Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Women were sold the idea that fulfillment came in the form of the perfect partner, marriage and children; what happens when the fairy tale doesn’t deliver?

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Once upon a time, women were sold the idea that love and fulfillment came in the form of the perfect partner, marriage, and children. That was the goal. That was the dream. And if we followed the formula, we were promised a happily ever after.

But what happens when the fairy tale doesn’t deliver?

That’s what I had to figure out for myself. Because no prince, no castle, and no magic wand was going to create the life I truly wanted. Real-life happiness isn’t about waiting—it’s about doing. And success? It’s about rewriting the script you were handed and crafting your own version of a happy ending.

living the dream

When I was growing up in a small town in Indiana in the ‘60s and ‘70s, I didn’t think I’d have a career. I assumed, like so many other girls at the time, that my life’s work would be managing a home and raising children. But then real life happened. The castle had a mortgage that Prince Charming couldn’t afford. College for the kids looked like it would only be possible with a mountain of student debt, it looked like they’d have to settle for crooked teeth, without expensive braces. And I had a choice: keep shrinking myself into a not-so-happy homemaker role or step up and figure out how to ride a white horse.

I wanted to give my three kids every opportunity to thrive. That purpose fueled my ambition. It gave me the courage to pivot careers and rebuild a professional life after taking eight years off to raise my children. I didn’t just return to work—I became a vice president of marketing at multiple Fortune 500 companies. I didn’t just settle for one career—I kept evolving. And in my 60’s, I earned a doctorate and launched a second act as a professor.

Rewrite the Script—On Your Terms

We all grow up with a narrative about what life should look like. For many women, it’s still tied to the idea of traditional success: marriage, children, and a neatly packaged, perfectly balanced life. But real life is messier than that. It’s full of twists and turns, reinventions and second acts.

For me, the script changed the moment I stopped asking what I was supposed to do and started asking what is it I truly wanted. I didn’t stay in a career that no longer fulfilled me. I pivoted. I didn’t let a detour (or eight years off raising kids) stall my ambition. I found a way back. And I didn’t let age define what was possible. Instead, I earned my doctorate at a time when many are thinking about retirement.

Here’s the truth: Your story is yours to write. No one else gets to decide your happy ending. And no, it won’t look like anyone else’s. It shouldn’t.

The Boldest Moves Bring the Biggest Rewards

One of the most defining moments in my life started with something as simple as my passion for tennis. In the summer of 1990, my family helped to host a group of young Soviet tennis teams in Indianapolis. At the time, the Cold War had barely thawed, and welcoming Russians into our home felt like an act of diplomacy. What I didn’t realize was that it would change everything.

That experience led to an invitation to Moscow the following year, just as the Soviet Union was collapsing. It was a world on the brink of transformation—chaotic, uncertain, and brimming with opportunity. That trip led me to a consulting role with Anheuser-Busch, and ultimately, to a pivot from finance to marketing that landed me in executive leadership roles across the globe.

It also reshaped my children’s futures. Exposure to different cultures inspired them to study abroad, work internationally, and embrace life beyond the borders of what was familiar. Today, my children’s careers and relationships reflect the global perspective they gained from those earlier bold decisions. 

Success isn’t just about career moves. It’s about saying yes to unexpected opportunities. It’s about trusting that the unknown isn’t a threat—it’s a doorway to something bigger than you imagined.

Every Woman Deserves a Crown—But She Has to Claim It Herself

The title of my book says it all: Forget the Fairy Tale & Find Your Happiness. Because real fulfillment isn’t about waiting to be chosen—it’s about choosing yourself. It’s about defining your own version of success and happiness, not trying to fit into someone else’s mold.

I believe every woman is a princess—not in the way fairy tales have traditionally defined it, but in the way that matters most. We all have our crowns—whether they come in the form of a degree, a thriving business, a passion project, or a life that feels truly ours. And we all have dragons to slay—whether that’s societal expectations, self-doubt, or the belief that we can’t have the life we want.

But in the end, this journey isn’t about finding a prince. It’s about finding ourselves. And that? That’s the greatest happy ending of all.

You may also enjoy reading A Letter To My Younger Self: I Couldn’t Have Gotten Here Without You, by Christiane Northrup, MD.

The post Forget the Fairy Tale & Find Your Happiness: Why Real Success Starts with Rewriting the Script appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

High achieving women often fall into the trap of seeking an ever-elusive balance, but that can be a straight path to burnout and resentment

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Anytime I’m on a panel or speaking or in session with my highly ambitious, successful female coaching clients there comes a point when we talk about balance. On panels and in workshops, I’m always asked, how do you balance everything? What’s the secret to balancing it all?

I so understand the desire of the questioner to know what she’s missing. And when I stop and reflect on that question, underneath is the notion that that’s what success looks like for women. That, balance and doing it all means we’re worthy and that we’ve been able to unlock this mystery that’s pervasive and elusive at the same time.

In my experience, it’s the one consistent question that gets asked all the time of women. And, if you haven’t asked it, you’re wondering and or thought about it off and on. And, you may feel that you’re missing the balance hack, you may even feel ashamed for not being able to balance it all.

When you’re a woman, whether you’re a mom or not, it seems that guilt, shame and exhaustion are the pillars of our life.

Balance somehow became ingrained in our psyche as the way to move through this world. The image of a woman having a thriving career, asking for the big projects, getting that promotion and managing a team with aplomb and then going home to make dinner for her family or partner, and then find time to work out and hydrate and read a book while we’re at it to keep our minds sharp and worldly all the while keeping up our homes and our social lives, too.

I bought into that storyline, too. It got me hook, line and sinker very early on. In my career, I climbed as high as I could with the big corner office, managing a large team, doing the strategic thinking, delegating, growing my employees and being a mentor to others to boot! Then, I’d go home to coach my daughter’s soccer team, while later making dinner for the family and then getting back onto the computer to grind it out and ‘be on’ from 7pm until I fell exhausted into bed at around midnight — completely ignoring my partner.

That’s what my week looked like and, on the weekends, it was just as packed and on the go with my 3 kids who at that time of my life were all under 5. YES! I was on that elusive balance track, grinding my way through the days, dealing with a rough postpartum depression that I didn’t really want to acknowledge and was just glad to somehow be on the other side of. I was definitely burning the candle on both ends really really HOT. Until it combusted. My body told me … well, it yelled at me that it was too exhausted to move and that I needed to stop. I remember a picture that was captured of me, fast asleep — sitting UP mind you, with my 3 littles flanked around me.

Breaking up with the chase for balance and the notion of balancing it all as success has been the best strategy for living a life that feels more aligned and much more authentic to me. Now, when I’m asked that question on panels and in speaking events, I say, we all need to text balance that we’re breaking up and there’s no going back!

So, how do we break this endless cycle?

It starts with giving ourselves permission. Yes. Give yourself permission to get curious about other possibilities and other ways of living that feel more aligned with you. Anything we aim to do differently requires the first step of self-awareness — and a mindset of curiosity is that unlock that helps you understand yourself better.

Ask yourself:

1. What are my values? Identifying your values helps you clearly see what your priorities are and if you’ve been making decisions according to that or not. (And by the way, I have a handout on my website that can help you identify your values.)
2. After you’ve identified your top 1-3 values, then identify what season of life you’re in. Are you early career, which can look different from mid and later career? Are you in a big transition where perhaps your kids are moving out to go to college? Are you out of college and just embarking on a career or are you in your 2nd or 3rd phase of a life transition that allows for more flexibility in ways you didn’t have before?
3. One you’ve identified your values and your season of life, put down all the ‘shoulds’.  What actions and activities are you saying ‘yes’ too from a mindset of “should” versus one that’s in honor of your values and season of life? That could mean you opt out of the happy hour with your friends or networking event.
4. Make decisions and say ‘yes’ to what lines up with your values, priorities and season of life! And start saying ‘no’ more often. This last part will require a lot of compassion for yourself. High achieving women have atrophied their muscle/ability to say no, but that’s ok…just begin and see how freeing it can be.

For this season of my life in which my kids are older, I have much more flexibility and can say yes more to work engagements, and I’m speaking more than I did in the past when they were little and I wanted to be home with them.

Ensuring that we stay authentic to our definition of success is a journey and constant practice. And, giving yourself a lot of grace and compassion in getting off the balance treadmill is a practice so worth doing.

You may also enjoy reading Better Boundaries, Better Balance: 5 Tips for Prioritizing YOU, by Sweta Vikram.

The post Breaking Up with Balance: Busting the Work-Life Myth for Women appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

While creating a healthy and mindful culture in the workplace is often an agenda for HR or C-suite executives, you can shift the experience for yourself

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Mental health and wellbeing in the work environment is being discussed around the world in new ways. In these turbulent times, many people suffer from depression and anxiety, which makes the conversation of mental health within the workplace something that must be addressed. Companies that promote self-care and cultivate a culture of wellbeing for their employees, overall experience a workforce with healthier, happier people, which results in greater expansion and success for the business. 

If you are on an exploratory path of cultivating self-care in your workplace environment, here are three tips to consider:

A Different Kind of Self-Care

Whether you are the owner of your business, in a position of leadership, or an employee, you can affect change. Regardless of your title and position, your choice goes beyond you and influences others. A great place to start to cultivate a culture of wellbeing is by looking at what self-care means to you.

Have you ever taken a moment to ask, “Who or what nurtures me?” Or do you focus on how you “need” to be, according to other people’s standards and points of view? Do you look at what nurtures you and follow that, or do you give you up to get others to like and accept you?

If you choose things because they are right in other people’s eyes, you cut yourself off which has an adverse effect on your wellbeing. On the other hand, the moment you start to look at what works for you and choose in that direction, your life begins to change, and you recognize that everything around you desires to contribute to you. Relax and receive the nurture and care that are available. When you are clear on what works for you, your way of being in the world changes. People are drawn to you. You become an inspiration. 

Enjoy the Journey

Have you heard of the concept ask and you will receive? Are you asking for the things that you desire to have in your life, or are you asking based on what others have told you that you should desire? Or maybe you have decided that there is a particular image that you must maintain so rather than discovering what is true for you, you build your life to hold that image in place. If what you are asking for in your life is not based on what is true for you, it cannot show up.

Start to ask, “What can I ask for that makes me happy?”

This is not a question that you answer with your mind. It’s not about figuring out 3 things that make you happy and then you are done. This is an adventure, an ongoing journey, and the question is about gaining clarity and discovering what is true for you.

Ask this question every day, again and again. Each time you ask, what you discover will change because when you change, your ask changes, your life changes, what you can receive changes and expands. From that new expanded place, ask again, “What else can I ask for that makes me happy?” Remember, don’t stress an answer. Let the question do its job and unfold and you will begin to find clues about what brings you joy. 

Let It In

Have you ever had someone tell you how amazing you are, or acknowledge a greatness of you, and rather than receiving their words of gratitude you blocked it? Dismissing gratitude is not caring for you and yet for many of us receiving judgment is much easier than receiving gratitude because it is more familiar. Every day judgment comes our way. Some judgments are spoken, others are energetic, either way, we perceive and are aware of them. 

Rather than looking for a way to deal with judgment, which is a detour, you can bring about change more quickly by starting to receive gratitude, acknowledgement, and nurture. Let these things in and judgment will no longer be an issue for you because they will melt the intensity and relevance of judgment in your world, which allows you to be aware of judgment but not at the effect of it. Judgment becomes like an ant crawling on an elephant. 

How do you let in more gratitude, acknowledgement, and nurture? By making a choice. You can start now.

Wherever you are, whether you are in the car, at home, at work, in nature, drop your walls and barriers and ask, “What gratitude, acknowledgement and nurture can I now receive?” Everything desires to contribute to you. The chair you are sitting on, the plants, the people, all these things are an energy, and when you ask to receive you start to notice what is available right in front of your eyes that desires to contribute to and nurture you and you can let it in.

A self-care culture in the workplace begins with you. Ask questions and discover what self-care is for you. Explore what makes you happy and add these things to your life. Receive the nurture that is all around you. Choosing these things will empower you and you will get happier. This joyfulness becomes an invitation to others to let them know that they can choose to care for themselves too. This is how we create a greater business and a greater world; one that works for us all.

You may also enjoy reading Radical Self-Acceptance: 3 Keys to Increasing Your Confidence in the Workplace, by Brandon Hawk.

The post Creating a Culture of Mental Health and Wellbeing Within the Workplace appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

For women especially, perfectionism is a goal that limits, rather than expands opportunity; perhaps it’s time to lean into self-trust instead

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I meet hundreds of women, through my work as an author and speaker, who are ready for their next level of impact, yet they sit on the edge, contemplating if they are “ready enough.” Like me, these women evaluate every potential outcome and frequently focus on the not-so-positive scenarios. With this lens, often filled with negative self-talk, they override their inner knowing and convince themselves that now is not the time. So, they wait.

Looking back, I now see that some of my self-imposed delays were dripping with doubt and unrealistic expectations. I often pressured myself to make others happy or avoided my fears of failure or embarrassment. Even on projects where I had little or no experience, I put enormous pressure on myself to create fantastic results.

These ridiculous, self-imposed expectations kept me working nights and weekends, striving to be over- prepared for the next opportunity.

Through my research for my second book, I learned that I was not alone. In the workplace, women often wait to be 100 percent prepared to apply for jobs, as opposed to men, who feel comfortable at around 60 percent prepared, according to Tara Sophia Mohr, author of Why Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified.

Let’s ask ourselves, how often do we require ourselves to be 100 percent ready or more for new things?  How have you held yourself back during the past two years because you were not 100 percent prepared? What fears have you identified that you now realize have a STRONG hold on you and your aspirations? What steps could you take this month to push through your self-doubts?

After years of personal development, I now see perfectionism as more about wanting to fit in and working to avoid criticism or negative comments from peers, leaders, and co-workers. I will let you know right now that it’s not easy to break away from perfectionism, even though I recognized its grip on my life years ago and have worked to overcome it through self-development, spiritual alignment, and mind mapping.

I now realize that perfectionism is a trap that prevents us from digging deep, releasing guilt, and realizing that we do not need to seek external approval for self-worth.

But even knowing this, I still see it trying to creep into my life every day.

Let me ask you, what are you sacrificing to be a perfectionist? How do you use perfectionism as an excuse in other areas of your life? How have you sidestepped your well-being or wellness to meet your expectations of perfectionism?

For me, after reading dozens of books and receiving many energy sessions, I can now be candid. Going above and beyond is often a tool we use to convince other people and ourselves that we belong and are worthy of being here.

The mind chatter or inner critic telling us we are not being good enough is fueled by, guess who? Our egos!

My perfectionism was always present but often in high gear when starting something new — the “something new” kickstarts my need to do it perfectly. But as we know, that is impossible because if we’re doing something for the first time, we don’t have that experience.

So, while mistakes and missteps are inevitable, they should not impact our decision to start, try, or check out something new and definitely not make us second guess our likeability or self-worth. Is there a particular project you were working on, a group of people you were trying to impress, or a particular time in your life when you believed perfectionism felt necessary?

Can you recall the first time you felt the need to get everything correct or perfect? When were you heavily praised for ‘thinking of everything’ or doing the steps others forgot?

Consider this your personal invitation to take a look at how perfectionism has impacted your inner dialogue and a motivation to embrace the journey of self-trust as you lean into your curiosities.

You may also enjoy reading Perfectly Imperfect: Saying Goodbye to the Curse of Perfectionism, by Laurence Favier.

The post Breaking Away from Perfectionism  appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes

Workplaces evolve; your management style—and the environment you foster for your employees—needs to evolve with it

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Anxiety can present itself in many places in our lives, and the workplace is no exception. 83% of US workers suffer from work-related stress, with 25% saying their job is the
number one stressor in their lives. About one million Americans miss work each day
because of stress. 76% of US workers report that workplace stress affects their personal relationships according to The American Institute of Stress. Additional statistics include:

• 40% of workers reported their job was very or extremely stressful
• 25% view their jobs as the number one stressor in their lives
• 75% of employees believe that workers have more on-the-job stress than a generation ago
• 29% of workers felt quite a bit or extremely stressed at work
• 26% of workers said they were “often or very often burned out or stressed by their work
• Job stress is more strongly associated with health complaints than financial or family problems
• 80% of workers feel stress on the job, nearly half say they need help in learning how to manage stress and 42% say their coworkers need such help
• 25% have felt like screaming or shouting because of job stress, 10% are concerned about an individual at work they fear could become violent
• 14% of respondents had felt like striking a coworker in the past year, but didn’t
• 9% are aware of an assault or violent act in their workplace and 18% had experienced some sort of threat or verbal intimidation in the past year

The Cost of Stress

Beside the toll on health, stress also costs businesses and the economy trillions in absenteeism, low productivity, and healthcare costs. Though stress in the workplace is inevitable, providing stress management tools will mitigate the effects of stress, and will lower healthcare and other stress-related costs to the business in the long run.

• Depression and anxiety cost the global economy approximately $1 trillion in lost productivity.
• An estimated 1 million workers are absent every day because of stress.
• Job stress is estimated to cost the US industry more than $300 billion in losses due to absenteeism, diminished productivity, and accidents.
• Over five hours of office work hours are lost weekly to employees thinking about their stressors.
• Work-related stress costs $190 billion in annual healthcare costs in the US.

As the nation moves through the effects of the pandemic, we are seeing extensive increases in anxiety, depression, and anger. People are having a difficult time securing and maintaining employment. The ambiguity associated employment procedures, locations, expectations, and safety have replaced work environments that were typically last ambiguous, more stable, and more defined with regard to workplace responsibilities and standard operating procedures. It may take some time to redefine the role of business, and the employee. In the interim, it is imperative that management and employee assistance personnel become trained to be more proactive regarding the needs of the employees, and in the presentation of services to help them readjust to an undefined workplace environment

The Efficient Workplace Blueprint

It is imperative that ownership, management, and employee service personnel understand how important it is to reduce workplace ambiguity, to help employees define their workplace responsibilities, and address the emotional issues which may affect their productivity, emotional wellbeing, and happiness. It is so important for management to understand what has happened to their employees, and also to understand what they are thinking and feeling as a result of the changes we have experienced in the nation. Like it or not, these changes have found their way into the workplace, and those employers who are willing to assist their employees as they reassimilate themselves into the workplace environment, will see happier employees, and increases in productivity.

The Important Steps

1. Lip service doesn’t work. Authenticity does.

All too often, supervisors, management personnel, and employee assistance staff attempt to quickly move past employee concerns and complaints, without gaining an understanding of what the employee is thinking and feeling. The rule here is if you say you are going to be there for your employees, then follow through. In order to communicate efficiently with employees, you must be willing to listen to them, and understand exactly what their concerns are. They must walk away from you with a feeling that their concerns have been validated, and that you are going to either do something on the spot, or very shortly to help them address those concerns. Even if there’s nothing you can do about their concerns, listening to them, validating them, and explaining what may or may not happen is invaluable. If an employee feels as though they are intellectually and emotionally invisible, and that their opinions do not matter, their performance at work will reflect those feelings.

Regardless of how management looks at the changes in today’s employees, you are going to spend time with them. If you are not helping them address their needs, that time you spend will be as a disciplinary action, a suspension, or a dismissal. And while the process develops, expect undesirable behaviors, tardiness, absences, problems with supervisors and or other employees, and loss in company revenue based upon the reduction in productivity and absenteeism. The old form of negative reinforcement has no place in today’s workplace. Never ever disrespect an employee, and never ever talk down to them.

Since you are going to spend time with today’s employee, it makes sense to be proactive, understand their needs, and at least show them that you are willing to attempt to work with them to address their concerns. The key is that employees need to believe you are doing your best to treat them with respect, listen to what they are saying, and make every attempt, within reason, to address the situation. Never lie to them, misdirect them, or placate them. Make no mistake about it, they are intelligent enough to see through this. If you work with them, they will work with you.

2. Invest in your human resources personnel

The individuals you have designated to be the frontline service providers for your employees need resources, training, and enough time to spend with the employees. Unfortunately, businesses and corporations tend to be lean when it comes to their employee

assistance programs. Human resources personnel cannot efficiently address the needs of the employees unless there are enough staff to do so, they have the necessary space to ensure confidentiality and personability, and are provided with the programs and training necessary to keep up with an ever-changing workplace employee.

The process starts with talking to your human resource providers, and ask them whether they feel their department is large enough, and has adequate resources to service the number of employees who work for you. Time is an essential factor in employee relations, and these people should have enough time to adequately understand an individual’s problems, and to help them formulate some form of treatment plan to address them. Very rarely do we hear employee resource personnel tell us that they’re able to keep up with the changes in today’s workplace, and they too are working under ambiguous and undefined conditions.

Training to help them address employee needs is essential and needs to be ongoing. Human resources personnel must understand each and every job associated with the people that are trying to help, and what it takes for employees to properly function in those positions. The more we know about the employee, the more we can help them. Give your human resources personnel what they need to succeed. Provide them with everything they need to efficiently address the needs of the employees in a timely fashion. By the way, your human resource personnel are people too, and they have needs. Healthy human service providers are essential, so pay attention to their needs.

3. It’s always about the people

Too many businesses make the mistake of hiring outside concerns who have no intimate understanding of the employees they are being hired to assist. So many of them come in with elaborate programs with reported track records that attest to their success. Unfortunately, these people don’t spend enough time in your facilities, and they do not have a day-to-day working knowledge regarding what is happening there. Regardless of how successful they say their programs are, programs to help employees are only as strong as the people who deliver them. The successful delivery of the program always depends on the capabilities of the staff who are going to deliver it. Instead of investing large amounts of money in firms who are never going to become intimately involved in your business, spend your money turning your employee service personnel into your own personal in-house employee service experts.

If you look closely at the programs you are bringing in your business, you will find that they have a shelf life of about two years. At that time, the people delivering them will either find ways to stop using them, or they will simply have no option as a result of what’s occurring in their day-to-day responsibilities. This is why it’s so important to provide routine training and educational programs to your Human Services staff, and to supervisory staff.

Supervisors are often the hands-on people working with individuals in their day-to-day job functions. Giving them good people skills, ways to understand what employees are experiencing problems, and knowing what to do to help them obtain the help they need is essential in the day-to-day workplace. So, the rule is to train your in-house staff who have more intimate day-to-day contact with employees, help them refresh their skills routinely, and provide them with the necessary resources to efficiently help employees. If you do, you will reap the benefits of efficient in- house employee workplace programming.

4. One person at a time is always the way

When it comes to human interactions, nothing feels better than to have someone’s undivided attention, and know that what you are saying is important. Listening is the fundamental skill in efficient communication. If an employee feels this is though what they are saying is important, and that they’re not being grouped into some quick fix, let’s get this out of the way of communication process, they will feel as though they are important to the company, and they will respond by making the company important to them. In the past three years, we have seen a serious decline in basic human respect. We have seen verbal assaults that seem to have become a way of life, and people firmly believe that they will be victimized in most social situations. The workplace is a social situation.

Letting people know that they are important, that it is safe to talk to you, that you are listening, and taking what they say seriously, sets the stage for a communicative process that can be beneficial to everyone involved. When an employee approaches you, treat them with dignity and respect, and listen to what they have to say. In order to help facilitate this level of communication, everyone in the organization should attend trainings which enhance communication, and listening skills. That starts at the very top of the company, and includes every individual who works there. Make sure that what is being taught in these trainings is something that carries over into the day-to-day employee setting.

5. Be proactive

What seems like a tremendous amount of work is really all about understanding that the workplace environment, and the people who are employed there have taken on different roles, and have very specific and very different needs. As I mentioned earlier, you will be putting in the time, either to repair damage that has occurred, or to create a workplace that communicates well, and takes care of everyone employed there. There is far less work to do in the proactive stages of employee programming than there is to do when the crises develop. Damage control consumes far more resources, and does far more damage in the long run, so do be willing to be proactive, and provide the necessary personnel, resources, and programming to address the ever- changing needs in today’s more complicated workplace.

Today’s workplace, and the individuals who are employed there have experienced a significant change in the last three years. There is no return to the old normal, and today’s workplace will continue to evolve. Those employers and management personnel who understand this, and have made a decision to become prosocial in their attempts to address their business strategies, and the employees they hire to carry out the various functions associated with their business plan, will experience a happier and more productive workplace. Be someone who is willing to invest the time and resources to build a solid business plan, with trained employee service personnel to carry out that plan. It’s as the old saying goes. You can pay me now, or you can pay a whole lot later. 

You may also enjoy reading How Personal Growth Can Make You a Better Leader, by Tabitha Laser.

The post Creating an Anxiety-Free Workplace: A Simple Blueprint for a Happier Work Experience appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to business success, but a few simple shifts will make a huge difference in your results

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What if you could create everything you desire in business with more ease than you ever thought possible? What if what is not currently working with your business could improve quickly, and everything that is working could get even better? Does this sound too good to be true? It’s not. Contrary to what many of us have been taught, it is not external circumstances that create success. It is YOU.

You are the source for creating your life and your business. Recognizing this removes all excuses and empowers you to get to work in actualizing what it is you desire.

These are my top 4 tips for getting out of the way of YOU in business.

What do you desire?

If you could have anything as your life and as your future, what would it be? Notice, the question is not, “If you could have anything as your business, what would it be?”. Business is not separate from you. It is a part of everything that you are choosing and creating and when you know what it is you truly desire, you can begin to move towards that in all aspects of your life, including business.

Most of us were not taught to ask for what we desire. It was either stated, or implied, that there were limited choices in life and the reality is many of us created our lives based on those limited choices only to wake up one day and realize it does not actually work for us. That is ok. It is never too late to start. Ask, “If I could have anything I desire as my life, what would it be?” Now write down 8–10 things. How much money do you desire? Do you wish to travel? How often? Do you wish to do something that contributes to others? To the earth? How do you want to feel? Clarify what it is you desire.

Ask 

When you look at your list of 8–10 things, if you find that what you desire is very different from your current life and business, don’t judge that and don’t judge you. It is never too late to start, and it can be far easier than you might think. Look at your list and perceive what it will be like when that is your reality. Now, pull those things in. How? Simply ask. When you are clear on what you desire and you ask for it to show up, things will start to ping you. Follow those pings. The whole universe wants to contribute to you. The world wants to give you everything you desire—but you don’t ask. You must ask.

Acknowledge your successes

Many years ago, I made $100,000 very quickly in a business venture. As soon as I hit that $100,000 mark, I started having problems financially. Why? There was a time in the past that I had set a target to hit $100,000. At the time, that was a big number. When I reached that target, I did not pause and acknowledge that I had achieved something I set out to achieve — and when you don’t acknowledge when this occurs, you start to diminish the success you have created.

Acknowledge your successes and all the targets you have hit, however big or small. Acknowledge that you were the source for creating them. Now, ask for more! How much more would I like to create now? What would be fun for me?

Stop avoiding mistakes

Many people in business are very committed to not making mistakes. Guess what occurs when you are committed to not making mistakes? Mistakes. My point of view, if you desire to create something, there will be “mistakes”. So what? Get up. Dust yourself off and try again.

I had a great horse who was afraid of big trucks. I was riding along the street one day when a big truck was approaching, and my horse decided to spook and jump sideways into what he thought was tall grass. It was short grass, and he went down on all 4 knees, hurting himself. That was the last time he spooked because of a truck. Everything I needed to know about life, I learned from horses. Horses don’t repeat the same mistake. They take in the information and do something different the next time. Clearly, horses are smarter than most people.

When we look at what our choices create, rather than labeling them as mistakes, we gain awareness that contributes to our lives and our futures.

When things don’t turn out the way you would like them to, when you make a mistake, rather than judging you and that choice as a failure, ask questions such as, “What is right about this that I am not getting? What is right about me that I am not getting? And what do I know now that I did not know before?” Ask and receive the awareness of greater possibilities.

When you recognize that you are the source for creating the life, business, and future you desire, anything can change. Look at what it is you desire and ask for it. Acknowledge where you have had success. Don’t judge your mistakes. Rather, take the gift of awareness that each choice creates and leap forward into possibilities.

You may also enjoy reading Are You Willing to Give Up Your Utopian Constructs? by Gary Douglas.

The post 4 Tips for Getting Out of the Way of YOU in Business appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

Through life’s twists and emotional challenges, one woman unwaveringly follows her heart — discovering unexpected gifts and a deeper purpose to serve

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It was end of June 2002 when my beloved grandmother passed away. She was ninety-nine years old and a profound inspiration in my life. She not only taught me about courage and grace but she made it possible for me to step into my current life. She’s my eternal star.

The Pivot

Trapped in a well-paid but soulless banking job, the only highlights of my stressful weeks were my Pilates classes. It was a love at first sight relationship and I kept wanting more. I knew I had to do something about it but I didn’t have a clue how to. Fortunately as what’s meant to be is meant to be, I found out about a Pilates training school in Canada and instantly knew it was going to be a match. One major problem remained: finding the funds to support me for a whole year abroad. A few days before almost giving up, as the deadline for paying the remaining school fees and securing an apartment were still pending; a beautiful soul turned into a shining star. I was heartbroken but knew the next chapter of my life was about to begin.

My new life in Toronto was filled with excitement but also many challenging moments. Immersed in a new culture, language, intense hours of practice, practice teaching, studying, all of it demanded 200% of my presence and energy. My brain was saturated most of the time but it was a “no brainer”; I had to keep going and succeed because there was no failing possible. I loved my Pilates and was determined to share that love further and beyond.

A year later, in September 2003 I opened “Le Studio Pilates” in my hometown, Geneva, Switzerland. Alas. After a year of hard work, many sacrifices; I was becoming my own boss, doing something I felt so passionate about. It was a dream come true. To this day, in spite of the challenges linked to being self-employed, I’ve never had a single regret about following my heart rather than my head. The journey that began while I was an employee, bearing the stress imposed by my employers, leaving my soul empty after hours of meaningless labor  made so little sense compared to the joy of connecting with humans and furthermore help them either regain confidence or feel empowered. 

Some things never compare and compromising finding your true purpose in life should never be considered.

No matter what it takes for a dream to come true, it’s always worth the efforts and related challenges. 

The Stride 

For about 10 years I worked diligently, sharing the vast repertoire of a full Pilates certification until I gradually saw my way of teaching change. I was naturally gravitating towards rehab Pilates and the relationship between body and mind. I even took up a psycho-kinesiology course, a somatic approach. Clients with unresolved mechanical issues were referred to me. 

Incessantly I observed, identified causes and proposed simple solutions. So simple that I began seeing a pattern: people were resisting their center of gravity. Yes, that was it. The more they struggled, the more off balance they were. I was onto something indeed simple yet so big and for some of my long-term clients, it was obvious this new approach meant a complete reset of their way of apprehending movement. They and I with them, discovered all the benefits of experiencing what I often call: The Middle.

The Middle

Physically, it’s the place where gravity feels weightless, where you can breathe deeply, where you can move freely, where range of motion and performance are at their highest.  

What this does to your mind is equally extraordinary. It’s the place where useless struggles, “must do’s” and “have to’s” don’t exist. It’s the place where you can simply be and enjoy the “here and now” of your body and mind in synchronicity.

I would have much to say about the symbolic meaning of the center of gravity but I will stick to one: fighting your center of gravity is a bit like fighting the gravity of life. Your body holds the hidden messages that your mind doesn’t want you to hear. But like the saying goes “you can run but you cannot hide”. You can either harden yourself against adversity or choose gentleness.

Postures always reflect mindsets. Mindsets always reflect beliefs and beliefs often hold traumas.

Most of the tensions I deal with on a daily basis are located in the middle, upper back area, including neck and shoulders. When clients realize the release of tightness as soon as the body returns into its center through more presence in the lower limbs (imagine the keel of a boat), they’re always a bit baffled. It seems so simple and in theory it is, but in reality, it can be quite challenging for some, and rigidity (inside and out) has a lot to do with it. The only way out of this, is by way of the heart and its beautiful gentle energy.

The Heart

Our hearts are the guides and guardians of balance. It’s location in our body, right in the center speaks of that. It sets the tone of any life situation where a positive outcome is awaiting. In the context of body and mind, it creates magic. The heart is the most powerful and efficient tool for high performance.

When connecting to their heart by simply bringing their attention to it, all of my clients, without exception, immediately go to a softer place in their minds. That’s the key.

Removing pressure and expectations by means of “must do this right” or the fearful thought of not doing it or managing it right, helps them release tensions in their body related to the stress they self-inflict. When I first found this out, I was stunned. Today I’m in awe of the beauty of it. Every time I witness this shift, I’m filled with joy for my clients because I know they learned an invaluable lesson: it’s useless to struggle for results. 

“Feeling good” is way more productive than “doing good”, especially when it comes to qualitative performance. And that’s a lesson they bring home and refer to in many instances.

The Imposter

“Anne. You should really write a book about your method and approach to body mind balance.”

This is what I so often heard from clients in the last eight years. A pure tragedy. Why? Because deep inside my heart and soul, their words and wishes resonated more than you can imagine… but the drama was that I just didn’t know how to go about it. I realized my work was making a difference for my clients but I never saw anything in it more than business as usual. For me, my gift was nothing to brag about because it stemmed from instinct and passion. 

Who and why could anyone, outside my clients be interested in my detailed, unusual, sometimes very tedious approach to body mind balance and mostly, how could I share and write about it? 

No one out there knew me. I was working hidden from the world out of lower-ground spaces with no advertising, website, social media connections. Absolutely zero visibility! All my clients came through referrals. Why would I have told myself about a story of success? To top it all, I am rather shy. In short, I kept myself safe for years but also denied myself stepping into my power, because I was unable to value myself and my work. Until one day, back in January of this year when my world began turning around.

The Shift

Late that month, after following a book writing workshop, I began foreseeing the strong probability that writing about my work was within my reach.

Alas. My dream was in sight!  Unfortunately, that was just before getting a reality check. Kelly Notaras (a book editor and author of The Book You Were Born to Write — a ‘must read’ if there’s a book on your heart… but be ready for a ride!) crushed my hope in her chapter “Understand what you’re getting yourself into”!

Building a media platform and an audience prior to writing my book?! No way. Never. Social medias are not my friends. These were all the roadblocks I put between me and my book when I realized everything it would take for my dream to come true. To say I was upset is nothing and it took a lot of courage and faith to get to the next stage:

I knew I needed to learn about how to promote myself and my work and that’s when I came across Bill Miles, a photographer and visual media coach. 

Meeting and working with Bill turned out to be everything but what I had expected. Instead of finding an easy path towards the spotlights of fame and fortune — I found a way straight back into myself and some pretty deeply hidden traumas. Was this all a bad joke? All I wanted to begin with was simply writing a book. Why was I putting myself through so much trouble? For what? Social media? My least favorite thing. Had I made the wrong decision by joining this Visual Media Coaching Program?

It was a steep road and learning curve for me, not to mention the financial investments I had to make, yet week after week, Bill helped me get a peek at what looked like my redemption.  What if I was paying for all these years of preferring to hide and not face my fears or judgment about the world of social media? Thankfully it was bigger than that. It was about learning and growing in unmeasurable ways. About facing off with fears and stepping into my true self. When the course ended, I thought my new life was finally about to begin. Little did I know…

The Question

Two months after finishing Bill’s program I was in complete procrastination mode. I built obstacles here and there, created problems and excuses to stop myself from doing what I had to do to be seen and share my message. In short, I was still totally scared about owning my power. 

So destiny struck, again, and without fully realizing or understanding why, I hopped into a High Performing Coaching Program. This one completely and definitely kicked me out of stagnation. The journey of self-discovery that had begun with Bill, went into tumble drying mode with these guys. Lots of stuff hit the fan and many times I asked myself the same questions as months before: What am I doing here? Seriously. All I want is to write a book! Yet, I was in it and it took me over a month to truly open up and embrace things I never thought I would have the courage to face in my life. 

What I’ve learned since the beginning of my journey in January has humbled me in so many ways. My destination was a book. I was so sure of it. Today I’m not so sure anymore because the journey enlightened me and brought me exactly where I need to be. And this place still isn’t a book, but it surely is about sharing.

The Landing

The most valuable asset I have acquired throughout my journey is ME. Nothing like me, myself and I but more like “Oh, hi Anne. Nice to meet you!” 

I learned to look at myself through many different angles, eyes and most importantly, souls. Cameras, strangers, fellow students, artificial and natural lights, life stories, breakdowns and breakthroughs (mine and others), mentors.

Every single one of these showed me a part of myself I either denied or was too scared to look at. And all of this happened to help me celebrate who I am and how my gift to the world can now finally come into the light. 

Creating my own brand that carries all of my values, stories of struggles and challenges, success and growth, learnings from almost two decades of beautiful exchanges with my amazing clients, was certainly not going to be simple and it’s taken me over a year to settle for a name that would imply simplicity, my eclectic background and the art of being present in the “Here & Now”, as I call it.

AvR Coaching encompasses all of my activities and teaching, ranging from Pilates, to rehab Pilates, to sports performance increase as well as life coaching.

My entire being knows there are many bodies, minds, hearts and souls to guide back into their sovereignty. And you know what? I simply can’t wait to see them thrive in it.

If you wish to find out more about my online working options or contact me for a chat, I’m only one email away and I would love to read and find out about you and where you’re currently at in your life.

As mentioned on my website, my clients are my greatest source of inspiration and growth. Sure, I may know some valuable things about Body Mind Balance but I keep learning every day from the many bodies, minds and souls that gift me with their trust.

You may also enjoy reading Against All Odds: A Story of Triumph, Perseverance, Healing and Service by Shawn Wells

The post Following My Heart: A Journey of Transformation & Evolution of Purpose appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Exercising mindfulness in the workplace allows us to experience greater peace while making more sound and emotionally-detached responses.

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No matter what you do for a living, you have probably been in situations where a person or team’s behavior stressed you out at work. Likely, you personalized the incident and thought this was happening to you because this person didn’t like you or was out to get you or had made it their sole ambition to make your life miserable.

You found yourself fuming and pacing up & down with a gazillion thoughts racing through your head. A few of you might find yourself plotting revenge; others, sulking or even crying or complaining to a friend/colleague. If you notice closely, your breathing changes. While you suffer in silence with made-up stories pouring through every cell, the person who annoyed you is living their life.

What if I told you that it doesn’t have to be this way? What if I shared the magical nuggets of mindfulness to help you navigate difficult scenarios, coworkers, and bosses, so you can build a bubble around yourself and nothing can shake you up? Sounds too simple and contrived? Hear me out.

Mindfulness is about living in awareness, paying attention to the present moment, and not being judgmental about it. It isn’t about emptying your mind and not thinking about anything;

Mindfulness is about paying attention to your emotions, feelings, and physical sensations in the body. It trains us to become more accepting and receptive to what is.

The other day at work, a client made a massive error where they gave us wrong dates for an upcoming event. It wasn’t the first time. Just a week ago, they had made yet another error with the dates of certain events. Twice inside of a week, I had to secure, apologize, and then let go of speakers. Not everyone could make the new dates. A part of me wondered if the client’s carelessness wasn’t yet over and we’d see yet another set of dates. This meant I had to do the groundwork all over again. Would our speakers assume I was being unprofessional even though the mistake was at the client’s end?

I don’t believe in engaging when I am feeling riled up because it creates, not solves, problems. I walked away from my emails since I didn’t want to type up a reactive response. I strolled in our living room. I took deep breaths. When your exhales are longer than your inhales, it lowers anxiety. I acknowledged my frustration. I held space for myself and what was bothering me. I meditated for 10 minutes. A few moments later, I felt unfettered. My body language as well as my breathing changed.

Research has shown mindfulness is a reliable method for reducing stress, including at work. Our minds are busy; we are always doing something or making assumptions. 

Multi-tasking is another productivity myth because it really adds to our stress and takes away from our focus. Think about it! How can you split your attention and complete multiple tasks at the same time?

Just pausing and reflecting had given me a new perspective on the situation-at-hand. Being aware of every breath, every action, every movement, every sensation, every word that you speak or type up, every thought traversing through your mind is mindfulness.

Baby Steps to Accepting Mindfulness at Your Workplace:

Adopting a practice of mindfulness at your workplace takes a little time, and it helps to start with baby steps. In my example, I’ve broken down the baby steps I took to reclaim my center and calm, in hopes that it will help you at your workplace:

1. I allowed myself to feel the frustration and name it.
2. Strolling lowered my angst and gave me a fresh perspective.
3. Meditating for a few minutes got me out of the flight-or-fight mode.
4. Slowing down actually helped me speed up mindful thinking.
5. Breathing deeply and letting go helped center me.
6. I accepted that the client wasn’t making repeated mistakes to annoy me.
7. This error wasn’t about me.
8. I have no idea about the clients’ motivations, so why assume.
9. I also accepted that I can’t change what the client does.
10. I noticed that I had a choice to not react, just respond… and I took it.
11. I acknowledged that a fixed mindset about people’s actions is unproductive.
12. I realized that I needed to focus on the task at hand.
13. I felt grateful that I have a job that allows me to lead a balanced life.
14. No workplace will ever be perfect, so we need to learn to reprogram our minds to think in a healthier way or readjust expectations.
15. Whenever things go awry, consider making a gratitude list.

When I sat down in my seat, I knew what I had to do. I felt focused, flexible, and tranquil. I didn’t feel the need to talk about it with anyone. I reached out to the speakers and explained the situation without criticizing the client.

What started as an inflammable day ended up being a peaceful one. The only one who can do that is YOU. When you practice mindfulness at home or mindfulness in the workplace, you’ll be a better version of you!

Dan Harris, the author of 10 Percent Happier, says, “I think of mindfulness as the ability not to be yanked around by your own emotions. That can have a big impact on how you are in the workplace.”

You may also enjoy Podcast: Laura Garnett | Love the Work You’re With by Laura Garnett and Best Self Media

The post How Mindfulness Can Help you at Work appeared first on BEST SELF.

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Intuitive coach Patrice Washington shares her refreshing views on the interconnected relationships of wealth, joy and gratitude.

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Every now and then, we come across a fresh voice — a new take on a familiar theme — and it has the power to shift our entire paradigm. Such was my response when I learned of the work of Patrice Washington and her intuitive approach to manifesting…be it wealth, joy or anything else.

Patrice is an award-winning author and podcaster, transformational speaker, hope-restoring coach, and conscious media personality. In 2020, SUCCESS Magazine named her one of 12 Inspiring Black Voices in Personal Development.

Patrice is committed to teaching a holistic approach to life while redefining the term “wealth” back to its original meaning, “wellbeing.” She encourages individuals to chase purpose, not money.

Patrice helps lift clients from cycles of confusion by guiding them to peel back from surface level questions. From this conscious mindset, she implements a non-judgmental space for understanding what they are really hiding that is holding them back from their dreams. Although Patrice does not teach the law of attraction, her divine downloads have guided her to teach the principles of manifesting through joy and gratitude.

In this Q&A, Patrice responds to a few questions I put forth to inspire our Best Self community. I hope you enjoy and find your own inspiration within her words!

—Bill Miles, Co-Founder, Best Self Magazine

BM: How did you become interested in the subject of wealth, and particularly, its relationship to wellbeing? Did you have your own money blocks that you had to take down?

PW: I love that I’m answering this question for Best Self Magazine, because there’s actually a subtitle in my book called “Become Your Best Self” that answers it for me.

When I first started in real estate, my husband and I earned seven-figures and lived what most would consider a “wealthy” lifestyle. However, we ended up losing everything in the 2008 housing market crash and literally went from wealthy to welfare. We made a deal that we would not make the same mistake again and even in the midst of rebuilding my own life, I chose to focus on personal finance where my main goal was to help people build financial wealth and avoid making the same mistake I did.

When I actually looked up the definition of “wealth”, my interest grew after learning that the twelfth-century definition of wealth is “the overall condition of wellbeing or happiness.” Once I made that connection, the idea to redefine wealth for myself and help others do the same was inevitable.

I had to remove the money block that wealth tied to your net worth and realized that true wealth is so much more than money or material things. A “wealthy life” is actually one of sustained wellbeing that requires a strong foundation of physical, mental, and emotional fitness. It requires you to become the strongest, healthiest and best version of yourself so you can sustain and enjoy everything you build.

BM: You speak of creating wealth by chasing purpose, not money; can you explain what wealth and purpose each mean to you and how one can beget the other?

PW: When I came up with the tagline, “Chase purpose, not money,” a few years ago, I’d already lived this way for a long time. Since I started my first business, I’ve always used my gifts to do purposeful work in some way because for me, purpose is not only the work you use your gifts to do, but how you can serve others.

When you’re fired up to work in your purpose or when you’re working for more than a paycheck, you bring a spirit of enthusiasm to everything you do.

You naturally strive to operate in excellence, you end up attracting people and opportunities that would have otherwise passed you by and you can live every day knowing you’re answering the calling on your life.

I believe that by “chasing purpose, not money”, we can attain true wealth which benefits our overall wellbeing. If we ignore or neglect our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing while chasing money, we may fill our bank account, but we’ll only end up suffering along the way. Why make the journey harder than it has to be, when we can purposefully achieve the wealth that we desire?

BM: What is an intuitive approach to wealth and finances — and how can one develop that?

PW: As a coach, I teach the women in my programs that work is about living your life’s purpose. To live your purpose, you have to be obedient to whatever your intuition or the higher power you serve directs you to do. Obedience doesn’t care about your feelings, your convenience, or your comfort because obedience isn’t about you, it’s about how you can live a life of fulfillment and be of service to other people.

Wealth and finance function the same way. By approaching wealth with the mindset that it’s not about you, but rather the people you serve, you will be more willing to invest in yourself, your health, and your personal finances in order to create the time and financial freedom needed to help those you’re obediently called to help.

BM: How do experiencing joy and gratitude play into the manifestation of abundance?

PW: Joy and gratitude give our spirit the rich nourishment required to thrive. When we experience joy and practice gratitude, we become strong enough to let go of suffering and stop nursing old wounds. We develop the capacity to heal quickly and move on and we become strong enough to accept and sustain the abundance and the enlarged territory that we hope to receive.

A positive affirmation I like to use is, “The joy in my heart releases an abundance of good in my life.”

I believe that in every situation there is either a blessing or a lesson, but when we are grateful for either, our gratitude attracts abundance. What we verbalize, we magnetize, in our life and I our money.

BM: Lastly, what would be your first line of advice for someone who struggles with creating financial stability in their life?

PW: Building wealth and financial stability has 100% nothing to do with money. It has 100% everything to do with improving your thoughts and beliefs around money first.

You may also enjoy Podcast: Jim Brown | True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning

The post What’s Joy Got to Do with It? A Q&A on Manifesting and Wealth with Patrice Washington appeared first on BEST SELF.

Data breaches have become a stress-inducing hazard in the modern world; here are some ideas to minimize your risk

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If you keep up to date with the news, chances are you’ll have come across a story where a cyber-security incident has led to personal data being leaked online. Data breach experts are seeing the effects of this more and more, with sensitive data being exposed almost every day.

Of course, the most immediate issue following any data breach is the risk of victims being financially compromised. That being said, many people fail to realize that experiencing a data breach can also have a wide range of effects on an individual’s mental health.

In this post, we’ll discuss some of the ways in which a data breach might affect a victim’s mental health. We’ll then offer some useful tips to help avoid it from ever becoming an issue.

How can a Data Breach affect someone’s mental health?

Data breaches come in many different forms, and different types of data can be breached depending on what actions the organization responsible took.

Commercial Data Breach

When it comes to commercial data breaches, most organizations that hold your personal data will have records of things like:

• Your name
• Your address
• Your contact details
• Partial bank account information (for instance the first four numbers of your account)

For obvious reasons, most organizations should not have records of sensitive information (like login details, passwords and full bank account information). Even still, when your data is breached, no matter how inconsequential it may seem, you will still be losing your privacy, so feelings of stress and anxiety are completely natural.

These feelings can also be exacerbated if you feel as though the organization who was responsible for holding your data is not taking the situation seriously enough, or you believe their response was not entirely appropriate.

Individual Data Breach

Where an individual is responsible for leaking their own personal data, there could be a number of potential explanations. A personal data breach may be due to a lack of security software, or by falling victim to a ‘phishing’ attack.

These attacks, carried out by cybercriminals, can be used to extract even further information. For instance, a criminal may use your email address to then ask you to provide your online banking details.

If you’re being harassed by phishing attacks, it’s entirely understandable why your mental health may suffer as a result.

What steps can you take to protect your data?

While you may not be able to directly control what a business who holds your personal data does, there are a number of steps you can take to help protect yourself.

1.) Avoid Using Public Wi-Fi

Public Wi-Fi networks create a data breach risk. Home (or private) Wi-Fi networks are encrypted, which means that unauthorized users are unable to access your network and subsequently obtain personal information, or use your network for malicious activity.

Public Wi-Fi networks are not encrypted, so people will be able to monitor your online activity and exploit security flaws to intercept your data.

2.) Create Strong Passwords

It may seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many people use the same password for every account they have online. Often times, these passwords are not strong and are easily guessed, which means your data can be easily compromised.

It may be a good idea to invest in a secure password manager which will allow you to safely store the different passwords you use for your online accounts.

3.) Be Aware of Privacy Settings

Most websites and applications offer privacy settings for their users. If you carefully assess the privacy settings on a site, you will have better control over how much and what sort of information is shared. It’s always a good idea to share as little data as possible.

4.) Avoid Untrustworthy Sites

When you’re using the internet, it’s best practice to avoid any sites which appear untrustworthy. This is especially true if you are engaging in online shopping.

One of the easiest ways to tell if a site is trustworthy is to see if there is a padlock symbol next to the URL. This will mean the site has a signature that is encrypted, increasing its security.

5.) Back up Your Data

Ransomware attacks are where a cybercriminal steals your personal data, demanding a ransom to be paid while it is held hostage. For that reason, you would be well advised to back up your data, potentially using a cloud-based service, that prevents ransoms from becoming an issue.

What should you do in the event of a data breach?

Even if you take every possible step to reduce the risk of a data breach occurring, there is no definitive guarantee that you’ll be protected. But not all is lost! To avoid letting a breach negatively affect your mental health, you can:

1.) Contact a Data Breach Specialist

If you know that your data has been compromised in a breach, possibly because an organization has got in touch to inform you of the situation, you should always discuss your options with a data breach specialist.

In certain circumstances, you may be entitled to compensation following a data breach. A specialist can work with you to clarify whether this is the case, discuss how much you could be entitled to, and guide you through the general claims process.

2.) Contact Your Bank or Financial Provider

If you know that your data has been compromised, you should speak to your bank or financial provider to let them know what the situation looks like. They’ll be able to closely monitor your financial activity and shut down your account if there appears to be an immediate issue.

3.) Carefully Monitor Communication

As we discussed earlier, phishing attacks can be a real issue following a data breach, so you need to be extra vigilant. Any communication that appears to be from an organization you associate with (such as your bank) should be carefully scrutinized. You should not click any links or open any attachments that appear to be unsafe.

4.) Report the Issue to the Information Commissioner’s Office

If the data breach in question was caused by an organization, then they should always report it immediately to the Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO).

However, if the organization in question hasn’t self-reported, then you can take matters into your own hands. The ICO will launch an investigation which will help to clarify how the data breach occurred. This will be very useful if you intend to make a claim for compensation.

Are you concerned about the mental health impacts of a data breach?

Data breaches can be a daunting prospect, and it’s easy to suffer as a result of becoming a victim. But, by taking these tips on board, you should be able to manage the potential impact, and move forward with your life in confidence.

You may also enjoy reading Electrosensitivity: When the Modern World Hurts, by Alison Main.

The post Data Breaches and Mental Health: A New Wave of Anxiety appeared first on BEST SELF.

April is financial literacy month so here’s a call for women, by women, to become more pro-active in managing money

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Money can feel daunting! Is managing your money creating anxiety? Remember: Everyone shares their own unique relationship with money. Depending on a woman’s childhood, family, background, culture, socio-economic influence, family traditions etc. — her overall perception of money management might vary. Also, every family makes their own choices about roles, chores, and responsibilities.

According to the U.S. Bank Women and Wealth Insights Study, women under-engage with their finances, although they control more than $20 trillion in wealth. Is it fair to assume that women might be earning the money, but they are not necessarily managing it too? The research findings also tell us that while women value financial security, nearly half of those interviewed associate negative words with financial planning. Women tend to be less engaged with personal finance and many opt out of enhancing their financial knowledge.

I rarely hear women talk about financial wellness as being part of their daily self-care routine. If anything, I have heard, “Let’s leave the planning to the man.”

I have also met women who didn’t believe in being financially independent. “Someone else will provide for me,” they shrug when real life conversations around money come up. A few didn’t think they needed to be aware of the need for financial planning. If you are a homemaker, you might feel you aren’t entitled to knowing about your family’s financial wellbeing, but that’s far from the truth. Every woman should be aware of her family’s finances and able to run it without any interference or help.

• Did you know that 59% of divorced Americans state that finances played a role in their divorce? (source).
• People under financial stress are 13 times more likely to have a heart attack (source). 
• According to the Society of Actuaries report Difficulties in Gaining Financial Security for Millennials, 51% of Millennial women say they are overwhelmed by their financial situation, compared to 29% of men. (source)
• Women disproportionately take care of their elderly parents or family members (source)
• Did you know that financially stressed people are much less productive at work?

Financial stress can have a huge impact on everyday life for a large majority of women. Not knowing enough about money can make you feel helpless. Research tells us that women tend to outlive their male counterparts, and therefore generally need more money to fund their senior living expenses. Given that women are paid less than their male counterparts and might have to take employment breaks to bring up children and care for their elderly parents — they are at a disadvantage when it comes to retirement savings.

I spoke with five female financial experts who remind us why financial self-care matters. They also share financial tips for a new kind of self-care routine in 2021:

Diane Neustadt, Director of Operations at Forest Hills Financial Group Insurance, Financial Planning tells us, “In my generation, it was the norm for women to be chiefly caregivers, housekeepers, and wives while our husbands provided for the family. Money was the man’s responsibility, and many women did not concern themselves about what would happen if they needed to take on multiple caregiver roles and/or be financially independent. We have made remarkable strides, but many women still feel financially unprepared. Regardless of marital status — single, divorced, widowed, or married — it’s so important for women to take a much more active role in their financial lives. Women are still earning less than men and need to work longer to make the same amount of money as our male counterparts. Earning less reduces retirement income (Social Security, retirement accounts, etc.) and combined with living longer than men, this can lead to a large retirement funding gap.”

Ruchi Pinniger, Founder/CEO of Watch Her Prosper says, “Did you know that 61% of women would rather talk about the details of their own death than money⁽¹⁾ ? I know the numbers may seem scary, but isn’t it scarier to live your life ignoring your finances? We say we will deal with them later, but later never comes. “Later” isn’t in the calendar.” She reminds women, “Not only will taking care of your finances lead to peace of mind, but ultimately it’s a form of self-care and allows us to create our own futures. Whether you own a business or work for a company, understanding what you are earning, and spending helps to set goals, save money, and plan for your trips, spa days and retirement.”

(1) Source: by Merrill Lynch and Age Wave

Monica Ranjan is a Business Manager in England. She says, “This issue is very close to my heart as I have seen the wellbeing of many women suffer due to inadequate financial control. The premise of self-care is rooted in some fundamentals which are very basic and affect our existence on this planet. Basic needs like food shelter etc. and then more complex ones like economic, social interaction etc. However, in today’s society the secondary needs have merged with primary needs. We are fighting for our survival today by fighting for our identity which defines our existence. Our identity can be protected and progressed through self-care only if that economic and social base is stable. You cannot breathe if your lungs are filling up with smoke from little fires of uncertainty everywhere. So, we need to start by removing that mind and soul-destroying uncertainties, be it financial, so we can thrive.”

Ramona Thomas, a financial advisor says, “Many people are simply uncomfortable talking about money. Some of this is learned from childhood (i.e., how and what we learned about money growing up).  Some of it is cultural and/or personal — we live in a society where money matters. I work with a lot of women, many of whom carry some shame about past financial decisions or guilt about not being where they believe they should be financially at this point in their lives. Some are shy or embarrassed by what they perceive as their lack of financial literacy or investment knowledge. When people are really stressed about money or do not feel like they have enough (or will never have enough), they make hasty or unproductive financial decisions that negatively impact their financial outlook and position. Your thoughts and beliefs drive decision making, so mindset is important.”

Smita Baliga who works for KPMG US, said, “To me, self-love is more than applying a face mask or getting a massage. It’s about financial independence, having income generating assets, investing wisely, and having unlimited flexibility. The peace of mind that comes from taking charge of my life is my happy space.”

While yoga, meditation, massages, and other kinds of self-care rituals can help lower anxiety in the moment, not being involved in financial self-care can wreak havoc on your overall life and wellbeing for an extended period of time. Look inward and understand what habits work for you. Get help if you need it. But don’t ignore financial wellness. 90% of women will be solely responsible for their finances either from staying single, getting divorced, or living longer. We owe it to our current and future selves to have a firm handle on our finances.

“A woman’s best protection is a little money of her own.”

– Clare Boothe Luce

You may also enjoy reading Is Your Money Happy? A Refreshing To Navigating Your Finances, by Ken Honda

The post A Call for Women to Redefine Self-Care by Taking Care of Your Finances appeared first on BEST SELF.

If your home has become your office of late, maybe it’s time to look deeper into making a more healthful environment where you work

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The work-from-home revolution of 2020 may have been dramatic, but it was hardly the first time that employees had tried working remotely. Nevertheless, the size and scope of the adjustment was truly enormous, and the first goal for most enterprises was simply setting up a scenario where their employees could still communicate and collaborate in some form or another.

As the initial weeks of the pandemic stretched into months, though, the remote work world began to settle in and many workers began thinking beyond the basics. How could they improve their new home-bound professional lives?

If you’re still facing an indefinite amount of time working from home, it’s about time that you stop holding out for that nebulous “return to the office.” Instead, generate some assistance for yourself on your own. How? By turning your entire home into a more healthy and productive space for the upcoming year.

Organize Everything

One of the quickest and easiest ways to improve your home’s productivity, in particular, is to organize. This doesn’t just mean putting a few things away. It’s a serious call to action that should include:

• Decluttering your spaces by identifying what items are important and then storing, repurposing, donating, or recycling what’s left.
• Making sure everything important is kept in a specific place near where it is typically needed.
• Setting boundaries and dedicating areas of your home to things like work, school, sleeping, and recreational areas.
• Establishing consistent routines, especially to start the day.
• Setting up schedules that keep your household on track and aware of everything that is taking place.

Organization is one of the best ways that you can effectively increase your household’s productivity. In addition, it can help provide a sense of calm that is great for your mental health, as well.

Address Digital Clutter, Too

Along with organizing your physical spaces, you also want to address your digital ones. This starts with how your electronics are set up. Make sure cords are tidy and chargers are kept in a single place.

In addition, take time to organize your online files. So many work and school activities take place online these days, that it’s easy to end up with a severely cluttered computer desktop, pages of apps on your smartphone, or a messy Google Drive folder. Take the time to clean up and organize your digital spaces so that everything is easily available when it’s needed.

Make Time for the Basics

Sometimes you have to put your health first and productivity will follow. This is especially true with three basic areas of health:

• Eating: Put in the effort to ensure that you’re eating purposefully and making healthy food choices throughout each day.
• Exercising: It’s easy to slip into a state of lethargy when you’re working from home, which means you have to make a concerted effort to exercise regularly.
• Sleeping: Make sure that you’re allowing yourself to get at least seven hours of quality sleep each night.

With these three areas in mind, review your living space and see if it’s equipped to help you stay rested, nourished, and fit. Do you have a good sleeping space set up? Can you exercise either inside or outside on a regular basis? Have you equipped your pantry with healthy food options?

Address Mental Health

If you want to be more productive and healthy in your home, it’s also important to consider your mental health. Here are a few simple ways that you can improve this area in the upcoming year: 

• Unplug: Taking breaks from your computer and electronics can help you rest, reset, and spend quality time with your family.
• Decorate with green: Using natural decor in your home, such as house plants and rustic wood, can help to create an outdoor atmosphere of peace and calm.
• Try aromatherapy: Setting up a diffuser with some essential oils can naturally improve the atmosphere of your living space.

By looking out for your mental health in ways like these, you can naturally boost your home’s health and increase the productivity of everyone in it.

Address Health Concerns

If you’re spending all of your time in your house, it’s also a good idea to consider the healthiness of your living space. A few areas to keep in mind include:

• Replacing filters on furnaces, air purifiers, and humidifiers.
• Deep cleaning your home to get rid of dust, dirt, and other allergens.
• Using green cleaning products to avoid unnecessary chemicals in your home.
• Swapping out cosmetic and personal hygiene products that potentially contain talcum powder with asbestos.
• Addressing areas that contain mold and lead paint.

By looking for both the big and little ways to clean your home, you can create a healthier living space for you and your loved ones to dwell in around the clock.

Setting Your Home Up for Success in 2021

There are multiple ways to boost the healthiness and productivity of your home in the upcoming year. Many of these are small yet effective, such as taking breaks, decluttering, and making time for sleep, food, and exercise. 

If you can take the time to set a healthier and more productive tone for your home this year, you won’t just be able to survive the work-from-home setup. You’ll be able to thrive in it. 

You may also enjoy reading Love The Work You’re With: The ‘Genius Habit’ that Will Shift Your Relationship Forever by Laura Garnett

The post Turning Your Home Into a More Healthy and Productive Space in 2021 appeared first on BEST SELF.

As ‘work from home’ drags on into winter, work and health habits can drag as well; here are a few simple shifts for stepping back into your power 

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Millions of people have found themselves working from home unexpectedly this year, and while at the start of the pandemic everyone was trying to follow best practices for working remotely, as the days get shorter and darker it’s easy to slip into bad habits. Here’s a practical guide for maintaining a positive body and mindset while you’re working from home this winter. 

Re-establish Boundaries 

The longer you’re working from home, the more likely it is that the boundaries between work life and home life start to blur. But it’s important to get back into a good routine and avoid working into the evenings and weekends — it’s key for your mental health and working longer hours is unlikely to make you more productive. 

Set yourself working hours, with the same start time and finish time each day, and try to stick to them as much as possible.

If you find yourself finishing later and later, then set a cut-off point where you just have to close down your laptop and switch off. 

If you find it hard to switch on and get focused in the mornings then try taking a short walk or adopting another morning routine before you start. It establishes a clear distinction between getting up and starting work that can help you to get in the right mindset.

Showering and dressing properly before work also shifts your energy into ‘work mode’.

And to help you stay on task throughout the day, try to take regular breaks away from the screen. It could be worth trying different time management techniques to help you make the most of your working hours and stop yourself from running out of time. For example, by using the Pomodoro Technique you can work in short, focused bursts of 25 minutes without any distractions. 

You can use a simple online time tracker such as Tomato Timer to ensure you stick to the time limit.  When you’re up against a time limit you’ll be more motivated to get as much as possible done.

It’s important to find a routine that works and that you can stick to when you’re working remotely so that you stay focused during working hours and can switch off outside of them.   

Look After Yourself 

Another important part of maintaining a positive body and mindset for a winter of working from home is prioritizing self-care. During the summer months, it’s a lot easier to get outside in the daylight, go for a run or walk, and your motivation to cook healthy meals and eat well is generally higher.

If your diet and exercise have started to slide, then you need to come up with a new plan for getting back on track. 

Start planning out your meals each week so that you can incorporate fruit, vegetables, protein, and everything your body needs to stay healthy. Cook bigger meals at the weekend so you have leftovers in the week and don’t get tempted to order in when you’re tired. 

And if you feel like you’re struggling to eat the right things, you could consider taking some extra vitamins. For example, liposomal vitamin C from Seeking Health can boost your immune system to stay healthy through the winter. Vitamin D is another important basic immunity enhancer; in the summer we acquire this from the sun, but in the darker winter months, supplements can help.

Exercise is also going to make a big difference in your mindset during the winter. It’s tempting to stay inside when the weather’s bad, but make an effort to wrap up and get out at least once a day. 

If you struggle with motivation to exercise try following a fitness plan or use an app to track your progress and set challenges for yourself. For example, the Nike Training Club provides access to a huge range of fitness classes, provides wellness advice, and it helps monitor your fitness levels to encourage you to keep exercising. 

Optimize Your Workspace 

If you’ve started to get into the habit of working from your sofa or your workspace has become cluttered and messy then you need to focus on creating a productive working environment. 

Try switching up your workspace location and set yourself up somewhere else in your home — it could help you to feel more inspired and motivated. Just make sure it’s a specific space that you designate for work, even if it’s just the corner of your kitchen table, and it’s away from distractions. 

Get everything you might need during the working day within reach such as a laptop, keyboard, notepad, pens so that you don’t procrastinate adjusting your desk or hunting for something to write with. And get into the habit of tidying and cleaning your desk space regularly — don’t let piles of paperwork creep up, empty your bin, and wipe down the desk.

A clean, organized space is going to make you feel more motivated and ready to work. 

If you’re really struggling to stay focused while working from home then you could consider hotdesking in a co-working environment, or set up in a coffee shop every now and then (if possible). A change of scenery and the bustle of being around other people can help you to concentrate and reduce the feeling of isolation that sometimes comes with remote working.

Stay Connected

Feeling isolated and disconnected can easily happen when you’re working from home, especially if you don’t live with anyone else. Social interactions with colleagues can be a lot harder to maintain when everyone is working remotely, and if you can’t meet up with them in person then you need to look at other ways to stay connected with your team. 

Suggest a drop-in video meeting once a week for anyone to join and catch up, schedule in an extra five minutes at the start of meetings to chat, or ask a couple of colleagues if they would like to have a virtual Friday evening drink.

It’s also important to make plans outside of work for the evenings and weekends. You need something to look forward to and to motivate you to finish your work and switch off. If you can’t meet up with people face to face, then arrange a regular video or phone call with your friends and family. Talk to them and tell them that you’re feeling a bit lonely, and ask for help — you’ll probably find others are feeling the same way. Keeping yourself busy and connected will be an important part of maintaining a positive mindset through the winter.

Working from home during the winter can be more of a struggle, but by making an effort to maintain a clear boundary between work and home time, taking time to rest, reaching out to others, and looking after yourself you should be able to improve your body and mindset.

You may also enjoy reading 7 Productivity Tips that Can Change Your Life, at Work and at Home by James Dorian

The post A Practical Guide To Maintaining Positive Body & Mindset For Winter WFH appeared first on BEST SELF.

As I get older, I find that achieving New Year’s resolutions results almost exclusively from our mindset and what we decide to do with our time

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After the year we’ve all just had, I feel it’s safe to say we’re all secretly (or rather obviously) looking forward to the start of 2021. And we’re all hoping it’s going to be a better year than the one we’re leaving behind.

However, as I get older, I find that the magic of New Year’s resolutions and new beginnings stems almost exclusively from ourselves and what we decide to do with our time.

Let me explain why I firmly believe that 2021 can be your best year yet.

Mindset Over Setbacks 

We’ve all heard a story or two about people who have been faced with incredible hardships and managed to make their life a success despite all the hurdles.

My great aunt was one such person. Energetic and cheerful well into her nineties, having survived two children and her beloved husband, not to mention a war, she never let life drag her down for too long.

I believe that your mindset can help you overcome practically anything in life. Of course, challenges will still be difficult, and loss will still be loss. But if you choose not to remain down for too long, you can come out on top. 

Consider What You Want 

While I no longer make resolutions, I do find that taking a good long look at my life in January usually helps me start off on the right foot.

Over the holidays, take a bit of time for yourself and examine the year you’ve just had. Consider what you have achieved, what you are grateful for, and what it is you would like to do with your time in the year that has just started.

Writing these things down is a great way to keep yourself accountable.

Plus, you’ll be able to look back on them one day and see where life has taken you.

Try not to aspire to things you don’t really want to be doing. Make a list just for yourself. What do you want from 2021? It can be something as simple as “smile more,” or it can be something huge like “get my degree” — but make sure it fills your heart with joy. 

Learn Your Lessons 

No matter how much we may dislike 2020, and no matter how much it may have hurt us, it has hopefully managed to teach us a thing or two.

Firstly: we never know what’s coming. I doubt anyone (except maybe a few scientists) could have predicted we would spend 2020 in lockdown. Literally anything can happen just around the corner, so don’t spend too much time worrying and fretting about the future.

What you are dreading may never happen — and something you’ve never considered just might.

Secondly: don’t let your fears and insecurities hold you back anymore. Make 2021 a year of YOU, a year where you no longer let your thoughts about ‘what if’ hold you back. Everything you’ve always wanted to do but have been putting off for this reason or that can find its place in your 2021 calendar. 

Build the Proper Foundations 

To start the year off right, you might want to focus your attention on ensuring you have the energy and the time to do everything you want to do.

Start by waking up earlier. I know it sounds like a cliché, but it really does make you feel like you have more of the day, and you aren’t as sluggish. However, you need your sleep, so reaching this goal might need to start with going to bed earlier. 

Consider your diet and how you treat your body. You want it to be happy and ready to carry you through any and every adventure. Even if the adventure is nothing but reading a book, you don’t want to sit there experiencing stiffness or pain.

Eat well, try new recipes (or new takeaways), and find the time to exercise. This could be the year you discover what your perfect kind of workout is. Mine is yoga and thanks 2020 for teaching me that!

Organize your day and your week so that you create enough time to do what you need to do as well as what you want to do — adventures and chilling included.

Final Thoughts 

I don’t actually believe that everything will change when we enter the new year. But I do believe we can choose to make any new year a new chance to do better, to feel better, and live our best lives, and we can actually start that new year at any time — we just have to choose to.

To get there, you need to work on adopting the right mindset and establish a routine that supports you.

Embrace a lifestyle that is comfortable but also offers all the room for growth you could have ever dreamed of.

Here’s to a joyous 2021 — may it be the best one yet!

You may also enjoy reading How to Thrive in Times of Change by Gary Douglas

The post 2021 — It’s the Beginning of Anything You Want appeared first on BEST SELF.

As the pandemic shifts from shock-and-awe to ‘The New Norm’, 6 women share their coping strategies…from meditation to new businesses

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I saw a meme today where number 13 goes, “I am the worst number.” 666 follows up with, “No, I am the worst number.” 2020 goes, “Bitches, please.”

In March, we were scared for every single breath that left our body; by August, many have become desensitized. We are infusing fear with humor. COVID hit us all so hard and took away any iota of normalcy, leading us to rethink so much of what we’ve taken for granted in our lives and work in the past few decades.

“Unprecedented” has become the word of the year repeated on loop at every meeting. We have lost lives, loved ones, livelihood, sanity, health, and so much more. The pandemic has compelled us all to pause and make notice of what we’ve tolerated and accepted that needs revision and change.

It has also been found that COVID-19 has had a greater impact on the mental health of women than men. Some women have had to choose between going to work and being a caregiver. The fact is that in New York City, healthcare, social work, education services, retail, and restaurants and bars reported some of the greatest job losses. Many of these professions employ more women than men.

I have also seen women in my universe — personal and professional circles — lose work, shut down, battle anxiety/depression, rise from the ashes, and keep it real. Some have relied on routine while others on to-do lists. Daily dose of inspiration and journaling got some out of bed and a few looked to meditation and movement to find their center. Some pivoted their business model while others went on to launch a new business during the pandemic. You get it, right? There is no one “right” way of coping, surviving, and thriving. We are all doing our best on a daily basis—I hope you know that.

It takes time to become whole. It takes time to handle grief and process what we are dealing with currently. We have all suffered loss on some level. We have all felt stuck and overwhelmed.

Traumas and healing and surviving shouldn’t be compared, justified, criticized, or judged. But reading stories of how some women navigated the mother of all examinations, aka 2020, and crossed emotional hurdles…can be inspiring and reassuring. Stories build communities. Communities make us feel less alone in our struggles. They remind us this too shall pass.

One of my biggest learnings from the pandemic has been: not everything is a priority. I don’t need to jump on every Zoom or phone call. I don’t need to sign up for every webinar. I don’t need to attend every online yoga class. Less is more and self-compassion is key. This mindset shift has helped me both stay productive and sane in these turbulent times.

I had the honor of asking six women across different industries and spaces how they have found the motivation to continue during this crisis. Our beloved city, NYC, where all of them either live or have an office, isn’t available right now in many ways because of the pandemic. But instead of falling into a permanent rut and losing focus, somehow these ladies have created new rhythm. They share what’s kept them productive, centered, and creative.

“Getting back to my routine of food safety business productivity has required patience and literally working on projects, one at a time, to allow myself to have a consistent mindset and focus so to complete a project before moving forward. This is a new concept for me while I am taking care of my three kids and octogenarian, live-in parents. Keeping up with the science of this pandemic, effectiveness and use of PPE and how to create a new safe ‘normal’ requires time. Not having solutions or answers for my clients is uncomfortable but being in that uncomfortable space is giving me the inspiration to create systems for my clients that already leverage their procedures and give them confidence to ensure safety for all.”

—Laurel Cudden, Founder and CEO, Grade A Safety

“I guess what I’ve tried to do is make the best use of the cooler summer morning hours to get things done before it gets too hot outside. My work-from-home schedule tends to be fairly flexible. I take the morning to get some personal business done, get outside for coffee or to run some early errands, back for a healthy lunch, and work in the afternoon. I’m not going out much in the evening so it’s early to bed and early to rise the next day.”

—Carol Marie Tuite, Co-founder, Franklin Street Policy Group

“Here’s what’s kept me productive and helped me get my creativity back:

1. Create a ‘Win-Wall’ either weekly or monthly — where I stick Post-it notes on the wall of my accomplishments. This could be anything from sleeping for 8 hours, to going for a walk or finishing something on my to-do list.

• Catch-ups with friends, with actual phone calls. Talking to friends who don’t know what I’m actually doing, gave me a chance to think about other things I could be doing.

• Meditation & Gratitude practice has helped me stand grounded. When I was producing the insane Inkwell event that was super stressful and fast — meditation for 5 minutes before I started my day was immensely helpful to get me to focus.”

—Laura Mignott, CEO of DFlash and creator/host of The Reset Podcast

“Community has been so important to my sanity and productivity these last 5 months. I’ve found much needed inspiration, compassion and strength while connecting with the women in my personal and professional circles. And having the opportunity to be a sounding board or to offer encouragement and advice makes me feel useful. Turning inward, my TM (Transcendental Meditation) practice, which I started in January, has helped to ease my growing anxiety and has started to create space in my brain and in my heart. Lastly, as the warmer weather started in May, a daily early morning 3-4 mile walk while listening to podcasts like Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us has helped to clear my head and keep me going for the day.”

—Felicia Stingone, co-founder of Chief Marketing Partners

“I started baking and perfecting an Oat Bite recipe a few months before quarantine started. When the stay-at-home orders went into effect, I decided to turn my hobby into a business — and launched Baked by Nature.  During quarantine I developed a brand, built a website and officially registered as a corporation. I spent countless hours building a social media presence, taking my own product photos and connecting with my network to sell my new creation. I found the dedication, the constant drive, goal setting and challenge of starting a business extremely helpful and powerful during this time. I feel accomplished and proud of each task I checked off my “business to-do” list.

I got in touch with a different side of feeling successful — a side I only touched when I worked toward a goal and accomplished something for my business, for me. I found productivity to be the only way to move through the tough times of quarantine. The empty moments, the hours I did not focus on something or left for nothingness were more challenging than the hours I focused on being productive. That is not to say that I did not need time to relax, breath, workout, read a book, get lost in a TV series, etc. because I did, but looking back on the weeks and months that have passed since March, it was productivity that allowed me to thrive.”

—Kara Freedman, CEO-Founder of Baked by Nature

“Things that have kept me going the past few months are laughter, creativity, good food (mostly cooked by my husband), and a steadfast journaling practice. I have a 6-year-old and while entertaining an only child within the confines of a NYC apartment has at times been maddening, it’s also stretched my imagination and added a lot of laughter and joy. Creativity is a huge part of my personal and professional life. What that’s meant during the pandemic is saying yes to more play requests and finding creative practices that I can do with my kiddo. I’ve spent many hours coloring, painting, building Lego towers, and constructing cars and creatures with cardboard boxes and glue. It’s been excellent practice in staying present and removing adult expectations of what things are supposed to look like and doing them for the pure joy of using my hands.”

—Madeline Schwarz, Career and Communication Coach

I think the bottom line is we have all had to re-imagine productivity and priority. Do what works for you — If you want to scale back and spend some time with the family, by all means do that. If you prefer to buckle down and work on new ideas, nothing wrong with that choice. If I may make a friendly suggestion, give meditation a chance to build mental resilience. It teaches you to focus on what matters. Now more than ever, you really need to rethink your priorities so you’re working smarter, not harder.

You may also enjoy reading 8 Tips for Managing Change and Thriving During Life Transitions, by Dr. Bojana Jankovic Weatherly

The post Real Talk: 6 Women Share How They’ve Been Navigating COVID-19 appeared first on BEST SELF.

What if you could show up greater today than yesterday, and see problems as opportunities? Here are 4 tips to help you pivot and evolve, so you can.

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Most of the world sees the COVID-19 pandemic as a crisis. For most people, the focus has primarily been on the turmoil. Loss of jobs. Concerns about money. Fear with health care. Amidst this widespread uncertainty about the future and when and how this will all come to an end, can you imagine what it would be like if you started looking at the gift in it all?

In times of change, you can either go into trauma, drama, and fear… or you can pivot and choose something different. For me, the gift of the coronavirus is that it has shown us that nature can and will fix itself if we just get out of the way. You, too, can thrive in times of change and come back greater than ever. All it takes is choice and a change in perspective.

Here are my top 4 tips on how to do that: 

1. Flexibility is key to survival 

The people who survive and thrive during times of crisis are the ones that are willing to be fluid in order to create something greater than what they have done in the past. Many people have the mindset that what is occurring in the world is bad and terrible and that it is going to be like this forever. No, it is not. It will change and it will end. 

But what is going to happen next is going to be different than anything that has happened before. We need to accept that and then start looking at how we can change with it. Rather than holding onto old storylines and dreams about you and your life, be prepared to imagine something greater. If you only look for how you can recreate the past, you will only recreate the disaster that currently exists. To avoid this, ask yourself: “What can I create that I haven’t created before? What do I need to do or be different so I can change all this with ease?”

2. Figure out your strengths 

If you have lost your job and your livelihood, it’s understandable that you are anxious about the future. But if you pivot, you can look at this change as an opportunity to explore what else is possible that you have never considered. Instead of staying in gloom and doom and anxiety, find what you are good at that other people would like to have as well. Look at your gifts and natural abilities. What strengths do you have that others might not have? What can you do that you’ve never done before?

When you create a business, a product or a service that creates more in somebody’s life — you get money. This is called benevolent capitalism. Benevolent capitalism is creating something that adds value to others, increases your money and brings greater possibilities to the world for the good of us all. 

3. Use your talents and money to assist others

One of the greatest ways to pivot and evolve is to stop focusing on yourself and your problems and turn your attention to assisting others — in big ways or small. Even in times when the world is thriving, people have difficulties and challenges. This provides you with an opportunity to use your talents and money to add value to the world.

For instance, one time I went to a coffee shop with a friend and the lady serving us was very slow. She would bring one cup of coffee. Leave the table. Bring another cup of coffee. Leave the table. Back with one pack of sugar. Leave the table. On and on it went. Clearly, she was struggling, so I showed her how to pick up two cups of coffee, sugar, spoons and donuts all at the same time. She told me that she had recently gotten a divorce and prior to that had been a stay at home. Having never worked in her life, all of this was new, and she was worried she was not going to be able to handle it. When we left the coffee shop that day, I left her a $6 tip which was the same cost as the bill. She came to the table and said, “Sir, you gave me too much money.” I said, “No I didn’t. I left that so you would know that you’ve got this, and you are going to be fine.” Small gesture with big impact.

4. Use this time to ask questions 

Now more than ever, ask questions and look for possibilities. Questions open the door to new things, new opportunities, and new ways of doing things. Questions asked from curiosity and wonder empower us to create something different, something that has never existed before. Continuously ask, “What else is possible?” and “If this wasn’t a problem, what would the possibilities be?” When you ask these questions, keep in mind that the point is not to find the right answer; it is to become aware of what you have not been able to perceive before. 

At first glance, it would seem like companies needing their employees to work from home rather than coming into the office or factory is a major problem. But a positive side effect of this change is that there have been fewer people on the roads, which has allowed nature to reset. Animals are out and about in record numbers and the sky has not been this bight or blue for a very long time. Families have had more time to be together as the daily commute through traffic has subsided as more and more people are working remotely. As a result of these forced changes — and the upside of utilizing remote workers — employers and business owners are re-assessing how they will operate post-COVID.  

How will it all look as things shift into the new normal? That remains to be seen. What I do know is that things will shift when you allow yourself to pivot from focusing on what is a problem to what is possible.

You may also enjoy reading Are You Willing to Give Up Your Utopian Constructs, by Gary Douglas

The post How to Thrive in Times of Change appeared first on BEST SELF.

Toxic culture can be rampant in the workplace, but by bringing strength and awareness to your actions, you to shift it, tapping into our fundamental desire for good

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“I could help him, but I’m not going to.”

This is what a colleague said to me years ago about a coworker who was clearly spinning out of control and about to crash professionally. Let’s just think about that idea for a moment: I am able to help, but I choose not to.

There are instances in which inaction would have been appropriate, but in this case, the people involved had a relationship that went back at least a decade. They weren’t adversaries; in fact, they had a history of supporting each other’s success. Although assistance would have been absolutely effortless with an impact that was potentially life changing, the rising man decided that the falling man had made some mistakes and should perish for them.

Fair enough, but when did we raise the bar of human performance to perfection?

When did helping other human beings in need become an act of great effort versus an act of general expectation?

And when did individualism become so paramount in America that we structured community — the feeling of fellowship with other human beings — right out of our lives?

Today the man who chose not to help is a senior executive at a Fortune 500 company. I’m still puzzled and disappointed by his behavior, particularly since he was the first to show me how good people know better but intentionally choose worse. Because of my own similar leadership failures, I was particularly troubled by this man’s inability to understand the power of leadership and the heightened responsibility that comes with it. This experience made it clear to me that our moral and educational systems are failing to adequately prepare our leaders to lead.

I have spent a lifetime researching human behavior as a part of my job as a venture builder. Although I am paid to understand markets and buyers, for the past two decades I have taken a keen interest in a specific area of human behavior: Evil.

Studying evil was not by choice; it was by necessity.

I had to make sense of my life — specifically, my corporate life where I operate amongst thousands of coworkers. As a strategy expert and an agent of change, I’m well suited to lead the path forward for companies in industries facing disruption. But many of these hyperdynamic industries and corporations possess something foul, something vile and smelly within their cultures that cause otherwise good people to go bad. Including me.

According to Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and professor emeritus at Stanford University, evil is defined as intentionally behaving or causing others to act in ways that demean, dehumanize, harm, destroy, or kill innocent people. This includes the failure to help those in distress (bystander failures).

Or, more simply, and according to Irving Sarnoff, psychology educator, author, and Fulbright scholar, “Evil is knowing better but doing worse.”

The first time I knew better but did worse, I was working at a 100-year-old company fighting for its survival. I was part of the change team and the environment was stressed. Manufacturing plants were being closed, supply chains were being redefined, business lines were being cut, and many others were being created. Key leaders were at odds and bad actors were allowed to act badly, creating a system of lawlessness and confusion. Fear was thick in the air as people faced the possibility of losing their jobs and livelihood.

Against this toxic backdrop I made a couple of poor choices. But my colleagues made worse choices, and their choices created a situation that gifted me with a lifetime case of PTSD which repeatedly found me in similar overstressed, high-change corporate environments over the course of my 25-year career. In every case, my hypervigilant human stress response was triggered. And, in every case, I watched good people go bad. Again, and again and again.

We are seeing this in our world today: people behaving badly. Knowing better but doing worse.

Social factors — aka, the culture of the broader environment in which we live, work, and play — affects our stress levels. Overly stressed environments hurt organizations and people because they have a direct impact on human physical and mental health. We call hyper-stressed environments “toxic” environments because they are ineffective as well destructive to its people. According to a study fielded by the HR Research Institute and EVERFI in 2019,  toxic cultures are pervasive today:

• 54% of workers report toxic cultures.
• 53% say their company does nothing to address toxicity issues.
• 62% of workers believe their leaders do not create a positive workplace environment.

Studies by the National Occupational Safety and Health found toxic workplace environments a leading cause of workplace violence such as “violent acts, including physical assaults and threats of assault, directed toward persons at work or on duty.” Studies on this issue also conclude that verbal violence (threats, verbal abuse, hostility, harassment, and the like) can cause significant psychological trauma and stress, even if no physical injury takes place.

Researchers have found that toxicity is the byproduct of the interplay of three factors:

• Charismatic leaders who exhibit high levels of narcissism and a destructive ideology of hate.
• Workers who conform to unmet needs, low self-evaluation or colluders who support bad values.
• Environments conducive to instability, lack of checks and balances, and perceived threats.

What I have learned from my experiences in toxic cultures and the unconscionable human behaviors they encourage is that each of us has the power to puncture the prevailing mindset, to shift the trajectory of a situation, and to change the course of a human’s life.

We can each do our part to counter toxic people and situations by following these 3 powerful principles:

1. Speak Up

Toxic environments create the perfect petri dish for herd behaviors, a phenomenon in which individuals act collectively as part of a group in ways that they would not as an individual. To avoid this, don’t justify bad behavior, minimize it as an unusual occurrence, or ignore it and hope it will go away simply because you want to go with the flow. Instead, ask yourself: Will I be proud of my behavior one year from now? If this were happening to me, or someone I care about, would I behave the same way? Speak up and remember that we rarely get a second chance to make up for our silence.

2. Question Actions Designed to “Help Someone Learn”

Often we justify our own and others’ bad behaviors as an opportunity to “help someone learn.” This is a classic rationalization approach for harm-doing in toxic cultures. What is the likely outcome for the ‘learner’ after the action is taken? Will they be subject to pressure from management or peers? Will they be isolated or ostracized in any way? Will they be put on probation? Could they potentially lose their job? Think really hard about the outcome for them. If it’s negative, check your motives to make sure it is not solely self-serving.

3. Realize That Your Perception Is Flawed

There is no way for any one of us to ever truly know the experience of another. We don’t have all the facts, we haven’t experienced the situation as they have, and our biases distort our view of things. Our reality is ours alone. Don’t assume you know the solution to someone else’s problem, or that you even understand the problem at all. Find the courage to ask questions and gain understanding by communicating with others outside your normal circle. The broader your perspective, the more truth you will bring into your life.

As a person who desperately needed others to step up and counter the prevailing dynamic in my organization, I would have considered anyone who had taken the initiative to do so a hero.

When the majority of people are overcome by pressures toward compliance and conformity, the minority who resist should be considered heroic.

Social psychology expert, Philip Zimbardo

If you know anything about the history of the world, you know that humanity has a dark side. But I refuse to believe that our future is going to be determined by our lowest common denominator. We’re better than that. There are solutions we can implement — at an individual and institutional level — that reveal our ability to discern goodness. This is the reason we live, the reason we love, and the reason that we press on no matter what. Because at the end of the day, humans are good. Damn good.

You may also enjoy reading Boundaries, Boundaries and More Boundaries: The Key to Managing Energy Vampires, by Christiane Northrup, MD

The post Good vs. Evil in the Workplace and Beyond…and What You Can Do appeared first on BEST SELF.

Meditation is a great way to calm your mind, but did you know that it is also an amazing way to help you become more productive?

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Ten years into my dream job as an English instructor, I started to experience the worst nightmare known to any teacher: Burnout.

I can’t say when exactly it started or even why; I just know that I underwent a downward spiral of where I was lacking motivation, losing my grip on creativity, and switching to autopilot. This is something no high school teacher should have to endure because in the end, the students are the ones who are short-changed. I knew had to do something fast or else turn in my resignation and go job-hunting.

That’s when a colleague and good friend pulled me aside and offered some valuable insight. “You can’t help those kids if you can’t even help yourself,” she declared. 

And she was right. My productivity and quality of instruction was not going to improve until I took the time for my own self-care.

When my wise friend recommended that, before I hang up my teaching hat, I try meditation and deep breathing. I found the idea to be ridiculous. How would I find the time? Would I have to light incense? It just all seemed too strange.

Perhaps you’ve had similar questions when taking on a new self-care practice. This is normal for anyone embarking on a lifestyle change or pondering an unfamiliar life path. But fortunately, what I discovered was that it’s fairly easy to fit meditation into a busy schedule, and it is a habit that can help take the crazy out of your daily routine while actually boosting your productivity.

Meditation is a time-honored practice that provides many positive advantages:

• A short but productive way to rejuvenate your energy
• An increased awareness and acceptance of what’s happening now
• A more mindful and gentle way to deal with conflict and issues
• An effective coping strategy to handle an overstimulated world

When I started my practice, it was really hard to stick with it — especially since I couldn’t initially see any positive changes. But as I came to learn, meditation isn’t designed to bring you immediate gratification.

Nonetheless, I was determined to become more productive and engaged in my work — if not for me, then for my students.

I told myself, If not now, then never — and then committed to doing daily mediation sessions for 2 weeks. And guess what? I ended up doing my daily practice for 2 months! People began to tell me that they saw a big difference in me, a tangible and positive change in my attitude and behavior. My students started to pay more attention in class; the more engaged I was, the more engaged they were. Win-win!

If you are tempted to start your own meditation practice as part of your self-development journey, here are some helpful tips to consider:

1. Figure Out a Routine

Determining the best time of day to practice was probably the most challenging part of getting started. Being a teacher and a single parent of young kids didn’t leave many gaps in my already hectic schedule.  I ended up experimenting with the following times:

• Early morning
• My lunch breaks
• Moments of high stress
• Immediately after work
• Just before going to sleep

Each time of day has its own benefits. Mornings are a great way to start because you’re giving yourself a good dose of positivity to start out your day. Plus, this acts as a natural energy boost and a head start into the busy day. Meditation can also help in the middle of the day when your energy seems to decrease, and stress has already taken hold of you. Evenings work out well when you’re trying to finish out strong at the end of the day, or you simply want to ‘switch gears’ into a relaxed state. Personally, I would not recommend meditating right before bed because the deep breathing and the increased awareness can disrupt your ability to get to sleep.  

2. Block Out Distractions

Once you’ve chosen a time of day that works best for you, you will need to learn to block out distractions in order to sharpen your focus. Once you develop the ability to do this, you’ll find yourself able to accomplish more tasks in the same amount of time. For one thing, you’re replacing unproductive habits — like surfing the ‘net or perusing social media — with more positive and productive ones. By leaving behind those energy-sapping habits, you’ll feel more motivated and readier to tackle the rest of the workday.

Another added benefit to this change in your routine is enhanced problem-solving abilities. Stress and negativity wreak havoc on the brain whereas meditation slows down thought processes long enough to filter in the more important details. As a result, you’ll pay more attention to the information that’s necessary for meeting your daily goals and less energy on the office politics or office gossip which can hinder your relationships with your colleagues.

3. Release Your Need For Control

How many times during your career do you feel like you are putting out fires as opposed to putting innovative ideas into action? When you meditate, you gradually learn to relinquish control over things that you can’t change so that you focus entirely on what you’re able to improve. Along the way, you can enhance your virtues of patience, perseverance, and resilience.

Your increased sense of purpose, calm and self-awareness will have you less dependent on external ‘hits’ like nicotine, sugar, refined carbs or caffeine to get you through the day. Replacing your smoke break with mediation can calm your nerves, and as this becomes a new habit, you will likely find that you don’t miss the smoking as weeks go by. The inner strength and better physical health that can be obtained through regular meditation will leave you better equipped to handle the inevitable rough patches that arise. Less sick days and more healthy habits mean more time for productivity.

4. Increase Your Willpower

A regular meditation practice can increase your willpower by leaps and bounds. That’s not to say that you won’t be tempted by old habits that made work more difficult, but you’ll find within you an inner strength that you never knew you possessed. Nonetheless, there might be times when you easily get distracted and find yourself wanting to give up on meditating.

To avoid that willpower pitfall:

• Keep trying even when you don’t want to
• Utilize some audio stimuli (a guided meditation app, soft music, or ocean sound effects)
• Count and breathe to calm your mind down
• Enlist the support of family or co-workers to help you to guard this valuable time
• Start with short meditation sessions until you build up your stamina
• Experiment with your setting or timing of your meditation practice
• Incorporate a meaningful mantra to keep your mind focused and relaxed

You may also enjoy reading Quieting the Noisy Mind: The First Step for Effective Meditation, by Cassandra Bodzak

The post Meditation is Your Best Productivity Tool appeared first on BEST SELF.

Inaction can actually yield powerful outcomes… especially when you focus on what you’re feeling rather than doing.

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Monday morning, and I am dragging my feet across the floor, sluggish and resentful. This is not me! I love to work… I love nothing more than finding clarity for what needs to be done and smashing it out and feeling accomplished and proud of how efficiently the task was delivered. But this is not how I feel today. 

Why am I not feeling myself today? Is it something I ate? Did I sleep funny? Am I angry or resentful with someone? What is holding me back today? My to-do list is long and there are plenty of things on it that I enjoy — creative things, helpful things, focused things, and many other things that radiate my true being. But today I can’t find my enthusiasm for any of them.

Something just feels off; I am out of alignment with myself. 

How many times do we feel this way and push through anyway? We tell ourselves to stop complaining or we remind ourselves that we’ve successfully pushed through this feeling before. We compare ourselves to others and what they’re achieving or at least seem to be able to accomplish. We tell ourselves that if we stay busy or keep taking action, success will find us eventually. And if it doesn’t, well at least we tried.


I can assure you that this is a mindset I am all too familiar with. Even now as I am writing this, I am guilting myself because it’s not the task that I ‘should’ be doing. I promised a client I would register on their portal and even though this is a quick task, I am procrastinating because I do not believe that this activity will help me radiate as my true being. So, instead I am procrastinating although I know if I just stopped and sat in my own space for a moment, I would be able to move through this discomfort and unease to get everything back on track.

If this situation resonates with you, I recommend you try these two things:

• Breathe — Let the chitter-chatter in your head settle down.
• Be still — Forgive and let go of it all, the expectations, judgments, and assumptions.

When I shift back into my own boots as I get out of the mud, I love to go flying instead. I love flying; there’s no better way to appreciate the bigger picture. As I’m flying up over my house, my town, my city and country, I can see the busyness, that hustle and bustle that never stops. Even now as the world has seemingly ground to a halt, I can still see the busyness everywhere. Motion triggering motions, the waves that ripple around us as people go about filling their day. And in that motion, I can see all the tiny ’tasks’, millions of them, as swarms of tiny flies crisscrossing on top of each other. And I can see the pointlessness of it all.

As I’m flying out of the city away from the busyness and over to green rolling hills, I see an eagle. Its wings are spread, and it is in the most beautiful glide as it spots its prey. The eagle has one clear focus and the skills to swoop in and achieve it. If that eagle and I traded places right now, it would probably flap around in circles, hit its head on the roof, smack into its reflection and hobble over to peck at some fluff on the carpet it thought was food. Yes, I have entirely lost my focus. Not the big picture focus — I’m quite happy with my ultimate destination and life goals that I’d like to achieve in my life.

The focus that I am missing is in the here and now. What am I going to achieve this week? Or more importantly, how would I like to feel this week?

After a decade or so of abundant self-help education, I appreciate the need to set goals, to be clear on what I want to achieve, to set my vision and chart my course. I am a change management specialist, so I understand that most models that deal with personal or professional change ask you to define where you want to be by first looking at where you are now and then deciding what actions to take to get from A to B. 


That said, I am not a fan of these models. 

If you take a bunch of actions when you’re at point A you’re going to do them with all of the same skills, experience, assumptions, and judgments that you have in your comfy couch at point A. You may take a walk around the block and pretend that you’ve landed at point B, but really, you’ve just walked around in a big exhausting circle back to point A.

Real change — transformative change — occurs when there is equal balance in your focus between where you are, where you want to be, and most importantly, all the new perspectives that will help shift you from point A to point B in a transformed state. 

This is known as the Transformation3 approach. 

Looking back at those swarming flies or the cars on the freeway, how long would they survive if they all just stopped? Not long because motion is an inherent part of living. So, how do you know when action or inaction is the best approach to help you achieve your desired outcome? 

Premature action helps us to feel busy but actually only gets us mostly from point A to point A. On the other hand, inaction creates space for us to truly see our destination from a new perspective. It also encourages us to mentally (often subconsciously) try on different ways of thinking to see what feels right, what is in alignment with how we want to feel. 


Truth be told, inaction doesn’t really exist because we’re always in motion. Even as you are consciously choosing inaction, you are allowing yourself to ‘motion’ towards your point B.

You may still be in the process of defining your point B and that’s okay — whoever truly nailed their vision board on the first attempt anyway?

Now that you’re in a beautiful space of inaction, how much have you accomplished by all the things that you have ‘stopped doing’? For most people, the default response to this question will overwhelmingly be to self-guilt. But if you want to feel peace, calm, centered, and successful, by stopping the ‘tasks’ (even if just for a little while) you allow yourself to experience the destination you have set for yourself.


Building your awareness by going deeper into all the layers and complexities of your experiences and capabilities requires you to tap into what is already a part of who you are. No action required, just acceptance of what is already there. 


Has your destination been achieved already but you failed to notice? Does your destination just look different from how you pictured it? Have you been taking action towards the wrong destination? This last one truly is the kicker; have you chosen a destination based on an assumption of how you thought it would make you feel? 

So many of us have been holding on to an ideal destination because we assumed it was right for us only to realize it wasn’t what we actually wanted at all. To avoid this…

Start by defining the feeling you want and then focus on how to get that feeling.

There are so very many reasons why we don’t get where we’re hoping to get. Perhaps you have been creating a destination based on something unachievable or unattainable. Rather than opting for busyness, try inaction instead. 

As for my sluggish start to the week, I realized that I want to feel like I’ve helped some people. Maybe writing this article hits the spot, or perhaps completing that annoying task for my client will open a door I had previously failed to see. Perhaps, I’ll ignore the to-do list altogether and help myself to some tea and a slice of fruit cake as I spend some time reflecting on the past achievements that I was too busy to notice (or appreciate) at the time. Either way, my inaction has allowed me to feel fabulous, motivated, and truly back in alignment with myself. 

You may also enjoy Interview: Brendon Burchard | Live, Love, Matter, by Kristen Noel

The post Tired of Just Doing? Embrace Inaction as an Opportunity to Realign Your Goals appeared first on BEST SELF.

Navigating a new job can be an exciting adventure but can also feel overwhelming and unclear; here are a few tangible tips to ensure a successful transition

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Starting a new job is an exciting time for any professional — so many new opportunities and experiences to explore! As exciting as this life change may be, embarking on the right path in your new position can be daunting and unclear. While mistakes are a natural part of life, you’ll want to avoid common pitfalls in a new job. Although some may seem unavoidable, there are things you can do to avoid these common mistakes and increase your chances of success at your new job.

Start by considering these factors:

Culture

It is critically important to understand the culture of your workplace. Ideally, this awareness started during the interview process; however, this can become more refined once you start in the new role at your new organization by observing the dynamic between employees and employers. Understanding what drives the work, what motivates employees and managers, and how work is approached can help you to better understand how you fit into the company. Whether your workplace prioritizes a flexible, adaptable culture or an hierarchical organizational culture, is critical to know what success looks like, how performance is evaluated, and what levels of formality are appropriate in your workplace.

Professionalism

Professionalism is one area that many new employees get wrong. Showing up on time, being courteous of other team members’ time, addressing conversations politely, and working diligently are all important aspects of professionalism. Make a mental note of what professionalism appears like during your interview(s) to avoid a negative first impression. Since this can vary slightly between offices and departments, air on the side of being a bit too professional rather than unprofessional.

Attitude

The attitude that you bring to your workplace is another critical component of succeeding at your new job. To make a positive and lasting impression on your new manager and team, approach your job with an open mind and an inquisitive interest in understanding your new colleagues’ workstyles. Don’t be the person who shows up to work tired and negative. Instead, reframe your attitude to appear friendly, approachable, and willing to pitch in where needed. Embrace the newness of your job and the exciting opportunities that you find yourself in with a smile and a positive can-do attitude.

Attire

What you wear to work can be a big indicator of your professionalism and dedication to the job. Dressing down in a formal office setting can leave you looking out of place and unmotivated. The reality is that you are being assessed in your new job daily, and dressing the part is an important piece of that. Since appropriate attire can vary significantly between industries and organizations, pay attention to what is the norm at your new job. If your office is formal, wear a suit, but if everyone wears jeans and button-down shirts, don’t show up in a full suit. Much like other factors of fitting in at your new job, you can assess quite a bit of the atmosphere of your new work through the interview. If you are truly unsure, you can ask before your first day what the expectation is about your attire so that you can physically fit in from the start.

Goals

Setting goals in a new job is a great way to demonstrate that you have a vision. These set milestones and checkpoints will also show when you have achieved success. Whether you evaluate yourself daily or monthly, tracking your progress and identifying areas where there is room for improvement will only benefit your performance and your skill-building. While your goals should be ambitious, ensure that they are specific, measurable, and attainable. By evaluating the job with your supervisor and setting appropriate goals for your growth and development, you can ensure that you will be a star employee in no time.

Initiative 

A new employee who shows initiative and effort speaks volumes to their character and work ethic. It is critical to put in substantial effort with a new job, as you only make a first impression once. While it should go without saying, you do not want to be the new person who everyone is questioning why you were hired. By stepping up to take initiative, you can show that you are motivated and excited to be a team player. While taking on new tasks, be careful not to step on toes as you learn the written or unwritten rules within the organization. Done right, effort and initiative are ways to make you stand out in a crowded field and garner you positive recognition.

Mentorship

Mentorship can be extremely beneficial to the development of your career. This is especially true when you step into a new position or company. To establish meaningful mentoring relationships, it is important to ask questions and seek help from those you look up to in your workplace. Take time to build connections with your bosses and coworkers and adopt habits that you would like to emulate in your own work. By creating these connections, you can better understand the nuances of your new organization. You also are creating an ally with someone who can help guide you along the way and hold you accountable to the goals you set for yourself. 

Follow a few of these suggestions and you will be sure to thrive, bringing your best self to the job!

You may also enjoy Podcast: Shawn Wells | Against All Odds by Best Self Media

The post How to Successfully Transition to a New Job appeared first on BEST SELF.

Want to discover how your personality type can help you become your best self? Then it’s time to learn more about Enneagrams!

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For centuries, people have turned to mystical methods and divinations in their path to self-discovery. From astrology to numerology, humans have been seeking ways to help them better understand themselves and the world. A recent trend in self-discovery is the Enneagram of Personality.

The Enneagram is a test-based methodology involving a balance of points within a geometric shape. Inside the shape are intersecting lines that create nine equidistant points on the perimeter of the circle. These points represent the nine different personality types that can be used to boost your mood, plan your day, and even find a soulmate. 

Although it is possible to possess multiple types of personalities, the main traits and characteristics that will guide you towards your best self are found in your dominant personality type which determines how you are with other people and how you interact with yourself.

There are two parts to the dominant personality: the Grower and the Stressor.

The Grower is the part of you that challenges and supports yourself. The Stressor is the part that limits and restricts you. The Enneagram model is designed to help you move towards your Grower and away from your Stressor.

Each of the nine Enneagram personality types also has a corresponding flower associated with it. Once you have identified your personality type, you can use your flower type to spread positivity and happiness in your life and around your home.

To find out which personality type you are, take this test: Enneagram of Personality. Use what you learn to dive deep into yourself in order to grow into the best self that you are meant to be.

The 9 Personality Types:

1. The Reformer 

The Reformer is the first personality type of the Enneagram. If you are a reformer, you might be a perfectionist, as they are known to be principled, purposeful and have great self-control. A Reformer who has found their best self is typically wise and discerning. They are motivated by their fear of becoming corrupt and often look to be right by setting high goals. 

The flower associated with Reformers are asters, which represent wisdom and devotion. 

2. The Helper

Helpers are generous, people-pleasing, and possessive. They are empathetic people who mean well and many times do things solely for the benefit of other people. Helpers desire to be loved and fear being thought of as selfish. If you are a helper, you can grow and find your best self by learning to take care of yourself before you love others. 

Helpers should plant sunflowers which can grow taller than people and are a beautiful sight that symbolizes a loyal and selfless spirit. 

3. The Achiever

If you are an Achiever then you are probably adaptable, ambitious, energetic, and image conscious. Since you thrive on the attention of others and have a fear of being worthless, an Achiever has the ability to be a role model and inspire others. To find your best self, make sure to be honest with those around you, as this will help you earn their respect. 

Tulips are a great flower for Achievers because they represent beauty and confidence.  

4. The Individualist

Individualists are often expressive, dramatic, and self-absorbed. If you are an individualist, you can be creative and know how to transform an experience. You can also be moody and temperamental at times, but that is because you fear losing identity. To find your best self, an individualist shouldn’t let your mood dictate your experiences. 

Hydrangeas are matched with Individualists because they represent understanding and emotion. 

5. The Investigator

The Investigator is someone who is typically perceptive, secretive, and isolated. Investigators often get caught up in their thoughts and can be a little intense, but they are also very innovative. If you are an investigator, you can find your best self by keeping in touch with people to avoid the fear of being useless or incompetent.

Investigators are daydreamers, so their flower is the peony, which represents romance and prosperity. Put this flower in your home to spice things up or find a new path.

6. The Loyalist 

Loyalists are engaging and responsible people who tend to be self-reliant. They can also be very anxious and suspicious at times due to their desire to feel secure and supported. When they feel like they lack guidance in their lives they tend to have challenges. Loyalists can find their best self by using their anxiety as a catalyst for new ideas and hobbies. 

Loyalists are often cautious and indecisive, so their flower is a daisy which represents innocence and purity. 

7. The Enthusiast

Enthusiasts are versatile, spontaneous, and easily distractible because they are high-spirited and playful. Their focus is on being happy and appreciated so they can sometimes seem childlike. If you are an Enthusiast, you can find your best self by learning to recognize your impulses without giving into them. This will help you build self-control and stability. 

Enthusiasts have a flower that represents beauty, innocence and admiration of life: orchids. Just like Enthusiasts, orchids bring happiness to any room they enter.

8. The Challenger

Challengers are confident, decisive, and confrontational. They are not afraid to speak their minds and tend to be straightforward and can even be inspiring with their powerful manners. If you are a Challenger, find your best self by motivating others to use their strengths rather than dominating them with yours. 

The gladiolus flower is perfect for Challengers because it represents strength, integrity and confidence. 

9. The Peacemaker

Peacemakers are receptive, agreeable, and reassuring. In order to keep the peace, they will often not speak up, even if they know they should. They also use their fear of losing loved ones as an incentive to keep things in order. If you are a Peacekeeper, the way to develop your best self is to work on satisfying your own needs. 

A Peacekeeper’s flower is the lilac, which represents tranquility and relaxation. 

You may also enjoy reading Millenneagram: A Badass Twist on an Ancient Tool of Self Discovery by Hannah Paasch

The post How to Use Enneagrams to Find Your Best Self appeared first on BEST SELF.

Success is created, not found, so pay attention to the seemingly small and insignificant choices that you make on a daily basis — one step at a time

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What is ‘overnight success’, and how do you get it?

Personally, I believe that there is no such thing as having overnight success. Rather, I believe that the small actions we take every day add up to the point where they eventually tip the scales to the big win. Put another way…

The compound effect of what we may perceive as our insignificant daily actions have the potential to add up to a big mountain of success. 

Some of us are waiting for the big win — waiting for the book deal or waiting to get discovered. Or we look at other people’s success stories and assume they had it easy or got lucky. But that is rarely how success actually works.

Fortunately, there is a method to creating success — it is simply by showing up every day and putting in the work. This means being willing to trade instant gratification for the long-term, compound effect. You might not get recognition for showing up in small ways every day, but because you do that diligently, it adds up and eventually you will get to the big win.

Here is another truth: Big wins are made up of small wins and big fails are made up of small fails.

If you work out for 10 minutes every day, that will add up. If you have a bite of a cookie every day, that will also add up over time. Will you notice results the day after the action (or inaction)? Or even the week after? Probably not. But the compound effect of skipping the bite of the cookie or working out for 10 minutes every day for a year will be significant. These little insignificant daily choices might not seem important — what harm are you really doing if you skip something once or twice? But it is this series of small daily choices, especially the ones that go beyond our hunger for immediate award and recognition, that combine to help us start looking at our lives differently. 

When you take a snapshot of your day and evaluate all the choices you’ve made, what would the compounded result be if you were to make those same choices every day? If your brain tells you that the choices that you made today are insignificant, consider the impact when you multiply it by 365. 

What is the compound effect of your actions — positive or negative? 

“I only check social media for ten minutes a day for a quick mental break.” No big deal… until you multiply that by 365. If you wrote one page daily for a full year, you’d have a 365-page book. But most people, if asked, would firmly state they have no time to write a book. And that’s true for choices you make regarding your health, your relationships, and everything else you do. Having a weekly date night with your partner, reading a story to your toddler before bed — it all adds up and it matters. 

I believe one of the secrets to success is taking a small daily step and multiplying it over the course of 6 or 12 months. That’s how you really create what you want (or don’t want) to have in your life. Conversely, when you look at your day as if it doesn’t matter what you do because it’s too insignificant to make a difference, you miss out on the opportunity for that positive compound effect.

The most common analogy for this concept is compound interest with money. If you save $5 a day, it seems too insignificant to make a difference, but over several decades it will result in a substantial amount of savings.

The best part is that it isn’t linear. After a certain amount of time, there is a tipping point where the effect compounds so intensely that the result is far beyond the sum of each deposited action.

Just like the compound interest on money you invest is greater than the sum of money invested, and your money continues to grow with no further investment on your part.

There are rarely instant successes, but I invite you to look at your day and think about what you are creating with all your little decisions. What is the compound effect for you? Awareness is the first step, so start by tracking the choices you make every day. The hardest part is having patience for the long game and delaying the appeal of instant gratification. Willpower alone is not the answer because willpower is limited, so it gets depleted. 

Success is built from the small choices that you make every day. Make yours wisely!

You may also enjoy reading Moonshot Magic: Declaring & Committing to Something Extraordinary by Amy Elizabeth Gordon

The post The Compound Effect: The One Sure Path to Success appeared first on BEST SELF.

If you want to increase your chances of happiness and success, start by making different choices around your habits and beliefs around money

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Have you ever said, “If I only had more money, then I could or would do this…”? 

Don’t get me wrong — having money can certainly make creating things easier and faster. But at some point, just about everyone is guilty of blaming a lack of action, happiness, creativity, or success on not having enough money. It’s as if having more money would solve all the problems of life. But is this necessarily true? 

From one perspective, money may enable success or happiness. But the truth is that money is not the source of your success or happiness; it is the byproduct. Since you are the actual source of your success and happiness, when you see money as the solution, it drastically narrows your options. 

This limited thinking automatically blocks you from looking for other more expansive ways to create what you wish to experience. 

You are left feeling stagnant, the opposite of what you want to create, the success you desire.

I grew up in a financially conservative, middle-class family. While my family wasn’t poor or destitute, I heard, “No we can’t” plenty of times. As a result, I learned other ways to create or get what I desired. 

As I became an adult and started my own business, I kept looking for other ways of doing things. What I realized is that I never stopped or gave up and that is what made me different. If there was something I desired, I kept moving or taking actions towards it. I didn’t let not having the money stop me from taking action to create what I wanted. Now when I work with clients, I notice that many of them stop themselves before they have even started on their road to success. Why? A fear about money. 

To avoid using money as a roadblock to your own success, here are some tips to consider:

1. What would make you happy and feel successful?

The largest impediment to creating success or happiness is our inability to be clear on what we really desire. Success and happiness are different for everyone, so you need to be clear if you want to hit your target. This may change or evolve as you start taking action (which brings us to tip #2).  

2. Take action

Go after the things you are most often thinking about.

You may not know all the steps required to get where you would like to go, but the only way you find out is by making choices that move you forward.

As you can gain more information and clarity around how you can create what you desire, force yourself to take action on the things you are resisting. Do the things you know you ought to be handling, whether it be updating your bookkeeping, making that call, or sending that email. When you resist doing things you know you should, you create your own roadblocks to your success. The things you are avoiding and resisting eat away at your energy and happiness. They are an anchor that weighs you down mentally and physically.  

3. Follow your gut instincts

Many top entrepreneurs and leaders acknowledge the importance of following their instincts, even if it doesn’t always make sense at the time. If something feels right, do it; if it doesn’t, don’t. Taking risks is an element in creation and life. When I first graduated chiropractic school, I got a job as an associate doctor. In a short time, I realized it wasn’t for me because I knew I wouldn’t be happy coming to the same place day after day, week after week. I knew that I wanted to travel and facilitate classes. Even though this choice didn’t make sense, I eventually accepted it as my truth and  gave notice.

Remember: Happiness doesn’t have to be logical.

4. Acknowledge your ingrained beliefs about money

Do you think people have to ‘deserve money’ by working a certain way, or a certain number of hours each week? Do you believe, deep down, that you don’t actually deserve to ever have what you really want? Do you somehow equate wealth with greed? Improving your money situation doesn’t have to mean making any major or difficult changes. Simply acknowledging your points of view around money allows you to begin to change them. Ask yourself: “What does money mean to me?” Then write down what comes up for you. Now ask yourself if there is another way to look at money. When you enlarge your perspective about money, you open a pathway to new possibilities. That’s when you allow yourself to become aware of financial solutions that were not previously visible.  

5. Explore other ways 

There are an infinite number of ways to create whatever it is you desire. So instead of using lack of money or any other excuse to stop you, start exploring alternative ways to create the success you want. If you’d like to earn more money, what are other ways of generating more income? How can you monetize your skills, talents, or hobbies that can provide value for others? Is there a new service you can provide to current clients or a creative collaboration with others? If you would like to go on a trip or purchase something you don’t currently have the money for, consider alternative ways to find it for a reduced price, such as purchasing it a time of year when it is reduced in value. From my personal and professional experience, I have found that when you start looking for other ways to create your happiness, you will find them.

You may also enjoy Podcast: Jim Brown | True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning by Best Self Media

The post Is Money Your Excuse For Failure? appeared first on BEST SELF.

If you want to transform your business, transform your mental approach from mindset to mindflow, embracing the natural order of change

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Can one word truly transform your business? 

If you are an entrepreneur, chances are you’ve been in seemingly impossible situations where everyone you ask for help tells you the same thing: Change your mindset. It is a common belief that every successful business is based on a winning mindset. 

Friends, I am here to tell you that your mindset is not the solution to your problems, it is the cause. 

Although we like to consider ourselves rational beings, what really drives the choices we make and the actions we take is our limbic system. Not the what of things, but the why of things. The emotional response we can’t explain in words — “I dunno, it’s just a feeling I get” — is what really drives the show. This is what truly connects us with others and governs our behavior. 

That’s why if you want to create a business that is responsive, sustainable, dynamic, and future-focused, it’s important to embrace thinking that is fluid, not static. Rather than being settled or fixed, try to be attentive, engaged, responsive, and adaptive. 

That means constantly flowing into where you are right now, so you can tap into not what you know, but into what you don’t know.

To have a supple, dynamic, rooted business that engages in a supported and powerful way, learn to let go of mind ‘set’ and instead engage with mind ‘flow’. Be open to redefining the mind as the whole sum everything that compels us to choose and act — that includes our bodies, brains, emotions, and  communities. Together, these things combine to determine how we receive a flow of information, process it, and let it flow on its way downriver.

What does this mindflow look or feel like? 

Imagine the information you receive gently flowing in as the warm midday sun glitters on its rippling waves. Your mindbank gently holds the information as it flows along, while allowing the information to shape it, even as it shapes the information. Thoughts occasionally leap out of the information like flying fish and leaping bullfrogs, and sometimes the flow bumps up and over unseen rocks and twigs in the flowbed. Sometimes the mindflow twists and turns, and sometimes it eddies into pools. Far off into the distance it continues on downriver, under the heavy hanging boughs of the willow trees, accompanied only by the sound of the late summer cicadas.

And you, sitting on the bank, shaded by a green tree with your shoes off and your legs stretched out along the soft warm green grass, feeling so relaxed that you almost fall asleep.

That’s when you are open to having an a-ha moment of inspiration that transforms the way you approach your business and the universe forever. 

That is your mindflow in action.

You may also enjoy reading Finding Greater Meaning in Life Through Mindfulness, Stillness & Single Tasking by David Richards.

The post Goodbye Mindset, Hello Mindflow: A Simple Shift to Transform Your Business appeared first on BEST SELF.

Learning to reframe how you see your ‘failures’ will open up avenues of success that you imagined were only possible for others

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What is failure and why do we want to avoid it at all costs?

The definition of failure is: “The omission of an expected or required action.” We avoid failure because we associate it with shame, discomfort, and even more importantly, we associate it with what we think it says about us — that we are not good enough, smart enough, capable enough…. 

What many of us do to avoid failure is we just stop expecting and trying, a surefire way to never fail, but also to never succeed.

We stay within our comfort zone as we keep recycling the same life. But what happens when you stop putting yourself out there for fear of failing is that you end up not feeling alive anymore. 

Many of my clients who find themselves in this predicament tell me that they are tired of being hurt and feeling fragile. They say they can’t find a romantic partner, a job they love, or achieve their weight loss goals. They feel disillusioned by life and then try to escape their feelings by engaging in the unhealthy behaviors they want to avoid in the first place, a vicious cycle which ultimately reinforces their belief that nothing will ever change for them. 

Research scientists have found that we tend to overestimate the length or intensity of major events in our lives (both positive or negative) which leads us to majorly overestimate the effect and intensity of failure. A potentially negative outcome makes us a lot less likely to take risks to pursue dreams where the outcome is uncertain.

A favorite quote reminds me of a basic truth: “No comfort in the learning zone, no learning in the comfort zone.” 

I teach my clients that we are the ones who decide both what failure means to us and how we will feel when it happens. By that I mean that when you set out to do something, and you have an expectation of the result that doesn’t play out as you thought, YOU still get to decide what that ‘failure’ signifies. 

If you decide it means that you are not smart enough, you will experience a negative emotion. Conversely, if you decide to see this as a learning experience to grow and improve the next time, then you will experience a positive feeling which doesn’t make you want to avoid failure and might even make you look forward to it.

You have full control of which mindset you choose. 

To choose the positive option, set yourself up for success by telling yourself: “I’m going to go out there and try to do this new thing. There is a chance that I’m not going to meet my expectation. I’m going to fail, and possibly more than once. When I fail, I’m going to have my own back. I’m going to treat myself with respect. I’m going to use that as an opportunity to learn. I will refuse to say mean things to myself, to beat myself up, or to quit.” 

Another favorite quote says, “If you want success, you need to double your rate of failure.”

Imagine if a baby learning how to walk stopped trying because he or she kept falling and ‘failing’? But by seeing this process as an opportunity to learn, they allow themselves to get strong enough to walk on their own. 

As adults, allow yourself the grace to not be perfect the first time you try something new. Give yourself  permission to start, to be messy, and to make progress at your own rate. As you do so, remember that self-doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

You may also enjoy reading Against All Odds: A Story of Triumph, Perseverance, Healing and Service, by Shawn Wells

The post Shifting the Mindset of Failure Can Set Yourself Up to Succeed appeared first on BEST SELF.

Financial stability does not come without intentional practice. If it’s time to get a better handle on the state of your finances, start with these 4 habits

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It’s the beginning of a new decade; a time to welcome refreshing routines, motivation, and the exciting potential to make this year one of our best yet. Unfortunately, a downside to setting lofty goals for the new year is that we struggle to follow through when the initial excitement fades in the coming weeks. Studies predict that a majority of people who set resolutions will actually give up on them by the end of January… less than one month in! This failure ends up causing stress, regret, and little motivation to pick it back up and try again.

As you might have guessed, saving money, or improving the overall state of your finances, is one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions (along with exercising more and eating healthier). That is understandable given that many of us don’t take into consideration the added anxiety and pressure that our finances have on our daily decisions and way of life. If you can relate to this, consider welcoming this new year with more sustainable habits that you can stick to and build upon throughout the course of the year. 

4 Sustainable Habits For Improving Your Financial Picture This Year

Develop and Stick to Routine

If you’re looking to achieve a new goal, especially something like creating a savings account or building a retirement fund, you need a plan to get you going and keep you on track. A great way to do this is by designing a routine that fits into your life and is simple to follow. Routines are easy to build but also easy to break if they don’t work or they’re not convenient. To avoid this, take into consideration the things you like to do every day and factor these into your new habit.

Action To Try:
Schedule a new habit before an enjoyable activity that you do regularly. For example, if you like to read or watch tv before bed, first schedule a 5-10-minute review of your bank account status and weekly purchases. If you prefer reviewing your account status via your mobile devices, sign up for an online mobile banking account. Mobile banking is convenient and a good way to keep track of your finances at all times.

Spend Less Than You Earn

Forming a new habit begins with changing your mindset and mental approach to this new challenge. 

We live in a society where we tend to always want more and are rarely satisfied with what we already have. This can create a lot of pressure around spending and making money to pay for the latest technology, grand homes, a flexible working schedule — all while still being able to participate in every possible social invitation. The reality is, for most of us, this way of life is neither affordable nor sustainable.

Action To Try:
Do something good for your wallet by learning to differentiate your wants and needs and then prioritizing what is important to you. Feel free to regularly reevaluate and redefine your priority list as your life circumstances alter and develop over time. Once you realize what your required expenses are and put any leftover money towards activities you want to participate in, you will have less guilt, more happiness, and more opportunities to save money for things that are actually on your priority list that month. 

Plan for Large Purchases

It’s common to feel stressed or nervous prior to making a large purchase. This is due to the fact that there is often a lot of time and research put into these purchases that are often difficult, or at least inconvenient, to return. Since stress can lead to rash financial-related decisions not in your best interest, take time to plan out your big purchases to make sure they fit in your budget and align with your monthly goals. 

Action To Try:
Make a list of some of the major purchases you want or need to make for the month. Next, create a priority list by numbering each thing from most to least important. Although a new bed sounds like a great investment since you’re sure you’ll have it for years to come, you might have to prioritize fixing your bathroom shower this month instead. Place this list on your refrigerator or copy it down in your agenda to further motivate you to save up for your next big purchase.

Focus on Small Wins

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the financial goals you’ve set for yourself, or you find yourself avoiding spending money and pinching every penny because you fear that you might not reach your goals, it might be time to revisit your approach to goal setting.

The habits you’re building should be sustainable while still allowing you to do the things you love without feeling guilty.

To achieve this, set a few goals you will actually be able to master. If that seems to easy, then go ahead and challenge yourself more if you feel it’s appropriate. 

Action To Try:
Commit to setting a certain amount of money aside each month to be used toward a major purchase, a vacation, a renovation, a celebration, or any of your goals that require additional funding. This is an easy and inspirational way to see your savings grow. It is also a great overall budgeting practice that will teach you discipline. After you get used to this practice, it will start to feel easier. It will also help you to build your financial confidence once you see your intentions being put into action. 

You may also enjoy reading Money vs. Wealth: 5 Tenets for Creating True Prosperity by Moira Bramley

The post New Year, New Opportunity to Develop Responsible Financial Habits appeared first on BEST SELF.

Being wealthy means more than just having money; it means shifting your mindset to embrace creativity, possibility, generosity, and gratitude

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We all imagine that we are choosing to have money, but is that true? If you are trying to make more money, if you are making it but aren’t keeping it, or if you have all the money you need but your life still seems empty, you may need to seek wealth instead of money.

The choice to have money is the beginning of becoming wealthy. 

As a wealth creation coach, investor and facilitator for the global Access Consciousness® Wealth Creators program, my own life journey has taken me from the depths of poverty to the luxury of substantial affluence. I still maintain, however, that all the riches in the world cannot fulfil you if you don’t understand the true spirit of wealth.

Growing up in a mining town in Scotland, we were so poor I had holes in the soles of my shoes. I walked three kilometers to school with plastic bags over my socks to keep my feet dry. When I was 10, I watched the film Oliver and realized that transformation was possible. That’s when I started making choices to ensure a different future for myself. 

At the age of 14, I started to make my own money by picking potatoes. At 15, I met my now ex-husband, and we began to create a different life together. By my late twenties, we had become millionaires and continued to create riches and luxury. But even with millions in the bank, something was missing from my life. I felt like I was dying inside. I also felt that I had a ‘poverty of being’ that could not be satiated by ‘things.’ 

Having been both a poor child and an affluent woman, I realized that wealth requires so much more than just money — it requires a wealth of being.

That’s why I call wealth the ‘energy of creation’. 

We tell ourselves so many stories about what it means to have (or not have) money. We convince ourselves that rich people are greedy and selfish; that if you have money you will have to share it; that you won’t be able to say no to people; that you’ll have to make responsible choices… yes, the list is endless. Yet every time we believe one of these stories, we diminish ourselves. We also stop ourselves from being a leader who uses both their wealth and money to make a difference in the world.

On my own journey from poverty to presence, I have learned that to be truly rich with plenty of money, you have to first learn to be wealthy. 

Here are 5 tenets for experiencing true wealth:

Be Grateful

Imagine everything you have being instantly taken away. What would you miss? Are you grateful for those things every day? Or do you complain about what you don’t have? The first choice is a wealthy way of being; the second creates poverty.

Too often, people focus on what they don’t have instead of what they do. But gratitude is an essential element of creating wealth. Even though growing up we sometimes had little food and slept in a freezing-cold house, I was always grateful for the small things. I enjoyed the walk to school; I was grateful I had legs; I was grateful I could feel nature on my skin. The more gratitude I expressed, the more everything started to change for me. But gratitude goes beyond writing in a gratitude journal. It is about being fully present with what you have and having joy for its presence in your life. 

Be Conscious of Abundance

I always knew I would create a more abundant life. I had no hesitation in asking for more or choosing to follow the path I knew would create a greater future for myself. To create a reality where I was no longer poor, I first had to remove the mindset that I was poor.

By changing my point of view, I invited a different set of choices that allowed my life to become more and more abundant.

The simplest way to change your energy from ‘not having’ to ‘having’ is to ask yourself three questions that open up energies of possibility and make way for different choices: 

• What can I receive today? 
• Is it possible for me to have that too? 
• What else can I ask for?

The point of asking these questions is not to seek an answer, but to be open to receiving what you may never have noticed before. Wealth never shows up how you think it will!

Be Tenacious 

All of my life I committed myself to creating the wealth I knew was possible. I also have lived by the mantra: ‘never give up, never give in, never quit’.

Being determined to change your situation is a direct result of your willingness to live a greater life. The more you have to live for, the easier it is to keep going. Whenever you’re on the edge of quitting, ask yourself: “What else is possible that I’ve never imagined could be possible?” Then allow yourself to make different choices. 

Every new choice creates a different future… and it’s never linear!

Be Generous of Spirit

To invite more money into your life, become more generous. Who you are is the catalyst for what you can have. As you are more, you receive more, contribute more, and can have more. This is the true magic of being wealthy. If you keep everything as if that is all you can have, you limit the creative momentum that could be available to you.

When you make choices from an energy of wealth, you create greater possibilities.

One day when I was young, a man in a pub heard that we didn’t have any food for Christmas lunch, so he left a hamper of food on our doorstep. He had 10 children of his own and couldn’t really afford to do this, which made his generosity even more of a life-changing moment for me. This example of a generosity of spirit is a key component of the spirit of wealth. To become wealthier in spirit, ask yourself where you can be generous. There’s always an opportunity to show up for someone, to share something with others — ways to be generous that go beyond an exchange of money. 

Be Willing To Enjoy Money

When I was 14, I befriended a girl from a middle-class family. Our friendship totally changed my life. They had a TV and a telephone. They took me to restaurants and the zoo and took me on Sunday drives. This was the energy I knew I wanted in my life, so I started inviting it into my life.

Being wealthy means knowing you can — and do — create your possibilities. How you think impacts your reality. Whatever you put your focus on is what you will end up with. If you are operating from need and lack, that is what will show up. If you keep saying “I can’t get more money”, then that is what will happen. If you judge money, it can’t show up for you, but if you enjoy money, you invite it to become your reality. 

You may also enjoy reading True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning by Jim Brown

The post Money vs. Wealth: 5 Tenets for Creating True Prosperity appeared first on BEST SELF.

Despite a life of upheaval and constant change, one resilient and positive woman was able to transform herself into a vibrant leader

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When I was 7 years old, my family’s future was changed forever when the Iranian revolution hit. 

My father, an executive director of a textile company, was a target of those who opposed the Shah and his ministry. In less than 24 hours and with just 3 suitcases, my mother, two sisters and I, boarded an airplane to France with no clue of what the future held. My father stayed behind to take care of his employees but had to go into hiding for his own safety. Unfortunately, it did not take long for the government to use his remaining family as a way to bring him in and send him to prison. When this happened, his whole life was seized — money, properties, and business — and the life we knew vanished.

Growing up, I was a naturally happy, yet quiet, child who observed and absorbed everything around me. I admired my dad’s business acumen as he brought commerce to rural areas of Iran, built factories and subsidized housing, created jobs for locals so they could send their children abroad to gain MBAs and become leaders in their communities. But with his livelihood and our home now gone, I understood we had to create something different. 

When we arrived in Nice, France, my sisters and I entered a boarding school where the kids were much older than me and my younger sister. While my mother searched for a new home for us, I recall thinking I had two choices: Stay inside, hiding from others, or get to know as many people as possible despite not knowing when I would leave again. 

I chose the latter because even then, I knew life was something to be celebrated and I was determined to find out how. 

By a miracle, my father was released from Iranian custody after some months and joined us in France. When I was 11, we relocated to Los Angeles, where my dad built a successful business supporting the retail sector. However, after five natural disasters in as many years, we endured significant losses and were again forced to rebuild.

A devastating earthquake also hit LA shortly after I got married, expediting our move to the East Coast, and altering my plans to go to Medical School. Add to that colicky twin girls, growing debts, and a pending divorce, and again I was facing an unpredictable future for me and my daughters.  

I started by getting clear on how much money I needed to prosper…

Enough to pay off the debts of yesterday and the bills of today. Enough to take care of myself and the twins while leaving room for the future, including college funds. 

I went to a recruitment firm to apply for healthcare jobs. My first interview was so successful that the recruitment consultant approached me, suggesting I consider a job as a recruiter in the tech industry. It could pay a lot more, and even though it wasn’t my background, the skills I had were very aligned to this career path. The only catch was that the job on offer was based on 100% commission! This was a far cry from the guaranteed income I’d set out to secure, but I knew my work habits and knew I would do whatever was required to make enough money to support my family. 

After asking my parents if they would loan me money if I really needed it (I never did), I put my negotiating skills to the test with my prospective employer. They agreed to pay me a salary for the first three months of the job, just enough to cover my bills until I was up to speed and earning commissions.

Greater than the risks, I saw the possibilities. It didn’t occur to me to feel intimidated about learning a new field or working in a male-dominated sector.

To me, being different — a woman with a unique perspective — was an advantage and a way to stand out and eventually succeed.

Watching my father lose and create money multiple times and being in a family that leaped into the unknown and thrived, helped me to discover my own determination to make the most of whatever was in front of me. This became the basis for the leadership perspective I embody today as a resilient leader, someone who can lead without having to live through earthquakes and revolutions!

Here are five takeaways from my journey that can also help you create greater success and joy in your life:

1. You are your own creative force

No matter my financial or personal situation, I’ve always recognized that I am the creative force in my life. I can always create more by simply taking action and seeking it out. I knew from watching my family rebuild itself that making choices today would lead me to a greater future. The questions I ask continually are… 

“What do I need to do now to create the future I desire and know is possible? What can I choose today that will allow my tomorrow to be greater?”

When you recognize that you are the creative force and source in your own life, things such as money, homes, and livelihoods can only go away temporarily. If you have you, you have everything you need to create anything you desire.

2. Embrace life as an adventure

By choosing to embrace life in France as an adventure, I chose a path of possibilities. Hiding away and limiting my experiences made no sense to my 7-year-old self… and it still doesn’t as an adult. Why live trying to avoid risks, problems and potential roadblocks, things which only will cause anxiety and stress as you try to control the uncontrollable? It’s more fun and more expansive to live life as an adventure and allow unpredictability to be a springboard for infinite possibilities.

The greatest possibilities you have are always just beyond your imagination or ability to think or figure things out. I embrace going beyond the limits of my mind by asking:

“What else is possible here I have never considered? What choices do I have that I don’t even know I have yet?”

Every choice you make — no matter how little — creates your future. I learned to look at what my choices would create in my life: “Will this choice create more or less for me?” I have learned to trust and follow my instincts. If I’m unsure, I just choose and find out what happens. If it doesn’t work out, at least I know more now as I make my next choice. 

3. Nurture yourself and your body

Early on in my tech career, I worked so much that I hardly saw my daughters. I knew this wasn’t sustainable and needed to change. When I committed to nurturing myself more, opportunities to support that instantly presented themselves. I found a new job with better hours and more money.  I also began listening to the niggles in my body — pain, stiffness, mind-fog, stress. I noticed that when I chose to do something joyful and rejuvenating for my body in response, relaxation and inspiration came flooding in! Creating and innovating in business became easier because I was happier and more vibrant.

Have you ever heard the saying: Money follows joy? 

So much more is possible when we include joy into our existence and remember that force and struggle aren’t necessary. Imagine what more you would be capable of if you allowed yourself to be more joyful and ease-filled!

4. Stay curious 

No matter how much or how little you start with, expanding your world and creating a greater tomorrow is always possible. The easiest way to grow and expand is to be curious and ask questions. When you do this, you will notice that there is always more to know, more people to talk to, more to discover. 

My favorite questions for expanding my awareness of possibilities in life and business are these:

• Where can I put my attention and resources today that will create more now and in the future?
• Where can I go and who can I talk to who can contribute to it becoming even greater?
• What else is possible with this that I’ve not considered before?
• What choices will benefit me, my business, and my family to get where I truly desire to go?

5. Never give up, never stop, never quit

I learned a mantra from Access Consciousness many years ago that I love: 

“All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory.” 

It is a brilliant reminder that whatever is going on — good, bad, or ugly — ease, joy and glory are always available. For me, ‘glory’ is about the exuberance, gratitude, and celebration for all I have and can choose, even in dark or intense times. It is this perspective that has allowed me to be most resilient and never give up. 

Sure, there will be ups and down in life that you can’t control. But how you allow them to influence you is totally your choice. Possibilities don’t end just because the unexpected, unplanned, or even undesired shows up; they only end when we stop seeking them. 

Becoming a refugee early in life started me on the journey to become the leader, entrepreneur and facilitator of empowerment that I enjoy being today. I am grateful for every question I’ve asked and every choice I’ve made along the way. Together, they’ve shown me that no matter what, there is always a light, always a way forward, always a greater future… if you are willing to choose it.

You may also enjoy reading How To Enhance Your Wellbeing Through Balance and Non-Negotiables by Dena Argryopolou

The post From Refugee to Revival: A Journey of Resilience & Abundance & 5 Principles to Live By appeared first on BEST SELF.

With the rising threats of climate change, pollution and social injustice, it’s urgent that businesses and consumers adopt more sustainable practices

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As we head into 2020, it’s becoming more and more important for consumers and brands to make sustainable choices. Many scientists believe that we are already in the midst of a global disaster. If the government, big companies, and individuals don’t make strides to help the environment, there will be irreversible damage done to the earth in just a few years. 

Conscious living for individuals can lead to a healthier lifestyle, but its important to consume from brands that have the same values.

No matter if you’re an entrepreneur or a Fortune 500 company, you should be adopting a sustainable business plan. Below are a handful of companies that are doing it right and allowing the consumer to make easy and green decisions they can feel good about. 

Sustainability is important when it comes to the items that we need for everyday use. From contacts to clothing, a customer should have an option to buy every essential item from an environmentally and socially responsible brand. 

Activewear

TALA is an activewear brand that makes huge strides towards sustainability. Their clothing is made from recycled materials which allows them to save on waste and use less water when manufacturing. Additionally, their factories are certified in their reduced use of toxic chemicals and greenhouse emissions. 

Skin and hair care

Love Beauty and Planet is an easily accessible brand, which is offered in-store at retailers like Target and Walmart. Their sustainability goals are vast, ranging from making their bottles from 100% recycled plastic and sourcing ingredients from other sustainable brands to reducing water usage by making their hair products fast-rinse for the consumer. 

Contacts and glasses

Warby Parker is a company that has implemented changes to their materials and processes recently to become more sustainable. For starters, their new contact lens brand, Scout, boasts innovative packaging. You can tell that they are smaller than traditional contact blister packs by just the look; however, you may not be aware that they use 80% less packing too. Additionally, Warby Parker has a long-standing program in which, with every pair of glasses bought by a consumer, a pair is given away to someone in need. The trickle-down benefits of this initiative are far-reaching, because it focuses on helping others that may not otherwise have access to vision-ware… or this sustainable brand! 

Outdoor clothing and gear

If you’re a lover of being outdoors, then shopping brands that are sustainable should be a priority for you as well. Patagonia is a brand that makes it clear they are in business to save our planet. They use their resources as a successful company, like their investments, their voice, and creativity to help our planet avoid extinction by committing to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, defend clean water and air, and support environmental campaigns. 

Shoes

Rothy’s shoes are made with cutting-edge green technology that uses recyclable plastic water bottles — how cool! To date, they’ve actually helped save the oceans from 37+ million water bottles by converting this waste into thread for their shoes. Plus, their factories strive for zero-waste manufacturing. Sustainability includes fair practices in the work environment as well, and Rothy’s treats their global employees with exceptional care and benefits.

Food

Being sustainable with your food intake is the number one way to reduce your carbon footprint, as we know, some diets poorly affect the environment. However, it’s not always convenient for everyone to shop local, from farmers, or grow their own produce so that’s why it’s important to shop food brands with sustainable efforts at their core. Stonyfield Farm is a company that has paved the way in organic food, making their customers and the planet healthier. In addition to organic fields where their cows graze and where their fruits and veggies grow, they now are on a mission to have fields where kids play all over the U.S. be free of harmful pesticides. 

Some of these brands are well-known and well-established. And while that gives them the advantage of having entire divisions which can focus on responsible practices, it’s easier than you may think as a small business owner to make your product and production sustainable. Take TALA, for example; it was founded in 2019 by a 22 year-old entrepreneur, who felt that above all else, fighting the fast-fashion industry with sustainability and affordability were important for her brand and customers. 

If you’re an up-and-coming entrepreneur, don’t say that becoming an eco-conscious brand is something you will work for down the road, once you’ve achieved a certain level of success. Rather, make the switch now so you can begin helping the planet now. (Spoiler alert: Your customers will take notice. Doing good can be good for your business!)

Remember, sustainability isn’t only on companies to make green decisions, but it’s also on the consumer as well…

Even the smallest of changes to be more conscious can make a big difference. If consumers are demanding companies to be better and shopping from brands whose views align with their own, this will help force sellers to make changes for the better. 

Being an informed consumer is one of the best ways you can make the decisions you want to support eco-friendly and sustainable companies. Knowing and supporting certified B Corps is a way you can help make a culture shift to build a more sustainable earth and economy. But how do you know if a business you support is a certified B Corp and what does that even mean? B Corporations, short for ‘benefit corporations’, are businesses that meet the highest standards of verified social and environmental performance while using their credibility and power as a business to address these issues. BLab, the non-profit organization that certifies these companies, does this based on how said companies can create value for their employees, their community, and the environment as a whole. It’s actually easier than you may think to find out if a company has been certified: BLab offers you an easy-to-use directory to find certified B Corps. 

Strive to spend your money wisely to support brands that are trying their hardest to be more earth — and people-friendly — and reject those that don’t. Although it may seem easier or more convenient to keep shopping the way you do now, it isn’t doing any favors for ourselves or the environment.

You may also enjoy reading Dancing With Mother Nature: An Adventure For Change Across Antarctica by Zita Liter

The post Putting Sustainability into Practice: A Guide for Brands and Consumers appeared first on BEST SELF.

Recovering from debt and generating wealth is possible for any of us if you know the mindset and action steps that are required — and the mistakes to avoid

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If you currently find yourself in debt, or if you have ever been there, you know how frustrating it can be. To desire something more, to desire financial freedom, and to not quite know what steps to take to move you forward, can leave you with a sense of helplessness. 

A few years ago, that’s exactly where I was. I was in debt, to be frank it was $187,0000 worth of debt, with very little to show for it. I was not sure where to begin to change it. Today, I own properties across the world including part of a castle in Italy, land in Costa Rica, Australia, and am also the business development manager training organization Access Consciousness^TM operating in 173 countries, all the while mentoring other leaders around the world to create and look past what is tangible.

I did not go from debt-ashes to financial freedom all at once. I got there one choice at a time, and you can too.

The first step is to recognize two common money mistakes that people make when moving towards being debt-free. 

Mistake #1: Curbing expenditures as the primary source of getting out of debt 

For many of us, our first response in trying to change our debt situation is to look at where we can cut back on spending. Makes sense, right? The logical solution to changing debt is to spend less. As logical as it seems, there is an adverse effect that this often creates. Creating more money requires creativity and when your sole focus is cutting back on spending money, you are cutting back on the creativity that would allow you to access new ideas and possibilities that will generate wealth.

Mistake #2: Buying the idea that joy follows money

Have you ever thought that when your money situation improves, then you will be happy? The majority of people do. The common thought is this: “I need to get serious about my money situation. I need to fix this problem. Once this problem is solved and I have money, then I will be happy.” As smart as this sounds, it doesn’t work. Joy needs to come first. It is always going to be hard to make money while you are being serious and doing things you don’t like. Choose joy NOW. Money will follow.

In addition to not buying into these money-making mistakes, here are my top tips on how to rise from the ashes of debt and generate wealth.

Here are 6 tips to rise from debt and generate wealth:

1. Acknowledge your capacities and how great you can be

It is important to understand that you don’t have to know everything now. Start where you are. Ask questions. Always ask questions. You have the ability to learn and grow more every single day. Keep your sense of curiosity and wonder and you will get there. 

2. Give yourself permission to know what you want 

Have you ever asked yourself what it is that YOU desire? Truly asked? Most of us create our lives based on what others decide is valuable. The issue with this is that you are nowhere in the computation. If you would like to get out of debt and stay there, you have to be honest with yourself as to what you desire to have as your life. 

3. Be audacious in what you ask for

Have you ever been told that you should be grateful for what you have? Has anyone ever insinuated that if you ask for more you are being selfish? What if that is not true? Intelligent people always ask for more because intelligent people know that more is always possible. Rather than not asking for more, rather than asking small and non-threating, make your demands bigger, and don’t dilute your desire just because someone says ‘no’ or concludes that you are being selfish. Choosing more creates greater for the entire planet. 

4. Ask questions 

All of our lives we are taught to look for answers. It’s actually questions that create change. When you ask questions, you open the door to new possibilities. Ask, “What else is possible?” all the time! No matter what is going on. Ask for new possibilities. Ask what else is possible that you have not considered. Ask and watch what shows up.

5. Take action 

To get the things you want in life, you have to be willing to take action. Create is an action word. For things to show up, doing is required. What if you woke up every morning and asked, “What revenue streams can I create?” And, “What action is required to create them today?”

When you ask questions such as “What action is required?” you will have a sense of something. Something will pop. An idea. A person to talk to. Whatever that is, do THAT.  

6. Be patient and enjoy the moment

Don’t make everything a life or death situation. Even though debt is not where you desire to be, if you make money a problem and put all of your energy into fixing your debt, you will miss out on the gifts that are available to you in every moment. Don’t ignore your debt. And, don’t make it the focus of everything. Enjoy the ride and take time to ‘taste life’ as you daily move towards creating the financial reality you desire. 

Changing your financial reality is possible. The key is to keep creating while you take steps to remove your debt. When you acknowledge you, clarify what you desire, ask for more, give up looking for the answer in favor of asking questions, take action and find joy in the process, you will create a greater reality. Your choice is the key as it is your choice that creates. 

You are the source for changing anything in your life you would like to change include getting out of debt. Time for you to know it.

You may also enjoy reading True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning by Jim Brown

The post How to Rise from the Ashes of Debt and Create Wealth in Your Life appeared first on BEST SELF.

If you want to seize control of your life and reap a bountiful harvest, there’s no better way to achieve this than the gig-economy as a self-employed worker

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There comes a moment on everybody’s journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment when they have to stop and evaluate their career trajectory. According to John Parrot, employment is a massive contributing factor to stress. This is particularly true for the rising generation who tend to find traditional models of employment stifling amidst the growth of the gig economy. 

For some of us, employment brings welcome challenges, stability, and security. As a freelance writer and best-self advocate, I don’t want to alienate anyone who feels fulfilled in full-time employment, but I do believe that making the leap into self-employment can help people to live more fulfilled and mindful lives. 

The self-employed lifestyle is about promoting what’s most important in your life: You. No one else is going to do that for you; no one else can encourage you as you can. 

Here are 6 reasons to embrace self-employment as the path to living a best-self lifestyle:

1. Most of us are unsatisfied with full-time employment 

It’s a staggering reality that half of Americans are in jobs that make them unhappy. This means that most of us are heaping a net-gain of negativity into our lives. Studies suggest this is especially true when issues of race, ethnicity, and gender are a crucial factor. The undeniable solution for more and more of us is to become self-employed. Becoming self-employed inevitably leads to an increase in job satisfaction and engagement because we have more control over the variables. This was the case for Best Self contributor Laura Garnet.

2. Freedom to schedule life your way 

Life gets hectic when we allow the demands of other people to pile up on us. Without taking time to work on our own self-esteem through meditation, mindfulness, affirmations and other practices, things can become overwhelming. Working a traditional 9-5 job makes self-care difficult at best and impossible at worst because our time isn’t our own. Exchanging your time for money is a difficult model to scale. Self-employment, however, gives you control over your schedule — including taking time out when needed to work on your Best Self. Self-employment can also lead to automating your revenue stream, which can be a scalable model that can afford you even more time flexibility. 

It’s important to note that most people end up spending more time at work when they are self-employed, not less, because the lines between work and non-work are easily blurred. Yet, many independent people state that their work doesn’t feel like work at all. As the saying goes, “If you love your work, you’ll never work a day in your life!”

3. Work-life balance 

One of the fundamental principles in the world today is a positive work-life balance. This entails prioritizing our well-being and allocating time for self-empowerment and self-discovery. Without balance, our lives are governed externally; we no longer have sovereignty over our lives and bodies if we are forced into servitude to someone else. Working for yourself provides the flexibility to adjust your work-life balance in a way no other career or boss could.

4. Unleash your potential 

Many full-time workers regret that they allowed themselves to be used as a cog in a machine they couldn’t escape. I once met a lawyer who had lived a high-flying life as he reached the top of the financial ladder. He told me, “I’d exchange every late night in the office, every business call and every flight overseas on business for just ten minutes playing with my daughter when she was a toddler.” This struck me. To maximize what’s important, we need to stop letting work become the thing that matters most; instead, we should strive to see work as a means of enabling us to do the things that really do matter to us — to our hearts and to our souls. 

A good way to start this is to write a statement of purpose. Experts at essaypro suggest a statement of purpose is an essential element of optimal wellbeing. 

5. Better than average earnings 

On average, self-employed people earn a better living than employed workers. A mixture of flexibility and higher rates can be a great thing, and this is especially evident in the world of self-employment where the average Self-employed salary in the US is around $80,000.

6. Better job security 

If you are your own boss, you are not likely to be sacked any time soon! In all seriousness, self-employed people are reported to have a much higher rate of job security than those in traditional employment. 

This can largely be attributed to higher job satisfaction. Official statistics put the number of satisfied and secure gig-economy workers beyond 50%.

Getting started in the gig economy has never been easier. There are so many tools for creating websites, online stores and other platforms that you’ll need.  An excellent first step is to register with a popular freelancing website (such as Upwork) to help you narrow and gain expertise in your niche. 

As a writer, there’s never been a better time to publish your writing with blogs, websites, and other online outlets willing to pay for great content. This can also include working with large brands, which are jumping into the content marketing arena. Additional opportunities abound for medical and technical writers.

The journey to self-employment is not always going to be straightforward. Undoubtedly, sometimes it will feel risky and uncertain as you put aside the conventional security of a steady paycheck and 401Ks. But, once you embark down this path, you are likely to experience an incredible sense of freedom and expansiveness. 

As you go forth on your road to independence, I encourage you to journal your progress so that you can look back each day on how far you’ve travelled and celebrated every tiny victory along the way as  you carve out your own way to contribute positivity to the world.

You may also enjoy reading A Holistic Approach to Creating Wealth for Entrepreneurs by Stephen and Chutes Bowman

The post The Gig Economy: 6 Reasons Why More People Are Becoming Self-Employed appeared first on BEST SELF.

Going plastic-free in the workplace is a simple and impactful way to do your part to protect our planet — you might even start a trend at the office

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The world as we know it is going to continue to get much worse until we realize the necessity to protect our natural environment. Fauna and vegetation are suffering greatly because of people’s ignorance and bad habits — and one of the biggest culprits is plastic.

Sadly, throwing plastic in waters, in the mountains and on the street is a common occurrence. As a result, it is estimated that there over 5.25 trillion pieces of plastic debris in the ocean. Fortunately, people are finally starting to wake up and realize that left unchecked, this act of ignorance is going to destroy our planet. 

In addition to converting your home to a plastic-free zone, going plastic-free at the office is becoming a popular trend as more and more workers are taking a ‘no plastic’ stance. Take Adidas as an example. When you enter their office, you cannot ignore the huge “plastic-free” sign at the front of their door. The Adidas company perceives sustainability as a responsibility to protect the environment and provide a good example. They have three important objectives: creating sustainability awareness, developing a sustainability-oriented work culture, and providing sustainability guidelines and tools in their office.

According to Mark Gog, Founder & CEO at MyAssignment: “The biggest difference comes in mentality. After interviewing over 100 plastic-free organizations and over 50 ‘careless’ companies, I came to the conclusion that sustainability is a choice made by the leadership hierarchies, a choice that begins with intensive planning and solution-seeking. As a matter of fact, one of the most common problems that companies face is the lack of proper ‘know-how’.”

Whether you’re an employee or an employer, you can influence your company’s culture by encouraging your coworkers to acknowledge and understand the enormous issues that plastic waste represents.

Here are some tangible ways to encourage a plastic-free mentality in your workplace:

• Conduct wasting audits regularly — Track down and analyze all the waste is constantly thrown out in the office, and then figure out solutions to reduce the quantity of waste.
• Run competitions — Reward your staff and employees the moment they start committing to a sustainable plastic-free routine.
• Provide facilities that allow employees to store, reheat, and cook food — You can (and should) encourage your employees to bring homemade lunches so they’ll stop purchasing food delivered in single-use bags.
• Install a water cooler — Provide personalized drinking glasses nearby to discourage the use of any type of plastic bottle or cup.
• Organize a cleaning movement — Help your team see the gravity of the problem on their own by  arranging a team-oriented cleaning project (e.g., cleanup an extremely dirty shore, forest, or river). Not only will this help people embrace their environmental responsibility, but you’ll also encourage a deeper bond between employees.

In addition to the above actions, here are 5 essential tools to help create a plastic-free workplace:

1. Reusable Drink Bottles

A reusable drink bottle is a smart alternative to the common plastic bottles. Every time you go to the store and buy a new plastic bottle, the environment is eventually going to pay the price. If you hold that thought in your head, you’ll no longer indulge in this toxic habit and consider one of the many reusable (and affordable) drink bottles on the market.

2. Reusable Mugs

A reusable mug might sound weird because most mugs aren’t necessarily all plastic. Nevertheless, a reusable mug is different because it is often made of stainless steel and contains a brushing kit that makes it easy to clean. If you give reusable mugs as gifts to colleagues, you’ll hit two birds with one stone. 

3. Reusable Shopping Bags

Worldwide, it is estimated that shoppers are using over 500 billion single-use plastic bags. To stop this bad habit, every time you go shopping before, during, or after work, bring a reusable bag instead of a plastic one. At work, let that reusable bag be in everyone’s sight. You can also gift reusable bags to your colleagues or employees to encourage them to follow your good example.  

4. Reusable Cutlery 

If you’re the type of manager or employee who likes to eat in your own office, consider using reusable cutlery. Even though carrying a fork, spoon, and knife in your backpack all the time might seem like a time-consuming hassle, it’s going to be worth it — even little changes make a big difference. 

5. Reusable Lunch Bags

Reusable lunch bags are definitely a popular trend and for good reason. Think about all the wasted plastic used by fast foods containers that immediately get thrown away once consumed. There are so many reusable lunch bag options; it’s only a matter of choice!

Let us not allow our ignorance to cause more harm than it already does. Go plastic-free!

You may also enjoy reading about Clean2Antarctica: Exploring the circular economy from waste to resource by Kristen Noel

The post Reducing Plastic Consumption: 5 Ways to Make Your Workplace Plastic-free appeared first on BEST SELF.

Time management skills may not come naturally, but once learned will increase your personal and professional productivity & joy

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There is a saying that “Time is the most valuable commodity we have,” and for every commodity that is of value, it needs to be cherished and used wisely. 

Have you ever noticed that on days you stick to and achieve all you planned, you feel happy and more fulfilled? To get the best out of each day, take time to plan your day in alignment with your short and long-term goals. Learning — and applying — time management skills is the secret weapon of highly successful and highly fulfilled people.

A key element of time management is ‘time-blocking’, which means literally blocking out time on your calendar for all the activities you intend to accomplish for the day. 

This includes the obvious, such as meetings or travel, but also assigning time to focus on specific projects, read, write, brainstorm, and even includes free time to play or spend time with your partner, children or a friend. The caveat is that you have to honor your time blocks. For example, don’t check email during your time blocked for writing. Rather, schedule 2-3 blocks during your day to read and respond to email. Your time blocks should be sacred and protected. If an urgent matter emerges, as it will, simply adjust your blocks accordingly after the issue is dealt with.

Time management & time-blocking means assigning the right time to the right activity. 

Here are 15 strategies to effectively plan your day:

#1 Set Goals 

Include both your short and long-term goals. Each goal must be specific, something that can be attained, and should have a time limit. By specific, I mean something that is concrete, for example, revamping a website or becoming a guitarist. An attainable goal is exactly that — something you can actually attain; you’re not likely to become a world-class gymnast at age fifty. The time limit helps structure your day. Some goals, such as completing a report or cleaning the garage, you may be able to accomplish during an hour or two. For longer-term goals, simply include an amount of time that you intend to apply toward that goal on a given day.

#2 Plan Ahead

The moment I started planning ahead, it upgraded my productivity level for each day. I discovered that planning each day of the week in advance made me more productive. The secret is to take time out of one day of the week to plan the remaining days of the week. At the end of each day, you will need to evaluate how your day went, if you were able to achieve your set goals and what goals you were not able to achieve, then review and adjust your plans for the next day.  

#3 Put First Things First

Putting first things first simply means prioritizing. In the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey divided every task into four quadrants, which include Urgent and important, Important but not urgent, not important and urgent, not important and not urgent. You will discover that every single task in your life falls under one of these quadrants.

When planning your day, make sure every activity is handled in order of its importance and/or urgency.

#4 Eliminate Distractions 

There has never been a more distracting period to be alive where everything is within our fingertips. Having a productive day means avoiding activities or tasks that will deter you from your goal. This might range from not checking social media to not watching that soccer match or Netflix series. Eliminating distractions gives you the time you need to focus on important activities. And as mentioned above, avoid continuously monitoring email while focusing on another task; email is the biggest distraction of all!

#5 Be Proactive

By being proactive, you can anticipate deterrents to your goal, find solutions, and execute such solutions as opposed to being reactive, which is caused by poor planning.

A reactive person is never able to achieve all the plans they set out during the day.

#6 Delegate Tasks 

Delegating tasks means assigning to others the responsibility of carrying out assignments. Delegation goes a long way in helping free up your time for more critical tasks and rest while also making sure that the task is completed. If you can assign tasks to another in your team, or a freelancer or virtual assistant, you will progress more quickly toward your goals, and with less stress. A great source for outside talent for many creative and technical disciplines is Upwork.

#7 Make Use Of Tools

The use of tools in helping achieve your day to day tasks quickly and efficiently is very important. By using tools, you are working smarter and not harder. During a period of my life, I worked as a translator. I had to outsource some of my work, such as very technical legal documents to other professionals, but I also leveraged online translation services like The Word Point and Google Translator to facilitate my work, making me more productive.

Point being, if there are people and services out there to help you with specific tasks, make use of them!

#8 Do Your Most Important Work During Your Best Time

Everyone has that time during the day when they are most productive. It can be either the mornings, afternoons, or evenings. To get the most out of your day, carry out your most challenging tasks, or those which require the most focus, during the time of the day when you are most alert and productive.

#9 Get A Head Start

There is a saying, “procrastination is the thief of time.” Do not procrastinate. As much as it is in your ability, try getting a head start on all your tasks. Procrastination is also a silent stress-builder, because the gravity of the uncompleted tasks will increasingly weigh on you as you avoid them. 

If you want to de-stress and accomplish your goals… get ahead of the game, not behind it. 

#10 Get Quality Sleep

Not getting enough sleep reduces your ability to focus and concentrate on the task at hand. It can also put you in a bad mood. Most adults require seven to eight hours of sleep each night; therefore, make sure you plan your day in such a way that it does not cut down the hours you have for rest. A good sleep will leave you feeling refreshed in the morning, giving you the ability to carry out your tasks effectively, which will leave you more joyful each day.

#11 Rest Between Tasks 

Leaving time for rest between tasks allows your brain to cool off, thereby making sure we stay refreshed while carrying out other tasks during the day. Your rest period may be taking a little nap, taking a walk, meditating, grabbing a glass of water and so on. Even a few minutes is enough to transition from one task to the next.

Especially important for long tasks, take a break every hour to keep your mind fresh.

#12 Take Care Of Your Health

Without good health, you can never have a productive day; that is why it is vital to make sure you are proactive about self-care. Eat healthily, eliminate too much caffeine, drink a lot of water, and exercise.

#13 Join A Mentorship Program

Joining a mentorship program is a powerful strategy, especially if you are new to the skills of time management. You will find people who have been through the hurdles you are currently facing and also people who are on the same time management journey with you. Your peers in the program will keep you motivated and also hold you accountable. Similarly, mastermind groups in your professional niche can provide great sources of motivation, strategies and productivity tools.

#14 Group Related Tasks

Grouping related tasks during the day helps you complete your day’s activities more quickly; this is because different jobs require different parts of your brain to get carried out. Similar tasks, therefore, flow without you having to reorient your mindset.

#15 Get Inspiration

It is challenging to stay on top of things during the day if you are not feeling inspired or you lose your drive. To stay inspired, read books, listen to podcasts, watch a TED talk, attend events or lectures — and importantly, shift your socializing to include developing relationships with those people who energize you, lift your spirits, and can teach you.

For many of us, time management is not natural. It is a skill that must be learned, and the more its practiced, the more natural it becomes.

Don’t beat yourself up for not making dramatic leaps in productivity, fulfillment and stress-reduction. Start with small steps, incorporating a few new strategies at a time. But as you begin to block your time and set intentions for each day, you will be amazed how your productivity and clarity will jump. Be careful — this can be an addictive path!

You may also enjoy reading The Importance of Intention to Create Freedom and Aliveness by Carter Miles

The post Time Management 101: 15 Tips for Increasing Productivity & Happiness appeared first on BEST SELF.

It’s not easy being the first, being different, or forging your own path in business; however, this is exactly what clients are often looking for…and need

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Most entrepreneurs and business owners would create more for themselves and their business if they allowed themselves to rebel. 

According to the dictionary, rebellion is the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention. Being a rebel means believing and trusting in yourself so that you will not blindly follow the status quo or what others expect from you or project onto you as the ‘right’ way to do or be. Being a rebel also allows you to question everything you choose and ask why? Whose rules are you following? Are you creating something in your business that works for you or are you creating it to suit others? 

Being a rebel is a strength, not a weakness. Your ability to rebel — to live out your difference even if it means standing out from the crowd — is a superpower that will create your life, your business, and your future if you step into that power and use it to your advantage.

Sometimes, that which makes us appear to be a ‘rebel’ can also be labelled by others as what is ‘wrong’ about us. As a true rebel, however, you have the power to flip that around and take all that is considered as a wrongness in this world and access the strongness that it actually is. 

That’s right: Everything you think is wrong about you can actually be what is strong about you. 

This statement will set you free once you are willing to look at it from this different perspective. If you stopped resisting and avoiding what you’ve judged as ‘wrong’ about you, what strength and power would show up? Would you be willing to use the judgment that others put on you for being a rebel as a creative element? If so, start looking at what you decided your weaknesses or wrongness are and ask yourself: “What can I create with this?”

The true power in rebellion comes from knowing that you don’t have to fight anyone or anything. Instead, you can seek possibility by embracing strength and self-trust to create something greater than most people are willing to have.

Being rebellious in business and life doesn’t require massive actions or dramatic gestures because a little rebellion — when done with the right tools — can go a long way. 

Here are 4 key tips for breaking the ‘creative mold’ and being a little rebellious in business with maximum effect:

1. You’re not wrong

We all mess up at times so it’s important to reset your relationship with ‘wrongness’. If something doesn’t work out as planned, don’t sit around and wait for someone or something else to tell you that you’re not wrong. It’s up to you to pull yourself out of any sense of wrongness or failure and cull from the experience whatever nuggets you can learn from. You can further help yourself by surrounding yourself with people you look up to and will inspire you to be greater rather than focus on mistakes. Also, choose to do things that bring you joy and ignite the creative and happy energies in your life. But it’s up to you, and totally within your power, to acknowledge that nothing you do is ever wrong.

2. Don’t give up

No one (at least no one I know) is completely immune to moments where a plan doesn’t seem to be working out, so we start to think “I’m pathetic” or “I can’t do this.” Often, these moments occur because money isn’t showing up or we don’t get a certain result we decided was necessary. But don’t give up! Even if the money and results are not flowing in right away, take this as an opportunity to adjust and recommit.

Affirm to yourself: I will do and be whatever is required.

Then ask yourself: Is this plan creating the future I truly want? Is money actually on its way? Am I at a point where I need to choose differently?

3. Choose differently

What else is possible? This is one of the most powerful questions you can ask in business and in life. Business is not about discovering the thing that you can do for the next 40 years. It´s also not about sticking with a plan if it’s not creating what you desire. Choice is a daily exercise, so start each day anew by asking: What is possible today? Allow your business and daily life to actually become an adventure instead of letting each day look the same. Spice it up by asking: What adventure can I have with this?

4. Redefine your relationship with failure

Many businesses owners function from a fear of potential loss or failure. Understandably, they don’t want to lose their relationship, their apartment, their reputation, but this desire often leads to a fear of making mistakes. As a result, you can spend all your energy and focus holding onto what you’ve created, and in the process, lose the ability to adapt and choose differently. People love to have control over things: their team, the market, their partners. So it makes sense that they will try to have control over not making mistakes. But this is so stifling to creativity!

It’s better to redefine failure in business as just an unexpected possibility. See it simply as information and then ask yourself: What do I do with the information I just gained? Where do we go from here?

It doesn’t matter where you are coming from, what your situation is, how many mistakes you’ve made, or if your life looks as if there are no possibilities ahead for you. By adding a bit of rebellion and not believing in limits or naysaying (even if it’s coming from you!), everything is possible once you make that choice.

You may also enjoy reading Our Best Self in the Face of Fear and Failure by Sheila Ferguson

The post A Little Rebellion Goes a Long Way In Business (and Life) appeared first on BEST SELF.

Productivity is more than achievement; it’s intention, learning, and habits all rolled in together. Here are some tips to help you get more out of life

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Did you know that mindfulness has a lot to do with productivity?

I didn’t get the connection at first. I started doing yoga when I was in between jobs, so I had a lot of free time on my hands. When I started working and I had to fit the practice within my daily obligations, I realized how it could change your life from a different perspective: productivity.

I noticed that I was less productive on days when I skipped practice. I have an hour “less” on days when I practice, but I’m more focused and determined to finish on time.

That’s what productivity is all about. When you find the right balance between your personal and professional life, you feel at peace. You know you have tasks to complete, but you’re not stressed out about them.  

Through some research and from my personal experience, I collected 7 productivity tips that can lead to a life change.

1. Establish a Healthy Relationship with Finances

The productivity concept is not about making more money. You could be making a lot of cash, but are you really productive if you don’t do anything outside of work?

When yoga teachers and practitioners talk about the yamas, aparigraha doesn’t get much attention. This is the principle of non-possessiveness. The idea is to be happy with what you’ve got. You can always work for more, but possessions should not be the main goal of your life. It’s fine to own things, but not to let things own you.

Finances are an important part of our life and we should have a healthy relationship with them. When we get into the whirlpool of making and wanting more money, it becomes obsessive — it consumes our thoughts. I’ve been there. You’ll work more and you’ll earn more. But that’s not productivity. Such a mindset makes you lose control of all other interests you have. 

Budgeting is one of the best ways to stay productive. If you have a flexible income that increases as you do more work, think: 

How much money do I need to cover all my expenses, live comfortably, and still save some?

That’s your goal. Plan how much work you need to do on a daily basis to achieve that goal. You can work more, but don’t get greedy.

2. Find the Perfect Productivity App

If you don’t believe that an app can change your life, wait until you try the perfect one. 

When you have your plan in written form, it forces you to make a commitment. It’s not something you may have promised to yourself and then pushed at the back of your mind when procrastination sets in. It’s there; reminding you that if you don’t complete these tasks, you’ll have to deal with more work tomorrow.

The app will push notifications that remind you about your goals. Eventually, you’ll stop making excuses. 

My personal favorites are Pagico (for managing tasks and projects), Time Out (an app that reminds you to take short breaks), and InstaCal (an app that manages your calendars). All these apps are available through Setapp, a service where you pay a low monthly fee for premium Mac apps. You can actually save money because this app curates the best tools for you.

3. Do Your Exercise or Yoga Practice in the Morning

I tried practicing yoga after work. It didn’t work. I was too tired. I would work overtime too often, so I couldn’t do the practice on schedule. It’s important for me to do yoga at the same time every day, since that’s how it becomes a routine that I don’t want to avoid. I did some research and as it turns out, most people agree. People are more likely to adhere to a morning exercise routine once they establish it. In addition, exercising in the morning leads to better productivity. 

Take my honest advice: start waking up earlier. It will be hard at first, but you’ll have much more time in the day for all tasks you plan.  

Meditation is easier to do in the morning, too. Your mind is calm then. It isn’t burdened by all buzzing thoughts and experiences you go through in a day. It’s the perfect time to go inward and set your intentions for the day. Meditation before sleep can be a helpful way to wind down your mind and prepare yourself for rest, however your mind may be stuck to things that happened during your day. It can be hard to calm it down. It’s way easier to do it in the morning.

I recommend meditating right after exercise. Do your preferred meditation with a simple self-affirmation at the end: “Today will be a good day. I will be focused, calm, and productive.”

When you want to change your life for the better, start with a positive attitude. 

4. Make Small Steps Towards Big Destinations

A major business or personal project is an overwhelming challenge. And this large scale challenge can lead us to procrastinate. “I’ll just deal with minor tasks today and start with this next week.” Then you procrastinate some more next week, and stress builds as the deadline for the project gets close. 

Here’s one of the most important productivity tips: break down the work in small steps!

Divide the biggest projects into monthly, weekly, and daily goals. Then, infuse those daily goals into your calendar and start accomplishing them. This mindset will change your life.

I got my MA degree thanks to this mindset. It seemed like an impossible goal, since I also had a job that I loved. But then I just applied and started taking things slow. I studied for one course at a time, one concept at a time, one chapter at a time. 

5. Never Stop Learning

You work, you exercise, and you spend time with your family. Is that all a productive life is about? No. Beyond achieving, a truly fulfilling life is also one of continued learning. 

As the saying goes… be forever a student.

The ‘microlearning’ concept is interesting. The trend in today’s online courses is to provide brief lectures that take up to 20 minutes. The assignments are short and easy to complete. You don’t have to spend an entire day listening to a lecture and completing assignments. You’ll be learning in small bites as you work toward your goal.

If you don’t have time for classic online courses, you can start listening to audiobooks. There’s an awesome library of literature and educational texts available, with great narration. You can listen to audiobooks while you drive, while you cook, and while you do anything else.

A mind that seeks growth is a mind that will never be bored. 

6. Don’t Waste the Present Moment

What are you doing right now? You’re reading this article, which gives you effective tips for productivity. That’s good, but will you put any of these tips into practice? If you don’t, then you’re wasting valuable time, or more precisely, the present moment. 

When you have free time on your hands, ask yourself: “What am I doing right now?” Sometimes you’ll realize you’re doing something actually meaningless to you…

Like watching a TV show that you started but don’t isn’t even fun anymore. Or perhaps you’ll realize you’re wasting time putting too much makeup on, when you could be enjoying a nice cup of tea outside before going to work. Or maybe you’re scrolling through social media feeds that are not fulfilling to you.

When you come to such a realization, use that moment to pivot and do something useful. You can go outside and practice breathing, you can call a friend, or take a nap that will give you energy for the remaining tasks of the day. This is not to say that idle time, day dreaming and rest don’t have a place — just be mindful of what you’re doing now…

Relaxing is different than distracting. A key to productivity is being intentional about how you choose to spend your time.

7. Save Money

No matter how much you’re making, do your best to save a certain amount on a monthly basis. Perhaps that means cooking your own food rather than frequenting restaurants. Or building a ‘capsule’ wardrobe that requires little investment in clothes and accessories. Or, on the more extreme end, you can even consider living with a friend, parent or sibling for a while. 

When you save enough money, you can do something to truly change your life. You can have the vacation of your dreams, buy your own place, or do anything else that you consider to be a productive investment.

I realized that setting priorities was the best way to save money. When I wanted to buy something, I asked myself a question: “Do I really need this? I have the money. But is this the most important thing I should spend it on?” This simple manner of reasoning lets me make better decisions. 

I still try not to be attached to my savings. If I need to buy something, I don’t feel sorry about spending money on it. But if I don’t, I save my money for a more productive purchase, i.e., something that will make a significant impact upon my life. This was one of the productivity strategies that helped me pay for my MA degree. 

Do You Have a Productivity Mindset?

So, you tried all of the productivity hacks at work and you still can’t get things done on time? There are two possibilities here:

• It’s your mindset — You’re a chronic procrastinator. You remember the times when you were able to exercise, do your work, and have spare time for relaxation in the evening. Now, you’re doing the same volume of work, but you don’t have time for anything else. If this is your case, you’ll benefit from the tips above. 
  
• You’re taking on more work than you can accomplish — If there is no realistic chance to accomplish everything on your list, think of ways to outsource. You can hire writers to help with your reports. You can delegate tasks to team members. You can talk to your boss and explain that your workload is too much for a single employee. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself if you want to see a positive life change. Note: the same applies to your personal life.

Be honest: at least a few of these productivity tips made you feel like you weren’t doing enough, right? It’s okay. We always have space for improvement, and that’s a good thing. Why don’t we start making improvements today? 

You may also enjoy Morning Yoga & Meditation for Energy, Awareness and Intention with Carter Miles

The post 7 Productivity Tips that Can Change Your Life, at Work and at Home appeared first on BEST SELF.

The destruction from a wildfire and subsequent regrowth frames one intrepid woman’s revamping of her life, professionally and personally

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It’s been over a year of waking up in Los Angeles. And by waking up, I mean the spiritual kind — a gradual shift from focusing on my external world to being guided by my inner one and a higher power far greater than myself. 

I wish I could say it’s been easy and quick, but truthfully, it’s been neither. I’ve cried many tears and felt lonely, frustrated, and angry. I’ve also had my heart cracked open in life-affirming ways, experienced beautiful connections with people, and tapped into the divine within and all around me.

More than ever, I believe life is unfolding in perfect time, and I am finally coming home to myself.

Last November, the Woolsey Fire scorched much of Malibu and parts of Calabasas. I remember returning after the evacuation orders lifted and the shock I felt when I saw melted highway railings on the 101, just two exits north of my old neighborhood. The shock deepened to horror with my first few drives to and from work at Pepperdine, where I saw not only more melted railings, but also downed power lines, trees burnt to a crisp, vegetation leveled to ashes, and the Santa Monica Mountains laid bare, charred black and brown. Kanan Road was even worse, with all of the above and burnt-out cars and houses razed to their foundation.

And yet, merely a few weeks later, there was regrowth. 

Thanks to fortuitous downpours and the ash acting as a fertilizer, tender green shoots emerged delicately from the charred earth. They continued to grow, and by March of this year, Malibu Canyon looked like the hills of Ireland — there were so many shades of green, the vegetation was lush, and wildflowers were in full bloom. From certain angles, except for the burnt trees and rocks, it was hard to tell that a massive fire had swept through.

These images of sheer destruction and regrowth have helped me process the cycle of destruction and regrowth in my own life.

Before moving to Los Angeles, I had worked as a lawyer for seven years, serving as a judicial clerk and litigator at two large law firms. I learned a lot in that time and am grateful for those experiences and my former colleagues. But I can’t say that other than a handful of times on the job, I truly felt like myself. 

In litigation, you’re often rewarded for tearing people down, finding fault with their positions, and making opposing counsel’s life more difficult. That was tough for me, because my greatest strength is harmony. I love building people up and maximizing their potential. And I am all about fun, optimism, and joy. In late 2017, I finally hit a wall after realizing how fundamentally misaligned I was with my work. I was miserable and abruptly quit my job. 

I had nothing lined up, which I see in hindsight wasn’t the wisest move. Thankfully, my parents let me move back to my childhood home in Florida. When you’re 33 and moving in with your parents, it’s a humbling experience, to say the least. I am forever grateful for their gift, as it allowed me to rest and begin rebuilding. 

While at home, I connected with a professional coach, Sindy. I went to her wanting to find a new job.

Now, looking back, I realize I was really looking for a new way of life, a new way of being.

Sindy was yet another gift. With her intuition, authenticity, and holistic approach, she taught me powerful lessons on self-worth, energy perception, and freedom of choice. Our work together led me to new opportunities in higher education more aligned with who I am.

These days, I counsel law students on their careers and anything they’d like to discuss. It’s fun getting to know who they are, their hopes and dreams, and being a part of their growth. I order yo-yos for them and hand out stickers. Of course, no job is perfect, and there are challenges that show me where I still need to work on myself. Most of these challenges center on my ego. I am learning to see when and how it shows up, and I am practicing different ways of responding consciously. Importantly, I’ve also learned that I am not my job; it is simply something I do and happen to do well.

In the cycle of destruction and regrowth, I’m somewhere between the tender green shoots of last December and the full wildflower bloom of this March. 

Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve been leaning into what feels joyful and interesting, and following the synchronicities.

A curiosity about walking labyrinths brought me to the Peace Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens, where I met a kundalini yogi. Our conversation led me to Yoga West on South Robertson, where I learned more about this yoga of awareness and its kriyas and Sikh mantras. This spring, I found myself in Malibu Canyon at Sat Nam Fest — advertised as the “premier kundalini yoga and music festival” — singing my heart out with fellow yogis in all-white clothing and blissed out during an all-night gong bath. Over Memorial Day weekend, I attended a silent retreat at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in eastern Washington. That set the stage for a blessing ceremony by the Oracle of Tibet in August on Melrose Avenue, where I saw members of the Sikh community and a longtime kundalini teacher. My worlds are unexpectedly colliding.

Inspired by my work with Sindy and my students at Pepperdine, I’ve also enrolled in a coach certification program. In coaching, we see the client as creative, resourceful, and whole, and ultimately, the authority on his or her own life. Through a process of asking empowering questions, holding a mirror to their beliefs, and inviting them to question how they might want to show up differently, we help people step into greater awareness, access their inner wisdom, and bring their true dreams to life. Coaching resonates with every fiber of my being, and I am loving and delighting in the people I find in this space.

My soul has waited several decades for me to begin living in full expression.

I made a vision board recently, with magazine clippings that capture who I am and what I want in life. The first word is LIGHT: to be a source of brightness and levity. A second word is LOVE: to be, to give, and to receive love. Other words are: joy, fun, natural, alignment, limitless, dream, explore, and choose. And finally, the phrase, “to inspire you on your journey,” which I hope I’ve done today. From the depths of my heart, I know a wildflower bloom is coming, and I’m so curious to see how it unfolds.

You may also enjoy reading The Importance of Intention to Create Freedom and Aliveness by Carter Miles

The post Destruction and Regrowth: A Spiritual Awakening of Career and Self appeared first on BEST SELF.

You might think being a multitasker is a good thing, but often we benefit from focusing on only one task at a time

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As long as I can remember, I’ve prided myself on my ability to multi-task. There is not much I can’t combine into one task if called to the challenge. For instance, I’m able to get my dinner to a simmer, then run up the stairs to transfer the clothes from the washer to the dryer, all while pronouncing words for my six-year-old who yells out the letters from the other room. 

I thought this skill helped me accomplish so much over the years, but lately I find myself becoming easily distracted and constantly frazzled by so much stimulation. My kids complain that I’m not paying attention to them, mostly because they want my full attention, but I digress. There is little time to be still because I’m constantly thinking about all the chores that need to be done (together, of course) or where I should be in the next moment.

While researching Japanese culture and the benefits of minimalism, I stumbled upon a term that captured my attention: Single Tasking. 

Although that was the first time I heard of it, ‘single tasking’ is a real thing that is taking root as more people search for ways to reduce stress and increase productivity in their lives.

It seems like a no-brainer, but it actually takes a lot of focus to be mindful of the task at hand a — similar to how meditation requires you to give 100% attention to whatever you’re doing. 

Think about it. You’re able to use all your five senses at once, deepening your experience. This alone is worth it. Who doesn’t want more meaningful experiences? You may not get as much stuff done, but you will, however, derive more joy out of doing it.

I was blown away by my discovery. I really did believe that multi-tasking was my superpower. I mean, there were so many benefits, I never thought this juggling would ever hinder me. Fast forward a decade and a half later and I will tell you that not one of the handful of tasks I ever did at once got the attention it deserved.

If I am being completely honest, my kids probably suffered the most. I can’t imagine what went through their little heads…

They’d watch their mommy run from one room to the next, decked in an apron carrying a pile of half-folded clothes in one arm and misplaced stuffed animals in another, all while the fire alarm was going off because the potatoes were burning. I imagine all this motion caused a lot of anxiety for them, not to mention the expectations I put on them. If I can accomplish all this in an hour (never mind the sweat dripping down my back), then they should too, I always thought.

When I was a proud multitasker, I would get especially frustrated with my daughter. She has never been one to pick up the pace; she prefers snail speed for just about everything. It is not unusual for the entire family to be waiting in the car for what feels like a century until my daughter decides to slowly exit the house and join us. She has no remorse either. The more we push, the more her pace slows to a near halt. She gets easily anxious, so this seemed like her way of overcompensating for it. And I don’t blame her… now. I’m really sorry for the last 14 years, however. I had no idea.

Knowledge is power. Now that I know multi-tasking is stressful — as much for the spectators as it is for the participants — I know I don’t want any part in it. 

And I’m sure my family agrees. 

They like the slow, intentional mom who looks them in the eye as they talk and drops everything to capture them in her arms with a bear hug when they return from school. They also appreciate the fact that I’m more grounded, less prone to mood swings or panic attacks. All this by just focusing on one thing at a time. Who would have known? 

As a single tasker, I even found myself enjoying food more because I’m not watching tv or browsing the internet as I eat. Instead, I use all my senses, seeing how good it looks, how nice it smells, how it feels as I chew it slowly. I’m sure there are health benefits to this approach as well. Another research topic perhaps. For now, I’m just grateful I caught myself before turning to medication to ease the stress. There’s nothing better than finding the root cause of an issue and attacking it at its core.

Here are a few methods I have learned to stay in a single-task mode:

• Mindfulness — If you are aware of what you’re doing, and you vow to not do too much at once, then you will not get caught in the trap. I find that if I am totally devoted to the moment, completely mindful, then I won’t want to add any other experience to it.
• Prioritize — If there is a lot to get done, make a priority list. If you can’t get it all accomplished, focus on getting done the most important things on your list.
• Economize — We may all be guilty of doing, wanting, and having too much, so just take one or two things off your list to do or acquire. You may need to learn to say “no” but, believe me, the more you say it, the easier it gets.
• Delegate — There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Or demanding it. In fact, people will even respect you for it. Free yourself by giving yourself permission to do whatever it takes to stay focused on only one task at a time.

Change will not happen overnight. Not in this crazy, busy world we live in. However, life is a journey and our goal should always be to better ourselves along the way. Single tasking is one sure step forward on that path.

You may also enjoy reading The Sacred Pause: The Art of Activating Healing Energy by Travis Eliot

The post Keeping It Simple: Single Tasking Is the New Black for Mindfulness & Productivity appeared first on BEST SELF.

Most students neglect their health, but there are many physical, emotional, academic and social benefits to developing healthy habits while away at college

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How healthy is your lifestyle? 

With all the rush and stressfulness of campus life, students rarely ask themselves this question. Most young people neglect their health in pursuit of success until they finally realize that they are on the wrong path. But acquiring healthy habits during your college years is vital to academic and social success.

Here are some super simple yet effective lifestyle hacks:  

1. Never Try to ‘Fit In’

Of course, everyone wants to be the ‘cool kid’. However, how many students consider the price they have to pay for the sake of popularity? From my own experience, so many people end up going down the wrong path just to fit in. They end up partying too hard, or changing their values and beliefs to look normal or cool. But did this make them happier? Probably not, so stop trying to look cool in everyone’s eyes! After all, a great student, as well as a great person, should be identified by one’s character. 

So, be sure to stay true to yourself — that’s the best policy for making real friends.

2. Get Enough Rest

Many students pull all-nighters, prefer take-out food to save up some time on cooking, and neglect getting enough rest. With such a busy and intensive pace of life, even young and energetic people start feeling drained, fatigued and apathetic. Eventually, their grades go down, and they become those students who keep missing their deadlines or complete all tasks in a rush, submitting works of poor quality. Ideally, a person needs at least 7 hours of sleep a day, as well as regular study breaks to refresh your brain. Without taking proper care of your mental and physical well-being, you will most likely become unorganized, unfocused, and unmotivated. This can ruin your academic performance and reputation once and forever.

3. Travel

This isn’t a tip you would typically hear, but it does work! There are plenty of scientifically-proven benefits of travel.

While exploring the world, you can learn a lot about who you are, your beliefs, and true wishes. As a result, you can end up more aware, conscious, and wise.

Traveling also helps to instill a sense of gratitude and patience, which are both integral elements of mental well-being. It also helps you to appreciate your own life, especially when you observe struggling people and poverty in other countries.

4. De-Stress

College can be stressful. High levels of stress diminish one’s health and overall wellbeing, thus it is critical to find ways to manage anxiety and stress. For me, the best way to combat stress was through music and arts. Humanity has been long aware of the positive influence of art on a person’s well-being. Other stress-relieving activities include sports, exercise, meditation, reading, or massage.

5. Develop a Fixed Daily Routine

Successful people tend to keep track of their daily tasks and follow specific routines to reduce stress and be productive.

A simple example of a healthy morning ritual includes taking care of your personal hygiene, exercising, and eating a healthy breakfast. 

6. Eat a Balanced Diet

The quality of food you consume has a direct impact on your health, productivity, energy, brain functionality, and overall wellbeing. That’s why it is vital to eat a balanced diet. If you don’t have enough time for cooking, try opting for healthy restaurant meals that are rich in proteins and plant-based whole foods instead of ordering pizza or choosing fast food. And pay attention to what you drink. Besides not over imbibing on alcohol, be wary of drinks with too much sugar or caffeine.

7. Keep in Touch with People You Love

Carving out a few minutes to call family, friends, and loved ones is a great way to reduce stress and maintain a healthy mental mindset.

We all need support and communication, especially during particularly stressful times.

Moving away from our families to start a new ‘adult’ life gives us lots of freedom. Without a doubt, being a student is time consuming, but there are many reasons to make time for a regular call home. 

You may also enjoy Best Self Yoga Flow for Flexibility and Relaxation by Carter Miles

The post 7 Esssential Healthy Living Tips for College Students appeared first on BEST SELF.

Creating true success means giving up our preconceived (and limiting) notions of success and failure

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Are you an expert at anticipating and avoiding obstacles, problems, and potential risks in business and life? This ‘talent’ may actually be the exact thing that is holding you back from being truly successful! 

It’s really not your fault; we are taught that this is the optimal way to function. Most business advice tells you that when you have a goal, you must plan for all potential outcomes you might face. The logic goes that by anticipating all the possible failure scenarios correctly, you’ll avoid the pitfalls. However, one of the most valuable things I learned in my training as a trade negotiator was that if you only ever prepare for the worst-case scenarios, you will never achieve the best-case scenarios. 

Success has nothing to do with mitigating failure and problems, and everything to do with taking actions to create greater possibilities in every moment. 

This starts with cultivating a totally different outlook on success and failure. This may be quite a challenge for those of us who’ve learned to deal with life and business by continually looking ahead for the next sign of danger, but the good news is that with a little practice and some simple tools, you can have a lot more ease on your path to success. 

Here are 3 of the biggest ways we set ourselves up for failure:

1. Anticipating the Worst

Predicting problems? Congratulations, you’ll create them. Maybe you think anticipating or visualizing positive outcomes is a great idea, except that doesn’t work either. Anytime you try to anticipate anything — good or bad — you are still running your brain in circles trying to figure things out and define what should or shouldn’t be happening. Instead, you need to get your head entirely out of the way. 

How to do this? Start asking more questions. Questions put you in curiosity and wonder mode. It takes you beyond the limits of your mind and imagination, which is where the fun really starts!

To replace worry with wonder, these are three questions I love asking whenever I catch myself thinking about what should happen, what might happen, or what won’t happen:

• What are the infinite possibilities that I haven’t considered?
• What would it take for this to work out greater than I can possibly imagine?
• What else is possible?

Notice that with these questions, you are not defining what your outcome will be. Instead, the door is opened for any number of outcomes and scenarios to occur, all with a sense of curiosity rather than concern. 

2. Achieving the ‘Right’ Goals

Too often, we decide that if we get A, it will equal B which will lead to success. A big case in point is money. How many times have you or the people around you said, “If I have this much money, I’ll be happier,” only to realize later that having more money just means you have more money, not more happiness? 

To be successful, try to become clear on what is truly valuable to you.

Then you can take whatever action is required to achieve that — even if those actions seem atypical to others (or even you!). Here are three steps to gain clarity about your current goals:  

• For each goal, ask: “What have I decided achieving this goal would give me or create for me?” For example, your goal may be to grow your business by 20% next year. Why is that your goal? What have you decided that would give you? More money? Happiness? Greater influence? Freedom? Is there a goal underneath you surface goal that you haven’t acknowledged?

• Let go of details and see the bigger picture of your life. What do you truly desire? To change the world? Create more money? Increase enjoyment of running your business? Planning for success is acknowledging what you truly want and doing whatever is required to get there. If your actual desire is to influence innovation in your industry, will growing your business 20% really create that? Or is it just one possibility amongst a multitude of opportunities, people, and choices that you could engage with to achieve your greater goal, if you were willing to step back and consider all the possibilities available to you?

• Rather than picture your success, get a sense of what it would be like to be successful. As a successful person, how would you like to wake up each day? Joyful and excited about the day ahead? Would your life involve travel? Would you talk to a lot of people or enjoy thriving on your own? Would you do the same thing each day, or have different things going on all the time? How much money would you make each year? Get a tangible sense of what success would be and feel like to you and let that be your barometer to guide your choices. Forget about all the ‘perfect pictures’ of success; those pictures are external ideals learned from others and are most likely not even relevant to you!

3. Judging Problems and Setbacks

Even when you are clear about what you want in life, you can encounter challenges and obstacles. One motto I have learned to live by is this: 

Problems are possibilities in disguise. 

Unexpected setbacks and perceived problems can trigger us to fall back into bad habits: anticipating the worst, trying to control outcomes, assuming failure has occurred. Instead, when challenges arise, ask yourself these questions:

• What is right about this that I am not getting?
• If I didn’t judge this as a problem, what possibility would it actually be?

Rather than immediately presuming you have a problem, look for the possibility. Don’t judge the situation, or yourself. Ask questions and reignite your wonder! If you do this, you will keep your attention and energy focused on moving forward and creating more with far more ease, no matter what.

Creating true success in our lives entails re-training ourselves to give up definitions of success and failure, so that instead of looking for what can go wrong or trying to get it right, we are free to choose what will actually work for us. To do this effectively, you have to realize that whatever you seek, you will find. Seeking possibilities leads to success. Seeking problems (or the problems to avoid) does not. What is the difference between a possibility and a problem? You and your point of view!

You may also enjoy reading The Importance of Intention to Create Freedom and Aliveness by Carter Miles

The post Want to Succeed? Stop Planning to Fail appeared first on BEST SELF.

Understanding wealth, how it exists, what is preventing you from having it and how you can choose to bring it into your life

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Creating sustainable wealth is a target many business owners strive to attain, yet only a few are able to achieve with ease. The most common reason why people fail to achieve sustainable wealth is due to a lack of knowledge about how to create wealth. Another major reason is the lack of ability to apply that knowledge. 

People usually fail to educate themselves about money and wealth creation.

A holistic approach to wealth creation has never been easier for those who are developing a new interest in alternative wealth creation strategies. From our perspective, with the right knowledge, systems and practices, anyone can develop their capacity to be in charge of their money and finance, particularly entrepreneurs that are already excited about creating and managing their business. 

What does a holistic approach to creating wealth mean?

A holistic approach means thinking about the big picture and creating from a space of possibility instead of from a space of conclusion or expected outcome. It is a constant state of being aware that there is a different possibility. This is the place where you look to see how everything can be greater. I like to think of a holistic approach as ‘being conscious and aware’, living life from infinite choice and from infinite possibilities. 

The term ‘holistic’ was first coined by the philosopher Aristotle. This phrase describes the dynamic concept of synergy and touches on how there needs to be coherence between all the moving pieces of our lives. The space of coherence begins as a state of ‘being’. 

In a holistic approach to wealth creation (and life generally), there are four interconnecting aspects: the physical, the emotional, the mental, and the consciousness.

Every choice creates effects on all four aspects. This is your life. Be aware of what your choices will create. What happens to one aspect of your life and your creation will affect all other aspects of your life. 

Your financial life is a central part of your life and living.  So, wealth creation must be an integral part of your life, and not separate from your day-to-day life.  Take a moment now and check how connected are you with your financial life? Are you present, or not, with the direction in which your financial life is moving? When you make the choice to be present, you don’t cut off your awareness, you invite it to something greater.

What is required is for you to develop your awareness to integrate your daily life with creating wealth. It’s about creating what you want and generating sustainable integration in a way that fits your lifestyle, your nature, your interests, and your desires. In other words, it comes down to you. It is 100% up to you how you choose to create your financial reality.

When you create wealth from consciousness you will have an awareness of what your choices are and what their effects will be.

A holistic approach to creating wealth pays close attention to how the physical, emotional, mental, and consciousness aspects work together to make an incredible difference to your business and financial life. This is about opening to the choice of new possibility and to the question of what can get created, instead of the conclusion of what should be created.

Surprisingly, the number one reason many people never create wealth through their business is simply because they have never consciously and deliberately chosen to create it. They operate their business without ever intentionally choosing to be wealthy. This is one of the key reasons many new businesses never make it beyond the initial levels of business development before they run out of resources. The business owners are not in charge of their money. And yet, if you ask them, they’ll say that creating wealth is one of the reasons they created the business.

Have you ever considered that it is truly possible to generate wealth through your business? 

Are you proactively choosing to be the master of your finance and learn how to have money work hard for you?  Without being money smart and without having the capacity to master your business finances, you cannot create sustainable wealth through your business. 

Being money smart is about being literate and informed about personal and business finance and having the power and capacity to make money work for you. Money smart is the possession of awareness, skills, knowledge, attitude and aptitude that allows you to make smart choices with your money and business finance.

Wealth is just a choice! 

Wealth is much more than having a lot of money or being rich. It’s about having infinite choices and infinite possibilities that allow you to create the life that works for you. With true wealth, you have freedom of choice to pursue your priorities, to be who you really are, to have real autonomy to do what you desire and to be able to live the life that you choose.

Making the choice to be wealthy is, absolutely, within your power. This is where the holistic approach to wealth creation truly begins. It starts with a very personal choice, a deliberate choice to be wealthy. Or you can choose to just stay in autopilot mode, be like everybody else and maintain business as usual. You have to choose the reality you want. 

Every time you make a choice for wealth you actually pull energy into that choice for greater wealth and greater possibilities.

The key reason why most people are not making the choice to be wealthy is because they think that wealth is something outside of themselves. When you define wealth based on this point of view, then you will always stop you from being truly wealthy. Wealth is an internal state of being. Don’t put it outside of you as something you need to achieve. If you define wealth as something outside of you, or anything other than you, then you will never be wealthy and prosperous. When you are buying this definition of wealth you will always be in competition with yourself in trying to achieve it. 

You don’t have to take on the limited points of view that other people buy into. You can choose to be and do something totally different. However, to make different choices, you have to be willing to look through a different set of eyes. 

You must recognize that wealth is something you are.

Your major responsibility right now is to make a conscious choice to claim, own and acknowledge that being wealthy is truly possible and see it as a real part of your future. You have to recognize that there’s a different possibility available… and you then have to choose it. When you make a conscious choice to acknowledge that wealth is something you truly are, it generates an energy of contribution for creating your future and provides you with insight into what to do next. 

Choosing to acknowledge your innate wealth allows you to develop a real potency with money and finance. For example, when you are acknowledging that wealth is truly possible for you to create, you will be aware of the future trends that can create an increase in your wealth if you invest in them. 

You can alter your financial reality by changing your choices

To choose is to create. 

Every choice you make creates the future possibilities you’re going to experience. When you consciously and deliberately choose to create wealth through your business, you will discover how to expand the element of true wealth you wish to have. Whether you’re doing operational activities, communicating with clients, or leading your staff, know that each choice you make in one activity, affects the whole.

Every circumstance of your life is the by-product of your choices. Every outcome you experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or insufficiency, health or sickness, joy or despair) is the result of your choices and actions. Don’t judge this in any way, just be aware of it.

When you acknowledge that you have created your current conditions, then you can as easily un-create them and choose something different. Just the awareness that you actually chose everything in your life and can choose again, and choose something different if you like, is huge.

The first step is to take the time to educate yourself about how to deal with money…

…how to grow money with ease, and how to use money to generate different possibilities for you and your business. When you know how money and financial systems work, you can use your awareness to benefit from the situations where others do not see a different possibility. Being willing to know about money is being willing to be money smart and financially literate.

Financial education is a process of exploration. You must educate yourself through your own discovery process in your own way, to gain awareness and discover new and different possibilities for yourself. You have to be willing to keep your awareness and your energy on the financial pulse of your business as well as your personal finances. Consider these questions:

• Do you have a firm grasp on all of the financial matters in your business? Do you know what you are currently doing with your money every week, month and year? 
• Do you have a clear picture of your business and your personal financial position? Do you keep a close eye on your income and expenses, your cash flow and your net worth?
• Are you financially literate and truly educated in everyday business and personal financial choices? 
• Do you have the power and ability to grow your wealth and to act in your best interests when it comes to making choices with money for your business? 
• Do you have financial systems specifically created to allow you to build wealth through your business? 

Are you able to answer “yes” to these questions? If not, where do you need to start, what can you be and do different? If so, congratulations! You’re probably among the fortunate few who have achieved real financial literacy. 

Choose to be the master of your money and finance

Choose now what you desire to create as your life, and make a commitment to do whatever it takes to actualize it. Then make a choice to start from where you are now and start with whatever means that may be at hand. You have to have an idea of what you’re shooting for, or wealth will always elude you.

Start looking at your business and your life and ask:

• What do I want?
• What reality would I like to create?

Most people wish to become wealthy, but it usually is not their first choice. Only a small number of business owners and entrepreneurs have become truly wealthy because they have chosen this as a priority. For most people, if becoming wealthy requires them to step out of their comfort zone or to stop being on autopilot mode, they will quickly abandon the choice to be the creator source of their wealth. 

Your points of view and your beliefs are everything when it comes to wealth creation, success and business. 

Your beliefs have a tremendous impact on your ability to create wealth through your business. You will never attain what you cannot see yourself doing and being. If you believe that it isn’t possible to generate sustainable wealth through your business, then this will be true for you. This is not esoteric or fictional, because if you do not believe that it is truly possible, then you are not ready to build wealth through your business.

To create wealth through your business, start with these five keys:

1. Your wealth is something you create with your choices.

Be aware of what your choices will create. Every choice you make determines what your future can be. So, when you make a choice, recognize what limitations or possibilities are being generated with that choice. Your choices from a state of consciousness will create a different possibility for your business and your financial reality that you haven’t considered possible. 

2. Be open to change.

Choose to be ever aware, ready to shift strategy and tactics as the situation requires. Be willing to stay open to the new, the unfamiliar, and the unknown. Most vital, you must cultivate the ability to change and transform on a dime. This ability comes from the capacity to adapt as needed and to create flexible structures that are appropriate and suitable for that moment.

3. Know what you would like to create as your future.

Everything you do creates your future. It is essential to be aware of what you would like to create as your life, your business and your financial future. Once you know this, you will start to generate what is required to create them. Ask yourself: “What am I creating? Am I happy to just work hard for my money? What do I really want to create as my financial future? Where do I see myself being in 5 years’ and 10 years’ time? What would I like to achieve?” By asking these questions, you will become aware of the information you require in order to achieve a thriving financial future.

4. Understand Finance. 

If you really want to create wealth, it is essential to educate yourself about money and finance. Do you have a clear picture of your personal financial position? The first thing you need to do is find out how much money you have, how much you owe, how much you spend, and how much you need to generate each month. You must know what it costs you to live the life you desire, so you can see what kind of money will be required to be generated. This is about looking at how things really are, instead of how you would like them to be.

5. Challenge traditional perceptions.

If you are going to create wealth through your business, you must become aware of the possibilities that are available to you. You can no longer cling to familiar turf. Since success will require doing new things in different ways rather doing the same things better, you must be willing to challenge traditional perceptions, assumptions and points of view. You also must have a willingness to venture into uncharted territory. Be open to all possibilities and be willing to look at what you can do that will generate different possibilities.

Once you have chosen, then you are ready to go on the great journey of finding all that this reality has to offer regarding creating wealth. Good hunting!!

You may also enjoy reading True Abundance: One Man’s Search for (Mindful Money) Meaning by Jim Brown

The post A Holistic Approach to Creating Wealth for Entrepreneurs appeared first on BEST SELF.

A working mother’s hard-won lessons for overcoming the challenges of combining a successful career with motherhood — and thriving

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According to most successful people, running a business or building a successful career is a fulltime endeavor. Yet there are so many women in the business world today that are doing their best to navigate both their career and their family. 

As if that alone wasn’t challenging enough, they are also faced with the constant distraction of competition, judgments, self-doubt, and guilt about their role as a mother and a businesswoman. If you add being a single mother into the equation, most would consider that a recipe for burnout or long-term struggle. 

But what if the difference between struggling or thriving is just a matter of changing your point of view and looking at your situation from a different angle?

Being a single mother raising a beautiful child, while having my own business and also helping to run a family company, I know all too well about the challenges this kind of situation can present. 

After leaving a toxic relationship and having more than I could handle on my plate (or so I thought at the time), I used to buy into all the points of view people were projecting onto me about what it meant to be a single working mother. However, as soon as I started seeing things from a different perspective, everything changed for me. Now I have ease in dealing with anything that comes my way because what I used to see as a difficulty is now greeted with gratitude and ease. 

What might appear to some as a disadvantage or a difficult situation needing to be overcome can be seen as an advantage — an opportunity to achieve even more, a source of inspiration from which to draw strength. 

If you would like to turn a situation from difficulty into ease, here are some tips and examples that have helped me:  

1. Turning Judgment Into Gratitude

When we are judging ourselves or believing other people’s judgment of us, it actually diminishes our flexibility, our creative abilities and the ability to think ‘outside the box’. It also eliminates other possibilities and makes it harder for things to change, as we are left believing that we have no other choice but to keep walking the path of struggle we are on.

However, if we turn to gratitude instead of judgment, that can shift our perspective by flipping things on their head, opening the door for new possibilities that we might not have ever considered before that shift in perspective occurred. 

The way we look at things usually defines whether we have difficulty with the circumstances in our life rather than taking on challenges gracefully and with ease.

But when you take a broader view by looking at things from a ‘big picture’ perspective, you create more space for the possibility of having ease with any situation, however difficult it might seem. 

2. Being An Inspiration To Yourself

What if instead of a disadvantage, you viewed your circumstances as a gift?

What if all of these things that make you think you are in a lesser position are actually the things that give you strength and an upper hand in life and your career?

Once you realize that all these things you think you are juggling are actually showing you that you are far more capable than you or others have given you credit for, you begin to see that your so-called disadvantages actually help you master the art of time management, creativity and effective multitasking. Looked at this way, a disadvantage becomes a source of strength.

3. Be Willing To Ask For Help

Giving up control and the idea that you have to do it all on your own is not only liberating, but also very beneficial, especially in contributing to the ease of things. Asking for help and being vulnerable does not make you weak. In fact, it can actually be your strength and your greatest ally. Remember, if you don’t ask, people won’t know you require help. When you do so, you might just be surprised how many people would be very happy to help you.

4. Empower Your Children

We often view our children as people we have to take care of and do everything for. Some parents may even see their children as helpless or victims of circumstance. Yet, encouraging our children to help out and get involved does not mean we are taking advantage of them. Quite the opposite.

By engaging your children in activities, you are giving them a sense of empowerment and a sense of value.

As a result, they feel included and have an opportunity to contribute in their own way and not feel like a burden.

5. Take Care Of Yourself 

As mothers, we often put ourselves last. But taking care of yourself is as important as anything else. It is important to focus not only on our child or our work, but actually taking our own happiness and nurturing into account. If we are not happy and enjoying our lives, we are left depleted, a feeling that can take a toll on all other areas of our lives. Your self-care is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

So give yourself permission to nurture yourself and to be kind to yourself. The way you treat yourself is the way you will be treated by others. 

When we as women in business, especially if we are a single parent, are functioning from the point of view that our circumstances put us into a disadvantage, we often try to overcompensate and prove the opposite. Putting on our Amazon warrior armor as if we are heading into battle is usually the first ‘go to’ option for dealing with the competitive world of business. Even though that is considered a superpower, sometimes relying on your natural abilities as a woman — your charm, your body, your femininity, your creativity and your skills of manipulation — can yield far more fruitful results and open up many more doors.

So, embrace yourself and your talents as you realize that you are much more capable than you ever thought you were.

This is the type of shift in perspective that will enable you to create a life of ease that works for you.  

You may also enjoy reading I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Leave Me: How a Working Mom Learned to Show Up by Colleen Hauk

The post Overcoming the Challenges of Being a Successful Mother and Businesswoman appeared first on BEST SELF.

Working at your computer can be stressful; here are several tips and tricks to help you stay energized, relaxed and productive at your work station

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The latest technologies can help to make people’s life easier. But they also leave us seated at our office desks and chained us to various screens. A day full of important tasks and events can be especially stressful if you do not have the opportunity to take a full break. Here are a few simple tricks to help you relax at your computer:

Take a Break

No matter how strange it may sound, even a 20-second break will help you relax a bit while maintaining your productivity. It may seem that full concentration on a task will help you to finish it faster, but studies show that after forty minutes, the level of attention can be significantly reduced. To avoid this, use the ‘3×20’ rule:

Every twenty minutes, look intently at a point twenty feet away from you for twenty seconds.

This simple exercise will refresh your eyes, renew your mental focus and help you stay productive all day, especially when doing monotonous work.

Another way to relax at your computer is to use visualization. If you feel that stress interferes with your work, try to calm your nervous system. You may not be able to physically go to your ‘safe place’, but you can take a virtual trip. Imagine this place, feel the new environment — the sound of water or wind, the warmth on your skin. Smile at the new sensations and then, after a couple of minutes, return to your duties. This switching between conditions and places will allow you to calm down and reduce stress during the workday.

Often work at a computer makes us passive and laggard. Moreover, we often experience excessive fatigue or headache in the middle of the day. This may be due to incorrect screen positioning, body position at the table, or lack of water. Studies have shown that insufficient hydration of the body can lead to unpleasant consequences: headaches, increased fatigue, and irritability. Keep track of how much water you drink. Besides, a walk to the cooler is a great wy to move the body during a sedentary job.

One of the most popular ways to reduce stress is to take a deep breath.

Apply some of theseseveral breathing techniques. Remember, it is important to breathe correctly; it is also useful to combine this with visualization. Take a deep, deep breath, imagining how the air fills your lungs and penetrates deeper into the stomach. You can even push out your stomach for clarity. And then exhale, releasing air from the lungs. Repeat three times and return to work relaxed. Focusing on simple respiratory movements makes it possible to relieve a particularly acute stress state for a while.

Examine Your Workplace

Tension in the neck, shoulders, and eyes are frequent complaints by office workers. One of the main reasons is a poorly organized workplace. Check that your computer desk is fully suited to your needs by assessing its size and location. If possible, do not sit near the window to avoid glare on your screen. Or turn the monitor in such a way as to protect it from reflections from the window.

Your computer chair should also be comfortable and ergonomic. There is no need for strict adherence to the anatomical features of the body, but a supportive back and soft comfortable sitting are preferable. Make sure that the height of the chair matches your height and the height of your table/desk.

It’s also beneficial to stand at your workplace for part of the day.

If you don’t have a sit/stand elevating desk, there are many brands of risers that can be placed on the desktop and will easily elevate your computer and keyboard to standing height, so that you can switch back and forth between standing and sitting during your workday.

If you’re inclined to engage in computer games to relax during your work break, try taking your eyes off the screen and look at your desk, instead. Reorganizing and restoring order on your desk is also an excellent relaxing technique. Take non-essential items to the recycle bin, then sort papers, notes, pens, paper clips, and other stationery. A short respite of ‘desk cleaning’ will become more physically activating if you do it standing up.

Do Some Exercises to Relax the Muscles

The easiest and best way to relax your muscles after a long time sitting is to take a short walk. You can get up every hour to make a small circle around your office or do it at other time intervals. But if the walk is not possible for you, or if you are waiting for a call or have an important Skype conference, find other ways. 

For example, simply standing by your desk and bending down toward your toes to stretch your back and hamstrings can work wonders.

You can even do a few yoga postures, such as sun salutations to stretch and activate the muscles. 

Another technique is to use anti-stress toys that need to be squeezed and unclenched in the palms of your hands. Through this exercise, you will train your hands — not only your palms, but all of your arm muscles. You can also try gymnastics for the eyes by turning them without turning your head. Then turn your head to stretch and relax your neck.

If you sit a lot, you need to know how to correctly relax the muscles of your legs. Start with your toes by sliding them in your shoes and then raising and lowering them. Next, spin your ankles around in different directions then stretch both legs above the floor and bend alternately left and right. This series of stretches can be repeated several times during the day.

To relax your back muscles, sit back, bending as much as possible. Raise your hands up to stretch them even higher. Spread your shoulders and rotate them while lowering your arms along the body. Then try to sit straight for a few seconds and relax. Repeat this exercise three to five times.

There are many simple and beneficial ways to relax at your desk and avoid the physical complications of long spells in front of a screen. Taking breaks and practicing exercises like these will help you maintain your concentration and productivity throughout the working day. 

You may also enjoy reading Office Break: 7 Minute Yoga You Can Do at Your Desk, by Menna Olvera-Feder

The post Computer Calm: Tips for Staying Relaxed, Restored and Productive at Your Desk appeared first on BEST SELF.

Practicing mindfulness can open your business negotiations up for more creative solutions and productive collaborations

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The word ‘negotiation’ brings to mind an antagonistic win-lose situation. But according to the best negotiation training experts, negotiation doesn’t have to end in a win-lose outcome. In fact, long-term business negotiations should create positive, not antagonistic, relationships to serve clients and sellers alike. So how do we move from a confrontational winner vs loser mindset to create win-win outcomes? 

Here are four ways you can use mindfulness to enhance your negotiations:

Use Empathy

Making business deals involves meeting each other’s needs to achieve a common goal. Empathy in business negotiations can provide insights to better understand others. Important insights include the needs, feelings, attitudes, and thoughts of others. The best negotiation training experts gain empathy by practicing interpersonal skills such as listening, strategic questioning, openness, and positive paraphrasing.

When you’re empathetic, you’re better able to understand the challenges others face thus better able to respond to offers.

Empathetic negotiators also tend to make more justifiable counteroffers. An empathetic leader is also better positioned to create and claim value that moves talks to a win-win outcome. Displaying empathy has the power to reduce mistrust and other antisocial behavior. In fact, empathy can promote positive responses and can encourage consensus building.

Manage Emotions

Have you ever worked with a boss who thought yelling at subordinates was the best way to get things done? In most cases, displaying too much emotion make others uncomfortable and erodes trust. A boss or colleague throwing tantrums to get their way may also signal a lack of maturity. 

For a more inclusive approach, work to manage your emotions as well as those of others by:

Validating Feelings — Are your actions and those of others a result of genuine emotions or deceitful tactics? Some negotiators may use deceitful tactics to provoke a calculated reaction. If someone makes a deceitful attempt at manipulation, avoid showing emotion in return. Instead, ignore any projected actions such as outbursts or sulking.

Mental Preparation — Before entering talks, reflect on what actions and outcomes could potentially rattle emotions. Consider the ways you could maintain emotional balance if those outcomes arise.

Motivate Positive Emotions — You’re not responsible for the reactions of others. Still, you can take steps to support others to manage their emotions. Negotiators with a strong sense of awareness are better able to assess emotional triggers. When you know what can provoke strong negative emotions, you can act to avoid a negative scenario.

Be Open Minded

In business, you will often have to make and respond to offers and counteroffers. You may have to ask for and make concessions as well as claim reciprocal value. Having an open mind can make room for creating more value by soothing fears and boosting creativity. An open mind can also help you to find cost-effective solutions to business challenges. 

To practice open-mindedness during business bargaining, you can:

Consider New Opportunities — Just because someone makes a suggestion outside the normal way of working doesn’t mean the idea can’t work. Give the idea serious consideration.

Be Patient — Take time to consider each suggestion. Not all proposals need immediate approval, rejection, or counterproposal. You can continue working on other aspects of the deal as you consider the new suggestion.

Refrain from Judgments — Train yourself to pay attention to what others are saying without making judgments and responding with biases.

Practice Tolerance — Don’t be easily offended by the actions of others. Instead, try and understand the background that informs their actions.

Practice Detachment

Detachment is a spiritual principle that means an ability to separate your thoughts and emotions from your ego. For the uninformed, detachment may pass off as disinterest or aloofness.

Detachment is the acceptance of the situation as it exists in that particular moment in time.

When you’re detached, you act as an observer or a witness without judging. You take note of actions and events without letting your personal desires interfere or influence the process. Detachment enables you to walk away from unfavorable deals free of negative emotion because you have trained yourself to accept that what you may want may not be a great fit for your business.

Summary

By managing emotions without giving in to personal desires, mindfulness can open your negotiations to more creative solutions and productive collaborations. Give it a try and see what happens!

You may also enjoy reading Authenticity In the Workplace: Bringing Your Whole Self to Work by Fateme Baneshoeib

The post How to Use Mindfulness to Improve Your Business Negotiations appeared first on BEST SELF.

Mornings set the tone for the rest of your day, so make a morning routine that energizes you and prepares you to succeed

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Did you know that a healthy morning routine can set you up for success? 

Most of us only have 25,000 mornings in our adult life, so it’s vital to make the most of this time. Here are what three successful people include in their morning routine to help them have a productive morning:

• Ex- President Obama starts his day with a cardio and weight-training workout at 6:45am and then takes breakfast with his family.
• Steve Jobs started his morning by asking himself the question: “If today was the last day in my life what would I do differently?”
• Jane Austin started her day playing the piano, preparing breakfast, then eating with her family before starting her writing.
• Richard Branson, the Virgin Group CEO, gets up at 5:45 am for some workouts before he takes breakfast.
• Tim Cook, the CEO for Apple, starts his day at 4:30 am by sending emails before he goes to the gym at 5 am.
• Jack Dorsey, the Square CEO, wakes up at 5:30 am to go for a six-mile jog.

Here are a few benefits of a Healthy Morning Routine

What do you do immediately after you get up from your bed? Do you just walk out of the door or do you engage yourself in some few exercises before you take breakfast? A healthy morning routine can make a huge difference between whether your will have a successful day or a monotonous one — whether or not you are famous. A healthy morning routine can reduce your stress levels, make you happy throughout the day, and increase your productivity at the workplace. Additional benefits of a healthy morning routine include:

Improves problem-solving capabilities

Having a morning routine helps you to set your priorities, make plans, and adhere to them. Or to learn when to be flexible and adjust to changing circumstances.

Mornings become stress-free 

Having a set plan of what you are going to do once you wake up means there is no guesswork. You know that after going to work out, you’ll head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, then head to work. 

Fulfills you emotionally and spiritually

To ensure your morning routine fulfills the whole of you, start by meditating. This puts your body at rest and mind at peace, devoid of negative thoughts. You can also start your morning by reviewing your goals for the day, month, or year – both personally and professionally –  so that you’re on track with what you want to achieve in life.

Some steps to build a Healthy Morning Routine

Start your morning routine the night before. You need to get quality sleep — 7-9 hours — so that you can start your morning off right. To get the best sleep:

• Don’t use electronics before you go to bed
• Get a good mattress and pillow
• Minimize distractions (like your phone) 
• Avoid eating right before heading to bed 

Don’t make it complicated

You don’t need to go jogging, workout at home, and still go to the gym. If you plan to do a lot of things in your morning routine, you may end up doing nothing at all, paralyzed by overwhelm. You can start with one thing, then two, and gradually take on more in time.

Do some testing

Test drive the things you’ve decided to include in your morning routine to make sure they work for you. It is said that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so be patient.

Have a reminder

Write a note and place it somewhere that you will always see it, or try these tools to keep track of your habits. 

What to include in your Morning Routine 

1. Get up early

Go to bed earlier than usual to help you get up early to do for your morning routine. Getting up earlier can also boost your productivity and make you more creative.

2. Fix your bed

Shame on those who get up and leave the house without making their bed! Making your bed should be your first task of the day, because it provides order in your home, and therefore in your mind, and energizes you physically to tackle the next task and the next. 

3. Say something positive

Speaking positive things about what you want your day to be will help you visualize things you want to achieve that day. The more you focus on your affirmations, the more you’ll begin to believe that you will accomplish your goals.

4. Don’t make decisions

The morning is best suited for creative pursuits when your mind is open and free. Making important decisions in the morning drains your brain and can bring stress or negativity to your whole day. Therefore, decision-making tasks should be handled later in the day so that you have a free morning with fewer tasks to accomplish.

5. Drink lemon water

When you wake up, your energy levels are always down. To give them a boost, drink some lemon water to nourish your body with the energy it needs to carry you through the day’s activities. It also helps to improve your digestion and absorption of nutrients in your body.

6. Get some exercise

Studies have also shown that getting exercise in the morning helps to increase blood circulation, makes you stronger, mentally sharper, and releases endorphins. Other studies have also shown that exercise can help to combat depression and anxiety. The good thing about morning exercise is that you do not have to hit the gym hard; you can just take a short walk, go for a 10-minute workout, or have a quick yoga session.

7. No screen time before breakfast

Opening emails or checking Facebook messages can ruin your morning because you will start to think about other peoples’ agendas before addressing your own. Instead of opening your computer first thing, start your morning by meditating, exercising or praying…then setting your intentions for the day.

8. Eat a hearty breakfast

Ever heard the saying “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper?” This is the right time to apply it. What you eat in the morning is what fuels you for the day’s work and can make or break your ongoing performance. So, eat a proper breakfast to avoid getting hungry during the day. Avoid high-sugar and high-carb breakfasts; instead eat smoothies (ideally with at least half vegetables), a low-sugar yogurt parfait, or high-fiber foods like oatmeal and whole grains. Also include healthy fats and lean protein to fuel your body and your brain and give you sustained energy for the day.

9. Take a cold-water bath

Unlike what happens with a warm or hot water shower, a cold-water shower can boost your blood circulation, help your body process unhealthy fat, and stimulate the creation of dopamine in your body.

10. Set your daily goals 

Studies have linked having clear goals with a huge increase in confidence and feelings of control. Knowing what you are supposed to accomplish for the day puts you on the right motion and track, but it is important toset goals followed by the action steps you will take to accomplish those goals. 

11. Clean your workspace

A tidy work environment removes distractions and can help improve your concentration which, in turn, can help you to be more productive. 

12. Don’t multi-task

Multitasking can hurt your productivity, whereas doing one task at a time can improve your productivity. Since the brain is programmed to handle one task at a time, multitasking can reduce your performance tremendously. 

>For a deep dive into tips for waking up, visit How to Wake Yourself Up: 19 Quick and Long-Term Ways.

You may also enjoy reading How To Improve Your Time Management Skills by Martha Jameson

The post Have A Fantastic Day: A Morning Routine that Sets You Up For Success appeared first on BEST SELF.

Meaningful work and financial abundance are not mutually exclusive; in fact, they can and should go hand in hand to enhance your life and your creativity

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Do you think that you can’t do what you love and make great money doing it? 

Somehow in our culture we have made having a robust income and doing fulfilling work mutually exclusive — especially for professionals in the business of helping others. But what if you don’t have to give up income to do what you love?

What if loving what you do can actually increase your financial flows?

One of the biggest things that affects our financial flows is how we see the world. Our perspective and our points of view shape reality around us in dynamic and fascinating ways. When we begin to unpack the judgments that we carry about how life is, how money is, and what is valuable to us and the world, we can have the freedom to choose a perspective that actually works for us and creates something different.

Imagine you are wearing glasses that are tinted green. Everything you see will have a green hue.  Now, replace them with red glasses and everything looks red. If you didn’t know you had the glasses on, you would just assume that everything is, in fact, red. You wouldn’t know that there was a different perspective out there that might create more in your life. This is how so many of us are walking around — wearing colored glasses that we don’t even know we are wearing!

When you realize that you are functioning from a point of view that you didn’t even know was limiting you, you can change how you combine your business life with your financial life. 

Here are 3 common myths about the mix of meaningful work and money:

Myth #1: The desire for money makes you greedy

If you have the point of view that money equals greed, then you will likely not allow yourself to have or desire money because if the desire for money is bad, then you are bad… and nobody wants to be bad!  

The judgment that money is bad underlies so many things in our world that we don’t even realize. Start by looking at where this viewpoint might be running your life, unbeknownst to you. Do you ever judge wealthy people? Were you ever told as a child you should just be grateful for what you have? Do you (or did your family) have the point of view that when you don’t have money you are virtuous? 

There are so many different expressions of this widespread judgment about money. If you have them running in your life in some way, whether you know it or not, you will stop yourself from having work in the world that brings you wealth.

Myth #2: If you make good money helping others, you are taking advantage of them

So often we have the perspective that people that ‘need’ help are victims of their circumstances, not empowered people who can choose something different in their lives. This is a very common point of view that actually ends up disempowering people in ways many of us don’t realize. 

If somebody has been put in a position in life by external forces whereby they now need a charitable handout to change it, then they have to wait for the world to get them out of their circumstances. From that perspective, we don’t see people as the primary agents of change in their own lives.

When you see the people that you are helping as empowered individuals equals to you, they can actually rise up and change their lives in unimaginable ways.

Most people don’t value things that don’t cost very much. It’s just part of our human psyche. For instance, do you take better care of your car than you do of your bicycle? Probably so! That’s probably because the car costs way more money.  

When you charge a fee for your services, that creates a sense of value for you and others. As a result, the people you work with may very well get more out of working with you. Stretching to pay for something can create a sense of value in somebody’s life — and the change people choose from doing that can often be so much bigger than something they spend a small sum of money on.

Check it out in your own life or business and see if it’s true.

Myth #3: You have to work harder to make more money

This is one of the greatest limitations we use to make our lives so much more difficult than it needs to be! What if it’s just not true? What if you changed your point of view to believe that you could make more money by enjoying your work more while valuing yourself more? 

Money follows joy.

It does not have to be directly related to the hours you work or the intensity with which you work. If you have the perspective that more money requires more work, then you will max out on the amount of money that you can make when you max out on the number of hours you have to work. And if you are in the business of helping others, then you will max out on how much you can help people. For most people in helping professions, that just doesn’t work!

When you start to look from a different point of view, you realize that money is available in so many different places.

This change opens you up to the possibilities of more and different revenue streams coming into your life from everywhere. The way that you ‘find’ those revenue streams is by living your life and enjoying it! It might sound crazy, but it also sounds a lot more fulfilling than putting your nose to the grindstone for the rest of your life. 

Start to notice where meaningful work and money are at odds in your life. Where you have judged money as bad or wrong. Once you realize that those judgments are running the show, you can choose a different perspective. Suddenly you will have fresh new choices every day that can create far greater joy in your work, and wealth in your life.

It can’t hurt to try on a different perspective and see how it goes. Test the theory.

Spend a day, a week, a month doing a lot more of what you enjoy — whatever that may be — and see what shows up in every area of your life. The worst thing that could happen is you enjoy your life more for a bit. Not a bad risk!

You may also enjoy reading An Entrepreneur Who Says She Will, And Does by Anne Perry

The post How to Do What You Love and Make Money appeared first on BEST SELF.

Striking a balance between your work and home life is easier when you learn to manage your time well, involve your family, and make time for yourself.

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Trying to balance your work and family life is hard. 

You may often feel like you have too many balls in the air at the same time, constantly stressed because you fear they’ll all fall to the ground. When you’re juggling your career and your family and you don’t find a balance, both are likely to suffer. 

Making a conscious decision to find a balance is vital… and possible. Here’s how:

1. Establish Boundaries between Work and Home

Creating boundaries is the only way you can prevent your work from encroaching on your home life and your home life from distracting you at work. 

If you take work home and spend your evenings answering emails and working on projects, you’re missing out on time you should be spending with your spouse and children.

Relaxing with your loved ones will help to recharge you.

You can approach your work with renewed energy the next day instead of feeling as though you never have a break.

Perhaps you’re studying to improve your career prospects and you have an assignment you need to finish. If so, think about using an outside service such as academic writing services to save you time which you could devote to your family. Rather than spending a whole weekend writing an essay, you could use a professional writer service. This would give you more time to spend with yourfamily. 

You must be able to focus fully and work smart at work without being distracted by family problems.

Applying some time management skills at work could free up more time for you and your family. This involves issues such as understanding the difference between urgent and important tasks .

2. Involve Your Family In the Process

When you think finding a balance rests on your shoulders alone, it can be very daunting. But when you understandwhat your spouse and children are thinking and how they feel — as well as any objections they may have— will open your eyes. For starters, you will become more aware of areas where you could improve. 

Despite your desire for the perfect balance, there will always be certain occasions where you’re forced to put work first and other times when you have to put family first. 

But if you give your children some idea of the responsibilities and obligations you face at work, you helpthem understand why there are times when you’re unavoidably caught up at work. 

If you find it hard to shake off work when you walk into your home, it may help to take time to shower and changeyour clothes. Children are quick to pick up on your state of mind and you don’t want to put a damper on your time with them. 

Connect with your family through routines you can do together on a daily basis.

These don’t have to be time-consuming, so look for ways to turn regular chores, such as washing the dishes, into a bonding time. 

Your children enjoy being around you, whether it’s taking the dog for a walk or watering the garden. As long as you’re relaxed and listening to their chatter, they are happy. 

Make sure you’re home for dinner as often as possible. Eating together as a family is a wonderful opportunity to bond and stay close. If it’s late and your children have already eaten, sit down for a snack and a chat with them before they go to bed. Eating together can be a special time of the day for the whole family and give you the chance to share the day’s experiences. 

3. Get Organized

Make a decision about what hours you will work and what hours you will protect for yourself and your family. Create some systems and routines that help you to stay organized at home and at work, such as using a time management planner to help you plan your days, prioritize your tasks, and keep you on track. 

Creating a calendar can help you to keep a track of everyone’s activities.

Try to carve out time on your calendar for a date night or two every month with your spouse. Schedule one night a week as a special night for the family, such as movie night or computer game night. Your children will love having one night they know is devoted to them. 

Establish routines that help to make your life easier.

For example, you may find it worthwhile to lay out clothes and pack school lunches in the evening. If you have a list of all your errands and personal responsibilities for the day, delegate certain tasks to your spouse and your children, such as taking out the trash or feeding the dog. 

Plan your meals for the week ahead of time. There are many free printable weekly meal planners you can use which will help you feel less stressed while giving you more time for your family. 

4. Take Care of Yourself

When you’re working and raising a family, you often don’t have much time to take care of yourself. 

It is essential to exercise, eat healthily, and take time out to relax. 

Exercise gives you more energy, alleviates anxiety,and improves your focus so you’re more productive. It will also benefit your sleep. Eating healthy meals also gives you the energy you need to perform well and feel great. 

Everyone has different ways to relax, so you need to find what helps you to deal with your stress. Some people find meditation or yoga most relaxing while for others it may be watching funny videos or going for a massage. 

Balancing work and family often boils down to managing your time well.

You need to make the most of your time at work and the time with your family. Different strategies work for different people, but when you achieve a balance, you are less prone to feeling stressedout. 

There is nothing wrong with working hard, but never forget the importance of your own self-care and spending time with the people that matter most to you. 

You may also enjoy reading Family Time: 6 Tips for Creating & Maintaining Strong Family Bonds by Nora Mork

The post Family and Career: 4 Tips for Finding A Balance That Works For You appeared first on BEST SELF.

Radical self-acceptance is based on claiming and nurturing your true strengths, which builds confidence and allows you to thrive in the workplace.

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When I played tennis professionally, I saw firsthand the importance of confidence. Each day, I competed against some of the world’s top talent, but the fact was that almost everyone was playing at a similar level. Sure, a handful of players were set apart — in a league of their own. But the rest? It was all a confidence game. 

Confidence makes all the difference in every area of life.

You win when you know how to effectively increase your confidence. Although the answers lie within yourself, your internal confidence will produce external elevation. So how do you increase your confidence in the workplace?

1. The Choice: Be Yourself

Do you know who you are? Are you tapping into one of the greatest currencies in life: self-awareness?

Being at ease with yourself is the first step to being truly confident.

Think about it. The best athletes get into flow state when they are able to sink into themselves, not when they feel a tremendous amount of pressure. The most likable people you know are so relaxed that no one cares whether or not they perform perfectly. They are responding out of who they are, not reacting to pressure from the outside. (Here’s a quick and fun quiz to see how likable you are.)

In the work environment, it’s easy to forget who you are because of all the external pressures. But you have a chance to cut off that unhealthy pattern for good, to go beyond mental production to feeling what is real. 

Let’s make this super practical. Next time you arrive at your workplace, take five minutes to sink into your breath. Scan your body and stay with what you feel. This will keep you from the temptation of getting outside yourself and trying to prove your value.

Instead, as you breathe, you will feel what is true and make the conscious decision to be yourself.

Now that you feel connected, you’re ready to do your best work.

2. The Shift: Only Do What You’re Great At

Are you a fish trying to climb a tree? It’s a ridiculous picture, right? And yet, in the workplace, so many ‘fish’ think they have to struggle up that tree.

To do your best work with confidence, you need to be sure that what you’re doing is in alignment with who you are.

If you’re a fish, you need to be swimming, not climbing. It’s as simple as that.

So, how do you make this shift? First, we have to understand that we train people around us how to see us and treat us. When you proactively focus on and pursue what you’re great at, others will see who you are and respond. 

At first, you will experience some tension because you’re changing the game. You’re saying no when you used to say yes. This brings up a lot of new feelings — for you and for everyone else. But soon enough, you’ll find that others are only asking you to do fish things.

You’ll find that you have more energy than ever before. You’ll find that you’re no longer struggling.

Instead, you’re placing the most value on what comes the easiest. When you are primarily doing what you are good at doing your confidence will skyrocket. 

3. The Commitment: Hone Your Craft

Once you’re only doing what you’re really great at the majority of the time, it’s time to put the pedal down and become an absolute expert. Now that you’ve committed to you, you have the space to do the work.

All that extra time you once spent handling all the minutiae you can now spend honing your craft. 

Keep in mind that this step should not feel painful. Lady Gaga has to train and hone her craft, but she takes joy in the process and as a result, she experiences a great reward. When she steps into the studio to practice, she comes alive. When she steps onto the stage, she captivates thousands.

What is your studio? What is your stage? There you’ll find joy, and there you’ll find your reward.

Are you ready to feel true confidence in the workplace? Then it’s time to stop struggling and fighting your way to the top. It’s time for radical self-acceptance. Will there be tension as you change the game? Yes. Does this process work? Absolutely. But now you’re ready for exponential results.

You may also enjoy reading The Importance of Intention to Create Freedom and Aliveness by Carter Miles

The post Radical Self Acceptance: 3 Keys to Increasing Your Confidence In the Workplace appeared first on BEST SELF.

Reducing our digital footprint combined with a nurturing morning routine can help you reclaim your power, purpose and joy in daily life.

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Information is no longer a scarce resource — attention is.

Clive Thompson

Our lives today are more digital-centric than ever. In addition to being surrounded by gadgets, we rely heavily upon technology for mundane tasks, such as fact checking or finding directions. While this shift has certainly contributed to convenience in our lives, over-dependence on technology can take its toll on the human mind — and soul. 

Schools have started getting rid of analog clocks now as children can no longer read them due to their dependence on the digital clock. One in ten university students is reported to have problematic internet usage patterns. And personal human connection has dissipated, replaced by virtual communication. As the new generation grows to become our next workforce, there are some very real problems that we need to mitigate. 

Most importantly, we need to identify if we are also a part of the problem and ignoring it.

Most of us find ourselves stuck in a toxic cycle where we start and end our days with our gadgets and are perpetually guilty about letting technology run our lives. This cycle can be broken by making small changes to our mornings through digital minimalism.

What is Digital Minimalism?

Digital minimalism is the practice of using technology only as much as needed. This includes de-cluttering your digital footprint, as well as reducing the influence of technology on your life. 

Digital minimalism has been recently getting a lot of acceptance as people are coming to realize how damaging technology can be to our life and health. Various Silicon Valley parents have advocated for the implementation of monitored and restricted screen time — and it has made the world take note of how loosely we have let technology slide into our lives and influence it. 

Digital minimalism presents itself as a remedy for the overuse of technology around us.

Especially when practiced in the mornings, digital minimalism can completely change your days.

The importance of mornings

So why should we practice digital minimalism in the morning particularly? 

We often hear the phrase, morning is the most important time of the day, but we never question the rationale behind it. Morning is the time when your mind is at its sharpest. Your body is fresh, and your thoughts are running at the speed of light. So, when you establish a morning routine, you are essentially training your mind to be its most positive and productive self for the rest of the day. Waking up early and following a morning routine can result in the following benefits:

• Morning people are known to be more self-disciplined and more in control of their days as compared to night owls.

• Setting up a morning routine (and following it) sets the right tone for the rest of the day. When you start your day right, the rest of the day follows.

• Getting done with your chores or planned activities early in the day ensures that you do not stress about them later. As a result, a morning routine can decrease your stress levels significantly.

There are endless benefits to starting your morning right, and with digital minimalism, you can set the right routine for your day.

Starting your morning the right way

So how do you go about setting up your morning routine? Whatever your day looks like, the following tips should help you devise a plan for your mornings:

• Give yourself at least an hour without your gadgets in the morning. This will encourage creativity and your brain will process more things by itself rather than responding to a screen.

• Develop a routine for yourself. If you keep your mornings flexible, you will end up wasting away most of your mornings. Instead, develop a routine which leaves no space for thought. Just get up and do it.

• Design a routine that make you happy, doing things that make you feel good. Whether it is going for a run, playing music, writing, meditating or taking a walk in the garden, do things that bring you joy and feed your soul — before settling into work. This will set you up to remain energized all day long.

• Have a filling, healthy breakfast. Nobody can win the world on an empty stomach; fortify your reserves before heading out for the day.

• Plan your upcoming day the previous night. Planning in advance will give you a guideline to work upon as opposed to simply winging it throughout the day. Remember, if you don’t design your day, it will be designed for you… usually by the agendas of others.

Live a focused life

Clive Thompson said, “Information is no longer a scarce resource — attention is.” He is right; we are constantly glancing at our phones for updates and reminders, as if we are going to miss out on the next big thing. This constant FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is affecting the quality of our life and disrupting our focus.

It is important to live a life full of meaning and intention, which requires focus.

For this, it is important to be mindful of our daily activities, actions, and choices. Unplugging once in a while, or several times through your day, will help you utilize the technology better. 

So why not start now? How about beginning by unplugging your mornings?

You may also enjoy reading The Power of Off: you Best Self in Virtual World, by Nancy Colier

The post Digital Minimalism: How to Manage Technology to Reclaim Your Life appeared first on BEST SELF.

Digital leaders need a collaborative and agile approach to leadership grounded in human nature with face-to-face interactions, despite geographic distance.

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The role of a leader is always changing, especially as the workforce adapts to new ways of doing business. With many workers now operating from multiple locations, leaders need to know how to explain things clearly and be more direct and to the point. It is not just small businesses that are changing; these leadership directives are also being implemented in some of the biggest companies in the world.

Google’s project Oxygen was designed to identify how successful Google managers led their teams. The research found that teaching, rather than just training, helped their staff improve their competencies. Something that is crucial in the modern digital workforce where more employees work independently. 

Entrepreneur notes that digital leaders have the necessary experience and skills to take a company forward with a digital transformation. They take advantage of their company’s digital assets to maintain a competitive advantage and have interdisciplinary skills that help solve work-related concerns. They have an open-minded understanding of growing business functions, industries, and technologies, and use data-driven analysis to streamline and improve the workforce. 

Digital leaders are also known to focus on outcomes over outputs.

They are able to recognize that digital transformation is not only about technology, but also structure and customer relations. In the past, traditional leaders often adopted a top-down style of leadership. Today, digital leaders need to use a more fluid, collaborative, and agile approach.

Digital leaders also need to be able to find a way to digitalize their organizations without compromising company values and employee welfare. In an outlook for organizational leadership graduates published at Maryville University, they explain how there is a growing demand for leaders who understand the structures needed to manage remote workers. According to Baruch College marketing professor Robb Hecht, good digital leaders ground themselves in human nature. “Being a digital leader requires a bit more effort than traditional leaders who have that face-to-face interaction daily,” he said. 

A digital leader still needs to be able to connect to members on both a personal and professional level in order to create a sense of community and make sure everyone works efficiently.

A remote manager also needs to understand the value of making time for face-to-face interactions. 

For example, being a digital leader allowed me to work remotely without impacting productivity. I am able to connect with my team virtually through video calls and instant messaging. However, Fast Company emphasizes that even video calls aren’t enough; leaders need to set aside enough resources to host team meetings and retreats.

Additionally, digital leaders also need to demonstrate a clear vision and commitment when it comes to creating a healthy work culture.

Jive Software CEO Elisa Steele often gets asked how she maintains a work-life balance, and in an article for Fortune, she said: “I’ve come to realize that there is no such thing of work-life balance. Instead, I just live my life, which includes what I do at work, with my family, and in my community.” Steele explains that as the CEO of a global company, she’s often on the road working — sometimes even across time zones. “We communicate using blogs, videos, polls, discussion forums, groups, and teams. This blurs physical location lines and creates a sense of connectedness across the organization. This not only helps me stay aligned with the team while I’m away, but it helps our global employees work better together,” she said.

Introducing digital practices is not only good for a leader’s personal life, it can greatly improve how businesses operate. For one, it helps cultivate a culture that allows employees to maximize the work tools they already have. Digital leadership is also a great way to improve how employees work, which can help increase productivity and a company’s revenue stream. Instant messaging tools allow managers to communicate just as easily with their teams. Choosing digital leadership can also help lower operational costs as there is no need to invest in a physical office. 

Perhaps one of the most overlooked ways to become a good leader is to be a good follower. In Best Self, Fateme Banishoeib wrote about an important lesson about the benefits of incorporating fellowship into our approach to leadership. Good leaders should be excellent followers. Learning how to be a better leader requires embracing your inner follower.

You may also enjoy reading Embracing Resistance as an Intuitive Guide at Work and Beyond by Justine Pattantus.

The post What It Means to Be A Leader in the Digital Age appeared first on BEST SELF.

Your mindset is everything. Adopt the right mindsets and you can achieve greater success in both the workplace and in your personal life.

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Success is a state of mind. Once you accept that fact, you can work towards developing the mindset that is most conducive for success rather than believing that success is something that comes to people with different qualities than you. 

Here are four mindsets integral to successful careers:

1. Never Stop Learning

Successful people see life as a never-ending journey towards self-improvement. This is exactly the mindset you need to develop to follow in their footsteps.

Learning can take on any number of forms, so we are not talking solely about conventional classroom education.

Keep yourself up-to-date with webinars, podcasts, and online tutorials. Read interesting and diverse articles on all manner of subjects. Attend events. Never stop speaking with other people, and don’t limit this just to people inside your industry. Many lessons can be learned by reaching across the fence into other, often unrelated, sectors. 

According to Gordon Tidd, a lifestyle blogger at Writinity  and Lastminutewriting, there is one other vital way of learning. “Really analyze your mistakes. Why did you make them? What can you do to ensure that you do not make that mistake again? What does the mistake tell you about yourself and your choices? Learning is usually a trial-and-error process but take the time to look into what really went wrong.”  

2. Set and Reach Achievable Objectives and Targets

Procrastination is one of the greatest dangers facing business people because it eats up valuable time. The secret, which really is not much of a secret at all, is to continuously set small, and eminently achievable targets which can be realistically met. Break the journey into smaller steps and see how your ability to hit these objective targets soon breeds success by removing that dreaded procrastination from the table.

Successful people are always driving forward; they never remain static. 

Even making the wrong decision from time to time is better than making no decision at all because you are continuing to learn and propel yourself towards your ultimate target. You may not even have an ultimate target, but as long as you have clearly defined and achievable goals always in mind — and you are always working towards those — then you are doing something rather than just thinking about doing something.

And one more point: be selective. Only get involved in projects that you can see as being achievable. Many people suffer from getting involved in too many projects at once, believing this to be the ultimate representation of really doing something. Yet this is entirely the wrong approach. Successful people are extremely selective about what they involve themselves in. They only take on a handful of projects at one time, ensuring that they see things through before moving onto the next project or milestone. 

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Take Risks

All too often, we inhabit a world of comfort. There is nothing wrong with that per se, but the longer we spend in a zone of such serenity, the more difficult it becomes to ever do something outside of that realm. 

Being a risk-taker absolutely does not mean being reckless or making decisions with abandon which can seriously affect all those around you. “We are talking about small, courageous jumps into the unknown which are calculated in nature. At the same time, we are talking about never not doing something because it is new, unfamiliar, or slightly intimidating. This is all connected to the idea of moving forward and not procrastinating. Fear is detrimental to both of these targets,” comments Roger Salazar, a personal development writer at  Draft Beyond and Researchpapersuk.

4. Believe in Yourself

This last mindset is the easiest on paper, but perhaps the most difficult to achieve in reality. A lack of self-belief is something that many of us suffer from at various points in our life, mostly because we take our deficiencies and mistakes to heart, not to mention all the little criticisms and critiques that regularly come our way.

The fact is that our opinion of ourselves seriously influences our decision-making. 

A chronic lack of self-belief will make every step forward feel like hard work, and that is no way to proceed. Your body language will always give away what you truly believe, thus hampering your ability to sell your product and yourself. If you don’t believe in the product or service that you are selling, then how will anybody else?

So what can be done? Self-doubt truly is a mindset that can be shifted. There are tried-and-tested techniques such as visualizing and developing positive thinking processes. Read books on self-belief and surround yourself with people who truly believe in you. It will rub off.

You may also enjoy reading Adapt, Heal & Thrive: A Q&A with Dr. Chad Woodard, by Bill Miles

The post 4 Mindsets That Can Drive You Towards Success appeared first on BEST SELF.

Being an effective leader is challenging, but there are 6 steps you can take to help yourself and your employees.

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Anyone who has ever flown on a commercial airline is probably familiar with the part of the pre-flight safety demonstration that tells us in case of an emergency to strap on your own oxygen mask before helping others. This same idea can be applied to being an effective business leader — you can’t do a good job taking care of your employees unless you also look after yourself. 

As leaders, we know full well how much time and energy we must expend if we want to be successful managers. The only problem is that it’s easy for us to get wrapped up in guiding others to only wind up without a lifeline (or oxygen mask) for ourselves, leading to even more stress and loss of productivity. 

Fortunately, there are a number of things you can do to improve your personal growth while also remaining a strong leader for your employees:

Be Present

Getting ahead of yourself is far too easy, especially in the work world. There are deadlines hanging over your head, meetings to prepare for, and many other things that take up one’s time and energy. While it’s good to be prepared, it’s also important to ground yourself in the present. If you’re having a discussion with a coworker, concentrate on what he or she is saying and don’t allow your mind to wander to tasks you have to do tomorrow. You can’t tackle them until then anyways, so why waste time focusing on what you can’t do right now? 

Redefine Failure

Any good leader has failed at one point in his or her career — it’s inevitable. What matters is how you handle that failure and learn from it that will set you apart from the crowd. Perhaps your client presentation didn’t go as planned. Rather than get frustrated or sulk, take any constructive criticism and learn from it so that you don’t make the same mistake twice.

Simply put, look at failure as a learning experience, because that’s exactly what it is.

Learn Something New

One of the quickest ways to achieve personal growth is by taking the time to learn something new. Maybe there’s a computer program you’ve been thinking about learning or perhaps your public speaking skills need some brushing up. Whatever it is, rather than think about it, actually do it. You’re never too old or too high up on the corporate ladder to learn something new. As soon as you begin thinking that you know everything, you become complacent. 

Set Up Milestones

Just as you would expect your employees to have a roadmap of where they want their career to be in one, five, ten, or twenty years, so should you. Figure out what some of your career goals are then write them down on paper with a timeline of how you’ll achieve each one. Every few months, consult back to your list and take note of any progress you’ve made. Nothing feels better and is more motivational than achieving a milestone and crossing it off your list. 

Lead with Compassion 

As leaders, we’re the ones who employees look to when it comes to setting the tone of a workplace. Show members of your team that you genuinely care about them and want to see them succeed.

Effective leadership is impossible in workplaces riddled with micro-management, dishonesty, and other negative behavior.

Instead, do the exact opposite. Being an active leader who’s invested in their employees’ well-being can do wonders for not only the employee, but also for you as a leader. 

Take on Good Habits

Habits get a bad rap, but in reality, doing certain things with regularity can be beneficial. Maybe it’s making the effort to write a handwritten thank you note as opposed to sending off a hastily written email. Or maybe it is dedicating a certain amount of time each afternoon to quiet reflection that gives your mind a moment of rest from work-related stress. Whatever it may be, by beginning to execute these habits with regularity, you’ll soon find that they become second nature and just another part of your day-to-day tasks.  

You may also enjoy reading Effective Leadership: 6 Steps to Real Time Accountability by Meg Manke

The post How Practicing Personal Growth Can Make You a Better Leader appeared first on BEST SELF.

Making the most of your time is a challenge we all face. Here are 11 tips to help you develop effective time management skills.

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Time management is one of the most important skills any of us can have. It matters in all aspects of your personal and professional lives. With good time management we can have less stress, more free time and more fun in our lives. 

But, unfortunately, most people aren’t that good at it. 

Sure, they will finish all of their daily tasks and duties, but once done, they leave zero time for themselves.

This is bad because it can cause a burnout that will prevent us from being productive in the future. We end up tired, sloppy in our work, with no drive or desire to move forward. 

But, if you can learn to manage your time properly every day, you will have more free time to have fun and to rest, all while finishing all of your daily work.

Here are 11 tips to improve your time management skills: 

1. Schedule Your Time — This is one of the most obvious tips, yet we somehow always seem to forget it or give up on it at some point. But scheduling your time is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your work. There are several ways you can do this. You can get a bullet journal and schedule your time there. It’s effective and very organized so you’ll have no trouble finding your lists. You can also schedule your time on your phone. This is great because it allows you to have notifications, alerts and so on.Although you can schedule your week, your month, or your day, daily or weekly schedules prove to be the most effective since they give you a swift overview of your most obvious tasks. 
2. Delegate or Outsource — This may be a bit of a cheat, but it’s a completely legal cheat. When you find yourself struggling with too much work, you shouldn’t try to do it all on your own. Rather, delegate that extra work to someone else. You don’t have to be in control of every single thing in your professional life and it’s okay to get someone else to do your work when needed — especially if it’s a tedious task that brings less value than your other tasks.
3. Decide on Your Priorities — When you find yourself piled up under many different tasks, one of the best techniques is to prioritize. Not all of those tasks are equally urgent or important; some of them can be done later.So, prioritize the most urgent tasks first to get them out of the way. Then do the most important things next. Leave all of the other tasks for later. This will help you stay organized and focused on what’s most important. 
4. Create Deadlines for Yourself — We often don’t know how to get started without strict deadlines because we just don’t feel motivated enough. However, with deadlines, getting started seems to be no problem. So, try setting deadlines for yourself whenever you have an important task on your hands, even if it doesn’t have a deadline. This will move you to start sooner. 
5. Eliminate Distractions— Distractions like phone, social media, email, and so on are nothing but time eaters. You enter your email account and it tricks you into feeling productive when you are actually not. Social media does the same — unless your job is directly related to social media and you are actually doing something that brings value there. So, turn all notifications off and ask people not to disturb you. Set boundaries. For example, explain what can be taken as an urgent call and what is most definitely not an urgent call. 
6. Say No — Learning to say no to other people isn’t easy at all. “You often feel pushed into tasks that you don’t want to or don’t have time to do. This is what makes your to-do list so big,” says Asima Dala, a HR executive. However, you should learn to say no to people delegating their tasks on to you when you are too busy with your own tasks. It’s okay when you have time, but it’s most definitely not when you don’t. Make sure that you develop this habit in order to save your sanity. 
7. Don’t Multi-task — Multitasking tricks you into thinking that you are productive, even more so than checking your email. In fact, you are far from being productive because your brain needs to focus on one task at a time and not more. This is why scheduling is so important, so focus on each task one at a time. This way you will make less mistakes and be more productive in general.
8. Wake Up Early — Getting up early gives you that extra time in the day to do whatever suits you. Some people love mornings and work best in the morning, so that is when they do their most urgent or important tasks. Some people don’t really like mornings, so they take this time to meditate, have their rest, or just get started with some simple tasks. 
9. Create A ‘Done’ List — To-do lists are famous, yet they often just add more, not less, stress to your life. But ‘done’ lists are the complete opposite. When you do something, write it down as done. This will motivate you and help you find inspiration for more work. You will also work faster. 
10. Get the Easy Wins First — “Some people can’t get started with the hardest tasks or the tasks that are the most urgent. The pressure it creates stops them from being productive. So, what might suit you more is to get rid of the easy and simple tasks first and then you feel motivated to finish the harder tasks,” says Gordon Thomas, a productivity blogger.
11. Take Plenty of Breaks — Breaks help you refresh and feel better for more work. You can use the Pomodoro technique or take breaks whenever you finish a task.

While time-management may seem a bit difficult to learn well, you can definitely do it. Get started with some of these tips and hopefully you’ll be great at it soon.

You may also enjoy reading 8 Tips for Managing Change and Thriving During Life Transitions by Dr. Bojana Jankovic Weatherly

The post How To Improve Your Time Management Skills appeared first on BEST SELF.

How do you react when you don’t think about it? Do you react from a place of fear or from love? Pause, take a deep breathe and then act deliberately.

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I believe people are either moving towards love or running from fear. 

We do this in every daily activity. Think about driving in your city and how many people won’t let you cut in front of them into their lane because they’re afraid they’ll be late and not get to their destination in time. Maybe you’re one of those people who won’t let people in? The truth is that by letting someone in front of you, it will probably make you about 30 seconds later in your arrival. Pretty silly then that more people won’t let people move in front of them. 

How often do people not let people in front of them whether it’s on the road, supermarket, post office or wherever? Sometimes, it can even turn into a hostile situation, as in the examples of road rage. In these situations, the person is typically coming from a fear-based place which causes contraction and constriction. Both their body and mind are tightening up making the only possible response: NO. Even while writing about this topic, I can feel my shoulders tighten up and become uncomfortable.  

According to studies, anywhere from 40-75% of our behavior and thoughts are the same as they were yesterday… and will be the same tomorrow.

That means you probably didn’t let anyone cut in front of you yesterday and probably won’t tomorrow.  In fact, you didn’t even have to think about it. You are so sure in your belief that not allowing someone to cut in front of you is a good thing because that worked for you in the past, so you’ll repeat that behavior again.  

Something you learned or observed years ago when you were a child taught you that it wasn’t safe to let someone in front of you — maybe because you interpreted that to mean that the other person thought they were better or more important than you. Or on the flipside, maybe you believe that you’re the important one which means everyone goes after you. Or maybe because you were taught that there could only be one ‘winner,’ so by letting another in front of you that would make you the loser. Or maybe you learned that it’s each man/woman for himself and that this was about your survival. 

There could be all sorts of stories that you have playing around in your head of why you can’t let someone cut in front of you.  All of those stories are all fear-based.  

Imagine if for any of these scenarios you were able to take a deep breath and then decide what you want to do.

The next time someone wants to cut in front of you — whether it’s in traffic, at the supermarket, or at the post office — take a deep breath and decide what the best response in that situation is. Learn to be fully present when you make that decision instead of operating from a place of being unconscious. 

There are times when It may make sense to allow someone in; there may be times when it doesn’t.  However, by making your response on a situation-by-situation basis, you’ll be more in charge of how you show up and in turn, how much success comes to you.  

So, what does this have to do with having more success? 

I believe that most of the time you’re shutting off success from coming to you because you aren’t even present to allow the good things to happen to you.

As you go through your days with your robotic, unconscious behavior, you’re missing out on so much.

What if the person who wanted to cut in front of you had connections to an opportunity you wanted to be part of? By you closing yourself off, you’ll never know. 

We’ve all seen that scene in a comedy where someone drives in front of someone else to grab a particular parking spot because they have a job interview. They’re rushing around in a big hurry, paying no attention to anyone else. Once inside, they discover that the person they outmaneuvered was the person interviewing them. You can guess the likelihood of that person getting the job!  

There’s a middle-class fallacy that speed equals more success. Instead, I’m recommending that you slow down. Breathe. Allow yourself the opportunity to choose what your responses will be each time. Then notice what happens as a result. If you’re moving through your day based on habits, you are closing yourself off in more areas of your life than you can count and are even aware of.

Next time someone wants to cut in front of you, try coming from a place of love and do this:

1. Take a deep breath.
2. Count to five.
3. Ask yourself what’s true about letting this person cut in front of you.
4. Ask yourself if saying yes to this person will cause you harm or make you feel unsafe.
5. Make your decision based on your answers to those questions.
6. Notice how expansive it feels to offer to let someone in front of you before they even ask.

Try making this change in this small area of your life. Then try a different response in another area of your life. Watch the results and notice your confidence and feelings of positivity continue to grow. As these emotions increase, you will automatically be magnetizing more success into your life because you’re changing the energy you put out which means you’ll be changing the energy you attract. You’ll stop contracting and instead become expansive. 

Change happens one step at a time, so be patient as you get comfortable with this new practice. And trust me when I say that more success will be on the way to you. It always happens! 

You may also enjoy reading Living on the Offense or Defense: Replacing Reactivity with Understanding by Anette Quarrier

The post Choose Love: A Vital Strategy for More Success appeared first on BEST SELF.

Only have 20 minutes? That’s enough time to work out, to wind down, to get creative, to learn something new, to organize your life or get some needed sleep!

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If you work eight hours a day, chances are you feel like you never have enough time in the day to do everything you want to. Hell, I only work seven hours a day yet find my day disintegrating when I get out of work at 4:00. By the time I get home, cook, eat dinner, and clean up, it’s usually 7:00 and I find myself struggling to get the energy to work out, write, read, and meditate — all those healthy things I was originally planning to do. Naturally, this was making me a stressed mess because I had so much I wanted to do, yet no time to do it.

How was I supposed to sit down and write for an hour after the exhaustion of work, cooking, and cleaning up after dinner (which, I’ll argue, is also a lot of work)? 

Part of the problem with my mentality was that I was telling myself that I needed at least an hour to write, read, or work out. I bet most people believe this. I’ve definitely heard some of my friends say that they need to go to the gym for at least an hour to feel as though they’ve accomplished anything. But if you work a nine to five, go to the gym for an hour, get a hot meal on the table (which usually takes at least an hour), and meditate for an hour, you’ll probably find yourself falling asleep during your meditation. 

When you factor in commute times from work to the gym to home, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to support this “I need at least one hour” mentality. 

Lately I’ve been able to squeeze a little more in because I’m trying this new thing: Instead of letting a task determine how long it will take, I will determine how long I will do a task. To make my ambitions more time manageable, I chose 20 minutes as a standard time because it’s long enough to immerse yourself in work (I wrote most of this article in 20-minute spurts) but short enough that it doesn’t seem like too much of a time commitment after a long day of work. And if you’re one of those people who has two jobs or frequently finds themselves with awkward gaps of time, you can easily set aside at least 20 minutes of that time to do any of the following things. 

I used to frequently pass an awkward 20-minute time gap watching a re-run of Friends that I’d already seen three times before, but I can guarantee you that there are better ways to protect you from the predictability of the all-too familiar laugh track. 

Through my own experimentation, here’s my list of 20 things you can do in 20 minutes:

GET ACTIVE

1.  Go for a walk — Yes, it will be a short walk, but guess what? 20 minutes of walking around your neighborhood is definitely better for you than sitting on the couch mindlessly eating chips. In order to gauge the time, I set a timer on my phone for 10 minutes so I know I have enough time to turn around and get back. If you have a hilly neighborhood and you know you’re short on time, make it a goal to get up and down one large hill.

2.  Lift free weights — I’m not talking a major workout here, but if you have a little time to kill and know you can’t squeeze in a workout later, you might as well pick up those free weights at either your company’s gym or at your home gym. This is generally a no-to-low sweat workout, so if you normally like to sweat a lot, this option may not be for you.

3.  Work out with YouTube — YouTube is so underrated when it comes to exercise. Obviously if you don’t have time for a shower, you don’t want to sweat much, so I recommend lower impact workouts such as pilates, barre, or yoga. Just because you’re short on time doesn’t mean you can’t get toned!

RELAX

4.  Meditate — You can meditate by trying to sit still with your thoughts (and working to eventually not think), or you can use an app, like Headspace. If you choose to go without the app, I recommend setting a timer so you don’t run late for your next appointment or fall asleep!

5.  Give yourself a massage — I know, this sounds weird, but seriously, who doesn’t get tense in their shoulders? I’m far from an expert on self-massage (or yoga), but this 10-minute video can definitely get your juices flowing:

6.  Masturbate — If your hands get sidetracked on their way to massage your feet, that’s fine too! Not only does masturbation feel great, but it’s also a great way to relieve sexual tension and can even help you sleep better. And what better way to kill time than by pleasuring yourself?

GET CREATIVE

7.  Draw or color— I failed fifth grade art, so I usually stick with coloring, but I suppose if you’re talented, you could set a timer and sit down to draw. In that case, all you need is a pencil and paper. If you’re artistically challenged like me, you need an adult coloring book (or a children’s one if you really can’t color within the lines) and some markers or colored pencils.

8.  Write — I assume at least half of you will skip this recommendation, but for all those writers out there reading this, know this: You do not need a day, an afternoon, or even an hour to set aside time for writing. I realize that Stephen King preaches 4-6 hours a day, but for those of us who aren’t yet fortunate enough to write novels for a living, 20 minutes is better than nothing. Is it optimal? No, but you can still produce 200-500 more words than you would have if you told yourself you didn’t have time to write. Those who aren’t so inclined to write novels can use a spare 20 minutes to journal their thoughts.

9.  Read — Again, set a timer! That way you can become absorbed in what you’re reading without needing to check the time obsessively. I know there are slow readers, and that’s fine. To them, I’ll say this: every little bit adds up. It doesn’t matter if you only get through five pages in that time frame. Those pages will add up over time. It just matters that you enjoy the time you spend reading.

10.  Practice a musical instrument — If you have both an instrument and the desire, that is. 20 minutes may not seem like a lot, but it’s enough time to do a few run-throughs of a song you’ve been working on or hone in on a particularly challenging part of a piece.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW

11.  Learn a new language — There are so many apps out there for language learning, but the one I’m most familiar with is Duolingo. The regular level and the casual level both take less than 20 minutes to achieve each day, so if you’re already on these apps, think about maximizing your efficiency by squeezing your learning in as part of your after-work rituals.

12.  Watch a TedTalk — These talks were designed to be short and sweet, so most of them are less than 20 minutes. The best part? Ted is now an app, so you can plug in your earbuds in the doctor’s office and listen to a TedTalk instead of reading last year’s issue of People magazine. 

13.  Listen to a Podcast — This is a similar concept to a TedTalk, but if you’re in the mood to listen more for entertainment than specifically for learning, this is the option for you. If you’re new to the podcast world, or just want to expand your horizons, check out this list of the best podcasts.

OTHER RANDOM STUFF YOU CAN DO

14.  Clean — I know some people find cleaning relaxing, but I’m not one of those people so it’s been delegated to the ‘Other’ category. What can you clean in 20 minutes? Well, you can certainly start with the dishes in the sink. You could also unload your dishwasher or wipe down your counters or bathroom vanity. I’m not saying that your house will be spotless in 20 minutes, but you can make some progress.

15.  Organize a drawer (or counter) — Have you been meaning to put your bank statement away so that it won’t continue to haunt you? You can always take a spare 20 minutes and use it to clear the clutter on your counter and organize small stuff, like a desk drawer or a cabinet in your kitchen.

16.  Chop veggies — Or do some other small meal prep tasks. You can even turn that rerun of Friends on in the background for some entertainment while you slice and dice.

17.  Plan for the day or week ahead — Organizing doesn’t just apply to your house. Think of 20 minutes as a chance to breathe and ponder and then make a to-do list for the next day.

18.  Catch up on the news — If you can watch it without wanting to chuck your remote at the TV that is. If you’re like me and you have very little patience, I suggest using a news app, such as Flipboard, so you can put the news down the second you start getting angry or depressed.

19. Play with your pet — Your dog that’s obsessed with fetch will love this one, but dogs aren’t the only ones who like to play. Invest in a laser pointer for your cat and you’ll get a comedy show while your cat gets some exercise. If you have a rodent or reptile, you can take them out of their cage for some quality time (just not both at the same time). I suppose if you have fish you could stare at them for 20 minutes, but that might get boring fast.

20. Sleep — I know, I know, this should have been at the top of the list, but how many people would have read all the way to number 20 if I had put it first? Sara C. Mednick, PhD, sleep expert and author of Take a Nap! Change your Life! has touted the many benefits of a 20-minute power nap, including increased alertness and motor learning skills. So why not sleep if you can’t muster up the energy to do any of the above 19 tasks?

You may also enjoy trying our Best Self Yoga Flow for Flexibility and Relaxation with Carter Miles

The post 20 Things You Can Do For Yourself If You Only Have 20 Minutes appeared first on BEST SELF.

Six steps that leaders can practice to make for a more accountable and more productive work-team.

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Every leader has a dream day scenario of the office. You know the one. You step through the doors of your building at 7:01 a.m. and your team is already there. Every member. And they aren’t just present — they have their heads down and their gears grinding. You take a few more steps, cringing in anticipation of the barrage of “help me fix this” and “you’re just in time” that you are usually greeted with. Instead, on this perfect day you simply get a few “hellos.” You’re pleased to discover that waiting for you on your desk are the reports that aren’t due until 10:00 a.m. 

Today — your dream day — everyone on the team is 100% accountable.

Employees meet deadlines, middle management successfully juggles their responsibilities, and at the end of this glorious day no one is frustrated with anyone else for forgetting to turn something in. No one drops the ball. The company behaves like the well-oiled machine that you always imagined it would be. 

Reality looks different, sometimes way different. Disagreements happen. Drama ignites over at the water cooler. Team members take too long for lunch. People show up late and forget to turn in their work. They act, well, like humans. 

Accountability can be so tricky to integrate into company culture. It’s such an easy concept to understand, yet paradoxically difficult to implement. You ask your employees to be more accountable, and then nothing. You send out memos, set up meetings, you even try a company picnic. No results.

Why is accountability so finnicky? 

The first hard truth about accountability is that it’s a trait an individual chooses to demonstrate.

Hear that? Chooses to demonstrate. Every day every member of the team (including leadership) wakes up and has to choose to act responsibly. It’s not something that leadership can coerce or bully their team into — at least not with lasting results. 

The second hard truth is that accountability isn’t easy to quantify or evaluate.

Leadership can predict an increase or decrease in sales or profits through numbers and figures, but when accountability decreases, leadership is usually blindsided by a disaster, finding out in hindsight that a lack of accountability was to blame. Furthermore, because leadership rarely hears the whole story, they hardly ever have a clue as to who is or isn’t being accountable at any given moment. That’s what makes accountability so valuable to an organization and what makes it so challenging to inspire in others. That’s also why it’s been a bestselling topic for the last half-century. 

So how does leadership hold their team accountable in real time? While implementing accountability in our own organization, we’ve come up with six tools that promote personal accountability throughout the organization:

1. Address problems head on

When a leader addresses problems head on, as soon as they arise, they can stop the issue from snowballing out of control. An issue is so much easier to fix in the beginning, before it becomes far reaching and complicated and before it has the potential to devastate the company. The head on approach has the added benefit of encouraging others in the team to do the same. Just make sure that you address the problem calmly and carefully because you don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 

2. Focus on the work

Blame-shifting and finger-pointing destroy accountability. When the conversation is focused on ‘whodunit,’ the team starts working to absolve themselves of any wrong doing instead of focusing on how to get back on track. A good leader teaches their team how to improve in the future as opposed to teaching them how to throw colleagues under the bus.

3. Talk it out

Take the time to talk about what happened when goals aren’t met. That doesn’t mean dwell in the past, pass the blame torch around, or take turns explaining how each person goofed. It simply means to talk about what happened and to make sure everyone feels good about moving forward. Encourage team members to think, blink, breath, and move on. 

4. Call out excuses

It may take some time and practice to get to the point where you can call out excuses. It can take years to craft a culture where team members feel comfortable enough to give and receive critique without taking it too personally. Keep in mind, delivery is everything, so keep it impersonal and all about the work. You can say something like: “That doesn’t sound like a solution to our problem, what is a solution?” When you get it right, calling out excuses creates an environment where excuses aren’t given a platform. “I turned this in late because I’m having car problems” transforms into “I turned this in late and I’ll do better next time.” That’s an accountable attitude.  

5. Forgive

I know what you’re thinking: “Forgiveness? How can letting my team off the hook improve accountability?” Here’s the deal. I’m not advocating that leadership let things slide in order to increase personal accountability. What I am advocating is letting the incident go once you’ve addressed it in order to allow your team to move forward. If they are still walking on eggshells months after a mistake was made, then they are distracted by past incidents instead of focused on the future. The best way to move your team through a lapse in judgement is to first adhere to items 1-4 on this list — and then forgive that person (even if that person is you). If you fail to let things go and move on you could end up losing valuable people. 

6. Document results of success and failure

What worked and what did not? Ask every member of the group how the project could have gone better, and then really listen to their ideas. When something goes poorly, make a note of it so the team can avoid falling into the same trap over and over again. When something goes well, make sure you’re quick to say so. The more you talk about how things are working, the quicker the group will adopt the approach.

You may also enjoy reading Followship: The Surprising Secret to High Impact Leadership by Fateme Banishoeib

The post Effective Leadership: 6 Steps to Real Time Accountability appeared first on BEST SELF.

An inner-journeying woman in the jungles of Costa Rica learns to quiet her busy mind through present moment awareness

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I woke this morning while it was still dark, 5:02am Friday, October 12 lit brightly on my iPhone screen. My first thought is whether or not the shelter is open.

We’re in the thick of rainy season here in Costa Rica and the past week has been relentless. Locals tell me that the flooding and water levels are higher than the past 25 years.

My family had a scheduled leave from our little village of Nosara for a couple of days, to cross a border and renew our visas. But the calamity was not ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I’d been carrying the stories and visuals of flood clean-up with me. I took them to bed with me last night, kept them alive in my head as I slept.

The image of a small, colorful, plastic dump-truck hanging on the barbed wire fencing that grabbed it as the water rushed past had taken a particularly prevalent front-row seat in my mind.

I imagined a little boy only days before happily playing with it in the dirt.

Knowing that yet again a red alert for rainfall and flooding had been issued yesterday, I wasn’t surprised to see Is the shelter open? Any reports? pop up on my phone. The message preview was all I needed to begin, automatically and with such detailed imagery, to write stories:

• Two men, clothed but wet, paddling in a small boat on the main road in our village.
• A young mom with a small baby on her hip, standing, worried faces, behind them the shell of a humble home surrounded by their wet belongings.
• A black dog with a red collar, wet fur, standing on what would be a familiar roadside once again when the water receded.

I felt the heaviness of the two men, the confusion of the mom and baby, the loneliness and hunger of the dog.

I became aspects of each of their stories — physically and emotionally — as I noticed my chest tighten slightly and my breathing become shallow. My blood pressure was reading my emotions with lightning speed and in real-time, engaging my stress response. In that moment, I became my thoughts.

Awakening Wisdom

Sometime around the 5^th century, the ancient spiritual text, The Bhagavad Gita, was recorded. I’m often reminded of chapter 2, verse 48: Yogastha Kuru Karmani. My exploration of ancient wisdom translates this to: Establish yourself in the present moment and then perform action.

This verse might be the most powerful and yet least practiced superpower available to us in our modern-day, busy, autopilot lives.

You might be doing it right now. Perhaps you are ruminating how an interaction went sideways at work yesterday. Maybe you’re worried about how your son or daughter is coping at school with grades, friendships, substances. Or, maybe your friend’s diagnosis seems frozen in your mind and informs the lens with which you see the fragility of your own life.

Stop. Right. Now.

Instead, establish yourself in the present moment — this very moment. Once you are here (pinch yourself if you need to check or simply settle into a gentle breath), then and only then, move forward.

Yogastha Kuru Karmani.

Your co-worker may have completely forgotten the conversation and even if they didn’t, you can’t control them. Your child may be exactly where they need to be to build resilience for the future. And remaining stuck in the worry about your friend isn’t helpful for her or good for your health.

Me? I can’t know that my little village in Costa Rica has flooded again. I can’t be sure if the black dog with the red collar, the two men, or the mama with her baby are displaced or struggling. These are all stories —fiction stories, maybe even best-sellers. These are thoughts that drastically impact my ability to show up in the world as the happy, inspiring, loving and radiant being I was meant to be.

This is how my practice begins. Perhaps you will join me?

1. Establish yourself in the present moment (feel into the moment with a couple of breaths as you acknowledge the stories as stories and not truths)
2. Hold that awareness as you move forward
3. Come back and re-establish as the day unfolds and the stories emerge yet again (your emotions are your guide)

As I lay in bed and breathe this morning, I can find no evidence that the rains have flooded my tiny village once again. With gratitude, I move forward to spread love in this world knowing that if challenges arise, I will be able to step forward from a place of greater balance.

Pura Vida, sweet Best Selfers.

You may also enjoy reading Never Here, Always There | Learning to Live in the Present Moment, by Danielle Bertoli

The post Jungle Journals: Transcending Our Busy Minds appeared first on BEST SELF.

A busy mother returns to running and applies the lessons she learned from being a competitive runner to run a successful business

—

In 2013, I started my own company.

If you’ve ever started your own company, or even if you haven’t, you probably know what a terrifying prospect this can be. To make matters even worse, I had absolutely no clue what steps were needed to begin, what I had to do to become successful, or if I would even be profitable.

I wanted to freak out, but I remembered a simple lesson: I’m a runner.

In 2010, I returned to running after a 10-year break. My son had been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and I had found it extremely challenging to be a good mother to him and continue with my passions at the same time. I had no idea, however, how important running would become — not only to my self and my self-esteem, but also to my future business.

It’s really ironic, because I stopped running because I thought that it was keeping me from being the woman, the mother, and the businesswoman that I needed to be. It turns out that the lessons that I learned from running gave me the framework and guidelines that eventually led to my business success.

Here are the key lessons:

1. Know Your Why

If you don’t have a reason to run, there’s no point in doing it. If you don’t remind yourself of that reason often, you might as well just stop now. Every runner has a ‘why’ — they’re running to become more fit, lose weight, or to try out for something. They may be attempting a distance that they’ve never tried before or to break their timed record, regardless of the exact reason— there’s always a reason.

Business is extremely similar. The entrepreneurial journey is not for everyone, and it can be a very lonely road. People will question what you’re trying to do, why you have to start your own business, why you didn’t think of this or that, and you will question your sanity. Your ‘why’ will be the thing that you reach for to hold onto and push through during those times, just like the sign announcing the final mile can motivate you through a marathon. From a business perspective, if consumers don’t understand your why, they may be less compelled to buy what you’re selling.

2. Enact that Failing Moment

All small business owners are going to fail at least once. It’s a fact. They may not fail right away, or they may not fail as epically as others, but the fact is that most businesses will fail before the two-year mark. Even the ones that don’t fail will have terrible moments. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, however. Most successful entrepreneurs failed the first several times; without those failures, they would not have learned what worked and what didn’t. When you lift weights, you push yourself to fatigue. You purposely enact that failing moment.

It’s the very thing that tears you down and builds you to success. If you are pushing, learning, and constantly growing, you’ll always be moving towards your goals and failure is a huge part of that. It will be extremely uncomfortable, disappointing, and possibly even embarrassing, but it’s a key part of the process, both in running and in business.

3. Junk Miles Are Better Than Quitting

Having a plan seems like such a simple idea; you might be wondering why I even wasted a bullet point on it. The fact is you’d be surprised at how many small business owners don’t have a clear plan. They spend zero time considering the market, competitors, sourcing, or branding. They don’t know who their target demographic or consumer is. They have an idea and they went with it. In many ways that’s the braveness and boldness that I love most about entrepreneurs, but it can also be their downfall.

I didn’t have a plan in the beginning when it came to my small business, and when things started to not work, I took days off rather than just showing up and trying to work through it. In running, when you are having an off day, or your legs and body aren’t really cooperating, quitting is not an option, ever. You simply do ‘time on your feet’ or ‘junk miles’ and continue moving forward. You’re still training your body to be standing, to be moving along, to not give up. The same is true in business; you have to show up and do the work consistently to be effective. Sometimes it’s a grind, but down the road, the collective time and effort that you have put into it will show and bring you the success. Make a plan and stick with it.

4. Find Others with Your Spirit

Being an entrepreneur is rough. Your friends and family can be the most supportive people in the world (although many aren’t), but you still need someone that understands exactly what it’s like to be in your running shoes. It’s like running a race: your loved ones may wake up at the crack of dawn and be waiting for you at the finish line with signs and streamers, and that’s wonderful, but they still don’t understand what it’s like to actually run a marathon, and they never will. And that’s because someone who chooses to enter a race and someone who chooses to open a business are both a little bit crazy. As soon as you understand that you are wired differently from everyone else, you’ll be able to find others who are just like you and have a community with whom to commiserate.

5. Check Your Ego At the Start Line

With this newfound community, you’ll learn how you actually stack up against your peers. When I first started running ultra marathons, the idea of running 200 miles seemed huge, lofty, and impressive. That was until I became a member of the ultra running community and learned that I wasn’t anywhere close to the first person to complete an ultra marathon. This helped me put my ego in check. It also helped me to realize that I was around others who had completed the journey, and this gave me the added confidence to push myself farther than I thought was possible.

6. Don’t Panic When You Break a Shoelace

Things constantly go wrong for me, the same way they go wrong for everyone else. Whether you’re in business, or running, or working for someone else, things will always go wrong at some point. I learned that once I had committed to a goal, I was in it — I had to face the situation, whether I wanted to or not. By thinking creatively, I could harness my imagination, which is one of the greatest assets I have, and therefore could find a way around the obstacle in my path. Just like in running.

7. Make Sure to Stop for Water

This may sound cliché, but it’s extremely important not only in running, but especially in business. You would never, ever show up to a race having not eaten or slept. The same should be true of any boardroom meeting, presentation, or even just a general day of work. It amazes me that people can stay up all night, skip breakfast, and show up to work expecting to be productive. Then, they’re surprised that their body isn’t reacting well to stress. Taper yourself, rest, and turn your pace down before any big event. You can’t do well if you’re depleted.

8. Just Make it to the Next Tree

Sometimes when you’re running— especially when it’s after 70 miles — you just want to stop. You can’t imagine running another second. You’re tired, cold, hot, hungry, sick, and you can’t stand the sight of squirrels or rocks. However, you committed to run the entire race and complete the project, and there are many hours and miles ahead. The only thing that you can do is to keep moving forward, even if it’s one tree at a time. By breaking your goals down into small ‘trees’ or pieces, you’ll be able to manage one piece at a time until you’re in front of the finish line.

9. Success is Not a Solo Journey

Though many entrepreneurs and runners spend long periods of time by themselves, success is a team effort. You’ll need great coaches and mentors, your crew, your community — and your friends and family. On especially long races, your crew will be there to babysit you, feed you, meet you at check points along your journey, and help keep your spirits up. They won’t let you quit when you shouldn’t, but they’ll be the first ones to pull you out when you’re too injured to continue. And when it is time to call it quits, your crew will be there with you to make the hard calls with you, and to support you through that disappointment so that you can live to run another day.

10. The Finish Line is Never Guaranteed

This should be the uplifting, happy ending part of this article— but unfortunately it comes with some reality: there is no guarantee that you’ll reach your goal. You may never build your company to the level you want it to grow to, you may never make a million dollars, you may not ever finish first, you might not be on the cover of Forbes or Sports Illustrated, but it’s not about any of that.

The process of trying to reach your goal turns you into the person that you were meant to be. You may be injured, get lost, not complete the race in the right amount of time, but there’s always another race, another business to start, and some amazing new project to pursue that’s right around the corner. The goal is to love and respect the race, whether or not you win the trophy. Ultimately, the only person you’re competing against is yourself.

You may also enjoy reading Running With Purpose: Realizing the Fullness of Life While We Live It, by Dendy Farrar

The post 10 Surprising Things That Running Taught Me About Business appeared first on BEST SELF.

Tips for navigating the roadblocks that entrepreneurs encounter on their journey to success

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Entrepreneurship starts with a wonderful idea: a dream for freedom, changing the world, and earning a great income. It’s all about making it big and creating an impact while enjoying the fruits of your success. The reality of entrepreneurship, though, isn’t merely what people imagine it to be.

Not many founders actually make it, and those who do take measures to anticipate what potential negative behaviors can get in the way of their success. They are the ones who have learned how to navigate even when there’s no light in the tunnel. That helps them stay on track and keeps them from giving up even in the darkest moments of that crazy journey of building a company.

Although every entrepreneur’s challenges are different, there are certainly some common behaviors which have the power to bring almost everyone down. Learning about them will give you perspective and help you be prepared to manage them easier.

4 Major behavioral traps and fixes every entrepreneur should know about:

1.  Avoidance and Isolation

The Trap: Entrepreneurship can be a pretty lonely game. Founders operate in a way very few people understand and that makes it hard for them to relate to others and be understood. A lot of entrepreneurs tend to detach from the world when things become too difficult. Falling into that type of behavior makes the situation even worse because it leads to creating doubts and fear that mess with their confidence. And this is understandable. You have taken a chance on creating something on your own; perhaps you quit your job and disappointed a couple of family members. You simply don’t talk about the tough times and instead draw back.

The Fix:  Tell the truth when it’s not working well, even if it’s painful. Share the situation with your close circle of people when they ask you how the business is going. You will benefit from reaching out and finding a community. Once you have support, you can easily recuperate, find direction, and build a new strategy. A community of like-minded people, other entrepreneurs who are facing similar challenges and share similar experiences, is essential. Join a group, a Mastermind, and connect with others on the same journey.

2. Doubt and Overthinking

The Trap: When you’re building a product or a service-based business, you’re doing it to solve something for others. There will be many moments where you will find yourself constantly questioning everything. Businesses are built by asking “how do we solve that problem?” Most of the times this is the thrill of the game, but then you hit that difficult period and start second-guessing everything, including your ability to do the job. We all have gone through these challenges in our creative processes and our businesses.  Am I solving the right problem? Do people really need that? Am I funny? Am I smart and capable enough to make it all work?The impostor syndrome kicks in and you can’t help but go down the rabbit hole. What you need to remember is that self-doubt is self-inflicted. It clouds your focus and weighs you down. 

The Fix:  What you need when you notice that behavior is expertise. Reach out to a mentor, get a coach, find someone who was there, who has experienced what you’re going through and ask for help. That will support you to get grounded and stop spinning in all directions until you establish your next steps and clear your mind.

3. Distraction 

The Trap: There are times when you will lose sight of the bigger picture. You get sidetracked and see no direction in front of you. It is scary and frustrating at the same time. Distraction makes you start doing everything at the same time to compensate for the confusion. That behavior leads to feeling overwhelmed and stressed. In times like that, you often start dreaming about a magic pill to make everything go away; but there is none.

 The Fix: Stay accountable and stay in the game. You can’t win if you don’t play! You need to overcome the distraction and get into action. Find someone to help you strategize, prioritize, and get moving. You need someone to keep you accountable and bring the focus back.

4. Paralysis

The Trap:  You are procrastinating, stagnating or generally making a lot of excuses, but getting nothing done. Being paralyzed makes you feel like you can’t do it. It pushes you to give up. It instills fear and keeps you stuck. In moments like this, remember that nothing lasts forever and the faster you realize that what you need is a powerful push, the better. There is a way out and it is through taking action.

The Fix:  When things are contracted you need to INVEST in yourself and in your business. That can be really difficult when you’re paralyzed with indecision and fear. All you want is to keep things tight, save and stay put. The truth is, when you have a contraction you need an expansion! You need to do exactly the opposite of what you think you should do at that moment. When you want to hide, go out and seek help. The surest way to get back and get things done is to lean in your genius and get the work done. Seek your community and their input. They can easily remind you that you’re not alone and that there are many things that could be done.

Every entrepreneur has fallen into these traps at some point throughout their journey. It is important to remember that these are just behaviors, which means that you can overcome them and become more resilient and capable of getting back on your feet after a crisis. While there isn’t a way to completely avoid pitfalls, being aware of the mental traps and some of the actions you can take to find solutions, will help you stay afloat and become agile for the next challenges to come.

You may also enjoy reading 6 Steps to Overcome Entrepreneurial Anxiety, by Katy Trost

The post 4 Behavioral Traps and Fixes for Entrepreneurs appeared first on BEST SELF.

Photograph by Jacob Townsend

A comprehensive guide to understanding and minimizing stress

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Did you know that 79% of us struggle with stress?

It’s undeniable, learning how to manage stress is a crucial skill in today’s world.

So in this guide, you’ll learn everything you need to know about stress management.

1. What Is Stress?

While stress still affects many of us, our stress levels are declining overall, especially in the US.

However, it’s something everyone faces at some point in their life.

Stress can be described as:

“Emotional or mental tension in response to a stressor (e.g. work, school, relationship problems).”

According to CBS News, the average stress level surveyed among Americans is 4.9 on a scale of 10.

22% of individuals even mentioned that they aren’t putting enough effort into managing their stress.

In regard to these statistics, this tells us that many of us still struggle with the everyday effects of stress.

2. What Are The Symptoms Of Stress?

In the modern world, normal levels of stress are virtually inevitable, but there is a balance that has to be maintained.

Stress comes in a variety of different forms and it affects everyone differently.

However, too much stress can cause physical and emotional harm. It can also interfere with our social lives, especially if it’s not managed effectively.

2.1. Physical Effects Of Stress.

• Frequent headaches
• Nausea and vomiting
• Muscle tension or weakness
• Reduced libido
• Digestive troubles (e.g. diarrhoea, constipation, stomach pain)
• Reduced energy
• High blood pressure
• Dry mouth
• Tinnitus (ear ringing/whooshing/clicking)
• Decreased immunity
• Chest pain or heart palpitations
• Bingeing or eating less
• Insomnia or hypersomnia

2.2. Emotional Effects Of Stress.

• Decreased interest in activities or people
• Agitation and frequently snapping
• Moodiness
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Negative mindset
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Hopelessness or loss of control

2.3. Social Effects Of Stress.

The emotional and physical symptoms of stress can be unpleasant.

If you’re struggling with stress, you may find yourself drawing away from others, getting into frequent arguments with family or friends, or falling behind in work/school.

Unfortunately, stress can have an impact not just on your health and emotions, but also on your everyday decisions too.

In fact, one-fifth of individuals hesitated to go to the doctor when health problems arose because of financial worries.

3. Why Do We Feel Stressed?

3.1. ​Leading Causes Of Stress.

According to one survey, one of the leading causes of stress is due to money.

In fact, 64-percent Americans worry about their current financial situation. That can come down to their annual income, bankruptcy, bills or taxes, debt, or sudden emergency expenses.

A survey also found that about a third of adults faced relationship problems due to financial stress.

​3.2. Other Causes Of Stress.

• Dealing with the death of a loved one
• Being unhappy with a current job, relationship, or home situation
• Too much work and little/no play
• Poor time management
• Strict expectations for yourself or from others
• Feeling unappreciated
• No support from loved ones
• Divorce, breakup, separation, or other relationship tension
• Dealing with discrimination, harassment, or bullying
• Unresolved conflicts or past regrets
• Pregnancy or the new arrival of a child
• Health complications or the declining health of a loved one
• Mental, emotional, behavioural, or learning disabilities
• Loss of a job or unemployment
• Major upcoming life events e.g. court, wedding, new job)

4. Benefits Of Stress.

​​​​4.1. Positive Stress.

Stress can actually be healthy in small amounts.

This is known as ‘positive stress’.

…And it can arise from situations you might feel excited about: weddings, pregnancy etc.

Depending on someone’s lifestyle and personality type, some may have little to no symptoms of acute stress even when placed in difficult situations.

Sometimes these individuals are referred to as having a Type B (laid-back) personality or Type H (motivated yet stress-hardy).

Even for Type A (high-strung, easily-stressed) individuals, there are benefits to healthy levels of stress…

4.2. Enhanced Memory.

Studies have shown that stress may reduce recall memory (e.g. people’s names, certain words, dates) but may enhance short-term and immediate recall memory.

Note: It’s important to note that ‘Chronic Stress’ can actually cause short – and long-term – memory decline. it can even cause issues with memorizing information in the first place.

…This study explains how and why this happens.

4.3. Motivation.

Stress can cause higher levels of motivation.

When someone is mild to moderately stressed, they are more likely to take action to reduce their stress.

Here’s an example:

If someone has mild stress regarding an upcoming exam, they are more likely to study as they exert worry towards their performance.

Therefore, they’re more likely get a successful score.

4.4. Resilience.

Individuals who go through occasional stress may also find that they become more resilient overtime.

Stress can create resilience both towards stress and its symptoms, as well as towards future stressors.

Many people find that after their stress about reaching a goal, they’re more confident in their own abilities once they’ve completed it.

In some ways, mild stress helps us become stronger in the long-term.

Note: Stress can also make us more confident and improve our ability to adapt.

Studies show that stress helps us to learn, grow, and appreciate the good times.

4.5. Caring For Others.

Stress can increase our empathy and compassion.

This is especially true when we’re raising children, mending relationships, and helping others.

Concern and stress play hand-in-hand.

Here’s a few examples:

• If a parent feels stressed about their child’s academic performance, they’re more likely to support their child.
• In relationships, stress creates the desire to change and improve the situation.
• A student who feels a little stressed about their exams may be more likely to study harder and improve their results.

From these examples, we can see why some stress is important. It can cause us to think about others and to act selflessly.

However, there are also cases where individuals can exceed normal stress levels and actually draw away from others completely.

Balance is everything. Here’s why…

5. The Dangers Of Stress.

As too much of anything can cause problems, there are dangers of excessive and/or long-term stress…

5.1. Heart Problems.

Long-term stress is linked to cardiovascular disease as it can restrict the blood vessels.

Due to the fight-or-flight response in stressed individuals, decreased oxygen (hyperventilation) can have an effect on the heart and even lungs as well.

Highly-stressed or anxious individuals are also at an increased risk of a heart attack due to high blood pressure and weaker heart muscles, associated with heavy stress.

5.2. Anxiety.

Even for those who are not predisposed to anxiety, stress can act as an initiator of an acute or chronic anxiety disorder.

Excessive stress can also cause panic attacks.

Panic attacks are intense periods of extreme fear, feelings of loss of control, and a series of physical ailments (e.g. chest tightness, breathing difficulties, pounding heart, nausea).

5.3. Digestion Problems.

Because stress causes a fight-or-flight response, digestion can either be halted, boosted, or both.

This article explains the link between stress and digestion problems in more detail.

This can result in not just occasional stomach aches and bathroom troubles — but also chronic digestive disorders such as:

• GERD
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
• Stomach ulcers
• Colitis

Stress can also affect how your body breaks down food and absorbs nutrients based on numerous factors:

Poor diet, acid reflux, or overgrowth of bad bacteria in the gut.

A series of nutritional deficiencies whether due to malabsorption or from a finicky diet from stress can also arise.

Nutritional deficiencies such as low magnesium can in turn cause a variety of symptoms from heart palpitations to muscle weakness.

Additionally, low iron levels due to poor eating can initiate anemia.

5.4. Suppressed immunity.

For individuals who are chronically stressed, their immunity is reduced long-term.

Because the bodies of stressed individuals are focused on keeping the individual safe.

The body systems – including the immune system – temporarily go on “lock down” to give the individual energy to fight or escape if necessary.

This means that they are more susceptible to everyday illnesses such as the common cold, poor wound healing, infections (e.g. yeast infections, sinus infections), or diseases.

5.5. Different Gene Expression.

Your metabolism and risks of cancer can all be influenced by chronic stress – and often not in your favour.

Genes responsible for enzymes that assist in detoxifying the body can also be affected with chronic stress as well as a poor diet associated with such.

There is a branch of science called nutrigenomics that discusses the connection between diet and gene expression.

Here’s why:

Since stressed individuals are more likely to over/under-eat or turn to unhealthy foods, a poor diet alone can disrupt the genes you express.

This may even act as a catalyst for conditions you a predisposed to.

6. How To Manage Stress.

It is possible to manage your stress levels, here’s how…

6.1. Change Your Mindset.

Mindset plays a significant role in our stress levels. This is because we can change our reaction to stress.

[Source]

Sure, getting involved in a physical fight is a scenario where we’ll need a fight-or-flight response – and thus, stress.

However, situations such as needing to finish homework, babysitting for the day, or doing chores are ‘perceived stressors’.

…This means you can change your reaction to them.

It all comes down to how you view stressful situations:

If you teach yourself to enjoy chores rather than see them as annoying, you can train your brain to perceive chore-related tasks as less stressful.

This is called ‘stress response’.

You can associate positivity with a task or event. And as a result, the brain won’t see it as a stressor.

6.2. Exercise.

Getting a workout isn’t just good for the body. Exercise releases endorphins: feel-good chemicals.

As a result, better sleep, reduced stress and anxiety, and increased happiness can come out of a workout.

Just 5 minutes of aerobic exercise each day can benefit one’s stress levels. Additionally, working out is great for all systems and organs in the body.

With that said, this can improve the areas (e.g. heart, metabolism) that stress damages in the first place.

Try experimenting with different exercises, such as:

• Jumping jacks
• Walking
• Running/jogging
• Swimming
• Hiking
• Dancing (e.g. zumba)
• Biking
• Kickboxing
• Skiing

6.3. Take Time To Relax.  

Stress means that the brain and body are overstimulated.

So allowing yourself downtime is important when dealing with stress.

A high-strung, always-on-the-go lifestyle can increase stress levels and related symptoms.

Some ways you can relax include:

• Taking a long bubble bath
• Reading a good book
• Watching your favorite movie
• Walking the dog
• Or sitting out in the yard and enjoying nature.

6.4. Meditate.  

Meditation is one empowering mental activity to spiritually bring yourself back down to equilibrium.

Meditating for just 10 to 15 minutes each day can help eliminate your stress and physical symptoms.

If you’re new to meditation, try it with a friend or a group.

There are also videos online or meditation CDs that can teach you how to meditate and guide you through the process.

7. Negative Ways To Manage Stress.

7.1. Ignoring The Problem.  

Some believe if they act like stress and its exasperaters don’t exist, things will resolve on their own.

While not dwelling on the things stressing you out may eliminate some tension, most stressors must be managed properly.

Ignoring stress is an avoidant way of fixing a problem. And if you’re stress levels are high enough, this can hurt you in the long run.

That’s because neither the situation you are in nor how you deal with stress in general will improve.

7.2. Drinking & Smoking.  

Drinking, smoking, and general drug usage may all seem like adequate go-tos when dealing with stress.

But not only do these substances harm your health, they can also lead to bad habits.

Often this creates unhealthy habits long-term, and never really deals with the underlying problem.

7.3. Avoiding Others.  

Keeping away from loved ones is another negative way of coping with stress.

Instead of mending problems with others or turning to others for emotional support, some push people out of their life.

In worst case scenarios, stressed individuals may even consider ending relationships or avoiding friends in the process, only causing more stress in the long-run.

7.4. Dwelling On The Negative.  

A negative mindset when dealing with stress only exacerbates the pre-existing problem – as stress and emotions are related to one another.

When someone is already dealing with stress and falls into the trap of negative thinking, they are:

1) More likely to continue struggling with chronic stress.

And…

2) Less likely to take action to reduce their stress.

7.5. Emotional Eating.  

Emotional eating is a harmful habit that often worsens physical symptoms, stress levels, and can cause weight fluctuations.

Emotional eating often consists of leaning towards rich, fatty, salty, and sugary foods as a way of comfort.

[Source]

However, the someone chooses food for dealing with stressful situations, the more they will rely on it for future problems.

This creates a stronger bond between emotional distress and food in the long run.

If you have difficulty eating under stress, consider the following:

• Consult a doctor and ask for support.
• Instead of three large meals, opt for several smaller meals throughout the day.
• Consume meal replacement drinks (e.g. protein, smoothies) for the times you find difficulty eating solid foods.
• Carry snacks with you. Try to eat a few bites here and there when you feel you can.

8. Tips For Managing Stress.

Learning how to manage stress now can really empower you in the future.

Here’s a few tips to get you started…

[Source]

8.1. Get Some Sleep.​

Try to aim for 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. Consider taking short naps as needed, as stress can drain the body quickly.

Never feel guilty for sleeping longer than usual. The body repairs itself while sleeping, and you need it more than ever when stressed.

8.2. Try Relaxation Techniques.  

Partaking in deep-breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques everyday can improve the effects of stress long-term.

I’ve actually created a list of my 15 favourite relaxation techniques here.

8.3. Keep A Stress Diary.  

Because stress is emotion-based, it can help to write down your frustrations, worries, and other thoughts in a diary.

This can be a physical diary or an online one.

If you’re frustrated about a specific person, consider writing a letter in your diary to this person (without sending it, of course) to help give you peace of mind.

By doing this, you may discover a new perspective or improve your ability to manage the situation.

8.4. Learn How To Manage Your Time.  

Time management is an important part of maintaining a proper work-life balance.

But sometimes, that’s easier said that done!

[Source]

So consider taking a time management course or consult a counsellor to help maintain a better balance in your life.

8.5. Say No To Unimportant Tasks.  

If your schedule or to-do list keeps stacking up higher than you can handle, something’s got to give.

If your emotional and mental health is on the line, it’s not selfish to turn away clients, refuse friends’ offers to hang out, or even put off household chores for a few days to catch the break you deserve.

8.6. Treat Yourself.  

After a long day of work, school, caring for children, or running errands, be sure you take the time to unwind afterwards.

Treating yourself to a small treat, a manicure, or some quality time with your friends, can really help to alleviate your stress.

8.7. Listen To Soft Music Or ASMR Videos.  

Especially before bed, listening to music or ASMR videos can be relaxing for the nerves and help you fall asleep.

However, it’s not recommended to listen to extremely relaxing music or sounds when driving or using machinery as they may cause drowsiness.

9. Stress Management FAQs.

9.1. How Do I Cope With Stress?​

It’s really important to try not to let stress overwhelm you.

Most stressful situations are out of our control, however, we can change our reaction to stressful situations.

Check out my guide here if you’re looking for ways to deal with stressful situations.

9.2. How Can I Make Stress My Friend?​

You can befriend stress by changing your relationship with it.

A small amount of stress can be a positive influence in your life – but it starts by understanding the benefits of stress and why we feel it.

Tip: Want to understand more about changing your relationship with stress? ​Check out section 4.1 on ‘positive stress’ above.

9.3. How Can You Stop Stress?  

Stress is a very natural part of life, we’re hardwired as humans to feel stressed from time to time.

And because of this, you can’t really stop stress. However, you can reduce and minimise stress with relaxation techniques.

If you’d like some tips, check out my guide to relaxation techniques.

9.4. How Does Stress Affect The Brain?​

Here’s a few ways stress affects the brain:

• In a study by Yale University, research revealed that chronic stress can actually shrink the brain.
• Stress can also kill brain cells, and affect your cognitive learning abilities (study by Rockfeller University)
• Stress can suppress your concentration levels, memory and impair your rational thought process (research by University of Maryland Medical Center)

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>You may also enjoy reading Adrenal Fatigue: Diagnosing the Burnout Epidemic, by Aviva Romm, MD

The post The Ultimate Guide To Stress Management appeared first on BEST SELF.

The secret to making resoultions that stick is to set goals that are personal, tangible and meaningful to you — not anyone else

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Life is the sum of all your choices.

— Albert Camus

Looking back on my life, I realize I was constantly on a diet. In the Eastern-Europe society I grew up in, the concept of beauty was deeply connected to the weight scales. I don’t recall having any sports culture in my family; I even hated gym classes at school because they impacted negatively on my grades. A big part of my life was built around food, including the fact that my father worked in a chocolate factory when I was growing up — something that I thought was a blessing at the time.

The result of all that was an emotional package of short-term eating pleasure and long-term guilt. No wonder why most of my New Year’s resolutions were a copy-paste version of “losing weight”. Year after year, I found myself losing weight and putting it back on. Feelings of accomplishment, followed by self-blame and sometimes even anger for not being able to deal with it. I’ve seen myself up and down again and again, unable to fulfill my goal which made me feel like a failure.

After completing some valuable self-growth work, I finally understand the reasons behind my failures and I would now like to share them with you.

Here are 3 things you can do to make your resolutions count — and last:

1. Make your resolutions personal

I know this might sound strange, but what it means is that I didn’t have a strong enough reason to push myself to transformation. I wanted to lose weight to fit in with certain society requirements of “looking good”. My wish had nothing to do with my own standards because, deep inside, I knew I was a beautiful soul who was struggling to fit in.

You see, we only make real progress towards a goal when it means something personal to us, not when it is imposed on us by others. That is what makes the difference between a resolution and a to-do list. Goals that sound like “I need to do this” or “I should do that” come from a place of survival that reflect a resistance to being a victim of circumstances. Goals that sound like “I want to do this” or “I choose to do that” come from a place of self-empowerment and inspiration.

2. Believe you can achieve your goals

My coaching experience with different people and my own journey of self-discovery make me believe that our worst enemy is fear. The fear of failure, and sometimes even the fear of success, feed our minds with thoughts like  “this is too hard”, “I’ll never make it” or “this is too good to be true.” Such limiting beliefs are the sabotaging inner voices that don’t speak from our true nature. They come as a result of the way we’ve learned to perceive ourselves through the eyes of other people who shaped us, including your family, schooling system, and different life circumstances.

The good news is that once aware of our own voices, we can unlearn them and replace them with positive thoughts that grow us instead of standing in our way. We can always rebuild a life of our own design. We can choose to think that we can’t achieve what we want because of our background, or we can decide that our past is part of our life experience and it has nothing to do with our future.

3. Commit to tangible action steps

I wasn’t making true resolutions; I was making wishes. Being clear on what we want and why we want it is not enough to succeed. The fact of being overweight was the result of my actions (lack of physical activity and overeating). You can’t get different results by doing the same things as before; you need to change your actions if you want to change your results.

To achieve my goal of losing weight, I neded to get clarity on what I truly wanted by breaking my goal down into smaller steps. That meant a specific, measurable and sustainable plan that included physical exercise on specific days (not randomly, depending on my mood or the sunshine outside) and working on my nutrition with a health coach.

What are the areas in your life where you would like to see some improvements? Is it career, health, finances, or personal relationships? What is holding you back right now and what is pushing you forward? As long as what you want is clear, getting there comes much easier. There’s always a solution to everything, and in most of the cases, you already know the answer to what makes you truly happy.

That is what I have learned from my past experiences; this is where I am today:

I set no goals or resolutions related to losing weight. Instead, I have something much stronger — a vision of living a healthy life, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I know my body is the temple of my soul, so I make sure to take good care of it. I want to feel energized and happy in my own skin. It is the only body I have. I love life and I approve of myself exactly the way I am. I choose to replace self-criticism by self-compassion.

My resolutions now are all about me and my own choices; it has nothing to do with what other people think. I’ve stopped setting unrealistic targets like “I’ll exercise every single day” because I know there will be days I won’t. I’ve learned how to balance different ingredients to stay fit and still enjoy a tasty meal. Staying committed to what sounds achievable is part of my healthy goal setting that won’t turn good intentions into disappointment.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. We don’t see things and people as they are; we see them as we are. My plan doesn’t look like a punishment any longer because it is tailored to my needs. It’s not about a short-term cabbage diet anymore; now it’s about a new transformational lifestyle.

Impossible is nothing when we believe.

You may also enjoy reading 6 Steps to Creating Your Future by Michael Annese

The post Making New Year Resolutions That Count…and Last appeared first on BEST SELF.

A few tips for writing letters that fill the soul

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In the modern age, writing letters has become underrated, if not completely abandoned. We prefer sending quick e-mails to our loved ones now, or even shoot them a long text because of time concerns. We might forget how much of a personal impact a unique letter can have on our families and friends. Nowadays, we focus so much on technology that we often fail to add that special, intimate touch to the relationships we value.

If that looks like you, I don’t blame you. There is no doubt: writing can be quite a challenge! Writing a letter can be even more demanding. We want to connect our thoughts and feelings to the letter that we are sending, yet we sometimes omit details that could bring us into the open and deepen our engagement. The content has to be special, and the person reading it has to sense a distinctive vibe when opening it — it’s like creating a special bond between the writer and the recipient; a bond that connects their souls, and opens up their minds.

For all of these reasons, finding the perfect balance of creativity and imagination is not an easy job.

Here are a 5 tips on how to write inspiring, creative letters:

1. Be Yourself

Writing letters is easy once you get the hang of it. I must specify that we are strictly referring to informal, friendly letters. Being yourself is your best strategy if you want your letter be special. The content has to flow naturally. Letters between friends have to be simple, yet complex. Writing something like “Dear Mona, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving Day. Love, Lila” is not enough. You have to develop your thoughts, and let your ideas flow on that piece of paper and have room to expand. This takes me to point two.

2. Create the Perfect Setting

Because writing letters is such a personal process, you need your own space. Make sure you have alone time whenever you compose your letters, and take time to think about the content first. Get rid of the distractions, and imagine what a perfect letter would look like for you. Would it begin in a certain, exceptional way? What pieces of your imagination would it compile? What elements could add to its complexity? Try not to check your phone or have the TV on while you are drafting the letters. Find a particular spot in the house that is quiet and encourages you to think. Reflect on special moments you had with the recipient, and expand on that. Beginning the letter with a significant memory will give it that special vibe you want.

3. Ask About Them In a Funny Way

If you write a letter to somebody, you probably want to know more about them. So ask away! Make sure you do not expand too much on yourself. Do include everything you wish, but keep it brief since your recipient will probably not appreciate receiving letters that are too long. When you ask about them, do it in a funny, creative way. Be hilarious and relaxed. Take a look at some examples:

• Begin with an old phrase both of you used in the past. If I wrote to my friend, I would say, “Sup, loser? I miss your dumb face! What have you been up to?”
• Start with a funny saying like, “Love is in the air. Nope, that’s bacon. Anyways, I was thinking of you this morning while eating my breakfast. How is your life?”
• Or you can just be honest and say, “I am feeling very emotional today, so I thought about you. Don’t feel too good about it, OK? How are you doing, pal?”

Make sure you let them know how much you miss them, but don’t do it in a mushy way if you are not that type of person. Saying it in a funny context gives it a sense of playfulness, which I am sure will be highly appreciated by your friend.

4. Carry a Notebook With You

If you truly lack ideas, carry a notebook with you and write down observations. Maybe when you are having a coffee, you will think of a funny moment you had with your friend. Maybe when you chat with your colleagues you will realize how much you miss a special, deep conversation with your friend. You never know what gives your ideas during the day, so carrying a notebook is a great method to stay creative.

5. Have Lots of Fun

If you don’t write like you are having fun, there is no point in searching for creativity. Writing letters is not something that must be done, but something that you should enjoy doing. Change your mindset, and play with the words instead of searching for the right ones. If a letter does not come out as you want it to, do not freak out. All writers have good and bad moments, so you do not have to worry about it at all. Just take a break if you feel the need to, and do something funny – like watch a comedy on Netflix, or play with your pets if you have any. The idea is to loosen up and make yourself laugh. Then when you can get back to writing you will be much more productive, trust me!

Wrapping It Up

When you don’t feel creative, stop writing. There is no point in hanging on to something you are not feeling at the moment. Take a break, or try to apply the above strategies to boost your mood. Do something funny, take a walk, have a drink. Make sure you write everything from the bottom of your heart — stay honest, and be yourself. Finding creativity is not that hard as long as you enjoy the process.

Not only will you find soul-filling joy in the process of letter writing, but your recipient is sure to, as well. Good luck, you got this!

You may also enjoy reading Letters to My Mindful Self | Practicing Mindfulness Through Letter Writing, by Wendy Wolff

The post The Art of Letter Writing: 5 Tips for Crafting Engaging Letters appeared first on BEST SELF.

Your successes and good fortune have nothing to do with luck

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I have always considered myself lucky because of the many gifts I’ve gotten in life: a loving husband, a loving family, great friends (not many, but true ones), a healthy body, a healthy mind, the home I live in, nice vacations I can afford, and doing the work I love. For all this, I am truly grateful. And the more grateful I am, the more I feel spoiled by the Universe.

That said, I have decided to stay in my truth and say what I think, with no apologies. I’ve also stopped pretending this was all about ‘luck’. I am now brave enough to step outside my fake humbleness and start celebrating myself and my achievements.

You see, most of us have been conditioned to feel the need to always ‘improve’ ourselves by focusing on our flaws and perceived limitations while taking our strengths for granted or not even being aware of them. While we are all learning from our experiences and mistakes, we also need to know our gifts and talents that make us truly special and unique.

Knowing who we are, detaching ourselves from the toxic habit of comparing ourselves to others, and celebrating our uniqueness. Sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Yet, why is it easier said than done for so many people?

What makes it so hard for ourselves to accept our brilliance?

Let me tell you my story: I spent many years of my life thinking I wasn’t good enough. Perfection, as it turned out, was my worst enemy.I considered myself pretty but not beautiful, somewhat smart but not truly intelligent. In other words, I thought of myself as average but not outstanding.

I can look back in time and see myself at the age of ten. I believed I was stupid just because my brain couldn’t work out physics and math. I was good with literature, arts and foreign languages, but that wasn’t a sign of brilliance in the Eastern-European culture in which I grew up.

I didn’t grow up in a society that celebrated individuality, so I’ve never seen myself as some kind of ‘special’. My parents encouraged me in school, but always hinted at a “need for improvement,” which was their way to motivate me to achieve more. I grew up with the fear of getting bad grades, because if I ever did, that would be another reason for me to feel ashamed and unworthy.

My parents did the best they could at the time, the society did the best it knew at the time, so I am not blaming, but instead looking for hidden and limiting beliefs that worked against me.

Twelve years ago, I was working for a big multinational company in my home country, Romania. I started as a travel assistant, making flight and hotel bookings for my colleagues. One day, a manager in the company asked if I wanted to join his team and start doing ’real business’. At that time, I was holding a university diploma in literature and foreign languages, so I knew nothing about logistics and supply chain. But I decided to take the opportunity and give it a try. I learned everything from scratch, and I’m telling you, it wasn’t easy.

Four years later, I was offered a job at the company headquarters in Sweden. Eight years later, within the same corporation, I was leading a business team in Shanghai. I was successful and my results were great. My family was proud; my friends were admiring me. I loved my status and my business card!

But let me tell you this secret: I sometimes felt like a fraud. I felt lucky to be chosen out of so many other candidates. They wanted me! Imagine! Too good to be true! Pure luck!

That’s how my inner talk sounded at that time and here’s what I know to be true today: It wasn’t luck, it was all me!

I was the one who spent many nights and long weekends learning a new job from scratch. I was the one who was hard-working, committed, curious and ambitious. I was the one who successfully passed many job interviews and competence assessments. I was the one who always wanted to grow, develop, see different parts of the world and work abroad.

As a child, the concept of ‘abroad’ was a mystery to me. I grew up under Ceausescu’s system when traveling outside Romania was restricted. My mother was dreaming to see me leave my small town and get a good job in Bucharest. I wanted more for myself because I knew my past had nothing to do with my future. I knew I could make it, despite my circumstances, in full integrity and without making any compromise.

Today, I am aware that no one employed me because they liked my smile. I was offering a set of capabilities, skills and talents that was adding value to my employers. It wasn’t about me being lucky to get those nice jobs abroad; it was always a win-win solution with mutual benefits. Yes, I deserved it. Yes, I worked hard. I am saying it out loud now because I got sick and tired of hiding behind my ‘luck’ as if being proud of myself was something shameful.

If you also tend to take your achievements for granted, here’s my desire for you:

I want you to know that you are a magnificent human being and that it is okay to be who you are. Become aware of your strengths and talents and learn how to build on them in your private life and career. Stop feeling ashamed of your achievements. Do not get scared by your greatness; instead, embrace it with dignity and joy. And always remember:

Sometimes in life you need to acknowledge there’s been a lot of hard work behind your ‘luck’.

You may also enjoy reading What’s Joy Got to Do with It? A Q&A on Manifesting and Wealth with Patrice Washington by Bill Miles

The post Was it Luck or Was it…You? appeared first on BEST SELF.

To be successful in business and in life starts with accepting and integrating the multitude of talents and interests you possess

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In Conversation With the Mission

(a poem from my book of poetry, The Whisper)

I disappeared from myself

The heart broke for caring too much

Caring about the prestigious work

I became a stranger

A stranger reimagining who I once was

A pilgrimage started in the self-sabotage of the mission

Of fitting into tasks

The pilgrimage to avoid my own fragmentation

I fell from the tower
And found on the muddy floor
My broken heart

The ego scared of the power of many and multitudes

Wrestling with the many voices within
The voice of the young exiled me
The voice of the achiever
And the voice of the Whisper singing in poetry

The whole is me

In conversation with myself
In conversation with the world

I invite you to join me
And make your own pilgrimage
Outside the scene and characters of my own

Within your own self and soul
Seeking for your many and multitudes.

I spent years on the path of inclusion of the multitudes — the multitudes I contain, the multitudes we all contain.

I am many things: A scientist by background, for the love of wellbeing. A poet by vocation, for the love of truth. A business woman, for the love of resolution.

As a young chemist, I spent hours in the laboratory seeking the truth behind a chemical reaction. As a child, I also spent entire afternoons writing poems in search of the truth hidden behind the world I was just starting to know and make sense of. But my poetry was never integrated; it was my own way to hide and protect my truth, my multitudes, from being misunderstood. In so doing I exiled the creative, truer, most human me for the benefit of fitting into a family, a community, and a corporate job.

Thinking we have to pick one aspect of ourselves over another is like asking a rainbow to pick one color and just to be blue.

In business, as in our personal lives, we need to learn to embrace the multitudes. We need to redefine business as the journey of humankind development and collective growth that involves the journey of the soul: our soul and the soul of our business together. Each step we take then on this path of re-shaping the world of business closer to its true nature becomes a step we take into becoming whole.

We will not transform business by a new book or theory, but rather by transforming our way of being and by first accepting our HUMANITY.

In a recent report published by PwC, Reshaping the Workplace, where Millennials were the center of investigation, it was reported that: “The capacity to attract, retain and manage executive talents does not depend on the compensation package, but rather on our ability to create a sense of belonging to an organization that offers a long-term relationship and a professional experience”. If we consider that by 2020, Millennials will form 50% of the global workforce, this is a challenge business needs to get ready to face.

The role of a 21^st century leader that wants to innovate is the one of a social architect.

These leaders must be willing and capable of creating holistic business models where differences, emotions, intuition and creativity are celebrated, and where the multitudes are included and collectively valued rather than shamed or segregated. These leaders must be capable of talking business in rhyme and no longer focus exclusively on graphs and statistics. They need to be capable of engaging both emotionally and rationally to drive superior performance.

Poetry is a wonderful way to create a connection between the rational and the emotional. I have experienced in my life and career the profound power of poetry to develop a more acute consciousness and empathy. It is how I understand the world, myself and the interaction with others. It has been my personal journey to leadership.

For me, good leadership means integrating my multitudes, the poet as equal to the doctor and the business executive. It means accepting all the facets of myself rather than thinking I need conform in order to succeed in business and in life.

That’s why my motto is: There is no way to inclusion…inclusion is the way!

>Find other pieces by Fateme Banishoeib on her Author Page

You may also enjoy reading Crossroads of the Immigrant Nation by Sayu Bhojwani

The post Business in Rhyme: Exploring Inclusion In the Workplace appeared first on BEST SELF.

Female entrepreneurs possess a great ability to start up — and sustain — any business imaginable. Follow these 10 steps to script your own happiness by pursuing a life and career that lights you up.

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Given the current economic reality, more women are waking up to the realization that the career they thought was waiting for them simply does not exist. Many women are also tired of the 9 to 5 soul-crushing cubicle workplace that holds down latent talents with an iron bar while offering very little in terms of free thinking and balance. If this scenario resonates with you, it may be time to summon your inner entrepreneur.

Here are 10 steps to launching your own business:

1. Develop clarity around your business model

When it comes to choosing the right business path, many people — especially women — are not very clear about what they want. I recommend spending time on exploring the right option for you. Assess and evaluate the different facets of yourself: personality, family, relationships, education, social styles, environment, age, interest, strengths, and finances. Pay careful attention to your inner voice, as your intuition will be your most reliable GPS in weighing the myriad options you may be exploring. One of the key questions to focus on is: What gives you drive and energy even when you’re exhausted? That’s the space you want to work in!

2. Find your niche

Be authentic. Women in general are naturally intuitive. Tap into your inner reservoir to bring out your talents and start sharing your true gifts with the world. Ask yourself the following: How can I help people grow and in what ways can I help them deliver value? These are important questions that will help you bring to the world what you can best deliver and will guarantee lasting success and fulfillment.

3. Identify your approach to entrepreneurship

Are you going to become the next lady boss to solve a problem in the market by inventing a product, or are you going to use your skills and talent to package a product/service, or even emulate some other business model? Conduct a feasibility study or maybe a survey to see how much of a need there is for your product or service, who your target audience is, what the size of the market segment is and who the competition is. When considering your customers or clients, add value by asking yourself: What can I deliver and how can I make them successful in their own pursuits? This approach can lead to new ways to hone your product or service and deliver more value, which your customers will certainly appreciate. Once you’ve decided on your line of business and you are clear about the way in which you want to shine — there’s no stopping you.

4. Create a business plan

A business plan will help you remain focused and give you a benchmark to gauge your progress. In addition to a master plan for growth, it should include your mission statement and clear value proposition — this is your ‘promise’ to your customers/clients. Get help creating a business plan if you don’t know where to start. This is a key step in the implementation stage and to the daily operation of any business. Not having a business plan can result in endless struggles and challenges, something which many lady bosses experience.

5. Establish a realistic budget

Assess the health of your finances. It would be great if you can afford the option of a wealth/financial manager to guide you. What does your current budget allow you to do? If you have a very small capital outlay, yet have a line of business that requires a substantial initial investment or recurring cash flow, perhaps you should explore crowd-funding, sponsorship, or applying for government funding. It all depends on the type of business that you’re engaging in. Some businesses might only require registration, setting up a website, hosting a domain and paying for Internet charges, while others might require a large capital outlay. Plan your finances in advance to avoid nasty surprises.

6. Carve out a creative workspace

Ladies, whether you’re working from home or an office, your workspace needs to inspire you. If you’re a lifestyle business you can even run your business from home, but make sure that you’ve defined a place where your work is carried out. Decorate it and customize according to your taste and budget.

7. Execute daily action steps

All the planning in the world will not deliver results if you’re not willing to take action. Take baby steps; break down your company goals into sub-goals and execute these small steps on a daily basis. For example, if you’re setting up an online business you will need a website to execute your product/services, so break this goal down into mini steps — such as outsourcing a good web designer, consulting with your designer, putting your ideas on paper, tracking progress of the web design, and co-coordinating with the designer on a daily basis. Set a timeframe by which the website must be built, tested and launched. Put a timeframe in place to execute your sub-goals, and then take action on a daily basis to reach them. Reward yourself for every milestone you reach and celebrate your success.

8. Recruit support

Women in general tend to shy away from networking and recruiting support, yet the best piece of business often comes via this platform. Enlist the support of your family, friends, associates, and both online and offline networks. Embrace and use social media tools such as Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and LinkedIn to kickstart your networking. Attend networking events. Join business forums and groups by participating on a regular basis. Be willing to say who you are and what you do with conviction and confidence. Get your ‘elevator pitch’ down!

9. Deliver your best

Always deliver by creating the highest value possible. Whether you’re doing something on a pro bono basis or getting paid for it, try to do it with the intention of adding immense value. Strive to over-deliver on your promise. When we create and deliver from this angle, then success is bound to follow.

10. Enlist a mentor or coach

The journey of an entrepreneur isn’t an easy one. That’s why it is important to learn from those who have been where you are and where you want to go in order to grow your business. Find a good mentor or productivity coach to work with you, then listen to their advice and ask for their help when you need it. A mentor/coach will also hold you accountable for your actions — this step alone will help you to take action on a daily basis.

As a female entrepreneur, I strongly believe women possess a great ability to start up — and sustain — any company imaginable. Follow these 10 steps to script your own happiness by pursuing the life, career and business that lights you up. And while you’re paving your path, be mindful of helping others on their same journey.

You may also enjoy reading The ROI (Return on Investment) of Your Values by Ajax Greene

The post Become Your Own Boss: 10 Steps To Launch Your Own Business appeared first on BEST SELF.

Leadership in the workplace starts with personal authenticity — bringing your whole self to the game, not just the facets which the work culture rewards

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It’s tempting to show only the shiny, polished facets of ourselves — especially when those are the parts that made our fortune and success. It requires courage to embrace all of our resources and all of our facets.

Often, our greatest talents spring from the wounds and the less known and accepted sides of ourselves.

It is my personal experience that true growth derives from restlessness, creativity and the resolve to face — and embrace — all the parts of ourself, even the one we’d rather not share.

In The Whisper, my collection of poetry, I wrote: “It was like asking a rainbow to pick one color and be just blue.” Writing The Whisper represented my personal journey of learning how to lead. It describes an ongoing process of self-leadership before the leadership of others.

I was in the middle of a shining, fast-tracked talent program. I did not want to step off the fast track, so I could not slow down. I felt trapped by others’ expectations and by my desire to prove my own worth. Those fast track programs often don’t actually speed up growth as leaders in an organization; instead, they push them out the door or slow them down. This is an apparent paradox that, in my experience, raises from feeling both overwhelmed and underutilized.

In an age when companies continuously look for ways to attract and retain talents, it is hard to acknowledge this paradox. Aspiring leaders, like many other already affirmed leaders, work hard to live up to others’ expectations. Therein lies the challenge that buries the same qualities that made us shine. Today, companies constantly look for rapid changes to remain competitive and at the same time, they seek safety and predictability. Leaders feel pressured both to be revolutionaries and to win others’ approval. The inherent tension between those pursuits wears people down.

Rather than empowering people, some talent management programs end up increasing a sense of insecurity and a push to conform.

The term ’future leader’ then becomes a synonym for ‘exceptional follower’.

Why? The so-called future leaders become the followers of what they believe others want in an attempt to gain the status of leader now, not in the future.

People feel trapped by the organization’s expectations and start to carve out parts of themselves, trying to conform. Ignoring those expectations isn’t the solution either; at best, you will be seen as a rebel. This generates, without any surprise, a feeling of being inauthentic.

Is this a trap with no chance to escape? No! I think there is a possibility for resolution by having the courage to embrace all the aspects of ourselves. I had to do it for myself by defining the traits of my own unique form of leadership.

On the other side, organizations must create a space where people can show their whole self and not only their shiny self. A first step organizations can take in this direction is to stop referring to their talents as future leaders. In the end, one can only lead in the now, not in the future nor in the past.

Above all, leading will always require courage. We must find the courage to redefine the role of business in society. Likewise, businesses must take a lead in the development and progress that advances all of humankind.

I want conclude with a question, which I invite you to reflect upon, and I would love to hear your answer:

How can organizations and the people who run these organizations find the courage to revolutionize and create environments for everyone to show their whole complete self?

You may also enjoy reading 4 Leadership Lessons from the (Surf) Board, by Eric Kaufmann

The post Authenticity In the Workplace: Bringing Your Whole Self to Work appeared first on BEST SELF.

In the workplace and beyond, embrace resistance as a tool, as a valuable intuitive guide, giving you direction and clarity

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Resistance is a hot topic with business owners and creatives.

You can find hundreds of books written about it. Questions that commonly come up are: How do I work with resistance? How do I deal with it? How do I make it go away?

Resistance is part of your ecosystem — an important part. It’s part of all our lives and it comes in many different flavors. General attitudes towards resistance range from wanting to stamp it out and make it disappear, to how to work with it and use it beneficially.

For some, resistance hangs out, lurking in the corner. For others, it feels like resistance is like strings tangled in their limbs that holds them back from taking the next action they know is necessary.

If you’re one of the people who feels all sorts of flavors of ‘ick’ when you think about resistance, take a moment to ponder how resistance might be a tool to guide you. How might it be something to experience that helps you take an important step towards where you want to go?

One business owner recently asked me about identifying the type of resistance she is experiencing. “How do you know if it is resistance due to growth or resistance due to avoidance? Or is it resistance simply because the direction I’m going is the wrong thing for me?”

In learning how to identify what form of resistance is arising, it’s helpful to think about it from the perspective of the natural world. Identify resistance through the feeling in your body and the emotional quality felt around it. Pay attention to when it arises and how you feel when it comes up.

There are three major types of resistance that people experience:

1. Resistance due to growth

This often comes up when someone is taking new steps in their business or creative projects. When next steps are unclear or haven’t been taken before, threads of fear and discomfort in the unknown come up. Depending on the level of discomfort or uneasiness, it might feel like a barrier to taking the next step.

Think about a seed that sprouted and is reaching up through the soil, pushing through rock, silt, sand, clay and organic matter to reach the sun. This is a new, fresh shoot of growth. It’s not particularly strong or experienced, but it makes its way through the matter encompassing it. It uses the beacon of light above to guide its direction.

When experiencing resistance due to growth, ask yourself what wisdom do a seed and its new shoot have to give you? How can you move toward your goal and the growth required to reach it?

2. Resistance due to avoidance

Resistance due to avoidance is often emotionally-tinged. It comes up when you want to do anything except the thing you know needs to be done. Maybe you end up spending your time getting in-depth information about your friend’s latest gizmo, or diving into a new and urgent research project about the day’s Google doodle.

This type of resistance is multifaceted because of the variety of emotions that might surface — such as that squirrelly feeling that arises like your insides are trying to run away from each other, but there’s nowhere for them to go.

Resistance might look like a scenario where you don’t want to email a customer who’s been having issues with a product; you’re trying to work out a good solution, but you also don’t want to create a ton of extra ongoing work for the team.

It might look like not wanting to have a conversation around boundaries with a client because you’re afraid to lose their business.

It might look like not wanting to email a potential partner and ask for support because you’re not sure how they will respond and feel uncomfortable asking for help.

In each of these scenarios, there is a pointed level of avoidance.

Think about any shelled critter that comes to mind. As soon as you get close, quick as lightning, the little creature disappears into its shell, not to come out while you’re still looking or even breathing in its vicinity.

How do you work with this avoidance resistance?

Be present and aware of the avoidance and accept what is coming up. Next, tune into the feelings that are behind the avoidance. Honor these feelings knowing that they may be rooted in past experiences or fears that you harbor. Sometimes it’s helpful to play out the scenarios through visualization. Ask yourself what will happen if it goes the way you want it to? What’s the worst that can happen if it doesn’t? If you are a verbal processor, talking it out can also be particularly helpful.

3. Resistance due to nonalignment (the wrong thing or wrong time)

This type of resistance can often be the most challenging to identify. It’s a very personal type of resistance and one that is best identified from within. It might be something that someone who loves you and knows you very well can point out, but generally, only you will know this.

Here’s a personal example: When I was in my early 20s, I received a full-ride scholarship to get my masters degree at Trinity College.

While on a personal retreat, I realized that this was not the right path for me. From all perspectives, it looked like a great opportunity — but every time I thought about it, I felt heavy. There was something about it that didn’t feel right. So I decided not to go. In hindsight, I’m glad I followed my intuition. From the outside, who would have told me not to do it? Likely, no one.

Many feelings can come up when something is not a right fit. They might be languishing, a sense of something being soul-sucking, a low-grade dread, or a feeling of wrongness.

Think about it like an ice flow or even a glacier. Water comes into a location and then freezes. If there was a path, sometimes the way is blocked. Something so hard is blocking a path that there’s no way through. You have to go another way.

You can also think of what it might be like if someone picked up a penguin from the Antarctic and dropped it in a jungle near the equator. That penguin might have a challenging time adapting to the environment because it’s not in the place it was created to be in.

What type of resistance do you encounter most often? How would you like to meet resistance when it arrives the next time?

What are some ways that you can creatively work with resistance — so it becomes a way for you to be more present and engaged with life?

The next time resistance arrives in your experience, stop and check in with yourself about the type of resistance that is present. Tune into what it feels like and the message it has for you. With an awareness of how resistance is moving through you, you’ll be able to work with it, rather than against it.

You may also enjoy Interview: Mike Dooley | Infinite Possibilities with Kristen Noel

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How to unsubscribe from the struggle of ongoing achievement and find true contentment

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As the new year rang in, and messages like, ‘Make it happen!’ and ‘Grab the bull by the horns!’ bombarded me everywhere I turned, all I felt like doing was taking a nap and quietly reflecting and resting. My first thought was that something was wrong with me for not wanting to achieve a new goal. I did not want to make anything happen; I simply wanted to do nothing.

Part of me was judging myself for this so I took to my meditation pillow for some guidance, asking my higher self for some insight. The response I received was: “Do nothing. You need to rest. Take a moment to reflect and honor yourself for everything you achieved last year. No wonder you are exhausted.”

As a Type-A, over-achieving go-getter, the notion of doing nothing felt like death to my ego.

Like many other people, much of my life has been defined by what I accomplish in the material world. This was how I was conditioned to prove my worth to myself and others. I know I am not alone in feeling guilt and judgment for wanting to slow down and just be. But In the spirit of a fresh year, I decided to try something new: surrender to my inner wisdom and truth.

It was time to look at my life with fresh new eyes. I took my slow work schedule as a sign and signal to ask myself who I am without all my achievements and accomplishments in the outside world. Who am I without my career, looks, money, fancy clothes, car and condo? What does it really mean to live a good life?

Even just a year ago, if I had a month off of work, I would have freaked out and gone into panic mode about how my bills would get paid and why I wasn’t booking more jobs. I decided I was tired of that way of thinking. It’s exhausting and doesn’t attract anything positive into my life. So instead of pushing, forcing or trying to ‘make things happen,’ I’m consciously choosing to do less and let go of trying to control the situation.

As a suicide prevention awareness advocate, one of my messages is, “Never give up.” But when it comes to trying to control and manipulate outcomes in our lives, I’m discovering that ‘giving up’ isn’t necessarily throwing in the towel. It can be an act of faith — a powerful devotion to a higher power.

Giving up or surrendering as an act of faith is a whole new way of problem solving for me.

It is a more grounding and peaceful approach to getting what we want more easily. It is the opposite of rushing around or forcing things; it is about letting ourselves and our lives unfold more naturally, piece by piece, layer by layer.

It reminds me of nature. Nature does not struggle to express its beauty and glory. Flowers weren’t created to struggle, and neither were we as human beings. That’s just a lie we’ve been told in our ‘Be productive and make it happen!’ society. But we don’t have to subscribe to the struggle.

Let this be the year we unsubscribe from the struggle!

When we learn to stop pushing and accept the perfection of what is, we can enjoy the perfect place we are in. It is easier do this when we realize our lives are so much more than what we achieve materially. Society tells us it is acceptable to work ourselves to exhaustion in the name of making ‘it’ happen—a career, relationship, family, business—but not nearly enough time and attention is paid to our emotional journey home to ourselves.

My goals are no longer wrapped up in a dream job or relationship—both of which are fantastic, but nothing outside of ourselves can give us lasting happiness. My new goal is radical self-acceptance, inner peace and deep, fulfilling joy. Some days, that entails hard work in the outside world, and other days, it means staying home in my pajamas taking care of my inner child, feeling my feelings, giving myself empathy and conserving my energy.

Although I really fought myself for not feeling like doing anything for days, as it turns out, ‘not doing anything’ was achieving something extraordinary—a beautiful, healthy, kind, loving relationship with myself.

Sometimes ‘giving up’ as an act of faith is all we need. Try it out for yourself!

You may also enjoy reading The Art of Self-Surrender by Deep

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Understanding and directing your energy will help you achieve your personal and professional goals — here are 10 steps to follow

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Have you ever noticed that when you want to achieve something and really focus on it, it feels like a tornado pulling you into the vortex of action? Things start moving along very quickly. It feels as if something bigger than you is moving you in the direction of the ‘it’ you want to manifest. This is energy.

I have experienced several incidences like this in my life and I have to say they are magical. I believe anyone can achieve anything they want. It simply starts with a decision and a commitment to becoming the future version of yourself that you want to become. The only thing holding you back from achieving what you desire is you. It is important to start with setting your mind straight and making sure you have support systems in place. I have found that a hidden secret is to focus on the feeling of what it will be like when you achieve your goal.

I tell my clients that energy flows to where your focus goes. I often tell them that if they want something badly enough, they can have it; if they do not currently have it, it is because they are not focusing on it.

Sometimes you can get caught up in the ‘how’ or the logistics of making it happen, but it is not really about that. It is really about taking the small steps that will eventually construct your future self. It is about deciding that this goal is paramount over everything else. When you decide you want something, you have already given energy to it in the form of thought. You have already started creating your new reality.

Let’s take an example of a client who wants her business to transition from being a hobby to being a viable business. She has been selling her product to individuals in her community for the past three years, but now wants to earn more and grow her audience. When we worked on the desired future version of her business, we mapped out what is currently happening in her business that would support that goal. She was very eager to jump ahead and strategize about new programs and new products, but I had a different agenda. I wanted to map out her daily activities and her daily schedule. Once we did that, I noticed that she was spending most of her time working at odd and unstructured times on her business, a habit that totally depleted her of energy. I also pointed out that her partner was not really supportive in words or actions about this business. He would often say, “Why are you spending your time working instead of being with the kids.” This made her feel badly about herself, which in turn made her stay ‘in the closet’ about her business. She felt like she always had to hide the fact that she was working. This is not the type of environment that supports growing a business. Energy is not likely to flow freely to it.

It was obvious to me that she needed to get intentional about her business. I suggested that she create a weekly calendar and block out hours that she would dedicate to working to promote her business. All other times, she could do whatever she wanted. Then, I asked her to hold a family meeting and show everyone the calendar. You see, if you want your business to grow, you will need your family’s support. The best way to get your family onboard of your cause is to share with them your plan and your goals. Then, you should write out the plan and put it somewhere for everyone to see and access. My client ended up creating a weekly calendar on a piece of paper and hung it on the refrigerator. Simple. Once it is displayed for everyone to see, it becomes a fact. Nobody can argue with it. If a family member wanted to spend time with my client, they were sent to refer to the calendar.

Growing your business means you have to give it space to grow — much like a person, a pet or a plant. You have to get intentional about its growth, which means you also have to know yourself very well. If you are unclear about your habits — which times of day you are most energetic, when you get tired, when you are most productive, what you like to do, what you hate doing, what makes you happy, what your strengths are, what you value and why you want your business to succeed — you need to have a sit down session with yourself. Be honest with yourself on paper and make it real, so your eyes can see and your mind can process the blueprint you are creating for yourself.

Your blueprint is your ticket to achieving anything. It does not matter whether you want to create a change in your life, achieve something in business, or to pursue a new relationship. I often ask someone who wants to find a partner for the long term why she keeps dating men who do not want to commit. I always ask my sister, who gets stressed out about her house always being messy, why she keeps trying to organize the house if she hates organizing so much. I often asked myself how smoking cigarettes fits into the healthy, active, wellness advocate, future version of myself I wanted to embody. It did not fit the picture of myself at all, so I simply quit one day because it no longer made sense to me. But to arrive at this conclusion, I had to map out my life and find the discrepancies between where I am today and where I wanted to be.

Follow these 10 steps if you want energy to flow towards your goals.

Dream big! Manifesting and achieving does not happen over night, but it will start to happen magically when you make a decision. I believe everything is possible. You just have to focus and allow the energy to flow to the places that will best serve your purpose:

1. Decide what you want

Make a decision that you want something and start imagining you are already there. What would you say and how would it feel if you have already achieved this goal?

2. Visualize

Sit down and meditate. Yes, meditate. Ask yourself, “What do I need to do in order for this to manifest in my life?” Set a timer for 5 minutes and incrementally increase the minutes. Sit silently and breathe. Thoughts will come in an out, allow them to come in and then focus again on your breath.

3. Brain dump

Write out all of the steps you will have to take in order for this to happen. This may take you several times, days or weeks. There is no need to rush; the process is more important than the end goal. Do not feel as if you have to rush to get there. As you mediate, more information will come to you.

4. Start acting

Create a written blueprint of your life and note your habits, the people in your life, your living situation, and anything else that comes up. Are these pieces of your life supporting your goals? If nothing will change in your life, would you still be able to achieve your goal?

5. Give yourself a due date

Realistically, by when do you think you can achieve your goal? I think it is important to give yourself a short term, achievable goal with a due date that is around ninety days from when you begin. If you give yourself two years, it will be easy to give up when things get tough. You may not be able to achieve 100% of the goal, but you might be able to achieve 20% of it in 90 days. When you see your progress, it will motivate you to push forward with your mission.

6. Get real with yourself

Which things do you need to cut out of your life in order for you to succeed? This may pertain to habits, family members or friends. This does not have to be forever, but in order for you to achieve, you will have to focus only on the things that matter. My mentor, Adrienne Dorrison, calls it ‘all the things’. She says you can’t do ‘all the things’ if you want this one thing. For example, if you want to become a real estate agent in 3 months, you will have to take an exam in order to get your license. You will have to take a course and study for the exam. If you want to pass the exam, you will have to study. You may have to forgo doing other things like going out with friends, doing the dishes or anything else that will take your focus and energy away from achieving this specific thing in 3 months. Again, this is only until you achieve your goal and does not have to be a complete lifestyle change. Honor your own pace and your own way of doing things.

7. Involve those who are important to you

Tell the people who are closest to you about your plan, so that they will support you and cheer you on with your mission. Ask them to support you by telling them what you will not be able to focus on at the moment and what is important for you to focus on.

8. Schedule

If it is not in your calendar, it does not exist. Organize your brain dump list into monthly, weekly and daily goals. Sit down and do the work and I promise you will be so happy that you did this. Do not leave any room to guess and minimize the decisions you will have to make when you execute plan. Yes, this might change along the way, but if you have a basic plan laid out, it will be easier for you to execute. It will be more difficult for you to make excuses for not taking action.

9. Journal

Write down things that come up for you along the way. How do you feel when you achieve things and how do you feel when you are stuck? Write down your vision, because as you move forward, your vision may change. Write down how you want to feel and track your thoughts. You may find some thoughts whirling around your mind that do not support your mission. This exercise will create a more conscious version of you.

10. Celebrate your wins

You must celebrate your wins and milestones no matter how small they are. Do things that make you feel good as a way to celebrate your progress. Give yourself incentives. Say to yourself, “if I finish this one thing by the end of the week, I will reward myself with [insert that reward].”

You may also enjoy reading Living The Dream | Simple Tips For Manifesting Dreams by Leslie Miller

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Diversity and Inclusion programs have become part of many corporate HR practices in recent years — but have they worked for women?

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Why haven’t Diversity and Inclusion (D&I) programs delivered the promise during the last decades? To answer this question, we need to dig a bit deeper into D&I programs and really understand if they are designed to support women to fit into a male business model, or if they are truly aimed at fostering authenticity.

You might wonder how you would know, and what the culture of a truly inclusive workplace looks like. Let’s go step-by-step and start looking at the language used by your D&I initiative. If you have programs that speak to make women more confident, more assertive, and if you advocate leaning in more, my personal perception is that your program is designed to make women fit into an outdated business model.

Often, in such programs, the underlying message women hear is to ‘buck up’, be tough, competitive, and never show weakness, compassion or vulnerability, because if they do, they will instantly lose respect or will be considered too emotional to climb the corporate ladder.

And then there is the paradox of being called abrasive, or even aggressive once they do so. This is a reaction to a model which is not representative of multitudes and is no longer helping women, or men, be truly successful in the workplace. So much of what it takes to be a leader has been historically defined by men, though, as a woman leader, I am firmly convinced that the last thing to do is to try to be like a man to succeed — to try to fit in rather than belong. Why should a woman be more like a man to succeed?

Let me share my personal experience to give some examples. I made a career by leaning in, walking into meetings with a very assertive I will show you attitude, basing my self-worth on how well everyone responded to me. I have been awarded, travelled the world, led manufacturing companies, attended women-dedicated groups, mentored, and sponsored — an endless list that speaks about being confident, taking risks, showing the way, and being regarded as a role model.

However, my intuition saw something else. She saw a woman that, in an effort to fit in, forgot parts of herself, leaving them behind. That is, until I listened to my inner voice tell me that success was not about fitting in, but rather finding a way to bring my whole self and my teams to function on a higher level.

I leaned back and asked myself 3 simple questions:

• Am I happy and enjoying my work?
• Is my energy drained?
• Am I living by my values and principles?

I realized that I was the one who had to start attending to and caring for the real, whole me.

We are responsible for becoming aware and taking responsibility for ourself by choosing our integrity and defining our voice. The real change happens when we shift our focus from tolerance to understanding and acceptance, starting with ourselves. We tell businesses that their future and competitiveness, even innovation, depends on teaching employees to work with people who are different than them. We need to bring this same message into our personal lives and assimilate it. We need to take the time to understand the different voices that play in our mind and listen to our intuition. It is certainly far more difficult to build an inclusive culture when we begin by neglecting parts of ourselves.

How can we be inclusive of others when we carve out parts of ourselves to fit in and conform?

I believe that inclusion should start with self, and it must be addressed in the workplace if we want to move to a more inclusive culture. This will be possible only when we start to value in the business landscape: softness, kindness, and our inner intuition. Intending no exclusion of men, these typically are the natural traits of the women. I am asking women to own their soft and nurturing side, rather than being ashamed of it or compartmentalizing it to fit into a workplace.

I personally challenge that the path forward is not the one to equality, but rather the path to authenticity — the creation of an environment where women, and all individuals, can bring their whole self and unveil it. I do not believe that women-dedicated groups will enable sustainable success. It is certainly important to gather and share similar experiences, challenges and aspirations; however, I see that in separating men and women, we only increase the gap. It becomes an ongoing battle of genders.

As women, we have a responsibility to sit at the table of conversation, showing up and having the courage to speak up for ourselves. Men have to sit equally at the same table, neither as enemy nor opponent — as comrades, not competitors. We have to start from the relationship with ourselves and in relationship with each other. I see it as a symbiotic relationship where organizations are the incubator for enabling this process. They have to create the vital safe space where we engage in conversations as equals. I envision a D&I movement that engages hearts and minds, starting with an understanding of our implicit biases, and turn this understanding into real change.

Here’s the issue: Most of us have been taught to keep quiet about the things that aren’t pretty, both within ourselves and in others.

We are taught to bury the truth of our experience so deeply that sometimes, we don’t even know our truth ourselves. We walk in the workplace wearing a mask with the desire of fitting in, while inside, we are drowning. Our intuition, our inner truth are suffocated by our life. The voices in our head have been conditioned to tell us why we can’t follow our inner truth.

The first step we can take into the path of re-discovering our inner truth is to meet the inner voices that are holding us back — to find out what implicit bias we carry around and how this drives our behavior. We need to carefully listen to these voices and discover the difference between the voice of the inner bully and the one of authenticity — the voice that knocks you down vs. the one that lifts you up. Understanding the inner bully is crucial to speaking our truth and showing up as whole.

Only when we address the relationship with ourselves can we begin to shape D&I programs that deliver the inherent strength of diversity. By prioritizing the connection with ourselves, we become truly inclusive. I envision a D&I program which focuses first upon understanding the diversity we carry in ourselves, and supports the self-leadership process. This is the path toward enabling real inclusion.

How are you showing up at work and what are you bringing to the diversity table?

You may also enjoy reading The C4 Way: Empowering Youth To Be Their Best Selves by Joy McManigal

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5 simple-but-transformative tools to protect yourself and thrive in business environments that often lack compassion

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We all remember the golden rule – treat others as we would like to be treated. But in business there isn’t always that same level of compassion. To protect you from being brought down emotionally, here are five ways you can treat yourself like a good friend so that you’ll not only survive, but thrive in the sometimes dog-eat-dog world of business.

Practice Self-compassion.

Researchers have shown that being compassionate towards yourself contributes to your wellbeing more than self-esteem. Those who practice self-compassion are less likely to feel depressed or anxious and are more resilient in the face of difficult business challenges, setbacks or high-stress environments. While those who are self-compassionate also tend to have higher levels of self-esteem, merely having self-esteem won’t prevent you from being self-critical and having negative thoughts about yourself. Self-compassion does. So treat yourself like a friend and next time that voice in your head says “You’re such a loser,” or “How could you have made such a stupid mistake?” change the dialogue to one of self-compassion. “Everybody makes mistakes now and then, it isn’t a big deal. What has this taught me? What can I do differently next time? How can I make it better?” Being compassionate with yourself can actually help you become more successful.

Be Forgiving of Self.

Along with self-compassion comes the ability to forgive oneself. Just as forgiveness of others plays a role in our overall happiness, it is important to be able to forgive ourselves for inevitable lapses in judgment or business mistakes we might have made. Without self-forgiveness we can fall into an endless loop of self-criticism. If you have made a mistake, do what is necessary to recover as best as possible and then forgive yourself for being human. Focus on the future and what you have learned and don’t continue to beat yourself up. Forgive yourself and move on.

Allow Yourself to Experience Joy

So many of us get so caught up in the daily work of our lives that we don’t allow ourselves the time or opportunity to experience those things that bring us true joy. To treat yourself like a friend, give yourself permission to do the things that make you happy. Whether it’s a dinner date with a favorite person, a walk in the woods, or an evening alone curled up by the fire, it’s important to treat yourself to experiences that nourish you. This is the best way I know to recharge for the daily challenges you are likely to encounter in the business world. Time spent doing what you love makes you more creative and focused and ultimately better able to succeed in your work. Self-care is the antidote for stress.

Create Your Own Private Refuge of Calm

The world can get stressful and chaotic. To be your own best friend, create an island of calm for yourself in the midst of the chaos. Create a space or go someplace where you can relax. Utilize whatever tools and techniques will work for you: mindfulness or meditation or a walk to a park bench where you can commune with urban wildlife. I have a friend, Jane, who has a yoga mat and candles in her office. It isn’t much but it’s a sacred space in her otherwise stressful workplace. Inhale calm, exhale stress.

Eat Well and Exercise.

If you were put in charge of your best friend’s wellbeing, one of the first things you might do to take good care of him/her is to suggest that they eat healthy and exercise. This seems self-evident, yet is often sacrificed. We know these practices improve our physical and emotional state, and yet we’re hesitant to adopt these healthy routines for ourselves. My friend Dean, who works all the time, only ate unhealthy meals at his desk. Then he’d complain about how bad he felt. I suggested he try bringing in simple, healthy meals and taking a walk outside to see if he felt better. “It works,” he said, the next time I saw him. Now he keeps the fridge at his office stocked with simple salads and his walking shoes at hand. If you fall into an unhealthy pattern at work, think of what advice you would give to someone you care about, and then be your own best friend – and follow it.

You may also enjoy Love The Work You’re With: The ‘Genius Habit’ that Will Shift Your Relationship Forever by Laura Garnett

The post 5 Practices That Can Change Your Work Life appeared first on BEST SELF.