Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Having lost his father during childhood, one man is moved to write a book to help other kids deal with the daunting emotions of grief

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Grief comes in waves.When you lose someone you love—especially at a young age—it feels like you’re left forever standing at the shoreline of heartache. Some days, the tide is gentle, like wavelets brushing your ankles. Other days, it hits like a tsunami.

As an adult, you learn to expect the ebb and flow. You find ways to stay grounded, to move with the tide. The ups and downs. Loss gives depth and meaning to life. It helps to put all things into perspective. It’s—eventually—quite beautiful.

But as a child, when that first wave breaks, it’s different. You don’t know how to brace yourself. You’re pulled beneath the surface—disoriented, overwhelmed, unsure if you’ll ever make it back to shore.

When you’re a kid, you don’t have a map for emotions that big. You don’t know the waves will come and go—that you’ll survive the ups and downs. Stories, mentors, and moments of gentle guidance become like lighthouses. They don’t stop the storm, but they help you orient yourself.

I believe children are more emotionally intelligent than they’re often given credit for. They feel things deeply. They understand more than we think. But what children don’t always have is perspective.

When you’re young and in pain, you don’t know that time heals. You don’t know that the storm passes. That’s why guidance is essential—not just through parents and counselors, but through stories that act as guideposts through unfamiliar emotional terrain.

Stories give shape to the feelings you can’t name. They offer hope, connection, and perspective when everything inside feels lost and unfamiliar. That’s the gift of storytelling—and the reason I wrote The Mood Swing.

My father died when I was ten years old. He was a Major in the United States Army, a highly decorated member of Delta Force, and was buried with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery—the 21 gun salute, the folded America Flag, the pall-bearing, and the military band. He was an American hero, having lived a life of bravery and service, but he was also my hero.

I’m 30 years old now, but 20 years ago, when I was a kid, with the fresh wound of his passing, I had no idea if the new feelings I was experiencing would ever go away. My hero was gone and the light had gone out in my life.

My mom did everything she could to give me strength and stability, but I was fighting an invisible war inside my own head—one I didn’t know how to talk about. At recess, I looked around and felt like my friends were living on a different planet: theirs, the happy one. Mine, the sad one.

My world had turned dark and gray. The sadness and anxiety were so constant, I remember thinking: Is this just how life is now? Every day felt heavy, like I was carrying something no one else could see and I had no idea if it would ever end. My grief counselor called it “The Blue.”

I actually didn’t understand the loss of my father for quite some time. I just remember being sad because everyone was sad around me. Sad for me. The most visceral part for me—the hardest part—was that I was terrified something would happen to my mom.

My grief manifested as anxiety.

If my mom didn’t answer the phone, I would spiral—calling her coworkers just to hear someone say, “She’s in a meeting, she’ll call you back.” My imagination took over, inventing all the worst-case scenarios: maybe she was in a car accident… maybe she got robbed at the gas station… maybe she was kidnapped.

My vivid imagination was cultivated in a battleground of fears.

Loss gives us curses, but we can turn them into superpowers. My active imagination that developed from anxiety after my dad died once fueled my nightmares, but now that same imagination fuels my dreams. Today I live in Los Angeles, where I make my living writing movies, books and directing films and television. The tools for my work as a writer and filmmaker were sharpened at this difficult time of my life without me even realizing it. The “curse” I felt from that early loss, became my superpower.

The Mood Swing is my first children’s story, my most personal project, and my love letter to all the kids whose hearts are hurting. To say: You’re not alone. It will get better. And that pain and emptiness you’re feeling… will one day be filled with something special, and become your greatest strength.

It took time, support, and an entire village to help heal my heart. To turn my curse into a superpower. Teachers, family, friends, and even other dads stepped in to guide me—often without knowing how much it meant. I also had stories. Stories gave me hope. Stories gave me language for the big feelings I didn’t yet understand. They were maps out of the quicksand I was stuck in.

That’s the ancient power of myth. Since the beginning of time, stories have been tools for healing—ways for elders to pass down wisdom, to help the next generation navigate what they’re going through.

That’s why books that help children explore and name big emotions matter.

That’s what I hoped to offer with The Mood Swing—a bit of comfort, a touch of whimsical magic, and ultimately a new way to think about loss. If even one child, sitting alone with sadness they don’t yet understand, can read The Mood Swing and feel a little less alone—then it’s done its job.

Grief continues to visit throughout my life—at milestones, in quiet moments—but it carries a different feeling now. Something quieter. Less shattering. It doesn’t take me under anymore. Now when I look up at the night sky and see the brightest, twinkling star, I think of my dad. I feel more connected to the Universe, and to the hidden magic fabric that connects us all.

You may also enjoy reading Everyone’s Okay: The Aftermath of Trauma When a Child Loses a Parent, by Reginald L. Reed, Jr.

The post The Mood Swing: A Love Letter to Grieving Kids appeared first on BEST SELF.

An expert weighs in on key strategies to help students prepare for — and excel at — important standardized exams such as the SAT and ACT

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

My Own Battle with Test Anxiety

My journey from an average SAT scorer to achieving a perfect score and eventually founding Prep Expert has been both challenging and enlightening. Along this path, one of the most significant hurdles I faced was test anxiety — a common issue that many students encounter. Overcoming this barrier not only transformed my approach to standardized exams but also reshaped my perspective on learning and success.

Like many students, I experienced intense pressure when it came to standardized testing. The fear of underperforming or not meeting my own expectations led to a cycle of stress and anxiety, which, ironically, hindered my ability to perform well. Recognizing this pattern was the first step toward overcoming it.

Acknowledging that test anxiety was more than just nerves — it was a significant obstacle to my success — was crucial. I realized that to change my scores, I first needed to change my approach to testing, which included managing my anxiety.

I learned that conquering test anxiety required a comprehensive strategy, focusing not only on studying the material but also on enhancing my overall wellbeing and test-taking skills.

Actionable Strategies for High School Students

Foster Efficient Study Habits

Efficient study habits form the foundation of test preparation. I discovered the power of targeted practice and the importance of understanding the exam format. Utilizing official practice questions produced by the test creator and avoiding generic strategies not tailored to the test were game-changers. These practices ensure that your study sessions are both effective and reflective of the actual exam conditions.

Transform Your Approach to Learning

Beyond studying smarter, transforming your approach to learning involves embracing mistakes as learning opportunities. Keeping an “insight notebook” to jot down errors and revisiting them will help you solidify your understanding and adjust your strategies accordingly.

Enhance Your Physical and Brain Health

The connection between physical health and cognitive performance cannot be overstated. Regular exercise and a healthy diet play a crucial role in managing stress and improving brain function. During your test preparation, incorporate daily physical activity to reduce anxiety and enhance focus.

Manage Technological Distractions

In today’s digital age, smartphones and social media can significantly distract from study time. Learn to turn off technology while studying so you can concentrate fully on the task at hand, reducing stress and improving your study efficiency.

Build Self-Motivation

Self-motivation is perhaps the most crucial element in overcoming test anxiety. For me, focusing on my “why” — the reasons behind my goal of acing the SAT (or any standardized test) — provided the drive and resilience needed to push through challenging moments. Setting specific, actionable goals and visualizing success can similarly help you to stay motivated and overcome anxiety.

Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Incorporating mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, and yoga, helped me manage anxiety symptoms before and during the exam. These practices can center your mind, reduce stress levels, and improve concentration, allowing you to approach the test with a calm and focused demeanor.

Simulate Test Conditions

Regularly practicing under simulated test conditions — timed sessions, using official test materials, and mimicking the exam environment — can also significantly reduce test-day anxiety. Familiarity breeds confidence, and by making the practice conditions as close to the actual test as possible, you will desensitize yourself to the pressures of exam day.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Lastly, adopting a growth mindset — the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work — empowered me to view each practice session and every mock exam as an opportunity to grow and improve. This mindset shift can be pivotal in overcoming your test anxiety and achieving your goals.

Learn from a Tutor

Learning from a tutor who has scored high themselves and who has taught other students to score well can make a dramatic difference. You can shortcut the path to success by learning strategies from someone who has done it themself. While it is possible to self-study through books, many students learn best in group classes or through 1-on-1 tutoring. Tutors teach you strategies for success not only for the content of standardized tests, but also for reducing your test anxiety. This is what my company, Prep Expert, specializes in: providing the most effective test preparation courses with the best guarantees and instructors.

Conclusion

Overcoming test anxiety and excelling in standardized exams is a multifaceted process that involves more than just mastering the test content. It requires a holistic approach that includes developing efficient study habits, managing stress and health, minimizing distractions, and fostering a positive and motivated mindset. By implementing these strategies, you can transform your approach to testing and learning, ultimately achieving success beyond your SAT scores. I encourage all students facing similar challenges to embrace these strategies, persevere, and unlock their full potential on standardized exams and beyond.

You may also enjoy reading 5 Ways to Help College Students Who Struggle with Anxiety, by Carol Duke.

The post How I Overcame Test Anxiety and Actionable Strategies High School Students Can Use to Ace Standardized Exams appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

We hear about self-care, we may even practice it regularly; but what about your kids? Engaging them in healthy, mindful experiences will benefit you both

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In today’s fast-paced world, the concept of self-care is often touted as essential for adults. However, what many might overlook is the importance of this practice for the younger generation. Just as we, as adults, need moments of rejuvenation and self-reflection, children too require these pockets of respite to navigate their dynamic worlds.

Teaching your kids the significance of self-care isn’t just about immediate relaxation; it’s about instilling habits that allow them to reset, refresh, and gear up for the challenges and joys of the coming days. Equipping them with this knowledge and routine sets a foundation for lifelong well-being. There are myriad practical and actionable ways to seamlessly weave self-care into your child’s daily life, ensuring they grow with a balanced perspective on personal well-being; here are a few.

Seasonal Bed Linen Changes

Switching out your child’s bed linens according to the season is not just a decor move, but a significant way to improve their comfort and sleep experience. I’ve always believed that our sleeping environment greatly impacts the quality of our rest. When I upgraded my own bed linens to seasonal-appropriate ones, the difference in my sleep was palpable.

Investing in a custom bed set, designed with your child’s unique needs and tastes in mind, elevates the bedroom ambiance. Beyond aesthetics, it guarantees the use of breathable and long-lasting materials that are crucial for sleep hygiene. For those cold winter nights, a snug, warm duvet can envelop them in warmth, while during the sweltering summer evenings, lightweight, airy sheets can offer a refreshing respite. Taking such intentional steps ensures that your child drifts into a deep, rejuvenating sleep, waking up refreshed and ready to face the day.

Deep Breathing Exercises for Kids

Deep breathing exercises have been a cornerstone in my personal stress management toolkit, offering a serene path to relaxation. I can’t stress enough how transformative it can be to teach your child this simple yet effective technique. When they’re engulfed by overwhelming emotions or anxiety, guide them to take slow, deep breaths. The act of concentrating on their breath not only diverts their mind but also anchors them, helping them find their equilibrium.

From personal experience, I’ve found that this method works wonders in a pinch, especially during unexpected moments of stress. What’s more, the beauty of this practice is its flexibility; it can be done virtually anywhere and anytime. It equips them with a reliable strategy to navigate the often tumultuous waters of challenging situations, ensuring they have a coping mechanism for life.

Role-Modeling Self-Care for Your Child

Children are like sponges, absorbing the behaviors and emotions of those around them, especially their parents or caregivers. I’ve observed in my own life that when I’m constantly under stress, the younger ones around me tend to become uneasy and adopt similar feelings. If you’re frequently tense or overwhelmed, your child might sense this and begin to internalize these emotions. It’s powerful to lead by example and show them that self-care isn’t just an indulgence but a vital part of living.

Prioritize your own well-being, and make sure your child witnesses you engaging in healthy habits. In my experience, actions speak louder than words, and when they see you taking time for self-care, they understand its significance. Through this, they’ll learn the invaluable lesson of practicing self-care as a part of maintaining overall health.

Promoting Healthy Eating Habits in Children

A well-balanced diet isn’t just a recommendation; it’s a cornerstone for your child’s growth and overall wellbeing. From my own journey with nutrition, I’ve learned the value of consuming diverse foods and how that can shape one’s health for a lifetime. It’s crucial to help children grasp the importance of including a variety of nutritious items in their meals.

To pique their interest, regularly introduce them to new fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Turning mealtime into an adventure can make a world of difference. By making it both playful and educational, they can relish the tastes while learning about the benefits each food offers. Remember, fostering a genuine curiosity about food can set the foundation for healthy habits.

Making Time for Fun

Having fun goes beyond mere enjoyment; it’s an essential component of a child’s growth and development. Imaginative play shapes their creativity and thinking. Fun activities empower children to let their imaginations run wild, hone their problem-solving skills, and master the art of social interaction.

I’ve found that giving them the freedom to explore without strict guidelines can lead to the most authentic learning experiences. Hence, it’s vital to ensure your little one indulges in unstructured playtime every day. Whether it’s drawing, painting, playing with toys, or diving into sports, the world is their playground. Remember, these formative experiences can shape their future in ways we can’t even imagine.

Fostering Social Connections

Want to enhance your child’s emotional wellbeing? Building their social connections is key. When I was growing up, making strong friendships significantly shaped my emotional health. Encourage your child to forge bonds with their peers. Organizing playdates, enrolling them in clubs or sports teams, or even just spending a sunny day at the park can work wonders. These moments of connection not only create lasting memories but also equip your child with vital social skills. Nurturing these bonds results in developing essential traits like empathy and cooperation. These small steps will lead to a compassionate, well-rounded adult.

Becoming an Educated Shopper

Discover the secret to smart shopping for toys and exercise gear for your little ones. Dive into online product reviews and unlock a treasure trove of valuable insights. With just a few clicks, you can unearth high-quality, safe products. But that’s not all! By involving your child in the review reading process, you’ll be nurturing their decision-making skills and teaching them the power of informed choices. Have conversations about what they think after reading reviews. Say goodbye to disappointments and hello to shopping success.

Nurturing self-care in kids is a multi-faceted task that involves creating a comfortable environment, teaching stress management techniques, setting a good example, promoting healthy eating, allocating time for play, fostering social relationships, and making smart consumer decisions. By incorporating these self-care practices into your child’s routine, you can help them reset, refresh, and prepare for the days ahead — and enjoy some fun bonding time with them in the process.

You may also enjoy reading Cooking with Kids: Tips to Engage Your Children in the Art and Joy of Food, by Maria Lawrence.

The post Nurturing Self-Care in Kids: Activities for Resetting, Refreshing, and Preparing appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Volunteering while traveling is a great way to travel on a budget, give back to local communities and make a positive impact as you explore

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Whether you’ve just finished college or you’re taking a career break, traveling is on nearly everyone’s bucket list. Who doesn’t want to see the world, experience new cultures, and learn more about themselves along the way?

Of course, it can also be very expensive…so, how do you travel on a limited budget? One popular way is to volunteer your way across the globe.

Volunteering while traveling is a great way to give back to local communities and make a positive impact as you explore. But it can be hard to know where to begin when it comes to volunteering abroad.

In this complete volunteer travel guide, we’ll show you how to travel and volunteer responsibly and the best organizations to get started with.

Is Volunteering Right for You?

Although volunteering is an incredibly rewarding experience, it’s also hard work. Before looking for projects to sign up for, consider if you have the following traits that would make you the best volunteer.

Reliability

Organizations plan each volunteer program based on the number of global volunteers that sign up. The volunteer project might be caught short or even canceled if you aren’t reliable. It can be a little tougher to plan a reliable schedule when you’re traveling while volunteering, so make sure you have the time to give before signing up.

Interpersonal skills

You’ll meet a lot of new people while volunteering from all over the world, so having great people skills will help you form friendships much quicker. Remember, everyone is in the same boat as you are, and everyone wants to make friends while volunteering abroad.

Willingness to learn

Whether you have volunteer experience or not, there is always something new to learn and additional training. You’ll need to be open to new ideas and processes, pick up skills quickly and be willing to improve as you go.

Problem Solving

There will be times when you have to think on your feet and solve problems on the fly. You need to be up for a challenge and willing to solve issues on your own. You’ll always have your team to fall back on, but problem-solving is an important skill to work on as you volunteer.

How to Travel Through Volunteer Work Responsibly

Unfortunately, there are a lot of scams out there that masquerade as a volunteer opportunity, so it’s important to make sure the organization you’re working with is legit.

Here’s how you can travel through volunteer work responsibly and give back to local communities.

1.    Research the organization and project

No matter how professional an organization looks, always do extensive research before you sign up. Here are some things you should know:

• The cost of signing up
• The nature of the project
• The impact of the work done up until now
• The ethical procedures of the organization
• Who the beneficiaries of the project are
• Where you’ll be staying
• Past projects and testimonials from other volunteers
• Travel information

It’s normal for volunteers to pay to take part in a project, and the money usually covers your transportation, accommodation and food. But make sure there aren’t any hidden fees that will pop up while you’re working.

2.    Don’t get confused by service learning projects

Volunteering abroad is different from service learning, and it’s important to know the difference. Service learning projects have agendas and research aims and are usually funded by the government or agencies.

You’ll often be tasked with a service learning project as part of an academic degree or job role, and you’ll usually get a grant.

On the other hand, volunteering abroad typically sets out to aid local communities and achieve specific goals for welfare projects. There are private volunteer opportunities as well, such as on working farms.

When you’re researching projects, don’t get confused with service learning roles on offer.

3.    Have the right mindset

Many people use volunteering as a means of affordable travel, but it’s crucial to also use the role as an opportunity to learn about new cultures and be of service to others.

For example, if you’re volunteering in developing countries, don’t judge the people you meet as somehow inferior or in need of being saved — you are there to help them move past challenges often caused by failures in governments and to improve their quality of life.

4.    Take action after learning

As well as personal development and learning, it’s important to actually take action. After all, any volunteer work aims to better communities, so do all you can to take action after you’ve learned, observed, and immersed yourself in the culture.

5.    Live like a local

One of the key components (and joys) of being a responsible volunteer is living like a local. This helps positively impact the local community and boost micro-economies. Luckily, this is easy to do on a volunteer placement:

• Shop locally
• Eat locally sourced foods wherever possible
• Spend time in local markets
• Visit local artisans and shop owners

How Volunteering while Traveling Helps You Grow

As well as providing you with an incredible sense of accomplishment, volunteering while you travel helps you grow in several ways.

Gain new skills

No matter what kind of volunteer abroad project you sign up for, you’ll learn some new skills while you’re there. Did you know that if you participate in marine conservation, you can get your PADI Diving Certificate?

Many more wildlife conservation projects offer certifications and unique skills you’ll have with you forever. In a more general sense, you’ll also hone some of your core skills, including:

• Time management
• Problem-solving
• People skills
• Patience
• Confidence
• Teamwork

Get a better idea of your professional path

If you’re totally unsure what you want to do as a career and you’re feeling a little lost, volunteering will help immeasurably. You’ll start to get a sense of what your passions are and the kinds of roles you’d love to do as a career.

If you have an idea of what career you’d like, volunteering is also an opportunity to test the waters and figure out if it’s right for you. For example, if you’re interested in zoology, you can volunteer for a Conversation Project in South Africa and see if it’s the right fit.

Make new friends and lasting friendships

Volunteers often make lifelong friends while working and traveling. You may make fleeting friendships while traveling normally, but volunteering gives you an opportunity to get to know people better, share a unique experience, and rely on others.

You’ll come away from the experience with lasting friendships with people you would never have met otherwise.

Develop a sensitivity to other cultures

When we don’t travel often, we tend to stay within our small bubble of culture and community and rarely experience how others live. However, this limits our perspective and causes unnecessary divides in the world.

Volunteers are taught about local customs, body language, gestures, experiences, and religions. All of this will give you a deeper understanding of different cultures, greater sensitivity and allows you to reflect on your behavior in your daily life.

Improve physical fitness

Physical and mental health are both important when volunteering. Many projects can be physically demanding, so you’ll likely see your fitness levels improve. Whether you’re looking after endangered animals in a National Park in Costa Rica or doing a charity run in South America, you’ll come back with a better level of fitness.

And the challenges you will face, both culturally and personally as you navigate a radically new experience, will fortify your mental fitness as well, strengthening your ability to adapt and feel empathy.

Best Opportunities For Volunteering Abroad 

If you’re raring to go and love the idea of volunteering overseas, here is a short list of some of the best volunteering opportunities and organizations that can help you get started as an international volunteer:

• Volunteer World
• Transitions Abroad.com
• GeoVisions
• Global Service Corps
• Cross-Cultural Solutions

Traveling is a fantastic way to experience new cultures, explore different parts of the world, and make lifeline memories. Why not give back to the communities you visit?

Volunteering while traveling opens up whole new experiences and allows you to develop a real understanding of cultures that you don’t get while traveling normally. Just make sure you choose the right volunteer organization and give your time responsibly on your next adventure.

You may also enjoy reading Explore More: Tips to Travel Abroad on a Budget, by Paisley Hansen

The post Volunteering While Traveling: The Complete Guide appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

In any busy household, getting a family fed is a feat in itself. But involving your kids can make it more joyful for you both, with many benefits for them

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I remember when I first met my partner and cooked her a meal. She was amazed that I could cook, partially because I had admitted to not being particularly domesticated. Cleaning isn’t in my skill set, for instance.

“How did you learn to cook?” She asked. I responded: “I just always have been able to,” not really thinking it through.

Of course, I haven’t always been able to. The fact that I can cook and understand food is owed to my parents, who involved me in the kitchen at a very early age. It had so many benefits for me, and these have been backed up by numerous studies and other parents’ experiences when involving their children.

There are so many different benefits of cooking with children, including the joy of just spending some time with your kids and creating something beautiful together. Here are a few…and they may not be as obvious as you might imagine.

Language, math, and science

You need to be able to follow a recipe, and this involves both language and math by default, as recipes will require some form of measuring and reading to understand how to do things the correct way. So, the mere act of following a recipe hones your child’s skills in these areas.

It’s also a perfect chance to discuss other aspects of science, such as how sugar works in the baking process, what happens to the food in your body, and what makes food healthy and nutritious. You can also help to educate your child on the safety of food by using science and explaining bacteria, and how heat impacts food.

All of this can help your child gain a broader understanding of the world and develop and live a healthier life in the future.

Creativity and self-esteem

Cooking is a great chance to be creative, and it can even build a child’s self-esteem and confidence. By creating something themselves and coming up with ideas regarding what to cook, they can challenge their brains. If it works, it can be a big boost to self-esteem. And if not, they get an opportunity to explore why not and what to change the next time. This is especially true if you are cooking for others who might give feedback on the cooking.

Developing children’s motor skills

Motor skills include a variety of different ways we use our brains and our nervous system. This includes little things like walking and how we start to talk.

Things like mixing and measuring are all ways that you can help a young child develop their motor skills. For little ones, climbing up on a chair to help you can help them to learn how to balance, and pretty much every single aspect of cooking can help with motor skills.

Of course, you shouldn’t expose your children to anything that is dangerous in the kitchen, and you need to supervise them at all times while they are preparing food, or cleaning up. There is the potential for the kitchen to be a dangerous place, but this can be avoided, and parents can help their kids learn about the safety needed, especially regarding hot surfaces and sharp knives.

Acceptance of new food

If you present a new type of food to your child and they don’t know what it is, there is every chance that they will just reject it out of hand. They’re unlikely to be willing to try things, especially as they get a little bit older and they tend to stick to what they’re comfortable or familiar with.

However, if you involve your child in making the food, there is more incentive for them to try it — they’re likely to want to test out the food, as they want to see the fruits of their labors and understand how it tastes.

They will also know exactly how it was made, and it won’t look or feel so unusual and foreign to them.

Opportunity for quality family time

Getting some quality time with the family can be tough. We lead busy lives, and often it can feel like we’re ships passing in the night, only seeing family for a brief spell before getting on with other aspects of life such as work, school and various activities.

Since we all have to eat, however, preparing food together can help you reclaim a slice of family time. With your children, it can be a chance for them to get away from homework (or just to tear them away from their toys and games) and make some quality memories. As children age, they will likely see more of the benefits of spending time with their parents preparing delicious and nutritious meals — and actually seek it out.

Cooking skills every kid should know

There are certain skills we think every child should learn by a certain age. Teaching them the basics can help you a lot in the kitchen. These skills include:

• Blending and measuring. Having the skills to weigh and measure the right amounts of food will give them a foundation to build upon.
• Kitchen and knife safety. Definitely begin teaching your children the basics of safety to ensure that they aren’t likely to hurt themselves or others.
• Basic prep. This may include things like chopping and peeling. As they get older, you can trust them with more equipment or more advanced preparations. They can start with things like coring apples, mashing food, shredding cheese, or even cracking and scrambling or whisking eggs.
• Cleaning up and putting away. This is not something that will be particularly exciting for children, but it is a skill they have to learn. A messy kitchen is not going to function properly and can even create hazards. So, involve them in the process. teach children how to wash and clean up, and manage the kitchen.

Of course, every child develops at a different rate, so you should make a point of keeping things fun and not asking your kids to take on too much. Sparking their interest is the goal, and will set them up to be involved and continue learning skills well into the future.

You may also enjoy reading Fighting Childhood Obesity: How to Prevent Excessive Weight Gain in our Kids, by Lynda Arbon

The post Kids in the Kitchen: The Benefits of Cooking with Children appeared first on BEST SELF.

In a time where parents find themselves wearing many hats, it’s easy to reach for a screen. Here are tips from an expert on managing kids & technology.

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The Hard Work of Managing Kids’ Devices During a Quarantine (and in General)

One afternoon, about a year and a half ago, I was looking at my bookshelf and noticed 6 parenting books I had purchased within the previous 12 months, but never read. Out of curiosity I picked each one up to look up the page count. The average was 232. 

Now I’ve been working as a counselor with teens and their parents for nearly 25 years, so I have an intrinsic motivation to stay up-to-date on fresh ideas, but I hadn’t actually even opened any of the books since Amazon dropped them on my doorstep — until this particular afternoon when my curiosity got hold of me. 

Why? 

Simply put: time.

Having a 6 year old at home, a wife I’m committed to staying married to and a busy career — who has time to sit down and read all these 200+ page books… especially when I have to sort through the 80% filled with theories, anecdotes and research just to get to the 20% of truly helpful information?

So it got me thinking…

What if I wrote a book  — or a series of books — that cut out the 80% of stuff that keeps me procrastinating in the first place, and just focus on the 20% of practical takeaways? What if I wrote some books for parents who find themselves thinking (as I know I do) “Please, just tell me what to do!”?

the idea behind The Simple Parenting Guides was born.

I have been speaking and writing about kids and tech for the past couple years so it seemed like the obvious place to begin the series. I began working on it about a year ago, and The Simple Parenting Guide to Technology: Practical Advice on Smartphones, Gaming and Social Media in Just 40 Pages was released on May 17, 2020. 

Now, If only my book release story were as straightforward and linear as my process for writing it. Instead, I find myself having to pivot and discuss the fact that just 2 months before the book was scheduled to make its debut, the world came to a screeching halt as the result of a global pandemic. Most of us were forced to hole up in our homes and had to really scramble to figure out what to do with the kids. While many people have enjoyed the forced slow-down (at least for a bit), it has also been incredibly stressful for a lot of us. Many lost their jobs, and those lucky enough to still have them have had to figure out how to keep their kids productively engaged while jumping from Zoom call to Zoom call.

Sure, our best effort at homeschooling (which in my case isn’t saying much) can eat up about 45 minutes of the day (I have even more massive respect for teachers now), and if lucky, we might stretch out a family walk to eat up another hour or so… but what then? Those iPhones, cracked screens and all, are just sitting there staring at us, as if whispering, “Yes. Come pick me up. I can help.” 

Our kids certainly won’t resist such an opportunity. Should we? 

In the pressure cooker of being home full-time with school age children while still trying to maintain some sense of normalcy, this becomes a very challenging question to answer, and many parents — even with the best of intentions, have found their normal restrictions going out the window. 

Had my book just become irrelevant, or more relevant than ever?

Admittedly, I asked myself that question and contemplated postponing the release, but through the counsel of friends and family (and several glasses of wine with my wife — don’t judge), I decided to proceed as planned. I’ve since become convinced that the timing for this message is now more important than ever in a time when kid’s device use can easily go off the rails altogether.

So what should our attitude towards our kid’s screen time be during these strangest of times?

First and foremost, we have to remember that the real priority right now is making sure everybody gets through this in one piece…

Mentally and physically. In an era where adolescent depression and anxiety rates were already spiking, and when in 2014 suicide became the second leading cause of death amongst teenagers — the last thing we need to do is create unnecessary stress for our kids, and for our family in general. Staying connected to our kids in a healthy, positive way is more important than how much school work they get done and how much time they spend looking at their phone. 

So when it comes to device use right now, my advice is to take a deep breath and relax about it, with these few caveats:

Make Sure Devices Don’t Overtake Your Relationship

As I just mentioned, staying emotionally connected with our children is massively important right now. Whether they realize it or not, they need connection with you right now. They need you in their world (even if you barely understand it at times) so cook together, listen to music, play board games, and geek out on some Netflix (OK, technically screen time, but I’ll take that any day over more Fortnite). Whatever you can do to share time and space with them in a low-pressure, fun way — DO THAT.

Make Sure They’re Getting Fresh Air (And Sweating, If Possible)

I get they can’t be out running around with their friends or playing sports as they do under normal circumstances on playgrounds and sports fields with teams — but kids still need to move around. Physical activity stimulates and regulates the brain like nothing else does. Try to make this a cornerstone of your time together by throwing the ball around, going for hikes, or creating some body weight exercise routines in your backyard together.

Make Sure Devices Go To Bed At Night Too

If you can do absolutely nothing else, make sure there is a clear time that devices get shut down at night — and then stick to it. Kids need to go to bed and they need clear boundaries. Many of them, if allowed to, will become nocturnal animals otherwise. This is fine here and there when they have sleepovers and such, but it’s not good as a matter of habit for their physical, mental and social wellbeing. Pick a time at night that’s reasonable and shut everything down. If you have to, gather up all the devices and store them in your room. And if they claim they need their phone as an alarm clock in the morning — well, right now they don’t — but in normal times, an alarm clock will cost you about 10 bucks. It worked when you and I were kids, right?

So in summary, YES, absolutely lighten up when it comes to their device use right now, but NO, don’t let go of the reins altogether. Unprecedented times call for some flexibility.

Under normal circumstances, the average American teen spends a staggering 7.5 hours a day in front of a screen and that doesn’t even include time spent on school work. If unchecked during this time, that number can easily double. It’s hard to argue this is healthy using any common definition of the word, so lovingly stay on top of them and insist on these basic rules. They may not always like the limits you set, but they need them to grow into healthy digital citizens.

Perhaps they’ll even thank you… someday.

And another thing, the reality is that we could all use a little less screen time — especially when navigating stressful times. Step away from your own screens and lead by example. You might just enjoy it!

You may also enjoy reading Digital Minimalism: How to Manage Technology to Reclaim Your Life by Vinayak Garg.

The post Kids, Quarantine & Devices: Managing Screen Time During COVID and Beyond appeared first on BEST SELF.

A children’s book teaches that the best way to be happy is to embrace the circumstances we find ourselves in each day, rain or shine

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Wishes can be dreams and goals in embryo. They keep us hopeful, imaginative, energized. However, when our wishes persuade us that we can’t be happy until they come true, they may pull us into discouragement.

I’ve spent too much time wallowing in that puddle, wishing my life away. It’s so easy to do. We feel we can’t be happy until we’ve switched jobs, moved, found a partner, gained more money, lost weight. We find ourselves stuck, dissatisfied, always waiting for life to finally begin, for happiness to finally appear around the bend.

I’ll be happy when

I get a puppy,

a unicorn,

an ice cream sundae,and a castle with a friendly dragon.

Time and perspective have taught me that, as Anne Lamott puts it, real happiness is “an inside job.” It comes from a reservoir of love for self, for life, and for all creation that circumstances usually can’t touch.

Or, I can be happy right now.

Good fortune doesn’t produce happiness, neither must misfortune steal it away.

Even so, I need frequent reminders to claim happiness, and multiple strategies for finding contentment in dark or stressful times.

Children’s wishes run just as deep as adults’ — perhaps more so. For them, the cycle of wishing and waiting can be bewildering and emotionally exhausting. Without strategies to guide them, they may fear that their overpowering feelings will last forever, and never ease up.

We don’t have to wait for the school of hard knocks to train our children in emotional resilience. We can teach it to them right now.

They can learn, through example and instruction, to choose happiness today and tomorrow — to recognize that circumstances are on the outside, but tranquility lives within.

I wondered, when I wrote Happy Right Now, if very young children were ready to grasp that distinction. As I’ve shared the book with schools and with young readers, I’ve been touched by how intuitive they are, how readily they respond to frank discussion about their feelings, and how willing they are to learn.

I can breathe right now.

In is one.

Out is two

Breathe again, fill my belly.               

Let it flow out slowly.

Feel my body relax.

Let my bones turn to jelly.

Emotions are a common language we all share, and kids want to talk about theirs with understanding adults. In our new picture book, Happy Right Now, illustrator Holly Hatam and I hope to create read-together experiences that foster that conversation in fun, natural ways.

The book explores ways kids can choose happiness despite a day’s ordinary setbacks — bad weather, common colds, school vacations that seem never to come. We also look at times when bigger sorrows may overwhelm us — moments when our own resilience needs time to rebound, or a helpful boost from those we love.

Well, that’s okay too.

The remedy for disappointment isn’t to stop wishing. When we know how to ride the wave of life’s ups and downs, it frees us to keep on hoping and dreaming for good things to come while remaining gladly planted in the present.

My wish for all children is a foundation of reassurance and support as they practice patience, gratitude, and thoughtfulness, filling their own reservoirs and empathetically helping others fill theirs. Children have the friendly, open hearts for it, and with the right guidance, they can also have the tools. And that makes me happy right now.  

You may also enjoy reading Hello Sun! Sun Salutations to Help Children Wake Up and Greet the Day (and Life), by Sarah Jane Hinder

The post Happy Right Now: Empowering Children To Find Happiness Within appeared first on BEST SELF.

A children’s book author and illustrator shares the benefits of morning sun salutation yoga flow to greet the day — and life — a practice for all ages

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Mornings are such a special time of day. The sun rises. The earth warms. It’s a new day, with new challenges and new experiences to be had. However, in reality, mornings can be filled with chaos, anxiety and frustration. More often than not, we find ourselves frenetically running around in attempt to ensure that we are all prepared for the day ahead.

A morning routine is so beneficial for the whole family’s wellbeing. Kids love routine. These little rituals add security and comfort to the start of their day. We all have little rituals that we practice every single morning. As we wake, we may yawn and stretch. Our bodies, intuitively give a kickstart to awaken us from slumber. Perhaps you drink a cup of coffee (a green tea for me), read a chapter of your book, meditate, clean your teeth or just have a quiet moment before the hustle and bustle of family life begins. 

This time is sacred. Children also need these transitionary quiet moments from sleep to waking to being fully alert. They too, need opportunities to reset, contemplate and reflect on the previous day and what may happen today. And before we bemoan the notion that there just isn’t enough time — this practice could literally be seconds or only a few minutes. But why not extend this gift to self and take five minutes (or more) to practice some sun salutations?

Sun Salutations are amazing for awakening your entire body and a wonderful addition in creating a happier and healthier start to the day.

What are sun salutations?

Sun Salutations, also known as Surya Namaskar, are a traditional yoga practice made up of 12 poses that are linked together to form a flow. Sun Salutations originated over 3,500 years ago and were traditionally a spiritual practice and used as a way to worship the sun, and traditionally practiced at sunrise.

A fun and imaginative way for kids to learn how to practice sun salutations is to follow the flow from my book, Hello, Sun!.

Kids can reach for the sky, become a waterfall, turn into a strong bridge and fly like a swan. They can practice as a tall, still and focused mountain, taking calming breaths as they place their hands to their hearts as they connect to the earth.

So why try to fit something else into your morning routine when life is so busy?

A Positive Start to the Day

Moving, stretching and connecting to your breath is a fantastic start to the day.  Regular practice will also give your children the ability to face challenges, worries and anxieties in a much calmer way, managing emotions better as they have begun with a more positive outlook to the day.

Adding a mantra or affirmation before, during or after their sun salutations, that can be said out loud or internally, will reinforce the positivity of their practice and they can repeat regularly throughout the day as a positive reminder of how great they are and the memory of their morning.

Happy Mind

The need to stop and re-set is very important. Taking a few moments out of a busy day to connect to your body and breath is highly beneficial to mental health for both adults and children, reducing stress and anxiety.

Paying attention and being in the here and now creates calmer and happier children, giving them ability to become more focused.

With regular practice, the sequence becomes a moving meditation. This is ideal for children who find it difficult to keep still and meditate. A moving meditation reaps all the benefits of traditional seated meditation.

Healthy Heart

Stress and anxiety have a huge effect on the body as well as the mind. In a state of stress, the body reacts as though it is in danger. Exercise and mindfulness will produce all the feel-good chemicals in the brain and calms down the sympathetic nervous system, taking it from fight-or-flight mode into a much calmer and relaxed state of mind and body.

Practicing sun salutations improves flexibility, strength, coordination, and cardiovascular health.

Gain Confidence

Learning something new and enjoying the morning practice is great for self-esteem and confidence. With such a positive start your child will feel they can face the day, continuing to use their affirmation/mantra, treating themselves with regular self-love and compassion.

Creating routine encourages your child to self-manage. You will likely find that if you miss your practice for a day, your body, mind and spirit will be quickly remind you, “Hey, we haven’t done our sun salutations today!” Be forewarned, the good feels are addictive!

Yoga is also non-competitive, so the day starts without any pressure or negativity.

Bonding Experience

Taking time, no matter how short, to practice as a family is highly rewarding and will in turn strengthen relationships within the family and with others too.

Sun salutations are a fun and engaging way to spend quality time connecting to each other in movement and breath. Adults can join in with their children promoting health, wellbeing, connection and laughter, too.

There are so many amazing benefits from practicing sun salutations and the ‘yogi glow’ you feel afterwards sets you and your family up for the day.

Finding that extra time in your regular routine will make your mornings a little bit brighter and a little bit more ‘shiny’.  So why not fill your mornings with sunshine?

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You may also enjoy reading Messages Beyond Movement: Partner Yoga for Kids, by Mariam Gates and illustrated by Sarah Jane Hinder

The post Hello, Sun! Sun Salutations to Help Children Wake Up and Greet The Day (and Life) appeared first on BEST SELF.

Bedtime doesn’t always bring sweet dreams. When the mind keeps racing, guided visualizations can help us settle in for a good night’s sleep

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Bedtime is supposed to be the most relaxing time of day. We want it to be this calm moment where you and your child feel settled and ready to say goodnight. Unfortunately, that is often not the case. Even if we can get them lying town and tucked in for the night, their thoughts (like our own) can still be running a mile a minute.

In my house, right at that final kiss goodnight — is often the time my son starts to focus on all thing things he is worried about. Some of it is practical: Did he remember to feed his lizard? Is there anything he is supposed to bring to school tomorrow? While other concerns, though real, are more free-floating anxieties. Are there bad people? Is everyone safe?  

Now, all of these are important to talk about and validate, but it is also crucial for children — and adults — to have ways to soothe mentally and physically, especially at the end of the day. 

The reality is that our thoughts can often be the loudest at bedtime, making it a restless and agitated time for many people. 

Using guided visualizations at bedtime is a fun and engaging way for all of us to settle for the night. Visualizations engage our imaginations; they help us focus and breathe and send relaxation messages to the body that everything is ok and we can let go of the day. 

The mini-journeys in Sweet Dreams are designed to use imaginative story-telling and child-centered images to connect kids (and adults) with their own abilities to self-soothe.

These breathing and stress-relieving techniques will allow their bodies and minds to relax for a better night’s rest. 

Sssssh. Sweet dreams Best Selfers!

Mariam Gates’ Recent Book:

You may also enjoy reading One Breath at a Time: 4 Simple Breathing Exercises for Kids and Adults by Mariam Gates

The post Sweet Dreams: Visualizing Your Way To A Better Night’s Sleep appeared first on BEST SELF.

A children’s book author shares some practical ways we can show up differently for grief — our own and that of others

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As a culture, we’re not great at supporting the grieving, to say the least. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know what to do. We feel helpless, inadequate, ill-equipped. And as much as we say, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I don’t think that’s true.

We can imagine it. And it terrifies us.

It’s our terror that makes us ask, “was she a smoker?” when we find out someone has died of lung cancer or “was he an addict?” when we hear of a suicide. If we can assign the teensiest trace of blame, we can soothe ourselves into thinking we’ll avoid a similar fate — for us or our loved ones.

It’s our terror that makes us say things to a grieving person that are really designed to make us feel better. When we attempt to paint a silver lining around someone else’s emotional devastation — we’re simply discharging our discomfort onto them, at one of the most vulnerable moments of their life.

It’s our terror that causes us to withdraw. As sociologist Dr. Brene Brown says, “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice. Because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.” When you see the naked pain of grief on someone’s face, walking straight into that storm of emotions isn’t the easy choice, but it is the empathic one.

So the next time you’re standing there, uncertain, in the face of unutterable sorrow, here are seven ideas for you to try. 

1. Brush Up on What Not to Say

It’s a sad irony that many of the phrases that come to mind when we want to comfort someone in their grief are not very comforting at all. Just ask a grieving person how they feel about the following platitudes, so often written on condolence cards and whispered soothingly at funerals:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“I know how you feel.”
“They’re in a better place.”

When my dear friend, Kelli, was newly reeling from the loss of her teenage daughter, her mother, and her stepfather in a head-on collision — that ‘better place’ cliché was particularly painful. Mackenzie was a vibrant, happy, beloved 16-year-old who was brimming with kindness, curiosity, and limitless potential. Kelli wanted to ask, It’s better for her to NOT be here with her mother and her family? To never grow up, go to college, make friends, fall in love, or have a family of her own?

I can’t tell you the exact right thing to say, but I do know that showing up imperfectly beats not showing up at all.

Instead, start with “I’m so sorry,” “I love you,” “I’m here for you,” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.” You don’t have to explain someone’s loss to them, put it in context, or tell them how they should feel. Offers of love, sincere friendship, and connection are what a grieving person needs most. 

2. Ask a Grief Expert

Whether or not you’re acquainted with a grief counselor or trained therapist, you probably know someone who has grieved deeply. Ask what helped them through it — and what didn’t. They have wisdom to offer, and they may relish the opportunity to share.

When I first heard the news of Mackenzie and her grandparents’ deaths, not only was I plunged into personal grief, because I loved her dearly, but my heart was also shattered at the magnitude of Kelli’s loss. Daughter. Mom. Stepdad. What could I possibly say or do to offer comfort at a time like this?

So I turned to another friend, Wendy, who had navigated the tragic death of her brother years before and shortly after that, a sister-in-law, both leaving young children behind. As expected, she offered a wealth of information and ideas. 

3. Err on the Side of Being Available

I knew Kelli and I were good friends, but I didn’t want to presume just how close we were. I worried about intruding. What if I wasn’t really needed? What if she had a dozen closer friends running to her rescue? When I brought my concerns to Wendy, she said, “Err on the side of being more available than less.” It was excellent advice.

I decided that if I was going to make a wrong move here, I’d rather show too much love and support than not enough.

I’ve kept that advice in mind in the years since, and it helps me feel more confident about going with my gut. I don’t know about you, but there’s something inside of me that seems to whisper, Hey, you’re needed on this one in certain situations, although I tend to second-guess these impressions. Now, if I have a recurring thought to reach out to someone, I do my best to follow through. 

4. Look for Unfulfilled Needs

When Wendy’s brother died, she was a brand-new mom, and her pre-pregnancy clothes didn’t quite fit yet. Barely coping as it was, Wendy was paralyzed at the thought of finding a dress for the funeral, especially since she knew whatever she wore would be a painful reminder from that day forward. A woman from her church congregation showed up one day with the perfect remedy. She asked Wendy’s size, purchased a selection of dresses, and dropped them by Wendy’s house, circling back a few days later to pick up and return whatever Wendy didn’t want. 

Inspired by this gesture, I offered the same service to Kelli. What to wear was the last thing on Kelli’s mind, but she graciously agreed and was grateful to not have to face cashiers and fitting-room attendants. For my part, I was grateful to have an active, useful errand, but even more grateful to help Kelli. 

5. Don’t Rush Grief

Profound grief isn’t something a person ever ‘gets over’.

Life doesn’t go back to normal. Instead, those left behind can only hope to find a new normal.

As you regularly check in with a grieving friend, never pressure them to feel a certain way by a certain deadline. Don’t express surprise that they’re still struggling, no matter how long it has been since the loss. Don’t compare their grief or their healing to anyone else’s. You can, however, gently suggest that they talk to a counselor or attend a grief group. The Dougy Center, a national center for grieving children and families, maintains a list of 500 grief centers nationwide, which you can search by city or state.

At the same time, give your friend space to talk about the person they’re mourning. Mention their loved one by name. Reassure your friend that they won’t be forgotten. Reach out to them on their loved one’s birthday, death anniversary, or any major holiday that is likely to rekindle feelings of loss (spoiler alert: most holidays do). Add significant dates to your calendar, so they’re easy to remember year after year. Even a simple ‘thinking of you this month’ text can help your friend feel less alone.

6. Have a Go-To Gift

Sometimes we’re not in a grieving person’s close circle of friends, but we still feel a desire to offer love and friendship. For these situations, I like to keep a few go-to gifts on hand, so it’s easier for me to act on the impulse to reach out. If I have to go shopping for a gift or think about it too much, the moment may pass. 

Children’s picture books make beautiful gifts for grieving children and adults alike. I love The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld, which is great for myriad challenges, from death to divorce to not making the team to an unwanted move. I have three copies of the book, and three stuffed rabbits, ready and waiting for someone to need them next. I’ve also given away and repurchased Ida, Always by Caron Levis and Charles Santoso multiple times, a beautiful story based on true events about a polar bear at the zoo who must learn to carry on after his treasured companion dies of a prolonged illness. My go-to gift for the loss of a canine companion is Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. 

7. Look for Connection

Brene Brown was right. Empathy is the vulnerable choice, as it forces us to confront our own deepest fears. But it’s the only way any of us make it through life’s dark seasons. When someone you love has been stricken by tragedy, it takes courage to walk willingly into the storm, arms open wide, when you have no idea what to say. Take comfort in the fact that your grieving friend isn’t likely to remember what you said anyway; she’ll just remember you were there. 

“The truth is, rarely can a response make something better,” Brown says. “What makes something better is connection.”

Showing up for grief open-heartedly is a radical act of compassion for us all. It’s not about fixing, it’s about showing up… and sometimes that just means sitting beside someone, holding their hand, and being. 

ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR: BIRGITTA SIF was born in Reykjavik, Iceland. She lives with her family in England. Visit her at birgittasif.com 

Angie Lucas’ Recent Book:

You may also enjoy reading Life After Death: Healing Grief, Redefined by Sarah Nannen

The post The Courageous Art of Supporting Someone in Grief (At Any Age) appeared first on BEST SELF.

Bringing mindfulness into schools transforms learning while empowering children with life skills to break cycles of poverty, violence and despair.

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I hear this over and over with greater frequency these days: “What’s happening in our schools?” 

The unfortunate reality is that the answer to that question has broadened beyond the issues of declining grades, the achievement gap, and high teacher turnover to now including increased school violence, skyrocketing rates of teen suicide, bullying, and substance abuse. 

So what’s next and how do we respond?

The sense of frustration and despair that underlies these trends is what inspired me, and my lifelong friend Janice Houlihan, to create Inner Explorer — a guided mindfulness program designed for children and schools from PreK-12. 

As mothers of young boys, we created the program because we recognized that helping kids develop mindfulness skills early in life would be a game changer for them.

While it may not stop the negative influences of the outside world, it would give them the tools and habits of mind to navigate these challenges with greater ease. 

We know we can positively influence and amplify the potential of an entire generation of children by making healthy cognitive development the norm, not the exception. That’s why we created this non-profit organization in 2011 to help kids see more clearly, to better understand themselves and their potential, and to move into the world with compassion, creativity and confidence. These skills are best developed as a result of repeated inward focus and the exploration of the self because these are the strengths that emerge from within. 

Prior to Inner Explorer, I had been practicing mindfulness since 1995 and had integrated it with great success as a daily routine with my team at GE Healthcare in the early 2000’s. We experienced how this simple practice can transform our outlook, stop anxiety, lessen depression and suicide ideation, and elevate feelings of hope and compassion. It was amazing to experience and to witness! 

Considering the mountain of research proving mindfulness improves brain function, emotional regulation, and performance — for athletes to corporate executives to students — it became clear to me that we need this programming in every school to reach kids in their formative years.

Every adult I talked to about mindfulness said the same thing: “I wish I had learned these skills as a child.” So what if instead of wishing, we took that wisdom and did something about it?

Just imagine what life could look like if these ‘life skills’ were incorporated to curriculum and considered as vital as academic ones.

We know the root issue for most kids’ poor outcomes is chronic stress. While a little stress is healthy, constant stress becomes toxic to both the body and the brain. Stress activates the limbic system — our fight-or-flight center — and inhibits the prefrontal cortex (PFC), where executive functions such as critical thought, creativity, and learning happen. 

When stressed, students physiologically cannot absorb new ideas or lessons because the prefrontal cortex is ‘off line’.

Whether kids are dealing with poverty, a difficult home life, or anxiety about testing and other school pressures, stress is stress and has a debilitating effect on a student’s ability to learn. This toxic level of stress has created an unbelievably challenging environment for teachers, students, and families. 

Think about trying to successfully educate kids when 40% more teens are killing themselves, 85% say they are significantly stressed, and 51% now live in poverty. It’s no wonder the U.S. ranks 38th in Math and 24th in Science compared to our global counterparts. Even worse, 16% of students don’t even graduate from high school. This startling statistic rises to upwards of 30% for students in urban school districts.

We need to change these trajectories or risk perpetuating the growing income gap by failing another generation of children. 

Mixed with a sense of urgency and hope, I left GE to figure out how to incorporate mindfulness into schools. I trained at UMASS Center for Mindfulness to become a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) trainer and then went back to graduate school to learn how to adapt and evaluate mindfulness programming for kids.

This is where Inner Explorer comes into the picture. Mindfulness-based programs have been shown to reduce symptoms of stress, and mental health disorders, while improving attention, cognition, well-being, and sleep quality. Mindfulness programs have gained momentum in education over the past 15 years because they address the root causes of school failure by enhancing the brain networks associated with learning. 

When mindfulness is practiced in the classroom, students become ‘ready to learn’ and teachers become ‘ready to teach’.

Before Inner Explorer, the majority of mindfulness programs for the classroom fell into two models: Outside trainers delivering the training to students, or existing classroom teachers becoming proficient so they could deliver the training directly.  Although both models work, they can be difficult to sustain due to cost, scheduling conflicts, training time and staff turnover. As a result, a 5- to 10-minute daily practice — a critical element of the program’s success — is almost always abandoned once the ‘trainer’ leaves because classroom teachers and students are often uncomfortable leading this length of practice themselves.

Inner Explorer has grown quickly — from 3 to 3,100 schools serving more than 800,000 students — because it makes daily mindfulness practice easy and accessible to every classroom and every family. It can support the teacher training model above, since the sequence of audio-guided practices ‘teach’ students and teachers simultaneously as they listen together. It’s simple for teachers to implement because they can easily log in and press the ‘play’ button. It requires no training or changes to the planned curriculum. Families can even listen at home or work to the same practice that their child hears in school.

Our goal was to make sure that teachers had everything they needed to bring daily mindfulness into the classroom as soon as possible.

Our solution was simple in concept but took a great deal of development to bring it to life. 

We created four age-appropriate series covering preschool to high school, each with 90 audio-guided daily practices, along with several shorter transition practices. Teachers also have access to a full tool kit of additional information and research to support their efforts in the classroom. We have recently added several new narrators, a Spanish language version of the program, as well as a dedicated Test Taking series, which adds another layer to the regular daily practice.

Our program has been a quantifiable success.

In three separate, peer-reviewed studies, our mindfulness practices have been proven to effectively reduce stress by 43%, bring behavioral issues down by nearly 60%, and improve grades in key subject areas by more than 10%. 

Today, Inner Explorer is working to expand into more schools and to increase daily practice within those schools. As a non-profit, we are seeking help not only in terms of foundation and donor funding, but also from parents and grandparents sharing our information with their networks of friends to help build awareness and support. 

While there are many programs that address symptoms, very few get to the cause. As an example, administrators respond to school violence with more metal detectors, locker searches, and active shooter drills. Although those things may make some people feel safer, they certainly do not get to the root of why people want to bring a weapon into a school in the first place. 

Our mission at Inner Explorer is to help every child…

…the potential shooter and the targets, the bully and bullied, the loners and the popular students, the anxiety-ridden top students and frustrated and disconnected bottom students. When they discover their truest self through these daily mindfulness practices, the external labels begin to fall away. That is when who they really are starts to show up. 

The passion, the potential, the excitement — it’s all in there; mindfulness simply provides a path for kids to find it. We are committed to the daily practice of mindfulness because we know it will strengthen critical brain networks associated with learning while bolstering the skills necessary to face adversity and trauma with compassion and resilience. This is how we equip today’s children with the tools they need to break the cycles of poverty, violence and despair in one generation.

It sounds like a lofty goal, but Inner Explorer is committed to changing the world, one student at a time.

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Explore Mindful Test-Taking Practices Here

Experience Sample Mindfulness Practices Below:

You may also enjoy reading The School Nutrition Dilemma: An Insider Speaks Out by Tim Cipriano

The post Mindfulness in the Classroom: Learning from the Inside Out appeared first on BEST SELF.

By working with children’s imaginations, teaching mindfulness in the classroom can help students navigate their inner feelings and experience

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Teaching mindfulness to kids, at face value, actually sounds ridiculous. Trust me, I hear it all the time. But while images of a lotus-legged four year-old ‘OM-ing’ quietly may come to mind, that’s never been quite what I am trying to do in my work as a therapist, parent coach, and consultant to a number of different schools.

But what I have found is that we can still share elements of mindfulness with kids of all ages and encourage them to use those skills on their own.

Just as we don’t start in kindergarten with calculus, but instead we start with 1 + 1, we can begin by teaching elements of mindfulness like paying attention, being in the here and now, and acceptance and curiosity. As many a skilled parent or child professional knows, just through the magic of play and imagination, you can help to lengthen children’s attention span and ability to be still. 

A playful way for kids to learn mindfulness — and their ABCs — is to use ALPHABREATHS to find breaths that best fit how they’d like to feel. Here are 5 opportunities for kids and adults to practice: 

1. To Gain Confidence

For example: Getting ready to try something new, take a test, participate in a sporting event

‘D’ Dolphin breath: Breathe in as you lift your arms up high. Breathe out as you imagine diving into the ocean.

2. To Manage Stress & Frustration

For example: When something is not going your way, or you are feeling nervous anticipation, or anxiety 

‘E’ Elevator breath: As you breathe in, imagine your breath going all the way up to the top floor of your belly. As you breathe out, imagine it going all the way down to the bottom.  You can even count floors as you breathe.

3. To Feel Focused

For example: For school & task-related activities (homework, studying for a test, quiet reading) and transitioning between activities

‘O’ Oatmeal breath: Breathe in and imagine you are smelling a bowl of hot oatmeal. Then breathe out like you are blowing on your oatmeal to cool it off.

4. To Feel Better When Feeling Down

For example:When someone hurts your feelings, something did not go the way you hoped — this is a chance to practice self-compassion

‘T’ Teddy Bear breath: Lay down on your back and put a teddy bear on your tummy. As you breathe in and out, watch your teddy bear go up and down.

5. To Feel Quiet & Calm

For example: Transitioning out of a busy activity into quiet time, like getting ready for bed

‘R’ Redwood breath: Breathe in and reach your arms up high like branches extending to the sky. Breathe out and imagine you have roots growing from your feet deep into the earth.

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You may also enjoy reading Messages Beyond Movement: Partner Yoga for Kids, by Mariam Gates

The post ALPHABREATHS: The ABC’s of Mindful Breathing For Kids appeared first on BEST SELF.

Mindful breathing exercises can help children (and adults) develop the tools they need for self-soothing and self-regulating as they navigate life’s stresses

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Anyone who spends time with children regularly knows they can go through a wide range of emotions — in a single morning. Learning how to navigate some of the ‘big feelings’ like anger, frustration, and sadness can be a big task for little ones, but it is an essential skill for growing up and overall wellbeing. Mindful breathing exercises can help children develop the tools they need for self-soothing and self-regulating in any moment. (And here’s the good news, they work equally well for adults.)

We know intuitively that our breathing affects how we feel emotionally and physically. When under stress it is not uncommon to even ‘hold our breath’ or hyperventilate. The breath is a powerful bridge between our mind and body and sometimes a simple shift in our next inhale and exhale can be the fastest way to bring ease and clarity to any situation. 

In stressful moments our body moves into what is known as ‘fight or flight’ or ‘freeze’ mode. Regardless of the threat (real or imagined) our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shallow and other changes happen to manage the challenge at hand. This is helpful if we are actually escaping a lion, but the stress response is the same even if what we are ‘handling’ is not understanding the directions in class, feeling left out or having to share. 

It is incredibly empowering to give children a way to move themselves out of that reactive, and at times overwhelming state, and into the calm and confident feeling of what is known as ‘rest and digest.’ For all of us, the fastest way to shift the stress response is by slowing down and focusing on the breath. And the benefits don’t end there. Breathing can help even when the ‘difficulty’ is simply having trouble waking up in the morning. Bringing more oxygen into the bloodstream can make even a tired morning go a little smoother.

It is important to practice these techniques when children are relaxed so that they can identify them as resources they can use when stressful moments arise. Notice how even reading through the exercises will have you both breathing a little easier. Try these now!

RAINBOW BREATH

Use this breath to develop focus and feel calm and awake for the day.

Sit up and let your spine grow tall

Bring your arms straight to the sides, palms down.

Inhale and sweep your arms up over your head, palm to palm.

Exhale and bring your arms back

Straight out to the sides, palms down.

Repeat three times. 

DANDELION BREATH

Use this breath to build confidence and release worry.

Sit up and let your spine grow tall.

Imagine a soft dandelion flower.

Take a deep breath in

and then blow the air out slowly,

sending the seeds into the air.

Repeat three times. 

COUNTING BREATH

Use this breath to self-regulate and gain clarity in frustrating situations.

Sit up and let your spine grow tall.

Take a deep breath in, counting silently 1 . . . 2 . . . 3.

Then let your breath out, counting silently 1 . . . 2 . . . 3.

Repeat three times.

BELLY BREATH

Use this breath to self-soothe and feel calm and comforted when sad and/or hurt.

Lie down on your back.

Place one hand on your chest.

Place the other hand on your belly.

Take slow deep breaths and feel your 

chest and your belly move up and down

as the air goes in and out of your body. Repeat three times.

You may also enjoy reading ALPHABREATHS: The ABC’s of Mindful Breathing For Kids by Christopher Willard

The post One Breath at a Time: 4 Simple Breathing Exercises for Kids and Adults appeared first on BEST SELF.

Through Kids For Peace, youth are driving a global movement of consciousness and kindness, pairing compassion with action

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I admit: I am biased. 

I have been a fan of the organization profiled this month since it was created in 2006 by a high school honors student (Danielle Gram) and a former elementary school teacher/mother of two (Jill McManigal — my sister!) who bonded at a neighborhood gathering over a peace sign button on Jill’s lapel. What started organically as a small group of kids wanting to make our world a better place, has grown into an interconnected network of young peacebuilders worldwide.

Read on to see why I am so proud to showcase, what I trust you will agree, is one special organization worthy of our attention and support.

All the best,

— Joy McManigal, Youth Editor, Best Self Magazine

Imagine a small team of big-hearted and tenacious individuals sitting around a kitchen table working their magic to inspire 500 million acts of kindness, build schools and playgrounds in ravaged communities around the world, activate a critical mass of people to shift global consciousness, while overseeing 450 chapters in 121 countries on 6 continents. And did I mention that they also managed to break a Guinness Book of World Record? Phew!

This is the world of Kids for Peace, a global 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization based in Carlsbad, California. In true grassroots fashion, all this amazing work is done by mostly volunteers who share one unifying goal: to uplift our world through love and action. 

Kids for Peace programs and events provide a platform for young people to create peace through youth leadership, community service, arts, environmental stewardship, global friendships, and thoughtful acts of kindness. By sparking the innate talents, dreams, and passions of young people, Kids for Peace serves as a model and inspiration for creating this reality, not only for today, but for the generations to come. 

At the heart of all Kids for Peace activities is their kid-created Peace Pledge: 

I pledge to use my words to speak in a kind way.
I pledge to help others as I go throughout my day.
I pledge to care for our earth with my healing heart and hands. 

I pledge to respect people in each and every land.
I pledge to join together as we unite the big and small.
I pledge to do my part to create PEACE for one and all. 

What’s not to love about all that?!

The signature program of Kids for Peace is The Great Kindness Challenge (TGKC) — a grassroots movement to cultivate kindness in our schools, families, communities, and world with a motto that says it all: KINDNESS MATTERS (because it does!)

Working with schools and Kids for Peace chapters around the world, TGKC is a positive and proactive bullying prevention initiative for Pre K-12 schools. At the heart of week-long program is the belief that kindness is a strength that creates a win/win dynamic for both the giver and the receiver. By providing a checklist of suggested acts of kindness, students have the opportunity to repeat kind act after kind act. 

As kindness becomes a habit, peace becomes possible.

How this uplifting program came to be can be traced back to 2011 when the elementary school that Jill’s children attended asked her to help create a more positive, unified, and respectful school environment. As a result, TGKC was designed and piloted with three Carlsbad, California schools. Because of their innovative approach and wildly successful results, word spread — and a kindness movement was born. 

Last year, 10 million students performed 500 million acts of kindness in 100 countries. This year, 13 million students in 24,000 schools in 113 countries inspired over 650 million acts of kindness. Pretty impressive numbers for a group that still works around a kitchen table! ABC’s Good Morning America thought so, which is why they have repeatedly showcased The Great Kindness Challenge.

Another impressive Kids for Peace undertaking is the Kind Coins Campaign — a service initiative to empower youth to become global citizens and compassionate philanthropists. Working with Kids for Peace chapters and schools, coins are collected to help build schools and playgrounds for communities in need. 

To date, the campaigns include:

• Kinds Coins for Kenya — 148 U.S. schools raised $80,000 to build a Kids for Peace school in the remote village of Mikei, Kenya. Several groups of Kids for Peace volunteers have also traveled to Kenya to build the school and an infirmary, as well as replenish supplies and make new friends.
• Kind Coins for Pakistan — Money was raised from 157 schools to build a new school and peace center in Loralai, Pakistan. 
• Kind Coins for Liberia — Money is currently being raised to help build a health clinic in Paynesville, Liberia, a village devastated by the Ebola crisis.
• Kind Coins for Disaster Relief — 80,000+ students from 200+ schools raised money to build 4 new playgrounds at schools in hurricane-impacted communities in Texas, Puerto Rico, and Florida, with one more to be built in Paradise, California. Hasbro, Inc., through its BE FEARLESS BE KIND philanthropic initiative, matched $100,000 of the funds raised, a reminder that everybody has a role to play in creating a kinder world.
• Kind Cards for Paradise — $13,535 was recently raised to help an elementary school in Paradise, California recover from the fires that destroyed their community.

Inspired by social media’s power for good, Kids for Peace sponsored #DoItForPeace — an online experiment to shift global consciousness. The premise is simple: start with a group of 1,000 ignitors who do one act of peace and then share it on social media, inviting 5 friends to do the same. The scope and impact of this week-long viral movement is still being felt worldwide. Some people posted peace sign selfies, but some people chose to go big (check out the surfboard peace sign and first ever free-fall skydive peace sign!). 

A Kids for Peace event that always brings smiles to those lucky enough to attend is the annual party to celebrate a Peace Hero — a well-recognized role model who lives by the words of the Peace Pledge and inspires people to be their best self. Chosen by the Kids for Peace chapters, Peace Hero honorees include: Jason Mraz, Ellen DeGeneres, Stedman Graham, Ben Harper, Susan Sarandon, Tony Hawk, Rob Machado, Frances Fisher, RJ Palacio, and Jane Goodall.

Taking the message of peace on the road is another way Kids for Peace spreads the love. Every couple of years, Kids for Peace organizes a Peace Pledge Tour — a chance for youth from across the globe to join together for an inspiring trip focused on leadership training, community service, and peace-building activities. Past tours included trips to New York City, Washington DC, and Kansas.

Last year, an intrepid group of kids and adults went on The Kindness Matters Bus Tour — a coast-to-coast event that kicked off in New York City at Times Square before traveling to Philadelphia, Washington DC, North Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, Texas, and finally wrapping up in California. Along the way, the volunteers spread smiles as they performed 50 acts of kindness while riding in style in their snazzy bus.

Impressed yet? Well there’s more!

Kids for Peace has interviewed celebrities on the Red Carpet at the Emmy’s, published 4 books written and illustrated by youth from around the world, and hand-delivered over 10,000 Peace Packs filled with school supplies to children in need. 

They are also included in the Guinness Book of World Records for creating the largest collage of cut-out handprints. This galvanizing action occurred during the 2015 Great Kindness Challenge when over 180,000 students each decorated one handprint to symbolize their commitment to kindness. Together, they created 104,108 kind-hearted handprints to brighten the spirits of patients and their families at the Dignity Health Glendale Memorial Hospital in California. A world record was broken with an inspirational and creative act of kindness — another wonderful example of Kids for Peace in action.

So, the next time you start to lose faith in the future, think about Kids for Peace and all the amazing ways young people are uplifting our world through love and action… and heartfelt acts of kindness. 

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For more information, please visit kidsforpeaceglobal.org | thegreatkindnesschallenge.com

You may also enjoy reading The C4 Way: Empowering Youth To Be Their Best Selves by Joy McManigal

The post Kids For Peace: How a Youth Grassroots Movement Is Shifting Global Consciousness appeared first on BEST SELF.

In a world that tells us to get over and move through emotions as fast as possible, a breath of fresh air comes from a mother daughter team who craft a tale in honor of feelings

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Musings from Sofia Brogan Fink (9 years old):

I love writing books, when I was about 7 years old I wrote and self-published a ‘book’ with my family called, The Amazing Power Of You. It was really fun and I was really pleased with myself. So when me and my mom decided to write this book — I was really excited! We had a good time writing it and once we finished, I was really excited to publish it to the public. It was a really long publishing process. The artwork in A Time For Rain is absolutely amazing and added a lot of fun to the book. 

The meaning of A Time For Rain is the importance of feelings. A little girl named Asha living in the land of Sangati is troubled because of the lack of rain. Up above, the Sky Being (Natural Forces) are being offered eternal happiness. But it turns out that might not be the solution. This book helps children understand what life would be without feelings. Nothing would matter and no one would care about anything. There would be no ‘happy’ or ‘sad’ and no one would feel pain or joy. I hope you and your family (including the adults!) enjoy this book! 

~ Sofia Brogan Fink

Kelly Brogan M.D.:

Stop crying Danny!

That tears are a bad thing is so baked into our social fabric that parents might find themselves renouncing crying without any awareness of the deeper implications. It might not even present as admonishment… “Don’t cry Sara, you’re fine, do you want a popsicle?” is drawn from the same pool of feeling-shaming, hurt-distracting, and pain-minimizing consciousness.

Have you ever stopped yourself from crying? Why? Because you don’t want to feel out of control, or make someone you’re with uncomfortable? Because you don’t have time for the arc that tears — real, deep tears — demand?

We value toughness. We value cooperation. We value rational predictability. And feelings — when they are truly felt — are messy, wild, and sometimes ugly to our constrained sensibilities.

But the only way out of the epidemic of feeling-people-turned-medicated-psychiatric-patients is to rebrand and reframe feeling as a cultural collective. And I believe it starts with our messaging as parents and our orientation toward shadow elements like anger and sadness. We have to model a conscious relationship to our own dark parts, and we have to show our children what it looks like to move through these spaces.

Is Depression Sadness or The Fight Against It?

Through this process of rebranding sadness as necessary, we may even learn that what we are calling depression has less to do with felt sadness than with the persistent resistance against it. Sadness, sorrow, grief, and pain are kinetic and dynamic. They rise and release. They move.

It is the fight against these forces, the conditioned fear of them, and the effort to ignore the banging from the room you locked them in that collapses one’s life experience. Depression feels like a wired tiredness. The agitation of disconnection. It is a silent war against the soul. 

Thus, healing from depression necessarily involves a reframing of beliefs and a shifting of mindset around the meaning of this emotional bandwidth and more inclusive orientation. These beliefs are the portal to change. 

Shape Your Families Beliefs: A Book to Support You

“Where do these beliefs come from?” Beliefs are handed down within families, like psychological DNA base pairs, and it is the journey from our homes out into the wild blue yonder that tests, reifies, and perhaps transforms these beliefs.

I have taken this journey — am on it now — and recognize the urgency of consciously shaping the beliefs around emotions that my daughters will marinate in.

For this reason, my daughter and I sat down one rainy day and drew up a tale in defense of feelings. We wrote a book about the land of Sangati where Asha and her family were praying for rain during a mysteriously dry period that was causing everything to fall out of balance, and her grandmother to be ill. Little did she know that the Sky Beings in charge of the weather and natural cycles were all under a happiness spell, taking a potion from a sun god who promised ease and comfort. A young goddess, Indra had forgotten that her tears were important, however, not only to her, but to the the very land below. In this story, she breaks the spell, saves Asha, her family, and heals the land with the sensitivity of her heart. We called it A Time For Rain.

As I witness the reclamation of feelings once relegated to the catacombs of wrongness in my patients and online community, I see that feeling grief, sadness, and pain are a way to reconnect to the fabric of humanity. It is an opportunity to tap into a current of energy that runs through us all. And perhaps, allowing this current to pass through sensitizes us to wise response and relationship to the earth itself. Because it may not be carbon quotas the earth needs. The earth may need us to feel the sorrow of her abuse, mistreatment, and disregard. Felt sadness has this wisdom to offer.

And the greatest gift we can give to our children, and to this planet, is permission to feel it all — every day.

You may also enjoy the Best Self Interview with Kelly Brogan, MD

The post A Time For Rain: A Mother Daughter Reclamation of Feelings appeared first on BEST SELF.

The real story of fulltime travel, homeschooling and togetherness — debunking myths and doing life differently

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Dear Readers:

There are many ways to educate and empower young people. Some are more conventional, some are more out-of-the-box. This issue of Best Self Youth focuses on one unconventional family and their decision to pack up and hit the road — not for a summer road trip or extended vacation, but for a life of full-time travel.

Whether or not you decide to embark on your own life-changing adventure, I hope you find some inspiration and guidance from the Orr family’s experiences as full-time travelers. Life on the road may not be a choice you ever imagined being possible for you or your family, but as this story reminds us, there are many ways to raise a family of best selfers.

So, go forth and tap into that inner wanderlust!

Joy McManigal,  Best Self Youth Editor

• • •

Have you ever imagined what life would be like if you could scoop up your family, ditch the 9-5 grind, the carpool, PTA, and birthday party circuit — and ride off into the sunset to see the most beautiful places you have never seen before? Come on, admit it… who hasn’t?

Social media is chock-full of hashtags #travelingfamily #fulltimefamily #homeiswhereyouparkit and photographs documenting the lives of the lucky people who have done this. Some of them have small kids, some have older ones. Some of them live in tents, some in fancy motorhomes, and some in tiny Airstreams. Nonetheless, they are doing life differently. Though they post about how their life is far from perfect and how life on the road can have its difficulties, they’ve somehow got two things figured out: travel to breathtaking places and serious quality time with their families — and both for more than a few weeks a year.

How did they get so lucky? And what does it actually look like day-to-day?

These questions (and lots more) confronted us six years ago. Prior to 2012, we had spent a couple of wonderful years living overseas with our two babies and were trying everything we could to fit back into our ‘real’ lives in America. As they say, sometimes you can never go back home again.

We had the trappings that society tells us should make us happy: the big, beautiful house, stable jobs, two new cars, and all the fun material goodies to go with it. But we were not living in our groove, aligned with our authentic selves. Something else was calling to us. In fact, we were miserable again, like so many times before when we realized the choices we had been making were not helping us become who we really were meant to be.

Between the jobs and the social calendars, we simply did not have enough time together. We never seemed to find time to get outside and explore or meet new people or discover cool new places together. Something had to change. So, we had a talk and quickly remembered that we both tend to feel most alive when we are doing life our own way — a bit unconventional, no doubt — by traveling as a family and moving to new places.

We didn’t know where it was going to lead, but we dove in anyway. We decided to take the closest opportunity for a move available to us — a job transfer — then put our house on the market and moved to the coast. About a year later, we realized we wanted to move again. We loved the challenge and adventure that moving to a new community gave us — the new friends, new places to discover, and the togetherness that happens when we as a family are living outside of everyone’s comfort zone, leaning on each other. But rental deposits and U-hauls were expensive, and our furniture was getting heavier and heavier. We thought there surely must be a better way. We certainly couldn’t be the only ones dreaming of traveling and moving more, right?

A quick search on the internet told us we were right — there were people out there doing something called ‘full-time travel’. It rang as music to our wanderlust ears. Most of these full-timers were young single people who had figured out how to make money travel blogging. However, there were a few families who were making it work too, in all sorts of creative ways.

Twenty-one sleepless nights later, we found ourselves in the process of selling everything we owned and purchasing a RV and truck with plans to travel across the US. We had no idea how we would make it work since I did not have a remote job at the time, but we took the plunge nonetheless.

After those initial few weeks of doubt sprinkled with panic — What have we just done? — we have never looked back. We took an action step for ‘togetherness’: for adventure together, for work together, school together, and exploring the unknown together. It was a choice to recognize that life can be lived in all sorts of ways. It was a choice to see beyond convention and even our own preconceived limitations. It was a choice to see possibility.

Five years later, no regrets. We would still make that choice all over again.

These days, our choice for togetherness looks like a family of four living in a 200-square-foot Airstream while traveling across the United States — homeschooling, visiting national parks, enjoying nature, working, and living our life with more togetherness than we ever knew possible. We often spend months or a season in one location.

Would this approach to life and family work for everyone? Absolutely not, but it may look a little differently than what you may be imagining.

We are always surprised by the myths we hear about what we do, as well as those about why this lifestyle would never work for others. That’s why we were excited to be invited to share a bit of our journey with Best Self Magazine, to debunk some of the myths surrounding full-time travel, homeschooling and doing life differently. By shedding some light on myths about yourself and what you think is possible for your own life, it is our hope that it may spark others to re-envision how to think out of their own life boxes and on their terms — to live vibrantly, passionately and expansively.

5 Myths About Us

Myth 1: We are roughing it

Many people tend to think of full-time travelers as either living out of hotels or short-term rentals or trying to survive in a cramped RV with tiny versions of everything. While this may be true in some cases, we live in an Airstream that is pretty similar to living in a regular small house. We have two AC units and heaters, a furnace, a decent-sized refrigerator, a 3-burner stove, and even a pressure cooker that we use almost daily. We have a decent-sized bathroom, and we all shower every single day like good southerners. We also have more technology devices than we could possibly use at one time, along with a high-powered cell signal booster on the roof right beside our solar panels, and 3 WiFi hot spots to ensure that we can always work remotely from wherever we happen to be.

Whatever ‘roughing it’ may be, we are pretty sure we are not doing it, unless you catch us on one of the days when we have decided to live off-grid in the summer without our air conditioner for a while.

Myth 2: We live in a trailer park

While there are a lot of private campgrounds and RV parks out there that look like parking lots, where big rigs cruise in and plug up just inches from each other, and while loads of people enjoy spending time in such places for their pools, hot tubs, and game rooms, among other perks — those places are just about as far from our style as you can get.

Instead, most days you can find us in a forest or a desert, or right by the ocean on the beach.

When we are trying to travel quickly, we take advantage of a night or two of free camping at a Cabela’s or we cash in our Harvest Host membership where we can stay overnight at a vineyard, brewery or farm for just a small purchase in their shop. In other words, we get creative. But when we travel slowly with more time, we stay in a lot of wild, free places such as Bureau of Land Management property out west, state fisheries in the east, and other interesting places in between.

Most summers we like to work/camp under the tall evergreens on the coast of Maine. Most winters we pay a nightly fee for a state or national park campground in the Florida Keys, or head over to Texas for the free beach camping, or out west to the wide-open spaces. Wherever we end up, you probably will not find us in a trailer park, although we do know other travelers who love them. 

Myth 3: We are lucky people who have it all together

There might be such a thing as luck, but I am not so sure you will find that it follows full-time travelers. While we feel so blessed to have supportive family members who refrain from giving us a hard time about our choices (at least most of the time). Although we have two sets of really amazing grandparents who send our children special treats wherever we may be, and heaps of outstanding friends who stay connected no matter how long we go between visits — we don’t consider ourselves as having it all together.

We still have bad days. We still wonder what in the world we are doing and whether it will all shake out well in the end.

We still have our moments of doubt and upset. But we also realize that everyone else goes through those things as well, travel or no travel.

Many people ask us if we are independently wealthy or if we have some benefactor funding our travels. Despite mulling over how amazing that would be — the answer continues to be no. In fact, I work full-time remotely for a non-profit while going to school for my master’s degree and homeschooling the boys. Matthew (my husband) plans all of our travels, does all of the driving and Airstream repairs, helps with homeschooling, and works at the best campgrounds we can find when we want to stay put for a while. Needless to say, there is a whole lot of work that goes on and not a lot of luck, which seems to be the case for most full-time traveling families, or at least the ones we have met.

I say we create our own luck.

Myth 4: We impose this on our children

Some people look at our lifestyle and think that our two boys must be miserable with no space, no privacy, no friends, no stability — and perhaps even no voice. On the contrary. Since we started traveling back in 2013, every single summer we sit them both down and ask them how they think life is going and what needs to change as we get ready for a new year. This is a family decision.

Our boys play a critical role in our chosen dynamic; they have both a voice and a vote in the conversation. Most of the time this talk is tied to our homeschool goals and whether or not it is time to consider public or private school or something else, but inevitably the conversation leads to the crux of it all: our travel lifestyle. We simply ask them: What do you think? Should we settle down this next year or travel a little bit longer? Are you making enough friends? Do you have enough space and everything you need? Are we missing something?  So far, they are both still voting for the travel option right along with us.

Our hope is that our togetherness will continue to have more of a positive impact than any negative impact that the lack of space or certain conventions may cause.

Also, we think our kids have the coolest friends, even if it is a small group. There are literally so many traveling families out there that we have friends all over the world, which is definitely one of the many reasons we are thankful for full-time travel.

Myth 5: We have checked out of life

While it is true that we do not regularly deal with the shuffle to little league, school drop-offs and pick-ups, birthday parties, extended family gatherings, or even daily work commutes — we haven’t checked out of life — it’s just our version of ‘regular’.

And that doesn’t mean we don’t have wants and desires. We want to own property again one day. We want to travel internationally. We are saving for retirement. We also want our boys to go to college and even have the opportunity for joint enrollment in the coming years if they choose. We would like to manage some rental properties. We want to own our own business in the future. We want to help other people who have a desire for more family togetherness and travel. We’re involved in the fight against human trafficking. I am working on graduate school so that I can teach at a university when I am old and gray. We might even just write a book (or two). Each of those goals requires a few baby steps that we can see right now, so we are taking those.

Regardless of what the next season of life holds for us, I am so glad that traveling full-time has not caused us to check out of life. I hope our children reap the benefits of our choices — and that it activates their own hopes and dreams.

5 Myths (maybe) About You

Myth 1: You have to wait until your kids are out of the house to do what makes you come alive

We have heard it over and over again from older couples who waited to start traveling until after their kids were grown. They say, “I wish we had done this at your age.” While it is not for everyone by any means, you may think you could never do this until your kids are grown and gone. Maybe this article will cause you to rethink that, to spark a desire within that you can then can act upon. Chances are your kids might enjoy experiencing it with you, instead.

Myth 2: You have to wait until you retire to travel extensively

While it is definitely true that not all professions are amenable to full-time remote employment, it may be a possibility for more professions than you think, especially in this digital age of interconnectivity. When we were in our planning phase, we thought we would have to leave our professions completely and work in campgrounds instead. We tried that for little over a year and after finding ourselves in a dicey work-camping situation, I started to approach this differently. After researching and applying for remotely-located jobs, I found myself blessed with a wonderful opportunity with my former employer. You truly never know what is possible until you ask.

Myth 3: You have to be wealthy to travel full-time

Traveling can certainly be expensive, but we have found that the cost of full-time travel pales in comparison to what we were spending in our suburban life. We have one vehicle, one tiny home that rolls, and we tend not to waste money at Target any longer because we simply can only fit a certain amount of ‘stuff’ into our house. It is truly amazing what can happen in your budget when you make more room for vision and less room for things.

Myth 4: You could never homeschool

It is the response I get most often whenever I share something about homeschooling outside of the homeschooling community — “I could never do that. My kid is just completely different from me” or “We would fight all day” or “I am not smart enough to teach my kids.” And my response is always the same to each and every person: I have been homeschooling for 10 years now, and I have never learned so much. Thankfully it does not have to be perfect, and thankfully there are so many resources out there making it easier and easier every day. I have met so many different moms and dads who are traveling, and we all have different parenting styles and different homeschooling styles. I truly believe that if you are meant to do something, there is absolutely a way!

Myth 5: You have to be a crunchy nature-lover to travel full-time in a camper

While it is probably true that a love for nature and a desire to see a few outdoor wonders probably inspires a lot of full-time travelers, we do not all have a degree in outdoor studies or a vision of living off the grid. In fact, my family and I were such inexperienced hikers when we started traveling full-time that we all wore flip flops on our first hike. I wore jeans on our second outing that were so tight I had to take them off half-way up the mountain and hike the rest of the way in a dress shirt. Thankfully it was the off-season and there were no other hikers on the trail. And thankfully, five years later, I now know what not to wear while hiking. I’ve come a long way.

The moral of this story is that you definitely will not have it all figured out when you go after your dreams — whatever they may be. But keep going. As with just about anything in life, one step followed by another creates momentum. So, go ahead and move towards your dreams. It may not be full-time travel, or maybe it is, but however you choose to live in order to become the best version of yourself, trust that you can do it.

Hopefully by debunking a few myths, you have reconnected with a vision within you that is crying out to be activated. Get out of your own way and remember:  There’s a big ol’ world out there awaiting you no matter how you get there.

Just go.

—

 Editor’s Note: At the time of publication, the Orr family celebrated what they call, their 5^th ‘Nomadiversary’. Elijah is now 13, Malachi is 10. They were 8 and 5 when the adventure began. We at Best Self Magazine would like to wish them continued happy trails – and thank them for sharing their journey with us.

You may also enjoy reading #VanLife: Facing Off With Depression & Discovering Freedom On The Road by Carol Fisher

The post Togetherness Redefined: A Family’s Story of Life on The Road appeared first on BEST SELF.

Insecurity

By Ruby Esposito

Bodies are a beautiful natural disaster.

A thunderstorm leaving lightning bolt stretch markson the softness of a young girl’s skin.

The electricity ran through her veins.

And she danced through the storm clouds.

Until she was taught that wasn’t what beauty was.

—

Crossroads

By Carter Miles

The word is a fallacy

The world is your imagining

If you could stop defining

You’d be able to see all that’s happening

You’d start to see the world magically

You’d see the truth they stole from you tragically

You’d see that’s what’s good is what they told us is bad for me

You’d see it’s okay for others to be mad at me

It saddens me as I look around and see so much pain

It hurts especially when I look inside and find the same

But there are solutions to this pickle we’re in, not all is in vain

You might lose a little but we’ve got so much to gain

I’m tapping into my mind cuz I know it holds

the remedy for the pains

You may also enjoy reading Being Human: The Poetry of Life by Mark Nepo

The post 2 Poems appeared first on BEST SELF.

Exploring the generational perspectives of youth and adults on collaborating for social change

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I grew up outside of Berkeley in the 1960s, the golden age of Make Love, Not War social activism. Today we are experiencing another pivotal period of citizen engagement, often led by activists too young to vote. Anyone paying attention to local and national news will see people of all ages at rallies, walkouts, and town halls calling for common sense gun reform, among other issues. As the recent March for Our Lives gatherings across the country clearly illustrated, the fight for safe schools is both personal and close to home.

When I see or read about youth taking their protests to the streets (or the cover of national magazines), I feel a bit of nostalgia mixed with my optimism. Young people are once again on the front lines when it comes to social activism — but as any old hippie will tell you, it takes a village to create lasting change — a village of young and old working together to make the world a better place.

But what really happens when generations cross a picket line together? To explore that idea, I asked some adults and youth (ages 14-18) who have worked together as activists to answer the same five questions from their generational perspective. Here are their thoughts:

1) What is the best part about working with adults/youth in your quest to create change?

Mia Barbuto (youth):
 
The best part about working with adults is that they know that their time is up. They can stand by our sides and support us and agree with us and help us figure things out, but they know it is our generation’s time to create that change. They know that they have to step back and allow us to figure out problems ourselves because that’s the only way we will succeed. Not only do they allow us to figure out these problems, but they also share with us stories from when they were children trying to create change, and they subtly educate us without even knowing. They’re that wise voice in the background that subconsciously flows through our minds whenever we have to make a difficult decision. 

Fiona Beer (youth):

The best part for me is when they listen to us. Throughout my life, my growing adolescent brain has been filled with: “Your opinions don’t matter because you are a child.” Being able to work with such open-minded adults allows us to be heard by a whole new generation, which promotes new ideas that eventually will lead to change. 

Ruby Esposito (youth):

Fusing the two generations together to enact change opens up more opportunities for an even greater outreach to people. In my experience, working with adults has helped create a more powerful impact. I believe seeing everyone’s perspectives and utilizing multiple points of views makes for an even greater message, despite your age. I think this quote says it all: In unity there is strength.

Salma Ibrahim (youth):
The best part is educating them on how a lot of these social justice issues affect today’s youth. My friends and I were able to talk to our principal about how the dress code gives lots of girls low self-esteem because we feel it is a form of slut-shaming. She actually listened to us and by next school year the dress code was changed! 

Stacie Fenn Smith (adult):

Their pure excitement and passion for the cause! They’re hopeful and you don’t want them to ever lose that. At the March For Our Lives, in order to truly feel empowered, we had to step back and let the kids take the lead. We helped to get the logistics laid out so the students could carry the message. 

Lisa Hackett (adult):

Seeing their energy, passion and dedication. As a teacher, it’s always gratifying to watch kids mature into young adults. These student activists are such responsible citizens with an educated, thoughtful approach to their advocacy. From their creative posters to their documentary film vision, to curating a community art exhibit, their ideas are inspiring and exciting. 

Kim Snyder (adult):

The best part for me is that it is reawakening my best adolescent self with all the piss, vigor, risk taking, unjaded hope, and unbridled energy that inspires and makes stuff happen. They are also a reminder of a more open time that allows shared goals to cut through a wide diversity of experiences and is more conducive to coalition building. And they fight hard. They do not relent.

2) What is the most frustrating part about working with adults/youth?

Mia:
 
The most frustrating part about working with adults is that we’ve got them for a really long amount of time and then suddenly they’re gone. It happens in activism as it happens in life — you spend your whole life at home going to school while your parents take care of you and teach you lessons, then suddenly, just like that, they’re gone and you’re all alone, with no direction. In activism, you learn and learn and become your own leader and then suddenly you’re no longer the student leader, you’re the actual adult. You know it’s going to happen, but you never really see it coming.

Fiona:

Sometimes (not very often) adults receive all the credit for the hard work that the youth have done. It is not frequent that this happens, but it occurs enough that I notice it.

Ruby:

When it comes to issues such as school shootings and mental health among youth, it can be hard for adults to foster empathy because what they experienced as teens is very different from what the youth today are experiencing. It’s simply the difference between sympathy and empathy. I try to look past it as best I can because I know that typically their intentions are good; it all just comes down to communication.

Salma:

The most frustrating part is the fact that a lot of them still have some ‘backwards’ views. I always try my best to educate them, but a lot of the adults in my school administration and in my personal life still have a hard time with some of beliefs that the feminist and the LGBTQ+ communities are putting out in the world.

Stacie:

The fact that we have to march or even be advocates is the most frustrating part. Kids should be able to feel safe at school bottom line.

Lisa:

Fundraising is a bit of a slog. The other challenge has been in finding meeting times that works for the bulk of the students. These kids are involved in so many awesome things, but the drop off after the March has made it difficult for the few to carry out their plans and visions.

3) What can the adults/youth you work with do to be more helpful + effective?

Mia:
 
After the Parkland shooting, a bunch of students in my town automatically came together to talk about how we can unite the country without seeming like a threat to people who had prejudgments about the issues. It was amazing! A bunch of us got on a bus to go to the March in D.C. and we spent the day fighting for gun control and mental health awareness, but afterwards that spark after a terrible tragedy strikes, sort of went out. 5-10 people started showing up to meetings and that dwindled down to 1-3 people. After the Santa Fe High School shooting I thought they’d be outraged again and start coming back to meetings, but that never happened. I think the adults need to step in and be just as determined as that one student who is still trying to get at least 10 people to a meeting.

Fiona:

The adults that I have worked with have been absolutely wonderful, but they could do a better job promoting these movements and demands for change to the adult community because adults are more likely to listen to other adults.

Ruby:

I think it’s wrong that kids are not shown the same respect as adults purely because of the “you’re just a kid, what do you know?” mindset. Especially when tackling such huge issues as youth activists are nowadays, it seems implausible such young kids can make any change at all. However, that’s just not the case. The youth are more capable than ever, but without that respect from adults, division is inevitable. Respect is key.

Salma:

I feel the adults I work with could listen to what I have to say more and really consider the ideas that I have.

Stacie:

Keep on keeping on. Stay the course. Be organized, be persistent, and stay positive.  Look to each other for help and support. There is power in numbers.

Lisa:

More leaders need to step up, as high school seniors who have been involved with marches/protests, letter/postcard writing, and registering voters get ready to go off to college. Those that can need to take the steps to educate themselves about candidates and get out the vote.

4) What do you wish adults/youth better understand about you + your activism?

Mia:
 
Adults need to hear us because the times are changing, the arguments are changing, and the definitions are changing. There is so much miscommunication today with our phones and social media. We need to start speaking face to face in order to get the truth, understand the truth, and relay the truth. Adults, we want your wisdom of experience, we want it so bad, but we also want you to hear what we have to say.

Also, I want you to understand that my activism is not a one-week deal. It’s not a two-month journey. My activism will not stop until I get what I want. I think a lot of adults think that I’m (we’re) tired, but there is so much injustice in this world that there’s no time to be tired. So I ask that the adults carry on with us because they once (and probably still do) have the passion I currently have rushing through my veins.

Fiona:

I wish adults could understand how greatly these issues affect my generation. They did not grow up going to school in fear of being shot in the head when you turn a corner or the fear of coming home to find out your younger sibling has been killed in a mass shooting. These are real, valid fears and I think they should be taken very seriously if there is going to be any sort of change.

Ruby:

We are all working toward the same end goal — and we deserve to be shown the same amount of respect as any adult.

Salma:

I wish adults better understood that social activism isn’t a trend and that a lot of these issues deeply affect me. I feel that some of adults don’t take me seriously because of my age.

Stacie:

In the classes I teach, we have talked at length about gun violence in schools. A hard concept for students to get is that feeling unsafe at school is completely new. It’s not normal, although it has become a norm for this generation. I never felt unsafe at school. We didn’t have a locked door, or lock downs, or a single point of entry. We just went to school. This is a hard concept for students to grasp because they’ve always had fear connected with school.

Lisa:

I think the rising number of teenage activists is a key factor in fueling their fire, although adults sharing their activism stories can help create historical context. They can also provide education and empathy for issues facing a broader range of ages/races/religions/nationalities.

5) What unexpected thing have you learned about yourself + the world since becoming an activist?

Mia:
 
I’ve learned that inclusion is very important. Things people can relate to and are comfortable with are things they will listen to. If I go up to a conservative and shove in their face that guns are bad they aren’t going to listen to me, just like if a conservative came up to me and told me we need to arm teachers, I’m not going to listen. Seeing both sides is extremely important before you start shoving it in others’ faces what you think you know.

Fiona:

I have learned how to effectively get my point across, not to insult, shout, or get overly outraged at the opposing parties. To create real change and to start a conversation, we have to learn to listen to each other and compromise. I have also learned that the world can be a very cruel and hateful place. Not everyone is as open-minded and accepting as the people I have surrounded myself with growing up.

Ruby:

I remember looking around during the Austin student walkout in April and being overfilled with joy seeing the commitment and passion radiating from everyone around me. Despite everything going on in the world, this generation is bouncing back and channeling all the negativity into something positive and powerful. I’ve truly been shown that despite age, race, orientation, I am just as capable as anyone else to make — and be — the change in the world — not ‘some day’, but now.

Salma:

An unexpected thing that I have learned about myself is that I am very outspoken and brave enough to do whatever it takes to achieve equality and social justice. I used to think that nobody would listen to me. But I proved myself wrong. People actually did listen to me so I kept speaking up, ignoring hateful things people were saying about me. Something I learned about the world is that it is a very screwed up place right now, but if we all unite together we can achieve social justice and equality.

Stacie:

I feel more like a support person for the cause than an activist. Working with youth inspired me to be more committed to the cause. I also see it now from their perspective. It’s absolutely critical that something change and I believe wholeheartedly this generation will do it.

Lisa:

I’ve always voted. I’ve lobbied on Capitol Hill and contacted my legislators (although not nearly as much as I do now!). But these times are like no other in my lifetime. For the first time, I’m losing my Pollyanna feeling. There is a constant doubt that tries to sneak in and shake my core belief that humanity will triumph over evil. I find hope in the energy of the next generation, but feel disappointed that maybe their fight won’t be any easier or safer than ours. What has been most unexpected is getting to my age and finding us in what seems like the biggest challenge of our time: to preserve the values of our country.

You may also enjoy reading The C4 Way: Empowering Youth To Be Their Best Selves by Joy McManigal

The post Social Activism Today: What Happens When Youth and Adults Work Together To Create Change appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes

There actually is a formula for living a good life — and empowering youth with a recipe that combines character, choice connection and contribution.

—

Young people today are standing up and demanding to be heard as they fight the good fight. By channeling their anger and hopes in proactive and powerful ways, they are showing us how to celebrate and embrace our differences by reminding us how much we have in common — and how much is at stake. We have so much to teach each other, and so much to learn.

I love the energy and optimism of young people. I believe in their potential to create lasting and meaningful change, in their own lives as well as in the world at large. As a parent, teacher, coach, advisor and friend, I have devoted much of my life to empowering and equipping youth, our future global citizens. If not them, who?

After 20+ years as a mother to four daughters on four different life paths, I have come to realize that raising children with a sense of purpose and direction is a lifelong journey. One of my daughters recently told me she considers me ‘a painstakingly good-intentioned optimist’. Hints of cynicism aside, I embrace my glass-half-full worldview. I want my kids to thrive; I want your kids (or future kids) to thrive.

As a parent and as an editor, I see my role as a channel — a conduit for insights, information, and inspiration. Although the articles featured in this section will focus on youth, they are designed to benefit anyone of any age who wants to explore the best ways to be the best YOU (aka: your Best Self).

I hope you agree.

—

The C4 Way

Empowering Youth To Be Their Best (Courageous, Compassionate, Curious, Clear) Selves

All photographs courtesy of World Merit, a C4 Way partner

Dear Hope For The Future,

I have a very clear mission: to help you live a good life as a good person. Given the ambitious scope of this goal, I created a 4-step plan to provide a clear path on your good life journey. I call this roadmap The C4 Way.

The C4 Way Plan:

• Step 1 — CHARACTER: Good Life Values
• Step 2 — CHOICES: Good Life Mission
• Step 3 — CONNECTIONS: Good Life Goals
• Step 4 — CONTRIBUTIONS: Good Life Actions

Step One asks you to ponder: Who am I now and who do I want to become? How you answer that soul-searching question is a reflection of your CHARACTER — the collection of mental and moral qualities that shape who you are. Good character connects good actions with good VALUES — the fundamental beliefs and principles that guide your moral compass.

The C4 Way focuses on cultivating 4 core values:

• COURAGE — Be brave + gritty
• COMPASSION — Be kind + forgiving
• CURIOSITY — Be interested + engaged
• CLARITY — Be pithy + honest

The rest of this article will explore these core values.

Courage

I love The Wizard of Oz. Although Dorothy is my go-to gal, I have always had a soft spot for the Cowardly Lion and his dopey swagger and false bravado. While his traveling companions’ wishes were clear-cut — a brain and heart and home — his wish was much more nebulous: COURAGE — what it takes to confront your fears. 

Life is filled with things that make us afraid or insecure — nasty and intrusive things that tend to smother our good intentions like sludge. It might be something lofty like a fear of failure (or success), or something mundane like a fear of public speaking or snakes (my personal bugaboo). Chances are that fear is wrapped around every obstacle that stands between you and your goals. What evokes your fear is not the important issue; what you do with it is.

What I learned from the Lion’s journey to Oz is that being courageous means being brave enough to be vulnerable. It means taking risks and standing up for what you believe, even if you might be perceived as wrong or different — or attacked by flying monkeys.

This vulnerability can take the form of supporting an underdog candidate, rocking a crazy hairstyle, or backing an unpopular idea. People might not agree with you, but they are likely to respect the courage it took for you to speak up or act in support of your convictions. It takes courage to not allow excuses to latch on and keep you invested in behaviors or thoughts that no longer serve you well.

Let’s say you always wanted to play the piano, but never pursued it because you believed you would never be good enough to justify the time and expense to take lessons. Instead of yielding to your fear of failure, tap into your inner well of courage and find a piano teacher that inspires you to practice and become the pianist you always wanted to be. You might never end up playing at Carnegie Hall, but at least you won’t have to live with a sense of regret born from paralyzing fear.

Courage also means having the confidence to pursue a dream — even when logically it makes no sense.

This was my situation when I decided at 23 to buy a pub in Ireland. I had several strikes against me aside from being in a foreign country: (1) I come from a family of teetotalers (until my generation at least); (2) I had never bought property or run a business; and (3) I didn’t have any money.

Most people would have seen this as three-strikes-you’re-out situation, but I was determined to find a way around these obstacles. As crazy as the idea seemed (to everyone), it also felt right (to me). So I made a choice not to listen to the practical and protective advice of the naysayers. Instead, I trusted my intuition and guess what happened? I bought a pub in Ireland.

This story illustrates another one of my favorite non-C virtues: GRIT — that great combo package of courage and perseverance. Are you willing to stick to something — a task, project, goal, a dream no matter how lofty — despite resistance or obstacles in your way? That’s grit.

Ask any successful athlete/musician/inventor how they got where they are and they will likely tell you about the countless hours they spent practicing. When their friends were hanging out or binge watching on Netflix, they were at the court/field/studio/lab doing whatever they could to succeed, over and over again.

Grit reminds us that as much as innate talent and aptitude matters, effort and dedication matters more.

Ask any successful coach whom she would rather have on her team: an athlete that is wildly skilled but lazy — or one that is less skilled but whole-heartedly committed to getting better for the sake of her team. No brainer. As anyone who has seen the film RUDY will tell you, hard work and a positive attitude will ultimately be rewarded. Yes, talent matters, but demonstrated courage matters more in the long run.

The same goes for college admissions and employers as well. Schools are looking for more than just perfect grades and test scores; they want to see examples of gritty effort. Why? Because when school (or a job or just life) gets stressful (which it will), they want to know that a prospective student won’t crumble under pressure. They want to know that students can handle adversity and disappointments without giving up and blaming others for their failures. They want students that will keep on keeping on. They want to see courage in action. Calling all innovators, dreamers, out-of-the-box thinkers and visionaries.

Compassion

We all can agree that courage rocks, but so does COMPASSION — the fuel that propels your desire to help people.

Compassion has been described as having a kind mind. I like to think of it as looking at the world with soft eyes and a gentle soul. It manifests as concern for the well being of others, their trials and tribulations, their ups and downs. It means treating people (and that means you, too) with kindness and consideration. Genuine compassion stems from respect — respect for the opinions and circumstances of someone else, whether or not you agree with them. It is this kind of sympathetic understanding that can transform combative situations into collaborative opportunities. Compassion creates conversation.

A simple way to learn how to be more compassionate is to practice walking in someone else’s shoes to see things from their perspective.

You don’t have to actually feel what someone is feeling (that is empathy), but if you want to understand why they do what they do, try to be sensitive to where they are coming from and what they are going through.

I learned to do this in the 6^th grade. My school held an election that recreated the nominating and primary process of the recent presidential campaign. Long story short, I was the Republican candidate (Nixon) and I won (no comment). Unfortunately, my victory celebration was cut short by an assassination attempt. Really.

By way of backstory, my elementary school was for kids with high IQs.

One of the most valuable things I learned at this school is that being good on tests doesn’t mean you are good at life.

This was particularly true for Chris, the kid in our class who spent most of his time recreating Hitler’s blitzkrieg invasion of Europe. Glaring red flags aside, it seems that Chris was not a fan of Nixon; by extension, that meant I had to go.

So at high noon the day after the election, while we were both standing in line for the pencil sharpener, Chris tried to stab me in the neck. Fortunately, he was short and I was tall. The height differential, coupled with some quick reflexes, resulted in my hand absorbing the lead intended for my head. I was fine; he was hauled away. Crisis averted.

I never saw Chris again after his failed mission. I am reminded of our encounter, however, every time I notice the small remnant of lead that remains in my right palm. To me, this little piece of pencil symbolizes the healing power of letting go. In this case, that meant letting go of any feelings of anger or resentment about being on the receiving end of some twisted behavior.

To this day, I couldn’t tell you why Chris actually did what he did. I never learned what happened to him in his early childhood that created his inner demons, and I never retraced his footsteps while walking in his shoes. I did realize something important, however: None of those things were really about me; I just happened to be the wrong candidate at the wrong time in the wrong place.

My biggest takeaway from this unfortunate foray in presidential politics (besides never to emulate Nixon) involves FORGIVENESS — compassion in action with a twist of mercy. I forgave Chris for what he did. I couldn’t tell you if this helped him, but I can assure you it definitely helped me.

Life Lesson: Forgive yourself and others — for whatever. Just let it go.

Why? Because it feels good to release what no longer serves you. It feels lighter and cleaner. It makes space for new thoughts and feelings. Fresh starts for all. To forgive does not mean to forget. Stuff happens for a reason, so try to learn from the past. That way the bad stuff has served a higher purpose and the good stuff has given you some wonderful reasons to be in gratitude.

Curiosity

What is it that drives you to explore a new idea or concept? What is it that compels you to look something up on Google or in a book, or ponder travelling to a place you’ve never been?

That thing is CURIOSITY — the desire to learn and explore all you can, all the time.

Curiosity is the calmer, gentler version of passion. Both involve a spark of desire to discover more about yourself and your world. Unlike passion, which can be all consuming, curiosity is a form of engagement that can easily be broken into bite-size pieces to savor over time. To be clear, however, curiosity is not the same as prying.

To find your passion, start by following what piques your curiosity. What do you find intriguing or interesting enough to learn more about?

What makes you perk up your ears and pay close attention in a conversation? This is what curiosity looks like. Pay attention because these are the signs that will guide you on your path of awareness and life learning.

Curiosity can manifest in many beneficial ways. It can ward off boredom, like garlic to a vampire. It can nudge you to leave your comfort zone to connect to new people and ideas. It is also the cornerstone of a good conversation; without it, no new information gets in and no fresh air passes through the give and take of dialogue. It can start with something as simple as showing an interest and a sincere desire to explore what someone cares about. You hear someone mention their cat; ask them about their cat. You see someone wearing a concert t-shirt; ask them about the concert. It’s not rocket science, just curiosity in action.

As a kid, I loved to read mysteries. Encyclopedia Brown, Sherlock Holmes, Hercules Poirot, Miss Marple — they were all my trusted companions. But my literary BFF was Nancy Drew. I spent so much time in Nancy’s world that it felt like Bess and George were my best friends, Mrs. Gruen was my housekeeper, Ned Nickerson was my boyfriend, and a zippy Roadster was my car of choice.

As much as I admired Nancy’s home life and circle of friends, what I was really drawn to was her curiosity. Despite her young age, she already knew so much about so many things — and she was always eager to learn more. She was observant. She was tenacious. She was undaunted. Curiosity may have killed a cat, but it was the fuel that propelled Nancy into situations that more practical (or fearful) teenagers would have avoided. It’s no wonder that Nancy Drew is still a favorite of feminists of all ages.

Want to cultivate curiosity in your own life? Be a detective like my beloved Nancy. Start with a kernel of an interest and see where your discovery takes you. It doesn’t matter if your interest is fleeting or prolonged, obscure or trending with the masses. It can be a shared interest that helps you forge a bond with someone, or it can be a personal interest that you want to keep private. The important point is to find something that inspires you to think and explore.

The Internet is your friend when it comes to cultivating your curiosity. Unlike when I was a kid and had to pore through encyclopedias or card catalogs at the local library, today you can type a few words into your Internet browser and a whole new world awaits. Armchair exploration for all!

Want to spark your curiosity? Embrace your creativity and utilize your imagination.

Stare at a blank piece of paper until you get the urge to write down or draw what comes to you. Or pick up that book that you’ve been meaning to read and actually read it. Look up words you don’t understand. Wrestle with concepts that are challenging or difficult to embrace. No pressure to find the ‘right’ answer or solution. Just allow your mind to wander while you are tapping into your wonder lust.

Curiosity is your golden ticket to a good life. Without it, your brain can’t think expansively and your soul can’t breathe deeply. Without it you miss out on meeting interesting people and exploring unusual opportunities. Treasure it. Use it.

Clarity

The 4^th and final core value might seem like an unlikely choice, but it’s essential. It encourages you to ask for what you want and reminds you that people are not mind readers; they are not going to know what you want (or don’t want) if you don’t tell them. What is this value that I find so important?

It’s CLARITY — a clear and direct way to communicate with your self and others.

The words you send out into the world are your Best Self ambassadors.

They represent you and set the tone for your interactions in the world. One way to think of this virtue is to imagine that you are painting a picture with your words. My suggestion: opt for creating a still life or a portrait, not an abstract!

Clarity and brevity are the unsung heroes of good communication. When in doubt, opt for less not more. Get to the point. Cut out the fluff and filler and focus on what you are really trying to say. Don’t make people guess at what you are trying to communicate. Instead, say what you mean in the simplest, most direct way possible. This applies to verbal and written conversations. If someone wants more details they can ask for them. Otherwise, assume people have short attention spans and busy schedules, so use their time (and your words) wisely.

To be clear, I am not advocating brutal honesty. When someone feels threatened or disrespected, they aren’t going to hear what you meant to say. Instead, they are likely going to shut down and tune you out once they hear words that seem harsh or unkind. So speak truth to power — but speak with kindness and diplomacy so that your words will actually be heard and create impact.

A side benefit of clarity is that it inspires honesty — with yourself and others.

Being honest means honoring your truth, whatever that may be. And as Mark Twain knew so well, telling the truth is easier in the long run because you don’t have to remember what you said.

Clarity also encourages integrity, in particular integrity with your words. Be clear and accountable so that you say only what you actually intend to do. For example, don’t say ‘yes, we should do lunch’ if you really have no intention of having lunch with that person. Better to be clear now rather than have to cover your tracks later.

Developing a reputation as an honest and trustworthy person is priceless. Which brings me to a cardinal rule: Avoid the temptation to tell white lies. These seemingly harmless little fibs are the gateway drug to a full-blown addiction to dishonesty. You might think a little falsehood won’t matter, but eventually the truth will come out. It always does.

“Of course I love raw quail egg sushi!” This was a white lie that I once told in order to impress my sophisticated foodie friend. The fact that I had never tried sushi, let alone a raw quail egg, didn’t stop me from lying in order to appear worldly and adventurous. Actually slurping that raw egg is a memory that still makes me squeamish, as much for the slimy sensation as for the memory of succumbing to a silly and unnecessary lie.

Check yourself and your words. Trust yourself to speak your truth in a clear and concise manner, even if your truth is unpopular or challenging. And remember that it’s ok to say, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.” If you can add…”but I’m willing to try,” all the better.

Your character does not need to be defined by your past. You can change it. You can mold it. You can determine how it manifests in the world.

It’s a big deal and it’s something that you can totally control. So if you want to be regarded — by yourself and others — as someone with good character, embrace values that help you attract and generate good. It really is that simple.

My hope for you is that the next time you ask, “Who am I?” your answer will be: “I am someone who chooses courage over fear, compassion over judgment, curiosity over apathy, and clarity over confusion.” In other words, you are someone on the path to becoming your best self…

You may also enjoy reading Kids For Peace: How a Youth Grassroots Movement Is Shifting Global Consciousness by Joy McManigal

The post The C4 Way: Empowering Youth To Be Their Best Selves appeared first on BEST SELF.

This delightful children’s book reminds us of the messaging beyond the yoga moves, to live peacefully within our bodies, with each other and in our world

Illustrations by Sarah Jane Hinder

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When I work with children in my yoga classes, the focus for each student is on listening to his or her body. Whether they are noticing the way a big breath fills the belly, or rooting their standing foot into the earth to balance like a tree, they learn to focus intensely on what and how they are feeling.

That is the gift of yoga. We have this dynamic, playful practice that requires us to be aware of what is happening here and now. This is true regardless of age. A six year-old, sixteen year-old, or sixty year-old can show you which movements create strain in her body and shift to what feels ‘just right’. She only has to pause, and pay attention.

Partner Yoga for children (and adults) offers another level for fine-tuning our ability to listen. In partner yoga poses, the emphasis shifts from inner listening to also being able to understand and respond to another person. Partner Yoga offers real time feedback: If you don’t balance your weight with your partner, or if one of you pulls too hard, both of you will fall. You have to work together to create the pose, and this is where the magic happens.

We are constantly asking children to ‘cooperate’ whether in their classrooms, with siblings or with friends. What we are asking in those moments is that they include another person’s experience and perspective into what is happening. We are asking them to be willing to put the relationship and what they are creating together (even if it just means sharing the paint) over their immediate wants.

These shared experiences also help to build trust and confidence as both partners find a way to literally support one another to do something they could not do on their own. Plus, the poses require a certain amount of ‘figuring things out’ in a way that has structure, but also a lot of fun. In partner yoga poses, kids find a way to tangibly work toward a common goal that is both clear and immediate. Right there in the moment they are developing problem-solving skills that include learning how to listen, communicate what they need, and find effective ways to work with another person — the skills that are going to be important for the rest of their lives.

Mariam Gate’s new book, Yoga Friends: A Pose-by-Pose Partner Adventure For Kids (Sounds True, April 2018), is co-authored with her husband Rolf Gates and illustrated by Sarah Jane Hinder.

You may also enjoy reading ALPHABREATHS: The ABC’s of Mindful Breathing For Kids by Christopher Willard

The post Messages Beyond Movement: Partner Yoga For Kids appeared first on BEST SELF.

A little heroine empowers girls to be both fierce and feeling

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My goal for I Am a Warrior Goddess (Sounds True, on sale February 6, 2018) is to empower young girls to see their divine potential and innate power. By following our little heroine throughout her day, the book teaches children important principles. Children will see self-care modeled — taking care of their bodies, filling their minds with good books, and even getting a good night’s rest. And they will see how to love and care for and connect with the Earth. Our little warrior goddess says good morning to the sun and runs with the wind; in one of my favorite illustrations she kisses a flower goodnight.

At the heart of this book is a message of kindness — that kindness is powerful. Now more than ever, we need to teach our girls that they are strong. And we need to teach our children to care for each other, to stand up for those who are weak or in need, and to do that coming from a place of strength and love. I Am a Warrior Goddess combines big aspirations (such as “I am a defender of the weak”) with small, daily actions (such as rescuing a kitten from a tree) to show how each of us can make the world better, one small act of kindness at a time.

Watch the book trailer:

You may also enjoy reading ALPHABREATHS: The ABC’s of Mindful Breathing For Kids by Christopher Willard

The post I Am a Warrior Goddess: Empowering Girls to Be Both Fierce and Feeling appeared first on BEST SELF.

Positive affirmations of love and worthiness fuel our mind, body and spirit to tackle life’s challenges

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“I AM,” paired together, are two of the most powerful words a sentence can begin with. By using them we are sending out a signal to the universe of what is in the present moment. I believe we really need to be conscious of how we use them: enhance our human experience or diminish it. Positive affirmations have had a huge impact on my life, and continue to do so.

My passion to empower children and parents to use this simple tool stems from my personal experiences as a child.

At some point in their lives, all humans on this planet experience a sense of loss and suffering. Like so many others, I witnessed a stormy marriage of my parents, which was followed by divorce when I was six years old. To be present in your mother’s sadness is never easy no matter how old you are. At twelve years old, when my father was just thirty-nine years old, his life was tragically taken at the hands of another. Add that trauma to the emotional volatility of teenage growing pains — it was easy to see how I would go on to give my power to fear and anxiety for most of my life. Fear was actually a physical feeling for me. Conversely, I truly know the power positive affirmations hold, because of how they help me in my life.

I am so grateful to my mother for being mindful in how she guided me to deal with ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’ at a young age through mindfulness. ‘Anxiety’ and ‘depression’, two words that are also thrown around unconsciously by todays society. How can anyone not feel some sort of sadness or anxiety with all that is going on this world. Having been taught to not hold in my emotions and feelings was a true gift my mother gave me. Of course at times I have, and still do hold them in old habits die hard. But suppressing emotions does us no good. It is heavy on the soul. We need to allow ourselves to feel all of the feelings that come up for us, including the not so good ones. Recognize them, honour them and then release them. Replace them with ones that serve us better and keep us on that high-flying disc as Esther Hicks / Abraham would say.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom”

Oprah

Becoming a mother sparked a whole new level of vibration in my soul. My daughter makes me want to do better and be better every single day. She has taught me what it really means to be present in the moment. To show up fully for myself and for those around me. I just look at her and peace, love, gratitude, compassion and bliss runs through my veins.

There is a quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer that I love. 

“You can not always control what goes on outside. But you can control what goes on inside”

This does not mean that all of our thoughts are positive. It is believed that we have about fifty to sixty thousand thoughts a day. But with daily practice we can learn to take control of how we feel on the inside. As adults we can remove ourselves from situations that we feel drain us or reflect on us in a negative way. Children do not always have that option. By engaging in a positive affirmation practice it will encourage them to cultivate the confidence to know they have the power to choose their thoughts and help them rise above challenges that they are presented with.

When I envisioned The Affirmation Station, a book of affirmations and a journal for families, I knew I wanted the cover to look like a gas station. Just as we need to fill our tanks, we need to fill our body, mind and spirit with premium high-octane, kind, loving and compassionate thoughts and words that we can. By modeling this for our children, we also encourage them to live from a place of love, compassion, kindness and gratitude.

Life is a series of challenges, up and downs — often a series of acts of forgiveness towards others and ourselves. We are meant to grow through life not to just go through it. We are here to learn. To teach. To evolve. To serve. Challenges are opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. So many of us spend time searching for happiness outside of ourselves when all along the answer is within. It is a conscious choice we make moment to moment.

I AM HAPPY — Each morning when I wake. Happiness is a choice I make.

Every morning when my eyes open, the first thing I say is, Thank You God for another day. Every night when I go to bed I say, Thank you, to my daughter. Our children truly are our greatest teachers. There is magic in practicing gratitude. It causes a major shift. Feelings of lack, turn into feelings of abundance. There truly is always something to be grateful for. It allows us to see all the blessings that surround us. To see all the beauty in life’s simple pleasures. I feel an instant change in my mood and vibration when I express gratitude. That is why it was so important for me to include a journal in The Affirmation Station. A place where one can create their own affirmations and express gratitude. Journaling is something I have done since I was a young girl. I have many books filled with “Dear Diary” followed by all kinds of thoughts and emotions from happy joyous ones, to really sad ones. My intention with the journal portion in The Affirmation Station is to focus on the positive.

I deeply value raising a child who looks at life through loving lenses. Not just towards herself, but towards others. I believe it is our responsibility to encourage and remind them to recognize their divinity and instill confidence so they know to love who they are at their purest essence. My intention is that they will develop the skill to love themselves wholly and love one another in the most kind, gentle and simplest of ways — one that becomes second nature. It is also to ignite the spark to pursue lives connected to passion, their own unique gifts and embracing how beautiful they truly are — and of course to shine brightly.

Let us go forth with the intention to be gentler on ourselves and one another. Let’s make the kind mind a destination — one that supports our necessary healing and growth — all the while making the ride that much sweeter.

Join me and repeat after me:

I am Love.

I am Light.

I am Worthy.

I am Enough.

I love and accept myself as I AM.

You may also enjoy Interview: Danielle LaPorte | The Desire Map with Kristen Noel

The post Affirmation Station | The Power of Positive Affirmations appeared first on BEST SELF.

Learning from youth activism: 3 case studies to guide us forward

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Who do you consult for guidance or confirmation to determine that you are on the best path? We may often look inside ourselves, up to a higher power, or to an experienced guru. Have you considered actively listening to the generation coming along behind us?

Are we listening?

Young people need to be, want to be, and are already involved in creating solutions to many of our most pressing and complicated challenges. Yet even I, as an advocate and career coach for teens and young adults for over 15 years, sometimes forget to pause and learn from those I am guiding.

Recently, I decided to delve behind the news headlines of several inspiring high school students to learn more about their remarkable personal journeys. The three stories address some of today’s most intense, hot-bed social issues that young people are caught smack in the middle of — natural disasters, racism, and gay rights. The life lessons that evolved out of our conversations demonstrate the sparkling reciprocity that can occur when we take the time to hear what the youth of today are trying to tell us.

Lesson #1: Reach as far as you can (and then a bit further)

April 25, 2015: Nepal experiences the worst natural disaster in its history. Do you know where your high school-aged son is? For the parents of seventeen-year-old Matt Moniz, the answer is on Mt. Everest, struggling through an avalanche.

The majority of cell towers across Nepal were destroyed after the catastrophic earthquake, which claimed over 9,000 lives, including at least 19 who were on Mt. Everest. When the boulders of snow ceased pounding down the mountain, Matt Moniz was still shaking as he glanced at his phone and realized that he had one bar of cell service. He immediately texted his father a message that he hoped would reach him at their home in Colorado.

“Are you there?”

That text would be the only message that Matt could get through for several days after surviving the avalanche and aftershocks that followed. Those three words, when received by his father, were a huge relief in their confirmation that his son was alive.

Matt has been an experienced alpinist and humanitarian since a very young age. In fact, he received recognition as “Adventurer of the Year” by National Geographic around age 13 and has raised funding for a number of causes including the prevention of girl trafficking in the Himalaya. He also maintains a captivating blog about his age-defying climbing accomplishments on treacherous mountains, including setting a speed record for completing all 50 of the United States High Points. Even so, no one could have predicted that his struggles on Mt. Everest this time would trigger such a personal transformation and awaken a calling.

When reunited with his father, Matt was presented with two airplane tickets and a choice. One would take him back to the comforts of his family, friends, and stable ground in Colorado. The other ticket would take him to Kathmandu, where major aftershocks persisted, thousands were injured, and many more survivors were suffering without homes, electricity, food, and medicine. “It was a really challenging decision,” Matt recalls, “I had already been gone for three weeks and had experienced so much…

“I was so stressed out with everything. But ultimately I needed to see this entire thing through. So I gave the ticket home back to my dad.”

Matt returned to areas that the Nepal earthquake left in total destruction. Along with his climbing partner, he assisted the relief efforts of the U.N. World Food Program and the International Organization for Migration. After several intense weeks, Matt traveled home and began rallying his community and others to send donations to nepalrising.org.

In retrospect, one of Matt’s biggest frustrations during the aftermath of the earthquake was that he was limited in how he could help survivors. He had no professional medical skills. As a result, Matt will soon be taking paramedical courses and plans to return to Nepal in the spring to follow up on the relief initiative that he helped found. His entire climbing team has also put their expeditions on hold for the rest of the year. Instead, they are dedicating their resources to raising funds for the survivors that need support and doing what they can to help people remember the needs of Nepal.

Matt went way beyond his comfort zone and continues to push himself.

The Nepalese people have literally lost every single thing they own, every single one of their worldly possessions, and they are still so thankful and grateful. That is what helped me realize that this is way bigger than me.  

~ Matt Moniz

 Lesson #2: Heed the call: believe fiercely in your vision

Only a few days following Nepal’s devastating earthquake, there was a different type of turmoil unfolding across the globe in Baltimore, Maryland. After the arrest and funeral of Freddie Gray, the city was experiencing a catastrophic breakdown of public trust that led to streets brimming with violence. Fortunately, there was another bright light, 17- year-old Darius Craig, bringing inspiration to an overwhelming situation.

The urge to take action started to escalate for Darius when he realized he was only three blocks away from a burning building. As a student leader at Digital Harbor High School, many students were turning to him during the crisis. While the media was filled with images of young black men, reacting to the shooting by throwing rocks, setting fires, looting, and rioting, Darius maintained a different vision.

A powerful idea came to him that would serve as a constructive outlet for many who wanted to get involved but did not know how to proceed.

“I decided, you know what were going to do? We’re going to march!”

He then urged his fellow high school students and peers to use peaceful actions that would show others that young people in Baltimore are “positive citizens.” He contacted several of his friends and told them about his idea for a nonviolent march from their school to city hall. From there, a groundswell of support started to rise from teachers, public workers, and other community members.

All the signs used at the march were made by students. Messages that promoted an Us vs. Them mentality were absent. Instead, they conveyed unity and peace, proclaiming “One Baltimore,” “We Love Baltimore,” and “Voice Not Violence.”

It was one hour before the planned march when Darius took pen to paper as more inspiration kicked in. When it came to deliver the speech, a connection to something greater than himself took over. Darius realized, “It was more than words. This was my vision. This is what I knew we needed to do at this time. This is what I knew about my city. I love Baltimore and I knew that I had to give the speech in the best way possible.”

Hundreds participated in the march that day. Afterwards, it surprised Darius that people were coming up to him requesting copies of his speech. When he looks back, he remembers…

“As I was delivering it, I noticed that more and more people who didn’t even start out with us became part of the crowd. It was so humbling to me that these people, who didn’t know anything about me and had no prior knowledge about the march, stood there and listened.”

“People from all different spectrums came out. Black. White. Christian. Muslim. Gay. Straight. It was such a unifying moment.”

Darius’ dream is to be a public worker and create a nonprofit to help the under-represented urban youth in Baltimore rise above the stereotypes.

I use my leadership and my voice to help others, and I think that, more than anything else, has pushed me. My voice has gotten me this far and I want to use it to help people go further.  

~ Darius Craig

Lesson #3: Be who you are meant to be and allow others to do the same

At about the same time as the Baltimore events last spring, a pair of best friends in Las Vegas, Nevada, also ignited a new conversation between Jacob Lescenski and Anthony Martinez, two high school students whose strong friendship and absolute acceptance of each other was captured on a video that went viral on the Internet. Jacob, who is straight, asked Anthony, who is gay, to be his prom date. The sign Jacob created for his best friend read, “You’re hella gay, I’m hella str8, but you’re like my brother, so be my date?” The manner in which Jacob surprised his best friend, and the authentic hug the two shared, created a media sensation.

Jacob and Anthony unexpectedly found themselves invited to appear on Ellen and highlighted in the Huffington Post, on CNN, and by Teen Vogue. Shout-outs to them from other celebrities were posted on social media and they were also honored at a Human Rights Campaign Gala for “opening hearts and minds around the world.”

With a gleam of enthusiasm in his eyes, Anthony noted that “It’s been a warm welcoming to see all the open minds and how affected so many people are by it. When this thing first blew up we would get tons of messages such as ‘Thank you so much, I just came out to my family,’ ‘My friends are now accepting me for who I am because they saw this promposal’ and ‘You helped me see how easy it is to be a friend to someone in the LGTB community.’” Jacob grins in agreement but also admits:

 Until I hit sophomore year when I met Anthony, I wasn’t for or against gay rights. It wasn’t something I bothered to think about or deal with and I just let people be who they want to be. Then Anthony became my best friend. I learned about the hate he received growing up and the issues he had to go through to get to this point.  

~ Jacob Lescenski

Both teens have been astonished by the support from the public at large. But as Jacob explains about the “promposal” moment…

“We didn’t know people were taking pictures or that it would be that impactful.”

Anthony elaborates further, “It was genuine. We weren’t trying to get popular. I knew Jacob just cared. That hug he gave me — it was a real hug. It wasn’t for a picture. I couldn’t have cared less about that.”

While the widespread attention (and over 2 million YouTube views) has been overwhelming, Jacob and Anthony are determined to stay grounded, true to themselves, and focused on helping others. They are continuing to stay highly involved in leadership opportunities at their school, including the student council, debate team, sports, and other roles where their service focuses on making everyone feel welcome and accepted. They are also dedicating more time to several organizations including aMasongraceproject, Zero Teen Fatalities, and Straight But Not Narrow.

Jacob envisions the possibility of a future where people “accept everyone for who they are.” Anthony is now even more assured that “genuine acts of kindness, whether they are big or small, matter.”

I treasure the life lessons reinforced from sharing time and talking with these four giving, brave, and resilient students. Each reminded me that young people aspire to be included in the current conversations about our society’s best path forward. The voice of youth can help activate others to rise up during an intense time when so many are stuck in fear or other forms of darkness.

All we have to do is be willing to engage and listen.

Are you there?

You may also enjoy reading 4 reasons we need youth as the leaders of today by Steven Culbertson

The post Youth Activism | Are You There? Messages From Our Future appeared first on BEST SELF.