Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

A mother’s account of letting go of who she was in an old story and allowing herself to evolve into a new one

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My chest feels achy. It’s felt like this for weeks now. I keep catching myself holding my breath, losing focus, reaching for something to soothe me, staring into space. This isn’t me — who is this person, I wonder. And yet, I recognize her.

I met this version of myself once before, years ago, when I was learning how to travel from girlhood into motherhood. And now, here she is again, getting her sons ready for their first days of school without her, learning how to be their cheerleader instead of their coach, figuring out how to let go while still holding on. This is me after 13 years of homeschooling.

Homeschooling was never the plan. It started when my almost-four-year-old leaned over and whispered, “I want to know everything, Mama,” lighting a fire inside me.

The year was 2009, and I was a 27-year-old mother of two intensely active, curious, wildly creative little boys (read: “not ready for Pre-K but bored to tears at home”) living in rural Georgia with very limited resources. A co-worker of mine at the public school had met my son and told me he wasn’t ready for the classroom. She told me he’d need to learn to sit still first, that he should wait a year and then start. But I didn’t want him to wait. So, I decided to teach him myself.

The next day, with fear screaming into every cell of my body, I took $50 I couldn’t really spare to the bookstore and found my way into becoming a homeschooling mother.

I was only going to homeschool for one year at first. But seeing his face light up at every new discovery, every library trip, every arts & crafts experiment changed me. Then one year turned into two and his little brother turned four and wanted to know everything too. Two years turned into three and we found ourselves loving our little homeschooling life and everything it afforded us both inside and out of the classroom.

It wasn’t that anything was wrong with traditional schools — or that something was wrong with our kids. The more I taught them and researched curriculum options for each grade level, it was more of trusting this feeling I had that a home education was the best place for them to thrive. At the same time I sensed that we’d created monsters (wink). The good kind of monsters with voracious appetites — the ones who want to know everything, want to put their fingers on everything and experience the world right up close, want to build and invent new things and explore every single crevice the world has in its depths, and want to ask why a million times every day without ever raising their hands. And I didn’t want to tame them. I wanted to plug into their curiosity and wonder — to foster more of the same.

I blame it on the way my husband and I grew up as big dreamers, became parents at 23 and 24, and started using every penny we could find to pack up our kids and move again and again in search of wild adventures. I also blame it on how we committed to a nontraditional family value early on: one of us was always going to make a way to stay home full-time and the other would work from home as much as possible. As crazy as that seemed at the time, and even though we had no idea how exactly that was going to roll out — as a result, I’ve been able to spend most days with my whole family at home while building a consulting business that pays our bills. Our lifestyle of packing up and adventuring took on a life of its own and became our children’s incredible education.

It began with selling everything. We sold our home, cars, and furniture, and made travel our life. Outdoor adventure became our textbook. National parks became our playground. And we lived full-time in our 30-foot Airstream while traveling the US for seven years before finding our home in a small community on the coast of Maine.

It was a dream I never could have planned for. We found nature healing and teaching us in unexpected ways.

I found wisdom and inspiration from researchers and authors like John Holt, Ken Robinson, Blake Boles, and in books like The Teenage Liberation Handbook. I built community in unexpected new ways and connected with other homeschooling moms and found resources to help with every roadblock I encountered. We hit our groove, met a bump in the road, cobbled through, made it work, and hit our groove again a million times over. We loved our homeschooling life.

And then, quite suddenly at the end of last school year, when my youngest gently, kindly said, “Mama, I don’t want to homeschool anymore,” it was over.

In truth, he was only giving voice to something I’d known was coming for a while.

Homeschooling wasn’t serving us anymore; the longer we traveled and the older my kids got, the more difficult it was to find new resources, make lasting friendships, and expand our circles. It was time for something new, and we all knew it. The winds of change were upon us.

Skip ahead. As the school year starts this year, I’m turning in my homeschool badge to watch one son spend his senior year in online dual enrollment classes (senior year high school and freshman year college) and the other get on the bus each morning to attend the public high school down the street.

I could pretend I’m not struggling, but I don’t. My achy chest won’t let me. Instead, I’m embracing how I’m changing, who I’m becoming.

I realize this transition isn’t just about me, and yet, I also realize this version of me might become something permanent, so I feel a call to get to know her. She’s someone who knows how to wade through critical transitions, someone who’s getting comfortable in her new skin, emerging, stepping up, becoming. Who she is exactly, I can’t know yet. But I have a sneaking suspicion I might even start to like her if I give her a chance. I’m making room for her to emerge.

I keep reminding myself this is what it’s like to have kids who aren’t kids anymore. This is also what it’s like to have homeschooled for so long and suddenly stopped. This is what it’s like to let go of everything we’ve always had together and start holding on to something new.

And yet, like the butterfly who’s just become something unrecognizable to its former self, there’s pain in the remaking, a bit of struggle in the redefining. I may not have this figured out for a while. I may have to find my way like I have so many times before. I’m going to have to be okay with that. For now, I’m redefining what motherhood means to me — motherhood without homeschooling.

Deep down I realize I always hoped our long homeschool days would lead here. I always knew which son would want to try public high school just as surely as I knew which one would want to enter college early. But the truth is, I wasn’t always exactly sure we’d arrive — or that I’d be ready.

For the past 13 years, we’ve been trying untraditional approaches to education, testing out new things, following curiosities, discovering learning as a pleasurable activity — something I missed in my own achievement-focused summa cum laude-focused academic life. For the past 13 years, I had hoped their education could be different, hoped it would work out extremely well, but no one could guarantee me it would.

Even now, big questions remain. I don’t know whether my sons will have learning gaps I couldn’t fill as their sole teacher for so long. I don’t know if they’ll receive scholarships that will allow them to go where they want to go and do what they want to do. I don’t know if they’ll love art school or college or whatever path they choose. I don’t even know if public high school will welcome us.

I don’t know anything, really.

Except this — I know I’ve taught them how to pivot when something isn’t working. They know they have options. They know how to follow their intuitions. They know there’s more than one way. They know anything is possible.

All in all, I feel good about that. It’s true that only parts of our homeschool story have been the rainbow kind, but there’s more than golden memories lying here at the end. There’s respect, relationships, and more adventures taken and happy days spent together than any mother could dream of.

Despite its challenges, our little homeschooling life has been the life of my dreams.

Except now, sitting here alone at my quiet kitchen table where we usually share audiobooks, loud breakfast discussions, and heated homeschool debates — I have a decision to make.

I have to decide if the life of my dreams is over or if I still have the energy to create something new.

I’m letting go of being the center of their worlds to watch all our worlds get bigger, letting go of my little boys and getting to know the young men they’re becoming.

But I’m still holding on, too. Holding onto being their mother no matter what season we’re entering together, holding onto the memories and embracing their next season with heart, mind, and arms wide open.

I’ll think about our long, slow homeschool mornings full of books read aloud, homemade muffins, and pots of Earl Grey tea for as long as I live. But if I’m lucky, I’ll get to think about the adventures we’re still having and are yet to have, too.

So, with the homeschooling door closing and so many feelings still swirling inside me, my conclusion is this — there is no end to the life of our dreams, only new seasons adding depth, new waves bringing new realities.

There is no failure — only pivots and discoveries.

Wherever we find ourselves, we always get to choose how to approach what’s next, and I’m choosing to try my best to love whatever comes next for us.

One day at a time. . . .

The morning of his first day of school finally arrives. He wakes early to the alarm he set for himself, showers, dresses in the clothes and shoes he set out the night before. I cook him a special breakfast and he makes a cup of tea. With his back turned, packing his own lunchbox, his dad asks, “Are you nervous?” He replies simply, “Yeah,” and keeps nodding his head to the music in his earbuds. He doesn’t look nervous at all.

Watching him get on the bus for the first time, I feel tears sting my eyes, but I feel something new, too.

My chest isn’t achy anymore. Instead, I’m feeling something else — something expansive.

Yes, I’m swallowing a lump in my throat as I sit on the porch and peek through the trees to see him step onto the bus and roll to the school without me, but I have things that need my attention, too. I take a few minutes to breathe, process my feelings, and send him all my love and all kinds of distant hugs. Then I fire off emails to the women in my email group, polish a new piece for potential homeschool families, send a magazine pitch, and head inside to dig into projects for my clients and help his brother get settled into his dual enrollment agenda for the day.

And I smile, thinking about the cookies and milk we’ll have this afternoon when he gets home from school and all the stories he’ll have to share. One of my life’s biggest and best seasons is over, but my life is not over. Another one is beginning. I think this one might be big and beautiful, too. At the very least I can stay open for it.

You may also enjoy reading Redefining Togetherness: One Mother’s Quest for an Adventurous Family Life, by Celeste Orr

The post An Epilogue to Homeschooling: A Mother Hangs Up Her Homeschooling Hat…Now What? appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

A poetic exploration of the cultural and personal storms that befall us all as humans — and the inner practice to survive them

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I am excited to share that my new book, Surviving Storms: Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity, will be published this September by St. Martin’s Essentials. It is a book that has taken three years to retrieve and shape. Like everyone, my understanding of things has been shaped by the pandemic. But I continue to believe in the goodness we are born with and the courage we each have to summon to let that goodness into the world. We need each other more than ever. Each generation is challenged to choose love over fear. It is our turn. The following conversation explores the new book and the terrain it enters. ~ Mark Nepo

Q: What are you exploring with Surviving Storms?

We live in a turbulent time. Storms are everywhere, of every shape and size. And like every generation before us, like every soul’s journey on Earth, we must learn the art of surviving storms, so we can endure and build a better world. The reason heartwork is so important in surviving storms is that, as a tree needs to deepen its roots and widen its trunk to endure the force of unexpected storms, we need to know our true self so we can deepen our roots and solidify our connection to all Spirit and all life. Then, we, too, can endure the force of unexpected storms. This is especially relevant now. Every generation has its share of turbulence and chaos—personal storms, relational storms, life storms. And all the traditions offer practices and resources to help us be strong enough and kind enough to meet the challenges of our day. It is our turn to rediscover these practices and resources in order to repair ourselves and our world. All this is inner practice. All this is heartwork that we each need to personalize. This is what Surviving Storms explores.

Q: Can you describe the journey this book takes us on?

The first two chapters of this book describe the storms of our time—where we are and how we got here. They outline the fault lines of our refracted society, including: our loss of relationship, the isolation of technology, the dissolution of reality, the loss of a common good, the press of narcissism over inclusion, and our addiction to violence. The third chapter explores the nature and life of storms. And the fourth chapter unpacks the purpose of goodness. The rest of the book describes the perennial practices and resources that we can reacquaint ourselves with in order to restore our basic human nature and transcend our perceived differences. This task is nothing short of the remaking of humanity, yet one more time.

Q: Please speak to the difficulties we face today as part of a pattern in history?  

The long swells of history crest and crash, century after century. The kindness and cruelty of an age expands and contracts. The openness and narrowness of how we learn either grows or collapses depending on how each generation reacts to the storms they encounter and create. As I write this, a good part of humanity is in such a collapse of narrowness, in such a contraction of cruelty. And though we have crashed, the harsh beauty of waves is that they always reform, gathering all they’ve been through to rise and crest again. Likewise, we can learn from what we’ve been through. We can expand again and open our minds and hearts. We can find our way back to kindness, if we dare to see each other in ourselves and accept the truth of what we’ve broken. Then, we can see what needs repair.

Q: You talk about the maturing of compassion. What do you mean by this?

Ultimately, loving is the practice ground for everything. Early in life, there is an initiation into the practice of compassion through the commonality of our experience with others. If I have suffered a broken heart, then when I witness your heart breaking, I can easily identify with what you’re going through. This sort of compassion, based on our common experience, is an ongoing apprenticeship that never ends. But over the years, as I’ve thinned what builds between my heart and the world, I’ve come to see that this form of compassion, dear and necessary as it is, leads to a maturing of compassion. Once our heart is opened, the practice of identifying with others leads us to the noble and necessary act of feeling compassion for those that we have no common experience with.

Q: You have a chapter called “Ten Thousand Hands.” What are you exploring here?

I offer this metaphor to explore the difference between our infinite want and our very finite reach in this world. For the heart has ten thousand hands that want to lift and hold everything, to leave no dream untried. But the life that carries the heart has only two hands. And so, intoxicated with life, we reach for more than we can carry, and meaning well, we promise more than we can ever hope to care for. In this way, we try to live as many lives as possible rather than inhabit the one life we are given. This is a common, inner tension. For as human beings, our being is infinite and unlimited, but our humanness is very finite and limited. Feeling this innate cross-purpose, we can be seduced by the want to do everything and to go everywhere—though we can’t. Without accepting our very human limits, we can inadvertently do harm to each other.

Q: Can you speak more about what it means to work with what we’re given?

Though there’s nothing wrong with working for things we want, I have found that my deepest gifts have shown themselves when working with what I’ve been given. I’ve come to see that working for what I want is often an apprenticeship for working with what I’m given. For by working with what we’re given, our soul shows itself. All of this is how the heart initiates us into the art of acceptance where, far from resignation, we are asked to be kind and useful beyond all intent.

Q: An early chapter is called “The Old World Is Gone.” What are you suggesting here? 

As the pandemic spread around the world, it brought moments from my cancer journey sharply before me. One profound moment in particular echoes where we are in a compelling way. It was the moment of my diagnosis more than thirty years ago. I was sitting in a doctor’s office when I heard the words, “You have cancer.”

I was, of course, frightened and disoriented. I thought, he must have made a mistake. How could this be me? Stunned, I left that appointment reeling. But the door I had walked through to keep that appointment was gone. There was no way back to my life before that moment. Life would never be the same. The old world was gone.

I think this transformative moment has gripped the world. Collectively, the world before the pandemic is gone. There is no way back to life before the coronavirus. We have no choice but to accept the truth of what is and love our way forward, discovering the new life unlived ahead of us.

To be sure, there is nothing glorious or mysterious about disease. The cancer I had was not as important as what it opened in me. Likewise, there is nothing glorious or mysterious about the coronavirus. It can never be as important as what it is opening in humanity. As cancer was a catalyst for transformation when I was ill, we need to ask: What is the appearance of this pandemic trying to open in us and teach us? How is it transforming us as a global family?

Q: What is your hope for anyone engaging with this book?

The Hebrew word for blessing means “more life.” This is the blessing that comes from being educated by the heart—we are given more life. This is the blessing I wish for everyone who reads this book—that as a fish grows stronger for having a healthy and muscular gill, you are given more life for having an expansive and well-tuned heart.

You may also enjoy reading other articles by Mark Nepo for Best Self Magazine.

The post Surviving Storms: A Q&A from the Heart with Mark Nepo appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 12 minutes

The power of prose to reveal and express our true selves — a journey of healing and reinvention

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I started writing in a journal when I was 11 years old, as a way to communicate with my brother who died. In sharing with him on those early pages, I was able to make some sense of myself — and the world. My journal was my best friend and over the years the volumes accumulated to well over 70…until I destroyed them in 2008 after my then-husband read them. The crushing betrayal of him invading my privacy — and what he discovered inside them — became the catalyst to the life I’m living now.

Had I not written the truth, I wouldn’t have been able to step into it. 

I began keeping a journal again once we were separated and I was living on my own. My journal invites curiosity while reminding me of possibility. Since I know how confronting a blank page can be, I offer guidance to prompt your own inquiry and discovery. It’s never too soon or too late to know what’s true for you and give yourself permission to live it.  

As a lifelong journaler, it’s been my absolute dream come true to create this journal. But, truth be told, The Art of Change is no ordinary journal. It’s a proven roadmap that will guide you to make choices and take action in support of the vision you desire. So you can make the changes in your life that you want to make.

The Art of Change contains concepts and explorations to support and deepen your own inner excavation, ultimately for you to be able to own your worth and live life on your own terms, stepping into center stage of your own life. 

In my own experience, journaling has been key to really getting to understand and know myself. So, this journal is going to give you the opportunity to truly make a commitment to yourself, to slow down and get quiet and take pen to paper, to investigate what is true for you.

The Art of Change is an invitation to immerse yourself in the Eight Dimensions of Reinvention —one each week — with a coaching concept to contemplate, and then an exploration with daily prompts that build on each other throughout the week. The Art of Change guides you on a transformative journey though Vision, Calibration, Beliefs, Self-Worth, Boundaries, Choice, Self-Confidence, and Visibility.

Once you embody The Art of Change, you can consciously curate what you want to bring into your life, as well as what you choose to release. You can think of this journal as a way to have me by your side, coaching you and guiding you in the direction of your own reinvention.

Below is an excerpt from The Art of Change: A Guided Journal — 8 Weeks to Making a Meaningful Shift in Your Life [Hay House, Inc. 2022]

WEEK 1: VISION

The central aspect of the art of change is the process of reinvention. Reinvention isn’t about scrubbing your life clean of any signs that you’ve lived it. It’s about returning to the essence of who you actually are—the you that, quite possibly, has been hanging out beneath a mountain of habits, obligations, and inherited beliefs, gesturing wildly to get your attention: “Heyyyy, remember me?”

This is the true you—the inner spark that you sense when you’re most at home in your body and your mind. It’s the brightness that radiates out from you and touches everything you encounter; it makes colors more vivid and food tastier. It’s the sense of passion and purpose you were born with, which gives life texture and meaning. In short, it’s the essential part of you that makes life worth living.

Now, you might be thinking, Well, that sounds nice, but it’s definitely not my experience—at least not most of the time. So how can it possibly be the “true me”?

I’m here to say that it is—even during the times you’ve lost direction, which is super easy to do if you’re pinned beneath that gigantic mountain of patterns and behaviors you’ve come to identify as “me.” In truth, who you are is infinite, which means it’s not limited or defined by your life circumstances. In fact, the true self—which is calm, confident, and empowered—tends to become even more resilient when we are connected to it, because it isn’t deterred by so-called obstacles or the litany of reasons to bury our heads in the sand and give up. In fact, when we live from the true self, we are inspired to discover creative solutions in the midst of pretty dismal situations. To use a cliché, we are inspired to turn lemons into lemonade because that’s just part of our nature as human beings.

Unfortunately, we aren’t often taught or encouraged by our society to dig deep and use this part of who we are as a vital resource to move us forward. We don’t even know it’s there half the time, much less that the true self is our superpower! This is why we have to be curious and courageous (and if you’re here, reading this, I already know you are!). We must have the courage to embark on a journey of self-discovery that allows us to deeply explore our dreams, passions, and values; challenge limiting beliefs and ineffective habits that we’ve mistakenly taken at face value as “the way things are”; celebrate our true self as a magnificent being who is not fixed in space and time but is constantly evolving toward greater joy and contribution; and embrace our potential and purpose with enthusiasm and the willingness to learn and grow.

It’s your birthright to live as your true self, but it takes practice to do so. At the foundation of this coaching journal, this practice will come by embracing my Transformation Equation: Change = Vision + Choice + Action

Your Vision: Your True North

This week focuses on the first dimension of reinvention: vision. There’s a reason that vision comes first in the Transformation Equation. Vision is the secret to creating real and lasting change. If you want change to occur, first you need to have a clear vision of where you want to go. Then you need to be willing to make different choices and take different actions.

When we set our course in alignment with our vision, it has the power to transform us. Vision becomes a gravitational force pulling us toward its fulfillment. Vision is essential to the journey. It becomes the map that guides our trajectory. Once we know where we’re headed, we can make choices and take actions to support our vision. Every choice we make or action we take will either serve or sabotage our vision.

Here’s what’s so exciting about your vision: It doesn’t need to be created. Just like your true self, your vision already exists within you. It is likely a bit dormant or dusty, or it has been neglected as other things got prioritized and pushed to the top of the to-do list—but your vision is still there! We’re going to uncover it, unconceal it, and dust it off so it can actually get some fresh air and the light of our loving attention.

Why is knowing your vision so important? Well, because you simply cannot hope to become an effective practitioner of the art of change without identifying a fresh and clear vision that reflects your most authentic desires.

Many of us may feel disconnected from our vision because we have not plugged into our authentic desires. Even if we are not aware of it, we may be living someone else’s version of what a “good,” “normal,” “stable,” “successful” life looks like. A lot of times, a life that is bereft of a person’s authentic desires may look like a life in which nothing ever feels good enough . . . or some vital but unidentifiable ingredient is missing, sapping our life of its spice and zest. If this is true for you, it’s a sign you’re disconnected from your own definitions of truth and success, or that you’ve taken on someone else’s.

A powerful vision starts with powerful desires that actually move and excite you on a fundamental level. But if you’ve been disconnected from your desires for as long as you can remember, it’s time to become present and still. It’s time to give yourself the gift of your own undivided attention. So often, people are too busy being busy to check in with themselves, but this process requires your full permission to be here, now.

In fact, you may want to take a moment to slow down and put your hand over your heart as you simply feel into your body. Your body is the barometer of your truth.

We tend to think we’ll find answers in our head. We’re so used to overriding our body and what we feel, but our feelings have a lot of important information for us when we stop to consider them. (If it isn’t already obvious, you’ll be invited to check in with your body and how you really feel throughout the course of this coaching journal. This means you are not to be perfunctory! No more telling yourself and others, “I’m fine,” especially when that’s probably not the case. I want you to take the time to be very specific about what’s alive for you. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.)

The exercises in this section will give you permission to discover your desires and your vision, in all their glory. For now, I invite you to suspend needing to know how you’re going to get from here to there—a preoccupation that can extinguish the fire of transformation before you’ve even begun the journey!

Right now, it’s about opening up to wanting and receiving.

Powered by Desire

One of the reasons we get so disconnected from our authentic desires (and thus, our authentic vision and authentic self) is that we’re accustomed to tamping down our wanting. Often, we’ve already convinced ourselves we can’t have what we want, or we put someone else’s needs or desires ahead of our own. We’re even taught that it’s best to not have any wants—to be independent and self-sufficient, and to resist the need for help from the outside world. Also, we tend to get caught up in the fear that we can’t have what we want, so why bother? We convince ourselves it would be too painful to want something we’ll probably never end up getting. This is why, so often, when we do tap into a genuine desire, we dismiss it and give ourselves a long list of reasons why we aren’t worthy of it or why other people deserve it more than we do. These are all tricks our mind plays to keep us from feeling the magnitude of our desires.

We also operate under the assumption that life is a zero-sum game: “If someone else has, I go without, or if I have, someone else goes without.” We’re trained to believe that desire is selfish—and that it’s a bad or irresponsible thing! In truth, one of the greatest tools to support you on this journey is . . . selfishness. In fact, selfishness is the foundation for a fulfilling life. I’m talking about the kind of selfishness that fills your cup and allows you to ditch your people-pleasing ways, so you can get your own needs met. Until you know how to give yourself enough air, you’ll always be gasping just to keep going. You might tend to fear being selfish to such a degree that you end up becoming selfless—which ultimately means that with each giving act, you vanish. You end up abandoning yourself and your own needs.

Being selfish isn’t about one-upping or exploiting others. It’s about remembering the universe is an abundant place that’s more than capable of giving all of us what we truly want and need.

First, we have to become more comfortable with feeling and acknowledging desires—and recognizing that we are worthy of having them fulfilled. We have to fill our own pitcher before giving to anyone else, otherwise we’re just giving from an ever-depleted vessel.

This week, you’re going to give yourself full permission to want. The daily prompts at the end of this section will enable you to go into specific areas of your life (which I chose because they’re common themes that have arisen over and over among the thousands of people I’ve worked with), almost as if you are dividing your life into several slices of pie, so you can identify the vision that lives in that particular area. For the most thoroughness, be sure to spend at least 10 minutes on each daily prompt.

By allowing your vision to be bite-sized, digestible, and manageable, you ensure that you don’t overwhelm yourself. Taking incremental steps actually prepares you for the next step and sets you up to accomplish what you want. Procrastination is often the result of putting something off because it feels like it’s “too big.” In contrast, by getting connected to the very practical matter of what exactly needs to happen to move you closer to your desires, you end up building (and living!) an integrated, holistic vision—which will be your map, as well as your compass, throughout the next eight weeks.

There is no right or wrong here. Your vision is 100 percent yours. It’s your ideal set of circumstances that you have the power to activate when you take responsibility for what’s in your control. As you go about discovering your vision, allow yourself to be in the presence of passion, desire, and dreaming, even if you have a knee-jerk aversion to wanting. Give yourself free rein. This process is just for you!

As you explore your vision this week, I invite you to stay in the “I”. Remember, reinvention isn’t about dusting off someone else’s vision or modeling your vision on others’. It isn’t about curating your world so that it looks like your favorite influencer’s Instagram page. It’s time to stop idealizing others and to begin inhabiting your own life on your own terms. Build a vision that allows you to step into the center stage of your own life!

Journal Prompts:

1. Write down the area of your life you’d most like to change.
2. Give yourself permission for the vision you hold for this area of your life six months from now to arise and make some notes.
3. In order for your vision to be fulfilled, what do you choose to eliminate from your life?
4. In order for your vision to be fulfilled, what do you choose to integrate into your life?
5. What will be possible and available for you in your life when you live in alignment with your vision?

Allow yourself to breathe, to dream, to become…doesn’t that feel better already?

You may also enjoy browsing other articles and podcasts from Nancy Levin for Best Self Magazine.

The post The Art of Change: Transformation Through Journaling appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Breath and Prayer combined are medicine for the nervous system and the soul — and have myriad health benefits

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I love Jesus. But I also struggle with anxiety. One of my favorite tools I’ve discovered to help manage my anxiety while also strengthening my faith is breath prayer.

Christian breath prayers have been around for centuries, but they aren’t common in a lot of faith communities, so you may not be familiar with them. And depending on your background, you may be a bit leery of breathing techniques or contemplative prayer practices like breath prayer, as they may seem at first glance to be too much like a new age, humanistic, or Eastern spiritual practice.

I’d like to help demystify these simple but potentially powerful prayers for you.

Christian breath prayers combine the practice of deep breathing with prayers of meditation on God’s Word to help calm your body while focusing your mind on truth.

Breath prayers have been practiced by Christians throughout history. Some believe breath prayers began with the repetitive prayers of the Psalms. Others attribute the first breath prayers to the desert fathers and mothers as early as the 3^rd century. After years of intense persecution when many Christians were martyred, these men and women went out to the Egyptian desert to pray and meditate on God’s Word, often praying breath prayers throughout their days.

One of the earliest known breath prayers prayed by these early Christians, is known as “The Jesus Prayer” and is based on Luke 18:13: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” Breath prayers like this one have been carried through the centuries by Christians around the world, particularly the Orthodox Christians in Russia and Greece. (A more thorough history of breath prayers can be found on p.18 of Pray Like You Breathe, by Houston Heflin).

Breath prayers are typically based on Scripture and are very short, broken into two halves, and prayed in rhythm with the breath: the first half is prayed while inhaling, and the second half while exhaling. 

Breath prayers work as an effective tool for calming anxiety because they combine two powerful practices: breathing and prayer.

The practice of deep breathing techniques, or breathwork, has many proven physical health benefits. Numerous studies have shown its effectiveness in reducing stress and assisting with pain management, as well as reducing anxiety, depression, and insomnia.

Breathing is often called the bridge between the brain and the body. Breathing gives us a direct connection to the vagus nerve in our parasympathetic nervous system — the system that regulates our stress response. Changing our breathing by taking slow, deep breaths can directly affect the signals being sent from the vagus nerve to the brain, telling the brain that we are not in distress and easing the body’s stress response.

In his book, Anatomy of the Soul, Dr. Curt Thompson writes, “By controlling our breath, we can willfully influence the brain and the autonomic nervous system and literally change our mind-body state. By changing the pattern of our breathing, we change the pattern of the information being sent to the brain. In other words, how often, how fast, and how much you inflate your lungs directly affects the brain and how it operates.”

Just as breathing is critical to our physical health (we literally cannot live without breathing), prayer is critical to our spiritual health.

Prayer gives us a direct connection to God. Breathing may be a bridge between the brain and the body, but prayer is a bridge from our heart to His.

In many ways, prayer is like a spiritual breath:

Breath has a rhythm to it, a cadence of inhales and exhales. Prayer has a rhythm too, a cadence of inhaling God’s grace and exhaling our fears.

Breathing can help reset & realign your nervous system. Prayer can help reset & realign your soul.

Deep breathing can calm the brain & the body. Prayer can calm the mind & the soul.

When you connect breathwork to prayer, you have a powerful tool that can bridge the brain, body, mind and soul, especially in times of stress. We slow down our breathing because this literally calms our physical body, and we focus on God’s Word because this reorients our mind toward Christ.

And the best part? Breath prayers are simple and easy to learn. If you can breathe, you can pray a breath prayer.

Want to give a breath prayer a try?

Begin with the breath:

Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for 5 seconds, then exhale slowly and fully through your mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat this a couple of times as you focus on the slow and steady rhythm of your breath.

Now, begin to pray. You can start with one of my favorite breath prayers, from Psalm 23:1:

Inhale: Lord, You are my shepherd,
Exhale: I have all that I need.

Breathe in deeply as you focus your thoughts on: Lord, You are my shepherd.

Exhale slowly as you focus your thoughts on: I have all that I need.

Repeat this several times, keeping your breathing slow and steady and meditating on the words of the prayer. Try praying this breath prayer throughout the day. Meditate on the words and listen to what God may be telling you through His Word as you pray to Him.

Give breath prayers a try for a few days in a row and pay attention to how they are affecting your overall mental health. Breath prayers aren’t a cure for anxiety, nor are they a replacement for professional medical treatment or therapy, but they can be a powerful tool that benefits your physical, mental, and spiritual health. So go ahead, take a deep breath, and discover that every breath can be an invitation to pray.

You may also enjoy reading Breath Your Way to Better Health, by Natasha Zolotareva.

The post Breath Prayer: An Ancient Practice to Calm Anxiety and Strengthen Your Faith appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes

Activating your sixth sense, your intuition, is both an invitation and a homecoming — a return to your divine state of being

—

Our world is at a tipping point. Recovering from the upheaval of the COVID pandemic, rocking and rolling through economic disruption, and reeling at every turn from daily climate disasters. It is undoubtably apparent that we humans need to do something different to create a livable future.

But as Albert Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” It is time that we begin to seek and expand into new ways of thinking, creating, and solving the problems we face in ourselves, with others, and on our planet. The missing link? Incorporating our intuition and adding it into our way of thinking. Einstein was onto something. He understood the merit of this necessary ingredient for problem-solving.

If we want to shift our world, we have to shift our relationship to our intuitive selves.

Unfortunately, for many years, as an intuitive and spiritual teacher I have felt as though I was teaching out in the wilderness, publicly considered a ‘weirdo’ and dismissed as ‘woo-woo’, misunderstood — my message wrongly perceived as having no basis in science or reality or considered ‘practical’ in any way.

Fast forward to 2022, however, where these dismissive perceptions are thankfully beginning to change. Science now acknowledges that humans have six senses and that our intuition is an internal energetic awareness of vibration, or ‘vibes’. This sense is centered in the heart, gut, and possibly even skin, and is far more perceptive and sensitive than our external five senses are.

For example, scientist and author Gregg Braden goes so far as to suggest the heart is 5000 times more acute than our five physical senses. Our sixth sense, which I call ‘our vibes’, keeps us connected to our spiritual self instead of only our physical self. It serves as an inner radar that guides us in meaningful ways when we learn to not only access but trust it. It works to keep us safe, out of harm’s way, and protected from danger in the world. It offers guidance on our health and emotional wellbeing and move us to create meaning and purpose in our lives. 

In other words, our sixth sense is the ‘sensitivity chip’ we need to keep us faithful to who we are, grounded in where we are, conscious of what we contribute, and interested in our impact and influence on our planet as we travel through life.

This sense brings out the best in who we are: our awareness, compassion, creativity, and contribution. Sadly, this sense has been ignored by the majority of people, thus leading to the problems we face today. By acknowledging and using our intuitive intelligence, our sixth sense, we will find our way to innovative, creative, balanced healing solutions to all the problems we face today.

In my book, Trust Your Vibes: Living an Extraordinary Life by Activating your Intuitive Intelligence, I help you activate this great superpower. Intuition is not something to develop. Instead, it is an inner light of awareness that we need to turn on…and leave on. 

This light flickers off and on in most people because it is natural. The problem is that intuition has been generally ignored, dismissed, and devalued up until recently — instead of followed.

Now is the time to change this once and for all.

Recognizing and activating our intuitive intelligence and giving it our proper attention, respect, and cooperation will radically transform our lives and the planet.

Our sixth sense is our solution sense. It guides us where mere physical observation and outward awareness fail. It leads us to insights and understanding that open the way for better decisions, interactions, and creations. It is the change in thinking we need.

I believe that activating our sixth sense is no longer optional in life. On the contrary, it is an essential source of guidance for all human beings who wish to thrive, create, and positively contribute in life. The best part about activating and following your vibes is that it immediately balances, grounds, and reassures you. Better yet, it adds a sprinkle of mystery and magic back into your days and makes your life more joyful and genuinely fun. 

We are all hard-wired with a sixth sense. It is ready to serve you the minute you decide to let it. Yes, Einstein was right. We cannot solve problems with the same thinking that got us into them in the first place. We can solve them, however, by using our superpower, our intuition, and allowing it to lead us to the best version of ourselves and the best creations in our lives.

Trusting your vibes will help make that possible for you. Let me explain more…

The following is excerpted from Sonia Choquette’s new book, Trust Your Vibes: Live An Extraordinary Life By Activating Your Intuitive Intelligence, ©Hay House, June 2022

Over the past 50 years, I’ve taught millions of people to have an extraordinary life. An ‘extraordinary life’ is available to everyone because it is our natural birthright. It isn’t something we hack into with our clever intellect. It’s something we surrender into. An extraordinary life comes from connecting with your authentic Self, your Divine spirit, your inner guidance, and letting this part of you become the navigator of your life.

The only way to live an extraordinary life is to trust your vibes, the turn-by-turn directions coming from your spirit. This means letting go of the safety of the known, the place of certainty and control that keeps you small, stuck, and limited. It means taking a leap of faith and doing something different. An extraordinary life asks you to step into the unknown, where you will meet an entire constellation of hidden support that lies far beyond our limited logic and perception. This leap is not into the void. It is a leap back into your true Self.

Trusting your vibes is trusting your empowered spirit and letting go of the fear that keeps you from living authentically. Stop for a moment and recognize how often your true spirit, experienced as your vibes, has already successfully guided you in life. These same vibes will continue to guide you to live your best life as long as you trust them to do so.

The first step in living an intuitively guided life is to recognize that you are a spiritual being, that you are naturally designed to be intuitive, that you feel your intuition through ‘vibes’ — and that trusting your vibes is necessary if you want to experience your best life.

Some people dismiss vibes as ‘woo-woo’. This is the worst decision you could ever make because ‘woo-woo’ is the way to go. What people call woo-woo is transcending logic and tuning in to the voice of your spirit, your true Self, your Divine personal power. We all need a little woo-woo to rise above the fray of an ordinary life of struggle and survival, to free ourselves from the tyranny that comes with endlessly trying to figure things out, and to happily get on our way to living a life of wonder, grace, and flow.

What Are Vibes?

Your vibes are the voice of your authentic Self, your spirit (as opposed to your inauthentic ego Self) guiding you through life. Your spirit does not communicate to you through thoughts or words. Instead, it transmits information energetically, through your body, just like your other senses do. You don’t think vibes. You feel them. And I don’t mean ‘feel’ as in feeling an emotion. I mean sensing subtle energetic vibrations or signals that convey a more accurate understanding of what is happening in your life than meets the eye or is evident at the moment. Your vibes work like energetic traffic signals, such as red, yellow, and green, or like merge, caution, and stop signs, depending on the message. Your spirit communicates like a satellite GPS radar, helping you navigate the road ahead by sending advance warnings and helpful directions as you go. Once you become aware of vibes, you will begin to seek out these signals from your spirit to guide you.

Like road signs, vibes are easy to miss if you aren’t paying attention or are distracted. And you don’t want to miss them, because if you do, you may get turned around, led off course, and even completely lost. Through vibes, your spirit quickly tells you how to get to where you want to go in life in the most direct way possible. Your spirit also points out marvels along the way that you might otherwise not see because you didn’t even know they were there. And vibes, of course, also keep you from crashing. That’s why it’s important to be on the alert for vibes and follow your inner signals.

Many great people who have changed the world for the better have attributed their phenomenal success to somehow embracing the woo-woo transmissions coming their way. Thomas Edison once said, “The first step is an intuition — and comes with a burst.” Oprah Winfrey said, “Learning to trust your instincts, using your intuitive sense of what’s best for you, is paramount for any lasting success. I’ve trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I’ve made mistakes is when I didn’t listen.”

But the person who summed up trusting your vibes better than any other is Albert Einstein when he said, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. The rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

Intuitively guided people use all six senses and put the sixth sense first. They know they are spiritual beings, co-creators with the Universe, here to connect with their heart’s desires and contribute to the world’s betterment. So, they let their spirit lead in confidence and follow its guidance without hesitation, knowing that if they do, everything will turn out better than they could have possibly imagined.

These people recognize the spirit in themselves and others and seek to connect with that spirit in every way. A person who trusts their vibes is deeply attuned to the body, listens for the signals from spirit, and expects positive guidance and outcomes every day.

Intuitively guided people feel secure because they are connected to their sacred gift Einstein spoke of, their Universal Light, and while they may have flickering moments of doubt, they know they will always receive Divine support to help them overcome it. You can be one of these extraordinary people by trusting your vibes, beginning today…right here in this very moment.

Quiz: How Intuitive Are You Now?

Let’s start by recognizing how presently attuned and responsive you already are to your vibes. Complete the following questionnaire, answering with either rarely, sometimes or often, after each statement.

1. When I’m with someone, I easily understand how they feel.

2. I love to physically move and exercise.

3. I listen to my gut feelings, even if they don’t make sense.

4. I’m aware of when someone is lying to me or manipulating me.

5. I can tell if I’m on the wrong track, and I change it.

6. I know when someone is misleading me.

7. I tend to get overly involved with other people’s problems.

8. I get immediate answers even when I don’t fully understand the problem.

9. I change my plans quickly if I get a bad feeling.

10. I share what I have and don’t worry about having enough.

11. I feel protected in some way, as though someone were watching over me.

12. I can say no even when it’s difficult.

13. I express my true feelings, even when they’re unpopular.

14. I trust myself to make the final decision.

15. I’m careful whom I ask for advice.

16. I like to take risks and try new things.

17. I take care of my body.

18. I pay attention to people and listen closely when they speak.

19. I know things before they happen.

20. I often think of people and then they call me the same day.

21. I sense whether people and situations are good for me.

22. I’m a creative thinker and love to doodle or play when I have a free moment.

23. I have a great sense of humor.

24. There are a lot of coincidences in my life.

25. I believe I have helpers on the Other Side, such as guardian angels.

26. I’m spontaneous and love to dance.

When you’ve completed the questionnaire, go back and look at your answers. Give yourself one point for each Rarely, two points for each Sometimes, and three points for each Often.

If your score was 26–39:

You’re not presently in the habit of noticing your intuition — but this will change rapidly when you use the practices and tools in my book. As you open to your intuitive Self, your sense of adventure and vitality will increase significantly.

If your score was 40–59:

You’re already quite tuned in to your sixth sense, although you may not call it that. You may just consider yourself ‘hypersensitive’ or ‘lucky’. As you work with these practices, you’ll experience an increasing sense of safety, guidance, and creativity, and your life will become much more exciting and satisfying.

If your score was 60–78:

You probably realize that your sixth sense is exceptionally developed, but you may not trust it completely. As you practice the tools in this book, you’ll develop the confidence you need to begin living the joyful life of a fully awakened six-sensory being. You’ll learn how to navigate life with grace and ease and soar above problems rather than struggle through them.

Start by Listening to Your Body

Perhaps the most immediate way to tune in to your vibes is by listening to the energetic feedback of your physical body. Your head listens to your ego, which filters out and distorts information, believes what is not true, or convinces you that it’s okay to do what’s harmful. Your body, however, listens to your spirit, which tells the truth. It honestly and accurately reflects how energy impacts you on a vibrational level through physical signals, such as aches, pains, flutters, ripples, tightness, fatigue, or even sickness to keep you safe and aligned with your spirit. Of course, the signals change depending on what they are trying to tell you.

The good news is, not only is the body an honest, intuitive channel, it’s also straightforward. In other words, if you’re on the right track doing what supports your soul and spirit, then you’re going to feel more at ease, full of life, relaxed, and peaceful. Your heart will open and beat steadily. Your energy will increase, and you’ll be relatively free from stress. If, on the other hand, you’re making choices that compromise or betray your spirit, or if you find yourself in circumstances that threaten or disrupt your energetic wellbeing, your heart will pound, your stress will rise, your sleep may be harder to come by, and your body may even hurt.

If you ignore these signals for a long time, your physical body will turn up the volume and try even harder to get your attention. These louder signals result in greater tension, irritability, insomnia, reactivity, anxiety, or any number of little to bigger physical disturbances. And if you ignore your body’s signals completely, a ‘red alert’ siren turns on in the way of more significant physical disturbance, and there’s a good chance that you could become ill or depressed.

Woo-Woo Workout

Try something I call a ‘vibe check’. By this I mean run a mental scanner over yourself from head to toe and see if you’re receiving any signals. Do you sense any psychic telegrams in the form of aches, pains, tingles, illness, or tension? If so, ask the feeling directly what it is telling you. Then answer out loud. Don’t overthink it and try to figure it out, because you’ll get stuck back in your head. Instead, sound it out by speaking directly from the heart and do it quickly. The faster you acknowledge what you’re feeling in a vibe check, the more precise the answer coming through will be. Be curious about the message and let your body do the listening.

While taking your shower, vibe check again. Water washes away mental debris and interference and leaves your mind quiet so your heart can be heard. Something in you opens while under running water that frees the intuitive voice inside. Mentally scan your body from the feet up, slowly. Check to see if you notice anything at all, however slight, that is trying to tell you something. Remember, vibes are subtle. If you pause or hesitate at any part of your body, your body is trying to tell you something. Instead, ask it directly what’s going on. Ask what it wants you to know, what is essential that you haven’t noticed before, and what it needs. Then let it know that you’re now paying attention.

If you curse, reject, or criticize your body regularly, please stop, because you’re really hurting yourself by attacking your primary intuitive receiver. Your body is your ally, so quit diminishing, poisoning, harming, or ignoring it. Don’t shoot the messenger — after all, your body can only work with what you give it, and it’s just trying to protect you either from yourself or from something in your world.

If you have a particular physical challenge, ask your body what you can do to ease the problem. Don’t dismiss what you feel as if it’s only your imagination when your body talks to you either — even if it is, what you’re imagining will have meaning. Instead, pay close attention and voice these body messages out loud so that you can hear what your body is saying. The more you acknowledge your body’s signals out loud, the clearer and more precise your body’s messages will be.

Vibe check often throughout the day. Be alert for any tension, tightness, rumbles, tickles, flickers, uneasiness, pain, loss, or surge of energy, or fits of restlessness — and see if they correlate to the situation you’re in. For example, does the tightness in your chest correspond to entering your workplace? Does the burst of energy you feel have anything to do with the great new friend you just met or the class you enrolled in? Notice how your body communicates the red and green lights of intuitive feedback, and don’t censor or dismiss a thing.

Always Trust Your Vibes

Trusting your vibes creates a partnership with the Universe that moves you through each day as though it were a dance with the Divine. What you will discover when surrendering control over to your Divine spirit, the Universe will partner with you — and together, you’ll create a life of grace, harmony, simplicity, and abundance. While this may seem far-fetched, risky, and unlikely to the five-sensory person, for the intuitive and soulful person, this is your natural design, guaranteed to make your life better and better.

You may also enjoy Kristen Noel’s interview with Sonia Choquette.

The post Your Sixth Sense: Trusting Your Vibes to Lead an Extraordinary Life appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

Reframing our relationship to darkness can help us see it as a benevolent spiritual teacher and avail us of a limitless field of possibility

—

So many of us have been taught to fear the dark, the unknown, the unwanted, the unfamiliar. When the terrain we’re standing on feels unstable or wobbly, our conditioned tendency is to try to get back to seemingly solid ground, the familiar, the light, that which we can label and rationally understand. Yet no matter who we are, being human is filled with uncertainty…and together we are facing a time collectively of unprecedented change and global uncertainty.  

So, what can darkness teach us?

When we recognize that spiritual growth is about letting go entirely of the familiar shore, without yet seeing the next shore, in order to open to something more…we open our hearts to the luminous darkness. What do I mean by darkness? Darkness is not the absence of light, but something deeper…more elemental. Think of darkness as the field of all possibility. The mystery from which we all come and to which we will all return. The fertile spaciousness that is the backdrop of every moment. The unformed. Unseen. Invisible. Emergent. The yin restorative aspect of nature and consciousness.

Consider the life experiences you may have had recognizing the teacher of darkness.

Perhaps you’ve learned to embrace more of who you are, through listening to and welcoming the deeper darker undercurrents of your internal experience. Perhaps you’ve experienced a “dark night,” a time when an illness or life change turned things upside down but simultaneously opened your heart in such a way that has never since been closed. Maybe you’ve learned to listen to and trust your inner compass through having to navigate the groundless unknown. Or perhaps you’ve recognized the teacher of darkness through practices of slowing down, and mindfully pausing from the busy human world. As meditation teaches us, simply by surrendering to presence, we remember the dark, receptive aspect of being as the seat of authentic power.

Wisdom traditions, across the globe throughout history, have recognized the teacher of darkness as an instigator of spiritual growth. But in today’s world of bright artificial lights, speed, and the rational mind, we seem to have forgotten the wisdom of darkness. I believe we all crave the deeply restorative message that darkness can provide us. I believe we’re tired of this habit of pushing away one half of our human experience. I feel for all of us in this age of change…and want with all my heart for humanity to learn to navigate the unknown with Wisdom. Compassion. Clear Seeing.

I sense, in the unrelenting disruption of our times, a collective call to re-learn, to journey through the dark, to deeply listen, sense, attune, and feel our way through the unknown — rather than to fear it. 

I spent the first year of the global pandemic finishing a new book, Luminous Darkness: An Engaged Buddhist Approach to Embracing the Unknown. While I was at first resistant to the calling I felt to write about darkness, I recognized the undeniable importance of this topic for all of us in these times. Through decades of spiritual practice and activism, seven years spent as a Zen Buddhist monastic, time immersed in animism and shadow work, and one who has navigated illness and loss, I’ve come to perceive darkness as a benevolent spiritual teacher. A powerful guide paving a radical path to wholeness.

It is in meeting the unknown that we remember the wisdom of our bodies beyond the rational mind. It is in befriending the night — physically and metaphorically — that we remember an inner strength more steadfast than we’re aware of. It is by learning to rest in the mind of “I don’t know” that we can awaken to a relational intelligence that includes the entire cosmos.

It is through turning towards, rather than away, from what we label dark within ourselves that the sacred messenger of shadow gets revealed.

Here is an excerpt from Luminous Darkness:

From Luminous Darkness: An Engaged Buddhist Approach to Embracing the Unknown by Deborah Eden Tull © 2022 by Deborah Eden Tull. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO. www.shambhala.com

[pg. 15–18]

Redefining Darkness

I live in the lush, dense, dark, temperate rainforest of Western North Carolina. In the spring and summer, when the mountains explode with the green of trees, ferns, herbs, fungi, and flowers, my husband and I enjoy exploring the deep off-trail woods. There is no known direction as we walk. No set human-created path to follow. We let our intuitions guide us, or we find a meandering creek to lead the way. The forest is wildly dynamic, pregnant with life, and we walk, barefoot, among leaves, pine needles, rocks, earth, and wet marsh. We move slowly and with care, guided by curiosity, wonder, and body awareness. The terrain is a balance of nocturnal shade contrasted with patches of golden sunlight bursting with photosynthesis. The forest expresses nature’s stillness and complexity, harmony and chaos, in perfect balance. Linear time dissolves as we then rest for what seems like hours under the sheltering shade of the trees.

Walking off-trail through a dense forest is the metaphor I will use for our journey into endarkenment. There is no existing human-made trail for understanding darkness. A brightly lit path with signs pointing out the direction will never allow us to sense and feel our way into the mystery itself. Additionally, everyone’s journey will be different and unique.

The forest wilderness is a metaphor for both the spiritual journey and our collective journey through today’s global uncertainty.

We can no longer rely on our existing orientation to guide us. The challenges we face call for the development of new relational forms of knowing and navigation. The forms we seek, however, already exist within each of us.

Like a thicketed forest, the terrain of darkness can only be traversed by sensing, feeling, inquiring, and listening with our whole bodies, being both curious and humble at the same time. A dissertation that “sheds light” on darkness would merely offer a path into the light or the known. The creative challenge for me as a dharma teacher and writer is to invite you into an embodied exploration.

For those of you who are wondering, What is endarkenment? What exactly do you mean by darkness? I will soon offer definitions and propose fresh ways of perceiving darkness. By so doing, I will encourage the spirit of possibility rather than conclusion.

The architecture of this book will invite you to question your existing associations with darkness—both physical and metaphorical. We will explore some of the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and ecological repercussions of rejecting darkness. We will then invoke the spiritual teachings revealed by divine darkness, ultimately embracing an expansively larger perspective where dark and light exist in partnership within ourselves and our world. Finally, I will explore the inspiring invitation that endarkenment offers as we face unprecedented global change. I encourage you to let each chapter open your perception to different and fresh dimensions of what darkness is.

The first step to understanding endarkenment is to become curious about darkness beyond your familiar associations. Be open to what you don’t know that you don’t know . . . about darkness and light, about yourself, about the mystery itself. We can learn to meet the unknown and the experience of not knowing with an open and humble heart, much more full of wonder and willingness than fear.

Endarkenment celebrates 5 aspects of embodied meditation and spirituality:

1. Our awakening through embodiment and earth connection. Only by bringing our awareness down into our bodies and affirming our connection with the earth, away from the realm of concepts and ideas, do we remember who we really are.

2. The restoration of our ability to see clearly with the heart by surrendering to receptivity and by taking responsibility for the lens through which we are perceiving. I am not referring solely to the organ of the heart, though it’s an extraordinary organ of relational intelligence. I am speaking of the heart of our beings, the sacred integration of body-heart-mind accessed through meditation.

3. The reclamation of our true nature or original consciousness by releasing hierarchical perception. All hierarchical thinking is a distortion in consciousness, as I will explore in this book. There is no exception. Hierarchy was invented by humankind, and it has been passed down through the generations.

4. The deepening of our relationship with ourselves and others and our intercommunicative relationship with nature, the visible and invisible matrix of life. Endarkenment invites us into multinatural awareness, interbeing through pathways for communication and collaboration with life. These pathways already exist within our bodies. While earth-based and animistic traditions have celebrated multinatural awareness throughout history, contemporary society is limited by a human-centered and technology-centered paradigm.

5. The willingness to meet all life—including shadows—with fierce compassion. Embodied meditation embraces all aspects of our humanity, rather than trying to transcend dark to get to the light.

* * *

Experiential Practice: Meeting Darkness

Please prepare to pause and close your eyes for a few minutes. Set the intention, with eyes closed, to take in a few deep, conscious breaths. Feel the air as it enters your body, fills your body, and leaves your body. Be aware of your body’s connection to gravity and sense the earth beneath you. Once you have settled into darkened stillness, notice with curiosity what is moving through your internal landscape. Go slowly . . . noticing your body, mind, and feelings.

When you are ready, keep your eyes closed and become aware of the outer landscape of sound, temperature, and the way the space you are in feels.

Then, continue to remain in the darkened stillness and allow yourself to become aware of the inner and outer landscapes at the same time.

Notice how, void of visual perception, all of your other senses awaken. In the darkness, our perception opens beyond our habitual visual orientation to life.

—

If we’re willing to question our assumptions about what darkness is and instead open up to its radiant invitation, new but ancient pathways for understanding can unfurl within us.

In my own life journey, it has been the darkness that has nourished me to bloom, to flourish, to embrace the full spectrum of my experience, and to reclaim the wholeness that cannot be accessed by reaching only to the light.

Like dark soil protects a germinating seed…or the dark cocoon tenderly holds the caterpillar in metamorphosis…it is darkness that invokes the dreamer within to emerge and guide us beyond the mind of limitation and separation. 

To join me in exploring Luminous Darkness or learn more about my new book, connect with me online: E-mail | Website | Instagram | Facebook | Youtube

Click here to donate to Mindful Living Revolution via Paypal

You may also enjoy reading Lost and Found: Bewilderment as an Invitation to Transformation, by Jeffrey Davis.

The post Luminous Darkness: A Radical Path to Embracing the Unknown appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

Interior design is about more than aesthetics — it’s an opportunity to reveal and heal our authentic selves and our homes

—

I bought my first home in 2014. It was a complete gut job. Along with the help of my contractor dad and realtor mom, I soon designed a work of art. From custom cabinets to designer flooring, no detail was spared — the house was impeccable. People would regularly remark how it looked like something straight out of a décor magazine. And I was truly overjoyed with the outcome.

But as the years went by, I started to realize that something was off. 

I’ll never forget the day my first intuitive mentor walked into my home and asked me if it was mine. I said yes, but she said the energy didn’t match up. She was right. This home I bought and rebuilt was not ‘mine’. On paper it was, but in my heart, it wasn’t reflective of me.

Cue the Pandemic.

Like most of the world, when the pandemic hit, I was relegated to my home — suddenly seeing things I hadn’t seen before, feeling things I had rushed by previously. I no longer spent long days away at work or weekends out and about.  Like everyone else, I had to sit in my house and experience what I had denied. The realizations came fast.

The truth was that I had given away permission and ownership of my home years before. In fact, I had never truly claimed the space.

True, I paid for the home. True, I picked out most of the design. True, I lived in it. But even more true, I did it all as a child would — by asking permission from my parents. I required their stamp of approval for everything that transpired in the home. I couldn’t even hire a plumber without running it by them first.

I was now stuck in this place I had helped build and felt trapped. I had allowed the outside world and the opinions of others to dictate my moves. I didn’t listen to my heart when it begged me to move on. Instead, I pushed it all aside telling myself it was a great investment and I should stop complaining, I was lucky to have such a beautiful place to live. Still there was quiet unrest within me.

But a truth once acknowledged is hard to ignore.

Unable to escape these internal realities, I appealed to my husband. Together we ultimately decided that the best course of action was to move on. And move on, we did. Across country far from the forces that were holding me hostage. This decision would free me and simultaneously open a tumultuous emotional journey of healing and reclaiming that I was ready to face. Within two years, we moved from California to Tennessee.

Finally, away from the crushing realities of my old home, I was able to gain some perspective.  Ownership and self-agency were not the only things missing from this previous home. What was missing in my home was me,my innermost self. And I had to accept that I had been complicit in this. What I had created was the outward expectation of what I was ‘supposed’ to be, and in doing this, I had silenced my spirit. 

Now free, it was not to be silenced again.

The mere act of buying our new house in Tennessee was one of pure intuitive guidance. I tuned into my spirit and turned off all outer influences. No one even knew about our purchase until it was signed, sealed and a moving date secured. The fact that the home was bought sight unseen was negligible. 

With two kids two years old and under, plus our dog, we drove across country and straight to our new home — and it couldn’t have been more perfect. Now that didn’t mean there was not work to be done, paint to be freshened, carpet to be installed, but it was perfect in the fact that it gave me and my family freedom to flourish…to express who we were and to become. 

A living room should capture the light and fresh air to create an intentional space for entertaining and living at ease. The tall ceilings, bright colors and minimalism provide the perfect backdrop for open concept living.

My husband and I had one motive in our move, to start OUR life. Not the life anyone expected us to live or wanted us to live, but the life WE wanted for ourselves and our children. We set that intention and we never once wavered in it.

Come to find out, the power of intention is remarkable. So remarkable, in fact, that our move, our new life, and everything that has transpired in between led me to start a company that is designed to help others find truth in their own homes and their hearts.

Where there is discomfort in our lives, there is also a path being illuminated. I created The Intentional Home by Courtney Meyers to help build intentional interiors for inspired living.

What does that mean?

It means, crafting homes in a way that’s as beautiful and unique as the people who live in them so that they can live an authentically comfortable life in style. The most important part of the whole equation is the individual — not the design choices; the fabrics, finishings and furnishings.

Clean lines and designer finishes combined with a touch of glamour elevate this master bath to create an on-trend façade. By bringing in the bright lights and mirrors, the room scales much larger than it is and makes up for the lack of natural light while making the most of the space in design and function.

When it comes to intentional interiors, it’s important to start with the person you’re designing for.  We all carry a history, a story, a past with us (as my story so clearly demonstrates). We hold onto objects from these times in our lives. We cultivate the energy around us. And we find ourselves believing what we’ve put out into the universe, or even worse, allowing ourselves to be guided by ideals other than our own.

So, what I find is that when someone wants to change up their surroundings, whether it be their décor or entire home, it stems from something much deeper. What they’re currently living in doesn’t serve them anymore. And more often than not, it’s their innermost self — pushing to be recognized; something needs to be heard.

By doing an intuitive deep dive, together, we get to the heart of what needs to change so that one’s true spirit can come alive and thrive in a supporting environment. This unique design approach combines coaching, home healing and intention setting to create an inspired living plan.

One client of mine came to me with a desire to ‘freshen up’ her kitchen. But what she didn’t realize was her kitchen wasn’t the issue. It was all the stuff she had squirreled away inside it, and even more so, her reasons for keeping it all. Not only was the mental load weighing on her, the actual physical space and the items in it were creating an anxiety-inducing environment. The walls were literally closing in on her. 

A gourmet kitchen, designed with the cook in mind. A perfect retreat to nourish your creativity and spirit while creating a welcoming space for family & friends. Every home should be equipped with a beautiful central gathering place, such as this.

Once all the stuff was removed, it was as if my client could finally breathe and her room and life were filled with oxygen. She could examine her space with fresh eyes and begin to take more control over her surroundings…and her life. She could decide what stayed, what went — what worked, what didn’t. Our work is not yet done, but we’ve cleared one major hurdle, and we’re one step closer to the fun part…décor. 

Buying new lamps or painting a wall is definitely the simpler route to take when you think of redecorating. However, I have found, from my own experience creating a beautiful façade only gets you so far. The truth finds a way to emerge through the cracks. Until you allow your spirit to come forth, you will not be at peace in your home — and you will constantly be looking outward for ways to make it better.

A home truly comes alive when its occupants are honest, real and open. When they not only honor their own truths but also those of the home. It’s a symbiotic relationship that allows for a beautiful flow of energy and intentional living — one that will be felt by you and anyone you welcome through your doors.

When we bring intention back into our homes and our lives, we give ourselves the permission to live at our absolute best, I am living proof. This work is living proof — and getting to help others reconnect to their spirit and environment feels like the best job in the world. Is your home speaking to you? If so, lean into its whisper and listen to your spirit. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

You may also enjoy reading 4 Tips for Designing a Positive and Calming Home, by Laura May

The post The Intentional Home: Leveraging Design to Redecorate Our Lives appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

A deeply moving story of unrequited love from the early 1900’s inspires an exploration of pain and healing

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I learned today that in 1917 the novelist E.M. Forster was in Egypt for the first time. As a conscientious objector in World War I, Forster served as a Chief Searcher (for missing servicemen) for the British Red Cross in Alexandria, Egypt. Fate kept making him look for what was missing. It was during this time that Forster, who was openly gay, fell deeply in love with an Egyptian tram driver, Mohammed el-Adl, an affair that changed his life.

Eventually, Forster had to return to England, but the two men kept a faithful correspondence, even after Mohammed married. Their love sustained, despite being inter-racial and gay and despite living a continent away. When Mohammed died in 1922 from tuberculosis, his wife, whose name is impossible to find, sent her husband’s wedding ring to Forster. It is this deeply tender gesture from a woman whose name I’ll never know that stopped me, that made me want to know the center of this love: the love between the two men, the love between Mohammed and his wife, and the love of this woman for her husband’s lover.

What deeply human pain and release allowed her to be so giving in a time of such grief?

This is the wisdom I want to learn. This is the story I want to piece together from the smattering of affections found like feathers in the rain.

In the center of our pain and beyond what we can comprehend is a release that heals, when we can endure the pain and give over to its release.

I felt this pain and release during my struggle with cancer when I was young. I felt this pain and release during the dissolution of my second marriage when I had to leave in order to live the life I was given back. I felt it when my father, staring into Eternity, held my hand before his death. And now, across the years and miles, I feel it in the small drop of Mohammed’s ring into an envelope that his tender wife sealed and sent to England.

It is the unexpected gesture that binds us. It makes me think of my dear friend Robert scattering seed for the ground feeders in his yard. It makes me think of my dear friend Paul rowing the empty boat of his life now that his sweet wife has died. It makes me think of my dear friend George sanding the shelf of a bookcase he is making for his granddaughter. It makes me think of my dear friend Don adding dabs of red to a painting he created almost fifty years ago. The moments that keep us connected are like the drop of that wedding ring in its envelope. It makes me think of my dear wife Susan holding our dog’s head during a thunderstorm.

It’s all we can hope for, really, to hold each other through the storm and share what’s left. 

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Mark will be offering a 3-session webinar in Aug 2022 called Pain, Fear, and Grief: The Deeper Teachers (Aug 7, 14, 21, 2022, 1-2:30PM ET). Registration at live.marknepo.com.

You may also enjoy reading Living What Matters: Reflections, Prose and 52 Prompts for Self-Inquiry, by Mark Nepo.

The post What’s Left: The Power of a Gesture to Release and Heal Pain appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 12 minutes

We know that love and unity are beautiful ideals, but the question remains: How do we get there?

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If it wasn’t for bravery, I would never know the joy of moving past each inner barrier within me. Barriers that I had no idea were self-imposed limitations until each edge was challenged. If it wasn’t for bravery, I never would have spoken up for myself, boldly declaring how much the individual within me matters, equally and uniquely throughout a sea of self-expression.

If it wasn’t for bravery, how else would I have mustered the courage to move in the direction of inspired resonant desire? If it wasn’t for bravery, my humility would have stagnated in shame, simmering in a pot of bubbling despair, due to all the potential I was once afraid of somehow getting wrong.

For all these reasons and more, I honor the attribute of bravery for all the ways it has helped me make the type of inspired choices that reminds me of the true hero living in every heart awaiting activation. A hero that comes to life, once decisions are made from a depth of unwavering inner value without needing to compromise any degree of ethics in order to have what you want.

As bravery has so clearly taught me, things don’t have to always be comfortable in order to be the right direction to explore. In fact, they seldom are. While discomfort isn’t always necessary as proof of inner growth, there remains a transformation underway whenever discomfort surfaces.

It is not a pain letting you know you’ve ventured off path, but a confirmation that you are in the process of rescuing your most hurt and helpless parts from each hiding spot of despair.

Such an emotional rescue mission occurs once ready to exchange the insatiable hunger of ego for a chance to be guided in life by the boldest and bravest wisdom waiting for permission to lead your way.

The question remains, when will you allow the power of bravery to navigate your choices?

When will you allow bravery to make its wisest decisions through you without a need to negotiate?

When will you enter the mystery of life, not needing to know where life may be headed, since the only way to find your destiny is allowing your highest honor and ethics to do the choosing?

When will the real sacrifice of not stepping into your bravery be recognized as all the time spent putting off “big decisions”, which only feel uncertain to the one always needing something to compare, contrast, and contemplate?

Perhaps you are reading these words recognizing how boldly bravery has orchestrated this fateful meeting with you. Maybe this was the plan all along, with each moment in time sequenced in such a precise way to ensure you would see, hear, and feel the invitation bravery is sending you right now. What if, no matter how unready, unworthy, or unprepared you may feel, bravery stands peacefully present with the unwavering faith of knowing what you are now ready to explore within yourself and throughout the world around you? A chance to move in a direction where unconditional love is no longer hidden in the pockets of those you insist on earning it back from, but an opportunity to remember the love that comes alive within you, the more often it is recognized, embraced, and honored?

As you enter into a brand-new chapter of your most profound expansion, may the following book excerpt from All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space act as your new guiding light.

May it help you turn inward toward all the parts begging to be faced with a love only your kindness and compassion may convey.

May each insight help you transform patterns of fear into waves of excitement as only the attribute of bravery can do. Knowing the immeasurable depth of bravery is one of ten essential attributes needed to access the healing potential and embodied consciousness that I refer to as the transformative power of holding space. A power so direct, precise, and bold, it exists as the very evolutionary force awakening in every heart to reverse the momentum of a dying planet at the rate in which you open up and align with truth in the most compelling and heart-centered way. Your next bold step forward awaits you. As a roadmap of success and a wise companion for your journey ahead, here are the potent words that bravery wishes for you to know right now.

[Excerpt from All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space, courtesy of Sounds True]

The Attribute of Bravery

Through the attribute of bravery, you can move through the discomfort of “what is” without anything to defend, maintain, argue, negotiate, or avoid. As you begin to see how inevitable encounters with pain help you unravel your fear of it, you will be better able to hold unwavering space for yourself and others as you survive dire circumstances.

As your relationship with fear and pain become more heart-centered, your awareness will help you see beyond the categories of like or dislike, which will make facing “what is” more tolerable than you’d ever imagined.

When bravery leads the way, it instinctively provides you with the strength, endurance, grace, and tenacity to overcome the plight of discomfort. Through this attribute, your fear of the unknown will no longer rattle your senses or stifle your ego. Rather, it will help the ego let go of its deeply engrained belief in control. This transforms the realm of the unknown into something curious, intriguing, and even exciting instead of being so overwhelming to process.

In order to go where the ego has never truly gone, it is essential to choose as you’ve never chosen before.

This also means you will more than likely have to feel what you’ve never felt before—all within a reality of greater support and renewed perspective where you have everything to welcome and nothing to avoid. As you hold greater space during moments of discomfort, you are gathering key pieces of evidence to remind you of how strong, capable, and ready you are to face pain and fear. In gaining more time to notice your true resilience, even when life doesn’t offer experiences worth accepting, you’ll develop an even greater sense of bravery that will help you rise from the ashes of defeat, devastation, and despair. By cultivating the at- tribute of bravery, you’ll really be present with yourself, while becoming an even stronger source of companionship for the people you choose to support.

From a space-holding perspective, the emotional pain that you must face reflects the visceral intensity of transformation in progress. Whether you’re clearing out a deeply lodged layer of emotional debris or witnessing the active expansion of a newly awakening consciousness, the very sensation of discomfort confirms the existential growing pains of your evolving healing journey.

Even when the ego hears this, it can wonder, Well, is there any way to make it less intense? While it’s natural to wonder this, it’s important to recognize that healing occurs as a ratio of time versus intensity. For the journey to be easier, it would require more time. If that happened, though, your ego would become in- censed at how slowly life moves along. On the other hand, to be on the most progressive path that offers comprehensive healing, the journey can include reoccurring waves of intensity as your most direct pathway of completion. Since the attribute of bravery helps you overcome the discomfort of “what is,” such a high intensity journey can quickly become an exciting opportunity to move beyond each personal limit.

Since the ego often personifies itself as a protector, it is important to remember that it only attempts to shield you from the circumstances and outcomes you continually fear.

As you confront each one bravely, you’ll find fewer situations to be afraid of, even perhaps discovering how less frightening each moment can be when you face “what is” instead of imagining “what if.” Such a definitive shift ultimately leaves your ego with no one to coddle, convince, or control. This causes the ego to meet the inevitability of its own demise, unaware that what it perceives as death is actually a doorway to eternal rebirth. Through the attribute of bravery, your ability to hold space compassionately releases the ego from its belief in control, which allows such a profound moment of letting go to occur.

As I wrote in The Universe Always Has a Plan, “You are not the one who lets go. You are the one being let go of.” This means that while many people attempt to let go as if it’s a willful process, it is actually a rather spontaneous unfolding of being released from the ego’s grip, once it sees control as nothing more than an idea it once believed in.

Ironically, the ego, which is the only part of you in a constant battle against the threat of “what is,” doesn’t actually know what it’s fighting or avoiding beyond its belief in frightening ideas. While the nature of each circumstance highlights uninterruptible milestones of healing, you do possess the power to determine how insightful or intolerable any moment can be. Through the attribute of bravery, you no longer wait for a perfect sign from the Universe to face what’s already happening or meant to occur. Instead, your ability to hold space helps you enter the next highest level in your journey even when it presents itself as the very situation you had hoped to avoid.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

When facing “what is,” all too often, whatever the ego can’t control represents what we believe could possibly go wrong. In fact, just because the ego thinks a situation has gone awry doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake or engaged in any wrongdoing. Beyond moments of abuse (which always require swift action in the name of your sovereignty and safety), we commonly perceive unfairness from others when the ego doesn’t get its way. As another form of irony, even if the ego constantly got its way, it would be no happier than before.

Since the ego commonly perceives pain as a barrier to happiness, it insists that only in pain’s absence can true happiness exist. In truth, happiness is an extension of aliveness. Aliveness is the will to live. The more you say yes to living on life’s unpredictable terms, the more happiness you may experience. While it’s beyond the ego’s capacity to imagine how happiness and pain can coexist in the same field of reality, it’s never beyond your awareness to appreciate how freeing painful experiences can be, even when they show up as unwelcomed moments of intensity.

From the ego’s perspective, the question of what could possibly go wrong also includes the triggering of deep vulnerabilities since it sees feelings of sensitivity as a weakness that increases the threat of rejection. In reality, the more you are stripped of your defenses and rendered helpless by the hands of fate, the greater the likelihood of establishing intimate connections. Perhaps the ego considers vulnerability a weakness because it has no access to the attribute of bravery that makes it a gift instead of a curse. This is why you are such a vital part of your healing journey, not only as the one who experiences evolutionary change but as the space holder who has access to the very bravery that allows facing “what is” to unfold with grace.

When not getting your way is no longer proof of bad luck, a karmic setback, evidence of a low vibration, or any other kind of judgment, you will leap across the threshold of victimhood into a renewed depth of empowerment.

While the ego believes, I’d be much more open, if only things were different, it is the attribute of bravery that reminds you that there will never be a better time to lean into pain or face discomfort than at the moment it begins. Whether such experiences bring out the worst in others, lead to fights among family members in crisis, widen a wedge of discord in relationships, or even create unexpected loss—you can face each circumstance with your highest values and deepest strengths intact when fueled by the power of your own unwavering support. All that is required is a willingness to be brave, even while holding space for the aspects of self that know of no other way but to be afraid.

It is also important to remember that there is no wrong way to be brave. There are simply moments of courageous resolve that may not go as planned. Isn’t that okay? Isn’t it okay, even when a strong response of dislike makes unwelcomed change seem like something that shouldn’t be happening. Isn’t it okay that the ego can think, imagine, or conclude anything it wants without pre- venting you from taking the very steps that only seem scary the more you delay the inevitable?

Imagine holding a frightened child in your arms who says, “I’m too scared to keep going.” Through the attribute of bravery, you can say, “I really know how you feel, but we can only find true safety in moving forward.”

While many people insist they aren’t brave enough to face looming hardships, frustrations, or discomforts, it is the facing of these uncomfortable experiences, no matter how fearful we may be, that brings our deepest bravery to life.

Setting an Intention for Bravery

To release any fear of pain and patterns of avoidance and hold a space of bravery for yourself and others, please repeat the following words out loud:

You may also enjoy reading Transformation & Collaboration: Redefining the Law of Attraction, by Matt Kahn.

The post Bravery: An Invitation of Becoming, Loving & Healing appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

A roadmap for claiming control of your divorce (and life) even in the throes of upheaval and chaos

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Divorcing differently…is it really possible?

“Look, the last thing I could imagine doing when my life was spiraling out of control during my divorce — was get ZEN and centered and make grounded decisions. That sounds like pie-in-the-sky, woo-woo nonsense. Come on, is that really possible?” she asked.

I hear you…in fact, I was you. But of course, it is possible! I responded.

I guess the real question for anyone begins with asking themselves what they think is possible with their own life…who is in charge calling the shots? Who is making the decisions? Is your life happening TO you or FOR you? And if so, why? (and btw, you’ll want to answer those questions before moving ahead with your divorce).

There are life moments when we are called to task…here are the circumstances…now what are you going to do with them? It’s hard to see choice within any upheaval, particularly divorce where oftentimes little if anything is spared — not your heart, your home, your finances, your wellbeing or that of your children.

Divorce is an ending, but it is also an opportunity for a new beginning…and that’s not a platitude lightly tossed around.

Imagine approaching this from a different angle. We can’t control all life events, but we can control how we experience them…and that is NOT ‘woo.’

The times we feel most out of control are the times we most need to show up for our Best Selves — to step back and consciously declare how we want to navigate, how we want it all to go and what condition we want to be in when we land on the other side of things. Do you want to arrive screeching in on two wheels, a broken, depleted, frazzled mess trailing a string of debris behind you — or not?

Anyone who has ever experienced divorce knows exactly what’s at stake — and many don’t see choice in the matter. I get that completely. As a matter of fact, I’ve swam in all of those same waters, drowning in the gamut of emotions that can wash over you like a tidal wave: fear, shame, anger, despair, anxiety, overwhelm, etc. While in the midst of it, it can feel like you are the only person experiencing this — its isolation deafening.

Then stuck in the middle are your kids, witnessing it all, feeling it all, experiencing it all. There is no hiding the pain of divorce from our children, no matter the age, no matter how well you play act. They are energetic sponges who can read and feel you and the energy of the house — even if they don’t understand it. So many critical mistakes are made by parents in the early stages of divorce that leave lasting imprints upon their children that can be avoided.

There’s no denying that divorce can feel like a series of wildfires that need to be extinguished.

Yes, the stakes are high — your health, your finances, the emotional security of your kids. Yes, there are many tentacles that have the potential to be far-reaching and long-lasting, which is precisely why you want to be in the driver’s seat making proactive, tactical, practical, heart-centered and intuitive decisions that resonate with you to the core. And yes, it is possible. Besides, you are the one who will live with these decisions and choices for a long time after the ink dries on the divorce decree and all the other players advising you have long disappeared.

This is your life. Take charge of it now. And it starts with giving yourself a break. No one expects you to have a law degree or a PhD in child psychology, but you can become your biggest advocate and ally by remaining connected to yourself.

Back to the “how” — how we are going to do this differently?

How many times in your life have you said something you wished you hadn’t…or made a kneejerk reaction you wished you had given more thought to? Many times, right? We’ve all been there. The same holds true with divorce. Impulsive decisions that are not well-thought out or made for the wrong reasons (like anger, revenge or the need to be right) leave us scrambling to clean up unnecessary messes.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can actually design how you want your divorce — and life — to look.

And even if you’ve never approached your life quite like this before, it’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to step into the version of yourself that you can stand behind, one who makes decisions from grounded footing. I’d even go out on a limb and say that these skills are “life skills” that you can keep in your toolbox to call upon and apply to any life adversity or bump in the road.

The most critical time to lay the groundwork and set the tone of your divorce is during the first hundred days.

It is within this emotionally charged window that you’ll be asked to make some of the most important decisions of your life. This is where you can put the brakes on this becoming a long and expensive runaway train, or not.

The problem is that most people are ill-equipped to confidently make these kinds of decisions in that moment. But we can choose to act instead of react.

Here are 5 Shifts that can help you gain control over your divorce and save you time, money and a tremendous amount of emotional suffering for you and your children.

1. Believe Your Divorce Is The Opportunity Of A Lifetime

Let’s face it…divorce is a gut punch. And when you’re in the throes of it, all you see are broken dreams and families — chaos, heartbreak, financial devastation and fear for the future…not opportunity.

Yet, herein lies your opportunity, perhaps the greatest opportunity of your life…the chance to get it right — to clean up the mess behind you, to tame the divorce train wreck, and to design what comes next. 

You see, divorce is an opportunity to write a different narrative for you and your children — and avoid the classic pitfalls that trip people up. 

It’s also a chance to reevaluate where you’ve been and more importantly, where you want to go. To look at all the events, beliefs, patterns and missteps that led to here. To break cycles. To develop new, healthy behaviors. To embrace your worth. To rescript the person you want to be and the life you want to live. This is about a new perspective, not an old story.  

Divorce is also an opportunity to model and instill the values that will set up your children well for navigating their own relationships and life hiccups.

2. Become The CEO Of Your Divorce

It’s not only possible to step into your power when feeling powerless…it’s absolutely necessary. 

Divorce can take months or years to resolve and rack up staggering costs. Factor in alimony or child support and you’re looking at financial ramifications of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of several years. That’s precisely why you need to take a leadership seat at this table.  

As CEO of your divorce, you will:

• Set the Vision: That’s establishing a clear goal for the outcomes you want for yourself and your kids, both short and long-term…and a plan for getting there

• Demonstrate Leadership: That means managing your team of lawyers, therapists, mediators and so on so that they are serving your agenda, not theirs…and save a LOT of money in the process

• Take Action: That’s making decisions mindfully and confidently, and communicating clearly with all involved

• Get Results: And when you do the above you’ll steer your divorce across the finish line, achieving the goals you set forth

In the end, divorce is like a business. It is not a time to sit back and let someone else take the lead in your ultimate decision-making. It is a time to step into your inner CEO and manage what is before you with clarity, resolve, thoughtfulness and heart. 

3. Harness The Power Of Your Intuition

Do you want to know the single most common mistake with divorce? It’s not harnessing the power of your intuition and understanding the critical role it plays. 

For most, divorce is new territory leaving one feeling desperate for answers, guidance, and advice. So, we seek counsel from others: lawyers, therapists, friends, family members, co-workers and just about anyone who will listen.

We heed their advice, follow their agendas and forget to check in with ourselves, asking “What do I really want? How do I feel about this? How do I want this process to go?”

We waste tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars, hurt our kids, embroil them in custody battles and remain stuck and dragged down by years of ongoing legal entanglements.

Why? Because we didn’t listen to ourselves — our intuition. Maybe we didn’t know how, maybe we felt it wasn’t important, or just bunch of spiritual mumbo jumbo. But nothing could be further from the truth. 

Intuition often doesn’t get the credit it deserves. We’re often taught to keep our heart out of our negotiations — but that’s not the path that serves you best. Intuition is a power player and learning how to harness it is a gamechanger.

You may not have used your intuition getting into your marriage, but you can certainly use it getting out of it.

4. Choose You First

The emergency instructions on an airplane always advise you to put your oxygen mask on first, then assist others. And for good reason. You can’t help anyone if you don’t first help yourself — this pertains to divorce too. 

This is not to suggest that you dismiss the needs of your kids — far from it. But too often, during the dissolution of a marriage, people put the needs of others above their own. When you do that, everyone loses. If you can’t be your best self, you can’t be the best for your children…you can’t build a solid house on a wobbly foundation.

This is a call to prioritize YOU.

Don’t make self-care an afterthought, something to catch up on once the dust settles. The key is to take care of yourself WHILE going through the divorce process. Divorce will rock you to the core, and you need to support yourself through it. And you know what? You can create a plan to thrive…right from the start.

5. Invest In Coaching

Most people dive in blindly, throwing money at the legal system, making concessions that don’t improve anything, and making massive decisions without a plan. Because it’s all new and terrifying and they don’t know any better.

But this is where coaching comes in. An expert who’s been through it all and can guide you through the process, saving you money and months of heartache — while fortifying you to face what feels like the battle of your life.

In working with a coach you will gain new perspectives and ideas, develop an action plan and have an accountability partner. A coach is like a Sherpa holding your hand — walking beside you, holding your hand and empowering you to make decisions for your life that you won’t regret — and design a new chapter to thrive within.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Why doesn’t everyone do it this way? Because we get in our own way. We roll our eyes, we assume that it is too simple. Besides, who has time and money for self-care or a coach when in the throes of chaos? Ironically (or not), the price of not doing this is far steeper.

We must remember that our lives are interconnected. When one aspect is out of whack, it has trickle-down impact upon the rest. So, the sooner you take a holistic approach to your lives (and your divorce), the sooner you can cross the bridge from untethered to empowered.

If you’re a mother facing off with divorce and want to get off the emotional rollercoaster and save time money and heartache for your family, learn more at IntuitiveDivorce.com.

The post Divorcing Differently: An Intuitive Path from Untethered to Empowered appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

How in a crazy world in crisis and change, investing in self is the roadmap to releasing being ruled by fear

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In response to the crazy world of change that ours has become, I am thrilled to share that once we begin to invest in self, we begin to blossom and transcend being ruled by fear

I doubt there is anyone who hasn’t been touched in powerful ways by the unexpected shifts and interruptions that have taken place in the last two years. Surprising separation. Deepening confusions. Unanswered questions. Deteriorating trust and a lack of clarity about where to go for clear information.

The list is a long one. The world we have known was given a huge time-out, while individuals have been bombarded with fear.

What many may not have considered is that on a Soul level, this interruption also served as a huge revealer.

Who am I at this point in my life?

What can I count on? How stable am I emotionally?

Do I really trust myself and the other people in my life?

How safe do I feel with others having their own, unique perspectives and making their own individual choices?

This has indeed been a time of tremendous revelation. And it has been my experience that so many people have discovered gaps in the foundation of self that they had no idea were there.

Sometimes interruptions to the status quo of our habitual choices shed tremendous light on us, revealing the need for a powerful response and deepening.

This is what I have witnessed taking place in the world, and to be honest, though I had no idea what the wakeup call would be, I have not been surprised that the world has begun to receive what I believe will continue to be unprecedented wakeup calls.

This is mostly due to the fact that I have been immersed in learning about the planetary shifts taking place since 1990. I have watched the beginning of an accelerated shift which has also brought never-before-experienced breakthroughs in science, medicine and technology. I have also enjoyed the deepening of conversations about health—true health that is holistic in nature, that has been inspired by an awakening of consciousness.

Before I go further, let me introduce myself. I am Ron Baker, the founder of a School of Self-Mastery that has been helping thousands of people from around the world for the last twenty-five years.

I am also the little boy who grew up in a home with alcoholism, divorce and a complete lack of understanding how to connect and communicate. For thirteen years I lived with a father in the house who never said a single thing to me—not one engaged conversation, just a few barked orders along the way. I know separation, fear and doubt. I know what it is to not know where to go for clear answers or who to trust. The pandemic did not introduce those ideas to me.

Fortunately, having the tools to resolve each of those challenges is also not new to me. I have spent three decades invested in an education focused on claiming the whole self, as well as understanding the unprecedented shifts that we are experiencing as a planet.

The greatest news is that everything taking place, including the revelation of the wounded gaps that we each carry, is a vital step in getting to the solutions that we all need.

Until we are willing to interrupt the agendas and compensations that we have all learned to keep running, as a coping mechanism for not being taught HOW to connect to the inner self, we cannot truly heal and grow into the fulfillment that these shifting energies are trying to awaken for us all.

Bottom line: We all need help. We all need a true understanding of what will allow us to face these challenges—including a clear map, an inspiring vision, and nurturing tools that work in reliable ways.

That is what I have learned and have been offering for so many years now. I have such gratitude for the journey I have taken over the last three decades, because it has allowed me to become a distinct, clear light in this time of confusion, separation and darkness.

I now begin to understand why I have waited till now to introduce my story to the world in a bigger way. What I mean is that I have spent the last years preparing a memoir called, Bright Lights, Big Empty, which gives me a clear way to share a distinct journey from wounded confusions to empowered levels of personal fulfillment.

By sharing my story, I look forward to inspiring seekers who want more clarity and education about what is taking place in our individual and collective lives. I look forward to providing a rare context of this evolutionary shift that is trying to encourage us all into depths of our potential that few have realized.

I began my journey into adulthood, filled with insecurity and self-doubt—deeply hoping that performing on important world stages, from Broadway and Lincoln Center in New York City to the Bolshoi in Moscow and Monte Carlo in Europe, would allow me to prove my worth. All the while, I mostly proved that I had a gift for magical thinking.

In that time, Life revealed to me many of the gaps that I carried, which I now embrace as a perfect and crucial part of my journey into more wholeness, empowerment and fulfillment. By shifting my outer, desperate search to include a meaningful inner journey, I ended up finding the core of self.

By learning to identify and integrate nine distinct levels of nurturing that had been missing (safety, connection, affection, acknowledgment, acceptance, compassion, clear guidance, support, and encouragement), I was able to resolve a majority of my fear, shame and doubt.

For twenty-five years I have been guiding so many others with crucial clues and tons of nurturing.

Learning to value self is the grand prize that we all seek.

From there, every part of our lives can heal and improve.

In response to the crazy world of change that ours has become, I am thrilled to share that once we begin to invest in self, we begin to blossom and transcend being ruled by fear. We also become less dependent on the systems around us. Instead, we begin to realize how much more we need others than we may have considered in our busy rat race approaches.

Combing a clear map of self with an understanding that we are all being supported much more fully than most of us were taught, is priceless.

What is actually taking place is nothing less than the awakening of the soul energy in our lives. And the potentials that this will reveal gives us the power to transcend more and more limits that have ruled our lives.

I am so thrilled to offer this practical journey of learning to nurture my wounded inner child in Bright Lights, Big Empty, which includes grappling with confused sexuality, learning how to open to invest in mutual support, and finding out that each of us ultimately gets to choose who we most want to be.

Freeing people with clarity and nurturing tools has been the greatest privilege of my life. And I cannot wait to share this story of hope as a beacon of light that offers clear solutions to separation, confusion and fear.

You may also enjoy reading Nurturing and Vulnerability: The Power of Healing Our Wounded Child, by Ron Baker.

The post Solo Performance: Releasing Fear from the Inside Out appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes

From a psychiatric ward, misdiagnosed and over-medicated, to practicing a new kind of medicine: Absolute Health

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The Fall

It’s the one story that I never wanted to tell. I was scared to, because I felt a lot of shame around it all. And from time to time, I still do. When I was beginning to think about writing a book, someone in the publishing business told me that I should tell my story, that it could be helpful to others. And so, I’ve come to telling it.

That story begins when I was in my early twenties, in college, during a cold, snowy New England winter. During those crisp, frosty days which began and ended with the long shadows of dawn and dusk, I started to have out-of-body experiences, otherwise known as “paranormal” experiences or psychic openings. They included telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, and psychokinesis. I wasn’t doing drugs of any sort — recreational or prescription — I was merely experiencing the drug of an expanded consciousness.

I traveled. I flew over snow drifts. Beyond my body and beyond my mind, I teleported through space, above ground, unaided by aircraft, trapezes, or ziplines. I could know peoples’ thoughts, hearing their words in the ears of my mind — all verified in sometimes embarrassing conversations. I seemed to have psychokinetic powers — bending metal, for example. Car keys changed form in my fingers, melting like objects in a Salvador Dali painting. I foresaw future events, like my physics professor’s request that I lead the class when he was away.

Other sensations emerged as well, a little less paranormal, if we’re being technical about it. I felt a deep kinship with dogs — something I’ve always felt. But this was a bit more. It seemed as though I could communicate with my canine friends directly, through the silences of intention and listening.

Perhaps the most compelling experience was the ever-present peace of mind that I felt, no matter what was going on. A feeling of lightness and joy. With this transcendent feeling state came the most certain truth that there is more to life than the experience of my five senses, and that this “more” is the essential key to a greater and truer reality.

That continuous peace of mind offered me an insight that I would only come to fully understand many years later. It was my first glimpse of our essential nature, of a way to freedom from suffering, my first glimpse of Absolute Health — a concept of health so unlike anything I had grown up with, so unlike anything I had been taught.

Openings and Closings

My psychic openings during that New England winter lasted several months or maybe a bit more. I don’t remember exactly. What was vivid and memorable was how it all ended — abruptly, with my incarceration. Talking, perhaps too much, about my experiences with people who didn’t understand them, I was taken against my will to a hospital emergency room and involuntarily admitted to a locked psychiatric ward. A hypodermic needle in my butt numbed my senses and dulled my mind. A wheelchair transported me upstairs to the hospital’s third floor — to a locked ward where I stayed for nearly six weeks. I’d been deemed crazy.

In the days that followed, medications took hold — four of them, to be exact. For schizophrenia, I was given an antipsychotic; for manic depression, lithium; for clinical depression, an antidepressant. Finally, for the side effects of the antipsychotic, yet another pill.

Because of the drugs, I have very few memories of my time in that ward. After that nearly six-week period, I was discharged to my parents, with a psychiatric diagnosis of “schizo-affective” and “manic-depressive.” I returned home on those same four medications, destined to be drugged for life. By then, winter had turned to spring, and summer was almost upon us. I withdrew from college, since I’d been away for too long and I was in no shape to return. For the next year and a half, I was essentially asleep in a body, mentally dull, emotionally numb, and physically anesthetized.

But being drugged for life was not to be my destiny. One day, a stifling hot summer day, my courageous, free-thinking mother came up to my bedroom, where I spent most of my waking hours, and told me that the medications needed to go. In an act of great love and faith, she slowly weaned me, cutting tablets and emptying capsules. Little by little, day by day, I crawled back into the person I had always known. As I stopped taking the drugs, thoughts returned. Feelings returned. Physical sensations returned. I returned to my mind. I returned to my body. I returned to what I now understand was a spiritual awakening gone awry.

That story I never wanted to tell forever changed me and everything I’d ever understood about life — about consciousness, time, space, medicine, health, and healing. It’s the story that fueled my life path, my choice of medicine as a calling, and how I practice medicine.

Revelations

My psychic adventures and that introduction to conventional psychiatry were profound and formative teachers. But they weren’t the only ones.

Earlier on in my life, when I was thirteen, my father had a catastrophic stroke that left him hemiplegic and partially aphasic — he was paralyzed on one side and had difficulty finding the words he wanted to say. He was only forty-nine at the time. In the days that followed his stroke, he was unable to speak. Through weeks and months of therapy, his speech improved and his paralyzed side became more mobile, but neither got back to normal, the way he was before.

Nearly eighteen years later, when I was in my fourth and final year of medical school, I bore witness to the cure that returned my father’s speech. Completely. Over the years since then, I’ve borne witness to more of the seemingly miraculous: miraculous healings that defied conventional medical thinking, and miraculous phenomena that defied the laws of classical physics.

Through it all, I came to understand that what Western medicine holds to be tried and true is otherwise, and that reality is not what I’d always thought it to be — there’s a greater reality beyond cognition, beyond our thinking brains, beyond what we perceive with our five senses.

I became convinced that healing beyond the bounds of our conventional Western model was possible, and that healing can come easily, without effort. And so too, can all that we’re needing, no matter what’s going on.

Effortless Healing, Effortless Manifesting

What if there was a simple, effortless way to feel well and to thrive? What if there was a simple, effortless way to heal from illness and to shift challenging circumstances in your life?

Well, there is. You don’t need to struggle. You don’t need to try to change things or make things happen.

Whatever you’re needing for whatever’s going on in our life — whether it’s a health issue or a challenging situation — can be had in a moment. In this very moment. It’s simply a stop, pause, and breath away. All that you need to do, to heal that health issue or to shift that challenging situation, is to first stop, pause, and be here now.

It’s by surrendering to the present moment, and by allowing disease, that suffering and disease can leave us. We don’t have to struggle to be well. In fact, it’s by surrendering that we can become well. The same principle holds for challenging circumstances and situations in our lives. We don’t have to struggle to shift them. Rather, it’s by surrendering to being, rather than doing, that those challenges can leave us.

Perhaps this sounds implausible. Perhaps even magical thinking. If you’re not feeling well — if you’re ailing in any way or seeking change in your life — it may seem that you should be taking action, doing something to shift circumstances and situations. But it’s not magical thinking. Everything that you’ll ever need for anything and everything that’s going on in your life can arise from being, not doing.

To be clear, it’s not that we never take action. We don’t simply wait around for things to change or happen. But things changing, things happening — whether you’re healing a health issue or transforming a challenging situation — arises from a place of peace. Peace mentally. Peace emotionally. And peace physically. This place of peace is Absolute Health. It’s from this place of Absolute Health, of inner peace, that healing happens. And it’s from this place of peace, that clarity, solutions, and effortless, inspired action arises.

I didn’t always get this. In fact, it took me many, many years to get it. Years of living in an unwell body, with emotional strife, with challenging life circumstances, and more. I was always trying to fix things, to make them better, to make them change or go away. When I finally stopped with all of the trying, when I started to just be present with what I was experiencing in the moment, I came to know Absolute Health and inner peace. And then things started to change. My health improved. Circumstances and situations got better.

The Science of Being

Science has a lot to say about being. Here’s what some of that science tells us: Our thoughts and feelings affect our health and well-being instantaneously. Every thought and feeling is either creating a state of ease or dis-ease. A calm, peaceful mind creates a calm and peaceful body. A disturbed mind creates stress in the body.

When the mind is calm, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system. That’s the system we need for rest, rejuvenation, and healing, as well as sleep and digestion. All the good stuff that nurtures and nourishes us.

When the mind’s not calm, the sympathetic nervous system is turned on. That’s the system we need to be active, alert, vigilant. It serves us in times of stress. The sympathetic system inhibits sleep and digestion, and so, too, healing — we can’t be sleeping or eating when we need to be alert and vigilant. And we can’t heal when our body is needing to use its resources to protect us.

The sympathetic system often gets a bad rap, but we need it. It evolved to protect us from deadly threats. When early humans faced dangerous predators or situations, those threats would provoke anxiety and fear and turn on our sympathetic, fight-or-flight system. We still need this system to avoid danger and to function in the world — I need it to navigate the streets and traffic of New York City and to avoid aggressive dogs when my canine companion and I are out for a walk. The problem is that nowadays, for many of us, the sympathetic system remains turned on for longer than it needs to be.

Given the stressors of modern life, many of us are in a constant state of fight-or-flight. Our emotions are turned on and turned up, and we think we have to take action to fight off threats or fix problems. Or we attempt to “flee” problems or anxiety to escape them. Either way, we’re stuck in the gear of worry. And when our sympathetic system is on more often than not, when we don’t need it to be, it creates undesirable stress, dis-ease, and even disease.

A calm mind, a peaceful mind — by turning on that parasympathetic system — is where we need to be for healing to happen. It won’t happen otherwise.

We cultivate that peaceful mind by being here now, with all that we’re experiencing in the present moment. Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations. Even difficult ones. 

Research studies have shown that being present with feelings can keep us well and get us well. A 2016 study of women with breast cancer demonstrated that women who were more able to be with their feelings about their health, even difficult ones, had less symptoms of sickness. Those who weren’t able to were sicker.¹ In 2019, a study of individuals undergoing cancer treatment revealed the same connection between feelings and health: Those who avoided their feelings of uncertainty and fear fared worse.²

Other studies have demonstrated the connection between feeling feelings and chronic depression and anxiety. Individuals experienced less depression and less anxiety when they could be with their feelings of sadness or worry.³ Another study showed that being present with feelings, including difficult ones, leads to longer, healthier lives.⁴

And when it comes to physical pain, recent brain research has demonstrated that feeling feelings can help those with chronic physical pain. Being present with feelings can ease that pain.⁵ 

Here’s my take home message: Feeling feelings, rather than resisting or denying them, can move us from dis-ease to ease, to that place of peace where healing happens. What we resist, persists. Being with what is — is how we shift what is.

Finding Your Way to Absolute Health and Inner Peace

My book, Beyond Medicine: A Physician’s Revolutionary Prescription for Achieving Absolute Health and Finding Inner Peace, teaches you how to do just that.

Beyond Medicine isn’t a book about healing per se, though it can help you get better from a health issue, if that’s what’s going on for you. Rather, it’s about how to navigate living in a body, with ease, and how to navigate circumstances and situations in your life, with ease.

You’ll learn how to use the five Absolute Health tools for “being here now”, so you can experience inner peace in mere moments. You’ll also learn about your Four Primary Medicines — food, lifestyle, relationships and community, and purpose — essential medicines for finding your way.

You’ll learn about emotional healing and come to understand just what healing is. Healing may be an improvement in our physical health, but I offer that healing may be a departure from that body…that is, death. Whatever form healing takes — it’s always a return home to inner peace, no matter what.

If this notion of healing and dying is difficult for you, I’ll teach you how to be fearless in the face of illness, dying, and death. And how that fearlessness can, in fact, heal you, how it can return you to your body, to improved health. Or how that fearlessness can help you leave, peacefully and gracefully, if it’s your time to go.      

Then, I invite you to travel with me to an extraordinary reality where consciousness transcends space and time and our minds and bodies. A reality where we don’t necessarily begin at birth and end at death — where some aspect of us exists before we’re born and persists after we die. A reality where our minds can affect matter, where our minds can heal our bodies.

If all of that seems implausible or perhaps even impossible to wrap your head around, I offer up the trove of scientific research that may help you to suspend your disbelief. And I share stories of seemingly apparent miracles, and explain that miracles are the natural order of things when we get out of the way.

Finally, I close with suggestions on how you can find your own, unique way home to Absolute Health, inner peace, and healing.

I invite you to travel with me beyond medicine — beyond Western medicine, beyond mind-body medicine, beyond holistic and integrative medicine, beyond any medicine. Beyond the need to search for a cure for what ails you. To a place where healing happens, clarity, solutions, and inspired action arise, and miracles can manifest. Simply. Effortlessly. In this very moment.

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References

1. Rebecca Reed et al., “Emotional Acceptance, Inflammation, and Sickness Symptoms Across the First Two Years Following Breast Cancer Diagnosis,” Brain, Behavior, and Immunity 56 (2016): 165–74, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbi.2016.02.018
2. Bruno Aldaz et al., “Is Avoidance of Illness Uncertainty Associated with Distress During Oncology Treatment? A Daily Diary Study,” Psychology & Health 34, no. 4 (2019): 422–37, https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2018.1532511
3. Todd Kashdan et al., “Experiential Avoidance as a Generalized Psychological Vulnerability: Comparisons with Coping and Emotion Regulation Strategies,” Behaviour Research and Therapy 44, no. 9 (September 2006): 1301–20, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.10.003
4. Benjamin Chapman et al., “Emotion Suppression and Mortality Risk Over a 12-Year Follow-Up,” Journal of Psychosomatic Research 75, no. 4 (October 2013): 381–85, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2013.07.014
5. Javeria Hashmi et al., “Shape Shifting Pain: Chronification of Back Pain Shifts Brain Representation from Nociceptive to Emotional Circuits,” Brain 136, no. 9 (September 2013): 2751–68, https://doi.org/10.1093/brain/awt211

Based on the book Beyond Medicine. Copyright © 2021 by Patricia A. Muehsam, MD. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.NewWorldLibrary.com

You may also enjoy reading As Mainstream Medicine is Failing Us, Is Functional Medicine the New Frontier? by Sophia Smith

The post Beyond Medicine: A Physician’s Revolutionary Prescription for Absolute Health appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

A love note, prod and embrace from one creator to another to finally step into your creative dream project and get it done

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I used to be a professional disease hunter, a board-certified surgical pathologist. I was the M.D. in a white coat who stared at your skin (or breast, brain or bone, etc.) biopsy under the microscope and let your doctor know what, if any disease was present. After twenty years, I grew less interested in what makes people sick and more curious about what makes people WELL.  

As I began to explore this state of wellbeing, I discovered that people who regularly dance, sing, tell stories and create things tend to be very lively… full of LIFE. Joyful. Vital. Healthy. There is something about self-expression that makes us more ALIVE. 

I eventually quit disease hunting to help humans have more LIVELY lives. 

At their request, I lovingly help my clients get their ships righted and back on a trajectory towards more vitality, peace and contentment. I’ve learned a lot about what stops us from prioritizing the things that make us more ALIVE. So, whether you have a book to write, a song to record, paintings to paint or a new invention/idea to help others, these are five very valid reasons to get it done…now. 

Number Five: Do it because somebody told you that you can’t.

A lot of us who feel drawn to create fancy ourselves as black sheep. We believe we don’t fit in, or that everybody is against us for some reason or another. It’s a perspective and rebellion can be a powerful motivator. Years ago, when I presented my first draft of a book to an editor I admired greatly, she told me that I couldn’t write that book. In fact, I wouldn’t be ready to write it for at least three years. Her assessment sent me to my bed to weep uncontrollably for hours and wedged me in a semi-permanent quagmire of self-pity that lasted three full months. I must have moved through a few of the stages of grief because I finally hit anger. PAYDIRT. I got incensed. Who was this woman to tell me I couldn’t write a book? I found a new editor who believed I could write a book and I did write that book and went on to (outrageously) write five more.

Maybe you believe you can’t do your creative act because of something a teacher said to you back in the eighth grade or because your mother wouldn’t approve. Or maybe there’s a wounded part of you thwarting you at every turn that wants to keep you safe. Gently put your arm around them and remind them that you’re a sovereign adult and that it’s going to be OK. And then do this thing! Please remember to surround yourself with your champions, those people who believe that you can and will do this wonderful creative thing. There is almost nothing sweeter than proving a naysayer wrong. 

Number Four:  Because it will make you a better human.

Not only will your life become more LIVELY and AMAZING, as you make your creative act, you will develop a very deep and rare compassion for others…especially other creatives. That author who wrote the book that changed your life? The songwriter whose song got you through a dark night of the soul? The filmmaker who helped you see the madness of being a tortured artist? You will begin to see yourself as a member of a crazy sort of wonder-family with these other creators. You will want to get down on your knees and thank them for the body of work they have created because you will see just how challenging it is to create any work at all.  

In addition, most challenging of all for many of us is this: you will have to ask for help. Somewhere in this process, you will realize that you cannot do this thing alone. It is in the asking that you will need to learn to trust others and listen. And with help, you can make something even better. Much better.  

You will also, I’m sorry to report, have to stick your neck out. Maybe what you are creating isn’t an excruciatingly personal memoir or series of nude self-portraits, but even if the work you create isn’t super vulnerable, sharing it with others will be. Your heart will grow at least 6 ¾ sizes, one hundred percent guaranteed. 

Number Three:  Because it will scare the hell out of you

Everybody knows that “doing the thing you think you cannot do” is the BEST thing you can do. But we avoid it like the plague: hiding under the covers, hitting snooze and idly gossiping about those people out there doing those very things. [Writing your book, painting your paintings, launching your new service to help others] is your hero’s journey. It is a normal and expected part of the tantalizing story that the hero must refuse their calling at first. That’s why it’s such an exciting plot twist when they change their mind and SAY YES. This is the PLOT TWIST you have been waiting for! And Joseph Campbell assures us all that once we say yes, all manner of magical things will happen and “…doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors and there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.” Not miraculous enough for you? Keep reading.

You will be forced to SLAY THE DRAGON on this amazing quest, which of course is your fear: 

1. Fear of critics. (tip: go read the one-star reviews of your absolutely favorite creator). 

• Fear that it’s already been done and been done better by somebody else (Ha! A laughable lie! Nobody can do it like you will do it). 

• Fear you are an imposter and not the artist/writer/torch singer or creative you claim to be (for example: Just because you haven’t been obsessed with writing in a journal since second grade doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be a writer!). 

We all know how the hero’s story goes. The dragon guards the hero’s treasure. Facing your myriad fears, this treasure will be acquired by you and it will be something you can share with your family, your community and the world!  Come on! Who doesn’t love treasure! It’s one of the last things on earth you cannot buy with Amazon Prime. This adventure promises to be a powerful spiritual housecleaning of your body, mind, and spirit and you’ll emerge a clearer, more confident version of yourself.

Number Two: Because it is the most Generous thing you can do. 

A lot of us worry that if we take the time and resources to do this creative thing it will be selfish. We worry that it will make us bad mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. The truth is just the opposite: as you become willing to create, you will set others free automatically to do their thing: to paint huge portraits of Marmosets, to shoot a short dramatic film about Dandelion coffee, to write and perform an opera about Lizzo and her flute…to follow their yearnings. 

If you are a mother or father or uncle or aunt of grandmother or grandfather, it is morally imperative that you make this creative act. If you show your kids that you’re a martyr, they will grow up to be martyrs. But, if you show them you are a creator, they will become creators too. Author Brenda Uleand says it best:  

“[Write your book or paint your painting or sing your songs] Because there is nothing that makes people so generous, joyful, lively, bold and compassionate, so indifferent to fighting and the accumulation of objects and money. Because the best way to know truth or beauty is to express it.”

Number One:  Because a Messy House (or basement) won’t haunt you on your deathbed like the creativity you never exercised might. 

But I hear you cry, “There’s no time! I’m busy with [challenging stain removal situations with my laundry, sorting complex recycling, dusting my Lladro collection, shredding damning documents, booking dental appointments for my six kids]! We each have the same twenty four hours each day. It is prioritizing that makes the difference between living a little more each day and dying a little more each day. If you decided that this creation was of critical importance, it would get done. And yes…you might very well run out of paper towels or your eyebrows might get wildly untamed (temporarily) and you might get a red check by your name at the library, but the other option is so much more bleak: You will reach the end of your days without having truly lived. 

As Mary Oliver said,

“It is six A.M., and I am working. I am absentminded, reckless, heedless of social obligations, etc. It is as it must be. The tire goes flat, the tooth falls out, there will be a hundred meals without mustard. The poem gets written. I have wrestled with the angel and I am stained with light and I have no shame. Neither do I have guilt. My responsibility is not to the ordinary, or the timely. It does not include mustard, or teeth. It does not extend to the lost button, or the beans in the pot. My loyalty is to the inner vision, whenever and howsoever it may arrive.”

― Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays

A Post-Script from the field:

I’ve just published my first novel (after writing five non-fiction books) Where the Deer Dream and I have to report that the process was extremely mysterious as it always is when you are acting as a conduit for something greater than yourself. I’m a bit sheepish to admit that I gave up several times on this particular hero’s journey. The dragons I had to slay seemed more fiery and intimidating than ever before. Each time that I gave up, something strange happened. The first time I had quit the novel, I was leading a Pachydermal Pilgrimage in Thailand when my co-leader shared a personal detail about her sister that was so specific and so rare (The chance of her sister having this precise experience was one in a million). This was my missing puzzle piece, her sister was the human who I could now interview and finish my novel. 

Then, even after that crazy synchronicity, I gave up again. This time I chickened out because I thought the whole manuscript was terrible and I just didn’t believe I could do the story justice anymore. I didn’t know how. Months later, in the murky parking garage at Seattle SeaTac Airport I stumbled into a stranger who needed help and as I offered my assistance to her, she spontaneously shared a personal detail about her life that was so specific I could hardly believe my ears. It was intimately tied to my novel. In that moment in the dark damp garage, I knew that I had to find a way to finish this book. So, even when I have been through this process dozens of times, it’s never a passive process. But, what I want you to know is that you will not be alone. This project of yours has a spirit and life of it’s own! It will be riding shotgun with you to ensure you keep going! 

All you need to do is keep saying YES: To it and to your life. 

I hope you’ve decided to make creative action a priority, because we need you to be as ALIVE as you possibly can be. Your responsibility is to the extraordinary. We are inter-depending on you!

—

Ready to get your book written? Join Sarah + Inger for their group writing program in January!

You may also enjoy reading How Good Are You Willing to Let Life Get? Daily Messages from a Spirit Animal, by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann.

The post The Creative Hero’s Journey: 5 Reasons You Should Write Your Book, Paint Your Picture, Sing Your Song appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

Embracing the unknown in a world of definitives and data can actually be a catalyst for creative breakthrough

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When I get lost while driving in the Hudson Valley — which is often — I usually welcome seeing a new place. When one of my two young daughters asks me a thought-stopping question (“Papa, are we indigenous people anywhere on the planet?” “Papa, do our eyes really see nature as it is?”), I prefer to say, “I don’t know. Let’s think about that.”

The truth is, I’m comfortable with occasionally getting lost — on the road, in my mind, and in my life.

To say so can seem like a radical stance these days. After all, we have created a world that distracts us from confusion’s discomfort. Have a question? Ask Siri. Got lost on the road? Ask Google Maps. Feeling a little lost about who you are at this moment or feeling as if everything you’ve held to be true has been disrupted? Ask, um, I don’t know. Let’s think about that.

I used to think that this comfort with confusion was a character flaw. Why can’t I just get with the world’s program and be 100% confident that I know what’s what about life and about my identity? Why can’t I just provide ready-made answers to the people and organizations I work with?

But I have a different outlook now. My work with innovators and change-makers of different stripes has helped me normalize instead of pathologize this comfort with confusion. For over 20 years, I have worked with people who go through long stages of confusion. The melee in their businesses and endeavors inevitably overlaps with uncertainty about their identities. Despite profound discomfort, they still hunger for a way to pass through unknown territory to a greater possibility “on the other side.”

When I compared their experiences with my studies in the psychology of creativity and of certain wisdom traditions, I sought ways to help them (and myself) navigate if not celebrate this stage of becoming. “Could a certain kind of confusion,” I’ve long wondered, “be an invitation for creative breakthrough or even spiritual transformation?” For this question, at least, I now can respond with a confident “Yes.”

But such breakthroughs often require a detour into the deep woods of wonder.

To be in wonder with confusion could be our guide to survive if not thrive in our uncertain times.

Wonder is a heightened state of awareness brought on by something that surprises us. That surprise either delights us, disorients us, or both. When something threatens our sense of what is real and true, our default response is to fight or flee from reality. Since 2020, for instance, many of us have experienced grave loss. We’ve lost loved ones, jobs, businesses, beliefs, and a load of things we once took for granted. It’s natural for us to cling to the comfort of the known or some notion of normal, but no breakthrough or transformation that I’m aware of arose from such clinging.

Wonder, instead, pauses that fight-or-flight reactivity and brings us into an instant state of creative mindfulness. The science of wonder increasingly corroborates this unique feature. For just a few fleeting moments, these experiences of wonder dissolve our default biased ways of thinking and perceiving so we can see again what is real and true, beautiful and possible — about ourselves, our lives, other people, and the world around us.

Of wonder’s many facets, bewilderment is what I call the disorienting facet of wonder. It is a state of utter disorientation or confusion that, if navigated well, can lead to transformation.

When in bewilderment, you can feel both exhilarated by the new world you might venture into while also confused, if not lost in the present.

Isn’t it paradoxical that one way to find deep fulfillment often requires getting temporarily lost?

Perhaps more than any other facet of wonder, bewilderment can unhinge your comfortable sense of reality. (Yikes.) So why would you deliberately track this facet?

Bewilderment holds beautiful truths. It challenges the self-defined roles we play (“I am a teacher.” “I am an accountant.”  “I am a Buddhist.”  “I am an environmental activist.” “I am a CEO.”) and “de-centers” the self. The cognitive neuroscientist Kelly Bulkeley noted that when we feel wonder, our “ordinary sense of personal identity is dramatically altered, leading to new knowledge and understanding that ultimately recenters the self.” Wonder, benign as it may seem, sometimes drops our ego’s protective guard, and our sense of self can be left vulnerable for reinvention as rigid roles dissolve or overlap. We become aware again of the mystery of who we are and could become, as if we were a child again. 

Several years ago, when our second daughter was born, I did battle with my selves. The wandering poet self who created new ideas and things seemed at odds with the self who built a business and provided security as a husband and father. Eventually, and not easily, those roles meshed into something like a business artist and a wondering papa where my selves could mesh instead of be in battle.

So much is possible.

Think of that well-known character Dorothy in the film version of The Wizard of Oz. A tornado disrupts her black-and-white Kansas reality and lands her in a bewildering technicolor realm. She’s not sure where she is or even who she is. Her eyes are wide in wonder, ready for discovery.

We all have tornado moments. Like Dorothy, we enter unknown land within our own souls —even if it shows up as something as seemingly ordinary as a job transition or relationship change. If we pay attention, we’re experiencing wonder.

Imagine your own tornado life moment. What profoundly surprising situations seemingly beyond your control have spun you for a loop? How did you respond? Did you think you were to blame? Were you able to spin initial fear into fascination? How were you able to get your footing and move forward with your life goals, perhaps with a new perspective and renewed courage? Now, consider this: When you venture toward living this one life with more creativity and artful resilience, you likely will induce your own tornado moments. Yes, you read that correctly.

As you stretch into terra incognita, you may, like an extended rubber band, want to contract to a familiar place. If you start pursuing a dream or desire, you can feel conflicted between competing desires to stay safe or explore what’s new. That’s an understandable reaction. It can be helpful, though, to stop in your tracks and feel what you’re feeling. Really, feeling the confusion is an essential step to not bypass this experience. How does your moment of bewilderment feel in your body? Along your skin? What feelings come up for you? Are you nervous about letting go of anything? Do you feel as if a part of you is dying?

This question is important: In your personal tornado moment, what would you compare these feelings to — being adrift on the ocean or lost in wild woods? Are you curious about the unknown possibilities of what could be birthed and created? Acknowledge the tension. Doing so lets more of you accept this state as an opportunity for growth and discovery. Feel it. Don’t flee it.

“Sell cleverness and buy bewilderment,” the Sufi poet Rumi writes. What an invitation! These days, after all, bewilderment can come freely if you’re open to it.

So, I invite you to celebrate this degree of confusion. When you do so, you taste the freedom in not trying to control all outcomes and in not having the answers for everything before you venture forward.

We celebrate bewilderment because you’re being honest and you’ve ventured somewhere in your mind, creativity, or life that is new, exciting, and transformative. Doing so admittedly can be hard. The dominant work culture in the United States has long valued the expert or manager with all the answers, but consider this: in this ever-changing climate, the person who can entertain ambiguities and whose mind is more flexible will have many advantages over the person who has nothing, but a brain filled with big data.

Surprises after all are learning opportunities. Our brains process novel information and sensory input, and then file away memories in the same region. So, we actually pay more attention to and remember what surprises us. Some studies are suggesting that when our expectations of core knowledge are defied, we learn better and explore more.

Being in bewilderment is an opportunity to hold the space between seeming oppositions.

Who I am now versus who I want to be. My current job versus my creativity. My for-pay work versus my for-passion work. My life as a parent versus my life as an artist. An idea of individuality versus an idea of community. We are wired in binary left-right thinking, but wonder trips our wiring and opens possibilities in the space between.

You can think of your wonder mind as the safe and brave container for your breakthrough. It’s the incubator for creative bewilderment. Befriend your wonder mind in this pause. When you pause long enough to get curious and more creative than reactive, you suspend the stress response, and your panicky amygdala calms down while your much more relaxed hippocampus lights up. This part of the brain detects novel information and sensory input. It’s involved in decision-making, learning, and long-term memory. The hippocampus is also a key area where your adult brain can generate new neurons, which science has only recently confirmed.

The fulfilled innovators I’ve worked with and studied have taught me how to foster a more creative mindset by expecting surprises, and preparing for them. We must be open and willing to leave our maps behind and accept our confusion if we want to become wiser. A creative mindset of fruitful bewilderment sets us up to do that much better than a distressed or panicked mindset.

I call this creative approach “fertile confusion” because we can use confusion to see ourselves anew and to redefine aspects of our lives or who we are through creative experiments. Fertile confusion is a state in which you refrain from seeking easy solutions or revert to old patterns long enough to transform your worldview, yourself, or your approach to a complex endeavor.

When you fertilize confusion, you can till the soil of your soul.

Consider Kerra Bolton. Kerra had built a successful career as a journalist, political pundit, and media communications specialist. As the media communications director for a prominent political figure, she was in North Carolina’s political inner circle and played a part in President Obama’s momentous win of that state in 2008. By 2016, she left North Carolina and those roles for Mexico. Her mother died just before she left, and the country’s divisive political climate shook Kerra’s sense of safety.

As a Black woman, she wanted a new start. She wanted to shed the identity tied to politics and media communications. “Artist” is what kept beckoning her toward a future horizon, but she had little idea how that would happen. During her phase of bewilderment, Bolton stayed open to possibility.

After a quick stint in making masks as an artist, she started publishing bold opinion pieces, including for CNN.com — which brought her notoriety and the attention of Ted Watchtel, founder of the International Institute of Restorative Practices (IIRP). The IIRP defines restorative practices as “an emerging social science that studies how to strengthen relationships between individuals as well as social connections within communities.” Watchtel hired Bolton as a journalist to travel with filmmaker Cassidy Friedman to document IIRP’s effects in the city of Detroit where restorative practices had helped rebuild relationships between the police force and communities of color.

While in Detroit, Bolton was personally moved by the encounters, and the filmmaker started to turn the lens on Bolton. She became not only a journalist but an “actor” in the unfolding narrative. That shift in lens awakened Kerra’s creativity in an even brighter light that meshed with her strong drive for justice and abiding curiosity in social issues. Fast-forward two years later, and Bolton helped Wachtel produce the award-winning docuseries Detroit Rising: How the Motor City Becomes a Restorative City — a project that Bolton says “led to discovering my voice as a filmmaker.” Now she is working on Return of the Black Madonna, which she notes “follows my experiences learning to swim, dive and map sunken slave ships with Black marine archeologists” — with Bolton as the protagonist.

In some ways, Bolton held the space between her roles as journalist and communications specialist and artist. The once-unknown space between has become an identity of her own making that weaves parts of her new role as documentary filmmaker and actress. Located on a beach in Mexico, she now runs her own film crew, some of whom have worked with Spike Lee. Through navigating her bewilderment, she has evolved in her unique way.

That’s the wonder of bewilderment.

Are you ready to accept your invitation?

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Portions of this essay have been adapted from or excerpted from Jeffrey Davis’s book TRACKING WONDER: Reclaiming a Life of Meaning and Possibility in a World Obsessed with Productivity © 2021 Jeffrey Davis. Reprinted with permission of the author and the publisher, Sounds True, Inc.

You may also enjoy reading Poetry, Wonder and the Creative Mind, by Jeffrey Davis

The post Lost and Found: Bewilderment as an Invitation to Transformation appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Exposing the often overlooked 4^th trauma response and taking down our learned behaviors that satisfy the needs of others but abandon our own

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We’ve all heard about fight, flight & freeze. These are trauma responses — the automatic responses from your body when you experience threat. They are all self-explanatory, but what about the fourth response? One so insidious and societally acceptable (even rewarded), that we barely even talk about it or notice it’s there?

This fourth response is known as ‘fawning’.

Fawning is when we appease, people please, pretend we are happy when we’re not, and even consent to things we don’t really want in order to mollify the emotions of others around us.

Fawning is widely displayed and, innocently, taught. We teach our children to fawn by saying “smile” when they don’t want to. We make them stay still when they want to move and we tell them to let people hug them when they don’t want to be touched. All because it makes the other person feel better.

This is different from having and teaching manners. Manners are a respectful way to say “I see you.” We might teach our children to say “thank you” or “I’m sorry I bumped into you,” but do we teach them how to respect and see themselves? Do we teach them to tell someone “I don’t like the way you touched me,” or “I feel stressed when you speak to me like this?” Do we teach them to listen to their bodies or to what someone else wants their body to do?

We teach our children to fawn because we fawn.

Yes, we get stressed when other people are uncomfortable, so we make our children act in ways that keep other people comfortable as well. It’s in those moments of “hug your uncle” when they don’t want to that we teach them to override their intuition and boundaries in those moments. They learn that, by repressing their own feelings, they’re sparing someone else’s disappointment or embarrassment.

And then we call it “nice”. So we grow up being valued for being “nice” (or bypassing our feelings) and then we meet someone who takes advantage of us and we let them — because we’re nice and we’ve grown accustomed to this behavior.

The shadow of fawning is deep resentment and aggression. I’ve sat with many people who use this strategy and, when given the opportunity to feel how they really feel, a lot of hatred and even violence emerges. This is just the necessary swing of the pendulum. Every fawning moment is a boundary break. Resentment and aggression exists to protect those boundaries. When we stop fawning, we also stop being angry.

I experience fawning and the teaching of fawning as an innocent one because it’s completely unconscious and it stems from intergenerational trauma. At some point in your life, or your ancestor’s lives, speaking or being your truth was threatening. That information stays in your cells until it get released. The information being: your truth = threat.

So we unconsciously live from the fawn response, consistently monitoring and modulating our truths so that we can feel safe. It’s a fear response and it’s taught, not through language, but through behaviors.

We release this unconscious response by making it conscious. You can do this right now. Just ask yourself: when do I smile, say yes, or act interested when I don’t want to? What does it feel like in my body when I do that? Would I actually be threatened if I stopped, or would it only feel like that?

This is the beginning. Notice how it feels, where it happens, how you fawn, and then you’re on the road to recovery. I strongly recommend working with a Somatic Experiencing therapist who can help you embody these responses so you can better notice when they happen and then redirect them.

You may also enjoy reading The Sacred Pause: The Art of Activating Healing Energy, by Travis Eliot

The post Fawning: The Missing Piece in Traumatic Healing appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

How a pandemic, a public pool and an obsession with the British Royal family inspired one writer to claim her spot on the book shelves

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The trick is getting to the pool early enough to claim the best lane. I want the one with the long wire running lengthwise above the water, or else I’ll crash. Not like car crash crash, more like beginning backstroke crash — I need the visual aid of the wire above me to keep from hitting the hard plastic lane dividers. My backstroke resembles a drunk toddler careening from side to side unless I track the wire, and I jam more than one finger when I don’t get the right lane. So I’m diligent about lining up early, six feet from my fellow swimmer, so that when pool manager James calls out in his deep baritone, “Head on in, and remember, I love you all,” I make a beeline for one of the two lanes with the wire above it.

Pushing off the wall, I feel the whoosh of water behind my bright orange swim cap. At five meters out, I pass the horizontal wire with little blue flags running down the length, signaling my ascent into deeper water. From there I follow the vertical wire, strung above me like a tightrope. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack — I windmill my arms and remind myself to relax my shoulders. Soon the vertical wire is my only visual marker, a silhouette against the sky. At this point I have no reference for my progress, and my mind plays a trick on me. Despite my body straining and my heart pumping, the illusion makes me feel suspended in place, time and sound cease to exist. I’m travelling down the lane but feel like I’m swimming in place, my mind blissfully blank. Suddenly, the second set of flags appear over my head, signaling the approaching wall, and the world snaps back into focus with a sharp whoosh. Suddenly, my physical exertion matches my mind’s eye and I’m hyper aware of my breathing, my movement, my thoughts.

I took up swimming during the pandemic. With the gyms closed, my living room failing as a makeshift yoga studio, and my driveway a poor substitute for Zoom fitness classes, I started swimming laps. My neighborhood municipal pool stayed open during lockdown and gave everyone their own lane, which in crowded Los Angeles is a little slice of heaven. Besides the grocery store and the occasional can’t-put-it-off doctor’s appointment, the pool became one of the few places I ventured to during quarantine.

The last 400 days have felt like one long trip down the wire, without any markers, unable to judge any progress.

I stared at the wire, at the sky, but couldn’t figure out how far or how fast my life was moving. The days bleeding into each other, the dishes, my work desk crowding the living room, the halfhearted way I ask my daughter “how was school?” even though I knew Zoom classes suck. But then suddenly I would see a flag in my peripheral vision and feel a flush of progress. Like when I finished a draft of my first novel.

My obsession, at least since 2017, is the British Royal Family. I started following them like some people follow the Kardashians, mostly to divert my attention from the news and fractious political environment. The Crown on Netflix was my gateway drug. When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry in a storybook Windsor wedding in 2018, I was all in. Here was a bi-racial, American divorcee joining the family that invented the stiff upper lip. She was a breath of fresh air, no, a gust, the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Diana. Could Harry, Meghan, William, and Kate live up to their new nickname “The Fab Four?”

Alas, no. Harry and Meghan’s break up with “The Firm” fascinated me. It became the inspiration for my forthcoming book.

In my fictionalized version of the very public Royal drama, the exiled Duke and Duchess are summoned back to London to find the missing heir, only to uncover shocking family secrets along the way. It’s juicy, it’s lavish, and it’s fun — and exactly what I needed to get through 2020.

As the COVID-19 pandemic bore down on me, on the world, I was consumed by anxiety and confusion. I woke up every morning at 6am with my mind racing. So instead of just lying there spinning, I wrapped myself in a warm housecoat, opened my laptop, and wrote pages, grateful for the quiet respite from my thoughts. My encyclopedic Royal knowledge was actually the foundation I needed to craft the world of my novel. I found an amazing book coach — I’m a former athlete who responds super well to coaching — and completed a first draft in twelve weeks. Since then, I’ve been revising, taking writing classes, and wondering when to call it done (never finished, just done).

I get my best ideas while swimming. Something about the pool puts me in the right headspace. There’s no phone buzzing, no email pinging, no family to look after. It’s just the water, my controlled breath, and deep thoughts. After each workout, I stand just outside the pool gates, dripping wet, furiously dictating voice memos into my phone, my swim ruminations becoming future pages.

The other day I gazed across the concrete pool deck, bare and charmless as only a city run facility can be. This sure doesn’t look like a place to find my creative spirit, I thought. But yet, I found inspiration in the little blue flags that fluttered above me like butterfly wings. I came to crave the sudden rush when I ceased to be weightless and lost, and instead feel catapulted forward by my own power. Late at night, when I’m writing in the makeshift office/pandemic school room off the garage, I often feel stuck. So, I close my eyes and transport myself back into the pool. I follow the wire and spot the flags, and my squeaky desk chair jolts forward as if powered by an unseen hand. That’s salvation. That’s my muse.

You may also enjoy reading Swimming for Strength, Injury Recover, Positivity and Overall Health, by Jane Sandwood

The post Finding My Lane: Pandemics, Pools and the Royal Family appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

A meditation teacher and fellow occasionally anxious person shares Buddhist advice for calming the stressed-out mind

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Pre-pandemic, I was at a dinner with friends. The music was pleasant, the food tasty, and the company divine. It’s rare this particular group gathers together so it felt like a real treat. At some point, the topic of politics came up (as it tends to at times), and I noticed when my friend Jonathan changed the subject. Later on, while we were exiting the restaurant, I took him aside and asked how he was doing. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said, “but I’ve gotten so anxious, I have to watch a half hour of animal videos each night just to come back to some semblance of normal.”

I had no idea my friend’s anxiety had risen to this level, and while I was saddened to hear it, I figured watching animals play was better than what so many of us do to lessen the overwhelm that plagues us. Some are so on edge, they habitually pick up a bottle and pour a drink. Others prefer popping pills. Some throw themselves into work in some hopeless effort to ‘catch up’ and be free of work anxiety, pretending that tomorrow won’t bring new emails to respond to. So . . . animal videos? I could shrug and accept my friend’s coping mechanism pretty easily.

The conversation stuck with me though, giving birth to my noticing how all-pervasive and perpetual anxiety is for so many people. This realization in turn gave birth my new book, Take Back Your Mind: Buddhist Advice for Anxious Times, which was written during this most anxious of times, the pandemic.

Of course, it’s not just my friend who was experiencing new levels of stress leading to anxiety. According to one study, anxiety is the number one mental health problem among women and is second only to alcohol and drug abuse among men. Yet, this rampant problem is rarely addressed as a public health epidemic. Close to forty million people in the United States suffer from an anxiety disorder, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America [[1]]. And if we’re honest, that’s exactly what it is — an epidemic.

Anxiety is the monkey so many of us carry on our backs, one we always want to be rid of, yet rarely discuss.

So I figured I’d open the discussion. I’ve suffered with anxiety all my life. Ten-year-old me couldn’t even attend a sleepover at a friend’s house because it was too stressful. Though I started meditating at age six, it’s not like I was able to breathe away all the stressful triggers over the course of my life (nor at any point in Take Back Your Mind do I expect you to). I’ve had to work with multiple modalities, including various meditation techniques and ways of discerning how to reduce certain triggers, and look directly at anxiety itself, all in order to live a life that allows me to notice when anxiety arises, acknowledge it, and come back to reality.

The fact of the matter is we all have stressors in our lives — work deadlines, family issues, a whole pandemic throwing our usual routines out of whack — and the question becomes what do we do when that stressor slaps us in the face? The brain is a problem-solving device so it has a tendency to spin out every possible ‘What if’ storyline out there, moving us from a place of experiencing stress to locking ourselves in anxiety. So while I have times when stressful situations arise and get the best of me, I’ve learned over the years to unhook myself from the stories that keep me locked in that state and come back into the present moment much more quickly.

The odd and perhaps controversial thing about my book is that I point out there is a choice we make to keep ourselves locked in stress.

I know — it doesn’t feel like a choice. But who is telling you to be anxious? Did your boss, when she wrote you asking for that project to be in her inbox by end of day, also say, “And I want you to be anxious about it every minute from now until then?” I doubt it. I am guessing no one has ever told you that you need to be anxious. So who is holding you in that state? Well, bad news: it’s you.

There’s a traditional analogy in Buddhism that illustrates this point: A man is walking in the forest when, out of nowhere, he is shot with an arrow. Now, instead of pulling it out and tending to his own healing process, he begins to spin out, thinking “Who shot me? Why am I always the one being shot? Everyone else gets to go around being happy, but I take one walk in the woods and as usual, I end up in trouble. Chuck at work deserves to be shot, not me.” And so on. This mental spiraling is known as the second arrow.

            Arrow #1: The suffering inflicted upon us as part of life.

            Arrow #2: The suffering we inflict on ourselves in response.

We all experience arrows in our lives.

Rent comes due and not enough money is in your bank account. There are budget cuts at work. Your colleague says, “I need you to call me” (I just physically shuddered while typing that one!). These stressors are the first arrow. But instead of spending all day every day trying to problem-solve, dragging us deep into a rabbit hole of anxious thinking, we can acknowledge the situation, attend to it to the best of our ability, and be present for the rest of our lives.

It surprises no one that I as the long-term meditation teacher would recommend meditation here. But I won’t be Pollyanna about it and pretend that if you do a bit of meditation you no longer ever give into ‘the sky is falling’ anxious thinking. Instead of expecting meditation to be a twenty minute venture after which you’re cured of negative thinking forever more, we need to think of ‘stress-reduction’ and meditation as long-terms endeavors, not unlike learning a new language or working out.

These activities all take time: If you have been spending all your waking hours chasing ‘What if’ storylines then when you begin to engage in stress-reduction and meditation techniques it might feel akin to wading into the ocean and trying to turn the tide back with your own two hands. Yet the more we do it, day after day, week over week, the easier it becomes. You wouldn’t expect yourself to be fluent in a new language or lose 20 pounds overnight, would you? Why should we suspect that taming the mind of its anxiety would be any different?

Yet through engaging in a meditation practice and — here’s the juicy part — working with your mind in the other waking hours of your day, your mind quite literally changes.

These techniques rewire the brain and train it to notice when anxious stories pop up and not to go down the rabbit hole with each one. Instead, we train to unhook ourselves from that story, take a breath, and re-enter the present moment. That’s step one.

Step two is beginning to notice all of the goodness under our noses: the freshness of flowers on the mantle, our young child cooing contentedly in the other room, the warmth of the sun on our skin…all of these simple joys are waiting to be discovered if we can lift the veil of our own anxiety long enough to see them.

^[1] Emma Pattee, “The Difference Between Worry, Stress and Anxiety,” New York Times, February 26, 2020

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For  more guidance you can check out Lodro Rinzler’s new book, Take Back Your Mind: Buddhist Advice for Anxious Times.

You may also enjoy reading Interview: Lodro Rinzler | A Mindful Life, by Kristen Noel.

The post Taking Back Your Mind: A Practical Approach to Stress & Anxiety Relief appeared first on BEST SELF.

A mother of a full-time traveling family gives herself permission to do things differently, to seek deeper connection…and to redefine it all

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Isn’t it interesting how an image can evoke so many emotions? Of course, that’s why they say a picture is worth a thousand words. Visual art moves us humans. Yes, some of us seem to be moved more easily than others, but the potential is there for us all. I happen to be one of those easily moved and motivated by photography. I think it’s because I begin to see the story within it.

This was something I didn’t fully realize, however, until I was an adult. Growing up, my sister was the ‘artsy’ one and I was the ‘sporty’ one. In dutifully fulfilling that label, it took me quite a while to find this love and appreciation.

Recently, while searching for some inspiring family camping photos, I came across this provocative image of a family living in the 1930’s California wilderness (featured above). It moved me deeply, and I had to do some further digging to figure out why. What was their why? What is this family’s story? Their reason for adventure?

I’m a camp-loving lady, and after seven years of full-time travel, camping around the US with my family in our Airstream travel trailer — we’re making a lifestyle change, a big one. I was hoping to find a collection of photographs to help me celebrate the beautiful, wild places camp-loving families are enjoying today, and while I found plenty of appropriate images, this one stopped me in my tracks.

As you may have guessed, this photograph does not depict a happy family having a wild and wonderful camping adventure. Sadly, it depicts a darker tale. It was taken around 1936-37 when photographer Dorothea Lange was traveling in California working for the Resettlement Administration, finding families in need, desperate for food, work, and a way to take care of their children; families willing to sacrifice everything for a chance at a better life.

The photographer’s note tells us that so many families just like this one were supposed to be shipped back to Oklahoma that year, but thought staying in California would give them a better life. So instead, they set up camp and made a home in wild places. Many of these families were starving and barely had enough shelter to survive the cold months, but they stayed on, camping in the wilderness long before it was a trendy thing to do.

It reminds me of my own family’s story. 

In 2006, while out for some ‘nature therapy’ with my brand-new baby, I heard a whisper deep in my soul say, “What if there’s more? What if you could move to that place you’ve been dreaming of and have an adventurous family life? What if there’s more than you know?”

My response was immediate: “You bet I’ll go. Who doesn’t want an adventurous family life?” And although some part of me wanted to respond with, “That would be nice, but what about the money and our family and…” I couldn’t stop my heart from soaring.

Six months later, I had sold everything I owned and was on a plane with my husband, our baby, and five suitcases moving from a small town in rural Georgia to the suburbs of Sydney, Australia.

Thankfully, we were not facing desperate financial circumstances like the family in that photograph, but we were certainly facing the unknown, trading everything we knew for a better life — taking a chance on a life full of family adventure.

Then, in 2013, we did it again. We sold everything we owned, packed ourselves into a camper, and set out for a life of full-time travel in search of another better life for our family. People tried to convince us to make a different choice. The government didn’t know what to do with us without a permanent address. And we even experienced a few dire straits along the way, too. But nothing could stop us.

Suburban life felt like a trap to us — an impetus for change for our increasingly disconnected-and-distracted-and-starting-to-sleepwalk-through-life young family. It felt like the opposite of the adventurous life we had imagined. We didn’t know what to do to remedy the situation, so we packed up our little boys (at the ripe old ages of 5 and 8 years old) and chose full-time family travel instead.

All these years later, I can look back and say it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.

We woke up to more adventure.

We woke up to bigger dreams.

We woke up to deeper relationships with each other.

And yes, we also sacrificed our careers, our friendships, and our extended family relationships. We spent every dime we had and then some. But we also knew there had to be a way for our family to find the kind of togetherness we’d dreamed about — the adventurous family life I’d been hoping for. And we found it.  

We redefined the way our family approaches life. We redefined togetherness on our terms.

Did you know someone could just do that? Make up a new definition of what it means to be a family and then try it? 

How audacious.

How presumptuous.

And yet, we did it. We moved to places we’d never heard of before. We camped in deserts and on ocean shores. We lived in places our parents had never even dreamed of. Our home was so tiny it was almost too uncomfortable for our family of four at times, but we camped in every state in the continental United States and found the kind of togetherness we were hoping to find along the way.

And here’s the really cool thing about it:

We aren’t extremely special people — at least not any more special than every person reading these words.

We had significant financial obstacles (although, I will wholeheartedly admit, not as significant as some).

We had a tremendous lack of experience.

And we had loads of fear.

But when the choice came between disconnect, depression, and disillusionment versus deep relationship, adventure, and a great big family life — we chose to take the leap. And it was amazing. Another remarkable thing is that we’re not alone. There are thousands of families doing the same thing, many way more adventurous than us. (A quick search on Instagram for #travelingfamily or #fulltimefamily will show you just how many.)

Seven years later, we’re better because of it. We are different people.

Our lives have expanded, our minds have expanded, and our hearts have expanded, too. We wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.

But as I write this, we find ourselves needing to redefine togetherness…again.

Yep, we bought a house (one that isn’t on wheels)! Our kids are now older, and we’ve all been dreaming of putting down roots and pulling back our travels for a season — hoping we can gather strength for international adventures in the years to come.

That means we’re coming back to a more ‘traditional’ life for now. But I’m not leaving behind my quest for adventure by any means. Instead, I find myself redefining that, too.

As you read these words, you may be a lover of travel, or you may not be. You may be struggling with travel restrictions or a change to your work or financial situation. You may be facing all sorts of obstacles right now keeping you from living the adventurous life you imagined.But what if you could see that all through a different lens?

And if you’re finding yourself in a place where you feel the need to redefine your life or your family right now, I want you to know this:

I believe every person can rewrite, shift, and find an adventurous family life if they look for it, no matter their circumstances and/or perceived limitations.

I believe we can all redefine togetherness when we need to — whether that involves the travel kind of adventure or not, or whether we have to wait a little while longer for it.

Redefining one’s own life means daring to imagine that life could be different, realizing that whatever you’ve been created for is always within reach, trusting that when you step out (and sometimes fall down), someone will be there to support you, guide you, and help you on your path.

It means you get to make the rules and run the show.

It means that at the end of your life when you realize your last moments are near, you can breathe easily and enter the rest you deserve, knowing you gave life your best shot, relishing in the fact that you left it all on the field — you didn’t save or waste or lose a thing.

This year I published my first book, Togetherness Redefined: Finding a Different Kind of Family Togetherness, to speak words of encouragement to all parents who want that kind of life because I know it’s something I’m not alone in desiring. Heaps of mothers and grandmothers (and even a few dads and granddads) all over the world have told me as much themselves.

We want deeper relationships. We want more adventure, happier days, something better to do together than watch Netflix and run from place to place every day of the week.

We want a different kind of family togetherness.

One like this (from the book):

“I believe in the power of parenthood, the potential that lives inside of every single parent who loves a child and wants what’s best for him or her. I believe that parents are the key to family togetherness and so many good outcomes for our kids — not government intervention or fancy programs, not mentors or teachers, not even schools or churches — parents. Not just the organic lunch type of parents, the extremely talented craft-making mamas, or the highly educated homeschooling experts either — plain old parents like you and me starting small, doing our best with the moments we have, and starting over every time we get it wrong. We’re the ones leading the way to family togetherness.”

Sometimes, that might mean embarking on a big, audacious adventure – moving to a new place, buying a home, starting a new career, going back to school, getting into something new, meeting new people, seeing new places. Other times, it might mean settling down and reevaluating, leaning into family and friends, getting the rest and rejuvenation we need, and gathering strength for adventures ahead.

Whatever it is, I bet we can do it, even if it means redefining a thing or two. Give yourself permission and see where it leads you.

You may also enjoy reading Travel Tall | Heeding a Passion for Travel, by Eric Giuliani.

The post Redefining Togetherness: One Mother’s Quest for an Adventurous Family Life appeared first on BEST SELF.

Ditching the over-commercialization of holiday madness in lieu of a practice for connecting to the sacredness of the solstice season

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My mission (in creating The 13 Holy Nights Oracle Deck and companion book) is to take the over-commercialized winter holidays back from the makers of materialism, and to return the focus of the solstice season to the Sacred. Instead of being swept away in the yearly avalanche of commercialism and materialism, this beautiful practice supports us in slowing down and tuning in; reconnecting us to our own inner light…to the mystery and magic of something greater.

I learned about The 13 Holy Nights practice many years ago from my qigong teacher. This ancient, nature-based ritual, has since completely changed the way I move through winter and the holiday season (and truly, the way I move through my life). Rather than just being dark and cold, the winter season now holds the promise of a tangible connection to the infinite, the mystery…the world of Spirit. I still participate in the usual holiday traditions, but I’m not nearly as consumed by it all as I once was. There’s a sacredness that I swim in during those 13 short winter days and long dark nights regardless of what is happening around me. Every year, the magic gets deeper, more profound and more tangible. As the years pass, I fall more and more in love with The 13 Holy Nights.

The practice begins on the winter solstice (December 21^st 2020), the longest, darkest night of the year. What is the natural world doing at that time? The trees have dropped their leaves; animals and plants are quieting down, conserving energy; everything is drawing energy inward. We humans in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand, are at our most frantic: shopping compulsively, over-indulging in sugar and alcohol, and jam-packing our December calendars with social activity.

The chaos of the holidays is the exact opposite of what is natural to our bodies (and energy bodies) during the peak of winter.

What’s more, the overwhelming stress and chaos of the holidays distracts us from the true and potent magic available if we were to quiet down, simmer down, and tune in.

So, how is the 13 Holy Nights practice actually done?* Each day of the 13 Holy Nights corresponds to a month in the coming year (with the exception of the first 24-hour period which corresponds to the entire year to come). On the first night, three oracle cards are drawn  — one animal card, one herb card, and one mineral card.

These three cards will be your constant guides throughout the coming year and represent the overarching themes you will be working with. For each of the following 12 nights, one card is selected, providing further and more particular insight into each of the 12 calendar months. In addition to drawing oracle cards, the idea is basically to be present and record everything that you experience, notice, intuit, feel, think, dream, etc. into a 13 Holy Nights journal. The information that you gather into your journal represents an imprint, a blueprint, a foreshadowing, a ‘sneak peek’ of the year to come.

By simply paying attention during this magical 13-day window you receive, directly from Higher Mind (the World of Spirit, the Mystery, God, the Field or whatever language you like), the spiritual tools and guidance you will need to navigate the upcoming adventures and challenges of the new year. You also have the precious opportunity to plant YOUR dream seeds, YOUR intentions and inspirations, in the fertile soil of the darkness so that they may sprout in the spring, bloom in the expansiveness of summer and be harvested as the fruits of your labor in the fall…before diving back in for another cycle of seasons.

It is the co-creative process AMPLIFIED by aligning yourself with nature.

The dream seeds you plant in the rich darkness of the 13 Holy Nights are like turbo-charged New Year’s resolutions. Rather than simply writing down a list of intentions you actually do the things, activities and practices you want to strengthen or develop in the coming year; you actually see or otherwise connect with the people you would like to have in your life; and you actually engage with the world in ways that bring you joy and happiness. A very real energetic imprint is created and stamped into a riptide of energy that is literally swept right into your future. It’s legit magic.

As you make your way through your year, the synchronicities that unfailingly unfold from your 13 Holy Nights journal will give you waves of goosebumps, will make you laugh out loud in disbelief and will fortify your faith in the unseen world of energy and Spirit. The wisdom jotted down in your journal will be like your own personal crystal ball, astrologer, psychic, therapist and guide. I’ve had countless 13HN journal entries manifest word for word in the exact month that corresponds to the Holy Night in which I wrote them down.

For example, one year — it was a sunny afternoon in June — I received an unexpected phone call: a dear friend who lives on the other side of the country happened to be passing through town. We had a delightful meal together before he made his way to the airport to fly home. After he left I had a nagging feeling that there may have been something written about him in my Holy Nights journal. When I pulled it out to check, I discovered that I had written down a fragment of a dream on the 7th Holy Night (the night that corresponds to the month of June). These words were scribbled in my journal, “A surprise visit from Tommy, so much kindness and connection there.” Whoa.

The 13 Holy Nights opens a portal into the potent, dark, quiet, still magic of deep winter. It is the most powerful time to re-connect, receive, replenish, reset and co-create. When we practice the 13 Holy Nights, we align with the rhythm of the seasons and are enfolded in the stunning intelligence of nature — an intelligence which, if we could only learn to follow it, could lead us out of the downward spiral of chaos we are now experiencing across our planet.

Nature is brilliant beyond our comprehension.

I am reminded of this daily by my cactus and succulent gardens: the exquisite natural design is so clear in their geometric fractal patterns. I believe that by aligning ourselves with that natural design and intelligence we discover our own natural human potential. This is what the practice of the 13 Holy Nights is about: tuning into the rhythm of the seasons, aligning with the intelligence of nature, reclaiming the true magic of the solstice season… and reclaiming a part of ourselves.

In so many ways our modern industrialized, technologically-dependent culture has rejected, abused and turned away from Mother Nature. We spend the majority of our time indoors, out of touch with the earth and her seasons and cut off from light of the sun, moon and stars. Poisonous chemicals pervade our air, water, food, homes, clothing, medicines, etc. We live and breathe in an invisible soup of man-made electrical frequencies.** We are now entirely submerged in a world filled to the brim with manmade toxins.

I wonder: Who would we be? How would we feel? How would these bodies and minds function and what would we be capable of if we lived in the pristine and natural environment we lived and evolved in for eons? We don’t know.

Historians and researchers question how certain ancient civilizations (the ancient Egyptians, Incas and Mayans etc.) accomplished unbelievable architectural feats or attained seemingly impossible knowledge without access to machines, computers and technology. What if we are capable of much more than we know? Every single person alive today knows only how it feels to be human while slogging through an environment cut off from nature and saturated with synthetic chemicals and poisons.

Lara Day discusses the 13 Holy Nights

In this moment, as I sit outside in my backyard writing, I smell my neighbors chemically fragranced dryer sheets permeating the air. I can actually taste the overwhelming synthetic fragrance in the back of my throat. What if ancient peoples were capable of such brilliance simply because their bodies and brains were in sync with nature and were not overloaded with, and dumbed-down by toxins? What if the poisonous ways of our modern industrial high-tech culture are keeping us from accessing higher levels of consciousness that would otherwise be quite natural to us all?

Currently, in the New Age movement, there is a lot of talk about a ‘Great Awakening’ that is in motion. It can sound fairly intangible, esoteric and far out to many, including those of us who speak woo. I’ve been thinking lately…What if this ‘Great Awakening’ isn’t some far-out sci-fi awakening to Buddha-like enlightenment and Yoda-like super powers, but instead, a here-and-now awakening to the corrupt power structures of our current global culture that are spewing toxicity into our environment and thus into our bodies, hearts and minds? And…wait for it…here’s where it comes full circle…because if we weren’t so absurdly toxic and cut off from nature maybe we would be more Buddha/Yoda-like with a greater capacity to utilize more of our brain power and thus access higher levels of consciousness. And perhaps levitate space ships out of soggy bogs with just the firm command of our thoughts.

This year more than ever before, I am fervently looking forward to aligning with nature by diving deep into the womb of winter.

With the world out there feeling more and more toxic and chaotic and the promise of a winter quarantine fast approaching, there has never been a more auspicious time to engage in the practice of the 13 Holy Nights. I am holding a vision of families and individuals all over the world soaking in the quiet stillness of the dark nights of winter and bringing back, from this place of primordial magic, inspired visions of a beautiful new world.

I am holding a vision of the quiet inward dive of the Holy Nights replacing the yearly maniacal surge of holiday madness and materialism gone wild. I am holding a vision of the 13 Holy Nights re-aligning us ALL with the intelligence of nature.

Th 13 Holy Nights practice is a return to the light within the darkness, to the sacred and stunning design of nature and the intelligence of the Universe. The 13 Holy Nights is a 13-day practice in being present, in tasting what is possible when we truly tune in to the energy within us and all around us, that is us. If we can practice plugging into the Mystery, during this magical 13-day window, when the elements and energies all around us are in cahoots with our inward dive, perhaps we can begin to let that feeling bleed out into the rest of our year. Perhaps we can learn to awaken within the dream. Perhaps we can usher in the ‘Great Awakening’.

Join me this winter. May we all dive deep!

(One of my intentions for the Holy Nights this year is to gaze into the unfiltered light of 13 sunrises and 13 sunsets…aligning with the light, aligning with nature!)

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*For complete details, please visit: 13holynightsoracle.com

**See The Invisible Rainbow by Arthur Firstenberg for more on this topic.

You may also enjoy reading Rewilding: Revealing Winter’s Gifts of Impermanence and Connection, by Micah Mortali, M.A.

The post 13 Holy Nights: Reclaiming the True Magic of the Solstice Season appeared first on BEST SELF.

Standing at a critical technological crossroads, we have become oblivious to our own demise in body, mind and spirit

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Have you realized your unique creative potential? In living your precious life, how much have you evolved emotionally, spiritually or ecologically? Have you enhanced your personal responsibility, autonomy, relationships or custodianship of the planet? Are you fulfilled and happy with who you are?

If we look beneath the virtual reality of our tech-driven world, we see a deep yearning for connection and meaningful fulfillment.

Something fundamental is missing and many of us are trying to fill the void. While wireless technologies promise mobility, convenience and freedom, they have instead compromised our humanity, while distracting us from what we have lost and keeping us stuck in a perpetual loop of unmet emotional and spiritual needs.

With endless information at our fingertips, we may feel more in charge of our lives than ever before, but we have never been less free. We have become mobile databases, generating masses of personal data used to track, control and exploit us.

We have lost an essential part of our humanness — the part that relates to compassion, caring for others and seeking heartfelt connections. Our humanity matters more than any inanimate gadget, and if we deny the proven dangers of wireless devices, harming ourselves and others while disengaging from the natural world around us, it shows us just how dehumanized we have become…and it means we no longer care.

I call this social greedia — not caring how much we harm people, the planet or society, in our need for social-media sustenance.

Absorbed in our digital world, we lose touch with nature, our inner wisdom and the higher faculties designed to keep us true to ourselves. We fail to see that we have been masterfully played by those with a vested interest in keeping us emotionally disconnected, socially seduced, stressed, insecure and burnt out.

Focused outwards on the symptoms of our dysfunction, we distract ourselves from our pain, blaming others for not fixing things, while failing to take responsibility for the way we live.

Our choices matter. They affect everyone, and the increasing demand for an easy wireless lifestyle is making life hell for those feeling its effects. Not caring or taking the appropriate action for our planet or each other is part of the syndrome of dumbing down and emotional detachment caused by wireless radiation. This is what makes the current technological takeover so masterful. On top of the logistical, physical and emotional dependence on mobile technologies, the loss of empathy, emotional intelligence and consciousness really seals the deal. That’s not just tragic; it’s deadly, because not caring means we give in and don’t fight back.  

A wake-up call… or the big long sleep?

Right now, if you are relatively healthy and you use a cell phone or other wireless devices, you are taking your health for granted. But you can expect a wake-up call very soon. I’ve had mine, in the form of a brain tumor, so I may be a little bit ahead of you. But it won’t be long before you get it…or it gets you. Then you will realize just how much you have lost and that the human rights you also took for granted are no longer respected or enforced. Wireless technology has taken over, increasingly pulling us away from what is healthy and natural for our bodies, minds and spirits. In the process, we are losing consciousness, surrendering our own personal evolution to the evolution of inanimate technology.

If technology runs our lives, we no longer do.

And if the evolution of technology overrides the evolution of humanity, we will have eliminated ourselves from the equation.

We urgently need to get back in the driver’s seat and steer things in a healthier direction. Consciousness is the very antithesis of the tech takeover — and the only true antidote to it. But how do we regain consciousness if we do not realize we have lost it? How do we become conscious of not being conscious?

We must find stillness and give ourselves the opportunity to feel, process and integrate what is happening in our lives. We were never intended to process so much information, to be so mentally over-stimulated, to be spiritually and emotionally disengaged, or to have so many things clamouring for our attention.

Many people are in overwhelm, their brains on fire, their hearts empty, and their lives a non-stop juggling act. We must separate ourselves from our ‘upregulating’ gadgetry in order to reconnect with our deeper selves…or even to simply be present.

In most cases, smart phones serve as the delivery device — a virtual umbilical cord — that keeps us co-dependent. Only by switching them off and opening our eyes and hearts to what is around us can we start to see what we are losing. As precious trees are cut down to facilitate the delivery of 5G, as more and more children get cancer from wireless radiation, and as smart devices increasingly run our homes, choices and every move, consciousness is the only thing left inside us that we can fully own and control…and that no one else can control.

Evolution is about finding a higher way, and we can only evolve if we are conscious of what we are doing. We are being pushed to reclaim our hearts and humanity in the face of a heartless, predatory technology. As technology evolves, so does disease, due to the deepening separation of head from heart and our focus on symptoms versus underlying cause. We now have more epidemics of disease, more social dysfunction, and more mental illness then ever before in our world. The frequencies being beamed at us are changing the way we behave, think and feel, controlling us without us even knowing it. This is the price we pay for not consciously evolving — for having surrendered our personal autonomy, our spiritual sovereignty, our emotional integrity and our physical functionality to gadgets that promise to do it all for us.

‘Social greedia’ or conscious evolution?

Being human is about being truly present, compassionate and wise, and making simple, healthy choices that promote our collective survival and prosperity. With every choice we make, we have the capacity and the option to evolve to a higher plane of existence. We can collectively feed the machine that will ultimately render us almost obsolete, or we can feed our hearts and spirits, broadcasting our own healthy frequencies and starving the predators that are leaching the life out of us.

This means reconnecting with our humanity, which is what keeps us connected to what matters most. It also keeps us connected to what is right. If we lose touch with our humanity, we lose our moral compass…and we can’t use GPS to find our way home.

We stand at a crucial crossroads in our evolution: stripped of our humanity, subsumed by wireless gadgets, we are pliant puppets in the tech takeover, oblivious to our own demise.

Conscious evolution is an active choice. We can choose long-term viability over short-term gratification; we can choose enduring spiritual connection over instant wireless connectivity; and we can choose to feed our own healthy neural networks rather than feeding data-hungry online networks that exploit our every move, friendship, purchase, weakness, need, emotion or desire.

Only by choosing to consciously evolve can we hope to outwit the predator that stalks us. Disguised as our friend, it seduces us with the promise of an exciting futuristic life, while scrambling our brains and weakening our bodies with its invisible irradiating waves. The stealthy wireless stalker makes us forget who we really are, feeding our needs and getting us hooked on its addictive offerings.

It is human trafficking of the most tragic and insidious kind. The only escape lies in conscious self-awareness, withdrawal from our addictions, and an active commitment to being fully human. We must return to love, engage our true nature, reclaim our personal autonomy and choose to evolve for the sake of every precious beating heart.

Olga Sheean’s latest books; click an image to view on Amazon

You may also enjoy reading an interview with Olga Sheean, Innate Wisdom: Reawakening Our Truth, Reclaiming Our Power, Changing Our World, by Alison Main.

The post Social Greedia: Has Our Evolution Been Derailed? appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Musings from an environmental anthropologist dedicated to exploring wild, untamed foods — even in her own backyard

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Is it possible to be homesick, not for a place, but for the past?

One of the central themes of my book, Feasting Wild: In Search of the Last Untamed Food, is the sense of nostalgia we might feel for a time when eating meant something different. When nutritious food came fresh from the pristine nature all around us. When we knew the seasons and could identify the abundant edible plants growing in our backyards.

How had we lost this deep connection to the earth? 

This sense of being homesick for the past has taken on new meaning since COVID-19. How we long for a time before this global pandemic and all the suffering it has brought! And yet, I have found new meaning in being home. I spent many years traveling to research my book — from the far flung rainforests of Borneo, to the wild game markets of the Democratic Republic of Congo, and even a thrilling excursion to an island off the coast of Maine. During the past few months, I have been forced to be home in New Mexico where I grew up, rerooted in a place I rarely visited long enough to do laundry. 

Unable to travel, my first feeling was one of being stuck, static, confined. I yearned for an adventure.

But as the days passed, I found a new sense of being grounded.

I learned to ferment foods, something I had never had the patience to do before. I reconnected with family and friends, and found joy in such simple pleasures as waking up before sunrise to watch the day begin with a steaming cup of coffee and a good book. As the sky turned pink then blue with a flourish of colors I had never noticed, I found pleasure in the feeling of just being here, now, in this moment.

Ironically, staying home has made me appreciate the edible weeds in my backyard, not as a nuisance but as little gifts. Reminders that the past is always with us.

Although sometimes long gone days might appear sweeter, we possess the capacity to imagine and create a brighter future, today.

The feelings of nostalgia and homesickness are transformed by rediscovering the delicious moments that have been here with us all along.

You may also enjoy reading Off the Mat, Into the Kitchen: Bringing Mindfulness to Our Plate, by Tamal and Victoria Dodge

The post From Globetrotting to Grounded: An Exploration of Wild Foods and Connection appeared first on BEST SELF.

One woman’s primal and poetic reclaiming of her feminine self in all of its glorious connection to Mother Earth and her own animal nature

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Last week, I reached for Mary Oliver’s poem Wild Geese — you know the line, “Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” Something in me just needed to read it again.

For the last six weeks, since the disappearance of my beloved cat Mila upon moving in with my partner, I’ve been contemplating what I am calling ‘animal nature’. And it’s not just that my mind is trying to grok this concept as it did in the beginning, rather the contemplation is more an experiential exploration. An embodied remembering of my own animal nature. One long overdue.

I just moved to an alive and wild piece of land to live with a man.

A piece of land that is presumably just fine without humans, but since we’re here, I get the sense that She would prefer we engage with Her. (Yes, the choice to use and capitalize feminine pronouns here is purposeful. I like to remember that the Earth is associated with the feminine archetype. How we — each of us — engage with Her, therefore, is telling on many levels.)

My first intuition when Mila left sounded like, “cultivate Life here.” So, trying to show I was listening, I planted some local tomato starts in pots on the deck, made sure all the indoor plants had fresh soil and plenty of light, and I worked on creating a freshness in and around the house. Then, I also became obsessed with trying to ‘listen’ to what the next intuition would instruct me to do. What did the land want? What did this new life want of me? What did my cat need in order to want to come back and make this home with us?

Honestly, I was no longer in the flow with life, I was trying to perform. Trying to be a good little woman, as we sometimes do, in order to please — what? My cat? The land? Nature? God?

See what I did there? I began to treat what were sacred invitations to return to my animal nature like it was something I could earn.

We do this so often as women. We think, “If I am good, maybe I will be deemed worthy.” So we stay quiet, and tidy until something jolts us awake. Like a missing animal. Or a man’s body. Or a welcome change of scenery reveals to us the tightness of how we’ve been living in our own body.

Animals are not quiet and tidy. This ‘good girl’ way of thinking is an old trap — the oldest — and we know it deep within us. Something in each of us wants to revolt.  It’s why women everywhere are leaning in close to one another and announcing, “I am a goddamned cheetah.” (To quote Glennon Doyle’s recent book Untamed.)

We are brainwashed from the beginning that our animal nature is dirty. That a woman is to be obedient. That if she is too wild, too sexual, too in her body, too alluring, she will actually repel God and her worthiness from her.

We are taught that in order to be worthy, we must tame our animal nature. Which is horse shit. Actually, horse shit is holier than whatever that is.

The Sacred, however, is not outside of us, judging us, waiting for us to clean up our act before we can be worthy. Of our cat, our pleasure, of the ability to take a full and deep breath inside our free and undulating bodies. The Sacred, and you can call it God or Nature or Universe or whatever, actually exists inside of all of the places of embodied pleasure. Embodied animal nature.

When I say that I’ve been contemplating animal nature, what I really should say is that I’ve been invited in the last few weeks into an even-deeper remembering.

Invited to let, as Mary Oliver says, “the soft animal of my body love what it loves.”

Invited to recognize the layers of healing available to me now. (And to you — this is your invitation too.)

Invited to remember the ways my body wants to move, in big movements. It wants to sweat and heave and breathe bigger than I’ve been allowing myself to breathe. It wants to remember all of the sounds it knows to make — the sounds I always look around, even on this mountain top, to see who would hear me if I made them. So I generally don’t. Taming my animal nature from erupting from my own throat.

And it’s not my partner’s fault that upon moving in, I had subconsciously decided to quiet myself around certain issues, to temper my vocals, to stop my breath somewhere around my diaphragm. This man will talk to me about anything.

I know that unfortunately, I am not the only woman to have ever quieted herself.

Indeed, I help women to liberate their own silences and there I was, doing it again, calling it a ‘feminine’ consideration, calling it patience, waiting for things to work out over time. But leaving things unspoken. Which is really just a recipe for an eventual eruption. Because animal nature, even in the throat, is not to be tamed. 

Then last weekend, we were standing in the morning sun, dripping sweat for the second day, clearing a garden plot at my animal-nature-reclaiming request, each doing more physical labor than we were used to doing, and the wheelbarrow handle snapped when we still had plenty of sod to move.

Looking back, that snap was divine.

I made a suggestive request (instead of saying outright what I desired), he did another thing entirely, and then the energy snapped too. I realized that sometimes he can’t hear me because I am not in my true voice when I say them. And we had to shovel these heavy piles of sod and throw — in fact heave — them over the edge of the yard, and as we did, I let my animal body take over. To make sounds. I let my stomach take in the full breaths. I let myself yell in frustration. I let myself say another layer of my own, previously-quieted truth.

All that was deep and transformative medicine for my animal nature.

This man will go to all of the natural, sweaty, embodied, dark, real places with me. It is not his job to understand what a woman’s original taming feels like, because I don’t really think a man can. He tries to understand as I explain parts of it to him. And I can’t help but to think that it is also his invitation. If I, as a woman, allow my deep, erotic, animal passion to fully emerge, it is good for him.

I am letting my animal body get used to stretching out again in full permission.

To be me.

This nature is not separate from me, though to some extent, it has been. In ways, my separation from these wild parts has caused closures in places I did not ever want to see close — it just happened over time. It has caused, over time, years of performance and holding myself up in society’s confines. I break plenty of rules, and I’ll be damned if it still doesn’t have me somewhat tied.

Over these last six weeks, lost parts have been returning — all somehow connected to this theme. After Mila left, my body stopped eating meat and I was more attuned to what it actually needed. My son and I are digging in the garden and I’m teaching him the structure of it all as I remember it. My first college degree was in sustainable agriculture, but I let that go as I had climbed a career ladder. I just started to compost again, collecting scraps to recycle into nutrients that feel too precious to waste now. I’m digging dirt in the mornings and evenings, when my breath has habitually been tightest, and now I’m standing on that mountain as the sun goes up and down, attuning to rhythms that I had tuned out.

I bought a box of clay and my son and I have been engaged in the tactile nature of molding it, unattached to outcome, while music plays in the background and our brains create. He paints quietly on the porch in the air and the shade. I take time to read fiction while my body sways in a hammock. I have taken hours to simply sit with the other cat on my lap, her animal body, nuzzling in, making contact.

I’ve made love to my partner many times, many ways, finding my breath and my heart in richer and richer ways. Calling parts of my woman-self back in this primal space.

I’m writing in the mornings. I have decided that I will put the foods in my mouth that feed my pleasure. Nothing else. I’m listening to the land, not with an anxious pressure that I hear everything She’s trying to tell me, but with a new sense of gratitude. She has a lot to say.

She, Mother Earth, is sending us a very clear invitation, to come home to our own bodies and activate our remembering of what we know.

I’m breathing it in as I’m able and sharing wisdom with other women. I’m watching as women are gathering together, sharing inquiry, intuitions, and knowledge, tapping into something both old and new. I’m picking wild berries and listening to bird calls I can’t yet decipher, but maybe one day we will get to know one another better.

I’m breathing.

My muscles, today, are aching from all the heaving.

I’m remembering something ancient and new. Without rush. Coming through me as a remembering, coming through this life transition.

When I read Wild Geese this last time, it was actually the last line that stood out to me as the true medicine of these wild times. It reads, “…over and over announcing your place in the family of things.”

I’m reminded that animals know their place in the family of things.

Animals wouldn’t position themselves, like humans have, like I have, to being ‘outside’ or ‘other than’ the natural world. They wouldn’t imagine otherwise with a brain that says, “Do I belong? May I live as myself? May I take a nap now?” They don’t ask if they are worthy of their place in nature. They don’t try, as we do, to control. They don’t grieve like humans grieve, because we judge that something should not be happening. They wouldn’t ever consider that they are separate from the Sacred nature of all that is, that God is outside of them, these lies of separation that we’re spending lifetimes mending. They don’t try to be good. They don’t try to please. They are integral to life, to the whole. Of course they are.

How naturally beautiful.

How inviting.

To be an animal in the family of things.

And as I pick the berries, as I ponder how to make a peppermint tincture, as I shovel dirt, as my breath deepens in a certain restoration, and as I allow my soft animal body to love the soft animal body of this man, I think — this is what we are creating and remembering, both: our place in the family of things.

—

Note from the author:

Written in gratitude to Mary Oliver for her articulation of her close observation, to Glennon Doyle for helping modern women to awaken, to the indigenous people of this land that my hands are now touching, and to the animals, our teachers.

And to Mila. Thank you, you sweet and ancient soul, for this deep activation of Sacred Remembering. 

by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

You may also enjoy reading Soul Voice, by Meggan Watterson

The post Animal Nature: An Invitation for Reclaiming, Untaming & Being appeared first on BEST SELF.

One woman’s search for emotional healing guides her outside her own doorstep into the embrace of Mother Nature

—

I’m a wife and a mom. I buy groceries, give hugs, cook meals, plan adventures, scrub floors, and wash dishes. I’m also a writer and I homeschool my teenagers, and for the past two and a half years I’ve been trying to work remotely full-time, travel with my family full-time, homeschool full-time, manage a full-time graduate school schedule, and start my own business. To say it’s been too much is putting it mildly.

I knew it was too much for anyone to handle (apart from Captain Marvel or Superwoman perhaps, neither of which am I anything like), but I told myself it was temporary – a necessary evil in a season of necessary transition. Still, it’s been too much for too long, and I feel myself breaking and barreling towards burnout.

I’m in the process of untangling myself from the fray, reducing my workload, finishing projects, adding margin to my schedule, and learning how to rest in simple pleasures — but admittedly, it’s hard to let go.

I don’t deserve a medal or an accolade; what I need is therapy – someone or something to help me find the real me again.

I saw a therapist for the first time last summer. Although I grew up believing therapists and counseling were for people unlike myself – people with problems bigger than mine – thankfully, someone taught me better. On top of overcommitting myself, I had been through a lot the year prior, and I was feeling shaky. So, I made an appointment and drove the hour it took to get to her office. It was raining, and I was so nervous by the time I got there that I spent the entire hour babbling on about nothing to the point that she didn’t get a word in edgewise. I made a follow-up appointment a few weeks later to try to remedy the situation, to listen and seek her advice, but the same thing happened again, and I felt worse when I left.

In that moment, I realized that therapy can mean different things in different seasons of our lives. I needed to find my kind of therapy, so I started looking outside, and I found it in nature.

Some part of me knew nature was my therapy all along; it just took me a while to embrace it.

As a little girl, when life got too heavy and too hard, I would grab a journal or book and run outside to the big sweetgum tree in our backyard and sit there reading and writing until things turned around. As a teenager, I would go for bike rides on old dirt roads to sort out my feelings. In college, I would take my books to the big open field on north campus and watch deer meander through the meadow while I tackled the never-ending stack of homework.

As a young mom in the suburbs, my husband and I chose the home with woods in the backyard and a neighboring wooded lot. In the spring and summer months, I took my babies outside for bike riding, walks in the cul-de-sac, and runs through sprinklers — driven indoors only by the summer heat. In the fall, we gathered piles of leaves and jumped into them. We even got outside in the winter months too.

When my kids were older, we moved to the coast for better weather, and I piled them into the car every other day for a drive to the beach where we enjoyed hours of fun in the sun.

Eventually, we ditched traditional living and started traveling full-time as a family to experience nature all over the U.S., to connect with our kids on a deeper level, and to escape the unnecessary busyness that was plaguing our lives. Since then, we’ve seen 48 states, spent months in national parks and national forests, tried our hand at sailing, and had unforgettable experiences in our rolling 200-square-foot camper home.

Looking back, I can point to the times when I’ve been my best self; it’s always been the times I was immersing myself in nature. Other times, it felt like something was missing. I should have seen it sooner.

And now, I go back to nature again for the therapy I need to help me shift toward my best self in this new season. Thankfully, it seems to be working so far.

Just recently, I felt a peace I haven’t felt in a long time as I drove with my husband to the top of Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park to watch the sun set over islands, mountains, and a dense fog rolling over ocean waves. The next morning, I stepped out of my camper door and hopped onto my paddleboard at high tide in the salty waters of Somes Sound to take in another stunning view. A harbor seal watched me warily as I stared at the mountains in the distance, breathing deeply and enjoying the water for hours, letting a deep sense of gratitude wash over my soul’s broken spaces.

In moments like these, it seems like I’m living inside someone else’s journal entry from a beautiful vacation week on the coast of Maine, but thankfully, this is not a week-long vacation. As I write this, I’m sitting outside on a cliff overlooking the outgoing tide while birds sing back and forth to one another from neighboring islands announcing the storm that’s rolling in.

Because we’re slowing down our family travels for a while, we’re parking our little rolling home here for the foreseeable future, and I know it’s exactly where I need to be to heal.

Nature is my therapy.

It may not always be this way, but for now, I feel more alive in nature, like I’m coming back to myself. I gain perspective and peace, and I find it easier to walk away from the clutter I’ve invited into my life. I may have to try returning to a human therapist when I need another shift (hopefully she won’t run the other way), but in the meantime, I’m leaning into what I know helps.

My life feels too loud sometimes, too chaotic, too full. So, I step outside and let the woods and the salty-sweet smell of the sea take me to another place. I feel alive almost instantly, miles away from the bleary-eyed mama standing over a sink full of dirty dishes I was only moments before.

My brain feels too tired sometimes, too full, too scattered, like I’ve been asking too much of it for far too long. So, I close my MacBook and step outside. Almost instantly, I have a new perspective, a clearer view. I feel awake and alive, thankful and free.

My heart feels too heavy sometimes, too worried about the world, too defeated to be a part of the solution. So, I go for a walk with an audiobook that helps me realize I am a part of the solution and my voice matters. I come back to my family an hour later a new woman.

These stories play out over and over for me. I feel like myself when I’m sitting outside, even if I’m writing or working or teaching homeschool to my kids, my breathing is easier, my face rests in a smile, and I can relax. This lets me know my nature-therapy is doing its work.

When I’m depleted as profoundly as I have been these past few years, I have to find what feeds me, what fills me up, what gives more than it takes. My faith does this sometimes, and so does my family and friends, but in those relationships, I’m far too tempted to perform – something that can be destructive for people like me. With nature, there is no performance, no temptation to be anything other than me. No pressure to keep a conversation going, no way I could be depended on for anything.

I show up, and nature is there to feed my soul. She doesn’t need one thing from me.

“I can’t believe we get to live here,” is all I could say the other night as we watched the sun set on top of that mountain in Acadia – words that have been echoing in my mind ever since. The fact that we’re surrounded by so much beauty still astounds me. I’m not extremely wealthy by the world’s current definition of the word, but my life feels richer and fuller than I ever imagined it could. I didn’t inherit a home here or grow up in this wild and wonderful place, but I’m raising my children here as a girl who found her thing and chose a life that’s allowing me to chase it – even if that requires a tiny home and camping lifestyle to achieve.

John Muir said, “Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.”

I’m pretty sure he was talking about me, and I often wonder how many people feel the same. For every soul searching for his/her kind of therapy, seeking respite from days, weeks, months, and years that are too much, too heavy, and too busy, maybe nature could be your kind of therapy too. There’s plenty to go around. Let’s remember to embrace Mother Earth and care for her as she does us…let’s return the favor.

You may also enjoy reading Nature Rx: The Healing Power of Nature, by Justin Bogardus

The post A Walk On The Wild Side: Nature as Therapy appeared first on BEST SELF.

With whimsy, wisdom and heart — Sarah and Alice the Elephant, her spirit animal, dish up daily reflections and a prompt for prayer to heal your life.

—

I was seated facing the majestic Apu Pachatusan, a mountain of immense spiritual power in the sacred valley of Peru. Assisted by a local shaman, our small group worked with masterful plant medicines to heal. In the first ceremony, beneath the intense Andean sun, I was drawn to a feather that was caught in a tree branch, somehow dangling and spinning freely in the wind. The immense softness and lightness of the feather beckoned to me.

As I sat near the spinning feather, under the healing influence of the ceremony, it felt like the entire Universe embraced me with love. A recent rejection from my literary agent popped into my head. It was a fictional piece I’d been working on for three years on and off.  Intellectually, I had come to terms with the fact that they just weren’t interested. Apparently, though, I had suppressed all of the actual grief that came with such an unexpected “no thank you.”  

I began to cry and release the pain. 

As my tears dried quickly in the dry air, I immediately felt much lighter and a new idea arrived.  Yes, I would go back to the fiction at some point, but there was a new project I could begin immediately that felt as soft and light as that spinning feather.

The idea was simple. I would share a daily message from one of my helping spirits.

My heart was now at full sail, billowing with love and anticipation. Just the idea of spending more time with Alice the Elephant daily thrilled me. Alice is a very buoyant and salty beastie and she has been a true friend to me.

Without Alice’s superlative counsel and love, I mused, I’d still be scared, faithless, and frozen in place in my old job at the hospital, afraid to make a move. Alice’s advice hasn’t always been easy to swallow, but it’s served me so well I thought it might help others too. Big transformation is Alice’s specialty. 

In my early forties, I was a physician (a pathologist, to be specific). I hunted disease for a living. I loved that career until, unwittingly, I got a call to the hero’s journey. After what I fondly refer to as my ‘radical sabbatical’, I came out the other side as a shamanic healer, a life coach (or as I sometimes refer to myself, a Life Obstacle Assassin), a creative and a writer.  

After two decades of disease hunting, I’d grown more curious about what creates health.

After leaving medicine, I decided to dedicate my life to creating wellbeing in myself and others. I found that the shamanic path of spiritual and soul-centric healing offered powerful tools for doing just that: connecting with spiritual realms full of love, singing, dancing, telling stories and being creative in myriad ways. 

I’ve discovered a very special subset of people (that’s us!) who are healers, artists, and helpers. We have magical powers, and we have unique challenges too. 

With Alice’s blessing, after returning home from Peru, I launched a One Hundred Day project to begin sharing these messages.

As I began to visit Alice every day and share her messages publicly, a marvelous thing happened. People liked it! Especially the healers, creatives and helpers. I made simple art pieces to go with Alice’s missives. The comments keep coming. “I love this!” “Yes, more Alice!” “Thank you, Alice!” It was helping people, which was fun. 

One weekend, I stopped posting, because I was busy running a retreat. On Saturday, somebody messaged me, saying, “Where did Alice go? I was counting on her today!”

I realized this was important work. People needed Alice. I felt excited, because feeling useful is the best feeling in the world. 

Here are a few samplings of Alice’s daily blessings:

I decided I’d develop this beloved project into a book of daily inspirations, one for every day of the year. After each day’s Alice lesson, I’d add my own commentary, an invitation or suggestion, and finally a prayer. 

As I reread the finished book, a year later, I see many themes: prayer, meditation, humility, moderation, self-love, family, friendship, creativity, pitfalls and quagmires, recovery from addiction, and dealing with fear. I had so much fun reviewing old lessons and learning new ones from Alice. 

Maybe you’ve had some heartbreaking creative rejection or disappointment of another kind recently too? Maybe your heart could use a little of that spinning feather-soft lightness as well? 

In this time of the pandemic, so much transformation is possible. It’s going to take willingness on our part if we’re going to get where we want to go. Together we can co-create that beautiful world that we all want to live in and Alice has the wisdom that can help get us there. 

I send you lots of love and a freight train fully-loaded with courage and willingness.  

—

P.S. Spirit animals can teach us so much. If you don’t have a connection to yours yet, I highly suggest seeking one out. If you go to www.followyourfeelgood.com and subscribe, you’ll get taken directly to a recording where I will guide you on a drum journey to connect with your spirit animal.

You may also enjoy reading Soul Dog: A Journey into the Spiritual Life of Animals by Elena Mannes

The post How Good Are You Willing To Let Life Get? Daily Messages From A Spirit Animal appeared first on BEST SELF.

Reflections from a trailblazer of women’s health looking back — a personal letter of love and gratitude to her younger self

—

Dear Chris (circa 1994), 

I have just finished watching episode 2 of Kelly Turner’s Radical Remission docuseries produced by Hay House. And I have found myself cheering, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” These are the types of healing stories that your pioneering work spoke of so many years ago when very few people were listening.

Even then you knew that people had the power to heal themselves — that our bodies know how to heal. 

And now (finally), many more people are ready to listen.   

As I look back at everything you believed and practiced so many years ago, I have such great fondness for you, and such admiration for your courage to keep going despite the world in general, and medicine in particular — not being ready to hear what you had to say. Teaching people that ‘food was medicine’ and that we can all heal ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually, was often considered weird. 

Some people said your patients were ‘crazy’ when they told the truth about their experiences.  

And, you were considered equally crazy because you validated your patients’ experiences. You were called ‘a quack’ for prescribing herbs, supplements, meditation, exercise, and organic food. Yet you persisted. Why? Because it worked! And because you knew that it was unethical to withhold information from patients, no matter how out of the box that information appeared.  

And an amazing thing happened — together you healed.

Like your patients, you found the path to healing your own body, including a fibroid tumor, a breast abscess, and a dysfunctional labor.

When you wrote the first edition of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom in 1994 you forged new territory with very little support from your colleagues and society. Your book chronicled the effect of women’s histories on their bodies. But, the idea that the mind and body were intimately connected was simply not accepted back then. Yet, somehow your belief in the truth was strong enough to get you through. 

Little did you know that it would take more than 20 years for the mainstream culture to finally believe women, and that many more women would begin to stand up for themselves and others by speaking about their experiences, as with the #MeToo movement. 

If you had known what was coming, you might not have had the courage to make your journey. 

I’m glad you didn’t know that sticking with your truth would end your marriage, or that it would lead to several lawsuits that had nothing whatsoever to do with malpractice or wrong doing.  

Damn girl! I don’t know how you did it! 

You couldn’t have realized back then that the work you were doing in a small town in Maine would eventually reach all over the world..

And that the very personal losses, grief, pain, healing, triumphs, and transformations that you and your patients experienced would have universal themes that would help millions of women worldwide (and continue to do so today). But, you had faith and you stood strong.

Do you remember how you could barely look at the finished copy of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom? You couldn’t really take it in. Writing that book was an arduous task. And you were like a mother after a traumatic delivery who had a hard time bonding with her baby. All you could see were the parts that weren’t quite perfect. 

The week before Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom was published, you had awakened screaming several times during the night. You were certain that someone was in the house with a gun wanting to kill you. 

Then, on the same day in June, 1994, when your book was published by Random House (a mainstream publisher), you were scheduled for grand rounds, the weekly meeting where everyone goes over case histories. You knew intuitively that you were about to walk through a wall of fear that historically women who have told the truth about their lives have had to walk through.

Entering the hospital that day — the same hospital where you had spent so many years placating your critics and keeping a low profile — was your ‘coming out’. You would no longer hide your truth the way you once did in the 1980s when your picture was on the cover of East West Journal and you bought every copy at the food coop so your colleagues would not see it. This time around you fearlessly went into the hospital ready to be pounced on. 

Instead, you found that most of your colleagues didn’t even care. They hadn’t seen the book, except one colleague who gave you a hug and told you that he never would have had the courage to do what you did.

While you felt profound relief, you still weren’t winning any popularity contests.

Would it have helped you back then to have known that most of your critics would be retired or dead now and that you would still be going strong? Would it have helped you to know how many younger doctors and nurses and naturopaths and acupuncturists you would someday influence and help? I’ll bet it would. But life can only be lived proactively and understood retrospectively.     

You were a wayshower. You still are. You have helped women through every stage of their lives and taught them to trust the wisdom inherent in their hearts and bodies — wisdom they don’t need a doctor to validate. Not only have you shown the way, you first explored which direction to go and then drew the map for others to follow. You climbed an unmarked peak in the dark and established a path.

But, because of you, other women have been able to install the landscape lighting, and a few benches to rest upon. 

As a result of all you’ve done, you have received so many astounding opportunities to get your empowering message out to the masses including PBS specials, the appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, NBC Nightly News, The View, Dr. Oz, The Today Show, and Good Morning America.  

So, my dear girl, I salute you. I wish I could reach back and give you a huge hug. Thank you with all my heart for everything that you have stood for, endured, and celebrated so that many others could do the same. We are all in this together. What you’ve done has changed the world.  

With enormous love, 
Christiane (2020) 

You may also enjoy watching Interview: Dr. Christiane Northrup & Kate Northrup | The New Conversation with Kristen Noel.

The post A Letter To My Younger Self: I Couldn’t Have Gotten Here Without You appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

How the dance between the ego and higher consciousness is the divine space of transformation and soul evolution

—

In my new book, The Universe Always Has a Plan, I outline the 10 Golden Rules of ‘letting go’. As you learn to surrender a need for controlling outcomes in exchange for a deeper alignment with the Universe and its highest plan for your life — you are able to embrace the dream-come-true reality of emotional freedom and reap the rewards of your soul’s highest living potential. 

One of the keys to letting go is redefining the Law of Attraction as a means of cooperating with the joy of your highest destiny, instead of trying to coerce the hands of fate in one way or another.

The Law of Attraction is a collaboration, not a form of control. 

It is a co-creative dance merging the power of your will with alignments to various timelines of potential that allow the advancement of consciousness, or transformation, to occur. There are many people who have attempted to employ the Law of Attraction, as it has been historically taught, with a mixed bag of results.

The sticking point in the Law of Attraction is nearly identical to the sticking point in the journey of healing.

As someone who has been working in close collaboration with the Universe as a healer for the past 15 years, I have come to see the complexities that exist between someone’s desire to heal and the journey of healing meant to unfold.

Imagine a child who has aspirations of growing up and becoming a chef. They spent time visualizing their future as a chef with myriad awards and restaurants, so much so that they now feel ready to walk into a professional kitchen and create the dishes they’ve dreamed of. Imagine if that child walked into a professional kitchen, having to dodge the traffic of a busy cooking line and, to their frustration, what they imagined would happen when they entered the kitchen has not come to be. It would be easy for this child to conclude that their imagination creates false realities and to give up dreaming entirely. 

And yet, there’s a voice inside this child that says: “You have made it to the right environment where you are meant to be, but it will take years to help you cultivate the personal maturity, as well as the skills needed, to work in and run a professional kitchen.”

From this moment of insight, the child realizes their desire is what put them on their destined path, that will require much training and preparation in order for their dreams to be actually fulfilled. This is much the same with implementing the Law of Attraction, or even the endeavor of healing. 

Your desire for wellness, or helping others — or your desire for any ‘greater’ circumstance, places you on a path where an intricate journey of transformation unfolds.

Such a journey involves the Universe helping all of us unravel our core ego structure of unconsciousness, which creates space for the soul to awaken and raise our vibration to a frequency where we can simultaneously exit one timeline while entering another.

Throughout your spiritual journey, the most mature question you can ask yourself is…

“How much of me will need to change in order to access the goals in mind?”

Such a question helps you realize that a co-creative partnership with the Universe will be: one part your doing or effort, and another part the Universe ‘undoing the outdated you’ that is ready to fulfill its mission by returning to Source. When focused too much on reaching the endpoint of your goal, instead of embracing the journey of transformation itself, you identify with the very ego structure that the Universe trying to unravel, which creates symptoms such as despair, loneliness, apathy, confusion, boredom, anger, resentment, fear, addictive tendencies, exhaustion and un-groundedness.

Just as a child dreaming of being a chef must go to culinary school to learn and work their way up the rankings in a professional kitchen, each and every spiritual being that yearns to attract greater circumstances or heal themselves (or others) must understand the education process the Universe provides when such a desire to transform arises.

You aren’t going to attract your envisioned reality simply because you desired it.

You will step into a higher dimension of potential because you will have outgrown your old reality by allowing the Universe to help you think, feel, and respond differently to the perceptions in view.

There is a Law of Attraction, but it isn’t a spiritual form of Amazon Prime. Instead, it is a rather clever play on words, suggesting: “You are attracted to greater circumstances, not because those circumstances will make you any happier, but because your true happiness is evolving into a higher version of yourself where those new shiny objects are merely symbols for the joy and fulfillment you will feel as a newly-transformed you.”

Will you get what you want? Will it be in this lifetime, or are you merely planting seeds for future incarnations? Only time will tell. It’s a tricky question for two simultaneous reasons: 

Your higher self wants you to be at a higher level of consciousness, while your ego yearns for you to stay at its current level of conditioning, just with ‘better’ bells and whistles to be engaged by.

Because the unconsciousness of ego contains the largest amount of emotional density carried in your energy field, the Universe, en route to helping you transform, must do everything in its power to unravel your ego to create space for a higher consciousness to emerge. 

As your ego is unraveled, if viewing from that vantage point of conditioning, your experience will seem like: The Universe is ignoring me, I am alone, nothing seems to change, everyone is against me or never giving the way I do, life is unfair — or how come other people have the opportunities that I deserve?

Such examples highlight the pattern of victimhood being unraveled in your ego, which is always sent from the Universe as a gift to receive and never a punishment of any kind. This is a very deep and meaningful process — and it’s no one’s fault.

Transformation is a vision quest, not a list of demands to fulfill.

All too often the Universe will help you outgrow the need for the things you desire from your conditioning, to make room for the worthiness to have what you purely desire, while equally recognizing it’s not about the things you desired, but rather the level of consciousness required to have those things.

I say all this as someone who is quite skilled at activating the Law of Attraction. On many occasions, I am able to manifest things instantly. In other instances it takes hours, days, or months, depending upon the current trajectory of my expanding consciousness. When someone comes to an event, retreat, or participates in programs like Angel Academy and Total Integration, I am working directly with the Akashic Records to determine how much can be transformed when in my presence and what I need to do to activate this healing. I will ask, “Can I move them into a new timeline?” 

If yes, whatever needs to be done will instantly occur to facilitate such change. Often times I hear, “They need a greater percentage of their ego integrated in preparation for such an advancement.” So I ask, “What percentage of ego can I help release in accordance with their Akashic Record?” Once I receive the answer, the very experience one has is exactly the medicine needed to move them forward in evolution.

When a person (or group) is ready for such a transformation, there are limitless tools and mens which a truly aligned healer can implement.

The Universe will help me search for access points into parallel dimensions where healing has already occurred. The Universe will grant me the power to shapeshift subtle energy bodies into radical states of wellness. The Universe will grant me the permission and capacity to rewire the subconscious and clear out cellular debris to inspire the remission of illness, the discovery of emotional freedom, transcendent bliss, and even moments of heavenly revelation. Not because I decided so, but because the Universe let me know what that person (or group) was ready to receive.

On a personal level, I want to radically shift each person’s circumstances in the blink of an eye. And yet, there is a system and protocol that I must follow and it’s the exact same framework being taught to you as your journey advances.

We’re all working with divine timing, not our personal will’s timing — for ourselves, and those we’re wanting to help/support.

Since the primary focus of the Universe is the integration of ego, the ego often lets go in moments of defeat, disappointment, or disillusionment. If you are identifying with ego, you will be experiencing such a crucial moment of defeat to clear out more conditioning, while erroneously believing it’s another sign that you aren’t worthy of the change you envision.

As you align with the healers and wayshowers who also act as loving companions throughout your journey, as well as educators of a new spiritual paradigm, you will come to see life is not about what you have or don’t have — financially, physically, emotionally or even spiritually. It’s a matter of embracing your current circumstances as the most fertile soil through which your awakened consciousness can blossom.

While the ego asks, “How can I make this different?” — the soul inquires, “How is this a perfect set-up to help me mature, grow, and expand?”

Having the power to instanty change things to be the way you want them would surely snuff out the greater gift of learning throughout life’s complex journey. At a certain point in your evolution, you will realize that everything takes time on this planet because that’s what you incarnated to experience.

Each of us came to Earth to manifest at a much slower speed than in Heaven, so we can get up close and personal with the inner workings of the Universe and get to know the journey of our growth at each vibrational level from start to finish.

With greater love for yourself and others, you can slow the pace of your ambitions to explore each facet of your reality from a more mature standpoint.

Just as a child envisioning being a chef might dream of running their first restaurant as a refuge from the slow agonizing pace of learning in culinary school — the wisdom of life reminds the child, “If you think culinary school is challenging, you have no idea what awaits you in a professional kitchen. Only by thriving in school may you succeed in the areas such schooling prepared you for.”

There is a reason you have what you have. There is a reason you don’t have what you don’t. 

It’s not a punishment or a sign that you are out of alignment. It is merely another stage of cosmic preparation, where the Universe is more interested in helping you embody your spiritual mastery than stalling your evolution with the brand new ‘objects’ your ego attached to.

You may also enjoy reading 11:11: Revealing the Meaning and Messages of Angel Numbers by Kyle Gray

The post Transformation & Collaboration: Redefining The Law of Attraction appeared first on BEST SELF.

Question Bridge White Women, a social experiment, seeks to bridge the gap between the diversity of thought in one demographic, white women — and to initiate honest civil discourse

—

A question is a powerful thing, a mighty use of words.

~ Krista Tippett

In an age of competing certainties, where we are both more interconnected than ever but also more polarized — how do we build bridges of understanding across the great divides of race, politics, class, and religion?

If you ask Taylor Swift, she’ll counsel us all to just, “Calm Down,” which isn’t bad advice (it’s also a great song and video). But there’s a more active and engaged response, and it’s embedded in the very structure of an ongoing multi-year transmedia project I’m a part of called, Question Bridge: White Women in America.

White women are not often asked how their skin color frees or confines them.

What does it mean to be a white woman in America today? What gives us hope? What keeps us up at night? How do we feel about the state of our bodies, our lives, our families, our communities, our nation, and the planet?

The project aims to help shape a civil national conversation, one that respectfully shows great diversity of thought within a single demographic while also highlighting the points of surprising convergence. 

And we chose white women, in particular, because we want to explore the forces that resulted in a voting pattern that split this group almost cleanly in half in the 2016 Presidential election — a great divide that mirrors the ideological rift in the nation as a whole.

The Question Bridge format is simple and straight forward: Once a white female signs up to participate, we invite her to sit in front of our camera, imagine a white woman different from herself in some way, and then ask any questions she wants to. She is then invited to answer pre-filmed questions from previous participants.

To date, more than 70 ideologically diverse white women from 7 different American cities have asked all types of questions — environmental, political, personal, religious, and more. Life and death, caregiving and childrearing, President Trump, climate change, abortion, immigration, faith, body image… nothing is off limits.

Our team of four white women, two journalists and two filmmakers — does not intervene. We never tell the women what to ask or how to answer (other than, at times, to encourage concision). We are there to facilitate a safe and inherently intimate dialogue in a judgment-free environment. Most importantly, we are there to listen.

It appears to be a revolutionary concept to not only ask people what they think, but to give them the opportunity to ask questions of others.

We begin by encouraging them to ask meaningful questions. We give them the platform, the space, and the respectful quiet that allows them to grow comfortable with the camera and the process. As they speak we glean a sense of their aspirations, obsessions, and political bent. Then we choose the appropriate recorded questions for them to answer in turn. Every single time, a little bit of magic happens.  Having begun with their own questions, they are uniquely open and thoughtful when they answer the questions of others.

During a filming in Phoenix, Arizona, a mid-aged Republican woman asked a provocative question that has been fun to take on the road: “In our political discourse we talk a lot about diversity. Do you think diversity of opinion is as important as diversity of race, gender, sexual orientation, or some of the more standard diversity markers we see? Why or why not?”

Her question touches a bruise without aiming to hurt. More, it invites exploration and conversation rather than defensiveness. It aspires to the kind of generous inquiry championed by Krista Tippett, journalist and host of the public radio program and podcast, On Being. In her book, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living, Tippett writes:

“We want others to acknowledge that our answers are right. We call the debate or get on the same page or take a vote and move on. The alternative involves a different orientation to the point of conversing in the first place: to invite searching — not on who is right and who is wrong and the arguments on every side; not on whether we can agree; but on what is at stake in human terms for us all…

“There is value in learning to speak together honestly and relate to each other with dignity, without rushing to common ground that would leave all the hard questions hanging.”

Hard questions are welcomed on Question Bridge. Women have asked: “What does white privilege mean to you?” “Why do you hate me? Is it because I’m a Republican or because you think I voted for Trump?” And, “Why don’t you worry about climate change when it will likely have devastating effects on your children?”

Yet, because the temperature of our current political climate has been lowered here — and because the women are not physically confronting each other — defensive or angry responses to these and other questions have been the exception. Almost all the answers are revelatory and heart felt.

“White Women in America” is the third in the Question Bridge series. The original concept and product, “Question Bridge: Black Community,” was created by conceptual artist and photography professor Chris Johnson, who is the Executive Producer for Question Bridge: White Women. Chris, an African American male, found early on that by limiting the project scope to a specific demographic, participants were less defensive and more vulnerable and willing to state their views.  

This was a genius discovery, and it’s propelled the goodwill and intimacy that accompanies each encounter on the current Question Bridge. Join us. Questionbridgewhitewomen.com

You may also enjoy watching Interview: Congressman Tim Ryan | America 2.0 with Kristen Noel

The post Building Bridges of Understanding One Question (and Answer) at a Time appeared first on BEST SELF.

How to navigate our lives by uniquely combining astrology and psychology — and use our planets wisely. Plus a collective chart for early 2020

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The Sun moves into Capricorn on December 21st, then moves into Aquarius on January 21st. Whether Capricorn and Aquarius have prominent positions in your birth chart or not, you can allow the energies of these signs to support and inform you during this darkest, coldest time of year. 

For me, it’s always a challenging time because it is the holiday season and my birthday season. As an Aquarius Sun sign, I revel in my friendships and have many groups in which I am involved. However, come holiday party time I am quite reluctant to have a full calendar. My Taurus Moon sign prefers one-on-one time and I no longer have the capacity to get altered or party for any length of time. My digestive sensitivities over time have won out and now I need to be quite careful with what I eat and what I imbibe.

I become the one leaving early and taking fewer invitations. My closest friends understand me, but sometimes I just feel like an epic wet blanket. The good news is the seasons of Capricorn and Aquarius are great times to finish important work and I use these two months to review the projects of the year and wrap things up. With the cooler weather it is also an invitation to go inward and dig deep into what we have accomplished in the last year, and to take some serious time to express gratitude for those who have helped us along the way.  

As a psychological astrologer, my business booms during this season and I notice that many clients get very anxious at this time of the year because they feel so much pressure to have grand holiday celebrations and bulletproof resolves for the coming year. Many people actually get depressed because their outsized expectations cannot match the real and gritty experiences of family gatherings, and their strict promises around dieting, exercising, and emotional self management cannot be kept.

In Capricorn season, we are reminded to walk our talk and to be diligent in keeping our word. Capricorn calls us to work hard to improve ourselves and the systems we are a part of. 

Its initiatory force can help us move out of a slump and into discipline and accountability. Yet we all need to engage this sense of responsibility with some tenderness and compassion. The worst thing we can do is set harsh goals and fail, and then punish ourselves. Make sane and slow promises to yourself and others and keep them.

It’s also a great time to plan, sort, and organize — to do what’s necessary to prepare for the end of one year and the beginning of another. We can let Capricorn inspire us to get real about the structures we’re part of — our families, maybe, or our workplaces — and to begin to do the hard work of fixing or replacing those that aren’t working well. 

This can be a time of realizing the fruits of our labors, too. If you’ve been striving to achieve a goal or to improve something in your inner world, this might be a time where you recognize yourself and are recognized by others for the work you’ve put in. 

If you notice yourself or others being more bossy or judgmental than usual, that might be some of the less skillful energy of Capricorn at work. More concerned than customary about how others see you? Judgmental? Insecure? Might also be Capricorn’s influence. Forgive yourself and others and remember: one way out is to keep climbing! Work harder and keep trying to improve. That’s the Capricorn way. 

Capricorn is ruled by the planet Saturn, which represents discipline, time, restriction, and karma. 

It reminds us that our lives are our own responsibility, and that when we choose to be accountable and responsible, we heal and enrich not only our own lives, but of those who came before us and will come after us.

Two other planets, Saturn and Pluto, are also in Capricorn this month. Saturn in Capricorn offers tremendous potential for restructuring at every level that which does not serve the common good, while Pluto brings deep transformational force to the current planetary dynamic. In our lifetimes, there has been no better moment for speaking truth to power; for refusing to tolerate a massively harmful status quo; and for the skillful creation of a new and honest order. 

Pluto and Saturn will stay in Capricorn as the Sun moves into Aquarius on January 21st, pouring their transformative power toward the Aquarian vision of collectivity and connection. The frameworks built so solidly during Capricorn season will be ready to fill with inspired community. It will be an ideal time to gather with others to hold and expand the vision of the world in which you all want to live. 

In Aquarius season, you might find yourself preoccupied with visions and decisions, and this can make you feel detached from others. Your brilliant ideas of how things should be — brilliant as they are — may lead you to feel superior to others when others don’t agree with you, or just don’t seem to get it. Take your irritation as a cue to pause, breathe, and hold your fellow humans in empathy and compassion as you work together (remember, Pluto and Saturn in Capricorn will keep inspiring a spirit of work) to build a better world. 

The highest expression of the next two months is a combination of modest and steady accountability for your words and deeds. 

The commitment to your dearest friends and family, which emphasizes the greatest good, and also the particularly quirky gifts of each person you love, including yourself.

You may also enjoy reading Mercury Rising | Understanding Mercury Retrograde by Leslie McGuirk

The post Karma and Reinvention: The Seasons of Capricorn and Aquarius (Dec 21-Feb 21) appeared first on BEST SELF.

How ‘rewilding’ not only calms the nervous system, it reestablishes our bond with the living earth and our true selves

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I have a favorite patch of forest near Lake Mahkeenac in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where I like to guide my groups. The trail winds through a forest of mixed hardwoods and evergreens, passing several massive eastern white pine trees.

I once walked in these woods on a bitter cold November Sunday with my son, Stryder, when he was four, and my good friend and mentor Moose, the groundskeeper and land steward at Kripalu. On that particular morning, Stryder sat down at the base of a massive tree, closed his eyes, and interlaced his little fingers in a prayer mudra. He sat there, and from what I could tell, prayed or meditated for a full five minutes. I observed him in wonder as my heart filled up to the brim and spilled over with love and gratitude for such a perfect moment.

When Moose let me know that the big tree where my son sat in prayer had recently broken off, about ten feet up, and fallen to the ground, I couldn’t help but feel sadness at the demise of the great tree, also a reminder of my son’s childhood passing by so quickly. I felt my heart opening big, vulnerable to the sweetness of life’s temporary treasures.

Life’s impermanence is on display so fully in the winter woods. Our species evolved, after all, in deep connection with trees. Impermanence is all around us, and though we may try to build walls of security, nature eventually washes them away or blows them down.

It is in surrendering and opening to this essential impermanence of nature that we can begin to live in harmony with our world, taking each moment as a gift and giving thanks for the moments we have, as precious and miraculous as they are.

This time of year can be stressful and hectic, and yet, right in the midst of this busy season comes the winter solstice — marking the shortest day and longest night of the year. It’s an ideal time to gift yourself with an embodied experience of the peace and stillness that can be found in nature during this season — even if you can’t get to the forest.

Rewilding is a return to our essential nature. It is an attempt to reclaim something of what we were before we used words like ‘civilized’ to define ourselves.

~ Micah Mortali

Here are a few ways to do that.

Do a candle or Christmas tree tratak meditation

Tratak means ‘to look or gaze’, and tratak meditation can be practiced on any object. A candle is one of the most traditional objects for tratak — or you can use the lights of your Christmas tree. Wrap yourself up in a blanket or cloak, turn out all the other lights in the room, and settle onto your cushion, letting your gaze rest on the tree or candle flame. When we gaze at flames or soft lights, our beta brainwave/monkey-mind activity shifts into alpha and theta, allowing the mind to become more relaxed, open, and receptive.

Connect with the evergreens

Spending time with the evergreen trees connects us with nature and reminds us of the life force within all beings that flourishes quietly even in the coldest months. Take a walk through the forest and appreciate the trees with all five senses. You could even make a white pine needle tea to sip on the solstice: Gather some white pine needles, drop in a boiling pot of water, and let steep for 1–3 minutes. The tea will smell and taste of the subtle scent and flavor of pine. If you’d like, add a little maple syrup. Allow yourself the time to smell, sip, and savor the experience of this communion with a tree.

Bring your attention to the transformation of water

There’s a profound, magical beauty to the way in which water transforms into ice and snow — an opportunity for us to tune in to the everyday alchemy of nature. Take a walk on or around the solstice with water, in all its forms, as the focus of your awareness.

Practice yoga nidra or restorative yoga

Align with this restful, quiet time of year by doing a slow, inward-focused practice. End your day with a peaceful yoga nidra or a restorative pose, such as supported Child pose: Spread the knees wide, place a bolster or two pillows under your chest and head, and turn your face to one side. Relax into the support, taking long, deep breaths.

Find a ‘sit spot’

The solstice is a great time to start a sit-spot practice; a foundational practice of the Kripalu School of Mindful Outdoor Leadership. Find a place in your yard or a nearby park that you can return to on a regular basis, observing the land and the behavior of the flora and fauna as time passes and the days gradually grow longer. Even five or 10 minutes spent in your spot daily, or every few days, will result in a growing bond with the landscape and a deeper awareness of the subtle seasonal changes.

Burn a yule log outside

According to pagan mythology, the battle between the Oak King and the Holly King comes to its peak on the Winter Solstice, when the Holly King, king of the waning year, is overcome by the Oak King, king of the waxing year, who then reigns supreme until midsummer. The two brothers are in an eternal struggle for the love of the Goddess (Earth), who reigns all year long. The burning of the Yule log marks this cycle of death and rebirth, and reminds us that the spring will come again, and the cycle will continue. May your solstice and New Year be a time of healing, rest, and reflection.

You may also enjoy reading Forest Bathing: How Immersing in Nature Can Help You Reconnect, by Tess Dinapoli

The post Rewilding: Revealing Winter’s Gifts of Impermanence and Connection appeared first on BEST SELF.

A renegade health journalist breaks from holiday convention to nurture a creative calling — a permission slip to do things differently

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For the past five years, I’ve been hard at work writing and illustrating a book about what I call ‘Healthy Deviance’ — the art of being a healthy person in an unhealthy world. I’ve been so busy researching, drawing, and writing about this norm-defying art, in fact, that for a while there, I became something of a hermit. I copped out of countless social obligations and events. I essentially let a few holiday seasons pass me right by. And you know what? That worked out kind of great!

For several years running, I didn’t get a holiday tree or decorate the house. I didn’t go to parties. I didn’t send out cards. I didn’t go gift shopping. I sure as heck did not bake. I did not give a thought to holiday makeup or festive fashion, or to ‘right-now resolution-setting strategies’, or to ‘New Year, New You!’ workouts. I didn’t konmari my house. I just hunkered down and did my thing, and hoped people would understand.

Please know, I wasn’t abstaining from all this holiday merriment out of any inherent Grinch-iness. I just knew that if I wanted to get the book done, I needed to make discerning (and in some cases difficult) choices about which holiday traditions I would embrace, and which I would forego.

Having a hot buttered rum with my mom while listening to chamber music in her kitchen? Yes. Lighting Christmas Eve luminarias and singing carols with extended family around the apple tree where my father’s and grandmother’s ashes are buried? Yes. Cocktail parties, work functions, media appearances, mall runs, and cinnamon-scented beauty treatments? No. Thank you, really, but no.

It’s not that some of those opportunities I declined wouldn’t have been fun. At the time, I just found that being home and finishing my book seemed, well, funner.

Daring to Do the Season Differently

It is both a lovely and terrible thing that the holidays are steeped in so much tradition. Because from traditions, we harvest rich meaning, memories, and a heartwarming sense of continuity. But traditions can also come bundled with all sorts of painful and annoying constraints, including social expectations, financial burdens, and cultural pressures to conform.

Fulfilling other people’s ideals for holiday gift-giving observances, family celebrations, religious ceremonies, sugar-stuffed buffets, and liquor-drenched bashes can compel us to abandon our own priorities — or leave us feeling like we never had a chance to consider what we wanted from our holidays in the first place.

Here’s what I’ve discovered during my own recent holiday-disrupting experience: It takes courage and energy to depart from the status quo, particularly if you feel the need to explain your thoughts and feelings to others, or to have them support your decisions. But there is a kind, honest, loving way to announce that you are doing the holidays a little (or a lot) differently this year, if you choose. And the people who really love and care about you — with the possible exception of your closest relatives — will always want you to act on your highest choices. Right? Um, right.

In Oddness We Trust

Let us keep in mind that the term ‘holiday’ quite literally means ‘holy day’ — a day that is separated from other days by a sacred quality or meaning. You make things sacred by separating them from the ordinary, the typical, the status-quo.

You can do that however you like. Spend time playing and partying with people you love, or retreat into the rare, quiet bliss of your own solitary company. Intentionally immerse yourself in fun and frivolity, or invest yourself in exceptional quiet and contemplation. Behold the magical wonder that is holiday retail, or decide you’re going to have nothing to do with that consumerist insanity.

If you give yourself one gift this year, make it the repeated affirmation of this simple truth: Your holidays, like the rest of your life, are up to you.

Make some part of your holiday weird, different, exceptional by choice, imbue it with the power of your own focused choosing, and in the process, you can make it sacred.

Try this: Complete the sentence, “This year, I’ve decided to celebrate the holidays by …” Say the words aloud, and repeat the sentence until you come up with something that sounds true and right to you. Notice how that feels. Notice what comes up. Sit with that for a little while. Then decide what, if anything, you’ll do next.

Prepare for Resistance

When you decide to do your holidays differently than others, or just differently than you’ve always done them, you can count on somebody putting up some kind of fight. In many cases, that somebody might be you. Or some part of you, anyway.

It might be the part that fears missing out, that hates disappointing anyone, that dreads the guilt, gossip, judgment, nagging, or full-blown retribution you just know will come from refusing to go along with the ‘normal’ holiday program. It might be the part of you that doubts your own decisions, or that doesn’t exactly know what you want and figures it might be easier to just comply with what others already have planned.

Nobody can make you do what you don’t want to do (at least not in the context of holiday observances), but the amount of pressure that you might feel to accommodate others, and the amount of bone-rattling turbulence you might encounter in steering your way out of well-established ruts could be substantial.

Just know that things might get a little weird, and that some people might get a little peevish, as you experiment with new ways forward.

Unexpected responses may follow as you articulate decisions it never occurred to anyone (including you) that you might make.

What?! You’re skipping the cookie party? You’re not participating in the all-company gift exchange? You’re not coming to the evening church service, showing up at the family cabin, or singing in the traditional singalong this year? You’re not doing the customary New Year’s Bloody Mary brunch or silent wheat-grass detox or even that wonderful charity event you’ve done every year since 1986?

Okay. That’s fine. Even if somebody throws a fit, or you stay home feeling anxious and sorry for yourself. It’s fine, really. Give and share what you feel inspired to give and share, in the moment, with a free and open heart. Allow others to have their fun, and take responsibility for creating the fun (or beauty, or meaning, or space, or whatever good you are craving) that is fun for you.

It’s also fine, by the way, if you experiment with abandoning an old tradition and find that it sucks. That’s great! It turns out you LOVE that cookie party, and missing it was a total disaster that ruined your whole holiday season? Terrific. Now you know. That cookie party is going back on your list, dammit. Or you are going to create a new cookie party you like even better.

This is all good fodder for the holiday experiences you choose to have next. And the ones after that.

Try this: Envision a holiday experience you are craving, traditional or not. Write it down in as much detail as you can, describing when and where it will occur, and including all the sensual details you can regarding how you want this experience to be. How will it look, smell, sound, and taste? What will you personally be doing or enjoying as it unfolds? What attitude or feeling will you be radiating? If you have a supportive friend or partner you’d like to share this lush description with, do that. Then consider how you can make this aspect of your holiday happen. Take steps to cordon off some time and resources to honor this desire, even if you can’t make it happen at 100 percent. See how it feels to imagine creating and embodying the experience you choose.

Beware of Monsters and Machines

As the holidays approach, you will encounter two forces with almost unimaginable power: the multi-headed monster of the media, and the always-grinding gears of the retail-industry machine.

Both would very much like you to buy something, everything, anything, all at once, right now, for as much as they can possibly get you to pay. They would like you to hand over your time, your money, your credit, your attention, your appetites, your synaptic responses, and your cell tissue.

Both would like you to believe that they (and they alone) hold the keys to your holidays being wonderful and joyous, to your home being festive, to your body and your life being as good as they can possibly (read: should) be.

In many cases, these monsters and machines really will have something of value to offer. They will dangle a great many shiny objects and ideas that look good, taste good, feel good, that promise to make your life easier, and to make you look like an even greater success than you already are. But in a great many more cases, these beasts will take more than they give. They will extract more than you agreed to exchange. They will leave you feeling at a loss, confused, bereft of the things you most wanted, which was…what, again?

Oh, yes. To feel present, free, and at peace in your life. To feel connected with the people you love. To feel inspired by a sense of purpose. To feel radiant, resilient, and at ease in your own skin.

Yeah, sorry, there is no app for that. There is no program, no product, no listicle, no 10-step ‘New Year, New You!’ plan that can deliver these things, even though some of them may nudge bits and pieces into closer view. Or seem to.

The only way to have these things, really, is to claim them for yourself. And often, the only way to claim them is to shut off the noise, the promises, the come-ons and money-back guarantees that are forever being hurtled at you from screens, speakers, and display ads.

The only way to really possess and enjoy what you most desire (during the holidays and during your life) is to reclaim the awareness that you, and only you, can cultivate within your own body-mind, moment to moment. It’s that all-too-easy-to-lose awareness about what already feels good, about what already makes your eyes light up and your heart go Mmmm.

Basking in Enough

Here’s the Healthy Deviant truth I learned while writing my book, and that I now tell myself almost daily: You don’t need more things, or more knowledge, to be happy.

You need more space to feel the power of your own life force, and to decide for yourself where you will put it.

Try this: Look up from this article for a moment. Look around. Find something of beauty or pleasure or magic in your midst. Maybe it’s the quality of light out the window. Maybe it’s the feeling of your dog’s muzzle against your foot. Maybe it’s the bass line of the music you have on. Maybe it’s the smell of coffee. Maybe it’s the feeling of that big, deep breath you keep meaning to take in, and then let out, but too often don’t. Put your attention on what’s there and available to be enjoyed. Ask yourself: If I put this much attention on all the good I currently have in my life, would I really need to have more, be more, or know more, to be in a pretty sweet place?

There’s no right answer to that question. There’s just noticing the good in your midst. There’s just the value of embracing what is there and always available when you pull yourself free of the monsters and machines long enough to settle into the space of your own attention.

This is where we will find the real prize and gift we are all after in this lifetime. Not in the tinsel and the trappings and new-and-improved wonder products. Not in the warmed-over, amazing two-for-one offers and ‘BEST BODY EVER!’ promises. But in the moments and choices that allow us to show up with our own lights on and our true shine intact.

My book is done now (yes, it is a thing you can buy!), but I’m still not sending out holiday cards this year. So I’ll put my holiday wishes right here instead: This season, may we all take pleasure in the decisions that help us find and reflect the real source of sparkle at the center of our daily lives, where true joy is generated all year long.

Want More Healthy Deviant Wisdom?

Get a free sneak peek at the introduction to Pilar’s book, The Healthy Deviant, at www.healthydeviant.com. While you are there, check out some of her programs.

Are You a Healthy Deviant? Take the three-minute “Are You a Healthy Deviant?” quiz and find out where you fall on the Healthy Deviant spectrum.

Suggested Listening from The Living Experiment Podcast

• Holidays
• New Year
• Healthy Deviance 2
• Creativity vs. Consumption
• Satisfaction vs. Success

GO TO THE PODCAST

You may also enjoy reading The Making of a Health Deviant: Choosing a Healthy Life in an Unhealthy World, by Pilar Gerasimo

The post Daring To Disrupt: The Healthy Deviant’s Holiday Survival Guide appeared first on BEST SELF.

A visionary entrepreneur reveals his secret life weapon: journaling

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The visionary entrepreneurs, creators, and impact-makers I work with all connect around the idea that there are a tremendous amount of things any one of us can do. But just because we can do something, doesn’t necessarily mean we should. Does that sound familiar?

What is calling you — and is truly yours to do? Better yet, how do you unearth it?

The year 2020 is going to be a touchstone moment.

Perhaps you are already beginning to feel the pull of how this year will truly be different than the one you are leaving behind.

Perfect vision is 20/20, and achieving that clarity is possible through my favorite tool: journaling.

To some, a journal might seem like an assortment of blank pages bound together in a pretty book. But that blank canvas also holds the keys to something very special for all aspects of your life. And hold on, before you start with the excuses…it only needs to take you about 10–15 minutes per day to see results, impactful results.

In fact, peer-reviewed scientific evidence has shown that journaling actually improves your wellbeing and happiness. However, getting into the practice of journaling is not always easy.

Maybe you’ve tried journaling and stopped, or perhaps you’ve never done it because it seems so difficult and time consuming.

Trust me — it works. I’ve been doing it for years and believe it’s one of my secret weapons.

And that’s a big statement.

When I introduce the concept of journaling, the same objections and excuses always come up:

• What if somebody reads my journal?
• Can I really be fully honest in here?
• What do I write about?

First, you have to get out of your own head because your journal is just for you. If you are concerned about somebody else seeing it, get a small lockbox or even hide your journal.

Your journal is a place for getting deeper insights into what truly matters for you. One of the best ways is to ensure you make it a ‘practice’. Just one journal entry won’t cut it. You have to decide to make it a habit, but don’t make it too overwhelming — don’t set yourself up to fail. 

Journaling takes all those thoughts rolling around in our head — the ones that keep surfacing, being ignored and pushed back down, and resurfacing again, everything all jumbled together — and brings sense to them. Writing it down creates a beginning, middle, and end, an ability to see the whole picture — to see it all differently. It is your space to see the big picture, to work through and reassemble your thoughts, fears, beliefs and big ideas.

Think of it as an experiment. Experiments work because there’s a beginning and end. It’s simply something you are giving a go and trying on. Does this fit? Does this feel good? You can then decide if you want to add it to your life. Make it a large enough number of days to feel if it’s making a difference. Just give it some space to breathe and time to activate within you.

What should you write about?

The only thing you’ll need to do is get your pen moving. Typically, the topic I start writing about won’t be the same thing I end my page with.

2020 Journaling

Your journal is a sacred place to dig deeper into what your true intention is for 2020 and beyond.

To start, I’d recommend going out into nature someplace away from your office or home and into a setting that inspires you. Then open up your journal and simply take an entire full page to detail absolutely everything that is going well right now in your life or business. This will put you in a positive mood to begin envisioning your future.

Your next assignment is to take a compelling question and keep going deeper.

I will write my question on the top of a page on my journal and then continue writing more and more answers. Most times the first answers you get will be somewhat basic and won’t have much insight. Keep pushing yourself to come up with more distinctions and to go deeper. Don’t censor yourself either — just write. No one is grading you and it’s just for you.

Here are a couple questions to get you going for your 2020 Vision:

• What is my real work to be done here?
• What brings me the greatest joy, and how can I add more of that to my life?
• How can I more easily ask for exactly what my highest desire is right now?
• What does “effortless effort” look like in this situation?
• What would I do even if I knew it would fail?
• If I could see higher and further, what would I see for 2020?
• What is my greatest vision for 2020 and beyond?

As you are writing, you need to shut off the inner critic that sits on your shoulder, whispering negative feedback into your ear: Oh, that’s stupid. Who are you to get that? Why would that work?, etc.

You cannot creatively pour out your true heart’s desire and also edit yourself at the same time.

Just give yourself a break.

Now, once you have written out your answers, you’ll want to go even further with a technique I learned from my friend, innovation expert Bill Donius. You will be using your non-dominant hand to connect to even greater creativity, intuition, wholeness, dreams, and problem solving. Shake out your hands, and start writing again with your other hand. So, yep, that means if you are righthanded, you’ll use your left hand.

Don’t worry if you think writing with your other hand will be completely illegible — try it because I guarantee you there will be deeper, more insightful answers emerging. Every time I use this process, I’m astounded by the results.

I’ve been able to tap into answers that I never would have imagined and to have the confidence that I’m getting guidance from a more elevated self (some may say my ‘Best Self’[y1] , wink). It sounds a little weird — but it totally works.

The more you use your journal, the more it will become your personal tool for exploration and lighting your way for what’s next. This is a profound gift for unleashing your unlimited potential. My latest creation, The Cosmic Journal is designed to make you re-remember what is truly yours to do here. And sure, there’s no time like the threshold of a new year to start a journal…but the truth is, it doesn’t matter if it’s on the 1^st of January or the middle of June…just start. Simply write and witness what emerges. Journaling is your journey home.

The Cosmic Journal is a unique combination of a powerful oracle, wise sage, and friendly guide rolled into one. You can read it cover to cover or flip to a page at ‘random’ to see the perfect message awaiting you from the Universe, along with a writing prompt to nudge you to uncover your own answers. Learn more at CosmicJournal.com

You may also enjoy reading Practice You: Coming Home to Your Inner Self Through Journaling, by Elena Brower

The post 20/20: Achieving A Clear Life Vision Through Journaling appeared first on BEST SELF.

How life set on overdrive and a health crisis brought one UBER achiever to her knees — and how list-making revealed a new way to do it all

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We’ve become a society obsessed with being busy and doing more. It’s like a badge of honor to be spread too thin. The truth is that kind of thinking feeds the ego and leads to burnout.

I know because it happened to me.

A year after my first book, Listful Thinking: Using Lists to Be More Productive, Highly Successful and Less Stressed, was published my appendix burst.

That’s a very dramatic and dangerous way for your body to tell you to slow down and reprioritize.

I was too busy to listen to the signs my body was sending me.

I didn’t have time to go to the emergency room and so instead I waited too long. Two days too long.

When I finally got to the ER my appendix had ruptured and I needed emergency surgery, followed by another procedure to pull toxins out of my body. In total, I spent eight days in the hospital, six weeks out of work and more than a year recovering.

Launching a book is like having a business and I was saying yes to every networking event, every media inquiry and every speaking engagement. Plus, at the time I was working full-time as a senior health producer at Fox News Channel in New York City. I was juggling all my responsibilities at work, my side hustle, plus all that goes into being a wife, daughter and friend too.

I needed to get back on track. I had no choice but to embrace a new mantra, “Rest is the New Hustle.”

I took everything off my plate. Every appointment, every project, everything. Sometimes just washing my hair was the one thing I did for the day. It gave me a new perspective into how much we put on our plates and what really matters most.

That’s what I had in mind when I was writing my second book, Listful Living: A List-Making Journey to a Less Stressed You. Most of the pressure and stress we are under is self-inflicted and it doesn’t need to be that way. An early reader of the book put it best — she said “the hustle that got you here won’t get you there.” I was stressed, unhappy and needed structure to identify what was truly my priority.

“Rest Is The New Hustle” is a mantra I use when I think I need to do more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and allowing yourself some time to pause and evaluate before jumping in.

To be clear — I’m not saying that taking everything off your to-do list is this magical technique that will alleviate all stress and create the happiness that you’ve always wanted. That’s just not realistic. Instead, I’d like you to consider being more intentional about what you do — and to allow yourself to evaluate if it’s truly worthy of your time. You might be surprised.

The World Health Organization officially recognizes burnout as a condition now. People are taking it more seriously. Nearly 90 percent of all doctor visits are stress related. Stress can tear you apart — body, mind, and soul. It’s so important to have your priorities in place so you can put the right things on your to-do list and avoid burnout.

Here’s an exercise I take readers through in Listful Living:

PRIORITIZE YOUR LIFE

#1: What are your top priorities in life? Think really high-level here — what matters to you most overall? Make a list of those things. You can list anything like sleep, money, nutrition, family, meditation, etc.

#2: Take that list and put it in value order. One is the most important and 10 is the least important.

#3: What is your #1 top priority right now? This will probably change over time. But what is true right now? And make sure to be realistic. This shouldn’t be the thing you wished was your priority, but rather the thing that actually is your priority.

Now that you know this priority, it becomes the lens through which you will look at the world. For instance, if sleep is your #1 priority, then when someone asks you to go to a networking event in the evening you’ll instantly know you can’t attend. It would interfere with your core priority. That doesn’t mean you’re never going to an event again, but it means right now you’re going to pass.

EXAMINE YOUR STRESS STYLE

#1: Pick one scene from the last two months where you felt over-the-top stressed out.

Be as descriptive as possible — use your five senses to remember what you were feeling. Give yourself 10 minutes to write freely about that scene.

#2: How did that feel?

List out how you felt specifically after that very stressful moment in your recent memory. Use single words or phrases to describe your feelings from the scene. 

#3: List out briefly three other times you’ve felt very stressed out over the past year.

#4: Ok now what did you get from this exercise? What is the recurring theme? What are the similarities in these scenes? Perhaps the same person or place pops up in these stressful situations. Right now is not the time for judgment — you’re simply observing.  Write those common themes down.

Next I’d suggest doing similar exercises to uncover what you’d like your life, your stress levels and your productivity to look like. That’s what I’ve done in Listful Living. It’s designed in three parts very intentionally. The first part is where you look at your life without judgement, the second is where you dream about what you’d love your life to look like and then the third part is all about how to practically bring those pieces together. It’s a formula that I’ve used in my own life time and time again and I’m hoping this list-making tool can help you too.

Look. Dream. Practice.

You may also enjoy reading Chronic Stress: The Silent Hormone (and Life) Hijacker, by Dr. Stephanie Gray

The post Rest Is The New Hustle: A Meaningful Life Is Not Measured By Productivity appeared first on BEST SELF.

Wandering the streets of Tangier for an afternoon, Chef Christine Moss soaks up new sights, flavors — and brings home some recipes and life musings

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Soaking up the sights, smells and senses — Chef Christine Moss wanders the streets of Tangier for an afternoon and brings home some recipes and ideas about life

Sometimes a day trip is just enough of a taste of adventure to satiate your wanderlust. But sometimes, a day is simply not enough. I found this out the hard way. When planning my recent trip to Spain, there was so much I wanted to see and taste and experience including a side trip to Tangier, Morocco. So close; only an hour-long ferry ride away from the small Spanish town of Tarifa. How could I not try to experience more than one continent?

A good friend of mine tried to warn me that one day in Tangier would not be enough — and boy he was right! But that didn’t stop me.

I caught the bus from Seville to Tarifa, a three-hour ride and strolled the 10 block distance to my hostel in the old part of town. The guidebooks all read that Tarifa is good for windsurfing and catching the ferry to Morocco and not much else, but I found that to be untrue. Note to self: You can’t believe everything you read in guidebooks.

Tarifa is an amazing, beautiful white pueblo on the coast filled with the friendliest people. Art galleries and restaurants are everywhere you look. Suffice it to say, I could have spent weeks there.

The next morning I caught the early ferry to Tangier. Once again, the guidebooks all warned to watch out for people sweeping you up to take you on tours of the city — all looking for money. While wandering the narrow cobblestone streets, camera in hand, I felt very comfortable and welcomed. Making eye contact, saying Bonjour and Good Morning actually put me at ease. People were very friendly and I found those offering tours to be very respectful.

I think my experience as a single female traveler of color helped me blend in a little. Besides, I’m a native New Yorker. We’re born with a certain amount of street savvy. That is until I tried to speak.

Most people speak Arabic and French, maybe Spanish and a very little bit of English. My Spanish is pretty good and I can understand some French when spoken to me slowly.

I had one moment of conversation with a gentleman who kept apologizing for his bad English. I apologized for not knowing any Arabic, I asked him how to say thank you. “Shukraan” he replied.

If people are wandering around searching for tourists it is because this may be their only income to support their families. When we are kind, it goes a long way. When we open our minds and hearts to see things differently, we soften. And I certainly didn’t travel across the globe to isolate myself. One of the most delicious parts of travel for me is the adventure of meeting and connecting with new people.

One of the first places I noticed (probably because it smelled so good) was a small stand in a doorway selling warm flakey m’smen, a large and layered flatbread sold by the slice and spread with your choice of butter, marmalade, a soft white cheese or Nutella. As they say, When in Rome…I ordered a piece and chose the butter and marmalade.

He folded the bread over itself a few times before wrapping it up in foil. At that point, I hadn’t quite figured out how the money worked. I couldn’t convert Dirhams into Euros or dollars in my head. Maybe it was the heat, which was in the 90’s at 10 am, but I just surrendered and held my hand full of money and asked the man behind the counter for help in a mixture of Spanish, French and English.

He took a few coins and then gave me others back as change. I used the same approach in a little place next door when purchasing an Orangina soda. I could hear him comment to his friend, “American” and so I smiled and said “Yes, American. Shukraan” He then smiled that I knew the Arabic word for ‘thank you’ and said “la shukran ʿla wazhb” or ‘you’re welcome’.

The m’smen was the most delicious bread I have ever eaten.

The flavors were a combination of a lavash and crepes, that filled me for the rest of my day there. In retrospect I could have saved some for later in order to enjoy more things, but at the time I simply couldn’t stop eating it.

I purchased a ticket for a tour bus to see the Caves of Hercules and Cap Spartel, a lighthouse located where the Atlantic Ocean meets the Mediterranean. These sites are located a few miles outside of the city allowing me to see parts of Tangier and the coastline that I would have never have experienced just walking around. While, I’m glad I went, it did take up much of the day.

The mountains were full of mist and eucalyptus trees. In a field there was a group of children throwing rocks at cars who ran away when the bus driver yelled at them out the window. There were tents set up here and there along the beach with campfires. The sand was a beautiful brick red color, the water turquoise blue and the sea foam from the crashing waves, pure white. The air was fresh and green and I kept saying to myself over and over, I am in Africa, I am in Africa to firmly ground it my memories.

Once back outside the old city walls, I wandered within again and sat at an outdoor cafe. I ordered a hot mint tea and watched the daily life of this particular street as it happened by. There were cats and tourists, delivery trucks, bicycles and motorbikes. There were young girls in headscarves, blue jeans and fuzzy slippers carrying plates covered by plastic bags to the local oven around the corner.

The glass of mint tea was so hot that I couldn’t even touch it. So I sat and waited and watched and relaxed. I breathed into that moment and savored it.

People at the next tables made conversation with me, “Where are you from, how do you like it here?” I turned down the chance to purchase a watch. Finally, I used my own scarf to pick up the glass and sip some tea. Very sweet and very hot, it was exactly what my body needed. I felt immediately recharged and full of energy for the return ferry trip back to Spain.

One day in Tangier was definitely not enough — or perhaps it was…because in one day, I fell in love with the people, the land, the air and the ocean.

I will return for more than a day, to be sure. Stay tuned. In the meantime here is a recipe for m’smen to make at home. And while you are at it, enjoy with some super hot mint tea to accompany it. It is a great reminder to take pause, to savor the seemingly small moments that, strung together, provide a scrapbook of memories.

You may also enjoy other articles and recipes from Chef Christine Moss on her Author Page.

The post A Day In Tangier: The Awakening of a Chef’s Senses and Soul appeared first on BEST SELF.

From the abyss of depression and suicidal yearnings, one woman sets off on an adventure of living in her van — in search of herself, healing and authentic wellbeing

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Four years ago I planned to kill myself.

I settled into the driver’s seat of my 2010 Toyota Sienna, wiggled a bit to get comfortable, and clutched the steering wheel to remain steady. It took more courage than I’d anticipated to start the engine. I glanced over my shoulder at my studio cottage behind me. I had such deep affection for my tiny home. Choking on the burning lump in my throat, I turned the key in the ignition. My foot slowly depressed the gas pedal. I’d chosen the vernal equinox for this genesis. Surrounded by sunny yellow forsythia and vibrant purple crocuses heralding spring. I believed I would soar.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Every decision I face is evaluated by that one simple question.

I’d been divorced for several years, my son was in college, work was work, and I was battling an unrelenting restlessness. It had become physical. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach as the uncanny sensation of butterflies. In my struggle to identify and satiate this affliction I spent hours lost in internet rabbit holes searching for what I thought I needed.

When I finally found the cure it was more than shocking.

It was van life.

A nomadic lifestyle in which one lives, works, plays, and travels in a van. Like a hippie. Or a bar band. I had no idea this subculture existed, and that it was a growing trend! But once discovered, I knew I wanted in. Badly.

Upon further research I developed growing concerns. What would people think? Is this a mid-life crisis?

What if I failed?

I countered each mental roadblock with the query, “What’s the worst that can happen?”

This one question allowed me to determine if a perceived worst-case scenario was emotional or practical. I learned that my emotional issues were fear-based. By isolating each fear and breaking them down, they lost their power.

The analysis helped recalibrate my perception of success, sell my belongings, and downsize to a one-room cottage in anticipation of embarking on nomad life. It was happening. I was on my way!

Then my mother died.

My mother had succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease. At its onset, I moved across the country with my son to be near her and my father, and I had been her caretaker for a time. The disease defeated us. We moved her into a memory care facility and watched as she faded away to a place we couldn’t follow. My guilt over failing her was implacable.

Shame imprisoned me in a sinister abyss of depression.

Paralyzed by the weight of my failure I withdrew from life outside my tiny home. My job performance plummeted. There was no respite, but for sleep. I yearned to sleep forever. I begged for Death. When it didn’t come I plotted ways to meet it.

For a moment, I rested my head on the steering wheel of the minivan. It was time. I sat up straight, breathed deeply, and took inventory once more.

The one question endured even when contemplating my suicide, “What’s the worst that can happen?” 

The conclusion was undeniable, “It would destroy my son.”

Killing myself seemed the cruelest act I could perpetrate against the person I love most. Although he’s a grown man, I still do my best as a beacon he can look to at every stage of life. Even as a guide for what not to do.

Suicide conflicted with my parenting philosophy.

While I was too sick to research or reach out for help, I had no problem binging Netflix, overeating, drinking way too much red wine, and generally avoiding any physical activity or social interaction.

That’s still pretty much my ideal weekend. Without the wanting to die part.

Depression is a lifelong challenge I hid for years. That major depressive episode profoundly affected my perspective.

I finally granted myself permission to fully embrace my depression, and learned to live with it. Leaning into its desolation helped me discover how to remedy my despair.

It took some time for my ailing psyche to get there, but when it did it was a genuine epiphany: I should at once eliminate everything that did not benefit my mental wellness.

My job topped the list. So I quit.

Months passed before I began to feel anything approximating wellness. Nowhere did I feel better than on the road. I experimented with car dwelling. Venturing further for longer periods. My first solo cross-country adventure over three months was electrifyingly life-altering. The thrill of exploring new places was as exhilarating as I’d dreamed. But traveling alone astonished me in a most unexpected way.

It cloaked me in anonymity. Feeling unseen granted me a freedom I’d never felt before. It released me from the burden of others’ expectations. There was only me.

I could go anywhere and do anything. It had me feeling as close to comfortable in my own skin as I’d ever been. I was seeing myself from the inside out. I was smitten with the power of my liberation. Living as a nomad would be a decision I knew I wouldn’t regret.

There were logistics to consider before I actually hit the road full-time. Indecision that caused sleepless nights. Unanticipated problems to solve. Always gauging perceived risks with, “What’s the worst that can happen?”

As my foot pressed the gas pedal of the minivan, my own restlessness matched the vibrating impatience of the impending spring. I had been propelled to this very moment. Not by fate. By my own orchestration.

I eased out of the driveway of my tiny house for the last time. Alive. Captain of my own life for the first time.

This lifestyle isn’t glamorous or easy. The principal hardship is finding safe haven night after night. There’s disequilibrium in the exceeding amount of exposure to vulnerability. Underlying even the most ordinary task is the perpetual low hum of my apprehension.

I don’t travel in search of comfort. The adventure is in welcoming discomfort. In discovery. In navigating the unknown. Every challenge met is a victory of my ingenuity and spiritual endurance. I am empowered. And it is intoxicating.

In the past nine months I’ve rolled over twenty-thousand miles undaunted. Northeast from my former home in North Carolina, across the vast wilderness of Canada from Nova Scotia to British Columbia; now south down the rugged Pacific Coast Highway.

I’ve hiked lake shores crowded with 3-billion-year-old rock, photographed the deserted Golden Gate Bridge as San Francisco slumbered, dizzied at the depth of a billion stars in the blackest sky, and worshipped the sunrise from a mountaintop on my birthday.

Friends tell me I’m fearless. That’s not true. I live with my fears and let my depression walk alongside me. That is who I am. Nowhere am I more my badass self than on the road. In a minivan.

What’s the worst that can happen?

You may also enjoy reading Togetherness Redefined: A Family’s Story of Life on the Road, by Celeste Orr.

The post #VanLife: Facing Off With Depression & Discovering Freedom On The Road appeared first on BEST SELF.

Talking human potential, safe technology, quantum physics —and reclaiming our personal power with author and mastery coach Olga Sheean

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In the summer of 2018, I awakened in a fog to find myself lost… metaphysically, logistically and emotionally. A new business partnership was floundering. A personal relationship was crashing. My physical health was spiraling. My home was environmentally toxic. My social life was stagnant. And the world at large felt broken. Again. 

But mine is not a Hallmark movie fairytale of a fast-paced New York City woman who had it all and suddenly lost it, only to emerge on a Christmas tree farm in Vermont to meet the love of her life after adorably falling heels first into a snowbank in front of Kris Kringle’s village in the town square. 

No.

In fact, I had already moved through bewildering steps of displacement and dispossession many years prior. Chronically ill for decades, existentially worn out, a string of failed relationships, an abruptly interrupted career, a whirlwind of geographical relocation, and extended periods of financial distress. But through most of that, I came to realize, “Okay. I get it. I accept the epic quest set forth for me, equal parts Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, and Divergent. My life is one less ordinary.” But that insight didn’t seem to heal anything. 

I’d already done the stuff that you’re “supposed” to do in such circumstances — yoga, meditation, retreats, cognitive behavioral therapy, blood tests, doctor’s visits, acupuncture, Reiki, naturopathy, ending toxic relationships, purifying my home, spending a day with a Shaman, letting go, moving on… and ultimately starting again, somewhere new, from nothing. Yet despite all the work and the therapies, everything fell apart that June of 2018. Again. In a strangely familiar pattern. But this time, in a magnificently dramatic way. 

There was clearly no quick magical fix to what ailed me. Nonetheless, there was a path that returned me to everyday magic.

At the time of this new crisis, I’d just finishing reading EMF Off! A call to consciousness in our misguidedly microwaved world by Olga Sheean. This book found its way to me through the usual EMF (electro magnetic frequencies) circles. For me, a writer who covers the impact of electromagnetic fields on environmental and public health, those circles contain some exceptional voices and minds. 

Olga’s name stood out to me as the former United Nations employee who, in recent years, had released a number of scientifically rich publications to the World Health Organization, Health Canada, and other international governing bodies, calling for actionable change and accountability to protect humanity and the Earth against wireless radiation. Why a former photojournalist for World Wide Fund for Nature International in Switzerland would pen not only these documents, but also a book on EMFs and consciousness, is testament to Olga’s unique work in human dynamics and her own personal and health journey.   

I wanted to learn more. Navigating to her website, I was intrigued by her coaching consultations that spoke of transformative work, quantum physics, and personal magnetism. I sensed a kindred spirit as, like me, Olga had experienced life-altering, adverse health effects from radio frequency radiation (i.e. Wi-Fi, cell towers, and other wirelessly enabled devices), which sent us down parallel paths toward science writing and research. I wanted to learn her methodology for healing, and for dealing with not just my own crises, but those at large in the world. So we had a chat, and began working together.

Olga challenged me more than anyone else ever has. But she also helped me shift myself and my reality, more than any of her predecessors. Plus, as I can personally attest, she has the most awesome lyrical Irish accent. Which made interviewing Olga simply enchanting. Below is that conversation: 

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Alison Main: You are a writer, an editor, a relationship therapist, a mastery coach, a former photojournalist, and well, so much more. But before I define you…How do you see yourself? Who is Olga Sheean?       

Olga Sheean: I’m passionate about the deeper truth, always exploring and evolving as I discover another piece of the human puzzle, and digging down to the hidden gems and greatness buried inside every one of us. 

I’m also a disruptive thinker who likes to debunk the myths and subconscious programs that prevent us from seeing who we really are. 

And I’m a creative juxtapositioner, combining unlikely elements that inspire people to think beyond conventional limits. I love to laugh and to make others laugh, knowing how uplifting and healing it can be, especially if we are ill or struggling with challenges. 

So, essentially, I’m dedicated to exploring and exposing our true nature, the nature of reality, and the power of nature itself. I believe we need to understand and embrace all three of those in order to resolve what’s happening in the world and know how to thrive. 

AM: The term “empowerment coach” is probably self-limiting in light of your work. How have you come to this uniquely curated place?  

OS: I’ve been doing this for 26 years, and I started by working on myself. When we truly understand ourselves, we begin to understand human nature and the nature of reality. 

Empowerment has lots of different connotations. For me, it’s about living proactively, inspired by healthy self-worth to make enlightened choices, be daringly creative, practice emotional honesty, and be all that we can be. It’s about honoring our multi-dimensional selves, rather than living by someone else’s rules or limitations.  And it’s about reconnecting with the truth buried beneath the many layers of disconnectedness and programming that cloud our vision of what’s possible. 

AM: Kind of like a hero’s journey?

OS: I think we are all on a journey of self-discovery, and many of us dodge the call to greatness due to conditioning that limits our sense of self. So I explore the subconscious programming that drives that, and I look at each individual’s circumstances, which are reflections of what is missing, distorted or suppressed. That tells me everything I need to know about that person—the dynamics to address, the insecurities caused by their early programming, the purpose of their challenges, their hidden strengths, how they tend to sabotage their success, and what they are being called upon to do. 

AM: It’s hard work! 

OS: It can be, but you reach a point where it starts to be fun. When you start to work your emotional and spiritual muscles, and you activate your higher faculties, you begin to see that you can create magic in your life. But it doesn’t mean that you never have challenges. It means that your challenges become much more interesting and rewarding as you reach higher and master more of yourself. 

AM: In your work, you use the term “conscious evolution.” What does that mean?

OS: Conscious evolution is about mindfully choosing to grow, to know our selves and to live with focused intention. It means being aware of how we feel and what we want, and making conscious choices in favor of our personal evolution and the conscious living planet on which we depend. 

We now know from quantum physics that the universe is a living entity, and that consciousness, which you could also call focused awareness, can actually change things. 

Our thoughts are electrical. Our emotions are magnetic. We are always transmitting signals to each other and out into the world, and we are always having an impact, whether we are aware of it or not. 

Consciousness is also about slowing things down and bringing ourselves into the present moment. Most of the time, we are moving so fast and doing so many things that we cannot process or integrate our experiences. And if we don’t do that, we can’t connect with our feelings, which means we can’t proactively orchestrate our lives. We must be present in order to grow and evolve.

AM: How does this relate to our individual journeys toward healing, success, self-worth, and everyday magic?  

OS: I look at social media and all of the world’s problems… we were never intended to be exposed to so much crisis, mayhem and dysfunction. This has created a tremendous amount of stress, overwhelm, trauma, reactivity and disconnectedness.We’re not equipped to cope with that much grief, sadness and tragedy, especially if we are in a state of reactivity rather than being at peace with ourselves.But we are meant to connect with universal intelligence — the seamless, unified field of energy that connects us all. Becoming conscious of our interconnectedness reminds us of our impact on others and on our planet. And tapping into that consciousness inspires us, uplifts us, and opens us up to a dimension of infinite possibilities. 

AM: So, if we transmit positive energy, we can effect positive change, not just in our own lives, but in the world at large? 

OS: Yes. It’s one of the principles of quantum physics. We have the capacity to change things. We can use our minds to elevate our consciousness and literally make our minds matter. 

There is a crescendo of crises in our world because we are focused on the fallout and reacting to the symptoms, without addressing the underlying cause. 

Every crisis is a call to empowerment. If we don’t address the root cause of what’s happening, our symptoms get worse because they’re designed to get our attention so we get the message and reconnect with the deeper truth. 

AM: When a new, but familiar circumstance appears in front of me, I’ve found myself exclaiming out loud to the universe, “What now? What lesson did I not learn the last time?!” Do you see these patterns in your work? Where people meet the same challenge, and it escalates over time if they have failed to address a core issue? 

OS: Yes. Absolutely. We all have these patterns. And they are caused by our negative programming — the limiting beliefs, self-doubts, insecurities, negative projections or expectations that get passed on by parents, teachers, care-givers and religious leaders. And, ironically, even though we may see it as negative stuff that we want to discard, it takes us on a very particular path. 

If we understand what our programming is about, and if we choose to address it, we end up going on an amazing journey towards fulfillment. Each piece of programming is designed to put us in touch with a particular part of ourselves that is asking to be developed and expressed. 

AM: How do you address this? 

OS: One of the things that I work on is helping people to fill in their “missing pieces.” These are the essential formative qualities that failed to be cultivated in us when we were growing up — qualities such as acceptance, respect, support, encouragement, validation, self-expression. If they were cultivated in us in a loving, wholesome way, we would be whole, confident and fulfilled. We would know and love who we are, and we would go forth in life thriving and expressing that. 

But because we all have these missing pieces, we end up distorted, insecure, conflicted or incomplete. And we miss out on the qualities that promote healthy self-worth, which has a huge impact on our lives.

Our programming determines the people, challenges and circumstances that we attract.

When we are emotionally whole, we become magnetic for the fullness of life that we desire. We don’t even need to specifically strive towards something. But we need to take certain actions and embody the qualities that we want to see in our interactions and relationships. 

AM: What’s an example of how missing pieces may impact us?  

Acceptance is the #1 missing piece for everybody. If we fail to get healthy self-acceptance cultivated within us, we can spend our whole lives looking for love, acceptance and approval from others. And, because of that, we make compromises, we say yes when we want to say no, we make other people’s needs more important than ours, and we might do things for the sake of getting a favorable outcome. We will do anything, in fact, to avoid being rejected. We live in fear of rejection, even if we’re not aware of that. Ironically, this means that we self-reject in the hope of being accepted by others.

We could sit all day and say “I love myself. I’m amazing. I’m beautiful.” But it wouldn’t change anything if we’re not doing the actions that demonstrate that. Our subconscious is always listening and watching, and it needs to hear us love, accept, validate and support ourselves. When we do that, we change the programming, we fill in what’s been missing, and we attract more of the qualities that we are embodying. 

AM: So, purely from a relationship standpoint, until we fill in those missing pieces, are we attracting people who are already whole and can embody those missing pieces we seek? Or are we attracting people who have the same missing pieces as we do? 

OS: In intimate relationships, we will attract people with the same missing pieces as us. And that can be heartbreaking, because we’re really hoping that they will give us what has been missing, such as affection, understanding or tenderness. 

The goal, of course, is to get us to see that it’s missing in us, not to blame the other person for not giving it to us, which is what we often end up doing.

So we need to understand that we have that power, that it’s inside us. And if we fill in what’s emotionally missing in us, we break that cycle. 

Going back to what you said, “What lesson did I not learn the last time?” Well, I would say you probably got the lesson, but you may not have done the homework of filling in whatever was missing for you in that relationship.

And it’s also in how we deal with the other person. We may know that we deserve a better relationship, or a better partner. But if we don’t take ownership of that and start to embody that worthiness in the way we think, talk, act and interact, then we make it all about the other person. And if we haven’t changed what’s missing inside us, we will attract somebody else to show us that same thing. 

AM: You’ve written and published extensively on the health impacts of wireless radiation. Have you noticed any shift in public awareness and acceptance of this issue? 

OS: People have been feeling powerless to change things, because the industry appears to be so massive and daunting and impenetrable. They cannot see how one single person could make a difference. 

But I see that many more people are realizing how much authority we have surrendered, and how much control we’ve given to governments and industry. And because we’ve surrendered accountability for our own lives, government and industry see no reason to be accountable to us. 

Here, too, we get to see what’s missing in us if we look at what’s missing in our governments. Look at what they are doing to us or failing to give us. In irradiating us, they are violating our boundaries and our rights; they’re not listening to us; they’re harming our health; and they’re not taking us seriously. But we are doing all of those things and more to ourselves. Government and industry are doing to us exactly what we are doing to ourselves. We taught them how to treat us. We want them to fix things so we don’t have to, so we give them the authority to make choices on our behalf.

That’s part of the programming — surrendering responsibility, being taught to defer to an outside authority. But government and industry can’t fix things if our dysfunction and programming are the problem — and if we are the solution. Some people are beginning to get this and are taking back responsibility for their own lives and making choices that promote the kind of world they say they want to see. 

AM: I’ve noticed that simple suggestions like “Disable your Wi-Fi at night” or “Maintain distance between your mobile phone and your body” often elicit anxiety and fear. Why such extreme reactions to these healthy tips? Is this more than tech addiction? 

OS: I think it goes deeper than addiction. There’s a deep unmet need. 

Our tech-driven culture is a reflection of all that we have lost, over many generations. 

If we go back in time to the early 300s, when the early Roman Church State forcibly indoctrinated our ancestors, we discover a tragic untold story that marked a pivotal point in our history, because it profoundly subverted our personal autonomy for political purposes and radically derailed our evolution. 

It was a ruthless takeover that destroyed the ancient wisdom of our ancestors, eradicating their culture of self-knowledge, enlightenment and co-evolution with nature. This bred fear, self-rejection and spiritual separation — all of which is now so deeply embedded in the human psyche that we are oblivious to the worldwide havoc it has caused. 

Being told that we were innately sinful, unworthy and in need of redemption, the very opposite of our true nature, promoted shame and self-rejection, which led to judgement, condemnation and destructive behavior — toward ourselves and our planet. 

When we were forced to defer to an external authority, we also lost our spiritual autonomy and faith in self, which is why we now cede so much power and responsibility to government and industry. And we lost the deep connection to nature that our ancestors knew was vital for our survival and healthy evolution. Now, our deep need for spiritual connection, emotional nourishment, validation and belonging results in all kinds of addictions and dysfunction that prevent most people from understanding the deeper truth.

Coming back to self — even finding self — therefore requires tremendous awareness, forgiveness and self-love.

AM: What do we need for real change in the world? A consciousness revolution? Maybe “revolution” is the wrong word. A consciousness shift? 

OS: I think you said it. We need to become conscious of the fact that we’ve lost consciousness. We need to reconnect and wake up to the truth, which means taking responsibility for the power we have to change things. Huge chunks of ourselves are not being activated, embodied or leveraged in any way to create the kind of life that we’d like to have. 

We are suffering from a case of global PTSD.

People are traumatized by what’s happening. When you’re emotionally burnt out, you don’t want to do anything. You just want those other people, out there, the ones who messed it up, to fix it. But only we can do that, by becoming conscious of what’s really going on and reclaiming our rightful autonomy.

AM: It’s easy to default into a mentality of “I’m tired, I can’t fix this, let me play with a virtual toy for the next 10 hours.” It’s similar to going through something traumatic on a micro-scale, like breaking up with a romantic partner. You’re sad and lonely, so you want ice cream and Netflix. This is the same thing, but on a macro-scale. But maybe ice cream and Netflix are not the things people should be doing to truly heal. 

OS: You’re right. We seek comfort and, if that’s all we have, we’ll take it. Because if we don’t know what’s causing our emotional or spiritual hunger, we’ll go for an external fix, such as our smartphone and social media, that distracts us and gives us some sense of connection or engagement. If we can’t see how to give ourselves what’s missing, how to lift and love ourselves, then we’ll take the ice cream and the Netflix. 

The chaos in our world feels too daunting for us to resolve, so we compensate with comfort and distraction.  

AM: The tech and telecom industries have certainly given us a plethora of immediate gratification gadgets. Those of us who have started to feel the physical effects of this wireless technology, who have quite literally needed to put the wireless thing down to heal, have been thrown into this place where we realize that there has to be more than these devices and virtual realms. 

OS: We talk a lot about sensitivity, but I see that word differently now. Because of our burnout, many of us are emotionally numb and disconnected because that’s how we learned to deal with things. So this “sensitivity” is really our senses coming back to us — and throwing many of us into overwhelm because of all the stimuli.

And it’s not just about wireless technologies. We’ve also got vaccines, climate change, chemical toxins, environmental destruction, which are all part of the same chain. The irradiation of the planet is just the latest transgression. Things always get progressively worse, because they’re designed to get our attention and bring us back to our senses. 

AM: So this really comes back then to our own power. 

OS: Yes. And it’s hard for us to make these connections. We have very powerfully attracted this stuff into our environment. If we can get that piece, if we can step back from the blaming, the judging, the self-rejection, then we just might open the door to something amazing. 

The key thing to remember in all of this is that our programming will always override logic, reason, science, and even the most compelling arguments for saving our planet.

That’s why we’re looking at the destruction of our planet right now and thinking, “This is madness. Surely the people doing it must realize this is going to kill them, too, right?” But when you see how far removed we are from the things that nourish, heal, empower and inspire us, you see how dehumanized and deeply programmed we are. That’s why the science doesn’t penetrate. The programming will always override it. 

AM: I’ve always wondered why nothing seems to get through to people on the wireless health issue — the science, emotional stories, infographics, statistics, court cases, rallies. Nothing.

OS: It’s true. Nothing gets through because it’s our dysfunction that’s driving things. Our programming blinds us to what’s really going on — inside and out. 

Only by changing ourselves can we change the world. To me, that’s the solution right there.

If we all put our energy, focus, intentions and actions into promoting the positive, healthy, thriving world that we want, rather than giving all of our energy to sharing the bad news, we would have an extraordinary impact. 

AM: When you follow environmental health news, social media becomes its own traumatic assault. It’s one horrible thing after another. Even I don’t want to read it, and I write on this. Those who are blithely enjoying a symbiotic life with their wireless and virtual toys are certainly not going to want to engage with this information. They’ll either think “What’s the big deal?” or “Great. Just one more horrible thing.” But from hurricane destruction to wireless technology, we are just not reacting to news and information the way we used to. 

OS: We don’t have the mental capacity or the emotional resilience to do so. Instead, we feed the drama. But there’s also victimhood in there. It’s a distorted way of trying to get a sense of importance. We say there are terrible things being done to us, and we have a sense of righteous indignation, when in reality we’re doing many of these things to ourselves. 

If we stay stuck in that victim status, we remain disempowered. We are saying, “I’m powerless, I can’t fix this, these people are more powerful than me, there’s nothing I can do.” 

Victimhood does not serve us. We’ve all been there, at some point, but we won’t feel good about ourselves if we’re not achieving anything, and we really need to create the magic. 

There is no glory in being a victim. We can be victors when we understand how we work. 

AM: In my own work, I never wrote from a victimized vantage point. In fact, my intention was the opposite — to reclaim my own power and the power of universal energy. And yet, some people have taken my work, twisted it, and categorized me an “EHS sufferer” or “a victim of wireless technology.” I repeatedly message back, “I am not a victim. We are not victims.” But that doesn’t seem to resonate with some people.

OS: There’s power in being emotionally honest and exposing our own humanness. Due to programming, we are all dysfunctional, in some way, and the more we try to pretend we are okay (while subconsciously believing the opposite), the more the programming gets reinforced. So it’s kind of a conundrum. No, we don’t want to be victims. We don’t want to give that airtime, even though we’ll find lots of company if we do. But there’s also value in declaring that we’ve been there, done that, we were stuck there for a while, and now we’re out of that, because we know that’s not the answer.

The more accepting we are of ourselves, including the wobbly bits that come from negative programming, the more positively magnetic we become.

AM: Your book, EMF Off! is a “wireless wake-up call and a message for all humanity.” What led you to write it?   

OS: I felt there was nothing else out there that brought all of these elements together in one holistic view: the personal experience; the science of what wireless technology can do to us; the deeper truth about what’s happening; and the urgent need for us to regain consciousness and wake up to that truth. 

There’s a lot of talk about corruption in government and industry, but the biggest corruption of all — the corruption of our true selves— is happening inside us. Ultimately, I see my book as a message of hope, a deeper understanding about the nature of reality and our human nature. It’s resolving that internal conflict so we can be at peace and fully in charge of our lives. 

AM: You have a new publication, Tell Me The Truth. Tell me about the core message of that book.

OS: It’s about consciously reclaiming self-responsibility, and making conscious choices about the kind of world we say we want. It’s an invitation to show up and be powerful. 

I look at some of the things we say, the projections we have, the blame, and I turn them around. For example, if you don’t like the education system, what are you doing to educate yourself? You don’t like all the electronic surveillance in your life? How diligently do you monitor your words, behaviors, boundaries? You don’t like that governments aren’t accountable to us? How accountable are you to others about your choices? 

It’s an invitation to dip into that deeper truth, to embrace it, to start living it and see what shifts.

AM: What about the emergence of virtual reality and augmented reality… How much are these technologies taking us away from ourselves and our connections?

OS: It’s a reflection of what we’ve lost. It’s the inevitable culmination of what we’ve disconnected from. All this virtual and artificial stuff, in the larger divine plan, is designed to take us back to the true reality, to our human intelligence and our higher faculties. 

There is a deeper purpose and a bigger picture. If I’m caught up in a virtual reality, if I’m tantalized by artificiality, what does that say about me? To what extent am I human? What have I lost? What do I need to get back? 

We research health issues, wireless technologies, climate change, vaccines. But how much do we research ourselves? We are being pushed to become experts in our own humanness. I think this is why 5G has so galvanized people to finally push back, because our tech-centric society has become so inhuman. 

AM: When I look at where VR and AI has the potential to go, including transhumanism, most of it unnerves me. 

OS: That’s the part I should emphasize. Because it’s all so daunting, I think it’s really important to inspire, uplift and enlighten ourselves. We need to get more excited about being empowered humans than about using inanimate gadgets. Many of the things our gadgets can do, we can do better, and to far greater effect, when we activate our higher faculties. 

Our gadgets may give us a sense of being powerful and connected, but there’s a deeper part of us that’s completely disconnected. 

Our digital gadgets cannot compare to our own power. It’s like trying to be powerful by proxy, but it’s a poor runner-up to actually being powerfully human.

We are creators. We have the capacity to literally create our ideal reality. And there’s nothing more amazing than that.

AM: Can we use our digital technologies in a way that does not compromise our humanity? 

OS: Yes. We can make these technologies work for us, not be a slave to them. When we ground ourselves in the deeper truth of who we are, and when we ground our technologies in the earth through wiring, we can use the two together for extraordinary opportunities. We can access incredible knowledge, coming from a place of awareness and consciousness, and we can share it through digital and communications technologies to really elevate ourselves and each other.

You and I have been pushed to go there, in a way—to simplify, to get back to nature, to regain a sense of wonder. There is so much expanding wisdom on the planet that we can tap into, grounded in ourselves and in nature, connected to our true human nature, seeking to evolve consciously, and also by grounding and earthing our technologies. 

AM: I find that many people have an incorrect image about those of us who talk about the impact of wireless technologies. They envision an isolated person with a tin-foil hat, living in an underground bunker, with no access to a computer, Internet, or phone. And that’s just so very untrue for most of us. I live in the modern world. I have a computer with high-speed, wired Ethernet connection for Internet and phone. I am actively connected to information and communications, but in a safe way. But most people don’t realize these non-wireless options are available to them.

OS: Yes. We also have to acknowledge that we create the demand. If we are really being honest about wanting healthier technologies, then we have to say “no” to the unhealthy ones. But if we keep feeding the old ones, then there is no reason at all for the wireless industry to change. 

Humans will always rise to a challenge. So if there’s a demand for a healthy telecom technology, it will happen. We just have to call for it and say no to what doesn’t work.

But until we say no to the harmful stuff, we are still saying yes. 

AM: So what can we expect to see from you going forward? 

OS: I’m developing a new interview series, called The Hot Seat, which will feature dynamic conversations with individuals who are dodging their call to greatness and may be facing a crisis or challenge that’s trying to take them higher. Being in The Hot Seat will show them how to answer the call by turning their challenges into breakthroughs. 

I am also creating two online courses: 

Fit for Love, an emotional-fitness program that decodes relationship challenges and shows you how to find your best self and your best mate; and Tell Me the Truth: A Code for Freedom and Conscious Evolution, for those who want to reclaim their autonomy and orchestrate their own lives.

My next book — Get a Grip. Your Lunch is Ready — is a collection of quirky recipes with lots of irreverent humor, tasty tidbits about the power of real food, how the mind affects the body, and how to have fun in the kitchen. 

AM: Do you have any final thoughts for our readers? 

OS: We are being challenged to consciously evolve, to restore the natural order of things, to find our way back to wholeness, humanity and balance, and to start really loving who we are. 

We have the power to transform our lives, rewire our brains, be our best self, and create the reality we want.

You may also enjoy reading Radical Responsibility: The Key To Moving From Suffering To True Agency & Freedom by Fleet Maull

The post Innate Wisdom: Reawakening Our Truth, Reclaiming Our Power, Changing Our World appeared first on BEST SELF.

A discussion with a modern day lama who breaks with tradition in his journey of self-discovery that includes an anonymous wandering retreat and a near-death experience

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“How many of you did not understand anything I just said? Please raise your hands.”

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche is addressing a crowd of 200 people in an auditorium on the campus of St. Thomas University, a Catholic college located in a residential area of St. Paul, Minnesota. On the second day of the Path of Liberation retreat that I’m attending, he has just spent more than an hour attempting to explain a profoundly subtle concept of meditation often called “nature of mind.” One reason I came all this way to spend a week with Mingyur and his team of master instructors was to learn how to recognize the nature of mind, a key to practicing Mahamudra, the highest level of meditative awareness in Tibetan Buddhism.

Still in his mid-forties, Mingyur Rinpoche is already one of the most popular, and most highly respected, teachers in the world of Tibetan Buddhism—a world that presents a Buddhism that, some Buddhists might argue, diverges from the teachings that the Buddha himself propounded some 2,500 years ago in northern India and what is now Nepal. Although the historical figure of Shakyamuni Buddha taught a way of life that relies entirely on one’s own human efforts, the Vajrayana tradition in which Mingyur and his fellow Tibetans work is replete with deities and celestial beings, male and female, although nothing quite like the Supreme Being of the Western Abrahamic faiths.

The Buddha did accept the gods and demigods of the Indic culture of his day, but believed them to be inferior to the human realm because only humans can become enlightened. Most Western followers now view Tibetan deities like Chenrezig, the bodhisattva of compassion, as metaphors for states of consciousness rather than actual beings, but the line can get blurry at times.

One key element of Tibetan Buddhism, however, is uniquely in touch with Western culture, both the aging baby boom generation of Americans now in their sixties and seventies and the Millennials, who are watching their futures go up in smoke:

None of the world’s major religious traditions has focused more of its teachings on the dying process, an event that looms larger than ever for many of us.

And yet, far from reflecting a morose obsession with the end of physical life, the Tibetans offer some of the most practical, empirical aids not only for seeing death as a positive experience, but also for learning how to undergo it with the least suffering and the greatest opportunity for transformation as consciousness continues in its next stage. An advanced practice known as phowa, for instance, designed to teach practitioners how to direct the transference of consciousness at the time of death, either for oneself or another, has virtually no counterpart in other religious traditions, nor in modern science, for that matter.

Even if you don’t believe in an afterlife or rebirth, simply knowing how to die consciously and without mind-clouding drugs can clearly be beneficial.

Even more to the point, the Tibetan view of the dying process also aligns closely with our current understanding of the near-death experience, or NDE, which has become a subject of intense interest in recent years. The Tibetan Book of the Dead—also known by its original Tibetan title of the Bardo Thodol, or “Liberation through Listening in the Between”—is the most popular of all the books in the Tibetan canon among Westerners.

Perhaps no sacred text more thoroughly explicates the process one’s consciousness goes through during and immediately after dying. Dr. Raymond Moody, whose 1975 classic Life After Life introduced the term near-death experience, and became a bestseller, was aware of the Bardo Thodol, which had been first translated into English in 1927. Moody found it astonishingly cognate with the one hundred or so NDEs he had been documenting. “The book contains a lengthy description of the various stages through which the soul goes after physical death,” he wrote in Life After Life. “The correspondence between the early stages of death which it relates and those which have been recounted to me by those who have come near to death is nothing short of fantastic.”

The goal of that text is to help readers recognize and navigate the several bardos, or “in-between” states during which the possibility of achieving enlightenment, or liberation from the wheel of suffering known as samsara, is greatly heightened. Composed in the 8th century by the Buddhist adept Padmasambhava, whose consort, the Tibetan princess Yeshe Tsogyal, wrote down this and other texts and hid them in various locations, the Bardo Thodol was discovered and revealed some six centuries later and has been recently translated into English any number of times.

However, for all its popularity—it was a favorite of Timothy Leary and served as the inspiration for the Beatles’ song “Tomorrow Never Knows”—the Bardo Thodol is also famously dense and difficult to follow. One reason I was eager to attend Mingyur’s retreat in St. Paul, besides the rare opportunity to learn more about Mahamudra from a genuine master, was that I had just finished reading his latest book, In Love with the World: A Monk’s Journey Through the Bardos of Living and Dying (written with Helen Tworkov; Spiegel & Grau, 2019). To my knowledge, it’s the first book by a modern Tibetan lama about his own near-death experience, and it’s nothing short of breathtaking.

After deciding to leave his all-too-comfortable life as the abbot of a large monastery in India and go on an anonymous wandering retreat, Mingyur finds himself immersed in a world that is as unsettling to the young lama (he was just 36 at the time) as it will be discomfiting to most Western readers—sleeping in vermin-infested train stations, begging for food, and nearly fatally sickened by the tainted scraps he is given.

But along the way, even as he struggles to overcome his own aversion and physical pain, Mingyur misses no chance to teach readers what he has learned from his intensive years-long study of the Bardo Thodol. Sharing his insights, he persistently invokes the voices of his teachers, most notably his father, a renowned meditation master himself, who practiced not so much tough love as continuous instruction illuminated by a series of appealing stories.

With his father’s guidance, Mingyur had studied the text in the original Tibetan and trained in the necessary skills to maintain his awareness during the process of dying. And so, when it slowly dawns on him that he might well be expiring of food poisoning and dysentery, rather than taking himself to a nearby clinic—where he would most likely have been treated, even without funds—he chooses to tough it out by drawing on his training and doing his best to “maintain awareness.” In the process, he enters what is clearly a near-death experience, although it may not be quite what you expect.

In the 44 years since Raymond Moody’s Life After Life was published, near-death experiences have been reported by tens of millions of people from all walks of life and many nations. Moreover, these experiences have occurred under conditions of rigorous observation, often by cardiologists and other medical professionals, and in numbers too great to ascribe to mere chance, delusion, or fabrication. Enough books about the subject have now been published to rate their own shelf in any sizable book store, while many have become number one bestsellers—and I get why that is. They can make for fascinating reading, more so if you’re open to the concept that when people “almost die,” they undergo extraordinary experiences, which you’ve probably read about by now: encounters with deceased loved ones and/or beings of light; feelings of indescribable bliss and love; the ability to observe from above medical personnel or family trying to revive them; and often a life review reminiscent of scenes from the Hollywood film It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve read enough of these books, dozens actually, to know how they usually go, so I should announce upfront (spoiler alert!) that Mingyur’s description features few of those standard elements.

What it offers instead is a step-by-step appreciation of how everyday life consists of various stages of dying in small and significant ways, how best to deal with those moments, and how they are preparing us for the physical death of the body—and the continuity of consciousness that accounts of NDEs imply.

The Tibetan word bardo refers to more than just the stage between death and either enlightenment or rebirth, as described in the Bardo Thodol. As Mingyur points out, learning how to navigate the transitions, or in-between moments, in everyday life can be as valuable as understanding what we may face as we approach physical death. “Anything that interferes with mindless repetition can function as a wake-up call, and an antidote to automatic, mindless behavior and habitual fixations,” he writes in his new book. After enduring his first hellish train journey upon leaving his monastery under dark of night, and his own shock at realizing how much suffering ordinary people endure outside the closed world of a highly respected abbot, Mingyur spends some of the small amount of money he took with him to rent a room in a local “pilgrimage hostel” and purchase inexpensive treats like dal with rice. But he quickly runs out of funds and is forced to go to a nearby restaurant where he had been paying for his food and beg for a handout. He is told to return in the evening, when they will distribute the day’s leftovers scraped from customers’ plates.

The food they give him turns out to be toxic, and within a short time he begins to feel the intense pain associated with food poisoning and its attendant dysentery. No longer able to pay for lodging in the hostel, Mingyur takes up residence outdoors in a park surrounding the Cremation Stupa in Kushinagar, where the Buddha’s body was immolated—as good a place as any to meditate on the likelihood of death. Steadfastly resisting medical help, he instead focuses on maintaining meditative awareness and tracking his progress through the bardo of dying as he had learned. And, as his physical self steadily deteriorates, he takes us with him on his hallucinatory yet remarkably cogent interior journey.

*  *  *

Mingyur Rinpoche may be the teacher most ideally suited to interpret the wisdom of the bardos and other elements of Tibetan teachings known collectively as the Dharma to a Western and worldwide audience for a number of reasons. His first book, The Joy of Living (2007), was a New York Times bestseller that successfully interpreted the basics of Buddhist practice for a non-Buddhist readership, and he has written several more books that have also sold well—to Buddhists and non-Buddhists—and have been translated into a dozen languages. He now has large established communities in the U.S., Mexico, Brazil, France, Germany, Denmark, and Russia, and his “Guided Meditation on the Body, Space, and Awareness” video has over 2 million views on YouTube. (It may be the best 15-minute “how to meditate” video I’ve ever watched.) And Netflix has just featured him on the “Mindfulness” episode of their new series The Mind, Explained.

Among Mingyur’s better-known American students are the renowned meditation research neuroscientist Richard Davidson (also featured in that Netflix series) and the celebrated performance and virtual reality artist Laurie Anderson. (Lou Reed, her late husband, was also a follower.) Anderson has said that she often quotes Mingyur in her work and that her favorite teaching of his is, “Try to practice how to be sad without actually being sad.” In an email, she added, “This is a colossal, mind-shaking distinction that has changed my life.” She has also just released a new recording, Songs from the Bardo, in which she reads excerpts from the Bardo Thodol with musical accompaniment.

Indeed, I spied Laurie while checking in for the retreat, her spiky hair and cherubic face little changed in the years since she was a leading performance artist in the 1970s (although we all left her in peace). The rest of the audience ranged in age from millennials to folks in their sixties and seventies who, like me, mainly sat on comfortable chairs because they could no longer manage the flexibility required to rest on a cushion in the classic full-lotus, or even less-demanding alternatives. They also varied in experience from having meditated for decades to only recently having started on the Buddhist path. We were all there to learn how to recognize the nature of mind, which may sound simple enough to anyone unfamiliar with the lineages of Tibetan Buddhism of which Mingyur is a master, yet which is anything but.

The nature of mind refers to a state of awareness entirely unobscured by mental concepts or beliefs—something Zen Buddhists call our “true nature,” and that Vedanta practitioners refer to as “nondual awareness.”

The Buddhist scholar-practitioner John Myrdhin Reynolds puts it this way in his commentary on another ancient text from the same treasure trove that gave us the Bardo Thodol: “The nature of the mind is like a mirror which has the natural and inherent capacity to reflect whatever is set before it, whether beautiful or ugly; but these reflections in no way affect or modify the nature of the mirror. . . . This nature of the mind transcends the specific contents of mind, that is, the incessant stream of thoughts continuously arising in the mind which reflects our psychological, cultural, and social conditioning.” That may be as succinct definition as I have found. The main problem is that, because this “capacity to reflect” is nonconceptual, it cannot be fully described in words, so Mingyur has been trying to tease an experience of the nature of mind out of us with questions that, to be honest, sound starkly futile. “Look at your thought,” he says with an open expression on his face, “and ask yourself if it has a shape. Or a color.”                                              

The Zen tradition, which in many ways is quite different from Tibetan Buddhism, hints at the difficulty of recognizing mind in a koan that appears in Case 23 of the koan collection Mumonkan, or “Gateless Gate,” when a Zen master demands of his student, “Show me your Original Face, the face you had before your parents were born.” What they are pointing at is akin to what we in the West might call the soul, or that core essence of each of us that exists outside of time and space, nationality and gender, and will survive death. The Tibetan iteration is perhaps more straightforward, but hardly less befuddling. “Look back at your mind,” Mingyur says, switching to a favorite metaphor. “If you can see the river, you’re out of the river. If you see the river, it doesn’t matter what kind of river it is: dirty river, clear river, turbulent or calm river. But if you fall in the river, you should have a calm river, nice temperature, clear river. You don’t want to fall into a dirty river.”

Applying this image to meditation practice, he clarifies: “If you can see the discomfort you’re feeling, you don’t need to stop feeling it. You can have a healthy sense of me, an unhealthy sense of me, or a luminous me. The unhealthy sense of me is very sensitive, black and white, very narrow. You cannot fight with it. If you believe this unhealthy sense of me is Yes sir!” (snapping to mock attention) “then it becomes your crazy boss. So, what we have to do is make friends. Say, Hi! and face it. On the cognitive level you ask, ‘Who am I?’ And on the meditative level, just be aware of it.”

Mingyur goes on like this for a while, suggesting that we ask ourselves, regarding our everyday actions and choices, “Who’s the boss?” (He is especially adept at turning colloquial American lingo to good use.) By this he means to ask ourselves which of the three elements that are considered key in Tibetan philosophy—body, speech, and mind—is calling the shots. Back in the mid-20th century, the legendary Indian sage Ramana Maharshi developed a following by asking anyone who made the pilgrimage to the holy Mount Arunachala in South India, where he regularly held forth, a simple question: “Who are you?” However his visitor responded—with their name, nationality, occupation, philosophy of life—Ramana would simply repeat the same question. Again, and again, and again, until, at last, the seeker fell into silence. He recommended that all those who sought his counsel ask themselves the same question continuously.

Looking for the nature of mind by following Mingyur’s clues is not unlike Ramana’s prescription, although it gets more complicated as you progress.

Am I the person having this thought—the person having this momentary feeling of anger, or lust, or serenity? Or am I the person aware of myself having this thought or this feeling?

One purpose of the retreat is to receive what are called “pointing out instructions”—by which a realized teacher helps you to directly experience the nature of mind. These instructions are traditionally given in private, although one of Mingyur’s team of senior instructors (Western masters who also teach throughout the retreat) had assured me that he has developed a way to do this simultaneously with large groups.

After continuing in this vein for a good twenty minutes or so, Mingyur, perhaps catching the vibe of silent obfuscation sweeping the audience, asks the question that opened this article: “How many of you did not understand anything I just said?”

Virtually every hand in the room, including mine, shoots up—the first time he’s gotten such an unambiguous response. Mingyur’s initial reaction is a look of genuine disbelief. He probably expected to have lost maybe half the group, but he seems momentarily stunned by this show of near-universal incomprehension. His shocked look freezes—and then he bursts into uproarious laughter, an infectious howl that has us echoing him with our own confused amusement. But that only sets him off further. At first he throws his hands up in mock incredulity. But then something else, something larger, seems to overtake him, and his laughter becomes almost hysterical. He continues the upward sweep of his hands back over his head and then behind him. Finally, he throws his whole body back until he is laid out completely supine, eyes facing the ceiling. This is almost painful to watch because he was already sitting in a full lotus on the silken “throne” that serves as his dais. His legs still wrapped in the lotus posture, he must be eerily flexible to be able to lay out in a full backwards 180.

That’s when I realize that maybe he’s laughing at himself as much as at us, laughing at the cosmic joke of thinking he can expect several hundred  people to instantly grasp the kind of subtle mind-training that most monks spend years in a cave learning.

And flexible is surely the right word. His own life has required the kind of mental and emotional elasticity that would make a contortionist envious. Mingyur was born 44 years ago in the foothills of the Himalayas, not far from where the Buddha himself grew up.

Like many Tibetans who came of age after the Chinese Communist invasion of Tibet in 1950, he was born outside the Motherland, in Nepal, and now lives perforce in India. He often speaks with real pride and gratefulness about being raised in the shadow of Mount Manaslu, the eighth-highest mountain in the world. His late father, Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche, who was born in Tibet and fled following the invasion, was a highly celebrated teacher of both Mahamudra and Dzogchen—two closely related forms of the highest level of meditation practice in the Tibetan traditions. Mingyur’s mother, Sonam Chodron, is descended from the two Tibetan kings who played key roles in importing Buddhism from India. He also has three older brothers who, like himself and his father, are recognized tulkus (indicated by the title of Rinpoche, pronounced RIN-po-SHAY), or reincarnations of lamas reaching back centuries. In Mingyur’s case, that would be to the first Yongey Mingyur, who died in 1708.

One of the first things that attracted me to the personality and teachings of Mingyur Rinpoche was his frankness about how much he suffered from anxiety as a child, something I’ve been trying to overcome since my own childhood experience at a Catholic parochial school.

As early as seven or eight, he endured anxiety that later grew into full-blown panic attacks triggered by events as quotidian as a thunderstorm, or the clangorous music of Tibetan horns and cymbals during monastic ritual prayer sessions. (Admittedly, the Tibetan music I’ve experienced here can be as ear- and mind-rattling as a Sun Ra concert, and nearly as exciting.) I had rarely heard lamas confessing their difficulties adapting to daily life, but Mingyur talked about how challenging he found meditation, even as taught by his father. During his first meditation instructions, he says, “I felt like I was driving a car with my feet on the gas and brake at the same time. Lots of energy, but no results.”

He finally got the knack, but his anxiety continued to manifest, often in unusual ways. In one of his books he describes his uncontrollable panic when, as a young teenager, his mother took him for the first time on a bus trip to Kathmandu. Having never before seen a bus or any comparable vehicle, he thought it was a huge, predatory beast—a perception that some adult urbanites can probably relate to. Nevertheless, he took the first of several traditional three-year retreats at age 13. By 20, he had become the functioning abbot of Sherab Ling, a major monastery that is part of the Tibetan diaspora in India, and later received full monastic ordination. In 2007, he oversaw the construction of Tergar Monastery in Bodh Gaya—the holy site in India where the Buddha is said to have obtained his Enlightenment.

Four years later, in the summer of 2011, Mingyur felt the call to leave a life that he says had become ultimately too cozy—and predictable—as abbot of a large monastery, waited on by attendants and sought out by thousands of students, monks, and Western seekers. He wanted to make a “wandering retreat,” in the tradition of not only the Buddha but also the itinerant ascetics and sadhus from whom the Buddha himself had learned—to cut his ties to safety as well as engrained habits. Mingyur later told the Buddhist magazine Lion’s Roar, “I had been meditating for many years, and of course I’m a meditation teacher, but I still had subtle pride, subtle ego.” His father told him that he had once tried to make a similar wandering retreat, but that his insistent students called him back, so he advised, “Don’t let anyone know.” Mingyur followed that counsel and escaped by calling a taxi to take him to the nearest train station (although he did leave a letter for his students, to be opened once his disappearance was noticed).

So began his plunge into an exceptionally turbulent, muddy river of unmediated life, in which he was to float for the next four and a half years. But he almost didn’t make it past his first month on the road when he ate that tainted food. His adventure is jam-packed. The first 48 hours of his journey—from one train station in Bodh Gaya to another in Varanasi—occupy almost half the book. Of course, much more is happening than travelogue, as harrowing as that is. Just riding on an Indian train in third class, so crowded that he is forced to sit on the floor with dozens of other travelers, sounds disconcerting even to those of us who have endured the New York subway system through its worst years. He uses the experience to explain the levels of meaning of the bardos.

“From the moment I left Tergar,” he writes, referring to his seat monastery in Bodh Gaya, “I was in-between in a literal way. Even on entering the train and getting a seat, I was in-between—as I was still, now, circling the station. Yet the true meaning of in-between has nothing to do with physical references but is about the anxiety of dislocation, of having left behind a mental zone of comfort, and not yet having arrived anywhere that restores that ease.”

And so, although we know this is all leading up to his near-death experience, Mingyur never takes the direct or predictable path, and even his apparent digressions are credible and gripping. That is largely thanks to his coauthor, Helen Tworkov, an accomplished writer and longtime practitioner. She keeps the narrative grounded by clarifying Mingyur’s explanations of both the complexities of the bardos and the dissolution of his senses as he nears death and then pulls back from the brink.

This approach has the distinct advantage of not requiring the reader to believe in anything “supernatural”—the great stumbling block thrown up by materialist scientists and atheists. I would even hazard to say that members of those overlapping demographics could read this book without having to abandon all their preconceptions. (Not entirely, of course. Sam Harris, one of the so-called Four Horsemen of the New Atheism, studied Mahamudra for several years with Mingyur’s father, and has created a meditation app based on what he learned. Nonetheless, he still rejects the veridical nature of the near-death experience.)

Interviewing Mingyur by phone before the retreat, I asked if he were familiar with the expansive literature of near-death experiences. He said that although he had heard about the books he hadn’t read any, so I described some of the most common aspects of NDEs and asked if they applied to his experience. “For me there was no other being helping, or any particular light leading me,” he replied.

“For me, it was that I tried to stay in awareness. Awareness is what we call ‘fundamental nature.’ Awareness is like sky, and then emotions, thoughts, perception, memory, whatever we are experiencing in our life—living or dying, it doesn’t matter. We perceive it like clouds.”

An oft-repeated Buddhist metaphor likens our inherent “buddha nature” or “primordial awareness” to the sun that constantly illumines the sky but that is temporarily obscured by clouds that pass in front of it. The clouds represent our ignorance and afflictive emotions such as anger, hatred, and jealousy. “When I was having this almost-dying experience—what I describe in my book as dissolving the elements in my body—I experienced these dissolutions,” he went on. “But my mind tried to stay in awareness: what we believe is present, pure, always there. Normally we do not recognize it. My father used to say that the bird flying in the sky doesn’t recognize sky, and the fish swimming in the water doesn’t recognize the water. We are living with this wonderful pure, present awareness, but we are not recognizing it.”

In his book Mingyur deftly describes this dissolution of elements that is believed to occur at death, his feeling that his body has become paralyzed and his senses have begun to liquefy, including his thoughts and emotions. And yet, he adds now, “At the same time, my mind was so vast, so present, so peaceful. I never felt like that in my life. When I felt all my senses’ dissolution, then what I felt was pure awareness. I stayed there for many hours within that state. And then somehow I came back to life. I began to feel my body, slowly I felt the senses. I could hear first, then I could see.”

After collapsing in the charnel ground, Mingyur is rescued by an Asian businessman with whom he had had been conversing off and on for several days before his illness set in. The man brings him to a nearby clinic (paying for his treatment), where Mingyur slowly recovers his health, although the process of nearly dying and then recovering occurs over many pages. As each of his senses gradually returns, he realizes that he is lying in a hospital of some sort, with no recollection of how he got here.

“And when I came back, the world had changed,” Mingyur told me in his sweet, small voice, which occasionally flies into the upper register when he becomes awestruck. “Before, when I was on the street, I felt like, Why had I come here? But when I came back, the street became like my home. This was a really big change, a big experience for me. But I didn’t feel a particular light, or that loved ones or someone had come to meet me.”

In his book, Mingyur admits to being “disappointed” to be back in his body after experiencing luminosity, and when I asked why, his reply was matter-of-fact.

“We believe that if you really die in that state, you’re free, you’re liberated,” he said. “You will achieve enlightenment. So sometimes I joke that it’s too bad that I came back to life again.”

And yet, he makes it clear that his return to the living was no accident. “In the end I felt a kind of strong love and compassion,” he said. “This is not the end, and for me to die—I sensed that I want to help others. Beyond concept, you can experience that compassion. And that feeling became stronger, and I think that was the main cause of bringing me to life again. When I came back to life, I had a strong feeling of gratitude, of appreciation for my life, about who I am. When I looked at the big trees in front of me [in the stupa park], they became really alive. It was like the trees were made of love. The sunlight and breeze flowing through my body felt pleasant, but more than pleasant. Before, it was just concepts, but now it was feeling, and the feeling was joy without grasping—contentment.”

I asked if his experience changed the way he teaches Dharma. “Before, I learned a lot of theory, a lot of cognitive aspects,” he replied. “But after that, it became more alive, more experiential. So when I teach, I now explore my own experience of what I call ‘head, heart, and habit.’ Head is the intellectual. Heart is the experiential—feelings. And the habit is bringing it into everyday life. So I try to bring my meditation into everyday life, and that really helps.”

And what about his life itself, I asked. How did his approach to living change? “That is where the title of my book comes from,” he said, his voice lighting up.

“When you love the world, the world loves you back. After that, I knew how to survive even though I didn’t have money or support.”

Having read that Mingyur was estimated to have spent more than 60,000 hours in meditation, I asked how his NDE was different from the profound experiences he must have undergone during prolonged meditation.

“I felt unlimited discovery within myself,” he said. “When we think about meditation, we think of it as peaceful, calm, and you will be more happy—but that’s all. It’s almost impossible to imagine beforehand, but as you practice, Wow! It’s Aha! My father told me when I was young that calm, pristine awareness is always there. I tried to practice that on a conceptual level but when I almost died, I didn’t have senses, I didn’t have thoughts as I normally understand them. Awareness is so vast, so present. No time. No front and back, no light and dark. I had this appreciation that death is not the end. Death is an illusion. There’s really no gap between this life and the next life.”

But, I asked, what about the Buddha’s teaching of “no soul” or “no self”—his famous proposition that we have no solid, continuously identifiable self that continues throughout this life, or from lifetime to lifetime?

“For me it’s just like thought,” Mingyur said. “One thought dies, another thought comes. I want to have water, and then I forget about it. Or I want to rest, or I want to have pizza.” Here he laughed. From his many videos it is clear that pizza, which he pronounces pee-suh, is a favorite food. “This concept comes from timeless awareness. Awareness cannot die. Yet, this awareness doesn’t have any kind of ‘thing’ that you can grab onto. It is almost invisible, beyond concept, and yet—it is so alive, so present. Because of this awareness, then, the thought comes and goes. And for me, death is like thought. Reincarnation, what we see, is only the literal level. But at the absolute level, no one is going to die. And no one is being born, also!”

I’ve read Robert Thurman’s excellent modern translation of the Bardo Thodol, but since I have yet to study its practices with a teacher, I asked for more guidance. I was also curious whether Mingyur thought the dying experience itself differed for people from different cultural backgrounds. “The Bardo Thodol says the most important practice is to just be with awareness,” he said. “But there’s a lot of perceptions, many different manifestations of lights or deities, or maras [emotional afflictions that can interfere with liberation].

There’s no limitation of what kind of experience you go through dying and after death. It depends on your culture, your faith, environment, your past experience; everybody is a little bit different.

It’s what we call ‘the perception of suchness’ or the perception of nature. That means there’s no limitation, although there’s so many different experiences of pure awareness—wisdom, love, compassion. Many people may experience different aspects of this awareness.

“There are many different states in the bardos. The first is experiencing the state of awareness without perception. And the second is you begin to have perceptions. Light is very important. And the sound of nature, the sound of dharmata,”he said, using a term forthe ultimate essence of reality. “Then your mind becomes more uncertain but you also feel love and peace, and everything is not so solid. Then slowly, conceptual things form again—you go through things in reverse—what we call ‘forward and backward.’ When you die, everything dissolves—consciousness, perceptions, memory—into pure awareness. Everybody experiences pure awareness, but the issue is whether you recognize it. When we recognize it, that is what we call liberation. If you don’t recognize it, you’ll be in that state for a while and then become unconscious. Then you wake up and begin the next journey. Awareness is always perfect, but recognition might not be.”

Here he burst briefly into his infectious, almost childlike laugh. Vajrayana teaches that we all have an opportunity for enlightenment, or liberation, following  the moment of death, but we have to be alert and remain aware in that moment, or it will pass us by; then we will reenter the cycle of samsara and be reborn willy-nilly. Mingyur emphasizes that his own training in this area helped him have a positive experience. Since few most of us will probably not study the Bardo Thodol at length, however, he wants us to know there are other ways to prepare for the inevitable. Toward the end of his book, he writes,

“When we accept that we are dying every day, and that living cannot be separated from dying, then the bardos offer a map of the mind during this lifetime; and each stage offers invaluable guidance for how to live every day.”

This is clearly the main point of the book, his reason for writing it. During a livestreamed interview conducted by the psychologist Richard Davidson, who has made a life work of studying the beneficial effects of meditation, Mingyur told him, “I wanted to call my book Dying Every Day—but my publisher didn’t like that!” (I laughed out loud when I heard this all-too-true response from a commercial publisher.) Making the most of his practical approach to life, Mingyur writes that simple things like sneezing and yawning are the best opportunities to “interrupt the normal mind.” Apart from those involuntary actions, though, when would he recommend that people practice dying every day?

“Especially when you are facing problems,” he replied. “Say, you break up with someone, you lose your job, or when you’re 18 years old and you leave home—these in-between moments are the precious moments when we can really connect to who we are. If you know how to learn from that, be with that, embrace the situation, that’s when you can find who you are. If you cannot die, you cannot be reborn in this life.”

Those are major life events that can be trying, but they don’t happen every day. What about examples of dying a little bit each day?

“Let’s say you have some plans, and something can’t happen, you get a little bit of a shock,” Mingyur replied. “You have to let it go. If you’re waiting for the toilet and someone comes and cuts the line—again, it’s a big shock. At that moment, when an unexpected situation comes, our mind becomes Aha! It’s a little bit of a gap, a little bit of a nonconceptual state of mind. In that moment, we are really close to our true nature, who we are. So, if you are aware of that moment, then you will discover a lot of great things within yourself. Normally we are holding too much to the dry, conceptual level of who we are, what the world is, what the situation is. We have a lot of expectations, a lot of preconceptions. During this gap these preconceptions are gone. The important thing is to be aware and be with that, and that’s when great ideas come. Great knowledge, great insight comes out of those moments. When you look at history, the great people’s life stories, their great insights come during this gap.”

So when somebody cuts you off in traffic or tries to get the better of you in a business deal, instead of getting angry, we can look at those as opportunities to grow?

“Yes, you’re right. And be with the moment. First you feel the uncertainty or fear—and there’s not only fear there. There is a sense of being, of who we are, but sometimes there’s something more there within yourself. Greater possibility, potential, awareness, compassion, wisdom. There are skills that you never thought of before. Once you let go of that death concept, you will see new opportunities.”

Tibetan lamas with advanced levels of realization may also engage in a practice called thukdam, entering into meditation when they sense they are about to die. Mingyur told me that his father, Tulku Urgyen, entered thukdam when he was dying and remained there for three days after his apparent death without any visible signs of decay. Richard Davidson is carrying on research into this phenomenon based in India and the U.S, and hopes to report the results in time. Meanwhile, I asked Mingyur how he feels about the apparent disparities in the accounts of Westerners who report back via mediums that on “the other side” there is no evidence of a particular tradition—not Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, or anything else. What they all describe in slightly different language is that souls there move through varying levels of awareness and spiritual growth, but without the sectarian terminology that we use on the Earth plane.

“Awareness doesn’t have a tradition,” he replied. “Awareness doesn’t belong to any religion, so the manifestation of awareness can be anything. It depends on your belief, your past experience, culture, mentality, personality. It can be experienced many different ways; it could be anything.”

If awareness, or the nature of mind, is universal, Mingyur explained, then these traditions, even his own, are simply vehicles to connect to that awareness. So, I asked, it doesn’t matter which vehicle helps you connect to awareness? “Yes, you’re right,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”

Mingyur’s open-minded approach to teaching dharma has allowed him to reach a new, wider audience, and applies to the way he has organized Tergar, his teaching organization. Based in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis-Saint Paul, Tergar offers annual retreats but reaches many more people through Vajrayana Online, a subscription service that offers in-depth courses taught by Mingyur and his team of American senior instructors.

About a month after our phone interview, when I attended the Path of Liberation retreat described above, I experienced a major upgrade in my own meditation practice. I’d been meditating off and on for nearly 30 years, and following various schools of Tibetan Buddhism for at least 20, but I took the retreat because I felt I wasn’t really getting as much from meditation as I expected—partly because of my inconsistent application, to be sure, but partly from lack of knowledge. My daily practice certainly had helped relieve much of my own considerable anxiety and chronic depression, but I never felt that it reached what I had read and been told about its other benefits.

I signed up for Mingyur’s retreat on an impulse, and even before the week was out I realized I was finally having the experience of meditation I’d been reading about.

The key, according to Mingyur, was not trying to meditate, but also not losing awareness, and at the same time relaxing and letting the glimpses of awareness he spoke about come to rest in the mind.

Maybe that’s what all the classical teachers mean by “effortless effort.” And being in the presence of several hundred like-minded souls, as well as a fully realized teacher, certainly helped.

What I also learned, almost by accident, was that I had been mistaken all along in thinking that meditation in general, and experiencing the nature of mind in particular, would lead to some explosive burst of enlightenment, like taking ayahuasca (as I had done years ago) or sitting zazen for thousands of hours until you achieve satori.

I asked Edwin Kelley, one of the senior instructors—who had begun studying intensively with the forest monks of Burma some 27 years ago and later at the popular Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Mass., before becoming Mingyur’s student in 1998—how long it had taken him, after receiving pointing out instructions, to achieve any reliable level of confidence in his practice. “Oh,” he replied evenly, “I would say about ten years.” I suddenly got how much of a process it was, and that I had to be in it for the long haul.

What I also got is that, in place of the one Big Bang I’d been expecting, the realization process most likely consists of a long string of litte bangs, like the one that hit me speaking with Kelley. And yet, after a week of intensive practice, including several 90-minute meditation sessions and two 2-hour teachings each day, incorporating three full days of being in silence, I felt noticeably different by the end of the retreat. And I still feel a profound sense of being more deeply involved in the path and the practices four months later.

I look forward to meditating every morning, starting before I get out of bed, because I know my depression will lift and I’ll feel better. But an integral part of the meditation practice is feeling compassion for others, so feeling better expands to encompass how I feel about other people, and animals. For someone with a chronic hermit archetype, that’s a big deal.

One last thought occurred to me as I wound up my phone interview with Mingyur. I mentioned that virtually his entire book takes place within the first month of his wandering retreat, which continued for four and a half years following his near-death experience. “You must have a lot more stories,” I urged, “all the things that you experienced during the rest of your retreat that you might write about in time.”

“I don’t have plans to write about that, no,” Mingyur responded. I imagined him smiling on the other end of the line. “Of course,” he added, “I have some good experiences that I want to keep for myself!”

Recently, though, I’ve started hearing rumors that he has begun working with Helen Tworkov again for what could be a sequel about the rest of his retreat. He may not be planning to keep all those other good experiences to himself, after all.

Nothing endures but change, and accepting this has the potential to transform the dread of dying into joyful living.

~ Mingyur Rinpoche

_

An online course called “Dying Every Day: Essence of the Bardos,” based on Mingyur’s new book, In Love with the World, is currently in progress and available with a subscription to Vajrayana Online. The subscription is on a sliding scale, $25 or $50/month. The course runs through the end of October and includes a downloadable course workbook PDF. It can be joined at any time and includes video and audio teachings by Mingyur Rinpoche and two of his American instructors.

A new online course, Awakening in Daily Life: The Bardos of This Life, taught by Mingyur Rinpoche and Tergar instructors, will begin Dec. 1, 2019. At its heart, the bardo teachings are concerned with the core teaching of impermanence, both in life and in death, and with the liberation that comes with recognizing the real nature of the mind in the midst of all that changes.

Learn more at learning.tergar.org

You may also enjoy reading Inside Out: Exploring the Out of Body Experience, by Peter Occhiogrosso

The post Dying Every Day: Exploring Life and the Near-Death Experience with Reincarnate Buddhist Lama Mingyur Rinpoche appeared first on BEST SELF.

One woman’s story of how non-sexual physical touch helped her discover a path to healing and a deeper connection with her partner after their miscarriage.

—

It’s a plus! We’re pregnant!

I ecstatically shared the proof from three tests with my sweetheart at the beginning of this year. I even took snapshots of three pink pluses, my evidence. Yet, truth be told, even within that happiness, I had this awful, gnawing knowing that I tried to push down — the pregnancy wouldn’t last. Perhaps it was just nerves so, I did all the things I was supposed to do anyway: took the prenatal vitamins, made the doctor’s appointments, ate healthy food choices and exercised. All the things.

Then the day came, and the blood started to flow — just a little at first. Maybe everything would still be OK. Keep it together, Marla, I tried to tell myself, as if I had some control over the process. As if I could stop the bleeding and hold this baby safely in my womb. Two days later at my OBGYN’s office it was official, I was in the process of a miscarriage.

Even the word ‘miscarriage’ implies I did something wrong — I hadn’t properly carried this precious package. 

As a former doula supporting women through labor, delivery and postpartum, a former bodyworker, and now a relationship expert for couples, I thought I knew how to ask for what I needed in order to heal and have some sense of closure with my partner. But I didn’t and I didn’t fully grasp the magnitude of grief and the waves of emotional, physical, and spiritual fragments that needed to find a place to rearticulate inside of me in order to heal. I had to discover how to fully let go and bond with my partner through the experience of miscarriage.

Current advice for physical recovery after a miscarriage cautions women about infections, and encourages rest and self-care. Emotional recovery advises women to feel the cycles of grief and move through any thoughts that it might somehow be your fault, If only I had done… I’d still be pregnant. However, that kind of emotional torture only further eats away at our heart and leaves us feeling even more broken, empty, and wounded.

What you won’t find online is how to garner the power of Non-Sexual Physical Touch (NSPT) as a healing modality to recover from the trauma of miscarriage, to love yourself and reconnect with your partner without the pressure of sexual vibes flowing between you two. In fact, sexual activity is prohibited for 2-6 weeks following a miscarriage due to the possibility of infection. Most women just want to crawl into bed and fall asleep until we awaken free from the emotional pain of losing a pregnancy and all the hopes and visions that accompany the loss.

Celebrity Spiritual Advisor, Shellie Nelson, reminds us that “Physical touch is an opportunity to once again reconnect us to the Primal Pulse of life. It can help to soothe and heal us from the trauma of grief, pain, and loss.” Nelson goes on to say that, “If we don’t intentionally reconnect we can begin a pattern of going through the motions and begin a disconnect that continues long after the miscarriage.

Non-Sexual Physical Touch can connect us with our own worthiness, to be alive, to love, to live in awe.”

Receiving NSPT from a family member or friend can be equally healing, especially if your partner is not available to be physically or emotionally present. The human connection is what is most important.

One woman, now a mother of four, shared her experience of NSPT after a miscarriage with me:

I felt alone. I didn’t want to pull on my husband, mostly because I didn’t have the energy to even know how, plus he had his attention on the kids who were also experiencing grief. My younger brother, whom I never turned toward for comfort, reached out and asked if I wanted him to support me, knowing how much we had going on at home. I said yes. When he arrived, he just got into bed with me with no words at all…and held me. The little girl inside of me relaxed and was allowed to make sense of the experience through physical touch. Having my brother lying next to me — something I would never have known to ask for — was one of the most loving, connected experiences of my life.

After a miscarriage, the tendency is to want to acknowledge it happened, deal with the sadness and emotions, and move forward as quickly as possible because we want to get back to our normal, busy lives. But grief and loss are not so neat and orderly — and have their own healing timetable.

Coltrane Lord, Ayurvedic Educator understands NSPT deeply, “In an Ayurveda (the science of life) lifestyle, we practice ‘Abyanga’ on a daily basis. It is non-sexual intentional touch meant to bring the body’s energy and hormones back to homeostasis.” Lord goes on to say that, “After a miscarriage, non-sexual, intentional touch from a partner offers the traumatized feminine body a coherent field she can reference to self-heal. The experience is similar to a child needing a hug or soothing touch from a parent after she skinned her knee. When the physical body experiences trauma, it is a natural reflex to reach for comfort. Non-sexual, intentional touch allows the energetic body to ‘drink’ from the coherent field her partner or loved one is holding.”

Many couples will talk it out and attempt to mend their hearts through words. When talking is not enough to calm and heal, there is another path.

Loving, Non-Sexual Physical Touch is the healing balm to help couples move beyond the sadness into deep intimacy that does not include any sexual energy.

Just to be held is the wish of so many women. And their partners, male or female, also need that physical touch. Words are so limited in these situations, they seem to cause more trauma sometimes when they are meant to be loving.

According to Relationship Expert, Alexandra Stockwell, M.D., “One of the keys to healing together is for both to understand and accept that each person is having their own experience.” She goes on to say, “Men look to their partners for clues for what they are expected to do and how they can be helpful. After a miscarriage, women are not in a position to give that kind of information to allow men to be supportive, so that can be very destabilizing.”

A woman needs to know that she is loved, not a failure in any way, and that her emotions are valid and worthy of expression.

Her partner needs guidance on what to do with their own emotions and how to best support her. Miscarriage is a loss for both partners, thick with emotional charge — and within this source of deep personal pain, they must find their way back to each other.

Dr. Stockwell reminds us that NSPT will, “Bring communion into an otherwise internally isolating experience.”

And Isa Herrera, Women’s Pelvic Health Expert recommends, “After a miscarriage, sexual intimacy can be hard to resume. Everyone feels so hurt and is looking for the ‘why.’ I recommend all women start with ‘Outercourse’ and connect by touching, hugging, slow dancing and being intimate without the sex. Outercourse helps women connect deeply with her partner and to express love in a way that allows her to feel safe.”

Discomfort is more than just physical after a miscarriage. The emotional pain of miscarriage can make both partners feel as if they are going through it alone — especially as they attempt to muscle their way back to ‘normal’, life as it was, and to all the other responsibilities that demand their attention. Isolation post-miscarriage can be deafening.

“Try a firm hand on her shoulder, a gentle embrace and a moment to breathe together. With this touch, the pain of the unspoken, and the loss is able to unfurl more readily, and give way to the seed of healing,” says Postpartum Doula, Devon Tracy.

Here are just a few of the physical benefits of NSPT:

• Lowered blood pressure
• Decreased cortisol, the stress hormone in your system
• Increased oxytocin and other chemicals in the brain that lead to a feeling of wellbeing.

When you practice NSPT with intention, you co-create experiences with your partner where you are bonding during chemical release which means your memory will include the experience of being held, being together, and bonding through a challenging time.

Even months or years later, the practice of NSPT has the power to bond and heal those places that can’t be touched by talk therapy.

While writing this article, my partner and I revisited the practices we utilized earlier this year, and even more emotion was released. For more on the actual practices of NSPT I invite you to download our complimentary guide which includes:

• The 6 Hugging Positions
• Massage After Miscarriage Practice
• The Ultimate Spoon
• The Love Blanket

During the process of composing this article, I was revisited by my own loss and rode waves of emotion as I interviewed women and couples who experienced miscarriage, as well as the experts who contributed here. My partner and I practiced all of these NSPT techniques ten months after our miscarriage — and the unspoken, unhealed, unloved parts of myself were able to quietly step forward and feel the comfort, space, and permission to receive a new level of healing and integration from the experience. I was able to have closure on the miscarriage in a whole new way.

So please consider this an invitation if you have experienced a miscarriage at any time in your life (or any other emotional trauma), to ask for your partner to practice NSPT together for mutual healing.

Experiencing loss is a part of the human condition and how we choose to respond can be the difference between suffering and healing.

There is no true closure without healing, and Non-Sexual Physical Touch (NSPT) is an opportunity to reconnect with the essence and truth of who we are, what we care about, and to love ourselves while allowing our partner to love us through loss.

You may also enjoy reading The Virtue of Vulnerability: How Miscarriage Reconnected Me to my Intuition, by Cindy Kirkliss-Kramer.

The post Life After Miscarriage: The Healing Power of Non-Sexual Physical Touch appeared first on BEST SELF.

Confessions of a trailblazing female M.D. who says that she once colluded with her patient’s pain by prescribing psychotropics — but that was then

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You may trust me because I have an M.D. That may mean, to you, that I have information that you don’t have. I know things about your body — about bodies — that you are not privy to by virtue of your non-expert station in life.

You may trust me because I am a woman. Because women inspire the trust of a mother, with their flowing hair and eyelashes, their soft skin and breasts, and their uniquely prosodic voices.

What is it, then, for a woman to become a Western physician? Is it perhaps possible that egalitarian feminism has given us an opportunity to feel the difference between a man in a patriarchal role and a woman assuming that same position? Is a woman misusing her power more dangerous than a man? It feels easier to trust a female physician, but what is it to trust a woman who believes the body needs to be managed? Who likely has not cultivated any intimacy with her own body and its interplay with the mind and emotions let alone the body, mind and emotions of her patient. Perhaps only a women divested of her own relationship to her body’s innate wisdom could become a Western physician. And only as that physician can she then capture men and women as patients in a way that fundamentally disempowers them in service of her seeming expertise around the body machine.

This was my story. I was a woman seeking mastery over the body in the dominion of a patriarchal hierarchy that treats this mastery like some cultish code only select initiates have access to — not the layperson, and of course, not the patient. I did not know what a woman’s wisdom could look like.

I did not know that the body’s symptoms are a signpost for unexplored conflicts, tension, and imbalance. I did not know that there isn’t a way around fear and pain, only through. I did not know that suppressing and fixing scary symptoms only begets more complex challenges.

I did not know any of this, and because I am a woman, and a doctor, my patients trusted me nonetheless. They trusted me to write prescriptions for them and their unborn fetuses and breastfeeding infants…They trusted me when I colluded with their fear and assuaged their guilt about taking psychotropics.

I need you to know that I am aware of the ways in which I still wield my credentials, my expertise, and my woman-ness to inspire your trust. I also need you to know that you are choosing to place your trust in me, and that it is imperative to examine the places we are choosing to trust.

Perhaps the only person, institution, or group that deserves your trust is one that reminds you of what you already know. Not one that offers a poison apple that is irresistibly shiny and couldn’t possibly have been grown in your own back yard. Don’t abandon yourself in search of healing no matter how much the promise seems to offer you a sense of control. That sense of control will soon transform into dependency on a system that owns the power you gave it.

So if I have lured you in with the promise of what my credentials might offer, allow me to open the door to my examination room. Go ahead, get undressed, put this gown on, and start exploring. I won’t be back with a diagnosis or prognosis. Because only you know what can be known about you.

That’s why the best healthcare is delivered by Helpers and a community who hold a mirror to allow you see yourself better, not Western Doctors who only know the body as object.

I shared this missive recently and have rededicated myself to creating the conditions, in what ways I can, to liberate every person I touch to their own power. This power may be best experienced when we can witness our capacity to make self-affirming, self-loving, and self-aligned choices. But what is a choice? Are we really free to make them?

The Anatomy of Choice

It strikes me as, perhaps, the single most important feature of the human experience that we have (and retain) the capacity for choice. Sometimes referred to as free will, choice is our power. Our self-affirming impulse. It is the I AM whispered, spoken, and screamed out into the space beyond.

Choice of what socks to pull on, of what charity to donate to, of whom to make love to, of whether or not to end one’s own life. These choices, made in every moment, weave the fabric of who we are. And every poor choice misaligned with our deepest essence offers the opportunity to, by contrast, experience a higher integrity choice in the future.

It might be noted, as well, that in societies where choice is suppressed, dehumanization and the experience of our fellow persons as either compliant or non-compliant emerges (Handmaid’s Tale anyone?).

But the slippery slope to suppression of individual power begins with the ‘mindless’ automation of our behavior and actions. It begins when we allow ourselves to somnambulate, also known as ‘sleep walk’. When we allow our subconscious conditioning to remain subconscious, driving our preferences, opinions, and actions under the light of our awareness.

In fact, it may be that we don’t have choice until we know that we do.

The process of rendering the subconscious (read trauma imprints, parental brainwashing, even intergenerational patterning) conscious may be a lifetime spiritual pursuit. Right now, however, across the globe, we have a veritable emergency unfolding…an alchemical cauldron, the likes of which brewed the Holocaust and slavery. So how can individuals be re-empowered now?

Here’s what has worked for me…and all that I can share is my experience because I don’t know anything for certain.

1. Identify where you have put your trust: Trust is the connective tissue of our meta-organism. We long to trust. We do it even when we shouldn’t. We animate our beliefs with faith. And this faith-based trust is a vector with a direction from you to the other. It’s a piece of you that you give away. And this is why it hurts when it is violated or betrayed. Betrayal itself may simply be awakening to something you did not want to see. So how can we see with eyes wide open and actively choose where we are placing our trust? It begins with recognizing our influencers. At this point, I choose to trust mother earth, a handful of human beings, and the cosmic design of this mystery. But once upon a time, I trusted science, the medical establishment, and the principles of pharmaceutical interventions. I would have given all of my freedom away for the promise of safety. So where are you placing trust? Any big corporations on that list? Doctors? Governing agencies? Your parents? Whole Foods? Make a list.
2. Learn what is possible: There are visionaries, pioneers, and trailblazers in our midst. I’ve been known to say, however, that they are often the first to be captured by psychotropic medications. Those individuals, when their gifts are nurtured, can manifest within them what does not already exist without. The rest of us, however, do well to be inspired. We need to know what’s possible in order to awaken to our own directionality. Terminal cancer can be meaningfully transformed into vitality? Multiple medicated chronic psychiatric disorders can be shed like a too-tight skin? Organs can be regrown? People can get up out of wheelchairs? Yes. Allow the knowledge of these already-lived experiences to call you home to your rightful destiny.
3. Understand fear as a motivator: When life is about avoiding the bad and collecting the good (and more for you means less for me), then the driving force is fear. Hopefully we can all agree that acting from fear — from a story we tell ourselves about what is happening that inspires urgent short-sighted action — is never as powerful as acting from strength let alone from love. Look for the loudest voice around a given choice…is it “this is bad and needs to go away!” or is it “what is this about, and how can I support myself in discovering more?” If it’s the former, put a pause on related decisions and look for the choices that you can make that come from an inner sense of I’m worth it and will wait for myself rather than I’m terrified and need to feel ok immediately.

If we start here, we can learn about the landscape of choices, and even if we feel we “don’t have a choice,” we can recognize that we still have micro choices — places where we respond to what is. We can kick or not. Scream or not. Tell or not. We can run or not. Hide or not. In fact, this is one of the more powerful premises of Byron Katie’s methodology she calls ‘The Work’ which serves to dispel victimhood through the identification of each and every place that we played a part. Each and every place — even as a prisoner of war, even as an incest survivor — that we made small choices to participate with what unfolded. The point of this is not to blame the victim, but to end the illusion that we are powerless.

Choice vs Decision

Speaking of choices and decisions, are they the same? Plus column, minus column, squint and focus and take the leap! As it turns out, there is a way to live life without making a single decision. It’s called being present to what is. Decisions can feel like an intellectual test. But when that’s the case, it may be that it’s not the time to make a decision yet. When you don’t know what to do, wait until you do. Because there will come a moment when you know what to do. You make that phone call, you move your body to the left, you leave that job, and the action emerges from a felt knowing that that step emerges from the previous one. Decision-making can be a means of over-identifying with an intellectual or psychological understanding of the available terrain…an understanding that may be conditioned or limited. Choice on the other hand, can be an exercise in self-declaration, in self-authority, and in selecting opportunities from a place of personal agency, that are the truest reflection of who we are.

Choice Paralysis

In NYC, it can be difficult to go to a new restaurant or out on a date because of the nagging sense that there might have been a better option that was forsaken. Abundance of options can lead to a fearful state that invokes our childhood wounds around ‘doing something wrong’ that will lead us to isolation, rejection, and loss of love. But the truth is that our bodies can help cut through the noise. And our bodies have an inbuilt ‘yes’ and an inbuilt ‘no’. You may be attuned enough to feel the ‘hit’ if you get quiet enough. I’ve found that self-applied muscle testing methods can be a powerful tool. These days when I am confronted by 18 bottles of supplements on my counter, I’ll only take the ones my body says ‘yes’ to.

Your Body, Our Choice

Not so much, right? Even if your beliefs happen to fall on the side of mandatory vaccination or rendering elective abortion illegal, you might imagine that if you happened to fall on the wrong side of this particular approach to civil liberties, you might not appreciate the tyranny of the majority dictating what you can do with your body. Bodily sovereignty is something most of us must awaken to, however, because when we are afraid, we give up all sorts of power in exchange for a sense of control. We are not in our bodies, we fear them, we abuse them by making choices that we know our bodies reject, and for many of us, this started at a point of trauma wherein our souls literally fled the premises.

But the truth is that your body is trying to show you something.

Like my girlfriend who had a (large!) wart on her finger for an entire year. During that year she was traveling with her children around the world and her husband was working from their home in the States. I reflected that I might have done whatever I could, natural or otherwise, if I had been her, to get that thing off my finger. But she didn’t. She waited for her body to show her, and when she returned home and spent the summer with her husband and children, the wart fell off. In fact, according to German New Medicine, a wart relates to a separation conflict, so now she knows that that is how her body expresses that tension. Our bodies will tell us how to move, what to eat, and where we might be misaligned, if only we learn the language of this sophisticated organism.

Quote from a Vital Mind Reset-er:

“Funny experience today that shows that your body knows once you give it time to reset. I am on day 2 of a bad cold and thinking of what to eat. I was craving yogurt (non-dairy, no sugar) and thought I would make a mushroom omelet, something I don’t think I have ever made. Then I read this afternoon that yogurt, mushrooms, eggs, and yams are some of the best ways to shorten a cold’s length. So, I just need to make a yam and I should kick this thing quick! So cool my body was craving all that.”

As we welcome ourselves home to ourselves, we are invited anew to act as guardian over our own experience. We have the opportunity to retain our power, our native expertise over ourselves and to resist the fear-based temptation to outsource it. It doesn’t take much objective consideration to recognize that a woman presenting to an allopathic male gynecologist to learn more about her genital anatomy and presenting symptoms is ‘off’. Under the auspices of ritualized medicine (white coat, standardized office decor, physician speak), she allows a man to penetrate her most sacred regions, so that he can tell her what she apparently cannot discover about herself or through the supportive care of a female healer who herself is sharing the wisdom of her experience to awaken another’s.

Doctors only know what they know and they must believe that what they know is valuable or they wouldn’t be effective authorities or experts.

The premise of conventional medicine is the belief that we can engineer and architect a safer, more productive, more functional reality than nature itself can.

We’ve tried this with agriculture, and it turns out that the only hope we have for restoring our soil lies in cessation of all of our best practices and a good-faith effort to get out of the way of a deeper intelligence. This deeper wisdom is something we all possess. In fact, there is a Greek word I love — anamnesia — that means, in a sense, remembering what you already know. It is my sincere hope that this M.D. has helped you to remember that you don’t need me, my answers, or anything but the inspiration and support to finally turn your loving gaze inward.

You may also enjoy reading Interview: Kelly Brogan | A Mind of Your Own, by Kristen Noel

The post Your Body, Your Choice: Confessions of a Female Doctor appeared first on BEST SELF.

A ‘money guy’ imparts a fresh perspective of finances — and reveals an interconnected roadmap to redefining ‘true abundance’  

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Money may be a cornerstone in your perpetually evolving financial plan, but to what extent is it an essential ingredient for living a rich and abundant life? And ultimately, can money buy you happiness? 

As you ponder these questions, you may find that rich is relative, happiness is subjective, and that money can facilitate abundance. But while our answers may be as diverse and unique as each individual in our global society, we can all begin by first stepping back and asking ourselves how we define ‘abundance’ — and how we keep score. 

What makes one feel abundant? Bank account or inner peace — can we have it all? I think so… and that’s not a pie-in-the-sky notion. But it requires some self-awareness, reflection and showing up for it all. Mindfulness is not just for yoga mats, it can also be implemented into our interactions with our finances. 

I’m a ‘money’ guy, but I’m also a man who knows that without self-care, family love and contentment — my bank account isn’t going to bail me out. 

True abundance is realizing joy from the quality of your experiences and relationships, regardless of how much money you earn or the wealth you accumulate. Money is simply a tool that can directly or indirectly impact the quality of those experiences and relationships, for better or worse. Merely pursuing money for the sake of accumulating more of it can be counterproductive and may actually be harmful to your health (e.g., stress) and relationships (e.g., neglecting key personal relationships by spending excessive time on work that you don’t perceive as meaningful and/or is not in alignment with your core values). 

Setting Up for Success

Once you’ve defined ‘abundance’ in the context of your experiences and relationships you can immediately start setting yourself up for success by harmonizing your money, your mindset and your values. 

Monthly Cash Flow: From a financial perspective, we live in a monthly society, so it’s important to establish a strong financial foundation for creating true abundance by generating more monthly cash flow than your monthly expenditures (living within your means). But how? 

Optimizing your most valuable cash flow producing asset… YOU

If you have a career or own a business, guess what your most valuable cash flow producing asset is? It is YOU. So, prioritizing and consistently investing in your intellectual growth, personal and professional networks, and health is vitally instrumental in creating sufficient cash flow and true abundance. Note: Proper sleep, nutrition and physical activity not only promote wellbeing, but also boost productivity! 

Aligning your expenditures with your values. 

Your bank statements and credit card statements are a reflection of your values from a financial perspective. You value your time, especially as your responsibilities expand. And unless you are living on passive income, you trade your time for money, even if you own a business and actively manage it. 

Spend some time each month reviewing your bank statements and credit card statements. Highlight any items of questionable value, especially if they are recurring monthly expenses for products and services that you rarely use, and consider cancelling them immediately. Bonus: this practice will also assist you in promptly identifying incorrect charges (e.g. duplicate billings) and fraudulent activity in your accounts.  

Even if you don’t want to look at your statements (for example, if you have debt or feel ashamed about how little you have) — shifting your practices can also help you shift your relationship with money in a favorable direction. Remember, not looking doesn’t shift anything in your life or your bank account. 

Financial Safety Nets  

Protect your most valuable cash flow producing asset (YOU). 

If you are unable to work, then you’re also unable to generate cash flow. One of the most effective ways to protect against this type of personal financial crisis is to have adequate disability insurance coverage. Policies vary regarding several factors, including: 

• Definition of disabled: e.g., unable to perform work in your chosen occupation vs. unable to perform work at any job.    
• Waiting period (amount of time before benefits begin). 
• Percentage of salary replaced (e.g., 60% of base salary). 
• Term of coverage (short-term policies typically pay up to one year whereas long-term policies may continue providing benefits until the disability ends or until retirement). 

Emergency Fund

Being able to tap into a cash reserve when unfavorable financial circumstances arise can mitigate the impact of financial and emotional stress (e.g., unemployment, home and auto repairs, medical expenses, and covering the waiting period for disability benefits). 

Bonus tip: Once you’ve accumulated enough cash to cover at least 6 months to one year of living expenses, consider allocating a portion of your emergency fund to take advantage of unforeseen opportunities!! I.e., an ‘Opportunity Fund’.

Minding Money Matters

Purposefully investing a portion of your monthly income in (a) your income producing abilities (e.g., expanding your professional skills with professional continuing education and attending conferences or launching a side hustle), and (b) your financial future (retirement plans). Regularly contributing to an employer-sponsored 401k plan or Individual Retirement Account (IRA) can help you save on taxes in the short term by deferring tax on a portion of your taxable wages and expediting the growth of your retirement assets by deferring taxes on investment income. 

Bonus Tips

Employer matching: Some employers match your 401k contributions up to a certain percentage of your salary (e.g., up to 6%). If your employer matches contributions to your 401k plan, then try to at least contribute enough to take advantage of the matching feature. It’s like receiving ‘free money’ toward your retirement. 

Index funds: These are mutual funds that track a benchmark like the S&P 500. The S&P 500 is a group of the 500 largest companies in the U.S. ranked by market capitalization (Shares Outstanding x Price per Share = Market Capitalization). 

Index funds are considered passive investing because they do not require investment analysis and stock picking skills to manage. By definition, these funds simply invest in stocks (or bonds) that make up the index that they track. Index funds also charge lower fees because they cost mutual fund companies less money to manage. 

And there’s more… index funds like the S&P 500 have historically generated higher returns than most actively managed mutual funds, whose objective is to outperform their respective index/benchmark. It’s like paying less for better results! 

Cognitive Biases: Being consciously aware of your core values and living in a way that respects those values can fast track your life toward ‘true abundance’. But even the most self-aware, well-intentioned person is susceptible to their cognitive biases including overconfidence bias and recency bias. 

Overconfidence Bias is the subjective perception that your knowledge, skills, judgment or abilities are greater than they truly (objectively) are. E.g., a study on overconfidence bias revealed that 93% of drivers claim to be above average. 

Left unchecked, overconfidence bias can cause you to make inaccurate evaluations and unfavorable decisions, especially for situations that require objectivity such as investing in the financial markets. E.g., you may practice at the elite level of your profession, but that level of professional excellence does not automatically translate into immediate expert proficiency investing in the financial markets. 

Develop a sharp awareness of your cognitive biases by noticing how these biases influence your thoughts, decisions and actions.

E.g., on a personal note, I sometimes catch myself being influenced by another cognitive bias, recency bias,while watching an episode of one of my favorite TV series including Billions and Game of Thrones. 

For the final season of Game of Thrones, HBO produced some episodes that were arguably on par with feature films in terms of writing and cinematography. As I watched these larger than life scenes play out in HD I’d notice myself exclaiming phrases like: “This is the best series ever!” and “The writers for this show are absolutely brilliant!” and “This is outstanding cinematography!!” 

Yet, a few weeks later I found myself making similar ‘best ever’ statements during the final episode of Billions, Season 4, especially as complex storylines intersected and lead to the ‘big reveal’: “That plot twist was awesome! These screenwriters are the best ever!!!”   

No harm done in the context of commenting on a TV series, but how could recency bias influence investing decisions when your hard-earned money is on the line? 

Recency Bias can cost you dearly if you make decisions involving significant long-term financial consequences based solely on recent circumstances, especially in markets in which you have little experience.  

Speculators who staked large portions of their assets on the rising Bitcoin trend in the autumn of 2017 experienced a reversal of fortune in 2018. After reaching all-time price highs near $20,000 in mid-December, Bitcoin prices began to decline in late December 2017 and continued on a downward trend to around $6,000 in 2018 and did not even rise above $10,000 (half the all-time price high) until the summer of 2019. 

By developing mindfulness in the context of your personal finances, prioritizing the care of your most valuable asset (you), and aligning your purchases with your values, you will gain confidence in managing your time and money in a way that serves your best interests. 

And as your confidence grows so will your belief that you can control your own destiny and gain the requisite resources for creating and experiencing true abundance throughout your journey. 

Buying Time

Due to the nature and location of our jobs, many of us generate income by exchanging most of our waking hours for a salary. As a result, commuting to and from work, time on the job, and addressing our other personal and professional responsibilities can leave little time for self-care and nurturing key relationships. 

But what if you could recover some of your valuable time by reversing the time-for-money paradigm? 

Specifically, you can use money to ‘buy time’ in little ways each week by delegating responsibilities like laundry, housekeeping, and dog walking. It’s like playing the role of CEO in running the business of you(i.e., your life). Successful business leaders ranging from small business owners to CEOs of major corporations leverage this principle every day. Even though they may be the ‘best suited’ to handle certain lower level tasks, they realize that it is not the best use of their time. So, they ‘buy time’ by hiring employees/independent contractors and investing in technology. Think about where you can buy back some time for yourself. 

When I was younger, I performed many tasks including landscaping, car washing and housekeeping. But now that I have significantly more family and professional responsibilities I decided that handling those tasks myself is simply not the best use of my time. Instead, I ‘buy time’ by delegating (paying someone to perform) those tasks and then allocate my ‘purchased time’ to relationships and experiences that I value. On a practical level, it also allows me to focus on areas where I can make more money and support others doing jobs that support me (actually both of us) — a win/win for all. 

Money can also cushion significant life transitions like career changes, parenting, or launching a business.

I saved and grew my investments during my 20’s to a point where I was able to pursue a career change (in health & wellness) in my early 30’s before returning to a career in finance. 

As you transition through various phases of your life, your definition and perception of ‘true abundance’ may evolve. Coincidentally, we live in a time where even money is evolving, from bills and coins, to digital currency to cryptocurrency. And while money will likely continue to have a place in our lives, keep in mind that it is merely a tool that has no intrinsic value — its value is only in what you exchange it for. 

As you pursue and experience ‘true abundance’, mindful money management can facilitate your ongoing journey of self-discovery, self-expression and meaningful connections. 

You may also enjoy reading How to Do What You Love and Make Money by Heather Nichols

The post True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning appeared first on BEST SELF.

With humor and refreshing candor, one woman faces off with our desires to ‘self-help’ — offering a new twist on ‘enoughness’ and authentic self-worth

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Around the time I realized that meditation brought me a sense of sustainable sanity and decided to quit dabbling and commit whole heartedly to my practice, I had a meeting with one of my mentors after a weekend-long retreat. We were seated at an outdoor cafe around the corner from the studio space. It was fall. We both ordered chai tea. I was feeling clear, steady, open-hearted and vulnerable after a weekend of practice. So clear and open-hearted that I decided that it was the perfect time to confess to my mentor that I was a terrible meditator and probably a horrible ‘spiritual’ person. 

For one, I shared, I’m the most judgmental person that I know. I love to gossip. I’m also bossy, or I like to be the boss, which makes it very hard to collaborate with others. Also I’m a perfectionist wracked with chronic self-doubt. I have a mean girl who lives inside my head, monitoring how other people perceive me and telling me all of the ways that I’m wrong. Sure, I have some good qualities. Great qualities, even. But what should I do about the bad ones? Did she have some sage words on how to fix my gnarlier bits or how to make them go away? My mentor sipped her chai, and looked across the table from me. 

“What if these aspects that you don’t like about yourself never change? Because truth be told, they may not.” 

I sat there, quiet and dumbfounded. It had never occurred to me that maybe I would always be judgmental with a streak of perfectionism. A part of me might always feel like a fraud. And maybe that was okay. Maybe my work was to make friends with the dodgy bits of who I am, my demons so to speak, rather than trying to continually fix, change and improve. I figured it was at least worth a try. The perpetual pursuit of improving myself was frankly, really exhausting. So I gave self-acceptance a try. 

Looking back, this conversation was an early seedling that became the roots of my new book, Tea and Cake With Demons: A Buddhist Guide to Feeling Worthy. As the name suggests, it’s an exploration of the parts of ourselves that we generally prefer not to look at: chronic self-doubt, shame, perfectionism jealously; all of the bits that we try to hide from others, or at the very least prefer not to talk about in polite company. I wanted to write a book that picked up where this conversation with my mentor left off by asking the question: 

What if our nasty habits, neuroses and difficult emotions are not obstacles on our path, but rather the path itself?

Through the lens of the core Buddhist teachings of the Four Noble Truths and resulting Eight Fold Path, this book was written as a guide to finding self-acceptance and our inherent worth by creating space for our demons to be seen, understood and integrated. By inviting them in for tea.

As a meditation teacher and coach I’ve found myself having conversations about self-doubt and self-worth a lot over the past decade. There is a shelf in my office that houses nearly one hundred notebooks, all packed with the words and stories of clients (mostly women) from over a dozen countries. Regardless of their socio-economic background, age, cultural origin, religious beliefs and life experiences, there is one common thread that has remained consistent in these stories: rampant self-doubt that frequently manifests in the quiet, persistent suspicion that they are not quite ‘enough’. 

Perhaps you can relate to the feeling of not being quite _____ enough. (Fill in the blank.) 

Attractive enough. Productive enough. Financially or socially affluent enough. Self-doubt is always ready to point out fresh evidence of how we are falling short. A large part of inviting our demons to tea is to notice how this feeling of lack manifests for us personally. What rises to the surface in the moments when you feel the most overwhelmed and under-resourced? It might be worth closing your eyes and really feeling into this question. 

What rises to the surface in the moments when you feel the most overwhelmed and under-resourced?

This is a pretty good indicator of our most prominent personal demon material. Another aspect of inviting our demons to tea is having the ability to zoom out and get a wide lens view of our cultural norms. What are the narratives that exist here? It’s no wonder that so many of us struggle with feeling ‘enough’ when we live in a society that profits from our continual scurry to acquire something better, faster, more.

Something that I’ve found personally helpful in the practice of accepting my gnarlier bits, inviting my demons to tea, is to notice where my thinking becomes rigid and binary. It’s likely that many of us default to binary thinking — again, it’s part of our cultural norm. Yes vs. No. Right vs. Wrong. For me vs. Against me. Delicious vs. Disgusting. It’s a natural human habit to classify the world by what we like and what we don’t. To judge our circumstances in a snap. To some extent this is a wonderful quality. We can judge on the binary very quickly ‘safe’ and ‘not safe’ which keeps us from walking out into traffic. However this binary thinking can very easily become the primary lens through which we see the world, including how we see ourselves. Either I am winning or I am failing. I am good or I am bad. This sets up a system of self-aggression that demonizes the aspects of ourselves that we deem to be bad, failing, wrong and in need of fixing. 

The practice of inviting our demons to tea challenges us to begin shifting to a more curious, inclusive and fluid way of thinking.

We’re asked to entertain the idea that perhaps we are not an ‘either-or’ binary but rather a ‘both-and’ process. The great Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki is rumored to have addressed a room full of his students by declaring “Each of you is perfect just the way that you are . . . and you can use a little improvement.” 

It’s the recognition that we are already complete, but not finished. Whole and also developing. Enough, and also still evolving. We are the brilliant wisdom bits and the gnarlier, neurotic demon bits all rolled into one. Accepting ourselves as ‘both-and’ is the key to stepping into our wholeness, and our fundamental worth. 

So what if these aspects that you don’t like about yourself never change? Because truth be told, they may not. You may always have dodgy bits. Demons. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe relaxing the urge to fix ourselves is the path to becoming really good friends with who we are. Every great fable has a fire-breathing monster that guards a vast amount of treasure. Sometimes we need a sword to defeat it. Sometimes we just invite it to have a seat at the table — and pour it a warm cup of tea. 

You may also enjoy reading Amazing Grace: Experiencing the extraordinary within the ordinary by Adyashanti

The post Inviting Your Demons to Tea: A Dance Between Self-Improvement & Self-Acceptance appeared first on BEST SELF.

A revamped spin on the Enneagram that helps us be our truest, enough-as-is, badass selves

—

Where does your knowing come from? 

Is it your gut that alerts you to information that others are oblivious to? Is it the wealth of information you’ve amassed through reading (and let’s be real here, it’s 2019, binge-Googling)? Or are you led by your emotional center, spurred on to both love and chaos by the tides of your feels? While clearly the lines blur because we’re human — I’d like you to consider the source. Most of us have a center from which we live and work, plan and play, dream and dramatize. 

We are quick to misunderstand those of us who ascribe to different knowledge centers. 

The gut folks are easily misread as paranoid or hasty. We like to imagine the information-gatherers as cold and remote. Feelings folks are deemed messy and flighty. I’d like to submit, for your consideration, that just maybe — we’re ALL right. 

I can feel the side-eyes on the back of my neck now, so let me explain. 

Let’s just try this on for size. What if there were three centers from which we as humans, know things? What if we could validate our individual journeys and pursuits because others have strengths where we have weaknesses, and vice versa? The Gut Center, the Mind Center and the Heart Center. And the BIG ‘what if’ — what if…we needed each other? 

The intuitive folks can sniff out dangers and possibilities the rest of us only fantasize about, turning our maybes into realities. The thinkers provide us with the stats; the cold hard facts that the rest of us are often too impatient to sniff out. The feelers make us human, reminding us of abstract and difficult things like love and connection — and how desperately we need them to make our lives worth living. 

The Enneagram is an ancient tool, a personality typing system. The nine-pointed Enneagram symbol represents nine distinct strategies for relating to the self, others and the world. I’ve given it a new twist and an overhaul — a revamped spin; new names and new catch phrases to help us be our truest, enough-as-is, bad-ass selves.

See below: 

• #1 The Machine: “I’m an Enneagram 1 and I Can Fix This!”
• #2 The Parent: “I’m an Enneagram 2 and Can I Get You a Refill?”
• #3 The Winner: “I’m an Enneagram 3 and All I Do Is Win.”
• #4 The Tortured Artist: “I’m an Enneagram 4 and I’m Deeper Than You.”
• #5 The Detective: “I’m an Enneagram 5 and I Read an Article About That.”
• #6 The Oracle: “I’m an Enneagram 6 and I’m Loyal as Fuck.”
• #7 The Party: “I’m an Enneagram 7 so This Might Be Vodka In My Mug.”
• #8 The Dragon: “I’m an Enneagram 8 so Nice Try, Bitch.”
• #9 The Wallflower: “I’m an Enneagram 9 so Let’s Just All Chill Out, Dude.”

What’s Your MILLENNEAGRAM type?

The Enneagram personality typology explores our recurring themes and coping mechanisms, providing us with a tool to reflect upon our innermost selves. Each personality type is given a number — there are nine types in total. MILLENNEAGRAMreinvigorates the Enneagram by putting a contemporary spin on the classic nine types:

[The following is excerpted from Millenneagram by Hannah Paasch, copyright 2019. Reprinted with permission from HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.]

An Excerpt from MILLENNEAGRAM

Self-help books abound. I swear, every day I see some new fix-it guide to getting your life back on track. As a connoisseur of inspiration — I love a good meaty Chicken Soup for the Soul, honey — I can tell you: most of them are gonna say the same old shit and just repackage it. Are there a few useful tidbits? Probably. Does it apply to you personally in any way? Probably not.

Enter the Enneagram.

Plainly put, the Enneagram is a personality typology that has a sneaky way of reflecting our innermost selves.

Each personality type is given a number— there are nine types in total— but you should view that number as a starting point, not as a label to pigeonhole you.

Maybe it would help to start at the beginning. The Enneagram symbol itself is ancient, but the Enneagram model of human personalities as we understand it today is from a guy named Oscar Ichazo, who was inspired by the expansive ideology of philosopher and teacher George Gurdjieff. Ichazo, also a philosopher, sorted nine distinct personality types out of Gurdjieff ’s spiritual system of the seven deadly sins, positing that we all have go-to passions, or coping mechanisms, that create recurring themes throughout our lives. For example, some people just can’t shake that they’re missing something everyone else has, and they’re pretty fuckin’ envious of those around them. (Hello, baby Fours, I see you.)

In the 1970s, famed psychiatrist Claudio Naranjo synthesized the Enneagram with modern psychology and called each of the types an “ego fixation.” That’s just a fancy term that means we all have systems of coping mechanisms that help us survive what comes our way in life, as well as assign value to ourselves.

Today, the Enneagram is a system for understanding the self that marries what we know about the mind and what we sense about the spiritual realm.

Just like how humans are half animal and half spirit, half concrete and half abstract, half learned and half unique, with one foot planted on the earth and the other leaping toward the stars — the Enneagram seeks to make sense of the wild, painful, glorious lives we lead.

I’ve been an Enneagram nerd since I first discovered it ten years ago, in my former life as a maudlin youth at a conservative Bible college. I still remember where I was when I discovered my number, because I got fucking pissed off. I was sitting in a Starbucks in downtown Chicago, reading an Enneagram book and trying to peg all my bland-ass seminary friends. I started in on the type Four chapter, and my first thought reading the description was Damn, these folks suck. Second thought? Fuck. That’s me, isn’tit? I slammed the book down on the table and broke into a really intense pensive window-staring sesh. How could Iof all people be some self-centered individualist? ME, dramatic? ME, tortured? AS IF.

When you read the words that call your bluff, everything changes. After I’d come to terms with being a Four and read every book I could get my hot little hands on about it, I was able to laugh at my ego fixations (that shit hates being laughed at, lemme tell you what) and chart a path forward, smoothing out brain ruts and old emotional wounds as I went. I was able to figure out why the fuck I was so annoyed with my closest friends, which made me feel less crazy, while learning a deeper, driving sense of compassion that defined my interactions with them going forward.

The Enneagram helped me figure my shit out. I’m gonna show you how it can help you too.

You may also enjoy reading Recipes for Self Love: Caring for Your Inner (and Outer) Feminist, by Alison Rachel

The post Millenneagram: A Badass Twist on an Ancient Tool of Self Discovery appeared first on BEST SELF.

Transforming an animal house of horror into a safe haven, an activist learns firsthand the healing powers of animals.

—

My journey began with a rubbery medium-rare steak in a New York City restaurant over a decade ago. As I complained about the lack of taste for this over-priced piece of meat on my plate — a friend merely pointed out that the mass-produced meat in America was to blame. This was when I was first introduced to the concept of ‘factory farming’. Prior, I had no mortal idea this world existed. To say that it left me with a bad taste in my mouth, would be an understatement. 

Like most Irish, I grew up on a meat and potato/bread heavy diet. Very clichéd, I know. In my young teenage years, I frequented fast food restaurants and would turn my nose up when a salad was put in front of me. I also consumed as much meat as possible, with the assumption that it would help me stay strong during my athletic years. And when I began to travel the world, the fancier the steakhouse or sushi bar, the more prestigious I felt. In my world, meat equaled wealth and health and I wanted to make sure I was flying that flag. 

The term factory farming stuck with me for quite some time.

I felt a little foolish I hadn’t known of this concept before — that I didn’t question where my food came from, that I took it all for granted.

Alas, the Internet is a beautiful thing and so I began researching factory farms.  

Something very profound happened that day. For the first time in my life I really questioned my entire self. I began to see the interconnectedness. As I poured through endless videos of factory farming, it quickly led to the horrific truths of the industry as a whole. For every article I read, I had 10 more questions that demanded the truth.The world I had known prior to that day totally flipped. 

I am an animal lover, yet I actively participate in the death of millions of animals?

This felt dishonest of me, that I wasn’t being true to myself. I couldn’t reconcile it. I care for all beings, no matter what they are. They all have a place, a purpose and a life to live — who am I to take that from them? Who am I to perpetuate suffering of any kind?

There was no turning back for me — no un-knowing. 

And so, I began to transition my lifestyle to align with my honest self. The pull to work directly with animals was quite strong for me. I felt a profound need to help them directly in any way I could. I found my place in animal sanctuaries and shelters, volunteering in my spare time — until spare time became full-time. In 2014, I made a huge move and left my job in NYC earning a six-figure salary to work on an animal sanctuary earning minimum wage. 

I can’t express to you how meaningless money felt to me in comparison to the mission at hand. 

There was no greater feeling than having the opportunity to live a lifestyle that aligned with my core beliefs and values.

Being able to work alongside these animals, to create bonds with those who suffered a great deal and to have them trust you with their lives is an immensely humbling experience. I felt a sense of responsibility towards these creatures to show people they are not just a product. They are in fact sentient beings that have emotions, develop friendships among themselves and humans alike. They have the ability to trust and love just like the cats and dogs we share our homes with.

It’s no secret that I am a private, some may even say, closed person. Those who first meet me get very little from me. Those who know me well, had to work for my friendship and trust. It’s not something I appreciate about myself or deliberately do, but I see it. We all have a piece of us we are working on, that is calling upon us — and I recognize that this is mine. 

I share this because something that struck me about working with animals is the sense of trust and forgiveness they give to us unconditionally, open-heartedly and without expectation or strings attached. I have seen animals come from the most horrific situations, barely alive, emaciated, beaten, souls broken — and I have watched and helped them regain trust in people once again. This always has, and still does give me a huge sense of hope for myself and my broken bits.  

The animals give me hope. 

I do truly believe we are a reflection of how we treat the environment around us. From how we treat people to animals and nature. What is on our plates is a core part of that. It is what we nourish our bodies with. It is literally how we survive. Why should I give that any less respect? 

This organically brought me full circle back to farming — and to looking at how this in turn affected the environment we live in. It’s no secret that animal agriculture is one of the major contributors to water, air and ground pollution on the planet. With so much staggering evidence, it was clear to me that I could do better — in fact, that I must do better. There was no other choice.

This windy journey ultimately led to my becoming the Managing Director at Arthur’s Acres Animal Sanctuary, a 77-acre property tucked away in Parksville, New York, two hours from NYC. Specializing in rescuing farmed animals, the sanctuary creates a safe place for animals to live the rest of their natural lives. In addition to this mission, they are actively working on becoming a self-sustainable property with aspirations of incorporating an educational program.

Though young, we are ambitious. We are dreamers and planet lovers willing to roll up our sleeves, walk the walk and talk the talk. The sanctuary is barely 6 months old with property that has a long road of infrastructure development ahead. Right now, we are all dedicated hands-on-deck trying to realize this vision.

Becoming a self-sustainable working farm is no easy task, but those of us involved are dedicated to giving back to the environment that we take from. 

We are a 501(c)3 non-profit, currently funded solely by private donations — and solely running on a volunteer workforce. Yes, it is being realized by our blood, sweat and tears equity — and deep passion and commitment. And people are responding because they care — and I think, because we all want to show up better for ourselves, for our animals and our planet. At the end of the day, when we lay our weary heads down on the pillow, we know we are doing our part to be the change we wish to see in the world. Find your calling, ask your questions and show up for that. You won’t regret it. 

I’d like to share some of the story behind first discovering what would become Arthur’s Acres.

But I warn you, some of the details are quite grim and disturbing. However, they need to be shared, nonetheless. 

When Todd Friedman (the founder) and I initially arrived to look at the property for sale, we learned that it had been previously used as some sort of farm-to-table facility. Pigs, goats, rabbits and other animals had been raised and slaughtered right there. 

I was initially quite disheartened at the thought of what had gone on in the past, but that very quickly turned into absolute horror as we explored further. We immediately came across the remains of animals, decomposing birds, cutting tools and bone saws. Blood stained the walls and the windows were barricaded, letting in no light. The smell of death and urine was so intense in some areas it was simply overwhelming. 

Sadly, that was just the beginning. Other animals, still alive, were left abandoned on the property. Birds roamed dehydrated, starved, and petrified. A rooster and a male peacock had befriended each other in an unlikely alliance in hopes of survival. It was so sad, yet beautiful to watch them together. Such delicate creatures left to fend for themselves. [Unfortunately, the peacock didn’t survive, but his friend the rooster not only survived, he lives with us and now goes by the name of Charlie]

Entering yet another filthy holding pen, we came upon a 3-month old piglet (Arthur) with no fresh food or water, totally alone. Surprisingly, this little warrior had no fear and approached us straight away. It’s hard not to get emotional in moments like these. It’s almost as if the stories of these innocent creatures flashed before your eyes — the neglect, the fear and the evil first-hand. Heartbreaking is almost too soft a word. 

And yet, in that same moment, both Todd and I knew this was the place. It was as if all the animals, past and present on the property, were calling to us for help — to stay, to transform and re-envision this property. Arthur was their face, their voice — and would become the poster boy for what is possible. And so, the journey began.

We named the sanctuary, rightfully so, after Arthur. Now it stands and thrives, no longer a negative place, but one with an abundance of love, kindness, positivity and compassion — once an animal house of horror, now a haven.

Arthur, who was the last pig to be threatened with death at this place, is the first pig to receive sanctuary here. The place where Arthur and Charlie were meant to die young and afraid — will be the place where they learn to live, to love, and be loved in return. He will welcome new friends, he will be a teacher, he will grow old here, and finally, he will die in his own bed surrounded by people who love him.

Interested in donating to Arthur’s Acres and sponsoring a ‘resident’? Donate here.

You may also enjoy The Truth About the Lies We’re Fed Interview with Vani Hari

The post Soul Food: A Journey to Animal Activism appeared first on BEST SELF.

Inspired by those locked away and too often forgotten, one woman shines light on incarcerated men through education, poetry and hope

—

I remember the first time I shut the classroom door behind me in a maximum-security men’s prison. I don’t remember it because it was frightening — it wasn’t. I remember it because I felt at home. I was in the right place. 

Between the chalkboard and the barred windows, I found 15 college students waiting for me. They opened their notebooks and we began our discussion. About five minutes later, there was a voice on the intercom. Somehow, two and a half hours had passed, and it was time for me to leave. I didn’t want to.

Those students wrote me papers about Erich Fromm’s ideas on disobedience, Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s deft use of Thomas Jefferson’s work, and MLK, Jr.’s rhetorical choices. One of my students started his college career writing about Plato’s cave in my class. He finished his coursework with a 100-page senior project about feminism and Shakespeare a few years later. 

That first class met almost 15 years ago. I’m still teaching in prison. Most people who do that will tell you what I’m about to:

Once you have engaged with these students, you don’t want to teach in a traditional college classroom. In prison, college propels powerful life changes that are hard to quantify.

When you have worked with students as mature and driven as these, students with this much torque on their education goals and this much commitment to the process, you don’t want to go back to students who enrolled in college because that’s “just what you do” (I count myself in that category).

We outside the barbed wire can forget that those within it are individuals with names, pasts, quirks, talents, families, emotions, bodies, transformations, futures — just like every other sentient being on this planet.

The notion that everyone behind bars is a monster; that they are all the same; that justice is being served by each unique person’s placement there; that they would never be productive/positive members of society; that they don’t wish to grow and change; that they don’t follow what’s going on in the world outside — these are dangerous myths. 

We like to believe that anyone we subjugate, human or non-human, is part of a nameless, faceless group that deserves what it gets. That lets us not care about injustice. It lets us be lazy. It makes it easier for us to continue ineffective, inefficient, oppressive systems.

I’m a poet, so to put it poetically: What a bunch of crap.

For many years, people would ask me if I was writing poems about prison. I wasn’t. I wasn’t there for writing fodder. But during a hiatus between one teaching gig and another, inspired by my many incarcerated and formerly-incarcerated friends and in homage to them, words began to flow. Of course, I draw on the experiences and philosophies of people I have known, but I could never speak for them: they are men who can speak for themselves. So, I created a fictional world, an imaginary prison populated by the voices of imaginary men. From that world, Visiting Days was born in April 2019. 

Visiting Days was published by Willow Books, a wonderful small press started by the Detroit-based Renaissance woman Heather Buchanan. Its poetry editor, Randall Horton, solicited the manuscript because he felt it was timely in the way it cast incarceration in poetry. Randall is a brilliant poet, and he’s also formerly incarcerated and understands as much as anyone does the damage that de-individualizing men and women does to them, their families, and society. Truthfully, I didn’t think I’d be a candidate for Willow because it has historically only published writers of color. I’m proud to be part of their roster.

I’ve had a wonderful time launching Visiting Days outside prison walls, but the most satisfying feedback has come from inside. I’ve sent the book to several men I know who are still incarcerated, and they in turn have shared it with others. The comments have been profoundly moving. One man I don’t know who borrowed the book wrote:

“It is enriching to know that there are still people who take the time to listen to us. We are often forgotten in here, with no outlet through which to express ourselves. I think that poetry is a great vehicle of expression, but there is often a traffic jam preventing any real communication. Seeing this book being published caused me to feel whole again, as if my voice could one day be worthy of being heard.”

Another commented:

“I ran through many emotions as I read Visiting Days because it seemed that I was reading my own thoughts and emotions put down on paper for me. There are just so many frustrations that I go through from not being able to express how I feel being in here for so long. Then here comes this book expressing those things.”

No responses have been more satisfying than these and ones like them, responses that connect these poems from an outsider directly to the voices inside. We feel each other’s individuality, which is of course how it should be. In the words of another Sing Sing reader:

“It’s about time that people stop forgetting about us and throwing away the keys. We are not all monsters. Some of us are good people who just need a second chance. We hurt and we feel happy. We fail and excel. We are vessels of potential, and that’s forgotten. Hopefully now it’s not.” 

I wish this didn’t need to be said, but it does: no one is more individual than anyone else, wherever they reside, whatever their pasts or contexts or stories or families.

What a world we’d have if we created societies with that in mind.

— 

Poems from Visiting Days

Prison labor is deservedly controversial. Several poems in the collection deal with this subject, including one that sees the desk welded by an incarcerated man in a prison workshop placed in the Freedom Tower — this is our ironic 21st century reality. Here’s one in the voice of someone working in a prison mattress shop: 

Ernest (Vocational)

“The materials produced by the Mattress Shop are standard items used in state and local facilities and universities throughout the state.”  — NYS Department of Corrections

Education is part of this. For instance: I had to get my GED.
And for instance: my work will lie under a student 
at Buffalo State. On my clothed buttons lie students 
about to get laid, students dreaming of books
and getting laid. Dreaming of stories and science. Never 
of their mattress. Never of its tufting machine operator, 
or tape edge operator, never of its felon. Its spring mattress 
assembler. Its twenty-to-life adhesive operator, cutting 
machine operator, conditional-release-2023 mattress 
sewing machine operator, its GED-2012 stuffing machine 
operator, its man. 

The poem “Knowledge” is inspired by someone I met who, like me, is an activist on behalf of non-human animals. This man, Intelligent, developed an anti-violence philosophy while incarcerated as part of his rehabilitation, and in doing so “extended his circle of compassion to include all living things,” as Albert Schweitzer urges. To Intelligent, violence is violence, whether it is to a man or a hen. He maintained a vegan lifestyle within prison walls, an enormous challenge. He’s since been released and continues his vegan activism. I wanted to honor him and his philosophy, and share his message of compassion:

Knowledge (East Wing)

I honor life by not taking it anymore. Not a fish’s life.
Not a calf’s. No one’s brother or child. 

I did violence. I put it between my teeth
and it formed my blood, and I took blood.

Now I eat what they ate in Eden before violence.
Now I ask forgiveness for the life I’ve taken

that wasn’t mine to take—the man, and the calves
and fishes, the chicks and their mothers. 

The cops laugh. Their work is domination.
They lord over, and some men on the block 

call themselves kings. But I am done with that,
in every soul of me, every body.

As regimented and oppressive as prison is, people can find ways to own their own lives and grow into themselves. One way is through reading and writing literature. One of the many people who have found themselves through poetry while incarcerated is Etheridge Knight. His poems in turn have influenced and solaced many. “Knight (East Wing)” includes several phrases from brilliant poems that Etheridge Knight wrote in prison. I wanted to honor Etheridge Knight’s enormous influence:

Knight (East Wing)

Poisoned water, poisoned sleep
ground under the heel of my pillow.
If I didn’t know your cell song,
I would think I tread the red
circle alone. 

But Etheridge, I found you
here, and I have rolled 
myself up in your night speech,
so I know something good
come out of prison.

And I have pressed against 
the western wall, so I know
you saw through stone.

It’s not visions in my cell,
never those. Tony hung
from his sheet and I see him.
I see the bars cut the tensed cloth
into pieces across from me.
But not as visions.

And I’d like to report to you,
Sir Knight who gifted me
a name:

Sometimes the wind rings 
in this ear and then the other, 
but this poetman will die
as trumpets.

Something good come out
of prison. 

Have you ever wanted to be alone with someone you love? Imagine that being impossible. For most people in prison, it’s just that. Of course, that’s the reality for the people they love who aren’t incarcerated, too: they’re being punished as well. “Ingrid” imagines a woman coming to visit her beloved in prison. She, like all visitors, arrives first and waits for him in a room full of couples and families, bearing witness to the reduction of relationships to these public, regimented, curtailed sessions:

Ingrid (Visiting room)

The woman who won’t shut up, the kid whose eyes cross, 
the couple old as Moses with their slip-on shoes and clear bag 
of dollars. We all go straight for the vending machines, Swiss 
steaks enrobed in plastic for her, Swiss & turkey sub for him,
must be something about the Alps. 

What if the guard told a joke that was funny? There was a jumble 
of high chairs in that corner when I got here, now just one 
facing the wall, the wall an under-the-sea mural, all of us fish 
in air. The choking poster rolls its eyes above the Bible table. 

Now the men come through, one of them you, and check in 
at the guard’s double chin, like everyone, like always, 
and like always for a moment I can’t look up.

The question of who is and who is not allowed to participate in society, to engage in citizenship, is on my mind a lot because it’s so clear that many of my students would be strong community members if given the opportunity. Here is a tribute to them:

Hawk (North Hall)

“You cannot promote free will… by extinguishing it.”  — Bruce Western

A whistling hollow passes 
as you pass another citizen
in the street. The whistling
hollow a dead soul makes, or
a me-shaped hole not
on its way to create
in the world. Not allowed
to create in the world.
And what will rush 
into that vacuum?

What if I am 
worthy, not danger.
I am denied you. And
you don’t know \
who you are
without me.

What if my will 
would bend
toward citizen.
What if I would do 
out there like you do.
Better.

—

You may also enjoy reading Life After Death Row: How Magick Saved My Life, by Damien Echols

The post Writing From The Inside Out: Incarceration Through The Lens Of Humanity appeared first on BEST SELF.

Once overweight and bullied, a Keto, fitness and supplement expert shares his journey of slaying emotional roadblocks and thriving

—

Growing up in the small town of Lenox, Massachusetts, I lived in a single-income home, was the son of an enlisted Navy father, and felt like I was often on the outside looking in on the wealthy and beautiful elite. You see, Lenox was a suburban tourist destination in the Berkshires that wealthy New Yorkers would visit to listen to the symphony at Tanglewood, watch plays at BPAC (Berkshire Performing Arts Center), hike at Canyon Ranch, and eat dessert at Cheesecake Charlies. Lenox had an air of affluence… heck, our school name was even pretentious—the ‘Lenox Millionaires,’ and I kid you not, the Monopoly guy was the mascot. 

To make matters worse, I was always the ‘fat kid’.

I was pretty smart, but when it came to sports in gym class and at recess, I was usually picked last. Girls never passed me letters, exchanged looks with me, or whispered to other girls about asking me out; nope, they would whisper the types of things to each other that made them laugh. And, of course, the popular boys would join in. 

I remember waiting at the school bus stop, dreading what the day would bring and the cruel things they would say… ‘Fat ass,’ ‘You fat fuck,’ Sit down fat ass’.

Even teachers would point out my weight and laugh — encouraging, if not instigating the bullying.  

I felt ugly. I struggled to find any self-worth. I was not the alpha male like Glenn Hoff, who was exceptionally good at every sport. I was not the boy the girls were hoping to ask them to dance or to the movies — that was Ryan Thomas, the tall, handsome soccer star and salutatorian.  

One thing I had going for me was that I was funny. Maybe that was my way of coping and deflecting the bullying. I got good at making people laugh, but there was a cost: my means of humor was always self-deprecating. Learning to make fun of myself — before others could was — my way of surviving, and in a strange way, connecting.

Medication of Choice: Junk Food

Deep down, I lived with pain. I didn’t take drugs, watch porn, or drink alcohol to soothe the aching. Instead, just a kid trying to make it in the 80’s,

I self-medicated with soda, candy, chips, junk food, and video games.

You guessed it, this only made my struggles with my obesity worse, and any short-term relief was fleeting, as it compounded the depression.  

On top of that, I had acne. And when I say I struggled with my weight, let me make something clear: I wasn’t just fat, I had a large rear end —fat ass, as they called me. Scientifically, it’s known as a ‘gynoid fat distribution,’ a ‘pear’ shape that’s more common among females than males. But that was me. Skinny up top, disproportionately fat in the butt and legs — so much so, in fact, that my legs would rub together. And the short shorts they gave me for gym class… well, they took the laughing from snickers to uproariously hilarity. 

I also lived in a chaotic, broken home — my two older brothers ran away in their early teens. I needed my big brothers, but I struggled on… alone. Somehow, I managed to earn good grades — despite little confidence, crappy nutrition, and relentless bullying. 

Fast forward to 1994, where two years after finishing high school, I found myself sitting in the office of Dr. Daniel Johnson, my physician, in Boston. I was there to get my physical before starting my junior year at Babson College, a top-ranked business specialty school in the Boston area. 

Around that time, I had really begun to focus on getting healthier, and I had finally started losing some weight. I had been reading bodybuilding magazines, taking supplements, and trying to eat better. I was rambling on to Dr. Johnson about supplements I had been using and how helpful they had been. I was telling him how I was seeing the difference with this brand-new supplement, creatine, as well as whey protein isolate. I told him I believed that this industry will gain scientific rigor, grow tremendously, and someday, people will rely more on supplements and diet than medication.

The 20-80 Rule

Instead of scoffing and being dismissive like most doctors would have been, Dr. Johnson looked at me, square in the eye, and listened to me share my passion, and what he did next not only stunned me, it changed my life.  

He quietly turned away, grabbed a piece of paper, and drew a line on it with two hash marks on each end, one at 20 (my age at the time) and one at 80. He said,

“Why not be happy between here and here” (referring to the 60-year span between the ‘dash’). 

I was dumbfounded. Reeling. Emotions swirling. Did he just give me permission to pursue my dream, a dream I didn’t realize I truly had until he pointed it out? He could tell that I wasn’t as thrilled about the business school as I was about nutrition and supplements. 

Mind you, this was before Instagram, Facebook, or even MySpace. We’re talking before Tony Robbins got popular, or Oprah hit her prime. At that time, no one in my life or around me on any level was encouraging me to ‘chase my dreams’.

And yet, here I was, feeling both free and overwhelmed with excitement all at once — all because a seemingly random person told me one thing — that I could pursue my dream. That ‘insignificant’ thing radically changed my life path. 

If you take nothing else from this story, remember this: 

You, too, with just a couple words — or even a simple gesture — can forever change someone’s destiny.

Dr. Johnson changed mine that day, and for that, I am eternally grateful. 

Now, I live by the ‘20-80 Rule,’ and what I mean by that is that I am truly living ‘the dash,’ just like the famous Linda Ellis poem (about the meaning of the dash on one’s headstone). It’s really not about the years in life, but life in your years!

Formulating my Future

To become the best supplement formulator was the dream of this former overly fat-reared, bullied kid. What does that even mean you ask? I dreamt of creating the world’s most effective, cutting-edge, talked-about supplements that were not only rooted in good science, but more importantly, changed lives. Supplements that made you feel better, helped you gain more muscle, and actually helped you lose unwanted fat — real, life-changing results, not just hyped-up, empty promises. I had learned that supplements could help me save my own life, and down the road, I envisioned myself saving countless others.  

What is a formulator, you ask? One who creates. 

It’s an art that’s part chemistry and part visionary. It’s an extremely niche dream, as there are maybe a couple hundred people on the planet — maybe — who formulate supplements for a living.  

The odds are already slim, but of that couple of hundred, to be the best — number one — it’s kind of a pipe dream. I told people about my crazy vision, and nearly every one of them laughed or shook it off.

“Be real,” they would say. Or, “Just go get a real job and stop running from the real world.”  

For some reason, Dr. Johnson’s opinion and encouragement was all that mattered; it was all that I needed to pursue my dream. What he shared with me that day and the way he shared it made sense, and my brain and heart wouldn’t let go of it.

Darkness Creeps In… Again

The next step was making it happen. That meant going back to school to get my Master’s in Nutrition. How do I do this, I thought? My parents had moved from Massachusetts to North Carolina while I was at Babson. If I believed in this dream, I would have to fund it myself, achieve it myself, and be my own inspiration. My top choice was UNC-Chapel Hill — the best of the best.  

To be accepted there, I would first need two straight years of sciences as prerequisites, and that led me to UNC-Greensboro where I visited a guidance counselor, let’s call him Mr. Smith (Honestly, I blocked his name out, but not his face). I told him with unrepressed zeal about becoming a sports nutritionist, a dietitian, and a supplement formulator, and I told him the school I wanted to attend to facilitate this. 

Before I even finished saying Chapel Hill, he said, “You would need 26 credit hours of straight sciences a semester — with labs. This is not doable, especially for a business student. Why don’t you pick something more realistic? You’re not even that fit, if I am being honest.” 

Devastated and angry, I left his office. 

I spent that day spinning and wondering why… why does no one else but me and Dr. Johnson, who barely knew me, see it?

Worse than that, I felt like this was a ‘now or never’ situation, and I didn’t get approved for financial aid.  It felt like I was going back to being that fat kid (though I was in much better shape than I was years ago) who was being bullied and would be sick for the rest of my life.  

For two days straight, I contemplated suicide — my dreams shattered and out of reach.  Ironically, the dream of capsules and pills was how I thought this nightmare might end as well… but not supplements. Instead, I looked at bottles of Tylenol and Aspirin and thought, “I will just take all of this, wash it down with some Pepe Lopez tequila, and slip out of this increasingly difficult world.  No one will miss me.  I am the ‘fat-ass fuck’ with a stupid, ‘unrealistic’ dream’.  I was in a new city. No family. No friends. Certainly, no interested girlfriends. Alone. My dream crushed. I was dead inside.

Self-Talk Meets Real-Talk

Contemplating those misery-ending bottles and having the guidance counselor’s voice play over and over in my head made me feel empty, untalented, and worthless.  

Then, Dr. Johnson’s voice came roaring in like a torrential summer thunderstorm in North Carolina. He not only gave me permission to dream big in the first place, on that night, he unknowingly might have saved my life.  

Echoing in my head (and finally drowning out that wretched, pathetic guidance counselor) was Dr. Johnson’s encouraging voice, “Why not be happy between here and here?” Yes. I will try. I will do it.  If I fail, I will revisit this idea of ending my life, but I felt I had this turning point of ‘now or never’ meets ‘why not’. I said to myself (literally out loud): 

Maybe, just maybe I can actually be happy.  It’s a shot in the dark, but I could… maybe.

I got up, put the bottles down, and emerged a man reinvigorated. I had gotten my spark back, and now it was time to fan those flames.

The next morning, I went into the office at UNC-Greensboro, put the full semester’s tuition on my credit card, and I went ‘all in’ with a double class load. Here’s what stared me in the face: Chemistry 1 & 2, Biology 1 & 2, Human Biochemistry, Plant Biochemistry, Nutrition, Exercise Physiology, Genetics, Anatomy, and more. For most students these days, that’s two, three, or even four semesters’ worth. Prerequisite classes to get into Chapel Hill were lengthy. I not only needed to take them, I had to ace them.  

Two years later, in 1999, I finished at UNC-Greensboro with exemplary grades, kept up that course load, and got accepted into the school I had dreamed of as part of my path to becoming a nutritional biochemist. 

One person sparked the flames of the inferno that was to become the World’s Greatest Formulator, and on the other hand, one person had the potential to be a crushing tidal wave trying to douse even the smallest spark of passion. You don’t think there is power in the things you say to others and the way you say them? 

You don’t think there is power in the things you say to yourself? Think again.

In 2001, I had nearly wrapped up my master’s degree at UNC-Chapel Hill. I was almost a nutritional biochemist and Registered Dietitian; I had only two and a half months to go. I was getting offers to work in hospitals as the Chief Clinical Dietitian, a lofty position coming out of school.  Physically, I was consistently working out five days a week, and I looked lean and fit. I finally looked the part.  People respected me, and for the first time in my life, girls were attracted to me. Maybe I can do this was giving way to I did do this! 

I Nearly Died

You know what’s crazy? It seems every time I’ve had a taste of success or overcome an obstacle, life hit back — another hurdle, another test. This time, it was mononucleosis — better known as ‘mono’ — which is usually caused by the Epstein-Barr virus. And while many know mono as ‘the kissing disease’, what many people don’t know is that Epstein-Barr can play a role in the development of auto-immune disease, which was beginning to shut me down.  

My liver was swollen and pushing on my ribs. I slept 23 hours a day. My throat was swollen shut. I could only drink liquids. I felt like I was dying. I mean this by no exaggeration. Depression came back with a vengeance, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.  Extreme fevers and shivering went on for days, then weeks. Although I’ve never gone through it myself, I suspect this is not too dissimilar to what it may feel like to go through extreme withdrawal. 

I was missing classes, but finishing my degree wasn’t my most pressing worry: I wasn’t sure I would even be alive another month. I couldn’t muster the energy to leave my apartment. I wasn’t eating a thing, and I was barely drinking.

The best I could do was get ‘online’ (by dial-up, believe it or not), and it’s a damn good thing I did. In my search for new ideas and solutions.

I began reading about a diet called the Ketogenic Diet. From what I read, it could help with auto-immune issues and inflammation…

…at least that was the word from some trailblazers on message boards. 

As I was able to begin eating some food, I decided to give this high-fat, very-low-carb approach a shot. I stopped buying processed foods — even the ‘healthy’ stuff, like ‘whole wheat’ breads, cereals, pastas, and the like — and kept to the outside ring of the grocery store where the whole, real food was.

Slowly, I started to regain strength, and with less than three weeks to go in the semester, my professors thankfully worked with me to help me stay on track. I finished up all my coursework and graduated. 

Despite that feather in my cap, the fatigue, muscle cramps, brain fog, and depression remained unbearable — as they would for the next two years.  

I continued to experiment with keto, on and off, from 2001-2003, and every time I strictly stuck to it, it seemed to help. As a matter of fact, as my body adapted and I became more active, I felt like I would see myself through all of this. 

As I was in ‘survival mode’ — I put my dream of formulating supplements on hold. 

While I was working fulltime in an uphill battle against chronic fatigue syndrome, brain fog, depression and fibromyalgia — the more I researched the ketogenic diet, nutritional ketosis, and ketone bodies — the more I became convinced that this was my solution to my health woes. I was turning the corner, and for once it seemed, the fans were flamed by the positive reinforcement around me. People who knew me online and in real life were inspired by my turnaround, and that was like a shot in the arm to me — creating greater drive and desire to get better so I could improve lives (including my own).

Advocate For Truth

I started getting back to my books, message boards, and research studies on dietary supplements, herbs, natural medicines, and tinctures. As I regained more and more strength, my evenings, weekends, and vacations would revolve around supplements.  

Having a dream gives you strength. Having purpose gives you the will to go on — tired or not. 

With my hospital and nursing home clinical practice experience, nutrition and biochemistry knowledge, personal struggles with weight which included an outright battle with autoimmunity — I felt empowered to serve others. Along those lines, I poured any ‘extra’ time into helping others on an anti-aging (LongeCity) message board as well as a board focused on sports and weight training (Bodybuilding.com).

I was an outspoken advocate for the truth, dispelling much of the marketing hype. I built up a reputation on the boards and started getting offers from reputable companies that appreciated my earnestness and knowledge. I had a Bachelor’s degree in Marketing and was accomplished in nutrition, so helping companies answer questions on their products, give advice to people trying to get healthier, and do product write-ups became a noteworthy ‘second career’.

I emerged as a significant player in the world of supplements as ‘ANDROGENIC’ (my message board name), which I chose because of the personal meaning it held: creating a better man. I was quickly becoming well-known throughout the industry. Of course, none of that paid much money, but that only fueled my desire to make this my primary job, as my reputation and respect grew in turn.

During that time, I also worked at two different GNCs and a place called Health Nutz in Monroe, North Carolina. I didn’t do it for the money — about $10 an hour — but rather, I loved looking at supplements, reading the labels, helping people understand them, and watching them achieve their goals when using them. 

Best of all, when those folks came back into the store, they only wanted to talk to me — to get my advice, my recommendations, my coaching. The response I was getting from the customers was powerful, and it was affirming. I was the go-to expert in the clinics and hospitals, online on the message boards, and in the retail shop. I was gaining momentum and positively impacting everything I touched because…

I had found the key to fulfillment: the marriage of passion and purpose. 

To level up my supplement and sports nutrition knowledge, I pursued and earned the prestigious CISSN (Certified Sports Nutritionist) credential through International Society of Sports Nutrition.

Doing the Right Thing

Things, however, weren’t all sunshine and rainbows. I was still experiencing nagging frustrations, particularly in hospitals and nursing homes, which are where I spent most of my ‘working hours’ as a Chief Clinical Dietitian. Despite being a Registered Dietitian (RD), Certified Sports Nutritionist (CISSN), and nutritional biochemist — who was an expert on food, nutrition, and supplements) — I could not order the diet or supplements I knew to be best per the research.

I was having to prescribe low-fat diets for people with heart disease, serve carbs all day long for type 2 diabetics, and on and on. If I didn’t follow Standard of Care (SOC), I could get sued, lose my license, lose my job, and be disgraced.  

We had auditors constantly combing through our notes and orders, and the pressure was real. I struggled with so much ambivalence — I knew I could do better; I knew I should do better. For example, the facilities often wanted to provide cheaper, low-quality protein — instead of a high-quality whey, which I would have chosen for people who were sarcopenic (losing muscle), infected, had pressure ulcers, and worse. 

I remember one conversation I had with the rounding physician where I wanted to put the residents on creatine to protect lean muscle mass. He said, “There’s no data on that. It’s not backed by science the way that medications are, which go through strict approval.” 

“There’s 500+ studies on creatine. 500! There’s a couple of studies on medications, and they’re often re-done several times just so they can show positive results and pass FDA scrutiny,” I refuted.  

Daily conversations and experiences like these made it clear that it was time to go out on my own so that I could make a greater impact, and more importantly, truly serve people. Little did I know that this epiphany was going to manifest within a week.

That Dream You’ve Had… It’s HERE… How Bad Do You Want It?

I was on a lunch break at a nursing home when I got a call on a hot and hazy North Carolina summer day while sitting in my car. On the other end of the phone, it was a recruiter, who said, “Shawn, I am looking to hire for this company in the Dallas area called Dymatize. They need a VP of R&D/Chief Science Officer there. Are you interested?” 

For me, this was like a small stage actor getting a call for the lead role in a Steven Spielberg movie! I said, Yes. Yes, sir. I am interested! 

Over the next three months, I went through nine rounds of interviews. I made it to the final round, and it was between me and a guy who had worked as a VP and C-level executive for companies like GNC and a slew of other massive supplement brands. On top of that, he was a published researcher, PhD, academic professor, had written book chapters, and had even been on TV. 

And then there was me — another guy who also worked at GNC… at a retail register. I fought for patients in the nursing home, and I was a hero on message boards, but I didn’t have his level of respect. It was a classic ‘David vs. Goliath’ matchup.

I finally got the call from my recruiter, who said, “Hey, Shawn, they decided to go with the other guy.” 

It made sense, given his resume — and I’ll be the first to say he was a rock star. Heck, I was in awe of him. Nevertheless, I felt dejected. There I was, so close to this incredible dream becoming a reality — the same dream my guidance counselor told me wasn’t ‘realistic’.

After a pause, the recruiter continued and boomed, “But I do have good news. They have a six-figure job waiting for you as Director of R&D, doing all of their formulations. This not only includes Dymatize’s products. They also private label for companies like Smoothie King, Advocare, GNC, and Vitamin Shoppe. Are you interested?” 

Shaking, both holding back tears and laughing, I boomed back, “Yes. Yes, I am. Let me talk to my wife about this.”

Did I tell you I got married? Shelley somehow stuck with me through the health issues and all the work — 50 hours/week in healthcare and another 30+ hours in GNC and small supplement companies doing marketing, answering questions, doing cited scientific write-ups, and so on. Five years into our marriage, I still hadn’t taken more than a weekend off and even that weekend was very, very rare — maybe once or twice a year. 

I was obsessive, but she understood. I sacrificed a great deal and so did she. She believed in me. 

She saw the man she loved go from his virtual deathbed with deep depression to a man with passion and purpose. I talked to her that evening and said, “Will you move from Charlotte to Dallas? I would probably have to work even harder than I am now. I need to prove myself in this industry.” 

And for the second time, Shelley said, “I do.” She gave me all the support I needed to take the next step in becoming a world class formulator.

This was it!

Dallas, Texas. 2011. I worked tirelessly at Dymatize. I’d come in at 7am and leave at 11pm. No one was going to outwork me. Why? THIS WAS IT. That’s why.  I would have been a fraud if I didn’t. This was the dream, yes, but it was just the beginning.

I became an Employee of the Year, got raises, and became an essential person in the executive meetings, driving all of the formulations and new directions of the products. In time, I became a fellow of the International Society of Sports Nutrition and an Editor of their academic journal, the Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition (JISSN). I was now a published author (in academic text books and peer-reviewed journals), presented research at conferences, had award-winning, best-selling supplements on the very same shelves of the retail store I formerly worked in (GNC) and the website that helped build my reputation (Bodybuilding.com).  

Everything was going my way, and I was playing in my very own field of dreams, until once again another nightmare emerged.

About two years into my job at Dymatize, I became sick again — fatigue, brain fog, depression. The same nasty cast of characters, and I wasn’t sure why. I had strayed from my ‘clean eating’ and keto protocols for about a year because I was so busy with work and travel. Stress was my norm, and even though I was a dietitian and sports nutritionist, I’m sad to say that I lived off Subway subs, pizza, M&Ms, diet Coke, and a laundry list of processed, fast, junk foods that are typical of the standard American diet.

There was something different this time, however. As I explained to my doctor, “These headaches are new. I’ve never had these headaches. There’s a pressure on my eyes that I can’t deal with. I have insomnia that seems to be getting worse by the day — despite my fatigue. I have zero libido as well.”  

We ended up getting an MRI and some blood work, and my doctor said soberly, “Son, you’ve got a pituitary adenoma, specifically a prolactinoma. It’s a brain tumor.Even though it’s not cancerous, the pituitary is critical for your brain and your body. Furthermore, your testosterone is basically non-existent, and your estrogen is sky-high. I will be honest and tell you that even though it is not cancerous now, you have a higher likelihood of developing cancer in the future.”  

Mentally, emotionally, and physically, it was yet another all-too-familiar moment that left me reeling and feeling fatalistic. 

Hurdle After Hurdle

I cried. I felt like every time I achieved something — tasted success, overcame an obstacle — something was taken away.  

I decided to go on an extremely strict ketogenic diet, and I started eating Paleo (as it was being called) again — focusing solely on real, whole foods. I got back in the gym five days a week, and I took my medication. 

Slowly but surely, this recipe worked for me. I started to crawl back in to a livable 16-hour work day.  I was thinking better, the headaches subsided, and my sleep improved. The follow-up scans looked great, and for the past seven years have remained the same.

With my new-found momentum, my experience continued.  

I had the opportunity to join a scientific dream team, along with Dr. Tim Ziegenfuss and Dr. Hector Lopez, and together, we patented TeaCrine and Dynamine, two of the most well-known and studied branded energy ingredients on the market. They are in more than 400 products worldwide including pre-workouts, energy drinks, nootropics (brain boosters), and fat burners. Nearly 20 studies have been done showing they are safe and effective. It’s quite a legacy.

Further, natural supplements superstar, BioTrust Nutrition, sought me out. Co-founder Josh Bezoni said, “We want the best. I have one person on my list, and it’s you. You are the one!” Joel Marion, the other co-founder, called me “the LeBron James of supplements.” These men are worth hundreds of millions, and they sought me out.

I accepted and became their Chief Science Officer, leading R&D, Quality Control, Regulatory, and Branding for BioTrust, which went on to more than double in size and revenue. It was a wild ride for BioTrust, and along with a great team, I played a tremendous role in the rocket ship growth and disruption of the industry. 

This once laughed-at kid from Lenox, Massachusetts had achieved what was thought to be impossible and it felt good!

You CAN Change Lives

In 2017, I got a message on Facebook from a woman who said she’d been following me for years and loved the information I put out. I thanked her, yet I could sense there was more to the messaging than simply acknowledging my content and compassion.  

She proceeded to tell me she had been taken off chemotherapy and radiation by her oncologist, and she had six weeks to live with her glioblastoma multiforme (GBM), which is a deadly brain tumor, and in her case, it had taken over about 40-50% of her brain. 

She said, “I will be buried in the ground in a little over a month. Can you help me?” 

I told her, “I am not a doctor, while I cannot give you medical advice, I can tell you what I would do in your situation. But before doing anything, consult your physician first.” 

I told her a series of things I would do if I faced similar circumstances:  

• Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT)
• Strict Keto (no net carbs, cyclical or targeted)
• IV Vitamin C twice a week
• 16-8 Time-Restricted Feeding/Fasting (she was obese and was a junk-food junkie, just like I used to be) — This means 16-hour window not eating and 8 hour window to eat.
• Paleo (whole foods only, avoiding sugar, processed foods, and allergens)
• Supplements for inflammation, like CBD and curcumin
• Mitochondrial health supplements like CoQ10 and PQQ
• Things that further raise ketones like exogenous ketone supplements and C8 MCTs
• Creatine and active B-vitamins like methylcobalamin (active B12) and 5-Methyltetrahydrofolate (active folate) for methylation

She messaged me a few times telling me she told her doctor, but he didn’t seem to care too much — almost as if it was all superfluous. After all, none of it compared to drugs or radiation (in his mind).  

Well, six weeks later — she was the one laughing after she had her brain scanned again.

“Shawn… SHAWN… 80-90% reduction in my tumor… I am supposed to be buried in the ground, and I am living. I am ALIVE!” 

I knew what I knew was powerful, but wow. Seriously WOW! “So, at any point, did any doctor talk to you about keto or any of the things I mentioned,” I asked her. “No one ever mentioned any of it,” she replied, still exuding joy over simply being alive!

This was validation: Now more than ever, I was so sure of my purpose.

From Fat Ass to Badass

My home and lab are now countless shelves that have hundreds of supplements, bags of powders, oils, and various beakers and devices. 

I’ve been ‘biohacking’ myself for decades, which is the process of making changes to your lifestyle in order to ‘hack’ your body’s biology and feel your best. 

I use PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic fields), blue-light devices (in the morning), blue-light blockers (at night), NAD+ infusions, stem cells, supplements, medications, meditation, fitness and sleep trackers, and much more. It’s a story that I myself struggle to believe.  

Over 20 years ago, I dreamed it. Now I am driving teams that help supplement companies through rebranding acquisition in the supplement space (Kwired), creating novel ingredients with patents (World’s Greatest Ingredients and Ortho-Nutra), and formulating the best products in the world (Zone Halo Research).

I have presented at nearly 50 conferences, formulated 500 products, patented several ingredients, published research, written chapters in textbooks, been a guest expert on a weekly national radio for six years (One Life Radio), been a guest on more than 100 podcasts of some of the most elite shows in the country (e.g. Ben Greenfield), I’ve spoken in nearly every state as well as internationally in countries like Brazil, China, England, and more.  

I’ve been a worldwide advocate for keto for 20 years, and I’ve watched it go from, “Why aren’t you eating the bun?” to the most popular diet trend in the world. I am now known throughout the industry as the most elite name in supplements. I’ve been dubbed the ‘World’s Greatest Formulator’.

I did it. I really did it. I achieved that ‘unrealistic’ dream.  

I didn’t do it alone though. I had so much help from people who inspired me, both directly or indirectly. I modeled them, worked for them, was mentored by them, and teamed up with them. 

Hundreds of names could be listed here, but Dr. Rob Wildman, Dr. Hector Lopez, Dr. Tim Ziegenfuss, Dr. Jose Antonio, Dr. Jacob Wilson, Dr. Ryan Lowery, Michael Casid, Josh Bezoni, Joel Marion, Dr. Ralf Jaeger, Dr. Martin Purpura, Todd Tzeng, Ben Greenfield, Ben Pakulski, Kylin Liao, and Jaime-Lee Fraser are some of my mentors, employers, and business partners.  Lewis Howes, Aubrey Marcus, Chris Winfield, Jen Gottlieb and Brent Sutherland have taught me a great deal and inspired my path as well with high-level masterminds and accountability. My brothers, Russ and Randy, my mother and father, Bob and Donna get recognition and love on my journey. And of course, my wife, Shelley, who believed in me and supported me despite my seemingly irrational focus on being the ‘World’s Greatest Formulator’. 

Practically every day I am sent products from people wanting me to try or approve their ‘dream’ products. I’m not saying any of this for ego or self-promotion.  

I’m saying that unwavering desire and focus can make anything possible.

I continue, not only having achieved my dream, but far surpassing it. The dream is now evolving, as I do. From ‘fat ass’ to ‘badass’, I am proud of who I’ve become, and even more, the lives I’ve touched.

That said, thanks are in order. Thank you to the thousands of patients, customers, readers, listeners, and viewers who have supported me and let me educate and help them. Thank you to Don Miguel Ruiz for writing the incredibly impactful book The Four Agreements, which freed me from self-torment. Thank you to the guidance counselor who told me I couldn’t do it; seriously, it strengthened my resolve. Thank you to that one rogue doctor who took an extra minute to encourage me, and without a thought, provided me that one kind act, that one drawing… I would have never pursued my dream, much less achieved it. Lastly, I am grateful for the illnesses I have struggled with many times in my life. Each bout strengthened my resolve and will to battle. Without that, I would never have my passion, care like I do, or connect deeply with anyone else fighting their own battles. I am blessed and thank you to you for having read my story… and you’re now a part of it. 

You may also enjoy reading Adapt, Heal & Thrive: A Q&A with Dr. Chad Woodard by Bill Miles

The post Against All Odds: A Story of Triumph, Perseverance, Healing and Service appeared first on BEST SELF.

An End of Life Doula imparts the beauty, grace, and impact of participating in your dying plan and legacy

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As we think about life, we must think about death. As we think about death, we must think about life.

Life and death go hand in hand. At the end of life, we hear the question, “How do you want to be remembered?” Often, the answer is: I wish I had done _________, taken that trip, should have done _________, should have called or spoken to __________. It’s often about our regrets versus our accomplishments. Does this sound familiar?

We all have choices to live life fully now as if we are experiencing our last breath this moment. Ugh. Who wants to think of that — and why would I want to think about death?

The funny thing is — we are all going to die. Ok, maybe not funny, yet true. Our bodies come with an expiration date even though we are not aware of it. We are not designed to live forever. This is fact, yet so few of us admit this and prepare or even know we have choices and can make a plan. This PLAN is similar to vacation plans or retirement plans as it takes some thought. 

Every living thing dies, or does it? Perhaps it dies in its existing body to transform and nourish something else, so it may thrive.

Think of leaves falling off the tree and providing nourishment for the plants below them.

Think of the beautiful butterfly. It goes through many stages; egg, larvae (caterpillar), pupa (chrysalis), and finally emerges transformed into a free and beautiful butterfly. Imagine, being that butterfly. We begin as a seed, have our resting state of 9 months and emerge transformed into a little person capable of breathing on our own. 

Suppose for a moment, we continue to do the same as the butterfly. We traverse through life much the same although we make many more choices and create many possibilities. We live our lives nourishing ourselves with food, learning and loving and moving along to then enter into a resting state before transforming into a new way of being — leaving the old behind. 

I experienced this when I decided to leave my home I knew so well, to embark on a new adventure all the way across country from Boston to central coast California. I knew no one here, yet the possibility of living in a carefree, warm, sunny environment called to me — beckoning me away from the fear of the unknown. It was in this new place that I discovered I wanted to write some sort of book, though I had no idea what type. 

It was also at this time that I answered a 3-sentence newspaper ad about training to become a hospice volunteer. Something stirred inside me, so I heeded the call. Go where you are being called. It is the place where the unexpected gifts await.

Many of those hospice clients would teach me much about life, patience, the importance of being present and caring for another person — and of death.

It was because of those experiences and interactions that I commenced my End of Life Doula training. 

A birth Doula is a non-medical person who assists the mother before, during and after childbirth providing emotional support. An End of Life Doula is an advocate for the dying person, making sure their wishes are followed and provides support to their family during this time of transition and often emotional upheaval. An End of Life Doula also assists with the creation of Legacy Projects, transition rooms and end of life plans.

Designing Legacy Projects celebrating a person’s life can bring a family together in the most momentous way. Especially when organizing scrapbooks of favorite vacations spent together, reminding everyone of happy times where there may be have been dissention before. Other ideas of projects may be a video sharing memories of your life, writing letters to family members and friends, also to those unborn to share your dreams of life for them. Perhaps it’s a scroll or book with your favorite poems or recipes you loved to make. Meaningful conversations can be shared with music and dancing surrounding the dying person. Hearing is the last sense to leave the body, therefore, although the person is lying unresponsive — they can hear. 

Another decision to be made is where you want to be: hospital, care facility, or home — and what you want your room to look like, feel like, smell like.

Yes, you have choices. You can have your favorite flowers, your favorite scent, perhaps lavender, a special pillow or blanket. Lights can be dimmed, machines can be muted or turned off. Since hearing is our last sense to leave, having your favorite music playing can be quite soothing not just for you, but for your visitors as well. Create some visualizations that can be recorded and played for you or ones that someone can read/share with you of your favorite places. 

The body knows how to die

Sometimes, the mind interrupts the process as it believes it has to keep us alive. I have witnessed the difference providing a visualization has on the body’s breathing and peacefulness because the mind has something else to do. Rapid breathing, twitching, gasping all have been relieved once visualizations and music are introduced. The mind focuses on the visualization and music and not on the body. This allows the breathing to be slower, twitching to subside and even gurgling to lessen all without medication. Sometimes the use of some, low dose medication is necessary, however, medication can disrupt the dying process and transition because it interrupts the flow of life into death into whatever is next. I imagine the spirit/soul leaves the body before any discomfort may come from the dying process, therefore, there is no pain.

Each person who dies in our life is our teacher and provides us with many lessons. Sometimes it’s how to live life differently, more fully, or to replicate their dying experience or make sure we have a much more peaceful transition. Or perhaps we are being called to make amends with people while we are able, to bring more meaning and love into our life, to take that special vacation now instead of waiting, or skydive or write that book, or become healthy.

Maybe even plan for your death.

There are choices to be made at our end of life. Where do we die? What do we want our room to look like? What music, poems, books, visualizations do you want to hear? Who do you want/not want to visit you?  What memories do you want shared? And then the decisions about what happens once you die — will there be a funeral, will you be buried or cremated, what will be done with your ashes? What type of celebration do you want? 

I recommend having your celebration while you are alive, so you can attend.

James Burrows was given a tribute having aired his 1,000 shows (James writes comedy, Friends for example) and stated during his thank you speech, he was pleased his tribute had taken place while he was still alive so he could enjoy it and thank everyone who contributed in person. Great idea!

The more preparation and choices you make, the less your family members and friends will have to. The guess work and possible dissention among family members can be alleviated. 

I feel one of the greatest gifts we can give to our loved ones are conversations regarding dying and death. Death is one thing other than taxes we are guaranteed of while we are living, yet so many people don’t discuss it. The subject of death is as taboo as religion and politics.

What are we afraid of? I agree, the unknown can be scary, so by having a plan, the unknown becomes a little more known and instead of doom, maybe, just maybe we become curious about the mystery of what may lie beyond this dimension. Honestly, not having these types of conversations terrifies me more than having them.  

The Conversation Catch 22

Often times, the person who is dying wants to discuss death and what may be beyond, yet refrains from doing so as to not upset their family members. Often the family members want to discuss death and are afraid of upsetting the dying person. All this angst can be eliminated by looking at death yourself and defining what it means to you. Then by discussing your feelings, you open the door for the person who is dying to share their thoughts. Be respectful of what they say as there is no right/wrong, good/ bad way to think about dying and death. 

Many doctors are in the business of keeping us alive at all costs, so they are not comfortable discussing death either.

I recommend you find someone you can have these conversations with as I believe they are important and a necessary part of life.

Another great gift you can give to the person who is dying besides music and visualizations is your PRESENCE! By Presence, not just being there physically, I mean being PRESENT, leaving all drama, bad day experiences, at the door and being totally with that person. Share your vacation plans, new job, new home, stories with them. This provides them with peace of mind knowing you are moving on and taking care of yourself.

Your Legacy

Preparing and executing a death plan allows people to reflect on their lives, their accomplishments, their highlights which in turn can be shared with friends and family. This is called your legacy, something I highly recommend — a life in review. If there are things you want to do, do them now. Make that phone call, give that forgiveness! What are you waiting for? There may never be a better time. Creating this legacy now also provides information, pictures for your celebration before or after your end of life and no one has to scramble to put things together. I also encourage people to write their own obituary. Who knows you better than you know yourself? What do you want people to know about you?

Creating a plan stating your choices and contemplating a different perspective about dying and death can alter the experience from one of morbidity, to one of ease and grace.

Death, like birth, is a beautiful experience to behold. I believe we die in this body only to be reborn again.

You may also enjoy reading Doing Death Differently: Embracing the Home Funeral by Kelly Notaras

The post End Game: How To Do It Your Way (Yes, Even Dying) appeared first on BEST SELF.

A conversation with spiritual explorer William Buhlman

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William Buhlman is a man on a mission.

“I had this wild belief back in the ‘90s that if everybody could have an out-of-body experience, the whole planet would change,” he says by phone from Faber, Virginia, where he has just completed a workshop on intensive out-of-body experience. “It would shift the consciousness of the planet, the ‘hundredth monkey’ thing.”

But as he taught and wrote about the phenomenon of out-of-body experiences, or OBEs, he met with resistance. “Then I realized that’s not going to happen. People are too entrenched in their beliefs. So you do what you can do. Get the information out and try to make it understandable, because some of this information is so beyond people that you have to spoon-feed it. I can’t walk up to people and say, ‘You’re not human. You’re a multidimensional being.’ They think you’re a nut job.”

When William Buhlman was a sophomore at the University of Maryland, a childhood buddy told him about having a spontaneous out-of-body experience, during which he woke from sleep and suddenly found himself floating above his bed, looking down at his dormant body below.

Excited by his friend’s account, Buhlman decided that if his friend could do it, he could do it.

It was the early 1970s and there were few books on the subject. However, he did find one book that suggested using ‘targets’ onto which to direct your attention as a way of urging the mind to separate from your physical body. The book also suggested that you had to try this for at least 30 days to have any chance of actually separating your consciousness — what some might call the mind, but as distinct from the brain — from the physical body.

“I chose some things I had made for my mother — a metal ashtray, a wooden doorstop, a watercolor of the ocean — really silly stuff, child art,” Buhlman says now. “I was dedicated, doing this every night, and as you do it you get better at visualizing. I would imagine myself walking around my mother’s home touching these objects. In retrospect, this is important because you end up focusing your consciousness away from your body just as your body is drifting into the altered state we call sleep.”

Nothing dramatic happened for the first three weeks and he was about to give up, but on the twenty-fifth day he had a strange dream that he was sitting at a round table with several people. “They all seemed to be asking me questions related to my self-development and state of consciousness. At that moment in the dream I began to feel extremely dizzy, and a strange numbness, like from Novocain, began to spread throughout my body. Unable to keep my head up in the dream, I passed out, hitting my head on the table. Instantly I was awake, fully conscious, lying on my side in a small single bed facing the wall. I reached out my arm — and my arm actually entered the wall,” he says.

“I could feel the vibrational energy of it as if I was touching its very molecular structure. That’s when it hit me…’

“I tried to stay calm. And the next thing I know, I’m standing at the foot of my bed, obviously out of my body. I thought, Oh my God, I did it! I started looking around and I was aware that I could see beyond the walls of the room.”

What Buhlman saw next was even more astonishing than the sight of his own slumbering body: the figure of a man with dark hair and a beard in a purple robe who seemed to be observing him. “His presence scared me, and I instantly ‘snapped back’ into my physical body. That strange feeling of numbness and tingling faded as I opened my eyes. It was brief but life-changing because it changed my entire outlook on reality.”

In the forty-five or so years since that first experience, Buhlman developed what some might view as an anomaly into a highly nuanced skill. He discovered that he didn’t even have to wait for nighttime. Coming home from classes around midday, he would lie down, start his target techniques and get results. “I was having a lot of out-of-body experiences, as many as four times a week. And they were just mind-blowing. I was walking through walls.’

“And I went through this whole long sequence of discovering it’s a vast multidimensional universe and we have the ability to explore it firsthand.”

Searching for more advanced books on the subject, Buhlman came across the work of Paul Twitchell, a freelance journalist and seeker from Kentucky who in 1965 had founded an anomalous American spiritual sect he called Eckankar. Here Buhlman’s story intersects with my own. During the late 1980s, a jazz drummer I met by chance introduced me to Eckankar, and I became involved in what Twitchell’s numerous books called “The Science of Soul Travel.” The goal of the practice was to learn to monitor and ultimately become consciously awake in your dreams. Beyond that, things got a bit hazy. Eckankar was the very definition of a syncretic religion, combining aspects of Sufi and Christian love teachings with beliefs and terminology based on a Sikh tradition known as Sant Mat and its practice of Surat Shabda Yoga.

I never achieved the highest goal of Eckankar, to be instructed while in the dream state by the Living Eck Master — originally Twitchell himself and by my time an unassuming gent named Harold Klemp. But I did learn to keep a detailed dream journal and later recognized that I’d had a number of spectacular lucid dreams, learning what they were called only after reading Stephen LaBerge’s and Patricia Garfield’s ground-breaking books on the subject. Buhlman became involved in Eckankar earlier than I did and even led his own Satang, or spiritual group, enjoying the camaraderie because they were the only people he knew with whom he could talk about out-of-body experiences or astral projection without being thought of as a freak.

I confessed to Buhlman that not only had I never succeeded in meeting the Living Eck Master in my dreams (neither did he), but also that the first time I had an out-of-body experience was when I smoked DMT (Dimethayltryptamine) at the age of 18. In the summer of 1965, I’d never smoked anything stronger than a Gauloise, and the parsley flakes on which the psychoactive chemical was sprayed looked innocent enough. One minute I was sitting in my car with my friend Randy, puffing on a cheap corn-cob pipe stuffed with parsley, and in the next instant I was outside the car looking in through the windshield at Randy and me. Some 25 years later, while researching a book on spiritual experience, I had several more brief OBEs when I shared ayahuasca with a Brazilian sect called Santo Daime. (Curiously, DMT is believed to be an active ingredient in ayahuasca.) As a result, I know that OBEs are real, even though I haven’t been able to replicate one on my own since then.

“It’s not easy, just so you know,” Buhlman says in response to my confession. “I must have had 50 to 80 OBEs before I could understand the nature of what was going on. It took me two years at least before I started to break out of our mold.

When I started to prolong my OBEs I discovered that you can live an entire life in five or six minutes.

After a time, I would be out of body for half an hour. But it’s like meditation. How long you meditate means nothing. Then you start to internally change your self-concept. Suddenly you know things. You feel you are exteriorizing. But there’s only one path — the inward path.”

William Buhlman on OBEs at a Monroe Institute Professional Seminar, 2014

That’s a path that Buhlman has worn ragged since his first conscious OBE nearly half a century ago, including entry into dimensions of which he was previously unaware. In 2011, Buhlman was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 cancer of the tonsil that spread to his lymph nodes. In Adventures in the Afterlife, he writes of his seven-month ordeal with cancer: “The burning question of what occurs after this life inspired my exploration of the afterlife. My lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences provided mind-bending visions that stunned me to the core.” He encountered his deceased mother, who looked much younger and more vibrant than when she died. She led him through a vision of the afterlife that he wrote about in that book in fictionalized form.

“At its core, an OBE is a transition of consciousness inward, from your physical body to some level of your nonphysical self…’

“Then some people experience it as an exteriorization in which they experience their environment from another locale. But it’s all an inner journey. There’s a vibrational change at each level. Density and vibration go hand-in-hand and allow us to move inward so that we can begin to experience these other dimensional realities. Heaven is here. Everything is here now. That was the beauty of the ancient yogis; they began to teach people how to go inward. But people feel the need to attach themselves to an established philosophy, and we forget that consciousness pre-existed all the religions on this planet. Religions come and go. The worship of Athena was a huge religion for a thousand years.”

Realizing that his consciousness had separated from his physical body was, in itself, enormously exciting at first. But as time went on and he experimented further, Buhlman started to go deeper and deeper. “It takes a while to get in deeper and develop the skills,” he says now. “During one of my most important explorations, I began to realize that I was losing all humanoid form. I looked down and began to see that my arms and legs were dissolving. I realized that I wasn’t even a human. Our entire civilization is based on the fact that we’re all biological human beings! It became clear to me that that’s false. I started to question whether everything I learned from childhood is a lie. And then you have to integrate that, and learn how to fit in and play the game of being human. I think that’s what Buddha went through, too.”

As discomfiting as Buhlman’s statement sounds, it recalled to me something the renowned Buddhist scholar Alan Wallace once said about engaging in prolonged deep meditation: that after weeks of meditating for as much as 10 hours a day, he came to a state of mind that he said was ‘not human’.

But what do they mean by this? Isn’t the point of meditation and spiritual practices of all kinds, including conscious OBEs, to realize our humanity at the deepest, or highest, level?

To my mind, it’s actually reassuring rather than disturbing to know that at our core we possess an identity that doesn’t rely on the flimsy vehicle of a human body and our even flimsier brain.

Startling but compelling evidence has been compiled over the past half-century, especially by Dr. Ian Stevenson and his colleagues at the University of Virginia’s Division of Perceptual Studies, that rebirth is real and that we have lived prior lifetimes, even if most of us don’t consciously remember. According to most channeled accounts of the afterlife, spirit beings can take on any form they choose, and often appear as human to put the rest of us at ease. Buhlman calls this state of being ‘thought-responsive’ because nonphysical beings, including humans when out-of-body, simply have to visualize a place to go there, or visualize a physical environment to manifest it, including how they appear to others.

Raised a Lutheran, Buhlman doesn’t put any faith in traditional religions. And yet, he believes that the great spiritual masters and founders of the world’s religions had out-of-body experiences that showed them the multidimensional nature of the universe. He names St. Paul’s conversion on the road to Damascus; Muhammad’s night flight “through seven heavens or dimensions”; and the Buddha’s enlightenment under the Bodhi tree as just three examples. “All religions talk about some experience of the founder that lit them up and they became teachers,” he says.

“It all begins with a person’s profound inward journey of consciousness to places that were beyond the body.”

Unfortunately, he adds, “In many cases the followers of enlightened people like Buddha and Jesus were not enlightened. They were trying to make sense of what the leader communicated, and then it ends up being distorted, generation after generation, until you end up with something like Catholicism, which is completely fear-based. That’s not what the original teaching was. The original teaching was ‘Love they neighbor’ and ‘Do unto others.’”

An equal-opportunity skeptic, Buhlman is also dissatisfied with the Theosophical concept, promoted by Madame Blavatsky and others, of seven-dimensional space, which he finds to be “totally inaccurate,” having experienced many more dimensions than that himself. Yet for all his distrust of institutional belief systems, Buhlman does find a lot to like about some of the practices of Tibetan Buddhism, particularly the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the extraordinary guide to making the transition from death to the afterlife and back through rebirth. Also known by its Tibetan title of Bardo Tödol Chenmo, or “The Great Liberation through Hearing in the Between,” the text was designed to help guide spirits of the departed through their transition from this dimension to the next. The text sounds somewhat obscure today, and although Buhlman finds its basic premise absolutely essential, he also thinks the tradition of chanting the lengthy text for 49 days after death is unrealistic.

“When you die, there’s no time!” he says with a trace of exasperation. “That’s a belief system and unfortunately becomes engrained in people’s minds. It’s the same thing in every religion now, and that’s why I’m not a member of any of them. I appreciate some of the things in Buddhism in general. I love the Eightfold Path, but you have to be discerning.”

The eternally compelling question of what happens at — and after — death has become more important for Buhlman than simply the ability to explore other dimensions of consciousness. He accepts the fact that consciousness can exist separately from the brain — still a point of argument for most materialist scientists and atheists like Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins. Because our consciousness will continue after our body dies, we need to know how to navigate nonphysical consciousness without the equivalent of a GPS. If you can’t learn to initiate a conscious OBE, he recommends meditation, lucid dreaming, shamanic journeys, even entheogenic sacraments including ayahuasca.

Given the aging population of baby boomers, this would appear to be a valuable line of research. In The Secret of the Soul: Using Out-of-Body Experiences to Understand Our True Nature, and his most recent book, Higher Self Now: Accelerating Your Spiritual Evolution, Buhlman offers sage advice based on nonsectarian spiritual principles.

“Remember, the ultimate journey of soul is not death, but the self-realization of our spiritual essence. Eventually we will make the important transition from religious believer to spiritual explorer.”

Drawing on the wisdom of the Bardo Thödol, Buhlman recommends that we create our own text to be recorded and played back when the time arrives for our ultimate out-of-body experience. It’s not a bad idea. You can purchase CDs of the Bardo Thödol in English, but even though I find it a powerful text I’m not confident that it would be the most effective guide for Westerners. And from everything I’ve read and researched about the progress of the soul or consciousness at death, Buhlman is probably right that it occurs much quicker than the traditional 49-day period of the Tibetan tradition. Indeed, at least two experienced lamas I spoke with agreed that the number was almost certainly a convention designed to limit the period of mourning.

Buhlman’s detailed guidance for dealing with death parallels the Death Positive movement that is seeking to help us get past our denial about the dying process, promoting awareness “that the culture of silence around death should be broken through discussion, gatherings, art, innovation, and scholarship,” according to their website. But Buhlman goes further, focusing on preparing for the transition to the nonphysical state that we will all have to make.

As long as we remain open to accepting full responsibility for every thought and act of our earthly life — and to forgiving ourselves as well as others — the news is basically good.

“Evidence received from near-death and out-of-body experiences suggests a radically different final-judgment scenario than is widely accepted today,” he writes. “At death we are not judged by God or angels on a heavenly throne; instead, we must face the most demanding judge imaginable, our own spiritual self. The pure spiritual essence of our consciousness appraises our development. Our every thought, word, and deed are known. Our life is an open book where every secret, every desire is clear and present. The art of forgiveness is often the practice of self-forgiveness. Don’t underestimate the liberating spiritual power of its use.”

Buhlman teaches worldwide and at the Monroe Institute in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, founded by Robert A. Monroe, who popularized the terms out-of-body experience and OBE. Monroe was a psychospiritual explorer of the first rank who documented his own extraordinary experiences in three books written between 1971 and 1994. His accounts included prolonged communications in the astral plane with nonphysical beings who helped him overcome his initial fears and to develop his skills as a psychonaut. Having worked in the radio business, he developed high-tech gear that allowed students in separate units furnished with a bed, headphones, and speakers to listen to music combined with binaural beats.

This sonic system, which he called Hemi-Sync, short for “hemispheric synchronization,” uses tones measured in cycles per second, or Hertz (Hz), named for the German scientist Heinrich Hertz, the first person to provide conclusive proof of the existence of electromagnetic waves. By sending 100 Hz in one ear and 104 Hz in another, the mind perceives only the difference between the waves—4 Hz, the frequency at which the brain resonates during deep sleep, also known as the Delta state. Entraining to this frequency tends to make the mind more receptive to states of deep concentration, and hopefully to precipitating an OBE.

Buhlman uses similar settings with a combination of verbal induction, music, binaural beats and the students’ intentions to expand their conscious frame of reference. “When we enter altered states — yoga, OBEs, meditation — we are entering a highly thought-responsive environment within ourselves. As we move inward, nonphysical reality becomes increasingly more thought-responsive. We are not observers of reality; we are active participants in the reality that we experience, whether it be kundalini yoga, DMT, it doesn’t matter what inspired the experience. I’ve done shamanic journeys in Peru, I’ve done ayahuasca. To be a teacher you have to experience things yourself.”

In his first book, Adventures Beyond the Body,  Buhlman writes, “The journey of inner exploration is not an airy-fairy, Tinkerbell experience. People sometimes have scary experiences. It’s all about confronting your own fear.” He cites Robert Monroe, the renowned OBE pioneer, who was also a licensed pilot. In Monroe’s books, he described OBEs during which he tried to land a plane on a rooftop. “That’s physically impossible and, of course, terrifying. That was his way of confronting his own fears. In history, the inner explorers of consciousness went through their own trials experiencing the manifestations of their own fears. People used to call this initiation because you’re carrying your whole state of consciousness with you.”

Buhlman underwent his own initiation of sorts during one of his early OBEs when he was paralyzed with fear by the appearance of a giant sloth standing nine feet high, with a bear’s head and the face of a dog. “All I can think is, This thing can snap my neck in a heartbeat,” he writes. “Suddenly the creature gives me a warm hug and licks my face like a dog. All my fear dissipates as I realize that this ugly creature is powerless to harm me. An intense feeling of empowerment and joy explodes through me; I feel completely free from my fear and limits.”

Perhaps as a result of feeling liberated by such experiences, he strongly advocates that we all find a method to have our own experience.

“A real scientific approach would be to do the research and find a way to prove to yourself that you do continue beyond the body. Become your own guinea pig. Don’t believe what I say. It’s going to take some effort. Find a method of inner exploration of consciousness that works for you, whether it be raja yoga or ritualized magic. It takes determination, work, focus, and a goal. But this is way more important than having a bunch of letters behind your name. We’re only taking one thing with us when we leave this body, and that’s our state of consciousness and the knowledge we’ve gained from our experience in the physical world. A lot of PhDs attend my workshops because they have gotten to the point where they want to be able to prove to themselves what they’ve heard or read about. That’s a far more scientific approach than saying it doesn’t exist because it isn’t possible.

“A lot of people are stuck in their head. You’ve got to get out of your head. Men have trouble with this. They have been trained to be immensely in their heads because that’s what is needed to succeed and make a living in the Western world. We’re trained to be providers. I’m the same way. Women are far more open, far more adept. I see this in my classes all the time. I have to say, ‘Give up the analyzing.  As long as you’re in your head, you’re not going anywhere.’”

—

Editor’s Note: Wiliam Buhlman’s six-day intensives in out-of-body experience at the Monroe Institute are booked solid through April 2019, and the next openings are in September, a year from now. But he is offering an online course called “Our Incredible Journey: Life, Death and Beyond,” from November 10 to December 2, 2018. It offers to show students how to “practice techniques to control and direct your state of consciousness during altered states; various nonphysical realities and how they function; and how to effectively navigate thought-responsive environments.” Anyone registering during the three weeks of the workshop will have access to all classes. For more information click here.

You may also enjoy reading Dying Every Day: Exploring Life and the Near-Death Experience with Reincarnate Buddhist Lama Mingyur Rinpoche by Peter Occhiogrosso

The post Inside Out: Exploring The Out of Body Experience appeared first on BEST SELF.

How women of war-torn lands — and lipstick — helped a feminist reclaim the beautiful pieces of herself

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I did not grow up thinking I was beautiful. My Iraqi mother had fed this belief, telling me that my cousin Nadia was much better looking than I was. Whenever she came to visit and we were all invited out somewhere, my mother would insist that I give Nadia my best clothes to wear. At ten years of age, I finally protested. “Why did you give Nadia my orange shirt, Mama? You know it’s my favorite.”

“But honey,” my mother responded. “Nadia is the beautiful one.” It was as if beauty itself was reason enough.

My mother didn’t think of me as ugly, just not as beautiful as other girls.

But the judgment stayed with me. As I grew up, I couldn’t see anything pretty or attractive about me. I could see only my prominent twisted nose and unattractive legs. I took to wearing clothes a size bigger than I needed so that they would hide my imperfections. They ended up hiding all of me.

As I started studying women’s rights in college and took on a feminist identity, I also made a statement out of rejecting fashion and beauty. If women around me wore the latest fashionable colors, I wore only black and gray. If they permed their hair or straightened it, I refused to do anything with mine.

Rejection became part of my identity, and this continued after college.

At important life events, including giving a speech or receiving major awards for my humanitarian work at the White House, I’d wear a simple black and white suit. I wanted to be treated the same as men. I thought that by denying any sense of beauty, I would guarantee that my intellect was noticed, not my looks. I thought this was the higher choice.

But the truth was that whenever I went out with female friends, regardless of their sizes, shapes, and looks, I always felt less beautiful than them. If we entered a restaurant or an event together, I assumed that I was invisible. If we encountered a group of male friends, I never expected any attention from them. I didn’t feel jealous; I just felt small.

Still, I kept pushing against that idea that, as a woman, I needed to be beautiful. I focused on developing my charisma, my personality, my thoughts, and my adventures.

I thought it was better for people to love me for my mind.

If other women seduced with beauty, I tried to seduce with words and intellect. My unique work in war zones gave me my confidence. But a confident person acts out of fullness, not out of scarcity. I used my activist identity to cover up for my insecurity about my looks. I couldn’t appreciate beauty, so I rejected it. That rejection insulted the essence of beauty itself.

It was the women whom I had been helping in war zones who taught me to see beauty in a different way. I was in Sarajevo in 1994, bringing money and clothes to Bosnian women in the besieged city. Their homes — and streets, schools, churches, hospitals, and way of life — were being destroyed by snipers and artillery fire, and they were blockaded inside the city while food and basic supplies dwindled. The only way to enter Sarajevo was on a United Nations plane, and even the UN could not guarantee anyone’s safety. I was the only woman in a plane full of French UN troops, crossing Serbian check lines to get into the city. At that time, I had heard all about the rape camps and concentration camps in the country. Traveling to Sarajevo was very risky.

With the help of the UN, I made it to the city center without harm, but everywhere the walls were full of shrapnel. People ran from alley to alley to get around, often in a rain of bullets. Everything was scarce — food, water, heat. Many burned their shoes, books, and furniture in the winter for heat. The dead had to be buried in backyards because it was too dangerous to go to cemeteries.

In spite of the danger, I was able to meet with several women’s organizations to distribute the funds I had raised for them. It was exciting to meet and hear about their needs and realities and to think about how to help them better. I asked them what else I could bring besides clothes and money. I had in mind vitamins, tampons, bandages, and other practical items.

“Lipstick!” the first woman said. “We want lipstick.”

“Lipstick? What?” I was taken aback. Why would they want lipstick? They had so many more urgent needs.

“Lipstick is the smallest thing I can put on and feel beautiful,” the woman told me. “I want that sniper to know that he is killing a beautiful woman.”

Resistance comes in different ways. Some fight back with guns. Some fight back by keeping the music playing, like the Bosnian cellist who played in the middle of an open square where snipers could easily shoot him. Some fight back with art, like the artists who turned empty bullet casings into pieces of art. This woman was fighting back by keeping beauty alive. Putting on lipstick was the simplest way to feel beautiful and connected to life itself. It’s how she could triumph over the humiliation of being starved and possibly killed by an unseen gunman.

It suddenly hit me: to deny women their sense of beauty would be to violate their dignity and integrity. 

Even if they were suffering shortages of food and water, even if they lacked basic hygiene, even if they were cold and afraid, they had every right to ask for cosmetics. These women were not just desperate victims. They wanted to live and die in dignity and to choose their circumstances.

On my following visits to Bosnia, I brought boxes of lipsticks, as well as blush, eye shadow, and all the other makeup I could collect, along with the basics of money, clothes, and food. I also paid attention to how I carried myself and what I wore. I had thought that being a humanitarian activist meant ignoring any sense of beauty, so normally I had just worn my normal jeans and sneakers and pulled my hair back. Once I realized that beauty is part of keeping our spirits alive, I got myself a nice skirt and a matching shirt and a good haircut as well. I wanted to show respect to the women I was working with. They were carrying themselves so elegantly, in spite of the war, in spite of their fatigue. They were coming to meetings in nicely pressed blouses and skirts, even when everything they had — even life itself — was in peril. I wanted to be as presentable as they were trying to be.

Over the years, I have encountered thousands of women in many war zones who carried themselves with this kind of beauty, integrity and dignity. They would strive for the smallest hint of it even when they were destitute. Behind their head-to-toe burqas, Afghan women wore vibrantly colored clothes — old pieces of silver or patterns of red, orange, and green woven into the belts they had embroidered. Their faces were immaculate — perfect eyebrows, no hair out of place, dark kohl lining their eyes. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, women who had been utterly violated and abused danced fiercely and sang with all their hearts whenever they could. It was their way of keeping their spirits alive.

If these women who had lost everything could celebrate whatever beauty they had by wearing bright red lipstick, putting on nice dresses, smiling big smiles, and dancing with their full hearts, then who was I to reject beauty? Who was I to take myself so seriously and not dance, sing, or join in what had kept so many spirits alive?

Beauty is not to be denied, not in myself and not in any other woman or man. It is to be celebrated, encouraged, and protected. It is like hope.

When all is lost, when material comfort is gone and loved ones are departed, we can hold onto our spirits by cultivating even small gestures of beauty.

Freedom is an inside job. No one can do it for us, and no one can sell it to us. Only when we see ourselves — truly see ourselves — do we see that beauty is all around us. It is on the inward journey that we find the lasting satisfaction we’re looking for. When we align with it, it can be like the butterfly effect. One small change in our lives, like the air displaced by a butterfly’s wing, can have an enormous ripple effect on our entire complex system of interconnected lives. It can change the whole world.

You may also enjoy reading Interview: Regena Thomashauer | The Power of Pleasure & Reclaiming Radiance with Kristen Noel

The post The Awakening of Sleeping Beauty: Tragedy, Humanity… and Lipstick appeared first on BEST SELF.

A 4^th generation physician living a nature-starved lifestyle saved herself by taking a walk on the wild side — connecting to the powerful guidance of spirit animals

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We can benefit from the natural world in many ways simply by beginning to open to it. And one of the easiest — and most fun — ways to begin to open to nature is to connect with animal spirits, or beasties. It can begin with a simple encounter like I had with Walrus.

The summer I decided to take a sabbatical from my medical practice, I didn’t know if or how I was going to figure out a way to feel good again at work. In the previous couple years, I had completely lost my mojo for the diagnosis of disease, which was the main task of my job as a board certified pathologist. Instead, I had become more curious about what makes people well. I wanted to focus my energies there, but I had no idea how. With four kids we hoped to send to college and a mortgage to pay, we were depending on my income.

During that summer, I stumbled into a walrus, albeit one that was lifeless, taxidermied, and hanging on the wall at a shop in our downtown. Nonetheless, I was mesmerized. His enormous tusks and whiskered face beckoned to me. I got curious.

Could this unusual beastie be trying to tell me something? As I learned more about walruses, I discovered a few things. I watched some footage of them hanging out on a beach and I noticed that, unlike me, they didn’t seem to be caught up in their heads worrying about the future. Instead, they were extremely relaxed. I also learned that, essentially, they have no competition. They are ‘apex predators’. Putting these two ideas together, I wondered if the walrus was trying to show me that if I could just manage to relax and be myself, that whatever I chose to do next with my career, I would have no competition.This message gave me a lot of hope.

With Walrus’s assistance, I eventually walked away from medicine to discover work that I love again.

I wasn’t aware of the deeper world of nature until the beasties found me and I started connecting with them. I believe the reason so many of us are drawn to animals and hold them in such high regard is that they are vibrational role models; working with their spirits is an invitation to join in their high state of alignment.

A beastie is a spirit that bears a special significance for an individual. It is a source of strength and insight. This creature’s spirit is aligned with the spirit of the person who works with it. I believe working with beasties in this way is embedded in our DNA or our collective experience. Though our Western culture currently lacks a strong connection to the practice of working with spirit animals, many beloved creative works point to this possibility again and again.

Two kinds of Beasties: Guest Beasties and Core Beasties

There are two basic categories of beasties. The first I like to think of as guest beasties. They’re around for a limited time. They come to stay with you for a moment or a month, or even a year, to bring a message or share some wisdom. Guest beasties arrive to guide you through something important that’s going on in your life. They’re basically saying, “Hey! Over here! Notice me, because I’m trying to tell you something that’s important for you to know right now.”

The other kind of beastie is what I like to think of as core beasties. They are often referred to as guardians, familiars, protectors, or power animals. The word power is often thought of only in terms of intimidation and strength. While it’s true that a core beastie does offer strength, it’s not the strength of being more powerful than others, but the strength that comes from being connected to your true self. The core in core beastie is the core of you.

Guest Beasties

Guest beasties are beasties that appear for a limited time to bring you a specific message. It’s kind of like a guest coming to visit who won’t be around forever. The good news: unlike houseguests, you won’t have to change the sheets or get up early to make coffee for them. Instead, the visit of a guest beastie can lighten your load.

They show up in your life to point you in a new direction, offer a solution, or teach you something.

Even our biggest fears, like not having enough money, a place to live, or good health, can be calmed by connecting with a simple message from a guest beastie.

The first step to working with guest beasties is to notice which beastie is showing up. Although they sometimes make a dramatic entrance, beasties often simply appear as you go about your day — as you read the newspaper, pick up the mail, or walk down the street. You don’t need to see the actual, three-dimensional version of the beastie for it to be a guest beastie with a message for you. Beasties you see on a digital screen, that you read about in a book, that appear in a dream, or that present themselves on a gift someone gives you — they all count. You may even hear a beastie rather than see it. Or, even more mysteriously, you might see just a tail, a tooth, a glistening trail on the sidewalk, a web, scat, or other evidence. All of them count. All you need to do is pay attention.

For example, if Tiger wants to get your attention, the man making your latte may have a tiger tattoo that catches your eye, and you ask him about it. Or you visit the zoo, and you can’t get enough of watching the tiger lounging majestically in its habitat. Maybe a friend gives you a birthday card with “Hey, Tiger!” as part of the message. Or a PBS documentary on tigers is playing at the dentist’s office while you get your teeth cleaned, and later your child offers you their stuffed tiger toy to snuggle with. You might even have all of these things happen within the short space of a few days. Play with life’s wonder; nothing is insignificant or without meaning.

Guest beasties typically exit once we have received the support and guidance we need.

During the period they are in our lives, we may feel extremely close to them and work deeply together. In some circumstances, a guest beastie like this may, over time, join your core beastie as a lifetime guide and helper.

Core Beasties

A connection with a core beastie — what some people call a ‘power animal’ — can be one of the most magical relationships, mentorships, and friendships you’ll ever have.

A core beastie is a spirit, in animal form, that you have a relationship with over a very long period of time. Many shamanic teachers say that a core beastie is with you for life.

Some people call core beasties power animals, but the word power is often confusing. The core beastie you connect with will empower you, yet it doesn’t bring you power, as our culture tends to popularly define it: an ability to dominate others or control the world. The power I’m talking about here is the peaceful strength that arises from expressing your unique essence in all areas of your life. I use the term core beastie because it more clearly communicates what this relationship is about: fortifying and enlivening the center or core of you.

The amazing and special thing about a core beastie is that when you discover one and get to know it, it’s like coming home to yourself. When you connect with the energy of an animal — or for that matter, anything in nature (an ocean, a tree, a rock) — you’re connecting with its vibration or inherent spirit. You feel that energy, for example, when you see an oak tree or a wildflower and recognize its beauty. When you discover your core beastie, it will feel uniquely uplifting. He or she will make you feel stronger when you think of them. It’s kind of like being in the company of someone who’s very positive, in tune with you, and supports you. A core beastie plays an empowering and protective role.

As a general rule, just as with guest beasties, core beasties are the spirits of wild animals. A wild animal lives in surrender to its own self and is able to fully express its heart’s desires without limits. Your core beastie will choose you — not the other way around. Regardless of how it appears, the beastie that chooses you does so because it has perfect, unique messages, strengths, and teachings for you. But be aware that your ego could get in the way. You may want your core beastie to be a soaring condor because your ego wants a condor, even though another precious beastie is trying to get your attention. If your ego gets in the way, you’ll find connecting with a core beastie more difficult and challenging.

Let go of the attachment to the beastie you want to appear and welcome the one that does appear bearing the gift of its messages.

Recall that a guest beastie is typically temporary (visiting for a moment, a week, or other limited time), whereas a core beastie is an animal spirit that has been with you your whole life, whether you’ve been conscious of it or not. Does one pop into your head instantly? Another easy way to tune in to your core beasties is to ask yourself these questions:

• Did you have a well-loved stuffed animal or book about a particular animal as a kid?
• What was the first animal you’d run to at the museum or zoo when you were a child?
• Have you ever had an incredible encounter with a wild animal? It could be an attack, an intense and powerful dream, a very unusual sighting, or an experience with a wild animal that felt significant.
• Have you had recurring dreams where a certain animal shows up over and over again? Even if — and especially if — it’s a scary dream?

Having a core beastie is like having a mentor who encourages you and really sees what’s possible for you. And like a relationship with a mentor (or a friend or a lover), your relationship with a core beastie is a two-way street: you get out of it what you put in. When you honor a relationship with a core beastie, it thrives — and so do you. Forging a wonderful, strong relationship with a core beastie is like cracking open a doorway into a vast world of nature and other beasties. By entering, you open yourself to receiving many more messages and making further discoveries.

Here are a few portraits of some beasties:

Bear

Solitude, Motherhood, Creativity, Dreaming

There’s a strange smell in the air. I quickly rise and encourage my cub to climb the tree. We climb together, up into the green branches. With my cub secured, I continue to sniff and observe the ground below. There, I spot her. It’s another young female bear, near my age. I huff at my cub, admonishing her to stay put, and quickly scale back down the tree to confront this stranger. I need this area to myself for my family to thrive. I storm toward her, raising a ruckus. She quickly retreats without a fight. Relieved, I sigh and collapse in a heap on the soft pine-needle floor and call to my cub. Lightning fast, she slips down the trunk and runs to greet me.

Bears are masterful at enjoying their own good company. These introverted creatures spend much of their life in solitude; it’s what bears do best. Bear lumbers in to remind you that perhaps you, too, could benefit from a respite from the constant buzzing.

A mother bear is an also an expert at teaching her little ones the skills they’ll need to be wholly independent. Once they’ve been raised, she chases those prepared cubs up a tree and leaves them there, fully expecting that they will take responsibility for themselves now. Is it time for you to take full responsibility for yourself? Conversely, is it time for you to let go of something (or someone) you helped create, trusting that you have prepared it well? Bear’s presence can also help you dream a new dream. Bear reminds you that what you really want isn’t that far off (even if it feels that way now). Don’t forget to stop for honey on your way there.

Aligning Affirmations:

GO YOUR OWN WAY

Find strength in solitude. Discover alone.

SAVOR THE AMBLE

Find delight in the journey. Stop often for honey.

EXPECT YOUR CREATIONS TO THRIVE

You did your part. Now let go. Be fierce. Believe.

CHAKRA:  Womb/sacral. Bear can help you strike a balance between giving and receiving. Are you shattered from giving too much and need to practice the art of receiving at this time? Or does your cup runneth over, making it the right time to share your bounty? Notice and make adjustments as needed.

BEASTLY PRACTICE:  Practice balancing in a modified Yogic Bear Pose to activate Bear energy. While seated on a mat or cushion, grab each foot with each hand. Inhale and lean back to lift both heels off of the floor a few inches. Find your balance. Then inhale and push your feet outward and upward, straightening the legs. (To modify for ease, keep knees bent.) Lift your feet up and out toward the corners of the room. Breathe and hold for two to four breaths. Repeat a few times. Notice new insights from your body.

VOCATION:  With bears, body language is everything. If you want to take charge, stand tall. To understand a situation more deeply, notice the subtle sign others give with their bodies. Become adept at reading these postures, and you’ll become better at what you do.

WELLNESS:  Drop all the ‘shoulds’ and let your omnivore self eat what it’s hungry for. If it feels good, explore medicinal herbs and teas.

CREATIVITY: A fertilized bear egg will develop into a viable pregnancy only if conditions become ideal. This is called delayed implantation. If you are in a creative process and are experiencing a delay, trust (and breathe). When conditions are ripe, your creation will begin to manifest and, with your collaboration, become fully fleshed out.

RELATING:  In Hindu mythology, Jambavan, the king of bears, an immortal being and son of the creator of the Universe, reincarnated as a bear in order to serve Lord Rama. Jambavan helped Hanuman, the monkey king, realize his immense capabilities. Like this mythological bear, you are being empowered to serve the greater good and to help others realize their own power and unique skills. Reflect people’s light back to them.

LOVE:  Play some Barry White and snuggle a loved one under some cozy covers in your own bear cave to improve your love quotient. If you are seeking love, do the same, but embrace a pillow and imagine your perfect snuggle partner. Ask Bear to help deliver them to you at the perfect time.

*If Bear is your core beastie, you get a tiny bit ornery if forced to go too many days without alone time.

Peacock

Art of Ceremony, Self-Expression, Compassion, Pride

In the early morning I fly up to a ridge, where I can survey my territory. I spot a female and quickly fly down to extend my invitation. I shimmy my feathers first and then — snap! — bring my tail up and fan it out in its full glory. Then I turn to face her directly and vibrate the feathers in order to more fully attract her attention. Today, she turns away and seems uninterested. I continue in earnest until the sun becomes too hot, and then I reluctantly retreat to the shade. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity.

Peacock struts in ceremonially and with absolute grace to remind you that the eyes of compassion are always on you. Quan Yin, the goddess of mercy, love, and kindness, recognized by many all over the planet, is often depicted riding on a sacred peacock with the hundreds of eyes in his feathers representing the all-seeing eyes of this divine expression of the Creator’s love. Peacock wants you to know just how beloved you are. When you can go out into the world with trust, knowing you are loved, life can become a daring adventure. It’s time to step out with the trust and innocence of a child who has nothing to fear. This is a time to be bold. You may wander, but you are never lost. Saying yes to what’s calling you will keep the all-seeing eyes of compassion upon you. Train yourself to recognize the loving eyes that are seeing you always.

Aligning Affirmations:

ACCEPT YOUR DISTINCTIVENESS

You’re magnificent. Own it. Show it off. Strut your stuff.

LEVERAGE LOVELINESS

Entice with beauty. Reward with delight.

EMBODY POISE

Move graciously. Carefully. With great concentration and awareness.

CHAKRA:  Throat. The color of the throat chakra is sapphire blue. Riffle through your closet and don something with this color, or find another creative way to bring this rich blue into your experience to bring balance to self-expression.

BEASTLY PRACTICE:  Peacocks are leaf-litter hunters and love dusk and dawn for foraging. Take yourself on a peacock strut either early at dawn or as the sun is setting, and walk mindfully, drinking in all the beauty of nature.

VOCATION:  Peacocks make loud and plaintive calls. They are far from shy. If you’ve been suppressing yourself, it’s time to speak up and share your own thoughts at work.

WELLNESS:  Peacocks are not picky eaters and will eat just about anything they can find on the forest floor, including fruits, seeds, insects, and reptiles. It’s a great time to try new foods. Expand your culinary horizons. Choose something you’ve never tried before when you dine out or make a brand-new recipe. Favor natural, unprocessed foods from the earth.

CREATIVITY: The plumage of the male peacock has no equal. It dazzles. Don’t be afraid to be loud and proud about your creative work. It’s time to put it on display, share it, and let others see the glory of what you have made.

RELATING:  Peacocks tend to roost together in trees in ‘parties’ for protection. If you are feeling disempowered or anxious, a party is the cure. Call a last-minute potluck or toss some popcorn in a bowl and invite a few of your favorite friends over.

LOVE:  Peacocks take their courtship very seriously, and males will stop at nothing — singing and dancing their hearts out — for a chance to be with the female of their choice. This is no time to be lax. If you’re in a committed partnership, it’s time to dance like you mean it and pull out all the stops. If you are seeking love, just like the peahen, you are in the driver’s seat (whether you are male or female). Look for the one whose dance has the most heart.

*If Peacock is your core beastie, you surprise people with the incredible ways you express yourself.

Sloth

Gentleness, Trust, Conservation of Personal Energy, Cooperation

Moving slowly up the tree, I pause to nibble a few leaves. The jungle symphony provides the soothing soundtrack for our morning. We cruise gently and imperceptibly among the trees. Our dreamy pace is our protection. My baby is beginning to grow up and has begun grabbing a vine or two of his own, to test his strength. It won’t be long before we part ways.

Sloth arrives very slowly to gently make you aware that there’s no sin in conserving your energy for what is most important to you. Have you been exceedingly busy, responding to all of the needs of others and ignoring your own most basic needs? Sloth offers you her Mona Lisa smile and wordlessly reminds you to periodically withdraw yourself from the caretaking of the world and lovingly attend to your own sweet center and/or family. Sloth was named, by some terribly misinformed explorer, for one of the seven deadly sins. But Sloth is not indifferent to the world and its suffering, nor is she lazy. Sloth is simply a skillful model of energy conservation and healthy self-care. She reminds you to attend first and foremost to your own needs. To rest sufficiently. To eat nourishing foods. When you take care of yourself, as Sloth does, you can become a helpful guide for others.

Aligning Affirmations:

PROCEED SLOWLY

There’s no need to do it faster. Pokey is perfect.

TAKE TIME TO PROCESS

Break it down. Allow lengthy digestion. Days, not minutes.

ENJOY OBSCURITY.

Move quietly among all you adore.

CHAKRA:  Heart. Sloths quietly live in harmony with all that is. Take a few minutes today to be outdoors, set an intention to come into harmony with all of nature, and notice what happens—notice what you sense, smell, see, taste, or simply know.

BEASTLY PRACTICE:  Sloths, like owls, have the incredible ability to turn their heads nearly 360 degrees. Take an issue that has been bothering you the last twenty-four to forty-eight hours and examine it carefully from all perspectives. Then, if you like, stay the course or feel free to make a 180-degree turn.

VOCATION:  It can take a sloth up to one month to digest a meal. Give yourself at least thirty days to consider carefully all of your ideas, information, and input before launching a new product/program/initiative or making a big decision.

WELLNESS:  Once a week, sloths will descend from their tree to defecate and urinate. Each time you go to the bathroom and close the door today, do a one-minute sloth blessing and release: take this opportunity to thank God, the Universe, the Earth, or whomever you pray to for all the nourishment you’ve received. Then release everything (including this waste) that is not serving you. Amen.

CREATIVITY: Sloth mothers are extremely tender and gentle with their babies. Give yourself a very tender and peaceful atmosphere in which to create. Clear out any old energy by spraying flower essences, sage, or simply burning a candle with intention, and invite Sloth to watch over you as you work at your chosen craft.

RELATING:  Sloths are a wandering, welcoming habitat for many other beasties, including algae, moths, beetles, and more. Offer yourself as a soft place for others to be nourished.

LOVE:  Sloths have a very slow rate of metabolism and need to sunbathe often to maintain their body temperature. To strengthen your relationship or to increase the chances of finding love, spend a few minutes soaking up the sun. Notice how the sun never asks anything of you: it simply shines.

*If Sloth is your core beastie, you naturally broadcast the creative talents of others.

You may also enjoy reading How Good Are You Willing To Let Life Get? Daily Messages From A Spirit Animal by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann

The post Embracing Your Beastie: Connecting To The Wisdom of Your Spirit Animal appeared first on BEST SELF.

A self-professed ‘New Age Junkie’ who works in the wellness field is forced to confront his own mortality as he witnesses his kidneys fail

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Imagine looking down in a bottomless cenote, an underground lake. You can’t see the edges, you can’t see the bottom, you only see a deep blue/black extending in all directions.

My brother died young. 31. He had a type of heart attack where, basically, his heart just stopped for a moment and then couldn’t restart. He was in the middle of a sentence when it happened, a lightning bolt that forever changed me and my family. No one saw it coming.

My father died at 69, an unexpected, rare cancer. The week before he passed, I knew. I woke up sobbing at least once that week. I was with him for his last breath. My fiancée was pregnant at the time. My father didn’t get to meet my daughter. His last words, “It’s disappointing.”

My step-father died at 68, from a second bout of leukemia, acquired after (what we all thought) was a successful bone marrow transplant. He was a gem of a person, cracking jokes from his hospital bed, even while his body failed. I was with him, too, when his last breath left his body.

My experiences have certainly given me reasons to fear life’s uncertainty. And yet, I also have a powerful ability to live in a different world.

A world of possibility. I am and pretty much always have been, a New Age junkie, eating up axioms and aphorisms and affirmations as if their wisdom would save me from the chaotic and unsafe world that I actually live in.

The question that haunts me: Did the trauma of these losses, my fears of my own mortality, seep into my consciousness and ultimately make my kidneys fail? Or do people sometimes just get sick and I just happened to be one of them?

In Chinese Medicine, the Kidneys are the seat of Fear. The Kidneys are coupled with the Bladder to form the Water Element. This is Chinese medicine’s archetypal image of pure fear.

Katy called on a Friday to tell me that she was ‘signed off.’ The hospital had given her the green light and she had called me early, before they made it official.

It had been a week of growing excitement: first within my tightest circle of family and loved ones and then expanding, the Facebook announcement making it ‘official’ to our wider universe. The word was out and strangers were coming up to me daily to congratulate me. Needing a new kidney in a small town is a public affair, and now, the search was over and we could celebrate.

Katy stepped up to be evaluated for kidney donation after she read my story on social media.

We have been friends for the past 5 years, give or take. We had been neighbors in Greenpoint before my fiancée and I had moved upstate and our lives veered in different directions. We stayed in touch after we both moved on, visiting one another with our growing families. We felt a kinship and a camaraderie, but certainly didn’t foresee this: trading body parts. Now we’re connected for life.

On the phone with Katy and her father, he told me why it made perfect sense to him. “When my daughter was in that car accident ten years ago, and that stranger found her on the side of the road and saved her life, I knew there was a reason. I knew that someday, she would save someone else’s life.”

When I first suspected that there was something wrong with my kidneys, I was on vacation. I had arrived in Tulum, Mexico after a horrendous flight, my body feeling fluey and achy as I soared from New York to Cancun.

We arrived late and had a drive down to Tulum. In the morning, when I woke up, it burned when I peed. That had never happened to me. It was only once, maybe twice, but it just didn’t seem right. When I got back to the states, I knew I should check it out.

I was living in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I recalled a Urology and Dialysis center on Flatbush Avenue. I went in and asked to speak to a doctor. I waited until he could see me.

I had never been in a dialysis center. All of the people hooked up to the machines seemed to me like lumps of unconscious flesh, sleeping the day away. The vibe was frighteningly low, as if I had trespassed in a stranger’s tomb. Depressing, life-sucking, just plain bad.

The doctor took my blood and this eventually lead to my diagnosis: IgA Nephropathy (also known as Berger’s Disease). No one really knew much about it. It could progress and be crippling. It might never progress. Come back every three months and we’ll see.

Almost ten years later, it progressed. That was about two years ago. Eight months ago, I started dialysis.

Jim is my next-door neighbor in Dialysis. We’ve been spending about 14 hours a week sitting three feet away from each other, nodding in and out of sleep, chatting in a kind and light-hearted way. About once a week, we go out for breakfast or lunch, shifting our relationship from mandatory to chosen.

Frank I met this past fall. For some reason, seats in dialysis were shuffled and our chairs were awkwardly close, so we spoke. From his Brooklyn accent I learned that he had been in advertising, Mad Men-style. He had kids and grandkids and great-grandkids that he saw pretty often. His sense of humor was great, his glasses reminded me of Martin Scorsese and I laughed while we spoke. I happen to see him again recently and he had big congratulations for me (he’d heard about my upcoming transplant) and his words felt true and warm and encouraging. Fatherly.

Jon and I only met once in dialysis, with our times switched up for some reason and our chairs serendipitously next to one another. Jon is a retired local sheriff. He made me laugh and relate and expound for most of those four hours. We traded cards at the end of the shift, thinking that one day, we’d get coffee.

Jim, Frank, Jon. Everyone has a story in dialysis. No one planned on being there.

My donor, Katy, came up to visit yesterday with her husband and their son. We live in Woodstock, NY and she lives in Brooklyn. Our kids played, we gave them the tour of the town. Her husband and I had time to talk and bond. Katy and I talked about our families’ varied reactions. We ate fresh ice cream and visited our favorite lake. We took selfies and captured precious moments. They went home around sundown with big hugs and a promise to have an early morning dance party before the surgery.

This morning as I write this, just after dropping my kids at school, I was driving alone and burst into tears, suddenly letting in the relief that a kidney transplant was only a week away. I cried with gratitude for my community of support. I cried for all the years I am going to have with my kids, being that much more of the man I want to be for them. I cried because I suddenly acknowledged that this transplant is actually happening.

Tears, salt, the unknown future. A touch of certainty in an uncertain world. A gift from a woman I barely know, but whose commitment is giving me my life.

In the last six months, I have come to see those relationships with my brother, father, and stepfather, each in a new light. A level of compassion for my brother, who didn’t have the chance to fight for his life, who was yanked away from it all too quickly. A level of understanding with my father, who I resented for so many years, only to ultimately come to love him for what I have now come to see him as: a deeply conflicted man. And a level of appreciation for my stepfather, who I knew as being extroverted, garrulous, and often self-sabotaging, now transformed in my heart into the deeply caring, light-hearted, community-minded soul that he was. Feelings change when you consider your own demise. The dimensionality of each soul cannot be ignored.

I can’t say I have an answer to that question of how this all began, but I will say this: mind or body, whoever is in charge, mortality is a great teacher.

Today, they estimate that there are 80,000 people waiting for kidney transplants. The success rate of kidney transplants (from living donors) is estimated to be about 97%, with the ‘failures’ being a rejection by the recipient’s body, in which case they most often have to return to dialysis. Though there are risks to donors as well, nearly all recover and lead completely healthy lives.

My plea to you: consider it. You may be walking around with the keys to someone else’s life. Keys you didn’t realize you can spare.

—

*Editor’s Note:

Ben Fleisher successfully received a kidney transplant since the publication of this article. He is joyfully recovering in his home in Woodstock. He feels better than he has in years.

For more information about living donors visit www.donatelife.net/ To sign up to be listed as an organ donor on your driver’s license visit dmv.ny.gov/

Ben Fleisher is an Acupuncturist and Zero Balancer, and the Co-Founder of integrative wellness center Woodstock Healing Arts. He lives in Woodstock, NY with his partner and their two young daughters.

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The post Spare Keys: Reflections on a Kidney Transplant appeared first on BEST SELF.

Death in modern society is often done one way — but it doesn’t have to be that way

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On home funerals, and doing death differently

Not quite a year ago, I did the hardest thing in the world: I watched my beloved partner and best friend die. Benjamin had been struggling with illness for 18 months at that point. It had been 9 months since we’d received word that the problem was cancer, and six months since we’d heard there was nothing more the doctors could do.

On the morning of May 2, 2017, I lay next to him in bed and told him I was starting to worry he was leaving us. He nodded his head slowly and said he agreed. Laboriously, drifting in and out of consciousness, he was able to express his final thoughts.

“As I see it,” he said, “there is nothing left to be done.” Less than two hours later, he was gone.

Looking back, the story I most want to tell about this time is not the story of his dying. It’s the story of what happened after he died. For in the moments, hours and days after he took his last breath, we—his family, friends and I—took an unconventional path. Unconventional, but in no way new. We took a path that is ancient and rich and deeply felt, that is simple and real and human. We did everything ourselves, at home.

A Return to the Old Ways

The story starts a few years ago, on Facebook of all places. I was scrolling through my feed when I saw an acquaintance had posted about her mother’s death—including pictures of her body, wrapped in a gauzy shroud. I was transfixed.

This friend and her sister had been with her mother while she died at home, and had cared for her body themselves—washing and anointing her, and then dressing her in her favorite clothes. She said they had been instructed in the process by someone called a “death midwife.”

“That,” I thought. “That is what I want to do for my loved ones, when the time comes.” I filed away the words “death midwife” and “home funeral” and mostly forgot about it.

Until the day Benjamin went in for his liver transplant, and instead was told the cancer had spread. That it was inoperable and terminal. The first thing I did after we left the hospital was Google death midwives near Malibu, which was where we were living at the time. Up came an organization called Sacred Crossings. Its founder, Olivia Bareham, quickly became an invaluable guide.

Among the things she taught me:

• It is legal in almost every state to keep your loved one’s body at home after they die.
• In most traditional cultures, a body is kept at rest and is not moved for three days before burial or cremation.
• It is simple to keep a body at home, and in most cases requires nothing but a little dry ice that can be acquired from a grocery or drug store.
• It’s not gross and the body doesn’t smell, and you’d be surprised how natural it all feels.

After going through it myself, I can also say that it is a profound gift to be able to lie next to your loved one’s body, to hold their hand, or to simply look at them, for hours or days after they die. It signals to the subconscious parts of you that the death has really happened. It is healing and whole-making, and to me has come to feel like an essential part of the grieving process. 

The Three-Day Vigil

We relocated from Malibu to Napa three months before Benjamin died. Olivia helped us find a local death doula who helped us make preparations with the cemetery where Benjamin would be cremated.

I never spoke to the funeral director; everything was arranged for us by the doula. As a result, I could focus all of my attention on being with Benjamin in his last days and hours.

The day he died, I didn’t have to talk to a single stranger. I didn’t have to leave his side until I, myself, was ready. Undertaking a ritual as old as the world, his closest women friends and I washed his body. We anointed it with frankincense and lavender oils. We dressed him in his favorite clothes.

I slept in the room with his body all three nights we kept him at home. I spent a lot of time lying next to him, crying. So did his family members and dear friends. Even his twin 9-year-old boys came and sat by his bedside, starting what will no doubt be a lifelong process of integrating the impossible fact that Papa is really gone.

The Home Funeral

We had a gathering at our home the third night, where 60 people came to say goodbye. Benjamin’s body was in a candle-lit bedroom, and friends could choose to visit it or not. (Most did, including many children.) The doula provided us with a cardboard cremation box, which our friends and family members decorated with beautiful wishes for Benjamin. We told stories and ate food and cried together. His friends sang songs and read poems. We shared his death in community, in our home.

One friend told me that night, “My relationship to death has completely changed, just being here tonight.” Several others have approached me since, to express similar sentiments.

The decision to do death in one’s home is huge, and so obvious once you remember how humans have been doing it since the dawn of time.

Caring for our loved ones’ bodies in death is our birthright. It is not a job we need to outsource. Unless we want to—and that’s fine, too. There is no right or wrong here. What I didn’t know before this experience is that each of us has a choice, and I want everyone else to know that, too.

The Cremation

After three days, my heart was quietly ready for his body to move on. This peace could not have crept in, had he been taken from me moments after he died. I could see, as a dear friend put it, that he was beginning to “melt back into the earth.” The rhythm of life was telling us the time had come.

The next morning, family and close friends gathered early and prayed over Benjamin’s body. We lifted him up and laid him gently in the decorated box, covering his body with a soft blanket and fresh flowers. His brothers carried him down the stairs, and slid the box into the back of his beloved truck.

We drove to the funeral home, where our death doula was waiting with the funeral director. When I popped open the back window of the camper shell and revealed not only Benjamin’s casket, but also his twin boys, their mom and myself riding in the truck bed, the funeral director shook his head.

“This is highly unusual,” he said. We all laughed.

“We are a highly unusual bunch,” I agreed. (I will be forever grateful to that funeral director for keeping such an open mind.)

We had what’s called a “viewing cremation,” which is available but not advertised at many mortuaries. This means the family members get to roll the body into the cremation oven, close the door and press the buttons that begin the incineration process. (A deep bow to author Mirabai Starr, and her gorgeous memoir Caravan of No Despair, for teaching me that viewing cremations are possible.) There were a dozen family members standing around as Benjamin’s Grammy, his boys and I all pressed the button together.

We never left him. From the moment he died until the moment his body returned to ashes, his loved ones were by his side.

A Better Goodbye

All of this does not “make everything better.” I still mourn for Benjamin every single day. I still cry and feel angry and even hopeless sometimes. But I feel entirely peaceful about the way we celebrated his exit. We did it in a way that was deeply true. True to myself, true to Benjamin, true to his clan of family and friends.

Our midwife Olivia says that people die how they lived. What if the converse is also true—that we can only embrace life to the degree that we embrace death? If that’s the case, what does it mean if we push death away, ask someone else to take care of it for us, and categorize it as ugly, vulgar and terrifying?

It’s my belief that the time has come to do death a different way. It’s time to learn how to be with it—and, as a result, to love it.

And we do this by embracing death, by changing how we celebrate it, by relinquishing the taboos, and by bringing dying out into the open. We do it, I believe, by returning to the old ways. By keeping the celebration of death close to our hearts, and—if it feels right—in our very homes.

When we do, we are not only embracing death. We are embracing life. We are becoming more fully human by learning to say goodbye differently. By loving each other in death, we are loving life—all the way to the very end.

You may also enjoy reading The Courageous Art of Supporting Someone in Grief (At Any Age) by Angie Lucas

The post Doing Death Differently: Embracing the Home Funeral appeared first on BEST SELF.

A new connection to meditation & brain stimulation yields impactful subconscious reprogramming and a more vibrant, intuitive self

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Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

~ Howard Thurman

 If I were to ask you how alive you feel on a daily basis, what would you answer?

Neuroscientists have discovered that we operate 95 to 99 percent of our lives from subconscious programs. Considering this we can say that we are spending our lives in a type of hypnotic state, which is the exact opposite of being alive. To become alive means to become aware; to become aware of our subconscious patterns in the form of thoughts, emotions and actions. And what’s most important? To become aware of what we really want in life and what we came here to do…

There are 7.4 billion people living on this beautiful planet and everyone wants the same thing- happiness. What does happiness mean to you, anyway? And when was the last time you asked yourself what makes you happy? I mean, truly happy.

It is said that the number one reason why we don’t live the life we desire is that we don’t know what we want or what makes us happy.

And there’s a profound reason behind that. From cradle to grave we are surrounded by a society that is programming us to shift our attention and awareness from our inner cosmos to the external world. From an early age we are pushed to suspend our thoughts and feelings and conform to teachers, preachers, parents and friends…

Sometimes when you are alone, instead of scrolling social media on your smart device, just take time to observe children. Witness how authentic, pure and connected they are. Then look at adults and see how fragile, lost and unconnected the majority of them appear to be. And as a result of the inevitable programming, most of us begin to identify with our environment and material things. Which means that we have put the responsibility for our own happiness out of our control while subconsciously reacting to external factors. Simultaneously, our cunning ego is tricking us into believing that we are in control.

All that we see and experience in the physical realm is a reflection of our collective mind. If we want our external world to change, we need to start by going within, because all the answers are found in the stillness of the mind. Yes, even the answer to happiness. You’ve probably heard the old saying that happiness is an inside job — those who know it, know it.

I can already hear you asking: “Yes, of course, but how? How can we go deeper within the layers of our mind to find the meaningful answers for ourselves? How can we become more aware and take back control of our lives?”

The answer is simple and I think that you already know it: meditation.

The daily practice of meditation is the most efficient and powerful item in our mental and spiritual toolbox to heighten our level of awareness and raise consciousness.

Modern science has proven the positive effect of meditation on our wellbeing in countless studies all over the world. It has proven what the ancients knew intuitively centuries ago: That focused meditation is the key to unlocking the mysteries of the mind.

It therefore follows that, in order to really awaken and become more aware of our unconscious programming, it would be wise to develop a conscious daily habit of meditation. But based on my experience it happens to be a pretty difficult habit to develop.

In retrospect, my journey to meditation began many years ago when I visited my parents for the weekend. Out of curiosity, I happened to scroll through my parents library and a thin book about meditation grabbed my attention (as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear). As a personal development enthusiast, I had read many different blogs and articles about the benefits of meditation and at that moment, holding this book in my hand, I felt deep down that this was a sign to welcome this ‘weird’ concept called meditation into my life.

During my initial attempts I slowly started to become aware of how much rubbish and nonsense is in my head and that I’m actually not in control of my mind. It wasn’t easy at the beginning, my mind was constantly wandering off and I was very inconsistent. To be honest, I was struggling and was beginning to think that meditation wasn’t for me! As a naturally lazy person, I knew that there must be some sort of shortcut to make my journey of self-discovery easier and more pleasurable. This ongoing search led me to different apps, guided meditations and binaural beats. I tried out every possible tool that I found online, but no matter how hard I tried, I lacked the daily consistency of the practice, because I simply got bored of listening to the same audio every day.

Then fortune smiled upon me. Through a series of mysterious synchronicities, an app called Synctuition showed up as a helpful tool for my ongoing journey of the mind mastery. I was blown away by the concept and audio quality, as well as how utterly easy it made reaching a meditative state, while listening to pleasant musical masterpiece the same time.

It occurred to me by intuition, and music was the driving force behind that intuition. My discovery was the result of musical perception. ~ Albert Einstein

Just as music was one of the preconditions that led Einstein to his discoveries, I became curious and wanted to find the connections between brain, music and intuition. I found out that our brain processes are based on electrical waves that have a frequency. But electrical frequencies of the left and the right side of the brain tend to be out of sync with one another, and therefore there is often less-than-perfect communication between the two. The good news is that these electrical frequencies respond to sound and can be synchronized by what we hear. Some sounds with very specific frequencies are able to achieve this synchronizing effect significantly better than others. For example, the violin that Einstein had a passion for from the age of six and the app I found have the same qualities.

With every listening session, our brainwave patterns of the left and the right side of the brain become synchronized to a specific beat pattern by making neurons in the left and right side of the brain fire together. And neurons that fire together wire together – they wire together across the brain – creating new permanent connections between the left and the right side of the brain.

The formula is very simple: More connectivity between brain hemispheres means more powerful intuition.

Besides helping to deepen my connections to intuition, I can also honestly say that Synctuition has been very practical tool for developing my daily meditation habit, because of its unique structure. The program consists of 60 different sound tracks, but there’s a catch! You can’t simply listen to whichever track grabs your fancy. The system has 12 hour intervals built in between each track, which makes you feel like a kid again, waiting for tomorrow to get the next piece of chocolate from the Christmas calendar. Because humans are addicted to the new, the anticipation and forced wait helped me to meditate almost every day for 80 days until summer arrived — and of course, life happened. However, once the novelty of sunshine wore off (I live in Estonia), I got back on track with another round and am enjoying it more than ever!

Thanks to the 80 days of consistent meditation I can proudly say that I’m not the same person who I was half a year ago. I feel a constant, overwhelming presence and awareness no matter how hectic my day might be, even if the circumstances are testing. I’m incredibly grateful for the countless epiphanic moments that occurred during my daily practice which, combined with unexpected synchronicities, has led me to amazing new experiences. In short, my intuition and baseline happiness have risen and I tackle the game of life with more confidence and a non-judgmental attitude towards everything and everyone, including myself.

During these seemingly dark and materialistic times, the world needs people who have come alive, are connected to their inner selves, and are free to express their true gifts.

 I believe that each and every one of us should spend some time – however much time is necessary — to discover and reflect upon our purpose, our deeper calling and meaning in this precious life. It is our job to heed the call of our deeper selves. All the answers are within — but we must take the time to listen to that inner voice. Breathe in, breathe out… Namaste.

>Make happiness a habit and have a little aural taste of Synctution’s first 3 tracks completely free! Learn more at Synctuition.com

You may also enjoy Morning Yoga & Meditation for Energy, Awareness and Intention by Carter Miles

The post Meditation 2.0: A New Connection to Brain Stimulation and Self Awareness appeared first on BEST SELF.

A professor’s journey to becoming adopted by a Native American Tribe after a lifetime of building cross-cultural bridges

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My life has existed at the crossroads of two cultures for more than three decades — one foot planted in the modern American paradigm and the other equally in that of the Native American. Recently, I was deeply honored to be adopted into an American Indian Tribe, an extraordinary event which punctuated my journey of building cross-cultural bridges and mutual understanding. This story begins here:

I met Melinda on a river trip. I was on a leave of absence from teaching; she was a physician practicing allopathic family medicine on the Navajo Reservation. This fateful meeting changed my life personally and professionally.

Melinda’s experience on the reservation piqued my interest in American Indian studies that went way beyond the Hollywood stereotypes and mascot politics of Native Americans. In particular, I was intrigued by Melinda’s relationship with Mrs. Stanley, an honored medicine woman who was also her clinic’s nurse and interpreter’s mother. When Melinda could not figure out a difficult diagnosis in her clinic she would say, “Maybe you should see Mrs. Stanley up on the mesa…” — meaning a traditional Navajo diagnostician would take over. Likewise, when Mrs. Stanley saw something she thought allopathic medicine would heal she would say to her client, “Maybe you should see that white lady doctor down in the valley…”

This mutual respect between two healers inspired Melinda to learn Navajo so that she could speak to her patients in their own language. She believed that working collaboratively with native people was the most powerful way to impact their healing.

This practice served her well in her capacity as a consultant for over 20 years to the Indian Health Service on reservations throughout Montana.

Melinda and I married 15 months after that trip, and we both went on to finish our graduate studies at the University of Arizona. While there, I had the honor and life-changing good fortune to work closely with the noted Native American scholars, Vine Deloria, Jr. and N. Scott Momaday. I took their classes, visited with them over coffee, and listened to their stories about life on reservations. What impressed me the most was that these men were able to balance exploring new worlds — literally and academically — while remaining deeply connected to their own culture and families. This is something I have since strived to achieve in my own life.

I think back now to the very first class I taught at MSUB when I was publically confronted (and ironically the only time such an incident occurred) with the question, “What makes you think you can teach Native American Studies when you are not an Indian?” Whoa, I said to myself, This could be a short career here. And I answered the most honest way I could think of relating back to what I learned from my mentors, “Yes, I am not a Native, and I have studied under some of the best American Indian scholars and I admire and respect Native culture and contributions. I know about the general dynamics of tribal societies, the history of American Indian people, as well as treaty law and federal Indian policy, and I would like to share that knowledge and respect with any who cares to listen. I will never purport to say what Indians think about this or that, because I am not one.

I will honor and listen to both sides of the story and share the Native historical side because so little of it has been accurately reported.”

And thus began my 30+ year career in Native American Studies.

As a professor and a teacher of diversity training workshops, my primary goal has always been to accurately tell stories and share information that others may not know. So many of these stories — the true DNA of a people — were culled from my previous international travels as well as from my Native students.

Many of my students were first generation college students who did not have the luxury of being ‘just students’. Like so many from similar first generation families, they were also parents, full-time workers (outside of class times), and care providers to elders of their families. Many had special obligations to their families, clans and societies that required them to be present at tribal ceremonies that were not regulated by the university calendar. Being American Indians in a public state university, many had to leave the comfort zone of their own towns and families and learn how to live the duality of both worlds: the white majority society and their own rural reservation. Many of my non-Indian students had no idea of the unreported American Indian perspective of history. For example, what it was like to be a contemporary Native American who could be listening to the latest rap tune on his/her iPhone while going to a Sundance (where upon it would be put away after a stern glance from an elder). All of this provided me with abundant opportunities for an exchange of information and cross-cultural understanding.

This past spring of 2016, upon my retirement from Montana State University-Billings (MSUB), in recognition of my life’s work, I was bestowed one of the highest of honors — being formally adopted into the Crow Tribe of Montana. While it is not so rare for a ‘trusted friend’ of the Crow Tribe to be adopted (such as Barack Obama), my adoption was unique in that it took place off the reservation in the university gymnasium before approximately 1500 people. Since it was conducted off the reservation, to assure that the ceremony was performed in a traditionally correct way, it had to have the approval and blessing of many Crow elders from districts across the vast reservation (almost 2.5 million acres, about the size of Connecticut). This was accomplished thanks to my colleague, Reno Charette (Crow) and her family, with the assistance of many Native students such as Levi Yellowmule, a traditional Crow Indian who received academic credit for his key role in aiding my cross-cultural adoption.

My adoption ceremony was filled with cherished memories. In a sage and cedaring blessing ceremony earlier in the day, I was given a Crow name: Bawaaeechecheiishiitche. You cannot be ‘adopted’ without being ‘born’ and given a new name. The approximate English translation of my Crow name is: He who enjoys teaching and sharing with others. During the ceremony, Melinda and my sister, Hilary, were gifted with traditional clothing — one of the many physical and spiritual gifts that were given to us throughout the day. Becoming a member of the Crow tribe was certainly the most significant singular honor ever bestowed upon me — a day I will never forget. The connections and the cultural bridges that were built out of my initial curiosity and admiration and willingness to ‘learn another way’ and not be afraid of what I might find eventually led to mutual understanding and trust in a truly extraordinary cultural embrace.

So, after 35 years out west, and on the heels of being bestowed with this extraordinary honor, Melinda and I have just returned to my home state of New York, looking to meet new friends, to share old stories and create new ones. For as my new name so accurately proclaims, I truly enjoy sharing with others.

Aho’

Jeff Sanders (Bawaaeechecheiishiitche)

You may also enjoy reading Art Is Our Teacher: Let’s Learn From Rather than Destroy the Art which Reflects Our Past by Jill Skye.

The post Into the Tribe | Being Adopted by a Native American Tribe appeared first on BEST SELF.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Disruptions: A journey into poetry, wonder, and the creative mind

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You can be stripped of everything at any moment. That awareness guides me to pay attention to what I think I have in my possession.

If each of our lives were a book, then a day in the life can ramble on like an incoherent run-on sentence. If you’re like me, you can shoot ahead with your productivity hacks, proud by day’s end for getting things done — or by dusk you simply might feel like the walking dead.

It doesn’t take long for our feet to wear a rut born of habit in our daily path.

If we’re fortunate, during any given day something surprising startles our heart long enough to arrest the bustle and disrupt our rut. An impromptu conversation with a stranger flips the way you view your relationship. The violinist in the subway, hat at feet, plays a melody that halts you in your tracks and lets you feel for once the profound unrest your job gives you. The way dusk light strikes your ailing mother’s face lets you see as if for the first time the human being inside.

Or a poem, so simple and unobtrusive, shivers your spine as you absorb inside the planet’s plight that beforehand was an abstraction.

In such disruptions, an opening occurs.

Your notions of what matters, what you’re supposed to care about — something strips you of them. For a moment. For a moment, the to-do list, the errands, the meeting, the airplane can wait.

I’m a bit obsessed with tracking those oft-quiet disruptions, openings, strippings.

I have been for a long while at least since I was 20 years old and got my tow head rattled by writers like Henry David Thoreau and poet-pediatrician William Carlos Williams. I was a distracted kid given to daydreams and abstractions, my senses not always rooted in the ways of this world, but Thoreau’s words acted like a strange calling to ground down: “It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look.”

While my friends took the right roads to pre-law, pre-med, pre-MBA, I veered left into the humanities and poetics. To my friends at the time, the highest good seemed to be to make money. I simply wanted to make meaning. Could you make a living making meaning by painting your perception? I wondered and set out to find out.

Studying and writing poetry became a way to open my eyes and pay attention better.

It was less a medium of self-expression than of self-expansion. I stood on the Austin drag, notebook in hand, and observed stragglers and students alike, talked with them, imagined their lives more richly. I didn’t hunger for a life of bravado, fame, and mountain-scaling adventure. I wanted instead a simple life of inner adventure that constituted how to pay attention to any day that I might behold its details well enough to make something of it – meaning or art. If I learned the craft ably enough to render something worth reading that would in turn shift the way someone else felt or reshaped a person’s day in a good way, well, that would be a bonus.

But I admit there is something subtly rebellious in writing poetry in a prosaic world, in shaping a lyrical life in what seems at times a tone-deaf world abuzz. Reading poetry, it turns out, can be outright dangerous.

Poetry and the Inner Outlaw

A poem can quietly stir our “outlaw brain” from its cave. If the law-abiding brain is the literal, logical, rational brain that insists upon black-and-white thinking, productivity, and bottom-line rationales, then the outlaw brain says, “Wait. There’s more. And it’s messy.” The outlaw brain thinks in metaphor, paradox, ambivalence. Nuanced feelings and ideas get aroused, and now that irritation you’ve been trying to ignore – that if itched a bit more might reveal a deeper wound — won’t go away.

You can carry certain lines from certain poems with you like your life’s touchstones. “You must change your life” is the startling closing line to a poem by Rainer Rilke, and I hear that line like a clarion almost every 7 years. “I wake to sleep/and take my waking slow” mirrors how I view my life’s unfolding and opens Theodore Roethke’s “The Waking” – a poem I read to an English Department I chaired on the day I resigned from that post and resigned from full-time teaching or full-time working for anyone but my best self thereafter, nearly 20 years ago. “Live in the layers, not on the litter” and “I am not done with my changes” comes from “The Layers” by Stanley Kunitz, who died at 101 years old. Are you done?

Some poems act as prayers or meditations that prompt us to slow down and contemplate. Others act as encoded calls to revolution in terms of how we think, act, relate, or face big issues. Why, we must ask, was a man recently imprisoned in Turkey for reading a poem? Why are poets in Cameroon and China imprisoned? How do we speak out about the things we care about?

Poetry excites our inner music, and for that reason Plato wanted poets exiled from his philosophical Republic.

Poetry, according to some neuroscientists, is music of the mind.

Their research so far shows that some poems stimulate brain areas associated with introspection. Poems can turn on the brain in ways music does, producing the feeling of a “shiver-down-the-spine.” Poetry helps us find the music in monotone days.

And poetry reminds us we are feeling creatures challenged to grasp one another’s reality. 90% of people in the US surveyed by the Illinois-based Poetry Foundation said they read poetry in part because it helped them understand other people. In a divisive social and political climate that encourages people to take sides and stances, a poem like African-American poet Patricia Smith’s “Skinhead,” told from the point of view of a white male self-described racist and homophobe, can be a radical act of compassion. Poetry helps us favor curiosity over categories.

Coat Thief

These days I live in a farmhouse in New York’s Hudson Valley from where I run an international consultancy business and grow a family with my wife and two girls. My small team and I help professionals, authors, and teams shape their message with integrity and build a business, brand, and platform to support it. Saying those words about building a business and growing a family would be alien if not anathema to that 20-year-old’s ears.

But I still write poetry.

One early morning, I tiptoe to my studio before anyone else is awake. Within minutes, my six-year-old girl wanders in, says she has an upset stomach, and vomits an amoeba-shaped puddle on the hard wood floor. I coax her to the chaise lounge, give her water, and play bansuri flute music on Pandora to quell her spirits. As I get to the mat to practice a little yoga, the two-year-old girl bounces in. I grab a box of Legos, guide her to a corner of the study, and with both girls nearby, practice and then write. In such a morning there is poetry. There is music.

The paying attention required to make a poem slows down my electrified mind. It grants me something tangible and gratifying to show that I gathered some minutiae from the day and made something of it – not unlike a tow-headed boy still filling his pockets with pebbles to see if he might make a simple sculpture or rock mound for his mother.

Many poems are born from wonder. They arise from ferreting my way into the most ordinary moments.

But they also arise from what I do not completely comprehend and feel stymied in responding to in any other way than in making a poem – why men and women butt heads and speak in different tongues, how we human beings fixate on measuring meaning with data, how we find lyricism amidst confusing life transitions, how we relate to our wild feathered and finned neighbors, how art and art-making change us, how we try to stretch time, the challenges we have in singing out about what matters.

The other side of making poems is giving poems. I want a poem to rattle something stuck ajar, however delightful or disruptive that jolt may be.

The poetry collection Coat Thief proffers 38 such quiet jolts, I hope. The collection begins with an epigraph by Annie Dillard: “Each day is a god, and holiness holds forth in time.” By most cultural clock standards, each day only gives us 24 hours. To me, that’s like being given only 14 lines in a sonnet.

What can you do with those constraints?

How much art can you make?

How can you paint part of the day with your perception?

How will you punctuate your life sentence?

______________________________

The author reads a poem from Coat Thief:

You may also enjoy Tracking Wonder by Jeffrey Davis

The post Poetry, Wonder And The Creative Mind appeared first on BEST SELF.

Change your life one doodle at at time

A doodle book by Salli Swindell

Change is in the air.

Yes, coloring books are all the rage this season — Change Your Life One Doodle at a Time, is a thought-provoking creative dose of fun that takes it a step further. It’s an interactive art journal to prompt change; change of thought, change of diet, change of perspective, and change of light bulbs, to name a few of the 150 provocations. It’s lighthearted and yet, in the midst of all that fun…it creates space for the depth of true transformation.

If nothing ever changed there’d be no butterflies.

For more of Salli’s work: studiosss.tumblr.com

Purchase the book on Amazon

The post Doodle Book by Salli Swindell appeared first on BEST SELF.

A journey to study the elves of Iceland rekindles a sense of magic and possibility

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This past summer, under the auspice of the bright Nordic sun, I found myself in the parking lot of a nondescript office park in Reykjavik, Iceland, searching for a man.

His name was Magnús Skarphéðinsson, and he was the headmaster of the world’s only elf school.

On my left, my Icelandic friend, Markús, located a small paper sign on the wall with a drawing of a man riding a horse into a magical fire. Next to this ominous graphic was written “The Elf School, 2nd floor” in small bold font.

After months of planning, my belly was nervous with anticipation. I collected my two red bags filled with mini California SunMaid raisins (my gifts to the elves), and I tiptoed up the steps to enter another realm where fantasy and legend were alive and real.

I have always been drawn to magical, hidden worlds. As a child, I absolutely knew that everything was alive — the rocks, the trees, and the angels in old Renaissance paintings. I knew that there were things and beings in existence that were unseen by human eyes.

Among the greatest gifts my grandmother gave to me before she died were her stories from the old country in China, where spirits wandered the countryside at night causing mischief.

She also revealed to me traditional spiritual traditions and ceremonies conducted during important lunar holidays to appease deceased ancestors and curry favor with the gods.

Her stories instilled in me the belief that the world of the living and the world of spirit and legend were one in the same. Also, as members of the world of the living, we must show respect to the unseen kingdoms because they are more vast and more powerful than we could ever imagine.

Because of her influence on me when I was young, I held an unwavering belief in energy, magic, and all things unseen. Later in my life, this would lead me to delve more deeply into human intuition, spirituality, energy healing, and the Akashic records.

However, at some point during my adolescence I came to believe that this was foolish. Under the pressure of my parents, I put my energy into focusing on more “useful” things like standardized testing and getting a job to support the family. Gone were the moments when I would lose myself gathering rocks in the woods or painting the stars in the night sky. For a period of nearly 10 years, I didn’t pick up a single paint brush, I and denied the rich world of spirit that was always gently beckoning me.

Until I saw my first glimpse of Iceland.

It was a photo my college classmate brought back depicting him and his colleagues knee deep in dirt and mud and surrounded by lush green fields. He was doing archaeological excavations in a northern town called Sauðárkrókur — a place where I would later ride Icelandic horses and visit a woman whose backyard housed a city of elves.

The harsh and magnificent terrain of Iceland holds a distinctly mystical quality that pervades the land.

Iceland itself is a living wonderland of paradox and delight. In a country of glaciers and icebergs, there are also active volcanoes and pools bubbling with thermal heat.

Icelanders are decedents of Vikings, Celts, and Nordic chieftains whose history is recorded in their sagas. These family sagas speak of politics, battles, and family feuds, and, much like the epics of Virgil and Homer, they also speak of myth, pagan gods, and legendary beings such as elves and huldufólk, hidden people.

This belief in the mystical is not only part of Iceland’s history, but it is also part of everyday discourse. In fact, many Icelanders have first or second-person accounts of interactions with elves and hidden people who live in dwellings invisible to most human eyes.

Icelanders refer to a time not too long ago when humans coexisted harmoniously with the elven people. Now, however, because humans no longer maintain a profound relationship with the earth, the elves avoid human contact. This tenuous relationship between humans and elves even made mainstream Icelandic news when it was reported that angry elves caused accidents and harm to workers at a construction sight because people were destroying their homes. In the end, the government made apologies to the elves and worked around the location where they purportedly lived.

As I step through the door of the Elf School, I found myself surrounded by statues of dwarves, trolls, gnomes, and other creatures of lore.

I strained to locate Magnús, as there were columns of boxes, old books, and periodicals stacked to the ceiling obstructing my view. The surroundings resembled an academic’s office, filled to the brim with research materials and paperwork. (I later found out that Magnus is actually a historian and his brother, Össur Skarphéðinsson, was the Minister of Foreign Affairs.)

Ahead of me were two French tourists, registering at the front desk. They had heard of the Elf School from an interview Magnús did on Icelandic TV. Speaking to them in perfect English was a grey-bearded man whose eyes were obviously sparkling with delight. When it was our turn, Markús said something in Icelandic to the seated headmaster.

Utterly overcome with excitement, Magnús rose up from his seat, revealing a giant figure of a man — a cross between a Viking warrior and Santa Claus. He exclaimed,“In nearly 20 years of the Elf School, there has never been an Icelandic student!” he laughs, “Welcome!”

Bright-eyed students gripped their notebooks and headed into the classroom, where Magnús would spend the next several hours recounting his personal, in-depth interviews with the over 800 people who have had first-person interactions with elves and hidden people. Some of these people have had decades-long friendships or relationships with these beings, have been invited to their homes, and even raised families with them.

We sat and listened, soaking in every detail.

For nearly seven years, the mystery of Iceland had been tugging at my heartstrings. My body craved the freshness of wild food and the touch of warm white silica against my skin. My heart longed for the serenity of a pure and untouched landscape. Most of all, my soul longed for old magic, the kind of vibrant energy inherent in the living earth from the time of creation.

Up until my trip, my life in the city had been consumed by building my coaching business, recovering from heartbreak, and desperate attempts to nurse my terminally ill grandparents back to health. After nearly three years of this, I began to lose myself and my spirit. Once so full of curiosity and life, I began to retreat. I was getting sick more often, I was always worried about money and my family, and I felt like a shadow of a person in my own life.

I craved rawness and wonder. I wanted to reconnect to what the Sioux call “The Great Mystery,” the force that connects all things.

The truth is, most people are so conditioned and regimented in their lives that they lose any connection to the greater forces at work. Once we disconnect from magic, we disconnect from grace and the divine. As a result, similar to a flower cut from its roots, our spiritual life force weakens as we lose our connection to nature and the flow of life. We become anxiety ridden and blind to the complex ecosystem that surrounds and supports us.

I knew nothing short of a miracle had brought me to the Arctic Circle to visit Magnús’ Elf School. As I pondered this series of events, Magnús’ partner sauntered into the classroom with a heaping platter of scrumptious cream-filled pancakes and hot tea. Sitting together like an odd family of misfits, we lightheartedly chatted about elves and made jokes about how our Elf School certification would help us in the competitive job market.

I felt at home. To speak openly about magic and magical beings healed my soul. It integrated the disparate pieces of my reality and allowed both realities of the visible and invisible to coexist. It reminded me of my grandmother and the grace that brought our group together from all ends of the earth to share this experience.

After nearly four hours of elf study, Magnús proudly handed us our Elf-School graduation certificates, and we hugged and wished each other well on our journeys.

The elves were with me during the rest of my trip through Iceland. In fact, they even left me a gift.

While hiking up a waterfall in the southern region of Hella, I was inspired to ask my new elven friends to help me find a special rock to bring home with me.

Rocks have always spoken to me, and I have a deep affinity to those that contain smaller fragments of stone within their crevices. I could spend hours peering into the depths of these rocks.

With no luck in my search at the waterfall, I gave up and suggested to my travel companion, Scott, that we stop by a roadside fried fish stand, Sveitagrill Miu (Mia’s Country Grill), to grab lunch. We were the only ones there and as we waited for the owner to take our order, I immediately felt an instinct to look down.

I yelped with joy as, right between my feet, I found the most marvelous rock I’d ever seen. It was an odd-looking trapezoid with a tiny mouth-like opening that contained a perfectly small round stone inside. It looked like the stone was chewing a giant wad of gum, and it was love at first sight.

Absolutely jubilant, I thanked the elves and ate my fish and chips with a heart full of love and awe. Scott, no doubt, thought I was out of my mind.

As the sun began to set, I remember the distinct satisfaction of knowing that, finally, I had reconnected to magic and it had welcomed me with open arms.

Learn more about the author at: anntsui.com

You may also enjoy reading Mindful of the Dead | Lessons From a Reluctant Psychic by Perdita Finn

The post Invitation To Magic | Studying the Elves of Iceland appeared first on BEST SELF.

Adult coloring books that speak to your soul

Somewhere along the way, most of us started out life with a box of crayons and a coloring book…and then somehow we forgot…we forgot about time-out, downtime, and the power of transformative meditation via creative outlets. Then we entered worlds full of to-do lists and stressors, and the rest was history.

It’s no wonder that adult coloring books are all the rage – there’s nothing like a bunch of crayons, colored pencils, pens, and a coloring book to transport one away. These spiritually minded coloring books, Sacred Nature and Sacred Symbols, designed by Lydia Hess, were created for the soul and are paired with impactful words –little notes-to-self as you lose yourself in the creative process.

Meditative and mystical images paired with wisdom-infused text invite the reader to color away stress and anxiety, or just come out and play – to reconnect and reclaim a part of themselves long forgotten.

Can we talk conscious gift-giving to ourselves and others?!

Download a free sample page here

Learn more and buy the books here

Watch the video:

The post Coloring Books For The Soul appeared first on BEST SELF.

Have spray paint, will make the world a more magical place. In Pursuit of Magic: two female street artists on a crusade to elevate consciousness and amplify meaning in the world.

Have you ever randomly come across a message on a sidewalk or park bench spoke directly to you and made you smile – a message from the universe? When Betty Kay Kendrick and Chloe Crespi first met, they knew they were meant to do something together. In fact, they stayed together that afternoon until they figured it out. The words, “In Pursuit of Magic,” flashed before them and the rest is whimsical, creative, deeply meaningful, collaborative history.

A self-proclaimed global team of positivity vandals spreading magic, they created a stencil and started spray-painting messages in San Francisco and New York. Social media images began popping up everywhere. Check out their site (and while you are there, join the movement)!

Tumblr blog

pursuitofmagic.com

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For jazz legend Jack DeJohnette, music is a deeply spiritual experience

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Jack DeJohnette is the kind of jazz musician who almost makes me wish the word “jazz” would dissolve for a moment — not for long, because I love it too much. But maybe just long enough that people who don’t identify as jazz fans would be lured into the multiverse of sounds and styles, rhythms and colors that DeJohnette produces seemingly without effort, and hear it as the universal music it is. Crisp rolling thunder from the bass and snare drums, splashes from the cymbals that can sound like spring rain falling on sassafras leaves or a tin roof, and the timeless resonance of what could be a Tibetan brass bowl or temple bell. But that’s only his percussion entourage. DeJohnette’s first instrument was the piano and he still plays a number of keyboards, including a delightful melodica that can lend a childlike glee to the mix.

And what a mix it has been. Over the span of forty-five years, DeJohnette has shared the stage and recording studio with legends ranging from musical mystic John Coltrane to the electric jazz innovator Miles Davis (on his epochal album Bitches Brew); from Sonny Rollins to Sun Ra to keyboard deity Keith Jarrett. In all that time Jack has played on more recordings than any jazz drummer — as leader, co-leader, and sideman — but he had never won a Grammy until 2009 when he was awarded Best New Age Album for a solo CD of ambient music called Peace Time. How intriguing that this master of endless invention and complex composition was singled out for the kind of music more suitable for meditation than for dancing in your head.

As a jazz writer, I had followed DeJohnette’s career almost from the beginning, but now I had begun to wonder about an aspect of Jack’s persona that I had maybe overlooked: his spiritual side. So I decided to sit down with Jack not only to discuss his multidimensional career, but also to find out what energies — physical and metaphysical — he draws on when he’s making music. And I wanted to learn how that music expresses Jack’s best, innermost self. I began by asking what precisely happens within him when he’s playing, whether in the recording studio or before a live audience.

“Music can transform you, and stimulate your feeling of being at one with everything — which most of the time we are, even if we’re not conscious of it,” DeJohnette says.

“And it doesn’t matter what instrument you’re playing. It could be your voice, a bass, or guitar. But when somebody plays it, something else happens in the connection between the fingers and that instrument. It opens up the consciousness to what I call the Library of Cosmic Ideas.

“When we play live for an hour or ninety minutes and we feel like we’ve only been up there for five minutes, we transcend the concept of linear time. We go right to the source where there is no time, and everything is happening simultaneously. And when you’re playing with an audience, rather than an entertainment, it’s a communion of souls who are there to inspire and be inspired by the music. You can feel it in the audience and you can feel it on stage. You can see the energy lines. The audience is very important to the resonance of the music.”

Relaxing at the kitchen island that connects with the spacious living room of his home in the hills above Woodstock, New York, DeJohnette is a trim-looking 72, with a warm smile and an unfussy attitude. When I ask him to elaborate further on what he experiences while playing, though, he is careful in choosing his words.

He doesn’t think “spiritual” is quite accurate, yet he knows that something is happening that can’t be defined in standard musical terminology.

“There’s some kind of ‘otherworldly’ — just to use that term — sense that I’ve tapped into other dimensions of existence. It wasn’t just me playing, but I was being assisted by either guides or other souls—a connection to other realms of existence, shall we say? It’s not just the ego “I” that’s doing it. It’s sort of a cooperative situation. You sit down to play and you don’t know what’s coming. They may know before you execute it, but in that nanosecond an idea comes out, or a phrase or voicing comes out. Voicing a chord can have a ‘spiritual’ effect, just that combination of sounds.

“Music is related to the spheres, the planets. The earth has a certain frequency. The sun hums. I tune into all of that. Keith Jarrett does — he channels, too. You’re aware that you’re working with other entities, other consciousnesses.

“When I sit down at the drums or the piano, it’s a discovery, it’s an adventure. Music is sound sculpture.

“You can create soundscapes just like painters create landscapes. Even if you don’t have it recorded, it’s not lost. I believe it’s heard or seen on many different levels. Nothing ever dies; everything is infinite. We’ve been taught a watered-down version of what ‘time and space’ is, that we’re in a three-dimensional reality, which we are not. We’re in a multidimensional reality with potentials that may seem remarkable to us — but these potentials are quite normal from an interplanetary or galactic point of view.”

DeJohnette’s reference to landscapes isn’t accidental. His wife of 47 years, Lydia, enjoys making art, and several of her semi-abstract paintings brighten their lively, raw-wood home. And when I ask Jack where he places himself on the spectrum of jazz drummers — ranging from the propulsive athleticism of Elvin Jones, who played in Coltrane’s celebrated quartet, to the finely shaded drumming of Tony Williams, who anchored Miles’s classic quintet before Jack took his place — he chooses a metaphor from the realm of art.

“I think of myself more as a colorist than just a drummer — a drummer who colors music like a painter, with shading, dynamics, and electronics. I have an electronic percussion module, although I use it discreetly. I approach electronics from an acoustic point of view. It’s just another palette.”

Then maybe it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me (although it did) to learn that the first percussionist who influenced him was not one of those legendary names from the jazz pantheon, but Vernel Fournier, a drummer’s drummer who played on a best-selling album with Ahmad Jamal. “Vernel had taste,” Jack says. “Leaving space. His use of time and space and harmony and melody was fantastic.”

DeJohnette’s appreciation for subtlety, for “leaving space,” is part of the secret of his longevity, both as a leader and as a drummer who is in constant demand by top-flight performers from Sonny Rollins to Paul Simon. By emphasizing coloration, shading, and tonality, he is able to conserve energy — which he can tap in abundance to play as hard and fast as any rock drummer. He is helped in this by a regular yoga practice that also keeps his body flexible.

“One of the things I have worked on and still work on is getting in a space where I have to expend the least amount of effort to get the maximum output. Being conscious of breathing, like in yoga — being in the right balance of tension and relaxation. I talked to Sonny Rollins about that. He said a lot of people who do yoga get dressed up in outfits, but there’s something very spiritual about yoga that you work toward through the breathing — getting oxygen to those places in the body that may have blocks. I use that same concept when I’m at the [drum] kit. I feel like I’m riding a wave, an energetic, creative wave. I feel like I’m being carried by the creative consciousness. I hear Miles in my head sometimes, or I hear Coltrane. I think that corroborates that we never die.”

When we had spoken earlier about death, DeJohnette made it clear that he takes a metaphysical approach to life as much as to music. “I believe that we are infinite,” he said.

“We go through the process of birth and death, and death is just a mechanism by which the soul departs the physical body. But only a portion of that soul is in this physical body. People talk about life after death and immortality. We are immortal already. Some people believe that once you pass away that’s it — it’s darkness. But we’re reminded of the fact that we continue after we leave this body every time we go to sleep and have dreams. The things that happen in those dreams: you can bilocate from one place to another, you can fly. The astral body is free, and the creative mind takes what we deal with in our everyday life and puts on a play. It can help us or frighten us, or make us reconsider our views of things.”

As a young man Jack read books about astral projection, and one Sunday afternoon he decided to try it out for himself. “I took a nap and I said, ‘Okay, I’m going to go outside of my body.’ And sure enough, I fell asleep and my astral body went up to the ceiling and I was looking down on my body on the couch. But then I thought, ‘Holy shit, how do I get back there?’ You’re supposedly connected by a silver cord, so I communicated to my physical body and got back in. Sometimes I do that in dreams too. I get so excited just imagining all the different dimensions, all the humanoid species that are and that have been. There’s so much more to us.”

DeJohnette’s appreciation for the unity of life extends to the world of nature as well. “Trees and rocks and animals have feelings,” he says. “When you go out in the woods, you feel at one with them — looking at a flower or feeling trees. I say ‘thank you’ to the trees because they’re like brothers or sisters who sacrificed their lives to build this house, to give us shelter or the instruments that I play. There are so many connections, so many things to be grateful for, because everything is interconnected.”

This brings us to a discussion of the healing power of music.

DeJohnette reveals that his grandmother took him to services at the Christian Science church in Chicago, where he grew up. “At the time I didn’t know how spiritual that was,” he says of the teachings of Mary Baker Eddy about healing with the mind and through prayer. Although he never actually joined the church, the philosophy predisposed him to the idea that we can be healed by methods other than standard medical procedures and drugs.

While DeJohnette was still in Chicago (he moved to New York City in the ‘60s before relocating upstate), he had the chance to hear John Coltrane’s Quartet on many occasions. Some critics initially labeled Coltrane’s explosive saxophone playing as “hate music,” mistaking the fierce energy in his sound for anger. DeJohnette sees it differently. “Intensity, passion, and love were all there. It wasn’t angry, it was just so powerful. It was like going to church.”

Indeed, one night when he was listening to Coltrane, someone in the audience went into a kind of ecstatic state. “Trane started playing and this guy just went — like the Spirit hit him! They had to carry him out. It was not unlike an African healing ceremony.”

Years later, DeJohnette observed just such a healing ceremony in Dakar, Senegal, that went on for four days. “The drums are well respected there. And I saw a guy who had lost his memory. Some spirit had entered him and he couldn’t remember people. Other people who had had similar experiences and had been healed were there for support. I had become friends with the master drummer’s sons and they let my wife and me sit in the center of the ceremony. The drums were playing in 6/8 rhythm, slowing down and speeding up, and women were dancing along with the rhythm. And in the middle of the fourth day, the guy snapped out of it and recognized people again. That’s the power of rhythm and music.”

Although he feels that all the music he plays can have a healing effect on listeners, Jack specifically set out to create music to facilitate Lydia’s vibrational healing practice, resulting in Peace Time and an earlier album, Music in the Key of Om.

“I used to have a problem when I went to a spa to get a massage and some of the [background] music they played had people noodling too many notes, and it wasn’t relaxing at all. Music should take the stress off of you. So I went into an altered state when I made this CD, to see if it would relax me — and it put me into a zone. And a lot of other people have had the same response. Some people have used it to help put their kid to sleep, or when they were healing from some kind of illness. I use it when I’m on the road because it helps me go to sleep.”

A friend of Jack’s who works as a nurse convinced a local hospital to play both of his ambient CDs in the hallways and rooms, with the result that the attitudes of patients in hospice or recovery there improved markedly.

Another way that Jack evokes the spiritual is by responding in the moment to everything that happens when he’s playing.

One of his earliest concerts that I reviewed took place in 1977 at Joe Papp’s Public Theater in Manhattan. During a quiet moment in the show, the bass player’s amp started to emit a loud, irritating feedback hum. Some bandleaders might have waited for the noise to stop, or just ignored the distraction and played over it. Not Jack, who, as I wrote, “started OM-ing on the same wavelength as the hum. Other band members joined in, and alto sax player Arthur Blythe tied it all up with a streetcorner bass harmony that brought laughter from the audience.”

When I retell that story to Jack, he wails with laughter himself, then matches it. “I look at it as theater sometimes. Recently in Europe I was playing with Joe Lovano and the bassist Esperanza Spaulding. Esperanza moved the chair she was sitting on and it made a loud squealing sound. She looked mortified and said, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry.’ And I said, ‘Move it again.’ And we built an improv off of that. So something she thought was a mistake, I thought was part of the music. But you have to be alert.”

Jack stays in the moment in even larger ways by playing with rising stars who are not only half his age, but also happen to carry the DNA of great jazz innovators — literally. His stellar new trio includes John Coltrane’s son Ravi (named for the classic Indian sitarist), and Matt Garrison, the son of Jimmy Garrison, who also played in Coltrane’s legendary quartet. Matt, wielding a customized five-string electric bass (his father played only stand-up), occasionally processes the sound through a laptop onstage, showing how far fusion music has come since the days of Bitches Brew. Besides tenor and soprano sax, Ravi also plays sopranino (a shorter version of the soprano that his dad made famous) that he is making his own signature instrument.

Instead of coasting, as a musician with Jack’s track record could afford to do, he is instead taking jazz to the next step, integrating acoustic and electronic sound, free-form and structured composition. In concert, Jack seems to take fewer solos than he hands out to his young bandmates.

But in a sense he is never really in the background, because every sound he elicits from his drum kit is adding some essential flavor — some coloring or shading, to use his words — to the unified whole.

“I’ve always been curious about mixing different things, like an alchemist,” DeJohnette once said. “Different genres of music have always cross-pollinated, but the rate is speeded up now.”

Given all that acceleration — in life and culture — I ask Jack how he maintains both his obvious optimism and his ability to keep generating new approaches to music.

“I believe that in our true natures we’re hard-wired always to come up with fresh creativity anytime we call upon it. That has been the conscious wave that has carried me when I play music. When I get there I’m in a magical space, where the level of listening is intense. That space means I’m home. I’m at one with the creative consciousness — whatever that is! I feel at peace. It’s very healing.”

New music sample: 

Older music sample:

You may also enjoy reading The Mechanics of the Mind: How Transcendental Meditation Creates a State of Bliss by Barbara Ann Briggs

The post Jazz & Spirituality | The Mindful Music of Jack DeJohnette appeared first on BEST SELF.

I have never uttered the words Namaste, but I am perfectly OK if you do.

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I dislike yoga. I think there are five trillion too many books written on how to manifest your perfect material life. I am terrible at team sports, have rageful contempt for the “I want to be a famous guru” crowd and still to this day feel challenged with the walking in, but not of, this spiritual world.

As usual, I am taking the long way around to say I am not drunk on the Kool-Aid. You don’t have to be psychic to pick up on the sense that I am uncomfortable writing on this subject of spirit. I came right out of the gate telling you who I am not, as a result of this discomfort.

The fact that I have been asked to contribute my take on anything spiritual would most certainly make the 1995 version of my current 2015 self laugh in both hilarity and horror. I often feel very self-conscious giving out advice on what I have learned on this path so I am going to reframe it by writing to my younger, more troubled self.

If I could say anything to the 1995 version of myself, that self who would experience a spiritual shake-up the likes that few have seen, one that would go on to be documented in a film and shift the trajectory of my life in unimaginable ways, it would sound something like this:

OK, 1995 punk self, listen. I know you feel like a complete and utter screw-up, battling bottomless depression, and anger with voracious teeth, but hang on, things will change.

Ulcers, acne, anxiety, and alcohol are consuming your reality, but don’t worry, things will change. Magic will occur. Things will shift. Something huge will happen and you will find meaning.

How can I put this so that my 23-year-old self will not go running out the door at the mere mention of the word God? I don’t know how you will take this, but here goes. You will start to have direct experiences that show you that God/Spirit/Source/Creator is without a shadow of a doubt absolutely real. It is not the God you were taught to be fearful of as a preteen, but yes, it is the Divine. Of course you will have a pretty over-the-top, crazy-as-hell breakdown to awaken you to this understanding, but again, don’t worry, it all works out.

Before you become “spiritual,” this dramatic breakdown will scare the hell out of you. Ready? OK, here comes the crazy… The proverbial shit will hit the fan in February of 2004, you will question your sanity when you suddenly start seeing spirits, dead people, odd geometry, chakras, hearing voices, and have premonitory dreams (yes, really). This will literally happen to you overnight and become a daily experience, a part of your everyday fabric. No, you don’t pick up a drug habit prior to this, nor do you hit your head up against a wall. It will crack you open and you will love and hate it at the same time, seeing this new ability as both gift and curse.

You will freak out and you will become obsessed with what is happening to you — asking yourself if you are you sane or insane?

You will meet with doctors, shrinks, and even get an MRI, to bring some semblance of logic or explanation to the mayhem. When the results come back clean and the doctors provide you with no answers, you will continue seeking out others: fringe scientists, mediums, healers, religious leaders, and modern-day mystics to try to figure it out what the hell is going on. After years of struggle and meeting many others, things will shift. Meditation will be useful. You will ground this ability and start to integrate it into your life.

But keep the faith for the silver lining to come — in the middle of this divine madness you will meet Mara, your future wife, at your best friend Rob’s funeral. Once you meet your Mara, you will both be in it together. She will wonder if you are nuts. You will be defensive, but man, look at it from her point of view (can you blame her?). You will sound loony, but she will stay and she will support you. Mara is the greatest gift of your life, yet it will be hard. Your confusion will come in the form of how you initially perceive your experience. You will believe the phenomenon is the spiritual awakening… but it is not. The awakening is your relationship with your future wife, and your relationship to self.

You will lose some friends. You will lose some family. Some will be afraid of your mental state and others will think you are lying. You will start to document your metaphysical experiences and search for understanding. This will be done because spirit tells you to do it. In time you will be guided to create a documentary called Wake Up.

Still with me? I know it is a lot to take in, a great deal to absorb, but I am being brutally honest with you. After some success and attention with Wake Up, you will go on to do a TV show for the Oprah Winfrey Network documenting other people’s spiritual journey called In Deep Shift. You will marry Mara on 12/12/12. It will be a wonderful year.

OK, this is all the big, fantastical stuff. Let’s move into how to navigate through it all. Breakdowns and breakthroughs are both part of the path. Your breakdown is the fear of losing your mind. Your breakthrough is understanding that the spirit world is real. Let’s move into integration.

You arrive on this path because of your experiences, but you have no idea how to walk it.

The spiritual path is hard and the key to the whole damn thing is balance. Once you become aware of a bigger picture it is critical to open your heart, but for the love of God, don’t turn off your brain. Stay open, not foolish.

Here a little cheat sheet of reminders to refer to along the way:

1. There is no killing of the ego. That’s silly. Soften the ego. You have a lot of your identity built into the things you love. You are not the things you love or own.
2. Your relationship with Mara is your true path. She will act as a mirror for you.
3. Be completely honest about your intent.
4. Stay vulnerable.
5. If you have a guru who never answers with “I don’t know,” then run far away.
6. Choosing love over fear doesn’t mean you need to act like a pushover.
7. Be authentic.
8. Try to remember who you are and who you ain’t.
9. Don’t worry. God and the Universe have your back.
10. Laugh and dance as much as possible.

You don’t get a say in some of the things that will happen to you. They are predestined. In some things you have a choice and in others you have the illusion of choice. Get it? No? OK, let’s take a different approach. You are going to wake up one way or the other. This is what I call the business of the soul; the ego does not really get a vote. Again, relax — it all works out. Waking up is a beautiful thing!

OK, 1995 self. I know I just threw a hand grenade at you and ran away down the hall. It is a lot to digest. The way I see it, this all had to happen so you could “see” a bigger picture. Prior to this you were pretty content with just being a depressed victim. Did you really want to be an angry 40-year-old? Things will hit rough spots — that’s life, but you will learn and evolve. Some of the advice I gave you may turn out to be useless, or not applicable down the line. That’s OK too. The only thing I can say for sure is that Spirit is real. Even to this day I get glimpses of it. Not like I used to, but I still see it and am reminded of a bigger plan. God’s plan.

That is all the simple advice I have now. Stay fluid, don’t stress, and know that you are never alone. God bless and see you in 20 years.

jonaselrod.com

You may also enjoy reading Learning to Hear (and Trust) Your Intuition by Venus Castleberg

The post In Deep Shift appeared first on BEST SELF.

An introduction to biocentrism — the idea that the universe can only really be explained through our consciousness

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The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.

John Haldane, Possible Worlds (1927)

The world is not, on the whole, the place described in our schoolbooks.

For several centuries, starting roughly with the Renaissance, a single mindset about the construct of the cosmos has dominated scientific thought. This model has brought us untold insights into the nature of the universe — and countless applications that have transformed every aspect of our lives. But this model is reaching the end of its useful life and needs to be replaced with a radically different paradigm that reflects a deeper reality, one totally ignored until now.

This new model has not arrived suddenly, like the meteor impact that changed the biosphere 65 million years ago. Rather, it is a deep, gradual, tectonic-plate-type alteration with bases that lie so deep, they will never again return from whence they came. Its genesis lurks in the underlying rational disquiet that every educated person palpably feels today. It lies not in one discredited theory, nor in any single contradiction in the current laudable obsession with devising a Grand Unified Theory that can explain the universe. Rather, its problem is so deep that virtually everyone knows that something is screwy with the way we visualize the cosmos.

The old model proposes that the universe was, until rather recently, a lifeless collection of particles bouncing against each other, obeying predetermined rules that were mysterious in their origin. The universe is like a watch that somehow wound itself, and that, allowing for a degree of quantum randomness, will unwind in a semi-predictable way. Life initially arose by an unknown process, and then proceeded to change form under Darwinian mechanisms that operate under these same physical rules. Life contains consciousness, but the latter is poorly understood and is, in any case, solely a matter for biologists.

But there’s a problem.

Consciousness is not just an issue for biologists; it’s a problem for physics. Nothing in modern physics explains how a group of molecules in your brain create consciousness.

The beauty of a sunset, the miracle of falling in love, the taste of a delicious meal — these are all mysteries to modern science. Nothing in science can explain how consciousness arose from matter. Our current model simply does not allow for consciousness, and our understanding of this most basic phenomenon of our existence is virtually nonexistent. Interestingly, our present model of physics does not even recognize this as a problem.

Not coincidentally, consciousness comes up again in a completely different realm of physics. It is well known that quantum theory, while working incredibly well mathematically, makes no logical sense. As we will explore in detail in future chapters, particles seem to behave as if they are responding to a conscious observer. Because that can’t be right, quantum physicists have deemed quantum theory inexplicable or have come up with elaborate theories (such as an infinite number of alternate universes) to try to explain it. The simplest explanation — that subatomic particles actually do interact with consciousness at some level — is too far outside the model to be seriously considered. Yet it’s interesting that two of the biggest mysteries of physics involve consciousness.

But even putting aside the issues of consciousness, the current model leaves much to be desired when it comes to explaining the fundamentals of our universe.

The cosmos (according to recent refinements) sprang out of nothingness 13.7 billion years ago in a titanic event humorously labeled the Big Bang. We don’t really understand where the Big Bang came from and we continually tinker with the details, including adding an inflationary period with physics we don’t yet understand, but the existence of which is needed in order to be consistent with our observations.

When a sixth grader asks a basic question about the universe, such as, “What happened before the Big Bang?” the teacher, if knowledgeable enough, has an answer at the ready: “There was no time before the Big Bang, because time can only arise alongside matter and energy, so the question has no meaning. It’s like asking what is north of the North Pole.” The student sits down, shuts up, and everyone pretends that some actual knowledge has just been imparted.

Someone might ask, “What is the expanding universe expanding into?” Again, the professor is ready: “You cannot have space without objects defining it, so we must picture the universe bringing its own space with it into an ever-larger size. Also, it is wrong to visualize the universe as if looking at it ‘from the outside’ because nothing exists outside the universe, so the question makes no sense.”

“Well, can you at least say what the Big Bang was? Is there some explanation for it?” For years, when my co-author was feeling lazy, he would recite the standard reply to his college students as if it were an after-business-hours recording: “We observe particles materializing in empty space and then vanishing; these are quantum mechanical fluctuations. Well, given enough time, one would expect such a fluctuation to involve so many particles that an entire universe would appear. If the universe was indeed a quantum fluctuation, it would display just the properties we observe!”

The student takes his chair. So that’s it! The universe is a quantum fluctuation! Clarity at last.

But even the professor, in his quiet moments alone, would wonder at least briefly what things might have been like the Tuesday before the Big Bang.

Even he realizes deep down that you can never get something from nothing, and that the Big Bang is no explanation at all for the origins of everything but merely, at best, the partial description of a single event in a continuum that is probably timeless. In short, one of the most widely known and popularized “explanations” about the origin and nature of the cosmos abruptly brakes at a blank wall at the very moment when it seems to be arriving at its central point.

During this entire parade, of course, a few people in the crowd will happen to notice that the emperor seems to have skimped in his wardrobe budget. It’s one thing to respect authority and acknowledge that theoretical physicists are brilliant people, even if they do tend to drip food on themselves at buffets. But at some point, virtually everyone has thought or at least felt: “This really doesn’t work. This doesn’t explain anything fundamental, not really. This whole business, from start to finish, is unsatisfactory. It doesn’t ring true. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t answer my questions. Something’s rotten behind those ivy-covered walls, and it goes deeper than the hydrogen sulfide released by the fraternity rushers.”

Like rats swarming onto the deck of a sinking ship, more problems keep surfacing with the current model. It now turns out that our beloved familiar baryonic matter — that is, everything we see, and everything that has form, plus all known energies — is abruptly reduced to just 4 percent of the universe, with dark matter constituting about 24 percent. The true bulk of the cosmos suddenly becomes dark energy, a term for something utterly mysterious. And, by the way, the expansion is increasing, not decreasing. In just a few years, the basic nature of the cosmos goes inside out, even if nobody at the office water cooler seems to notice.

In the last few decades, there has been considerable discussion of a basic paradox in the construction of the universe as we know it. Why are the laws of physics exactly balanced for animal life to exist? For example, if the Big Bang had been one-part-in-a-million more powerful, it would have happened too fast for the galaxies and life to develop. If the strong nuclear force were decreased by 2 percent, atomic nuclei wouldn’t hold together, and plain-vanilla hydrogen would be the only kind of atom in the universe. If the gravitational force were decreased by a hair, stars (including the Sun) would not ignite. These are just three of more than 200 physical parameters within the solar system and universe so exact that it strains credulity to propose that they are random — even if that is exactly what standard contemporary physics baldly suggests. These fundamental constants of the universe — constants that are not predicted by any theory — all seem to be carefully chosen, often with great precision, to allow for the existence of life and consciousness (yes, consciousness raises its annoying, paradoxical head yet again).

The old model has absolutely no reasonable explanation for this. But biocentrism supplies answers, as we shall see.

There’s more. Brilliant equations that accurately explain the vagaries of motion contradict observations about how things behave on the small scale. (Or, to affix the correct labels, Einstein’s relativity is incompatible with quantum mechanics.) Theories of the origins of the cosmos screech to a halt when they reach the very event of interest, the Big Bang. Attempts to combine all forces in order to produce an underlying oneness — currently in vogue is string theory — require invoking at least eight extra dimensions, none of which have the slightest basis in human experience, nor can be experimentally verified in any way.

When it comes right down to it, today’s science is amazingly good at figuring out how the parts work. The clock has been taken apart, and we can accurately count the number of teeth in each wheel and gear, and ascertain the rate at which the flywheel spins. We know that Mars rotates in 24 hours, 37 minutes, and 23 seconds, and this information is as solid as it comes. What eludes us is the big picture. We provide interim answers, we create exquisite new technologies from our ever-expanding knowledge of physical processes, we dazzle ourselves with our applications of our newfound discoveries. We do badly in just one area, which unfortunately encompasses all the bottom-line issues: what is the nature of this thing we call reality, the universe as a whole?

Any honest metaphorical summary of the current state of explaining the cosmos as a whole is essentially a swamp. And this particular Everglade is one where the alligators of common sense must be evaded at every turn.

The avoidance or postponement of answering such deep and basic questions was traditionally the province of religion, which excelled at it. Every thinking person always knew that an insuperable mystery lay at the final square of the game board, and that there was no possible way of avoiding it. So, when we ran out of explanations and processes and causes that preceded the previous cause, we said, “God did it.” Now, this book is not going to discuss spiritual beliefs nor take sides on whether this line of thinking is wrong or right. It will only observe that invoking a deity provided something that was crucial: it permitted the inquiry to reach some sort of agreed-upon endpoint. As recently as a century ago, science texts routinely cited God and “God’s glory” whenever they reached the truly deep and unanswerable portions of the issue at hand.

Today, such humility is in short supply. God, of course, has been discarded, which is appropriate in a strictly scientific process, but no other entity or device has arisen to stand in for the ultimate “I don’t have a clue.” To the contrary, some scientists (Stephen Hawking and the late Carl Sagan come to mind) insist that a “theory of everything” is just around the corner, and then we’ll essentially know it all — any day now.

It hasn’t happened, and it won’t happen. The reason is not for any lack of effort or intelligence. It’s that the very underlying worldview is flawed. So now, superimposed on the previous theoretical contradictions, stands a new layer of unknowns that pop into our awareness with frustrating regularity.

But a solution lies within our grasp, a solution hinted at by the frequency with which, as the old model breaks down, we see an answer peeking out from under a corner.

This is the underlying problem: we have ignored a critical component of the cosmos, shunting it out of the way because we didn’t know what to do with it. This component is consciousness.

[Editor’s Notenote: This excerpt is the first chapter of the book Biocentrism, by Dr. Robert Lanza, with Bob Berman. The radical premise of biocentrism asserts that the universe cannot be satisfactorily explained by science, but rather by consciousness. Our understanding of the universe is inextricably linked to, and actually created by, our ability to perceive it. If you find this idea compelling, Biocentrism provides a fascinating and challenging thesis.]

You may also enjoy Podcast: Philip Goldberg | Yogananda and Me by Best Self Magazine

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Actress Maggie Wheeler finds a deeper calling in leading communal singing

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“I used to say, ‘I act for my supper and I sing for my soul.'”

Maggie Wheeler is describing her bifurcated career as a successful actor (most notably in long-running roles in the sitcoms Friends and Everybody Loves Raymond), and as co-leader of The Golden Bridge Community Choir-an inclusive singing group open to all comers. “For many years I was vigilant about not turning my singing work into work. That changed nine years ago.”

Wheeler hasn’t quit her day job exactly, it’s just that running the choir and giving workshops in community singing have taken up an increasing amount of her time over those nine years. Both passions had grown side by side from childhood. At the same time Wheeler’s aspirations to act were first percolating around the age of seven or eight; she spent summers at a camp in Vermont run by Pete Seeger’s brother John and his wife Eleanor, that was a kind of haven for the folk musicians who worked there as counselors. Guitars, banjos, and dulcimers hung from hooks in the hallways.

“So there I was,” Wheeler says by phone from her home in Los Angeles, “a New York City kid, surrounded by music-and the campfire, and people getting up and leading the community in song. It became a touchstone for me. And as I moved out into the world beyond Camp Killooleet” (she spells it for me by lilting the song they were all taught: “K-I-double-L…”), “I found that I was always searching for that campfire wherever I went. And if I couldn’t find it, I would find a way to create it.”

In the meantime, Wheeler pursued her desire to entertain and to make people laugh through acting. “I’ve always loved the sound of the human voice,” she says, “and stretching it to imitate the sounds of different people from different places. As an actress I often make the journey to the character through the music of speech, and the song that exists within every character’s cadence.”

In pursuing this thread of her life’s desires, Wheeler had the good fortune to study and work with the actress and playwright Anna Deavere Smith (perhaps most widely known for her role as hospital administrator Gloria Akalitus in the Showtime series Nurse Jackie). The training served Wheeler well as she not only acted in Smith’s first play but also landed a slew of television roles. Yet her childhood passion for communal singing was not to be submerged.

“There’s a mysterious component of what music moves a person. I can’t explain — I think it’s mystical — that I am so deeply moved by African music and gospel music.”

Her fascination led her to visit Africa at age 16, and later to study with Ysaye Maria Barnwell, who sang bass and wrote many of the songs for Sweet Honey in the Rock, the renowned a cappella choral group. Working with Barnwell, among other teachers, Wheeler says she had the extraordinary experience of learning “how you can take a roomful of people who don’t know what’s possible, and you can set the bar way up in the air and you can get everyone to rise to it before they’ve had the chance to think, ‘I can’t do that.’ In our culture, if you don’t belong to a church, or you’re not a sanctioned ‘singer,’ or you don’t read music and you’re not in a band, there are only so many opportunities to sing-and for the rest of the population it’s off the table. I am passionately committed and motivated to putting it back on the table for the rest of humanity.”

Her passion for communal singing is grounded in what she has learned about the role that sharing vocal music has traditionally played around the world. “In so many cultures, singing is something that runs through the course of every day,” she says. “There’s music for celebration, music for sorrow, music for work, music for rest. Nothing is done without song. No meeting takes place before singing has taken place and no meeting is closed without singing. The work I’ve been doing for the past 20 years —and for the past nine years under the umbrella of conducting a choir-is to reintroduce music into everyday life.”

After taking that workshop with Ysaye Barnwell, Wheeler came away with “a vocabulary of song running through” her, and she has continued expanding her vocabulary to include traditional songs from Asia, Africa, Australia, and Russia, along with spirituals and gospel music. “I found that I was able to give myself permission to create song in a different way,” she says. “That set me on a path. I realized that was my work.” The catalyst for her decision to give communal singing equal weight with her acting work was a Community Choir Leadership Training in Victoria, British Columbia, in 2006, where she learned how to work with a non-auditioned choir-meaning that anyone who wants to sing in the choir can join, regardless of training or skill level. In her years of running singing workshops she had been approached by the more experienced singers asking her to start an exclusive group, but her heart was pushing her to open the door for people who might have no other opportunity to follow their own passion. While attending a workshop with Barnwell at Hollyhock, she was urged to take the choir training in Victoria by Gloria Hanson, a long-time member of the Getting Higher Choir in Victoria, who cited a quote from Balzac for inspiration:

“Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn’t, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence.”

“Those words tapped on my head like a woodpecker until I decided I had to go to Canada,” Maggie says. “I’d been teaching vocal workshops for 15 years, but it was always the ‘excellent’ people who were asking me to start some form of choral group.” She wanted to do something that was “inclusive instead of exclusive” and, because she had a young family, to make it family-centered, and in Victoria the pieces fell into place.

“Then, just before I left for Canada, Gloria called me again and said I should meet a man named Emile Hassan Dyer, a vocal improviser who had taken the same training a couple of years earlier.” Also a percussionist, dancer, and storyteller raised in France and Senegal, Dyer draws on his multiethnic background to add a rich array of rhythms to the mix, including various forms of vocal percussion. Joining forces after she returned from Canada, they were able to create a shared vision of a family-centered community choir based in the Los Angeles area that meets for a series of 14 Sundays at a time. Wheeler had recreated the campfire she’d been looking for since Camp Killooleet.

Much of Wheeler’s motivation to create her inclusive choir derives from her awareness that many people have had experiences that she calls “musical wounding,” like being singled out when your elementary school class is rehearsing a song and the teacher tells you to just “move your lips” without actually singing (I speak from experience). I ask Maggie if she has encountered people in her workshops who absolutely cannot carry a tune.

“One gentleman came to choir who was having trouble finding the pitch,” she says in response. “When I was in Canada during the training, they told us that they firmly don’t believe in people being tone-deaf. A very small percentage of people suffer from something clinical that stops them from being able to reproduce a note-for the rest it is usually something emotional, or traumatic that gets in the way of hearing the note. I’d had tentative singers and scared singers, but there’s safety in numbers and we never point to anybody or ask them to sing alone…

“It’s a loving and patient and safe environment in which everybody gets a chance to get where they need to go.”

When she noticed that this man was having trouble finding the pitch, though, she asked if he would be willing to work with her privately, and he agreed. “So I took a deep breath and said to myself, ‘Okay, now I have to walk this talk.’ He came to my house and we sat down at the piano. I used humor to lighten the moment so he could be a little bit less uptight about the whole idea, because he was scared. I could see that his thought process was telling him that he needed to reproduce the note immediately. So first we slowed everything down and I gave him permission to take his time, until he could find the note. Sometimes he would start below the note or above the note and I would motion for him to come down or come up. And when he found it he could feel that we were vibrating together and he knew something was happening. We did this for quite a while and when he hit the note I would say, ‘That’s it! You’ve got it!’

“And he cried and said, ‘Don’t lie to me.’ I said, ‘This is not my opinion. This is the note and you’re singing the note.’ And in fact he had a beautiful voice-such a beautiful tenor voice and such a range that he was confused about which register to sing in, and finally he confessed that he had been in an a cappella group when he was very young. He was such a perfect example of what is possible and the pain around not trusting himself because someone had told him to stop.”

The Golden Bridge Community Choir is part of the Ubuntu Choir movement, a national network of local non-auditioned choirs that accept people who initially sing timidly or off-key.

Wheeler eschews even the use of sheet music. “The first thing is to remove the idea that help is needed,” she says. “We’re all so profoundly attached to the idea of perfection and I have no interest in perfection. I have an interest in harmony and in giving people the best experience possible. But I don’t have an interest in arriving at that perfect destination. That is one of the things that stops people from being able to freely vocalize. Everybody has a song. We may not have the song that’s winning American Idol this week, but everybody has a voice. I don’t mean that there isn’t room to get better at what we do. But that comes with doing it. I do think that many people are paralyzed around the idea of singing because they think that if they are not excellent they are not allowed. My goal is to get people to stop thinking. The gift of doing the work the way we do it is that there’s no time to think. Before you can let your story or your fear get in the way, suddenly there’s music. The music supplants everything else, and then you’re just filled with joy.

“The list of positive results of this kind of music is endless. It heals loneliness; it heals isolation. It lifts you when you’re sad; it lifts you higher when you’re happy. I’m fortunate in that I’ve doggedly followed my passions in this life and they’ve led me to some incredible places. This passion for connecting through music I’ve been able to take up and embrace because it lives through me. It doesn’t require permission from another. My acting work requires permission. That’s the nature of the business. But this music work I can carry on my back.” (Translation: She and Dyer will travel anywhere to work with groups who want the experience of making music together in this way.)

A big part of the healing she describes comes from the mere fact that when we sing we’re breathing deeply out of necessity. “You’ve expelled all the air you have in the service of the song, and your body needs to fill up again,” she says. “All that oxygen is invigorating. That automatic, unconscious intake of air transports you. That’s the yoga of song.

“People of the World” audiocast: Words and music by Maggie Wheeler; vocals by Maggie Wheeler and Emile Hassan Dyer

Another aspect of the restorative power of song comes from the fact that when people sing together, their heartbeats are in sync. “There’s something that’s healing in the vibration of the song as it’s running through us and the person next to us. I say that it causes a kind of cellular rearrangement. I have gone out to teach when I’m sick and by the time I’m done with choir, I’m healed. And the same can be said for bringing emotional pain into that setting-it transmutes.”

Maggie Wheeler pauses and extracts one final, perhaps unanticipated byproduct of communal singing: forgiveness. “I wouldn’t say I’m setting out to [teach forgiveness], but it’s embedded in the process of creating song. You have to love that song, you have to forgive its failings, and you have to keep lifting it up until it takes flight. And that reflects back to the individuals in the room. We begin to understand that we all long for that same forgiveness of self. The creation of song becomes a metaphor for the forgiveness of fallibility and imperfection. We all walk away with a little more forgiveness of the people around us and of ourselves, and that ripples out into people’s lives, which is a sort of unexpected, quiet gift.

“Until you’ve forgiven yourself for those things that you think are shameful or unforgivable, or that separate you from others, it’s difficult to do the work we have to do in the world. It’s part of the human experience and you have to do it over and over again. One of the things I say about this weekly singing experience is that we sing together on a Sunday, and it keeps you high until about Wednesday. On Thursday it starts to wane, by Friday you know you need more, and then you come back again.”

Learn more about Maggie’s work at maggiewheeler.net, goldenbridgechoir.com

You may also enjoy reading Jazz & Spirituality | The Mindful Music of Jack DeJohnette by Peter Occhiogrosso

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The fight for equality in our immigrant nation requires a new, mindful paradigm regarding the rights, values and citizenship of  immigrants — and ourselves

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Every evening, I resolve to wake up early and have 20 minutes to myself before my daughter and husband awake and the daily rush begins. Most mornings since December, I have instead stayed in bed, sometimes in deep sleep, and at other times, in a half-awake state, guiltily enjoying the warmth of the covers and, if my daughter has snuck in at night, her peaceful breathing. In this way, I’m not much different than most other Americans, well intentioned about our health and well-being yet thwarted by the mundane but real stresses of our daily lives. Overcome with exhaustion, or a hangover from too much wine or too much television the night before, we relish that extra 20 minutes in bed — a blissful treat in advance of what will likely be a hectic day of appointments, errands, and deadlines. The challenge inherent in those days is juggling the must-dos and the should-dos, with little time for the precious want-to-dos.

Like others, I could benefit from 20 minutes a day of me-time — quiet, unencumbered by responsibility, and free from demands. But year after year, I find those 20 minutes to be elusive. This year, I am trying to make peace with that, mostly because I’m accepting that my mindful practice is engaging in meaningful and transformative work. Without my work, I could have all the minutes in the world and be restless.

What is this work that brings me the same peace and satisfaction of 20 minutes of quiet time? It’s ensuring that the playing field of American democracy is more level and equitable.

At the New American Leaders Project, we’re mindful of the glaring gap between the American public and its leaders. The 114^th Congress is 80 percent white and 80 percent male; the country is only 72 percent white, and is more than 50 percent female. There are further divisions – in income and religion, for example. We are working to close the gap by training people to run for office at the local and state levels, and eventually move to Congress. Why does this matter? Well, for one, leaders who come from diverse backgrounds are more likely to be mindful of engaging their community members in the political process. They understand the challenges facing a first-time voter in this country, or someone for whom English is not a first language. Leaders who really reflect the diversity of the American experience can do something else — they can create policies that respond to that diversity. Assuring that immigrants can drive to work, benefit from in-state tuition, or have translated materials about government programs are some examples of what immigrant legislators do.

As an immigrant, I value American individualism. It’s one of the reasons I came to this country, and stayed.

Often, we think of mindfulness as a practice that’s individualistic. But it doesn’t have to be. We are mindful of the earth, for example, and we should be mindful of the people around us. Not just in ways that serve our interests and make us feel that we are caring and committed human beings, but in ways that explicitly honor the connections between us. We can teach immigrants how to exercise their right to vote, or we can see immigrants as the leaders of our country, for whom we can vote. We can see immigrants as people willing to come to America for a better life, or we can see America as a better place because immigrants continue to come here. This is the mindfulness I practice — of human interconnectedness, of improving others’ human conditions while also working on my own. If 20 minutes a day of meditation and yoga could get me closer to a more inclusive America, I’d be getting out of bed much faster on these winter mornings. For now, I’m taking those 20 minutes of sleep instead, mindfully and purposefully, to refuel for the workday ahead.

You may also enjoy reading Life as a Refugee: The Struggle to Create a Better Life by Noor Ghazi

The post Crossroads of the Immigrant Nation appeared first on BEST SELF.

Engagement with nature, and specifically, physical connection to water, yields profound cognitive, emotional, psychological and social benefits

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[The following essay is adapted from Blue Mind, Wallace J. Nichols’ New York Times bestselling book]

We need the sun, the moon, the stars, the rivers and the mountains and birds, the fish in the sea, to evoke a world of mystery, to evoke the sacred.

— Thomas Berry, The Great Work

When scientist (and agnostic) T. H. Huxley was asked to write the opening article for the very first edition of Nature, in 1869, he declared there could be “no more fitting preface” than a “rhapsody” by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. “We are surrounded and embraced by her: powerless to separate ourselves from her, and powerless to penetrate beyond her,” Goethe wrote, and Huxley concludes, “It may be, that long after the theories of the philosophers whose achievements are recorded in these pages, are obsolete, the vision of the poet will remain as a truthful and efficient symbol of the wonder and the mystery of Nature.”

In study after study, those who choose to spend time in nature speak about its ability to make us feel more connected to something outside of ourselves—something bigger, more transcendent, and universal. Some of my favorite recent studies include a 2011 survey of 452 students in Edmonton, Alberta, which showed that feeling connected to nature led to greater feelings of awe, vitality, purpose, and more positive emotions overall. In another study, people who viewed nature scenes and imagined themselves fully immersed in nature were more concerned with prosocial goals and more willing to give to others.

What is it about nature that inspires this feeling of connection?

First, the most frequently mentioned “transcendent” aspect of the natural world is its sheer beauty. “Even the person whose sole experience with nature consists of lying on a beach and watching the waves will not be surprised that those who visit the wilderness list aesthetics as one of their main objectives,” writes Winifred Gallagher in The Power of Place. Perhaps because our ancient ancestors saw beauty in the shapes and colors of the natural world, our response to nature’s aesthetics is deep — and often poetic. And the experience goes well beyond the visual: we come across unfamiliar (read: novel) sounds, smells, flora, and tastes that we would not encounter back home. This is the way author and wilderness guide Sigurd F. Olson described one of his most memorable and beautiful moments in nature:

A school of perch darted in and out of the rocks. They were green and gold and black, and I was fascinated by their beauty. Seagulls wheeled and cried above me. Waves crashed against the pier. I was alone in a wild and lovely place, part at last of the wind and the water, part of the dark forest through which I had come, and of all the wild sounds and colors and feelings of the place I had found. That day I entered into a life of indescribable beauty and delight. There I believe I heard the singing wilderness for the first time.

Nature generously bestows a grandeur that puts us in our place.

When he was a teenager, neuroscientist Dan Siegel would ride his bike to the beach, walk along the ocean edge, and think deep thoughts. “I’d watch the waves and be filled with wonder — about life, the tides, the sea,” he recalled. “The force of the moon beckoning the water, raising it up toward the cliffs, then pulling it back down beyond the rocky pools, back out to sea… These tides, I thought, would continue their eternal cycle long after I was gone from this earth.” Trees, grass, water, sand — all are familiar to us, yet the size and scale of nature can make us catch our breath and marvel at its power. In its age, majesty, and complexity, nature dwarfs us — and yet we are drawn there because it puts our humanity into proper perspective. We encounter nature in a very physical sense when we walk, hike, climb, sail, paddle, swim, run, ski, or snowshoe through it; as hiker Adrian Juric says, these elemental forces “resist the sense of self we have worked so hard to establish” and cut us down to size.

A 2007 study asked participants to describe a time when they saw a beautiful natural scene and to rate the level at which they felt ten different emotions. Words like awe, rapture, love, and contentment were ranked highest; people tended to agree with statements like, “I felt small or insignificant,” “I felt the presence of something greater than myself,” “I felt connected with the world around me,” “I was unaware of my day-to-day concerns,” and “I did not want the experience to end.” When participants in wilderness expeditions in the United States were surveyed in 1998, fully 80 percent said they had a greater spiritual connection with nature as a result of their trips. We realize what I like to think of as a positive lack of control, as opposed to the lack of control we feel in our overstressed, overwhelmed lives. Our inability to have power over our inboxes and bank accounts and waistlines (not to mention the economy and international conflicts) simply makes us feel worse about ourselves.

But in nature we realize there is something so immeasurable, so magnificent, that it exists both with us and without us. That recognition can transform our sense of responsibility and renovate our list of priorities.

Recent studies have focused on the different neural networks that we use when focusing on things outside ourselves (the extrinsic network) and when focusing on self-reflection and emotion (the intrinsic, or default network). The brain usually switches between the two, but cognitive neuroscience researcher Zoran Josipovic discovered that experienced meditators could keep both networks active at the same time while they meditated. Doing so lowered the wall between self and environment, possibly with the effect of inspiring feelings of harmony with the world. That ability to simultaneously hold awareness of self and other is called nonduality, or oneness in both Eastern and Western philosophies. There’s a sense of connection with everything, of no separation, of being part of something infinitely large and wonderful. Senses are sharpened; you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell more fully. Feelings of happiness, contentment, bliss, awe, and gratitude arise for no reason — some spiritual masters refer to this as “causeless joy.” There’s a sense of timelessness, or time seems to slow to a crawl. There’s a sense of wanting or needing nothing else.

Some would call it communion with the natural world; some would call it the experience of God. Perhaps most people wouldn’t even know to put words of any sort to it.

Meditation can bring us to this state, as can prayer and other spiritual practices. But many of us feel moments or even hours of that sense of oneness and spirituality when we interact with nature, especially with water and the creatures we find there. “One cannot help but develop some form of attachment to the various social and natural landscapes that one encounters and moves through in one’s lifetime, and frequently the feelings one forms in response to a particular place can be especially strong and overwhelming,” state Laura Fredrickson and Dorothy Anderson. We become attached to our particular “piece” of nature and treasure it for the experiences we have had there: it becomes our “sacred space.” Your sacred space may be an inaccessible bit of wilderness reached only by foot or canoe; or it may be amidst the waters themselves, as you fished, sailed, or slipped in and felt the power of the water beneath or around you. But whenever or however you enter it, you feel connected to something greater than yourself.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow believed that because man’s “higher and transcendent nature” is “part of his essence,” occasionally we can access the mystical consciousness William James described. Maslow called these moments peak experiences, and described them as “non-striving, non-self-centered, purposeless, self-validating, end-experiences and states of perfection and of goal attainment.” Psychologists studying these peak moments believe that they share certain characteristics: a complete focus of attention; an absence of fear; a perception that the world is good; a feeling of connection and even merging with the environment; feeling humbled by the experience and fortunate to have participated in it; a sense that time and space have altered and one is immersed in the present moment; a feeling that the experience is real, true, and valuable; flashes of insight and emotions not experienced in daily life; and a realization of the meaningfulness of the experience and the significance for one’s future life. When we access these states, we see ourselves not as separate but as “embedded” in our relationships with everything in the world; we are part of everything, and everything is part of us.

Many times such peak experiences involve pushing yourself past perceived limitations. Neuroscientist Catherine Franssen saw this with skydivers and rock climbers; Jaimal Yogis and other big-wave surfers describe moments in the ocean when “the wave demanded such hyper-focus… there wasn’t even time to differentiate between one’s body and the wave.” On the South Fork of the American River in California, a white-water rafter described the experience like this:

The top of the mountain finally gives up at the end of the peninsula that creates the S turn I admire so much. The velocity of the water increases dramatically, the negative ions in the air from the rapids changes everyone’s attitude. As I approach the thunder, my muscles throughout my entire body come to attention — as always, I go through the rocks 100 yards upstream, I call the goal posts, knowing that if I can float my boat through them, I’ll be OK in Troublemaker. Approaching the final turn . . . I tense as I grip my oars, I totally relax my mind and go for the flow—punch the hole and slip by the rock. And like magic, another peel off the layers of life, off the old onion, exposing fresh flesh and a new perspective on life.

This sort of expansive awareness — “a new perspective on life” — is almost inevitably common in such circumstances that combine the natural world and water.

Indeed, as a spiritual element of the natural world, there seems to be something particular about water that permeates humanity’s consciousness. When seeking to describe the experience of wholeness, limitlessness, and eternity, Freud drew on his correspondence with French writer (and student of Eastern religions) Romain Rolland and called it the “oceanic feeling.” Many of our spiritual and religious traditions feature water. In the Tao Te Ching (written somewhere between the sixth and fourth century B.C.E.), Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote, “Of all the elements in the cosmological construct of the world, Fire, Water, Earth, Mineral and Nature, the Sage takes Water as his preceptor.” The Buddha likened life to a river that is always flowing, changing from moment to moment.

Water is integral to the creation myths of ancient civilizations from Egypt to Japan. “The spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters” (Genesis 1:2, King James Bible). “We [God] made from water every living thing,” (The Quran, su ̄rat l-anbiya ̄a [The Prophets] 21:30). Hindus consider it sacred to bathe in the Ganga, “Mother Ganges;” Christian pilgrims flock to the river Jordan and Lourdes; Islamic pilgrims visit the Zamzam well in Mecca while performing the hajj. Humans ritually use water to cleanse themselves of metaphysical pollution and as a means of consecrating the living (baptism with holy water) and the dead (bathing the body before burial). For many indigenous peoples around the world, water represents humanity’s connection to all living things. Elizabeth Woody, a member of the Yakima Nation in Oregon, says, “Water is a sacrament in our religious practices and overarching medicine. It is the central symbol of our cycle of ceremonies. Along the ‘Big River,’ the Columbia, we wake with a drink of water, and close out the day with a sip and prayer… water equals all life.”

In 2010, Ian Foster of the University of Montana did a study of the spiritual connection felt by people on canoe trips through the Minnesota Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness (BWCA), which consists of approximately 1.3 million acres with 1,175 lakes and hundreds of miles of streams. Much of the BWCA is accessible only by canoe, yet every year more than 250,000 people visit it to hike, canoe, kayak, fish, hunt, or camp. Foster conducted his research by canoeing to different campsites in the area and asking people to describe their experience of the wilderness. “Rather than standing at the trailhead after taking my morning shower and asking them about their trip and experiences, I was there, in a wild landscape,” Foster wrote. “[I] had bathed in the lakes, caught fish for dinner (albeit twice in thirty days), paddled into the winds, and combated the same swarms of mosquitoes.” He discovered that it was in the beauty and quiet of “plateau-experiences” that people felt the closest to spirit. One man, “Tom,” talked of soaking in “everything — the water, the trees, the sky the breeze… I just turn off everything else and just soak in what is around me and take time to be thankful for it.” Being immersed in the natural experience, with limited social contact and cultural input, and required to interact with nature in much the same way that people native to the area had done for thousands of years — in such conditions, Foster commented, people’s connection to something greater than themselves and to their surroundings was “kindled, stoked, and/or sustained.”

In descriptions of their spiritual connection to their environment, Foster discovered that water consistently played a significant part. The natural beauty of water and sky (in the Dakota language, Minnesota means “where the water reflects the heavens”) touched many people. “Mary” described one such encounter:

Yesterday we stayed at a campsite on Hudson Lake and the sky was this bright pink and purple, and it looked water colored — so amazing, like it couldn’t even be real… As the night gradually came on, the sky was getting darker and the water took that on, and I was just watching these two mediums entirely change all the time… In that moment you are like, “Why am I here? What put me here in the spot so that I can feel this?”

Peak and plateau experiences in nature are remarkable not just for their momentary impact, but, more important, for the effects they have when we return to our regular lives.

In the middle of a busy day, on the streets of a large city, or in an office, with our eyes locked on the screen of our smartphone or tablet or laptop, taking a moment to remember a transcendent moment when the mind calmed and the heart opened to the beauty and wonder of nature can transport us back to the experience of feeling connected with nature, spirit, the divine, or whatever inadequate name we give it. “Nancy” summed up her own return experience: “I grasped something out there… It’s like everything is all right. This kind of deep sense of happiness, just by thinking back on it, is so powerful.”

I call it Blue Mind.

You may also enjoy reading Mother Nature’s Hourglass: A Biologist Reminds Us That Time Is Running Out by Dave Cannon

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On women, equality, and a process for finding your passion

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I grew up in North Little Rock, Arkansas in a working class, African-American neighborhood, literally on the wrong side of the tracks.

I was raised to say “yes ma’am” and “yes sir,” respect my elders, and speak only when spoken to. I knew at an early age that I didn’t want to stay in Arkansas and that I would have to work hard to “get out” and experience all the world had to offer. So, when many of my friends and neighbors hung out, I studied.

When my father died just before my 17th birthday, I focused even more on striving for academic excellence. I hustled to support myself through college and managed to graduate with a degree in finance and a ticket to New York City.

Today I am a Harvard MBA, run my own consulting firm and sit on the board of the Lean In Foundation.

Throughout my journey, I found my voice and learned how to advocate for myself. Many of my lessons came the hard way and what I have learned is that everyone has a story. Whether you grew up in an affluent neighborhood or just in the hood. Whether you had a “normal” childhood, or you had to negotiate an environment that included drugs, crime, and violence, you can live an authentic and empowered life. It starts with knowing your worth and the value you bring to the world.

My story is unique but the challenges of living an empowered life are universal.

Make no mistake. Living an authentic and empowered life is hard.

We are trained early to stand down, and as we get older, “stand by our man.” I was told that my feelings, desires, and thoughts were not as important as those of my father/brother/husband.

I know now that many women experience similar double standards. I was led to believe that men make the decisions and essentially rule the world. Well — if you look at the state of things — Ferguson, our economy, world politics, and horrific violence — it’s not working so well. We have been taking a back seat for far too long. The statistics are staggering:

• Women in the first year out of college are paid 82% of what their male colleagues earn
• Women do the majority of the world’s work, but earn a small percentage of the world’s income, and own even less of the world’s property
• For every dollar white men are paid, white women earn 77 cents. African-American women earn 64 cents and Hispanic women 54 cents
• Women would have $11,600 more a year if we were paid equally
• Women comprise only 19% of U.S. congressional seats
• There are less than 30 female Fortune 500 CEOs. Women hold about 15% of the executive officer positions and 17% of the board seats
• Women have less than 6% of top CEO jobs in almost every country in the world
• According to the Shriver Report, if women working fulltime, year round, were paid the same for their work as comparable men, we would cut the poverty rate for working women and their families in half.

There are many reasons that women’s wages lag behind those of men. Societal issues such as gender stereotyping, gender segregation in occupations, discrimination, and inadequate family-leave policies are contributing factors.

The problem is systemic, interrelated, and complex.

But there is hope. Knowing your worth is about understanding exactly what you deserve out of life and what has already been promised to you. I grew up as a “nice” little Southern girl and leveraged my desire for “a different life” to bust out of my comfort zone. I found my voice amid the wolves of Wall Street and then eventually used that voice to step out on my own.

Knowing your worth starts with finding your passion.

If you want to transform your life, I highly recommend figuring out what you are passionate about, then choose to do it for a living.

Now, this isn’t as easy as it sounds, but it’s well worth the effort. If you dread going to your job, or find yourself constantly lacking motivation, you are never going to get what you want out of life.

I learned this firsthand coming out of college. I graduated with a degree in finance and set my sights on Wall Street. I arrived at a top investment bank with a number of other college graduates, and we joined an analyst “class.” Almost immediately, I stood out like a sore thumb. Most of the people in my analyst class were Ivy League graduates who were savvy to the ways of Wall Street.

I was a fish out of water — a girl from Arkansas with a southern accent and flowered dresses. And if the culture wasn’t bad enough, I found the job to be unfulfilling and the hours exhausting. I was miserable. I had worked for years to get this job, yet I decided to quit, and began working for a start-up nonprofit for half my salary.

Even though I am a compensation consultant, I know that money isn’t the most important thing for lasting happiness and career satisfaction. Too often, I see people get caught up in the “salary-race,” and personal contentment goes by the wayside.

If you want true professional fulfillment, choose a field or a job because it is your passion. And then, work to be paid equitably. Unless you are born into a wealthy family or marry rich, you will spend the majority of your life working. The average fulltime employee spends 65-75% of each year working, and that is far too much time to be doing something you don’t love. I am a firm believer that if you follow your passion, the money will come. The ideal balance, of course, is a job that is fulfilling AND pays a competitive wage.

How can you find what you’re passionate about? Here are some suggestions:

• Is there something you already love doing? Do you have a hobby, or something you loved doing as a child, but never considered it as a career possibility? If there’s already something you love doing, you’re ahead of the game. Now you just need to research the possibilities of making money from it.
• What do you spend hours reading about? For myself, when I get passionate about something, I’ll read about it for hours on end. I’ll buy books and magazines. I’ll spend days on the Internet finding out more. There may be a few possibilities here for you… and all of them are plausible career paths. Don’t close your mind to these topics. Investigate them.
• Take a self-assessment. The Strong Interest Inventory® assessment is one of the world’s most widely respected and frequently used career planning tools. It has helped both academic and business organizations develop the brightest talent and has guided thousands of individuals – from high school and college students to midcareer workers – seeking a change in their search for a rich and fulfilling career.
• Never quit trying. Can’t find your passion at first? Give up after a few days and you’re sure to come up empty. Keep trying, for months on end if necessary, and you’ll find it eventually. Thought you found your passion but then you got tired of it? No problem! Start over again and find a new one. There may be more than one passion in your lifetime, so explore all the possibilities. Found your passion but haven’t been successful making a living at it? Don’t give up. Keep trying, and try again, until you succeed. Success doesn’t come easy, so giving up early is a sure way to fail. Keep trying, and you’ll get there.

When you are pursuing your passion, it makes it so much easier to ask for what you want.

Whether you are just out of college or in the middle of your career, you probably have a vision about what your ideal career looks like. I know that for myself, I had it all planned out when I graduated. But, as we all learn, even the best-laid plans can’t prevent life’s unexpected twists and turns.

You may covet a prime position, only to realize you are miserable in it. Or, you may settle down where you’re happy, yet not make enough to pay the rent. Career ups and downs, such as these, are inevitable, but as long as you stay focused, you will keep moving in the right direction. Set professional immediate and long-term goals so that when life throws you the inevitable curve ball, you can refocus on them and get right back on track.

My hope is that Best Self will give you a few more tools for your personal toolkit to help you ask for, and receive, what you seek and deserve in life. The rewards of knowing your worth will help you have healthy relationships, pursue your dreams, and reach new heights in all areas of your life.

You may also enjoy Podcast: Brendon Burchard Interview | Live, Love, Matter with Kristen Noel

The post Women, Equality, and the Pursuit of Passion appeared first on BEST SELF.